Thursday, May 20, 2021

Dating is such a pain in the ass


My ex broke up with me shortly before the pandemic struck, and it was all downhill for a while.  When I received a hurtful email on my birthday, I knew that I could either continue to make things worse for myself and others, or to figure out a way to start healing.  In many ways, the less I say about the ex, the better.  So I will focus on the healing process.

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A long time ago, I dated TCL.  And we decided to be "just friends" shortly afterwards.  Why did I not pursue a relationship with her?  She's the type of person who will meander from topic to topic, getting lost in the process.  In a way, it's like a programmer tracing code through a series of "nested IF statements" and getting lost in the depths of the statements.  TCL has to be interrupted in order for you to get a word in, and I don't think she realizes she does this.  If I don't get the chance to speak once in a while, I get bored.  Who wants to be bored by a person one might want to live with someday?  She was typical of many of the women I dated before meeting my ex girlfriend - all had one obvious trait that would get under my skin.

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My personal ad was out before the pandemic struck, but I met FH shortly after people were told they could meet outdoors while wearing masks.  No one really know how the virus spread in those days, and I can still remember driving FH home from the heart of Forest Hills.  She wasn't perfect, but she was better than having no one to keep busy with on weekends. However, this doesn't say much about FH.  She's an educated woman who was always commenting on her crazy family.  As the old saying goes, "it takes one to know one."  I'll always wonder if she asked herself whether she was as crazy as her siblings.  From what I can tell from her brother, he is a product of his environment and of his news bubble.  FH lives within NYC limits, and her brother in the suburbs. She's a Democrat, and he's a Republican.  Both siblings often see each other through a political lens.  Needless to say, I've heard her make incendiary statements about all Republicans.  Although they may be true of many in the GOP, it would be unfair to paint them all using the same brush.  Sadly, she's a person who doesn't know how to let things drop - and one has to do this in order to have a successful relationship.

During this time, I met FL, and we had a few dates before she backed away.  Of course, she was spooked by me as Marian, and broke up with me before we things got too serious.  FL and I are still friends, and we get along well.  Unfortunately, she now lives too far away for me to visit on a regular basis. 

But there were other women. GS lives in the Hudson Valley, and we had a handful of dates before the weather got cold.  There was no real chemistry between us, but my female presentation wasn't an issue for her.  Instead, I think that her financial situation was precarious due to the pandemic, and she had bigger problems to worry about than dating.

I won't go through the whole list here, but I've gotten to hate having to learn a bit about a person, only to forget it later on.  I want to spend my time building memories with someone who cares for me.  Maybe that's why I said I wasted 5 years dating one woman - I have only so much time left to build memories, and I hate wasting time before I find that person I can build memories with.

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Lucky, the pandemic seems to be easing off, and things are slowly returning to "normal".  Hopefully, some nice women will "swipe right" on my profile, and that one of them is a good match for me, and me for her....

Tuesday, May 18, 2021

I found out that someone reads my blog on occasion


Ever have someone pop back into your life, pull their typical nasty shit then pop out again? Boy, it seriously makes me want to play wack-a-mole. 

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But seriously....

Recently, in response to one of my posts, a former friend wrote a nasty comment which I will not display here.  Any mention of her that I have made in this blog does not mention her name, show her picture (with a discernible face), or say anything about her personal life.  I will freely admit that I talked a little too much in the past about things that shouldn't have been mentioned. So, do I erase her existence from my past?  To answer my own question, I will not erase the fact that she existed, but I will reference the past if only to note my mistakes in life - especially regarding her.  And if she doesn't like it, she can send an email directly to me to tell me what objections she has. If her complaint is reasonable to me, I will perform some edits to the blog. Although we will never be friends again, I will do this as a courtesy, and nothing more than that.

In regard to another person, I felt that any mention of a dispute that we had was fair game, as long as I stated things from my point of view.  At least, with this person in this blog, there is no mention of her name, no showing of her picture, no identification of her business.  But I was asked not to talk about our conversation in this forum, and I complied for reasons I will not discuss here..  (This may be the only time I reference the discussion here - for obvious reasons.) 

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Today, I went to the office knowing that I'd be directly hired by the firm to do the job I'm already doing through an agency.  I would now become a direct employee, eligible for benefits.   But to do this, I'd have to show my male ID in a place where I've always presented as female.  So, I went into the office with an almost unnoticeable nervousness (if you could even call it that) regarding the unknown.  But I needn't have had any concerns - I was treated professionally by the lady in HR.  

As I get older, the more I find that people in the Northeast will generally treat a transgender person with respect, as long as that person exudes a sense of self confidence.  Yes, your mileage will vary, as old commercials used to say. But a smile at the right person, a kindly word at the right time, and a helpful gesture can go a long way towards being accepted.

A while back, I met another trans person at the LGBT center in White Plains.  This person came up to me and said I was an inspiration that helped this person with the first stages of transition.  (I avoid citing gender here, as I don't remember which direction of transition this person was on.)   At least, I can say that I made a positive contribution to one person's life.

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But I still wonder. Is there anyone else that I inspire?


Monday, May 17, 2021

It was an unusual weekend to say the least

This weekend started off in a memorable way.  First, my boss called me into his office and told me that the firm is bringing me onto the "staff payroll" instead of being paid through an agency.  This means that once again, I have to fill in paperwork to get my job.  This time, HR (and some others) may be a little surprised when they see paperwork in Mario's name instead of Marian's name.  Luckily, I've always used an informal version of my name that's androgynous and can be used by either sex.  

But Friday was much more than being given the job that I thought I'd be given the following week.  I finally was able to talk to the contractors who have been fixing up the apartment below me for sale.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see the bathroom once they are done, and get an estimate (time and money) of what it will take to do the same thing in my place.  Then, I drove to see FH for dinner.  

FH was in rare form on Friday.  Going to a busy area to eat at a chain restaurant will likely end up resulting in a long wait when NYC is still under pandemic restrictions.  She wanted to eat at the Cheesecake Factory in Rego Park, Queens.  So I drove to the shopping center, got the parking ticket, and proceeded to the restaurant where we were told it would be a 2 hour wait for a seat. Next, we walked across the street to the Olive Garden where we were told it would be a 1 hour wait for a seat. And then, we walked to the Longhorn Steakhouse where we were told it would be a 2 hour wait for a seat. Guess where we ate - the Olive Garden.  

There is a good reason why people choose to eat somewhere other than the Olive Garden.  Most of the food is excessively salty and excessively starchy.  (What do you expect from a pseudo Italian restaurant chain?)  After 45 minutes waiting on a chilly park bench, we walked to the restaurant and had a mediocre meal.  And that's where the fun begins.  When trying to use the parking lot payment machine, the machine refused to accept my credit card.  I had no way of knowing that this lot accepts payments at the exit gate.  So I started getting frustrated, and asked FH to be quiet for a moment so that I can deal with my frustration.  She kept talking, only making it worse.  Eventually, I got mad at her and told her to shut up.  She got mad as well, and we escalated things to the point where I said that I wouldn't bother calling her again. Eventually, the parking lot attendant told us that he had to reset the machine and that we should pay at the exit gate.

At this point, all I wanted to do was get out of the parking lot and drop FH off at her place.  She started up her argument again, saying that I was wrong and that she would speak whenever she wanted to - even when the person next to her needs a little bit of quiet for a minute.  She even brought up Marian, and I told her that this part of me is not up for discussion as it is not germane to the argument.  So I was glad to get her out of my car quickly, and then call a friend.  Thankfully, Vicki was available.  She noted that it is easy to understand why someone who has as little empathy as FH has never been married.  And then she said that this makes it much easier for me to start dating people who have a better chance of meeting my needs for a mate.

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Saturday came, and I just didn't want to get out of bed.  I knew that today had to be laundry day if I wanted to go on my date with APJ (as I'll call her for now - it could change).  So I decided to get up and finally start my day around 10:30.  But that didn't mean that I'd start any chores then - that was around 1:00 pm when I brought my laundry downstairs.

Once I was done with my laundry, I got ready to go meet APJ in Hackensack.  I did a quick shower and shave, and got dressed for the second day in a row as Mario.  Then it was off to Jersey.  Both of us fought the usual Saturday traffic to get to the diner, and we chatted for almost 2 1/2 hours.  So far, so good.  But I will have to tell her about Marian before we get intimate.  And I only can imagine what she will think when I do so.

Since I know that I'll need lunch for Monday and Tuesday, I stopped by Shop Rite on the way home.  While there, I looked for a cheap succulent plant to leave a friend as a gift.  I couldn't find one in my price range.  So, I decided on buying a "lucky" bamboo plant, and will leave it on the friend's doorstep on my way upstate tomorrow.

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In many ways, I wish I could have been one of the women who wore uniforms like the one above.  Sadly, the market for women's baseball died when the men came back from WW2, but a good movie came from it.  (By the way, what do the movies "A League of Their Own" and "The Green Mile" have in common?  Answer below....)

I knew that I was going to have less time in Cooperstown than I wanted, as I woke up later than planned. But I figured that I had enough time to drop off yesterday's gift, and then go to Cooperstown for a 3+ hour visit to the Hall of Fame.  So I got in my car and wasted time at the local Mickey D's before getting on the thruway.  Usually, it takes me about 45-60 minutes to reach the thruway, and based on the time I budget to reach Catskill, it would be another 2 hours to reach Cooperstown by back roads from there.  During the daytime, this is a beautiful drive.  Yet, I wouldn't recommend doing it at night, as these are rural roads with little traffic and no cell phone service.  Eventually, I made it to Cooperstown, and found free parking without trouble, then had no problems buying my ticket for the museum.  (Later on, I was told by a local NOT to visit Cooperstown from Memorial Day to Columbus Day, as the crowds ruin the place - something I experienced when I visited with my (now) ex girlfriend a couple of years ago.)  It would be easy to go on and on about the exhibits at the museum.  But for baseball fans, it's a shrine worth visiting at least once.

Around 4:30, it was time to go home.  And I didn't want to take those back roads at night and in the rain. So I drove North to Route 20, then made the mistake of taking more side roads to reach the thruway.  This must have added at least 30-45 minutes to my return trip home.  Once on the thruway, it was a lead footed drive home.  With one stop at the local supermarket for tomorrow's lunch, I was home in 4 hours.  Not bad, considering everything.



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Answer to above question:

Both movies have a scene where Tom Hanks' character urinates off screen.  In "A League of Their Own", the duration of his urination is mentioned.  In "Green Mile", the character has a UTI that ends up being cured by the wrongly convicted man on death row.

RQS went home, and I got keys made - a quick post

  One of the problems with going about as a female is that almost everything one carries around during a typical day is carried in a handbag...