Caesar Salad Dressing and Transgenders

 

Sometimes, a T-Gal has got to eat.  And for me, tonight was the time to make fresh Caesar Salad dressing and toss it with some fresh Romaine Lettuce.

To Start:

1. In a medium bowl, whisk anchovies, egg yolks, garlic, mustard, and lemon juice. While whisking, slowly stream in oil until dressing is thick and creamy. (This can also be done with an immersion blender or in a small food processor.)
    
2. Stir in Parmesan and black pepper; season with salt.

You may ask with something this simple, what did I do wrong?  Since my mother never taught me to cook (Remember, I was a boy to her, and thankfully never learned her bad cooking style), I've had to gradually learn how to do simple things on my own.  This is not a bad thing, as I get pleasantly excited when something I do comes out right.  In this case, I didn't slowly stream in the oil.  That's something I'll do next time I prepare this dish.

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Why do I mention food preparation in a blog that discusses a transgender life?  Well, most TG women have to learn ALL the skills normally acquired by cisgender females in a fraction of the time.  Even when others are tolerant of our mistakes, we can make big ones and be totally embarrassed by them if we give things much thought.  We learn by doing, and we must be more observant than the average person, so that we can blend in well.

There is a big confidence factor in blending in.  One must feel that s/he is the gender in which s/he is presenting.  Each time I am pegged as a male, I ask myself - where did I slip up?  Did I slip up at all, and that being perceived as TG was the only thing possible for the other person?  So many questions, and so much to learn.

Like cooking, transgender presentation as a female (or as a male for F2M TGs) takes work.  F2M transgenders have an easier time in appearing male than M2F transgenders have in appearing female.  Cisgender males are taller than cisgender females, have more body mass, and other features that are easy to notice if you are looking for them.  Yet, for most of us, it is possible with a bit of work.  So, keep it up - you'll get where you want to be if you don't give up. 

 

 

PS: I forgot the Anchovies the next time I made the dressing.... 

 

The end of a long weekend (a short post)

 

Over the weekend, my brother got word that he is finally on a nation's foreign birth registry.  He is now a citizen of a European Country.  My paperwork is several months behind his, and I will check in with the foreign birth registrar when my application hits the one year mark from submission.  I would have liked to have also been eligible for the St. Kitts passport above.  But this is not the case anymore.

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This weekend, the rain has kept us inside most of the time.  Although we got outside for some food shopping on Sunday, I didn't bother going to church - it was way too wet outside.  By the time we left the house, only the supermarkets were open for business.  At least, I was able to get into a pretty dress for this short trip.

Memorial day was something else.  The sun was out, and we relaxed until mid afternoon.  Again, the weather was warm, and I wore one of my summer dresses. Did I need to go through the headaches of preparing myself for a female presentation today?  No.  But I enjoyed doing so.  Soon, I'll be stuck in presenting as Mario for a doctor's appointment.  But once I'm done, I intend to get my nails done for the first time in a long while.

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I'm surprised at how sensitive a person can be.  When I compared Christian sects proselyting to recruit new followers with someone's complaint about Islam and hijabs, I didn't expect a tempest in a teapot.  This person believes that Islam is out to exterminate Christianity.  If the only nations who practiced Islam were Saudi Arabia and Iran, then she may have a case, given that the closer to Mecca one is, the more extreme a form of Islam is encountered.  Travel far away from the middle east, and people are much more relaxed about the faiths of their neighbors.  This doesn't mean that jihad doesn't exist.  But there are several types mentioned in Islamic scripture and not all are violent.

Given that this woman has soured on Trump, there may be hope for her yet.  But I doubt it.  She gets her news from right wing outlets, and she calls Democratic politicians by insulting names - something I don't do, even in regard to politicians I hate, such as Ted Cruz and Lindsay Graham.  There is a lack of respect for others in her attitude, and it is related to the tribe in which she identifies.

In 2029, I expect to see America rebuke the GOP much more than it will this November.  Investigations and trials will be on the agenda, and I expect that we'll see constitutional amendments come out of the process.  MAGA will become a chronic political disease instead of a near fatal one.  Or, at least I hope this becomes true. 

As I write this.... (a short post)

 

As I write this, I've been thinking of people I have known, wondering what they would think if they were around to see me now.  Most of my friends, family and acquaintances likely had no idea I am a TG. But I can say that for most of my life I wouldn't have thought so either.

My wife may have thought that this was a harmless little kink, as long as I didn't go outside while in women's clothing.  I wonder what she'd think now, as I maximize the time I present as a female and minimize the amount of time I present as a male.  The one time she objected to me wearing women's clothing was on our wedding night.  I think she wanted to be sure of her role in our relationship.

Before my wife and I got married, I kept a promise to my late friend Carol.  I feel that Carol may have been a lonely person, as I don't remember her talking about her friends.  She was the stepmother of a woman I once dated, and I am grateful that this woman and I never hit it off.  Carol opened a letter I addressed to the stepdaughter, and we ended up in contact with each other, building up a friendship that lasted until Carol died.  So, when I kept my promise, I brought my (then) future wife with me to Carol's grave for an introduction.

Bill was my best friend through college, and was the best man at my wedding.  I never felt comfortable talking with him about this side of me, and now there is no chance to do so.  Recently, his email address was disconnected (his private domain expired with no renewal), and he hasn't responded to any texts sent to him.  Given that he survived a brain aneurysm  a few years ago, I wouldn't doubt that another similar issue caused him to be totally disabled or have killed him.

Prior to meeting XGFJ, I had dated two women named Linda. One accepted the fact that I enjoyed wearing women's clothes, but there was no chemistry between us.  (It didn't help that I didn't have a CPAP unit yet, and was very noisy when sleeping.)  Would she have accepted seeing me dressed?  I'm not sure.  But I know that the other Linda would not have been able to accept this.  She was looking for someone more successful and more traditional in nature.

Strangely enough, I think that my mom would have been accepting of me as Marian.  But that's because I think she always wanted a daughter.  My father on the other hand would have had trouble doing so.  During the last few years of his life he was resistant to change, and even had a Trump sticker on his car's bumper.

Enough of thoughts of people from my past.  I'm living in the now, and visit my past sparingly while looking forward to the future.

Often, a mundane life can be boring

 

One thing I have noticed over the past few weeks is that when things are calm and I am living a mundane life, people can find me boring.  Isn't this what most trans people want for their lives?  Excitement and challenges are good and necessary.  But, being calm and relaxed is important too.  Balance is essential for a healthy life.

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When I switched to writing this blog, I lost 2/3's of my readership.  I attribute this loss to not including stories about the life of my former cruise partner and the "Sturm und Drang" in her life.  Yet, that's a good thing.  After undergoing painful feelings of loss and grief, I came out a better person in the end.  I hope she came out better as well.

In the beginning, life for a transgender person can be scary.  First, we have to experiment with being partially out.  Questions like "what will people think?" and "what can happen to me?" come to mind.  We fear our unknowns, and we are often paralyzed by our fears.  Gradually, we start tiptoeing outside and getting used to being seen.  We know our appearance is far from perfect, but we're experimenting with our new social identities.  At this time, we usually work towards having the skills to blend in and not be noticed (at first) as being transgender people.  We are learning who we are and who we want to be by being out in the world.  Yet, our identities are not yet fixed yet.

After a while, we develop confidence in our "new" selves.  We have learned the unwritten language of our authentic gender, and people know us as our authentic identity.  Some of us move forward to medical transition, others stay with legal and social transition, and the rest remain comfortable in gender roles that provide enough flexibility to present as their authentic selves.

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So, do I lead a boring life?  In some ways, yes.  In others, no.  One of my friends says I have the best of both worlds.  But I'm not sure of that.  I can never grow close to my children as a cisgender woman can.  Nor can I take advantage of male privilege in ways I find alien to me.  It's as if I am an immigrant in a new world.  Familiar, yes.  And yet, a little bit strange.  But I wouldn't change things for the world.

We're booking another cruise.

 

I'll give my readers one clue to where we'll be cruising next year: It's a land with virtually no military at all, but it is a valuable member of NATO.

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Recently, I saw a good price on a Northern European cruise which would maximize our time in Iceland. Although we'd only have one day in Reykjavik, at least we'd have more than one port stop in the Land of Fire and Ice. It is on a cruise line that I haven't taken for almost three decades, Holland America. The deal we're getting isn't as good as we'd normally get on Princess. But it goes where we want it to go. And that's the important thing.

There are details that still have to be worked out. One of those things is airplane reservations. We can't do that for several months. That gives us time to pay down our balance on this cruise. As long as we have everything paid off before the final payment date, we should be OK. Unlike our previous pre-cruise trip to London, we have no relatives or friends who live on the European mainland. So, we'll be on our own in Europe (outside of the cruise itself) for the first time.

I never realized how quickly RQS would warm up to the idea of taking this trip. Maybe she's also looking at doing at least one "Bucket List" trip per year. Hopefully, we'll be able to do a Hawaii, a Panama Canal, and another Alaska cruise before our health starts to fail due to old age.

Yet, I'm rambling on. We still have one cruise left to take this year, and I might find a way to take another trip if I have the money to pay for it. For now, it's time for me to live in the present, and not in the future or past.

We're having a heat wave....

 

The thermometer broke 90° today, and I was lucky enough to have been able to stay inside.  I feel sorry for the people who had to sweat it out on the NYC Subway today, as I was once one of those commuters.

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There wasn't much on the docket for today.  Yet, I got things done from inside the house.  First on the docket was a phone call with Vicki's financial advisor - and we got along well.  (I'm glad that this wasn't a zoom meeting, as I didn't want any trace of Marian to show up in the video feed.)  He will work up a first draft of a financial plan for me, and then I can review it.

Next was a phone call with the co-op president.  We discussed changes needed for the recent meeting minutes and for the quarterly newsletter.  I would have liked more time.  But my next appointment was at 8:00, and I didn't want to be late for my zoom meeting with our Texas friends.  I opened up the zoom, and it was a shorter meeting than usual - none of us that had much to say.

Following the Zoom, I chatted with TCL for a while, and then called RQS to discuss our events of the day.  There was a 2027 Icelandic cruise that I was interested in, so I forwarded a request to our travel agent for pricing information.  If the numbers are right, I will put a down payment on the cruise.  

Finally, I got back to the editing of our meeting minutes and our newsletter.  By midnight, I was done and ready to sleep.  Tomorrow, it will be both wet (rain) and hot - AARGH!  There is no chance that I will go down to NYC to see a pay as I planned for this week. I will be staying cool and comfortable on Wednesday, and RQS will be coming up on Thursday.

90° and getting even warmer!

 

It's several days before Memorial Day as I write this entry, and the thermometer already has broken the 90° mark.  Ouch!  What made things worse is that RQS had to go home and suffer with the heat on the NYC Subway.  AARGH!!

Neither of us wanted to get up this morning, but RQS had to make a 11:42 train.  So we both got dressed in loose fitting garments, and I drove her to the station.  Once I dropped her off, it was time for me to pick up some breakfast before going home.  And then I took a nap, as I woke up at "god awful o'clock" and couldn't get back to sleep.

Around 5:00, I awoke from my nap and started to sort out laundry to go in the wash.  This wasn't much to do, but I wanted to balance out the loads so that I wouldn't have missing socks or undies between washes.  As it is, I have a bag filled with single socks that needs to be inspected for matches found from singlets I've deposited in the bag over several months.

Now that the sorting was done, I decided NOT to do the laundry due to the heat outside.  Instead, I decided to stay in for the night and stripped off my makeup.  And then, I paid my bills. For the most part, it was a boring day - which most life experiences should be for trans folk.  If we can go about our business without people hassling us, I consider that day to be a win.

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You might ask, why do I often focus on the mundane parts of my life?  Well, I consider it a responsibility for trans folk to look at how normal life can (and should) be for us and document our normalcy for others.  Only then can we have a benchmark for when things go sour....