Wednesday, September 16, 2020

It'll be sad when the census ends


This has been the first real job that Ive been able to work as Marian.  And sadly, it will soon end.  Whether it ends at the end of September, as the Trump administration wants, or at the end of October as originally scheduled, it doesn't matter - this gig will soon end.

I took this job knowing that it was a short term gig.  It paid well. But there is nothing much left for me to do except pack up my belongings and take my leave.  Yet, I've made a few friends here, and I hope to get together with them in the future.

Sunday, September 13, 2020

Sometimes you swing for the fences, and sometimes you play small ball....

The above picture was taken about 7-8 years ago, when minor league ball was being played.  I was dating a woman from Staten Island, and we had bargain tickets to see the "Baby Bombers" play at home.  Those were simpler times, and the eventual break with this woman didn't hit me as hard as that in my most recent relationship.

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Why, you might ask, am I referencing a relationship that ended 7 years ago?  Well, the Baseball analogy seems to fit with this picture.  When dating, one either has to go for the Thunderbolt of attraction.  Or, one has to go for "something" that grows over time.  I tend to make the latter choice, as I am too slow to deal with a Thunderbolt if it were to strike me.  And that is just as well.

In my last post, I mentioned 3 ladies: FL, MB, and FH.  I thought MB was no longer interested when she dropped out of sight.  Instead, I'd bet that one of two things happened: (1) MB had a date with someone more promising, or (2) MB got herself into a funk and was not in a good position to date.  However, I touched base the other day, and she responded this afternoon.  We exchanged a series of messages, and it looks like I'll be in a good position to see her again.  FH asked me to help her buy an air conditioner for her daughter's room, and I'll be seeing the daughter when I lug the machine into her apartment. This leaves FL. Yesterday (as I write this), I went on a date with her, and we spent a good part of the evening in each other's arms, talking on a park bench in Tarrytown after a nice riverfront dinner. Over dinner, FL mentioned that in a way, I am the best of both worlds: Someone who could be both a boyfriend and a girlfriend.  When I mentioned that I was thinking of leading a meetup to Innisfree Garden in Dutchess County, FL said she'd be interested in going with me.  I let her know that I'd be going as Marian, and she said she understood that. YAY!  But I now have a dilemma.  Is it time to start getting more intimate?

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I feel obligated to mention XGFJ in passing.  When we were fighting over meetups, I know I played my hand way too hard and I lost access to the one functioning dinner group in the Hudson Valley because of my ex.  However, I have access to the music group, and have effectively blocked her out because of her hatred of me as Marian.  The other day, I came off the wait list for a meetup, and she a couple of days later.  When she saw me as an attendee, she bailed, saying that she had made other plans.  I guess that as long as I am an active member in the music group, my ex will stay away.  I feel sorry for her.  She won't be free until she is able to see me again as Marian and confront her fears directly.  But that's not my concern - I have to make a decision on which one of the three ladies I've dated is worth gambling on, and if not, do I want to try for someone else?

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Over the past 8 months, I've been able to save a reasonable amount of money by working at the census bureau.  I have postponed taking time off from work for two reasons: (1) I want to save up as much money as I can while the census is willing to pay me to work, and (2) The pandemic has severely limited the number of places I can travel to without having to quarantine myself upon return. Recently, higher-ups in Washington have directed the census to stop counting people a month earlier than planned, as POTUS feels that the GOP will benefit from an under count in the urban (Blue) states. Today (as I write this), a judge has issued an order to temporarily stop preparations to end the census on September 30th, and continue with the "original" (pandemic adjusted) end date of October 31st.  If the October 31 date holds, I will likely save an extra month's salary (after expenses) and be better prepared for a time where I'm not working.

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And this brings me back to baseball.  Sooner or later, I have to choose which direction I want to go in my life and what I want to do when I get there.  Do I swing for the fences and go for a relationship where I can live as Marian 24x7?  Or, do I play "small ball" and take my gains when I can, but risking little in the process?  I tried the latter in my last relationship, and it didn't work out.  But maybe I can do a little better this time around. 

An early dinner with a friend

  Last night, I mentioned to Pat that I wish I could have been born a cisgender female who looked like this when younger.  If I were younger...