Hump Day!

 

Technically, as I write this, it's not summer yet.  And yet, we've already had a couple of heat spells.  I can only imagine how I'll be feeling when the dog days of summer arrive.  I know I'll be well prepared, with an over supply of summer dresses in my closet.

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Today started by me waking up 4 hours early and staying awake until noon.  I had a zoom call with my niece in London, and we caught up on things.  (As usual, I had much to say, and she listened.)  After an hour, both of us had to take care of other things, and we agreed to try for another zoom in July.

Once done with my niece, I took care of little things, then decided to cook an early dinner.  This way, I could get rid of the sausage I had in the ice box, and not have to go outside and spend money that didn't need to be spent.

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As you can see, I didn't do much today.  Yet, I needed a small break from a busy routine.  And for a change, I didn't end up browsing clothing stores' web sites today.  I own way too many dresses, and need to radically prune my closets of clothes that no longer look good on me, and no longer interest me.  This  task will be something I handle over the summer.

Unlike many M2F transgenders, I had it easy.  My wife died 30 years ago, so I wouldn't lose that much if a potential girlfriend were to leave me because of my feminine presentation.  No one has come close to living with me, save now for RQS.  And even then, we'd have to find a place that meets both our needs.  I need a place where I can park a car for days at a time.  RQS needs a place with good mass transit.  Until we find that place, we'll live in two residences and shuttle back and forth between the two.

With the above being said, I had little to stop me from buying too large a female wardrobe (especially dresses!)  Even now, I will likely be going with Vicki to the yearly Flax Barn Sale. Garments are drastically marked down to clear them from Flax's warehouse, and it's often worth the long drive to get to the sale.  Additionally, it gives me the opportunity to spend a day with my friend Vicki.

How many dresses does a woman need?  Certainly less than I have.  But I hate wearing trouser like garments, as they end up exposing the fact that I don't have a cisgender woman's hips.  If I had a typical female body, I'd likely be wearing jeans during colder weather  It would be nice for me to have the hourglass figure of a typical female, and not the rectangular figure typical for a male.  Dresses help me hide this little problem.

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There's a part of me that wants to go back to work as a female.  If I see a good weekday, part time job, I'll apply for it.  But I'll have to edit down my resume to let people know that I would willingly work in a position with lower responsibilities than I once had.  It would be nice to live part of the life I could have had if I were born with the right chromosomes.  

I'd rather have been in Scranton, PA today.

 

The Union Pacific Big Boy - #4014 is a unique survivor of the scrap heap.  Instead, it was put into static display when it was retired from service, and rehabilitated for use to show of the Union Pacific railroad's heritage.  This weekend, it traveled through Pennsylvania to reach the Steamtown museum for temporary display and boiler servicing.  Yesterday and Today (as I write this) were the only two days this machine would be available for close up public inspection before it is taken in for servicing.  Sadly, I couldn't make it there today, as I had a lot on my schedule for the day.

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Before I got to any of the items on my docket, an old acquaintance messaged me.  Six years ago, we had a nasty falling out (I won't say more on that), and now we are able to have a good chat again.  It's a nice thing, and I hope that we'll have more of these chats in the future.  One bit of good news - her family is going well, and she has someone nice in her life.  (Again, I won't say more about this.)  Sooner or later, we will finally meet again.  Although things won't be the same as before, it will be in a better place than it once could have been. 

The first thing on my docket was lunch with SJM.  We had changed the date, and our time was limited by appointments on both of our calendars.  She discussed family affairs, and I talked about my brother finding a job, the sale of the family homestead, and the current political situation.  When I mentioned that I want to take RQS to Hawaii with me presenting as Marian, she advised against it - she is especially sensitive to what is going on with our government officials.  Next, I talked with my financial advisor.  He gave me some bad news regarding tax liabilities from the sale of the family homestead, as well as other things I'm not in the mood to mention today. 

Just before dinnertime, I had to facilitate a co-op board meeting for the purpose of interviewing an applicant. I set things up, and all went well.  Yet, I noticed something unusual - without my face on screen, people were comfortable talking over me.  This was a problem in my last project with the bank, where I had to manage a group of people remotely with no visual contact.  Without today's Zoom technology, my voice alone is ineffective for a male voice.  It's not in a timbre which commands attention.  At least, it was a pleasant meeting for all  involved..

As one can see, there was no way I could have gone to Scranton today.  But, damn, I wish I could have been there to see the Big Boy! 

 

 

Someone is getting forgetful, and it's not me.

Today, RQS had to go home after a weekend at my place, and things started off relatively normally for a Monday.  Both RQS and I would get showered and dressed, and I would drive her to the train station to go home.  And our routine followed along this path until I got home.

For the next 2 days (as I write this), the one functional "Big Boy" locomotive UP#4014 would be available for viewing at the Steamtown National Historic Site.  And then, UP#4014 could be serviced by both Steamtown and Union Pacific personnel until the end of the month, when UP#4014 would make its way to Philadelphia for America's 250th anniversary.  If I had made my plan to drive to Scranton, PA immediately after dropping RQS off at the station, RQS would not be able to communicate with her family - she had left her cell phone charging in my bedroom, and the earliest I could get it to her would be Wednesday.  If I couldn't get it to her then, it would be another 11 days before she'd have her phone in her hands.  (You can imagine what it would be like if you couldn't return phone calls for 2 weeks!)  So, I decided to drive to her place before I'd be affected by rush hour traffic jams.

It was a perfect day for me to wear a summery dress with a denim jacket - the weather was warm enough for a nice dress, but cool enough to want something to keep me warm after the sun goes down.  So, I figured that I'd get to RQS's place by 3 pm, surprise her with her phone, and then have a couple of tacos with her before driving back home.  And the dress was the most comfortable thing I could wear when walking to the taco shop.

But back to RQS's place....

I used my keys to enter her building then knocked on her door.  It was the most pleasant surprise she could have gotten.  A couple of hours later, we were eating tacos, and I was ready to drive home.  And that's where the 2nd forgotten item was left in the wrong place.  She forgot to take her keys when she want to the pottery studio.  Luckily, she has a neighbor who has broken in to her apartment (with permission) in the past, so that she could get into her apartment.

I'm glad I could have been there for her today, and that her neighbor was available to help her as well.

If we're lucky, most of our lives can be pleasantly uneventful.

 

Millions of people have gone through the Great Hall at Grand Central Terminal in New York, with nothing but another Hum-Drum day ahead of them.  For the most part, life is like a great musical work: Small events setting up the main theme, with major events being developed in the middle, with a coda to close out the work.  We start as children, become who we will be in early adult hood, repeat many of our choices through middle age, and close out our lives with the sum of our choices behind us.  Most of us have "Boring" lives, falling within the "standard deviation" of life.  Others have lives outside the "standard deviation", producing great things, but paying a great price for those accomplishments.

For many transgender people, life is never hum-drum.  As children, we often get push-back when we identify as a different gender than that assigned to us.  If we're lucky, we'll live in an area where gender therapy treatments are available, and live with parents who are comfortable with seeing that we get that therapy.  If we're unlucky, we'll live in an area that will deny us that therapy, or have parents who deny us the therapy we need.  Assuming we survive our childhood "intact" (read: without too many psychological hangups), our adulthood can be rocky as well.  It's much harder for us to learn how to act according to the opposite gender's rules when we lived our childhoods learning the rules of our assigned gender.  Couple that with (most likely) sexually dimorphic characteristic development for the gender to which we were assigned, and it can be a living hell.  Then, imagine being rejected by family and friends when one outs him/herself, and I'd never wish this experience on one's enemies.

Assuming one successfully navigates this gauntlet, one gets to live a normal life.  Or, is it normal?  Many of us stand out because our bodies are not "just tight".  For many, social prejudices haunt them through adulthood.  An example of this is our president's executive order "correcting" gender marking on passports to the gender transgender adults were assigned at birth.  There are people who hate us because we do not fit into a gender binary.  They say it's against God's will.  But is it?  To me, the ignorance of society is inexcusable.

Boredom can be a blessing for us.  If we're not under attack, we can live relatively normal lives.  This doesn't mean we'll be free of stress.  Instead, our stressors will be in the "normal" range.  And isn't that we all want?

 

RQS came up early this weekend (a short post)

Well, it's another weekend, and another visit from RQS.  It was hot again today, and it was the perfect day to wear a short dress.  But there was one wrinkle I had to deal with: I had to do some in-person banking as Mario.  So, I figured that I'd do what I best do: Schedule the errands I must do to take place at one time of the day, and my time as Marian for the other part of the day.

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I didn't get much sleep last night, and knew I'd need a nap later on in the day.  So, when I got up, I moved slowly for the first half of the morning, but was out to the bank for co-op business, then to another bank to do some business of my own.  I was finished with the need to present as Mario by noon, and was able to switch into Marian presentation.

Once home, I didn't rush into female mode.  Instead, I folded a basket of laundry before starting my makeup routine.  And then, I made it to the train station in time to pick RQS up.  But where was she?  What I was to find out, was that RQS was delayed due to equipment change at Grand Central.  RQS had a comfortable seat on a crowded train on one platform when the train was taken out of service.  RQS, like the rest of the passengers had to move to another train waiting on another platform that was scheduled to leave at the same time as the out of service equipment  And RQS barely made it to the train on the other platform on time.  So, RQS ended up arriving a few minutes late.

Instead of going out to eat, we went home and had a bite to eat before taking a nap.  We could have gone out again, but it was not in the cards to do so - we were in for the night, and needed some quiet time for ourselves.

A visit to the pulmonologist

 

Today was my yearly visit to my pulmonologist.  This visit had to be made in my male presentation, so I made sure to double check that I moved my driver's license to my male wallet (which I haven't used in a couple of weeks) so that I can make the drive and be safe if I got into an accident or was pulled over by the police.  

But first.....

I had a better sleep than usual last night, but was still a little bit tired.  Yet, I knew that I wasn't going to go back to sleep, as I didn't want to be in a rush when I drove over to the doctor.  So, I got showered, then (unusual for me these days) got dressed as Mario.  It was noon by the time I left the house, and I knew that I'd be starving if I waited until after the doctors visit to grab a bite to eat.  Luckily, there is a local deli nearby where I could grab a quick egg sandwich that I could eat on my way to the doctor's office.  (You can tell that I'm a typical American - most people outside the US wouldn't think of eating and driving at the same time.)

On my way, I hit a construction zone which wasted about 10 minutes of my time.  But I was still able to reach the doctor's office on time.  It was 94 degrees outside, and I got out of my car and started walking to the entryway.  The sidewalk took me past an elderly fellow having a little trouble getting his walker out of his back seat.  I made sure not to get in his way, and made it to the office on time.  20 minutes later, I was leaving the building and saw the same elderly man in front of me on the sidewalk.  In order NOT to have to wait for him to climb the short set of steps, I walked around him (going on the grass beside the sidewalk) so I could go up the stairs before him.  

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Once home, I relaxed for a while and then did some more laundry.  For the most part, it was a calm day, the first of 2 in which I'd be spending part of the day presenting as a male.  Tomorrow will be a visit to the bank for some co-op business which requires another day out as Mario.  At least, I'll be able to spend most of the weekend as Marian.

Today was another "Half and Half" day.

 

I had to be ready for visitors at 9:30 today, as I had to show my co-op's site manager what was wrong with many of our windows.  This isn't much, save that I had to sort through a lot of stuff I plan to toss out or give away, and neaten up the apartment as much as possible before the site manager arrived.  (My place grew out of hand during Covid, as I was dealing with the absence of both XFGJ and FCP in my life, followed by the death of my father.  So, it's a lot of mess that still needs to be cleaned up, and I needed to minimize the visual presence of Marian while she would be here.

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At 9:30 sharp, our site manager arrived, and I showed her the problems with our windows.  Now, I think she has a handle on what the typical problems are and what has to be done to resolve them.  However, I wonder what she thinks about after seeing my place.  

Once the site manager had left, I changed from presenting as Mario to presenting as Marian,   My niece and I had to postpone our zoom meeting until next week.  So, that gave me a little time to rest before going out for dinner.  (I needed a nap, as I didn't sleep well the night before.)  Around 4:00, I started getting ready to go out, and ended up at the diner around 5:00.  Service was sloppier than usual, as I don't think the waitress had that much experience.  But once I got the dish I wanted, I was stuffed to the gills.  (In this case, the expression "to the gills" is appropriate, as I had ordered crab meat stuffed filet of sole.)

I was tired enough to sleep when I got home, but a woman's work is never done - 2 of the 3 loads of laundry had to be done, and I made sure to take care of that before shutting down for the day.