Saturday, May 28, 2022



What is normal?  For a trans person, it is being about living a normal life for the gender for which one identifies.  This means that after a period of transition, a trans person will live an uneventful life in issues of gender, save for those issues specific those people of that gender.

Once one has transitioned, all of the other issues in a person's life still go on.  The issue of gender dysphoria has been removed, but all other issues remain.  If one is prone to anger, one will still get angry quickly after transition. If one is warm and affectionate, this personality trait will still remain after one shifts to a new gender identity and presentation.  If one has family problems, they will still remain after transition.  In short, transition is not a be all and end all.

Why am I noting this?

For the past 15 months, I've been working at a job as Marian that I've grown to abhor.  It's not the job itself, but what I've let it do to my life.  I no longer have the energy to read in the way I once did.  I no longer have the time to prepare my own "healthy" meals.  And I no longer have the time to keep up with my friends.  This is not a normal I like to live.  Yet, it is the normal that many of us are forced to suffer for much of their lives.

Lately, I have identified a date for which I will be submitting my resignation, so that I have a chance of enjoying a summer spending time with RQS.  I will miss the extra money I get from working my job.  But I will be able to get back to a normal that I enjoyed more than the normal I have now....

Friday, May 27, 2022

By the time I got to try it on, it was sold out.


I was trying to find this dress at Lane Bryant, so that I could try it on and make a decision whether to buy it or not. Although the blue dress is in stock, the dress above is not.  This means that I may end up buying a different dress from Avenue in a similar color, or buy this dress in a different color.

It's just as well that they didn't have this dress in stock.  If it had been, I might have bought it on an impulse.  Over a quarter century since my late wife died, I understand the allure of shopping for new clothes.  It's fun to decorate yourself in new ways - something most men do not understand.  Although I can say no to most impulse purchases, there are a few items that shout "Buy Me!" that are very hard to resist.  And I've been lucky NOT to fall prey to too many of these purchase opportunities.

Given that my closets are overflowing with clothes, I think I got lucky in NOT being able to buy this dress....

- - - - - -

On other matters, the son of someone I know just earned his medical degree.  Congratulations!   Too bad that I will forever be on the outs with his mom.  Yet, when I was coming home from the store tonight, I asked myself - what did I like about this woman?  And the one answer that came up was that I thought that she accepted me as I am.  Yes, I ruined our friendship.  But in her angry attacks over the past 2 1/2 years, I found out what she really thought of me.  We didn't have that much in common.  But I liked her anyway.

- - - - - - 

Going to Lane Bryant, I had an hour long chat with TCL.  Towards the end, I told her of a conversation I had with FH, documented in a prior entry.  TCL agrees with me about FH - and I didn't even tell TCL who I was talking about.  Sadly for FH, she will never understand why I didn't jump at the opportunity to be her "Plus 1" for a wedding she's attending next weekend.  I can't imagine having to get dressed up to go to a party where I know no one but my partner and put my relationship with RQS at risk.

Thinking of RQS, I mentioned our minor problems in Washington, DC.  TCL realized that we passed an early test of whether a relationship is good or not.  We were able to deal with a situation of moderate stress and work together well to resolve a problem.  I still keep my fingers crossed each time we may encounter another situation that could cause us some grief.  Hopefully, we'll keep passing these tests as time goes on....

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Italian Direction / Jewish DIrection?


Tonight, I was joking with RQS about going to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden and Brooklyn Museum from both "Jewish" and "Italian" directions.  As you can see in the picture above, there is a sculpture with the letters "O" and "Y" that reads "YO" and "OY", depending on the place from where you are looking at the sculpture.  This led to a discussion of how hard it is to get to places in the outer NYC boroughs without changing trains in Manhattan.

Both of us want to visit the museum and the garden when the weather is nice.  But we don't want to deal with the headaches of getting there.  So, we'll pass on this trip for the near future, as it will be in the low 90's this coming weekend.

- - - - - -

The two of us are planning on meeting up with each other after my Global Entry interview later in the week.  We wanted to go and meet in Chinatown for Dim Sum, but we'd miss getting the senior/off peak fare on the way back to Croton.  Originally, this was supposed to be the first time she'd see me in Marian Mode.  But we decided to see an off-Broadway play over the weekend, and this meant going back into NYC for the day.  The last thing I want to do is go in the subway, then walk 1/3 mile to the theater when the weather is over 80 degrees.  So we'll take care of that issue the following weekend.

- - - - - -

As you can see, NYC is going to be an important part of our lives, as RQS doesn't drive.  I'll always be the person behind the wheel (unlike my time with Ex-GF-M, where she demanded that she'd do all the driving).  I don't mind this at all - I just wish parking was easier to find where she lives.

On that note, I'll sign off for the evening, and write some more tomorrow....

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

NYC Subway Musicians


One of the things that made my trips underground bearable were the subway musicians who played at major subway stations.  Most of the people I've enjoyed listening to were located either at Grand Central Station or at the Times Square Station.  Sometimes, I'd even find musicians at 34th st/Penn Station and at 14th st/Union Square.  Most of the people who performed with the MTA's "Music Under New York" banner behind them were vetted by the MTA and were often worth spending a few minutes as pert of their audiences.

Why do I bring up the subway?  Well, later on in the week, I will be traveling to Downtown Manhattan to get my Global Entry interview.  Assuming all goes as expected, I will likely have my trusted traveler number that I can use for the next 5 years.  And this will be a trip I'll be taking in Mario Mode. 😒  

Once I get my Trusted Traveler Number, I will be contacting Kim (of Traveling Transgender) for advice on how to travel and "Fly Pretty".  No doubt, she'll have a lot of advice for a person who hasn't been on a plane for a decade.  (And I don't miss being on that plane either!)  Ideally, my first flight will be to Hawaii, with me wearing my breast forms, wig, and other feminine accoutrements.  Hopefully, I'll be able to breeze through security with my big tote in hand and spend the next 12+ hours in peace.

- - - - - -

Recently, RQS took a trip where she had to fly South for a weekend.  She texted me before the plane was about to take off saying:

Family of 5 behind me, 1 baby, 1 pre-school, 1 about 5, not speaking English, baby crying. Mom changed him on board, now he's tantrumming. Ugh! 

I responded:

Laudinum would help.

Laudanum is a tincture of opium containing approximately 10% powdered opium by weight. Laudanum is prepared by dissolving extracts from the opium poppy in alcohol. Reddish-brown and extremely bitter, laudanum contains several opium alkaloids, including morphine and codeine

Help a lot I'd say. :-)

(I should have added: "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the poison go down....")

This is a typical example of my humor.  And RQS enjoys it.  There is something about my morbid sense of humor that she finds attractive.  What it is I don't know.  But I'll take any laughs I can get....



Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Random thoughts on a weekend day

I usually take care of shopping for the week on weekends.  When I'm at RQS's place I usually go to the supermarket on my way home.  This way, I'm able to pick up lunches for several days.  If I haven't done my laundry, Sunday is the day it gets done.  This weekend, I got a little bit done, but didn't have energy for anything else.

Yes, I've written about being tired many times before.  And I will likely do so again.  But I've noticed that when I don't have much at stake, I tend to do nothing - not forcing myself to gt up to do any of the things I need to do.  Is it old age, is it depression, or is it something else?  The root of my lethargy is a big concern to me, as I feel that as I approach traditional retirement age that I need to understand more about my health.

- - - - - -

Years ago, I could ride a bicycle all day, covering 50 miles without much thought other than the time it would take to do so.  Today, I couldn't even pedal a bicycle up the small hill that I live on.  Much of this can be explained by the weight I've put on over the years.  But that's not the only factor.  I never learned how to eat healthy, nor did I develop a taste for "healthy" things to eat.

One of the things I can do to help myself is to get outdoors more often.  Before I took my current job, I had no problem finding time to do this - even in the worst days of the pandemic.  Now, it's much harder for me.  I figure that things will get better once I finally retire for good, as I will both have no excuses not to get out and I will have the time (and energy) to do so when my body is ready to do so.

- - - - - -

In chatting with my brother for a few minutes, he mentioned that an operation he just had is healing nicely.  Hopefully, he'll still be glad that he took care of this when he has to go to work.  In many ways, he's in the same position I'm in - he can't ask a family member for help.  In his case, he'd prefer to ask a friend for help.  In my case, I'd need to ask a friend for help.  This will become more of a problem as we get older, as there will be fewer people around that we can ask for help when we need it.

- - - - - -

I could go on and on about little things.  But I'm not in the mood for regurgitating little things.  So, I'll end this entry here....

Monday, May 23, 2022

A pleasant addiction.


I am a YouTube addict.  But I am not one who goes for simple entertainment most of the time.  Instead, I look for videos that cover new facts, new ideas, and new experiences.  For example, many of the videos I've been viewing lately have been the topic of travel - specifically, travel on land and on water.  Air travel may be interesting, but there are fewer things that hold my interest involving that mode of transit.

RQS has introduced me to one of the videos she likes to view: Simon's Cat.  The creator of this video series has nailed the actions of a cat, and has brought out the humor of having a cat around the house.  (Did I mention that RQS owns two cats of her own?)   When I need a chuckle, I sometimes look for the latest episode of this cat.

FCP used to watch videos from Dr. Pimple Popper, Sandra Lee.  Sometimes, I've watched these videos out of some primitive brain area curiosity.  I find it amazing how bad these growths have become before they go to this famous dermatologist for help.  Thankfully, I have never needed her services.

It's hard to believe that this business has evolved from a money losing home for meaningless videos to a money making home for user provided content of varying value.  If you want to find out how to adjust the "hidden" settings on a CPAP machine, you'll find it there.  If you want to find out how to replace the control unit for an air conditioner, you'll find it there.  And I'll bet that you'll find videos of almost every surgical procedure if you look hard enough.  (That might be a stretch, but one never knows....)

The most interesting thing about YouTube is how democratic it tends to be.  Almost anybody can put up a video, and it will get promoted if the creator's videos: (1) Get a lot of hits on the video, (2) The viewers of the video watch it for a long time, and that the viewers tend to watch the ads that go along with the video.  Once you reach a certain number of viewers and you have monetized the video channel, you can get a cut of their ad revenue.  It's amazing how much money one can earn by having a popular video on a popular channel.

Given my interests in trains and cruising, I'm tempted to create a channel called "One if by land, Two if by sea."  But it will likely be a dud....

Sunday, May 22, 2022

Time in my life


Tonight, RQS and I were discussing how tired I get after a full day of work.  My exhaustion makes it impossible for me to take care of things during the week.  If it needs energy, I am not able to respond the way I used to after a full day of work as a computer technologist.  I only get one day during the week to get things done, with almost nothing done during the week.  AARGH!   I can't wait to retire for good, and that will take place soon.  I have a date set, but won't announce it until I have handed in my paperwork.

There is a part of me that keeps looking for new dresses to wear.  I was very surprised to see this dress on Avenue's site, as it is all cotton, and not polyester as their usual wont.  Will I buy this dress?  Possibly, but I have several similar dresses in my wardrobe that would make this a superfluous purchase.  Do I want to waste money?  Probably not.  Only time will tell.

An early dinner with a friend

  Last night, I mentioned to Pat that I wish I could have been born a cisgender female who looked like this when younger.  If I were younger...