Saturday, March 5, 2022

An unexpected communication


Today, I had an unexpected communication from someone in my past.  I won't go into what was said, save that this person still hurts from the loss of a friend and is not in the mood to see if something can be recovered from the past.  It saddens me to have received this communication, as this person will always hold in the anger that eats its way out from the inside.

But enough of that....

What I originally planned to talk about was an acquaintance and a headhunter spam email that they received:

From Headhunter:

I wanted to bring this Lead Software Engineer opportunity with DTCC back to the top of your inbox. At DTCC, they recognize that their continued success is directly attributed to their talented team. Still not sure?
DTCC employees work at the center of the world’s financial markets, bringing both innovation and stability to the entire post-trade lifecycle. Their work environment favors openness and gives people the freedom to do their jobs well, by encouraging diverse opinions and emphasizing teamwork. When you join their team, you’ll have an opportunity to make meaningful contributions at a company that is recognized as a thought leader in both the financial services and technology industries.
A few awesome benefits you'll receive while working at DTCC:
  • Competitive compensation, including base pay and annual incentive
  • Comprehensive health and life insurance and well-being benefits, based on location
  • Retirement benefits
  • Paid Time Off and other leave of absence
  • Flexible/Hybrid Work Arrangements
Let’s chat so I can tell you more about this ex-dynamic and diverse group of professionals!

My acquaintance, someone with brain cancer, posted this to their friends:

I'm currently dying of brain cancer.  How are  your work from grave policies?  Or work from afterlife?  Or, do your health benefits cover reincarnation? Leave of absence to be dead?

I'm glad that my acquaintance has a sense of gallows humor.  Maybe, this is why they have lasted longer than expected....

Friday, March 4, 2022

This is the one time my doctor might recommend for me to have a donut.


I woke up thinking I'd still have air in my tire, and found that I need to find my "Donut" and hope for the best.  There went plans to go to work today - after I got all made up and dressed as Marian.  Now it was time to switch back to Mario mode....

- - - - - -

After waiting a while (I needed to breathe a little), I called AAA around 10.  They said the truck would arrive before 11:55.  It arrived around 11 am, just as I was starting to drink my 2nd cup of coffee.  Leaving that cup sitting by my computer, I rushed downstairs to meet the tow truck operator.  His compressor wouldn't work off of my car's socket, so we tried his truck's socket - with success.  But we didn't fill up the bad tire.  We filled up the donut (being safe) and mounted it on the car.  The old tire and rim had 2 potential problems- there was a small nail in the tire, and there was a deformation on the inner rim of the wheel hub. The old tire and wheel hub was put in the trunk, and the car was ready to be driven.

After tipping the man, it was off to Mavis. The fellow at the desk was polite, and he was able to take the tire out of my trunk and tell me that it should be ready in 2 hours.  Either the nail or the deformed hub was likely causing the leak, and he said that if I needed a new tire (highly unlikely) I would get a call.  It was off to the bookstore to kill some time, when I got my call - the tire only needed to be patched (I hope he's right in the long term), and that the repair would only cost me $25.00.  (I was prepared to pay much more!)  But this also confirmed my suspicions - the shop wanted to close early last Thursday, and they didn't want to keep it open for just me.  (If a repair took only an hour and it proved to be minor, why couldn't they have done this before they closed on Thursday night? Closing up shop early was the only answer that came to my mind.)

Something I realized today - I felt more awake not having to go to work, than if I had gone in as planned.  I mentioned this to the woman sitting next to me when I described my job, and her reaction indicated that I should leave the job for my health.  She may be right.  

Thursday, March 3, 2022

Odds and Ends for the month so far


Jack Benny.  There is an old joke about him getting mugged.  The mugger says: "Your money or your life," waits a long time for a response from Jack.  The mugger says "Well?" and Jack says: "I'm thinking!  I'm thinking!"  Well, I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and want to get some off my chest.

- - - - - -

I find it amazing that shortly after I sensed that I had processed much of the grief over losing a relationship with XGFJ, that I started to sense grief welling up from the loss of FCP as a friend.  Yet, this grief was easier to manage, as I didn't have to process other grief at the same time.  There is only so much deep loss a person is equipped to deal with, and I had too much hit me in too short a time.

Things are going well with RQS.  She's far from the type of person I'd seek out.  She's not tall, she doesn't have blond hair, and she lives in an area where car ownership can be a big liability.  So seeing her becomes a scheduling issue - for my car.  Things weren't as bad for me when I dated Ex-GF-M, as her area was less densely populated.

Due to scheduling issues, I've again had to cancel going to some meetups.  Work, Co-Op board issues, and dating have gotten in the way of going to meetups - and I don't mind this too much.

I'm still ambivalent about quitting my job.  I like having new money come into my bank account, as I don't want to drain my savings accounts if I don't have to do so.  Yet, because of issues with my car, I have decided that I must soon start looking for a new car.  I hate doing this now.  But with a car that has 180k miles on the odometer, it's time to do so.  (My issues with the slow leak are the tip of the iceberg in this area.)

Assuming that I quit my job soon, I'm looking at taking a short Bermuda cruise.  Until I make a decision on employment, I won't schedule this cruise.

- - - - - -

As Jack would say: "I'm Thinking...."

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Marry Me!


Last night, I saw a nice piece of fluff on the big screen.  "Marry Me" is a typical Rom-Com with an interesting twist on the Cinderella story - the woman is already a princess, and the man is reluctantly dragged into being a prince.  If you watch it for the story, you'll enjoy the movie.  But, if you watch it for the music, you'll be sorely disappointed.  For me, going into Manhattan to see this film was an exercise in sticker shock - 2 senior tickets cost us a little more than $40.00!  I've gotten spoiled by suburban prices, and I would look to see movies in suburbia the next time I'm out to see a new flick.

- - - - - -

RQS and I have discussed the "elephant in the room" several times: How she will reacct when she sees me as Marian for the first time?  And I think that she's getting a little more comfortable with the idea. But I'm not going to rush her into this.

Getting to RQS's place is not the easiest thing to do.  Often there is a traffic jam on the Jackie Robinson (formerly: Interboro) Parkway.  So I have to bail out and travel on local streets.  Yesterday, there was a snow squall that threatened to reduce visibility to zero on the most troublesome part of my trip - getting into her neighborhood and finding a parking spot.  Luckily, after 1 trip around the block, I found a spot in front of her front door.

Shortly after I arrived, we went into the city to watch the aforementioned movie. Afterwards, we went to several stores looking for the MTA's new OMNY card - without success.  Neither of us are happy with the MTA's old Metrocard payment system, and we would have bought the cards if they were available at the stores indicated by the MTA website.

When I eventually left RQS's place, I found that I needed to fill my tire with air again.  (I can't wait until I can get the car to Mavis and get a resolution to my issue.)  Although I drove 20 miles or so on an underinflated tire, I felt more comfortable looking for an air pump in suburbia than inside NYC limits. In Westchester, it's hard to find an area without several competing gas stations within a 5 minute drive.  In Central Queens, it can take longer, depending on the route one takes.  And I didn't want to risk time hunting for a station in an area I don't know that well anymore.

It's too bad that when I was on Long Island proper, that I wasn't able to take time to say hello to my brother.  Hopefully, I'll be able to do so the next time I'm out there....

Tuesday, March 1, 2022

I am getting tired of all of this.


Who'd have thought 2 years ago that we'd still be feeling the effects of the pandemic on society?  Over the past few months, most of us have been living "normal" lives.  Yet, there have been sporadic shortages which have affected our lives in ways we'd have never expected - such as the lack of computer chips creating a shortage of cars on dealer lots.  Although most people I work with don't fear catching the virus (we're all vaccinated, and the Omicron wave hasn't been as painful as expected), we still cringe if we see people who aren't wearing masks.

In 2020, I felt energized to go to work as Marian.  This year, it's normal - but the work exhausts me.  I still enjoy wearing a dress, and I'm much more comfortable wearing women's trouser like garments than I was in the past.  Yet, I'm likely going to call it an end of a career soon, as I'm simply tired of feeling tired most of the time.  I'll likely be in trousers more often, as I have reasons to spend more time as Mario these days.

Does this mean I'll be giving up my dresses?  Absolutely not!  It means that I again have a life that calls for the presence of Mario.  I have not changed.  My circumstances have changed.  And this will mean that my scheduling of Marian and Mario time will get more complicated, as I will be doing more switching back and forth between the genders, as I did years ago.

So what am I tired of?  It's not of being Marian.  I'm much more comfortable as Marian than I am as Mario.  But that doesn't mean I'm uncomfortable as Mario.  I'm simply tired of all the other energy sucking factors in my life that make it hard to enjoy the place in life I've worked hard to achieve.

I never thought I'd be feeling this way many years ago.  Is this what being old is all about?

Monday, February 28, 2022

Pussycat, Pussycat, where have you been?


Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been?
I've been to London to visit the Queen.
Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there?
I frightened a little mouse under her chair.
- - - - - -
I may not have mentioned this before, at my place of work we will hire almost anyone capable of doing a very boring job.  Many of the positions would be perfect for functioning people on the autistic spectrum.  Today, one of these people made me think of the above nursery rhyme.

Years ago, my IQ was measured, and I scored high on two different tests.  Each put me into the top percentile.  (This explains many of the social problems I've had, as people like me tend to have a common set of issues that often go unaddressed well into adulthood.  But I digress.)  Yet, because of problems I had during my youth, I had to go to school for several years on the "Short Bus", meeting several youngsters on the spectrum along the way.

There is a person at my workplace who does not understand why people in London are eating dinner at the same time people in New York are having lunch. Compare that with me, a person who can explain why the clocks on GPS satellites run slightly faster than those on earth, and you'll find that I have a very hard time code switching to talk with this person.  So I'm polite, and leave the conversations with him to others.
Today, this fellow decided to try to have a conversation with me about the meaningless issue of the recycle bin exchanging places with the regular garbage bin - and I politely shut it down.  I didn't want a 10 minute chat with a person about this topic.  Later on, he made some comments to invite a conversation about a new corporate logo being applied to the break room walls.  Although I will agree with him that this change applies needed color to the room, it is a meaningless topic for me.  Once you get past saying that it looks nice, there is not much to talk about.  Yet, he wanted to say that it is unusual (it usually is on the first day), and have a 10 minute chat about the logo.  So, again, I shut him down politely, saying that it will become the new usual.  And then, I left the lunch area.

We all see different things in life.  To me, I saw a corporate logo writ large, while he focused on the colors.  I'm glad that someone has found a productive use for someone like him.  But I also wish that he wouldn't announce his every move so loud that you could hear it across the room.  Who needs to hear in a break room that he is eating lunch, when that is what people normally do around 12-1 pm?  He loudly announces that he is starting work, going on/off break, going to/from lunch, and going home.  About the only thing he doesn't do is shout that he is going to the loo to take a bio-break.  It's easy to understand why I try not to associate with him.  If someone gets on your nerves, you stay out of his/her way.  Yet, I have to say that he's lucky to never be able to understand how cruel this world can be.....


Sunday, February 27, 2022

I may have dodged a bullet, but what type?


Today's post will be a short one.  And it involves transportation, travel, and a possible travel companion.

- - - - - -

At one time, FH wanted to have us spend a weekend away in Amish Country.  I'm glad we didn't do this, as we never got past first base with each other.  Any trip we would have taken would effectively have me being her chauffeur. And that's not something I want to be after seeing her for her real self.  If things had progressed far enough with FL, I'd have been glad to travel with her, as we get along well with each other, and enjoy each other's company.  Too bad she couldn't deal with Marian being part of my whole.

Recently, I met RQS, and she's already interested in taking a trip to Washington with me.  At least, I wouldn't be serving as her chauffeur - we'd be taking the train and splitting the cost.  She wants to do special things with me.  But is it too soon?  It's similar to the experience I had with FL, but yet, it's different.  So when I found ways of putting off a trip to DC, I felt good for now as if I dodged a bullet.  Yet, she will eventually want to do more things together, while I'm still trying to figure things out.  

My big question is: Am I trying to avoid the wrong kind of projectile?

Was she dead or alive? Inquiring minds wanted to know.

  I hadn't seen Pat in months, and I haven't been able to reach her by voice or text.  Given that she's 84 years old, I figured ...