Lunch with CCS and Zooming with the girls (a short post)

 

I had 2 things on the docket today, but not much else to do.  And yet, I virtually forgot about one of them until a reminder came on my screen.

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Not having enough sleep last night, I knew that I'd be taking a nap sometime between lunch and my zoom call with our Texas friends.  So, around noon (after several hours in bed which I couldn't return to sleep), I got showered, made up, and dressed to see CCS in Ossining for lunch.  

CCS arrived at the pizzeria shortly before I did.  (She was walking to the pizzeria while I was waiting to pull into a parking spot.)  Our conversation flowed like we had never had a month since our last lunch.  I talked about my recent cruise, while she talked about her new house.  And then, we got to world politics - where we share a similar worldview.

All too soon, we had to go our separate ways, and I went home to rest.  I was on the computer when a pop-up appeared.  My Zoom meeting with our Texas friends was about to begin.  So it was back on with a little bit of blush and lipstick, then I got dressed for the Zoom.  Unlike other Zoom meetings, RQS and I did 95% of the talking.  Neither of us enjoyed the meeting, as our two friends had nothing to contribute to the conversation.

The Zoom meeting ended earlier than planned, and it was just as well.  Neither RQS nor I were in the mood to carry on the meeting by ourselves. 

 

Often, Transgendered Life Can Be Very Mundane - but it takes some time to get there.

 

What is it about being transgender that most of us wish we could have?  The answer to that question is relatively simple: We wish to live our lives and be perceived as the gender in which we identify.  

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Let's say one chooses to live life in the gender opposite to which as one was identified as belonging to at birth.  One would then have to navigate a maze of challenges in order to be accepted in one's "New" identity and not stand out as Transgender:

• Presentation.
  - Dressing appropriately for each situation.
  - Makeup (Where, When, and How Much?)
  - Development of vocal traits appropriate to one's gender.
  - Surgeries (if needed) to live in one's authentic gender
• Social Skills.
  - Learning behaviors appropriate for one's "New" Gender.
  - Learning verbal language skills appropriate to one's "New" Gender.
  - Learning non-verbal language skills (body language) appropriate to one's "New" Gender.
•  Legal Issues.
  - Name changes on legal documents (Birth Certificate, Driver's License, etc.).
  - Financial Arrangements (updated name on bank accounts, insurance policies, etc.)
• Medical Issues.
  - Treatment for body parts part of "New" gender.
  - Treatment for body parts remaining from "Old" gender.
  - Choosing new doctors (as needed)
• Social Life.
  - Building up friendships with others of your "New" gender
  - Development of interests of your "New" gender to share common interests.

The above is not a complete list of these challenges, nor will all of them apply to every transgender person.  For example, many transgender people live in the role of their "New" gender without any intent to undergo Gender Correction Surgeries.  Others may consider this step necessary for their unique journeys. I feel that my journey depended on learning how to speak as a female, and I underwent voice training to help my voice sound more feminine.  

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Often, one has to ask a very important question:

How "Passable" do I need to become? 

This might be the most important question a transgender person needs to ask.  Ideally, I'd like to be able to have Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), Breast Augmentation, and Hair Restoration (I hate wearing wigs!) When it comes to bottom surgery (a.k.a. Gender Correction Surgery - GCS), I can take it or leave it.  To me, the only benefit from GCS would be the ability to go into a woman's locker room and not have to hide my private parts.  Since I don't go to a gym, it's not a big deal for me.  But this could be a problem for other trans people.

Some trans people do not have a need to pass.  Instead, they simply want to blend in as much as possible, or they don't mind being seen as part of the "Queer Community".  One trans woman I know has no desire to have bottom surgery, as she feels she could lose her ability to have an orgasm.  Her voice still sounds masculine, and the nose on her face is the only visual feature that would identify her as a M2F trans woman.  Yet, she's happy with her presentation.  She participates in local women's groups, and persues her dreams in retirement.

Not all trans people can become "passable".  One trans woman I've met stands 6'6".  The lack of feminine curves combined with her height gives her away as being transgender.  Another trans woman I know still have the physical appearance of being a linebacker.  For these trans women, "Blending In" is the best that they can do.  And, hopefully, this will be enough for these trans women.

The issue of "Passing" is not unique to trans women.  I have also met trans men who are very short, and still have their feminine curves.  At work, one of these trans men (when I was last in contact with him) had to present as a Butch Lesbian at work, instead of being outed as transgender at work.  (He worked in an environment where being a Butch Lesbian did not affect "her" social standing, but being transgender would have caused people to discriminate against him.)

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Eventually, most of us are able to find a new normal in life.  Our existence becomes much more mundane, filled with activities in which cisgender people would be involved.  Their transgender identities become less and less a factor in their lives.   They have navigated through their mazes, and found ways to live within the boundaries of objective reality.  The mundane has finally become a new normal.  And, hopefully, the transgender person can live the full life s/he hoped for with a minimum of hassles.

RQS had to go home, and I needed to rest a little

 

This morning, I let RQS sleep a little late.  She'd be rushing around for part of the week, and I figured that her last morning here should be restful.

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Around 10 am, the weekday alarms sounded, and RQS finally got up after a long sleep.  As for me, I was up earlier, and knew I'd need to rest sometime during the day.

Unlike most Mondays, where I'd get her to the station by noon, I got her to the station in mid-afternoon.  Things I have planned to take care of today got put off, such as scheduling an appointment for physical therapy, touching base with medicare in regard to the GLP-1 Bridge program, and doing another load of laundry.  (I could have done the laundry, but I was too tired to bother with it.)

It was nice to get out in a summery dress again, as I know that within a couple of weeks that I'll be wearing my autumn wardrobe.  There are new dresses I want to buy, but I have to limit myself - every dress I buy means that another goes into a donation bag for a charity.

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When I was home for the night, I rested for a while and watched the Vidiot box.  It keeps me occupied without having to think much.  Eventually, I made something to eat.  Nothing memorable, and that's a compliment to the dish.  I just needed calories, and I got them in the quickest way possible.

RO contacted me to say that our lunch was off for tomorrow.  I didn't mind this, but I did mind not getting a response from her afterward.  Could something be wrong?  I'll have to try and touch base with her tomorrow to be sure.  At least, this gives me time to take care of some of the things I didn't take care of today. 

A couple of nice days out as Marian (a short post)

 

Both RQS and I took it slowly on Friday, not just because my legs were misbehaving, but because RQS was aroused by an unexpected phone call.  The person she was supposed to visit at the end of the month would be unavailable due to health reasons.  And that would mean we have more time together.  We're both glad that I didn't book a 5-day cruise to Bermuda as I once planned over a month ago.

I got moving slowly, and we had a bite to eat before visiting the book store.  It took a while to get there, as I didn't want to go to the store nearest me.  Instead, we drove down to Hartsdale, and RQS found the magazines she wanted to buy.  Then, it was back to the house to rest.

It was not much of a day.  But after the day before's rush to take care of things, it was nice to spend a day without a schedule.

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Saturday came, and it was time for us to see the legal case of the millennium: 

Coyote vs. Acme

Although the opening says the film is based on a real story, this is pure fiction and inspired by a story in a magazine. It is a fun film, and well worth seeing.  Most of the major Looney Tunes characters appear in the film in one form or another - including Bugs Bunny leaking information to Coyote's attorney. The film is a David vs. Goliath story, and an indirect indictment of the corporate structure that caused this film to get shelved for tax purposes.

We went to a mid-afternoon showing of the film, and we noticed that half of the multiplex was being torn apart.  Modern seating was being installed, and it appeared as if the multiplex was being reconfigured for these seats.  There were only a handful of people in the theater, and it made me wonder - will people return to the multiplex when the renovation is finished?  I'm not sure.

The weekend started early with a visit to the theater

 

I'm not sure how many of us will recognize the lead performer in this picture.  He has told the story about The Day the Music died (February 3, 1959), and has had an active career since then.  He still makes records today with musicians such as Eric Clapton, Marc Knopfler, and Paul Simon.  If you haven't guessed his name by now, this is Dion Di Mucci, the singer of such hits as "The Wanderer", "Runaround Sue". and more.  And in his mid 80's, he still puts on one heck of a show!

But first....

It's a Thursday, and RQS was scheduled to come up a day early for tonight's concert,. Our plan was for me to visit my doctor in the morning, to change into Marian Mode, and pick her up at the train station 3 hours later.  

First, I went to my GP/Internist, and he hectored me about my weight, while checking out my leg problems.  He was much more focused on my weight as if it were a moral problem, never having recommended a dietician to help me plan my food intake.  Yes, he did check out my muscle responses with his rubber hammer.  But I felt I got much more out of last week's visit to the podiatrist, with recommendations for physical therapy (for lower body strengthening) and to an Orthopedist (to check for Spinal Stenosis).  Needless to say, that if a foot doctor is giving me a better path for dealing with the problems I'm having with walking, then it's time I start looking for another GP/Internist.

Next, I went home and took care of some minor cleaning up I had to do (my place had become a pig sty due to my leg issues), then picked RQS up at the station.  Stopping to pick up food for the weekend, I met someone with whom I worked at the census.  We had a nice chat, and then it was back to my place to put the groceries in the fridge, and to rest before going to dinner. and the theater.

Around 5:30, we left for the theater, and I was very glad to have prepaid parking across the street from the theater.  (There was no way I wanted to hunt for a parking spot in Port Chester, NY on a dreary day.)  Then we found a nice restaurant across the street, Inca Gaucho, were we both feasted on seafood.  Around 7:30, we walked over to the theater, climbed up 3+ flights of stairs to reach our seats in the nosebleed section.

The show started at 8:15, with Chazz Palminteri talking about the music heard in his Bronx neighborhood - Dion and the Belmonts.  (BTW: Chazz would be performing his one man show the next evening.) And then Dion came on stage. Dion put on a solid performance, opening up with some of his newer music (great and mature stuff) before transitioning to his hits.  He closed with "Runaround Sue" and "The Wanderer", where people were either standing up or dancing in the aisle.  For a man in his mid 80's to get an audience rocking this way, it's a miracle.  But then, so is much of Dion's life. 

 

Another visit to my doctor (a short post)

 

This is going to be a short post, as I am frustrated for understandable reasons.  I went to my doctor today, and got some more hectoring about my weight.  

Normally, I will fluctuate within a range of two or three pounds at any given time.  Today, I was at the upper range of my weight when I went to see him.  He asked me about the GLP-1 drugs, and then said that his office doesn't have the time to track things down.  Yet, later on, chatting to one of his staffers, the staffer said that she had received information that I had been approved for the bridge program, and that I am not alone in people from his office that she has been working on paperwork for these people.  

In short, it looks like my doctor is starting to check out of much effort needed for his practice.  (I could be very wrong on this.)

It's frustrating to find out that a foot doctor, someone who casually saw me less than a week ago, gave me a script for physical therapy and a recommendation to see an orthopedist, and then to find out that my GP didn't even ask me about the visit to the other doctor.  

So, the big question is:  When do I make my move to another GP?  

Politics - I hate all the ads

 

Not many of us would recognize the above snapshot from a political ad from the 1960's.  It only aired once, and its impact was devastating.  This ad implied that if Barry Goldwater was elected, we'd have World War 3. It was one of the best ads to air only once, as it scared people into NOT voting for Goldwater.  And, in many ways, it led to many of the scare tactic / "vote against" ads we see today.

Lately, my TV has been bombarded with ads for the Democratic and Republican candidates for Congress in NY-17.  The incumbent, a Republican, does very little for our district, and his only accomplishment is to have increased the SALT (state & local  tax) deduction  to $40k for the next 3 years.  At the same time, he voted to gut much of the federal government safety net that takes care of many of America's poor and unemployed.  His opponent will get my vote, simply because she is Anti-Trump, where the incumbent is solidly Pro-Trump.

Although this is a mid-term election, it is as important as most presidential elections, as it may give the Democratic party the power to check our current president.  I'm hoping for this, as I'm tired of our Orange Monster blaming all of his failures on everyone else.  Given that we're in an illegal war with Iran, our president needs to stop the monster before he goes completely bonkers (if one could say he hasn't done so already).

I expect that in 2 years, our presidential election ads will make it impossible to watch TV without getting disgusted by the ads.  The Democrats will bet everything to regain the presidency when the monster is supposed to leave office, and the Republicans will be fighting to retain the presidency.  Given that virtually no one in the Republican party was willing to check the monster when they could, I expect that they will continue the culture wars that the monster made part of his toolkit.  

It'll take a lot of money, time and effort to undo the damage our president has done to our country and the world.  I hope that this mid-term election becomes America's start to undo the harm the Orange Monster has visited on all of us.