Lunch with RO, and Game Night in Yonkers

 

As I write this, it's almost midnight and I haven't the energy to say much about today.  And yet, in spite of the little things, it was a successful day.

Let me begin here....

I didn't get a restful sleep last night, but managed to sleep an interrupted 6 hours.  That doesn't sound like much for many people, but when one wakes up twice in the middle of the night for bio-breaks, it's more like having 4-5 hours of sleep.  When the alarm clock rang at 10 am, I knew I had to get up and get ready to see RO in New Jersey.

So, I got showered and dressed, and when I was about to leave the house - the first problem of the day occurred.  I had tossed a pillow on the couch, and it fell in back of it.  Stupid me...  I decided to try and retrieve it, wasting 15 minutes of time I could have spent on the road to meet RO.  After tearing apart everything on one side of the couch to reach the pillow, I was able to retrieve it - and made the mistake of tossing the "grabber" in a way that it too had fallen behind the couch.  Retrieving the grabber would have to wait until I got home.

It took me a little over 1 hour & 15 minutes to get to the restaurant, and I was only 5 minutes late.  RO and I chatted and caught up on things. Although she is not political, she worries about her trans nephew in this political climate.  RO was glad to hear about my brother gaining his second citizenship, and was glad that my paperwork is well on its way to being processed.  All too soon, it was time to go, and we agreed to try and meet sometime in early July.

I drove a little under 1½ hours to get home, using a different route than I used to meet RO., then passed out for a couple of hours once I hit the couch.  (BTW, it only took me 5 minutes to fetch the grabber.)  Around 6, I realized that it was game night.  So, I changed into something a little warmer than what I wore to lunch and drove to Yonkers.  Believe it or not, I won 1 of the 2 games tonight.  Yay!

All in all, it was a good day, but not a perfect day.  But who needs perfection when things are in your favor? 

 

I was looking for something to wear under my dresses to prevent chafing....

 

Given that I am a fat T-Gal, I am always looking for a second set of undies which I can wear over my base layer and do two things: Keep my thighs from chafing, and help keep my front as flat as possible while remaining comfortable. And that's where today's story begins....

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I had three things on the docket for today: 

• Reviewing financial status with an advisor
• Lunch with CCS
• Retail therapy.   

The first item took a bit longer than expected.  But the advisor said that I am in excellent financial shape for my age, and will help fine tune things to meet my short and long term goals.  I'll develop a few questions for him, and schedule a further review in a few weeks.

Next was lunch with CCS.  We went to the same place we went to last month, and talked for almost 2 hours.  Towards the end, I mentioned an interest in seeing Dion, and she was interested as well.  So, hopefully, she'll be able to score extra tickets for us at one of the Connecticut casinos.

And finally came shopping in the intimates department.  I always have problems finding my size on the racks at Walmart.  Officially, my hips are narrow enough that I can wear a size 3x undergarment.  It's my chest that forces me to buy a size 28 dress.  While rummaging through the racks, a lady starts up a conversation about looking for undies.  She expects her shape wear to perform miracles for her - stuffing a watermelon through a sausage casing, expecting to hide her belly.  This is not going to happen.  But she assumed I was a cisgender female, and we talked about shape wear and the need to relieve one's self.  I mentioned that I will wear all-in ones/body suits if I need to fit into something, and then we shifted to getting the garment out of the way for a bio break.  (I hate the 3 hook mechanism in the crotch of these garments, but she would have a problem reaching this area based on her fat distribution.)  

It's nice when one cisgender female assumes that I am one of the same, and we can talk about female issues with ease.  Once women know I am TG, they always censor themselves on some topics. So not being seen as Trans is an asset for me. 

 

 

If it weren't for the Jewish Holidays, I might have gotten free tickets.

 

Does anyone recognize who this performer is?  I'll give you a clue - he could have been on the plane with Buddy Holley, but (as I understand it) he didn't have the money to afford to fly to the tour's next stop.  For this, I think the world is very lucky, as this man, in his 80's, is still making great music.  No, he's not making hits anymore.  But he is performing with some of the best musicians in the business.

Dion DiMucci is best known for his work in the 50's, 60's and 70's.  Yet, I think some of his later work is even better than the music he is best known for.  I love one of the songs he did with Paul Simon (Written on the Subway Wall / Little Star), where Simon sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in the middle of Dion's song.  It's a wonderful piece, and his later tunes such as Dancing Girl (w. Mark Knopfler) are as good or better than much of his early work.

I told my friend about Dion's scheduled performance in September, and it fell on the Jewish Holiday of Rosh Hashanah.  As a result, RQS and will not be able to scarf up a pair of free tickets.  Instead, we will likely buy a pair of tickets to a performance closer to home.  This is just as well, as I have the excuse to ask RQS to come here a day earlier than usual.

This might be one of the last chances to see Dion perform live.  So I'm going, whether or not RQS decided to come with me.  Now, if only John Fogerty would be performing at a venue and on a date convenient to us.  I'm still hoping for one last chance to see Chubby Checker perform, but given his age, we can only have pleasant memories of doing the twist like we did last summer....

Caesar Salad Dressing and Transgenders

 

Sometimes, a T-Gal has got to eat.  And for me, tonight was the time to make fresh Caesar Salad dressing and toss it with some fresh Romaine Lettuce.

To Start:

1. In a medium bowl, whisk anchovies, egg yolks, garlic, mustard, and lemon juice. While whisking, slowly stream in oil until dressing is thick and creamy. (This can also be done with an immersion blender or in a small food processor.)
    
2. Stir in Parmesan and black pepper; season with salt.

You may ask with something this simple, what did I do wrong?  Since my mother never taught me to cook (Remember, I was a boy to her, and thankfully never learned her bad cooking style), I've had to gradually learn how to do simple things on my own.  This is not a bad thing, as I get pleasantly excited when something I do comes out right.  In this case, I didn't slowly stream in the oil.  That's something I'll do next time I prepare this dish.

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Why do I mention food preparation in a blog that discusses a transgender life?  Well, most TG women have to learn ALL the skills normally acquired by cisgender females in a fraction of the time.  Even when others are tolerant of our mistakes, we can make big ones and be totally embarrassed by them if we give things much thought.  We learn by doing, and we must be more observant than the average person, so that we can blend in well.

There is a big confidence factor in blending in.  One must feel that s/he is the gender in which s/he is presenting.  Each time I am pegged as a male, I ask myself - where did I slip up?  Did I slip up at all, and that being perceived as TG was the only thing possible for the other person?  So many questions, and so much to learn.

Like cooking, transgender presentation as a female (or as a male for F2M TGs) takes work.  F2M transgenders have an easier time in appearing male than M2F transgenders have in appearing female.  Cisgender males are taller than cisgender females, have more body mass, and other features that are easy to notice if you are looking for them.  Yet, for most of us, it is possible with a bit of work.  So, keep it up - you'll get where you want to be if you don't give up. 

 

 

PS: I forgot the Anchovies the next time I made the dressing.... 

 

The end of a long weekend (a short post)

 

Over the weekend, my brother got word that he is finally on a nation's foreign birth registry.  He is now a citizen of a European Country.  My paperwork is several months behind his, and I will check in with the foreign birth registrar when my application hits the one year mark from submission.  I would have liked to have also been eligible for the St. Kitts passport above.  But this is not the case anymore.

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This weekend, the rain has kept us inside most of the time.  Although we got outside for some food shopping on Sunday, I didn't bother going to church - it was way too wet outside.  By the time we left the house, only the supermarkets were open for business.  At least, I was able to get into a pretty dress for this short trip.

Memorial day was something else.  The sun was out, and we relaxed until mid afternoon.  Again, the weather was warm, and I wore one of my summer dresses. Did I need to go through the headaches of preparing myself for a female presentation today?  No.  But I enjoyed doing so.  Soon, I'll be stuck in presenting as Mario for a doctor's appointment.  But once I'm done, I intend to get my nails done for the first time in a long while.

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I'm surprised at how sensitive a person can be.  When I compared Christian sects proselyting to recruit new followers with someone's complaint about Islam and hijabs, I didn't expect a tempest in a teapot.  This person believes that Islam is out to exterminate Christianity.  If the only nations who practiced Islam were Saudi Arabia and Iran, then she may have a case, given that the closer to Mecca one is, the more extreme a form of Islam is encountered.  Travel far away from the middle east, and people are much more relaxed about the faiths of their neighbors.  This doesn't mean that jihad doesn't exist.  But there are several types mentioned in Islamic scripture and not all are violent.

Given that this woman has soured on Trump, there may be hope for her yet.  But I doubt it.  She gets her news from right wing outlets, and she calls Democratic politicians by insulting names - something I don't do, even in regard to politicians I hate, such as Ted Cruz and Lindsay Graham.  There is a lack of respect for others in her attitude, and it is related to the tribe in which she identifies.

In 2029, I expect to see America rebuke the GOP much more than it will this November.  Investigations and trials will be on the agenda, and I expect that we'll see constitutional amendments come out of the process.  MAGA will become a chronic political disease instead of a near fatal one.  Or, at least I hope this becomes true. 

As I write this.... (a short post)

 

As I write this, I've been thinking of people I have known, wondering what they would think if they were around to see me now.  Most of my friends, family and acquaintances likely had no idea I am a TG. But I can say that for most of my life I wouldn't have thought so either.

My wife may have thought that this was a harmless little kink, as long as I didn't go outside while in women's clothing.  I wonder what she'd think now, as I maximize the time I present as a female and minimize the amount of time I present as a male.  The one time she objected to me wearing women's clothing was on our wedding night.  I think she wanted to be sure of her role in our relationship.

Before my wife and I got married, I kept a promise to my late friend Carol.  I feel that Carol may have been a lonely person, as I don't remember her talking about her friends.  She was the stepmother of a woman I once dated, and I am grateful that this woman and I never hit it off.  Carol opened a letter I addressed to the stepdaughter, and we ended up in contact with each other, building up a friendship that lasted until Carol died.  So, when I kept my promise, I brought my (then) future wife with me to Carol's grave for an introduction.

Bill was my best friend through college, and was the best man at my wedding.  I never felt comfortable talking with him about this side of me, and now there is no chance to do so.  Recently, his email address was disconnected (his private domain expired with no renewal), and he hasn't responded to any texts sent to him.  Given that he survived a brain aneurysm  a few years ago, I wouldn't doubt that another similar issue caused him to be totally disabled or have killed him.

Prior to meeting XGFJ, I had dated two women named Linda. One accepted the fact that I enjoyed wearing women's clothes, but there was no chemistry between us.  (It didn't help that I didn't have a CPAP unit yet, and was very noisy when sleeping.)  Would she have accepted seeing me dressed?  I'm not sure.  But I know that the other Linda would not have been able to accept this.  She was looking for someone more successful and more traditional in nature.

Strangely enough, I think that my mom would have been accepting of me as Marian.  But that's because I think she always wanted a daughter.  My father on the other hand would have had trouble doing so.  During the last few years of his life he was resistant to change, and even had a Trump sticker on his car's bumper.

Enough of thoughts of people from my past.  I'm living in the now, and visit my past sparingly while looking forward to the future.

Often, a mundane life can be boring

 

One thing I have noticed over the past few weeks is that when things are calm and I am living a mundane life, people can find me boring.  Isn't this what most trans people want for their lives?  Excitement and challenges are good and necessary.  But, being calm and relaxed is important too.  Balance is essential for a healthy life.

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When I switched to writing this blog, I lost 2/3's of my readership.  I attribute this loss to not including stories about the life of my former cruise partner and the "Sturm und Drang" in her life.  Yet, that's a good thing.  After undergoing painful feelings of loss and grief, I came out a better person in the end.  I hope she came out better as well.

In the beginning, life for a transgender person can be scary.  First, we have to experiment with being partially out.  Questions like "what will people think?" and "what can happen to me?" come to mind.  We fear our unknowns, and we are often paralyzed by our fears.  Gradually, we start tiptoeing outside and getting used to being seen.  We know our appearance is far from perfect, but we're experimenting with our new social identities.  At this time, we usually work towards having the skills to blend in and not be noticed (at first) as being transgender people.  We are learning who we are and who we want to be by being out in the world.  Yet, our identities are not yet fixed yet.

After a while, we develop confidence in our "new" selves.  We have learned the unwritten language of our authentic gender, and people know us as our authentic identity.  Some of us move forward to medical transition, others stay with legal and social transition, and the rest remain comfortable in gender roles that provide enough flexibility to present as their authentic selves.

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So, do I lead a boring life?  In some ways, yes.  In others, no.  One of my friends says I have the best of both worlds.  But I'm not sure of that.  I can never grow close to my children as a cisgender woman can.  Nor can I take advantage of male privilege in ways I find alien to me.  It's as if I am an immigrant in a new world.  Familiar, yes.  And yet, a little bit strange.  But I wouldn't change things for the world.