By the time you read this, I'll be back from my cruise.

 

I've been alluding to this cruise for a while.  However, for purposes of safety, I didn't want to start talking about it until I returned.

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When we booked this cruise, I was thinking of how RQS and I could spend some time together in a warm climate, while I presented as Marian for a few days.  Over time, we settled on the above 10 day cruise.  But the idea of me spending time as Marian went by the wayside, as I couldn't get information from the DR regarding whether I'd have problems with a gender presentation which conflicts with my legal ID.  In addition, we had a snowstorm the weekend before we left, followed by sub freezing temperatures until the day we were to board the ship.

After the holiday season, the thing I wanted to do most was to hunker down inside for a few months and come out of hibernation when spring comes.  Instead, I ended up having to plan for a trip I wasn't completely excited about taking.  About the only thing that interested me about this trip was the possibility of visiting historic sites in San Juan, something which was impossible when I made port there on an NCL cruise which arrived after 4 pm.

As I've mentioned in this and my other blog, I am not a fan of cruise lines "hot docking" their ships, so that multiple ships can be in port on the same day.  I feel that this is a disservice to cruisers, as one is often unable to have a chance to properly enjoy a port. In fact, I chose an Alaska cruise with one of my criteria being whether the ship spent a full day in each of the Alaskan ports where the ship docked.  Our January cruise does not "hot dock" at any of its ports, but it will spend 6 days at sea (including Embarkation day) on a 10-day cruise.  We made a trade-off to have full port days and extra days at sea to have our 10-day getaway.

Given that we are sailing on MSC in a sub-optimal inside cabin below the entrance to the buffet, I expect that we'll have to deal with noise coming from the deck above. Neither RQS nor I are impressed by the quality of MSC's entertainment.  Yet, it is good enough for us to have considered sailing the line again.  The same goes for the food.  Unlike what we got used to on Princess and NCL, MSC's specialty dinner package offerings do not give the same bang per buck. On this trip, we opted NOT to buy specialty meal packages in advance and to enjoy the food served in the main dining room, with the possible exception of going to the on-board taco joint..

MSC is a line known for low priced cruising.  It also has some of the most reasonably priced shore excursions compared with similar excursions offered by NCL  Both RQS and I feel that NCL's excursions have been excessively marked up by the cruise line.  Contrast this with MSC, where we get good excursions at a very reasonable price.  On our past Bermuda cruises, NCL was charging $140 for a tour that visited the Crystal Caves, while MSC charged $80 for a similar experience.  (I may be comparing apples to pears here, as NCL offered an extra stop on its tour.)  Yes, MSC does a quite bit of nickel-diming, but in general one will get decent value for money spent.

While I'm cruising, I'll be writing posts about the cruise that you'll be seeing here over the next few days. Hopefully, you will enjoy our exploits.  One thing I am certain to do will be to ask the people at the pier whether "My Sister" (as I refer to myself when presenting as Mario) will have trouble at the port if she presents as Marian, but presents Mario's ID.  (It worked in Bermuda, why not elsewhere?)

The other day I had a conversation....

 

The other day, I had a chat with Vicki.  She noted that she didn't know when I was going over the top or whether I was being serious.  To tell the truth, I tend to do thought experiments where I take off the limits imposed by social taboos.  And people do not know what to make of me because of this.

An example of my way of thinking is allowing the public, not the politicians, to decide between two extremes of dealing with our border problems, ending political paralysis on this issue:

1. Should we increase the budgets of both border control and asylum judiciary areas, so that we can both police the border humanely and process asylum claims quickly.
   
   ---- OR ----
   
   
2.  Issue "2-legged hunting permits", and let gun happy nuts shoot bullets at illegals trying to cross the border, firing from the American side at targets on the Mexican side.
   

In short, should we force the public to make a simple choice between humane treatment of people and inhumane treatment of people.

The conversation veered into many areas, and I posed some topics that most people would consider taboo, such as:

1. Given how poorly educated the American public is, require people to have completed a high school education to gain the right to vote.  (There are many problems with this, but remember - this is a only a thought experiment.)
   
   
2. Denying people who are too poor to raise children the ability to procreate until they can show enough earning capacity to properly take care of a child.
   
   
3. Allowing prisoners the ability to vote in general elections.
   
   
4. Public executions of illegal aliens who have committed felonies.
   
   
5. Guardrails for both the 1st Amendment and 2nd Amendment to the US Constitution.
   

There were more items on this list, but the difference between me and Vicki is a recognition that Democracy might not be the best solution for a country in certain circumstances.  I recognize that even freedom of speech may not be an absolute right.  For example, the nation of El Salvador has committed many human rights abuses in order to wrest control of the country from the gangs that previously terrorized the country.  Its popular leader is a dictator who has successfully put most of the nation's gang members into prison or forced them into exile.  My question is: How much freedom is too much freedom?  (Please note that I believe in Jeffersonian Democracy, but with the guardrails developed by Alexander Hamilton.)  Vicki can't get over the idea that certain freedoms should be checked, if only to prevent an autocrat from taking power - as Trump did on January 20th.

So I have a question:  If a well informed and well educated public is needed for a functioning democracy, how much freedom has to be taken away from people to force them to be well educated?  Sadly, I keep getting reminded of Juvenal's 6th satire:

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

--- OR ---

 

Who's watching the watchmen?

If I had a better answer to this question than to trust that an educated public would do the job, I'd have solved one of the major political problems that keep perplexing us thousands of years after the question was first posed....

Lunch and Dinner, or: Where are the police when you need them?

 

I had two things on the docket for today.  But the thing of most interest today was an accident that almost happened.

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I woke up around 9 am, not having much sleep last night.  So I took my time getting ready to go out to see Vicki for a late lunch.  But first, I had to shovel out the snow around my car.  That involved getting dressed as Mario, clearing the show off the car, and shoveling a clear path to the plowed section of the driveway.  Luckily, the snow wasn't too heavy, and I was able to get this done in 20 minutes.

After a brief stop for breakfast, I went home to shower and get dressed as Marian.  And then, it was off to Mt. Kisco to meet Vicki for lunch.  Arriving at the restaurant, I found that the meters weren't working today, as it was a Federal holiday.  Even though I was glad to see Vicki, I really wasn't in the mood to talk politics, as there's nothing we could do to avoid the upcoming 4 year disaster.

Once done with lunch, I drove over to Route 684, and was about to make a "California Stop" at the light for a right turn on red, so that I could get on the highway.  There was a police car to my left and an idiot that sped up along the shoulder and almost hit me as I was starting to make a right turn onto the highway.  (If I had started movement to the entrance ramp even 1 second earlier, my car would have been totaled.)  As I made my turn, the police car turned across traffic, sped past me, then pulled the idiot over before he got on the highway.  Boy, was I relieved!  The idiot was about to get what he rightly deserved - a very expensive ticket!

Next, I killed time at Starbucks before going to the meetup for dinner. Unfortunately, most of the people who reserved a place at dinner bailed without notice, and only 3 of us were there for dinner.  By the time I finished my cheeseburger, I was stuffed.  I couldn't eat another bite. 

On the way home, my brother and I chatted about the house we rent out.  Now that the tenants are gone, there are some improvements we may make.  Will it cost money?  Yes.  But we should recoup our money relatively quickly.  And then he got to talking about what should happen when my sister in law passes (hopefully, she will go first).  It makes sense for him to sell his homestead at that time due to the $500k tax exclusion he'd have that year, then take some of his capital gains to buy me out.  He'd live in the family homestead for a few years, and then repeat the process to get more tax free money out of his home equity.  

It was a good day.  But it certainly didn't go as I expected. 

- - - - - -

On other matters....

Sadly, the Orange Snowflake has been inaugurated, and he has already made some anti-transgender statements.  Hopefully, my readers who have needed to get their gender marker on their personal IDs updated, have already done so before today.  I think it will be at least 4 years before people will be able to do this for Federally issued documents again.

It's amazing - Life keeps throwing curveballs, and I keep fouling them off.

 

Sometimes, I feel like I'm a woman on the home front during the war years.  Yes, I have my female friends to comfort me, but the men that remained stateside all have problems not worth dealing with.  Today, I decided to write a message to DCD, telling him how I felt about him, as well as his relationships with others.  This message reads as follows:

DCD -  

Your ex contacted me first to find out where you were one day, as she couldn't reach you for a Friday shift. She then got into telling me how you were chronically late for shifts, and that you got fired from the job at the YMCA. She noted that she's moved on with her life, and wants you gone from her place. Yet, the other day, she came home and found you curled up on her bed. I have no objective way to know exactly what is going on with you and her, but it is unhealthy for you to live at her place or to even use her house as your mailing address. 

While on the subject of mailing addresses, she noted that you have had several P.O. boxes, that you have stopped paying, and that a lot of mail never reaches you. I know that you have changed your phone numbers several times, possibly because bill collectors are trying to reach you. In one case, they tried to send a service notice at her place, but you were not there. My advice to both of you is to cut the umbilical cord that holds you two together and start living your own independent lives.

Your ex made me aware of the fact that she told you not to call for assistance when your car ran out of gas, but to walk to the gas station and get a gallon or two to fill up the car. You didn't, and the car was taken from you. Can you bail the car out? Without income, I doubt it. I guess I will be on your long list of creditors, as you are already 6 months behind in payments. And without transportation, you will likely never be able to pay me back - like others who have tried to help you.

You need to ask for help. There are public shelters in Connecticut and New York. You are likely sick - the inoperable brain tumor for which you had radiation may be affecting your judgement. Get that help now, before you start spiraling down the path of helplessness and destitution. You have a habit of ignoring people's advice and going against their suggestions to prove you have good judgement - which you don't have. A while back, I asked you why you didn't try to get your child support lessened when you didn't have a pot to piss in. You didn't have a good answer. Right now, it is more important for you to only make commitments that you are certain to keep and not make those you only hope to keep if you are lucky. You should never have bought my car unless you were absolutely sure you could pay me back. Given your history, it'll be a miracle if you ever pay me back for the car. As they say - no good deed goes unpunished.
These comments are not meant to harm you. Instead, they are a last hope of getting you on a path where you seek help and get it, to rebuild yourself for the years you have left above ground. You can continue along this path of self-destruction. Or you can get help in rebuilding your life. The choice is yours. and only yours. You have burnt too many bridges among family and friends to get help from these sources. You may need to ask one last person (not me) to refer you to adult protective services for the help you need. But if you get that help, don't waste anyone's time. Start rebuilding your life., and take responsibility for your life and the decisions you make in it.

Marian

Well, I know he's a bit defensive, as I received the following:

I appreciate your support. As with my ex and her meaning, well, I get upset at the suppositions that are made. I may have burnt some bridges but I do not believe that my ex's or your knowledge base of my life gives you enough information to state that I have burnt so many bridges that I can not get get help from those resources. 

My wanting or not wanting to involve family and friends is a matter of my privacy and how I want to be seen by others. It disturbs me to have to explain this to you and as I have had to in past to my ex.

Defensive?  Yes.  And also a little upset, as I have called him to account for his own failings.  He's gone through a lot of shit in his life.  Yet, he has to learn to "Get Over It". Or simply, to climb his mountain of problems and conquer them.  One can either be a victim or survivor in life, it's all a matter of attitude.  DCD has to find that special power inside himself, harness it, and conquer all of his demons.  This isn't easy when you're approaching 60, and haven't a pot to piss in.

Did I handle things wrong?  I'm not sure.  Reading his response made me think that he's afraid to be honest with people.  He didn't challenge my core assumptions: that he is not able to handle responsibility that well, and that he needs help.

- - - - - -

Now, why did I say that I keep fouling off curve balls?

Well, the answer is simple.  The other day, my main credit card was compromised, and I'm finding it easier than expected (so far) to attach these accounts to a new credit card account. Today, I had to run out to several stores before a major snow storm arrives.  Couple all of this with having to think about DCD just before going away on a cruise, and it seems like I'm hanging on "at bat" as best I can.

Thank god for computerized fraud detection!

 

This is another short post, as I am tired and have to get up early in the morning to avoid an incoming snowstorm.  As I write this, I just got back to RQS's place after seeing a Broadway Play (more on that tomorrow), just in time for SNL's Weekend Update.  And shortly afterwards, RQS and I plan to go to bed, so that I can start getting up around 7 am.

- - - - - -

The highlight/low light of the day was figuring out how I will deal with the inability to use a now compromised credit card.A new card (with new account number) would be sent to me, but not before my upcoming cruise.  This will force me to spend a couple of hours updating the credit cards for all of my regular payments such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, Uber, etc. once I'm home.  One doesn't realize how many places where one uses a card for payments until one thinks of all the subscriptions and stored payment information that uses a selected account.

If the weather prediction wasn't for snow, I'd have planned on taking my time to go home.  Instead, I'll have to rush home and start on fixing things.  Keep your fingers crossed that no more accounts have been compromised.

It was 66 years ago today. (a short post)

 

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But February made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

(From "American Pie" by Don McLean.)

It's hard to believe that "The Music" died 66 years ago.  Much of Holley's music sounds as fresh today as when it was written - especially with modern arrangements.  Sadly, like musicians such as Glenn Miller, Otis Redding, Patsy Cline and Jim Croce, their careers were all cut short by airplane disasters.  Does this mean that I am afraid to fly?  No.  But I advocate for all musicians who want to be great to use surface travel whenever possible.

There are many great performers who have died way too soon.  Some by accidents, some by diseases, some by violent crimes, some by drug overdoses, and even (if it seems rare) of old age.  I can oly imagine the music that would have been made if Sam Cooke and John Lennon had not gotten shot.  I can only imagine what would have been created if Jim Morrison and Amy Winehouse had not abused drugs.  And, don't get me started thinking about all the artists we have lost in plane and car crashes.  When one lives his/her life in the public spotlight, one has a much higher chance of dying way too young.

Lately, the large conglomerates have been finding that it is cheaper to buy old media (old video and audio libraries) and repackage them for current consumption.  Today's musicians get almost nothing from recording contracts, as the payment per streamed song, movie, or TV show is so low.  TV Residuals are horrible for many. They get most of their money from performances and the sale of Merch. This is a shame, as new performers are having a much harder time breaking into the big leagues than they did when I was young.  In fact, my uncle (a 2-time award winner) could never have been a success today, as there are very few variety and comedy shows being made - everything seems to be a "reality" show these days.

 

So, if you like to see/hear certain performers, go out to see them and buy their Merch.  (Please note that I don't wear T-Shirts or buy that many CD's anymore.  But I will buy a book if one is displayed.  Blame that on being an old geezette who is trying to eliminate clutter from my apartment.)

An annoyance - just before I'm taking a cruise (a short post)

 

This is going to be a short post, as I don't know what to feel right now.

When I looked at my credit card account, I found a $2.00 charge that I couldn't explain.  I wasn't sure if it was a Patreon subscription I just selected.  But this evening, I got a message from my bank asking me to verify whether a transaction was authorized or not - it was not.  So now, I have to go through the headache of switching several auto pay charges from this closed account to the new account just opened for me.

I'm not going to worry about it right now.  I just hope that my other cards are not affected as well.  We'll see about that over the next few days.  Thankfully, this computer will have unlimited, non-streaming internet while on my upcoming cruise.

- - - - - -

On other matters....

DCD left the hospital, and again went to his ex's house.  His ex, N, texted me to say that she will drop DCD off at his mom's place in the morning, and let her deal with DCD's needs.

You can lead a person to work, but you can't make him think.