It's hard to believe

 

The above is the woman I wish I could have grown up into from my birth.  Sadly, I was born with an incorrect chromosome, and I do not look that much like the lady in the picture.  At least, I had a career bordering on a "Wall Street" Career, but with less risk.

About 14 years, I was afraid to go out in public dressed as a woman.  Would I look enough like a cisgender woman to NOT draw attention?  What about sounding enough like a cisgender woman?  And, would I be dressed appropriately, and not stand out?  So many questions, but most of them involving learning how to function as a woman without having lived my whole life as a woman.

People don't think much about boys and girls are molded from infancy, through adolescence, and on to young adulthood.  Boys have been taught to be competitive, taught that femininity is something less than innate masculinity, taught that they always have to prove their masculinity.  Where girls would play with Barbie Dolls, boys would have G.I.Joe "Action Figures.  Girls were expected to learn homemaking skills, as if their path in life would be like Donna Reed's role in her eponymous show.

The reality of male performance vs. female performance is much more subtle.  In WW2, we had many "Rosie the Riveters".  But as soon as the war ended, women were mostly relegated to household roles.  By the time the 1960's came, America (and the world) was hit by a major change that would liberate women - the availability of the birth control pill.  No longer could many women suffer the social, economic, and medical risks of pregnancy if they weren't ready to do so.  Women were often free to be as sexually active as men!

Once women had sexual freedom, other rights were much easier to fight for.  Why should a woman need a male guardian to have credit cards in her own name?  Why should women be assumed to be in the secretarial pool (or other female dominated jobs)?  Women fought and won their rights with decades long struggles.  Much of this happened in my lifetime   And I likely would have been taking the pill, so that I wouldn't have a career interrupted by an unwanted pregnancy.  (Sorry, Pope Leo, I don't believe in the papacy's claim of "the banquet of life" as an excuse to risk getting pregnant.)  If I were a cisgender female, I would likely be as childless as I am now.

Now, we have a government which, if it got its way, would return us to the 1950's with all of its evils.  Hopefully, we'll be able to stop this in November....

The snow came and then the shovels came out. (a short post)

 

Sadly, there was no way I could go out as Marian today.  If I'm going to shovel out 15 inches of snow from around my car, I'm not going to make up my face - especially when the few cisgender women there would be without painted faces.  (I like blending in for all circumstances, and this was not a time where presenting as Marian would make sense.)

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For the most part, I did nothing all day until I saw several people shoveling their cars out.  So, I took a quick shower and got dressed as Mario to move the snow away from my car.  Once done, I moved it back to my normal parking spot (a big mistake, as it hadn't been plowed out yet.)  A few minutes later, I heard the return of the snow plows, so I went out again, and killed another hour.  When I returned, my spot was mostly clear, and I could use my space again.

At this point, I no longer wanted to be outside, so I'll wait until tomorrow, when I can present as Marian again. 

 

Getting snowed in.

 

You may be wondering why I posted an image of the Cruise Globe, with most of my voyages listed on its face.  Well, I'll get to that eventually, but first, let me describe my day.

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I woke up this morning, and knew that I didn't want risk moving my car, only to lose the one visitor's parking space left in our lot.  A blizzard was coming, and they expected the snow to start by mid afternoon.  RQS was safe in her home, near all the cold weather gear she'd need when the blizzard is over. As for me, I got dressed for only one reason - to take kitchen waste to the dumpster before the snow made it impossible for me to do so.  (Once back inside, it was back to my jammies.)

As I may have mentioned, I am working on a spreadsheet to allow people to plug in key parameters, and generate an approximate cost for an adult taking a specific cruise.  Each cruise line's beverage prices, Wi-Fi prices, package prices, package inclusions and automatic gratuity charges differ, and there is only so much someone can do to allow people to "Compare Apples to Apples."  At least, this spreadsheet comes reasonably close to doing so for basic fees, but it doesn't include things such as Specialty Coffees, Bottled Waters, and Top Shelf Beverages.  Work on the spreadsheet kept me busy all day and much of the night.

When I came up for air, I watched some cruise videos and read some cruise news.  There were 3 ships scheduled to leave from the New York City area, and all of them were affected by the weather.  NCL's ship left Manhattan as scheduled, and I expect people will get seasick before they spend their first night in the casino.  MSC's ship left Brooklyn, and returned later due to the weather.  Finally, Royal Caribbean's ship took on its passengers, but stayed in port.  Although the plans are for this ship to leave either on Monday or Tuesday, passengers had to be on the ship before its originally scheduled departure time.  Both RQS and I are very glad that we took our latest cruise in January, as the winter snows that came in the last month would have caused us some grief when we returned.

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Tomorrow, I expect to get dressed as Mario and shovel my car out of its parking space.  Since it's a heavy snow, I don't plan to rush things.  I'm no longer in my 20's, and I have to be careful not to over exert myself. 

 

Should auld acquaintance be forgot....

 

I'm not sure whether my friend knows I'm trans or not.  But I knew that I'd have to play things down a little, yet be honest when called for.  I met this acquaintance at a meetup many years ago, and she introduced me to Arts Westchester.  From there, we lost contact during Covid, and it was a phony Evite email that harvested email addresses which got me to reach out to her again.

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The weather, when I got up, was a constant drizzle.  Cold and damp was the forecast for the day, and I didn't want to go to lunch.  I wanted to stay cozy in my jammies and stay warm inside my apartment.  But I didn't want to screw up things, so I got dressed in something warm and left for a Chinese restaurant in Mamaroneck.  

While driving to the restaurant, I wondered whether this was such a good idea or not.  People were driving like mad men.  One driver I saw was weaving through traffic with barely a car's length of distance between the two cars.  On a dry day, this would be bad enough.  But when the road is wet, I knew enough to keep my distance and then some.

Although I had a hard time with the parking meter, I was able to pay for my spot and walk to the restaurant without getting drenched.  My friend came about 10 minutes later, not being sure if the meter had registered her payment or not.  And then, we both ordered the same dishes - Hot & Sour Soup, followed by Roast Duck.  Both were yummy.  We talked about many things, but the conversation was of the "Getting to Know You Again" genre.  Towards the end, she mentioned my dress - not noticing I was wearing leggings under it, and not tights.  (We were talking about the practicality of cold weather dressing.)

All too soon, lunch had to end.  So we bid each other farewell, and went out own ways.

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Later on, I picked RQS up at the station. Since I had Italian, Greek, and Chinese this week, it was off to the diner for dinner.  There are some dinners I go to as Mario and others I go to as Marian.  So, I chose the diner in Peekskill where I tend to go as Marian.  Food portions are plenty here - the fish and chips I had were enough to feed 3 people (or 1 of me).  And RQS had a healthy meal as well, also bringing home salad for tomorrow.

When we got home, we watched the weather reports - none of them were good.  RQS will now leave early, as a blizzard was coming in for Sunday/Monday.  AARGH!  This will likely be a very wet snow, and a bitch for shoveling out my car when it ends.  At least, my apartment will stay warm.  

Lunch with Short Vicki

 

It's been ages since I last saw "Short" Vicki.  (RQS and I call her that, to avoid confusion with the other Vicki in my life.)  Today was a last minute planned lunch, fitting it into her hectic schedule.

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I had to get up early today, so that I could meet Vicki in Tarrytown for lunch.  Given that I had leftover baked ziti in the ice box, I wasn't in the mood to have Italian again.  So, I chose a Greek place we both enjoy, and arranged to meet her by 11:30.  My alarms were set to waken me early, and I was up and moving by 9:30.

Having showered, shaved and made up my face, I was able to get out the door shortly after 11:00.  This would give me barely enough time to make it to Tarrytown by 11:30.  But I needn't have worried - Vicki was running late (caught in "flow" state with what she was doing) and was glad that I texted her, as she may have forgotten our lunch date.  While I waited, everyone treated me as the female as I was presenting. It's always nice to be treated as a woman - there are certain simple, polite niceties which women experience that I always enjoy. 

One thing about Vicki - she always seems to have a smile on her face.  This brightened up my day when she entered the restaurant.  We caught up on things - her trips (past and present), her family, current affairs, and issues affecting her family.  Our lunch was way too short, as both of us had things to do afterwards.  So, around 1:30, we left the restaurant, hoping we'll get together soon.

My next stop was back at my apartment, where I proceeded to work on a spreadsheet for my other blog.  It's not perfect, but it will give a person an idea of what one's real cost will be for a particular cruise, including optimizations made possible by judicious package purchases.

At a certain point, I decided to make a run to BJ's, and burn off a gift card I've had since before Xmas.  Other than gas, this was not an expensive trip, as the sunk money part of it (the gift card) was money already spent that needed to be used soon.

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Once I had finished work on the spreadsheet, I stored it away, and set up a zoom with our Texas friends for next week.  On the whole, it was a good day. 

 

 

Lunch with CCS, Laundry, and a Living Spreadsheet.

 

There was only one "Must Do" and one "Should Do" item on the docket today: Lunch with CCS, and Laundry.  And, believe it or not, I took care of both things.  But, doing laundry threw me a curve ball - one of the dresses I was to launder was labeled "Hand Wash, Dry Flat."  And this made me wonder about two other dresses from Universal Standard that found their way into my laundry basket.

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I woke up early enough to catch part of "Morning Joe" on the vidiot box. But it took me another couple of hours to get dressed and drive to the Italian restaurant in town to meet CCS.  When I got dressed, I put on a tunic dress over leggings, as I couldn't justify a dress with hosiery on a slightly rainy winter's day.  And, I got to the restaurant before CCS for a change.  During lunch, we talked about family events, our upcoming cruises, and politics - the usual stuff.   And, all too soon, lunch had to end.  Both of us had leftovers to eat another day.  So we scheduled our March lunch, and went our separate ways.

After lunch, I drove to Briarcliff Manor in the vain hope that I might stumble into the acquaintance I met at last night's meetup.  Of course, I did not stumble into her.  I guess she may have realized that I couldn't be the travel partner she seemed to desperately want.  (I also wonder if she wanted me as a lesbian partner.  But that's another reason I had to tell her that I have a long term partner in RQS)   Since she did not try to contact me, I'll write her off until the next time (if there is one) I stumble into her.

Once I was back home, I started work on my spreadsheet of cruising costs.  Finally, with enough experimentation, I was able to get the computation down for one of the nine cruise lines.  While doing this, I had two baskets (should have been three) of laundry in the washer and dryer.  So, after everything, this was a very productive day.

Finally, a meetup I could attend!

 

I had only one thing on the docket, and that was a Mardi Gras dinner in Rye, NY.  However, it didn't mean that I did nothing all day.  But it did mean that I avoided doing laundry again.

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The day started with me gaining consciousness around 8 am.  It doesn't mean I was fully awake.  It only means that my mind was functioning at a level where I could navigate the obstacle course from my bed to the toilet in time.  Once my bio-break was done, I was awake enough to start watching videos, and then work on a project for my cruise blog.

One of the problems most people have is having a good idea of how much their cruise will cost before booking the cruise. For most of us, we learn how to price out a cruise by the experiences we have when cruising.  But I want to make it a little easier, by having a spreadsheet that can be used to make the grunt work of calculating costs a magnitude easier than it is right now.

A problem with cruise packages is that there is no way to compare "apples with apples."  There are too many little wrinkles that make a side by side comparison of two cruises impossible. That is, until I finish this spreadsheet.  Then, one should be able to compare apples of two different varieties.  The spreadsheet will be far from perfect.  But it will give the cruiser a ball park figure to work with.

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Around 4 pm, I started getting ready to drive to Rye.  The location wasn't easy to find without Google Maps, but I got there almost on time, but not excessively late.  I had to call the restaurant to find out where to park - all street parking was in use.  But there was a nearby parking lot I could use.  The strange part in all of this is that I think I've been in the parking lot before, but not in the restaurant.

I saw the meetup hostess and her husband at the table, and a lady sitting there struck up a conversation.  This is one case where saying that I'm in a relationship AND presenting as female helped me.  I didn't want to send any signals that I am available (RQS would kill me for good reason), but I did want to send a signal that I was looking for another female friend.

The Jambalaya I ordered wasn't that great - the flavors were too muddy, and there wasn't enough protein (chicken, sausage, shrimp) that stood out.  For the most part, the dish tasted like gravy soaked rice with a minimal amount of protein to enjoy.  (Too bad we didn't go to the original restaurant, where I know the Jambalaya is prepared much better.)  

My new friend monopolized by attention for a large part of dinner, and I couldn't really enjoy the ice cream covered brownie, as I had to give this lady my attention.  Yet, I'd like to see her again, just as friends.  It would be nice to keep building up a network of people who only know me as Marian, and not as Mario.