Saturday, March 19, 2022

Today, I got half of the things on my checklist done.


Today's post is a quick one.

Lately, I've been chatting a lot with RQS, and she's enjoying my mouth run as if it is Niagara Falls.  This is a good sign, as she knows about my life as Marian and is intrigued about it.  So I tend to budget time for these phone calls towards the end of the evening, so that I can get other things done....

Tonight, I had to rush home to make it to a Zoom Webinar to train us in the specifics of Fair Housing Laws that co-op boards must obey in Westchester county.  As expected, they covered the limitations put up on co-op boards to insure that every possible tenant has a fair opportunity to rent/sublet/buy an apartment in Westchester.  Unfortunately, they provide too much protection for the tenant, and not enough for the property owner.  And that is a major annoyance to most of the co-op boards in this state.

When the meeting ended, I got on the line with RQS, and chatted for the better part of 2 hours.  This reminds me of the early days of dating my late wife.  It's not love yet.  And it's not at the state where I think about her every day.  But it's a good start.

But why did I mention my checklist?

Most of the time, I have a 20 item checklist, and only do about 1/3 of those items. Today, I broke the 50% level, and had enough time to start filling out an application for employment with New York State. Assuming that I get the job, I expect that I'll be in the workforce for another 2 years or so.  But I will need time to take a Hawaii cruise at year end - and I won't cancel that to work for the state.

I plan to add this application to tomorrow's checklist, as I don't plan on finishing the application tonight. Many things stay on the checklist in one form or another, as I neither complete them, nor get movement towards completing them.  Yet, there's one task that I must give a higher priority - cleaning the apartment.  Not only do I need my cleaning lady back doing her magic, but I want this place clean enough to have people over again. 

Keep your fingers crossed for me....

Friday, March 18, 2022

Another weekend down....



If it weren't for the previously scheduled lunch with CWS, the need to do a week's worth of laundry, and the need to get a few lunches to eat at work, I wouldn't have left my apartment for any reason this weekend until I had to leave for work on Monday.  

- - - - - -

Given that musicians are touring again, I noticed that The Zombies were performing at 3 venues in the NYC region.  One date is good for both RQS and I, but the venue isn't that great.  (There is no assigned seating, and sometimes everyone has to stand for a performance - something my 64 y/o legs will not permit.)  Another is on a day before an activity for which I need to be in NYC early in the morning. And the last date may be the only date I could make - but this requires other things to have been taken care of.  One way or another, I hope to see them perform, as this may be the last time they tour the USA.

Things like dates, concerts, and game nights get me out of the house these days.  But not much else seems to motivate me.  It's nice that I've gone beyond thrill of being out as Marian in a public setting.  Instead, I just feel more comfortable in my own skin when I'm out as Marian.  And I'm looking to settle down with someone who can accept me both as Mario and as Marian.  Yet, I've disabled my OK Cupid profile.  If things don't work out with either CWS or RQS, I will need to take a break from dating as I am becoming jaded.

It's nice to have activity partners.  But it's even nicer to have found someone with whom one has a deep emotional connection.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll be lucky this time with both types of person.

Thursday, March 17, 2022

What a fine mess!


As I write this, my bedroom is in a state of total chaos.  I've been going through several boxes in which I've dumped stuff over the past two years, and have been tossing things into a garbage bag.  However, this leaves me with a mess that I still must sort through before I can get the place back in order, have my cleaning lady return, and have people over to my apartment.  (Note: I made this mess on top of a linen chest, and hope to have it cleaned off tonight.)

The first year of the pandemic was a horrible one.  Yet, I was able to go to work as Marian for the first time.  The second year was better, as I was able to get out and about, meeting people along the way.  Through dating, I was able to meet a couple of nice people with whom I am still friends.  But depression got the better part of me, as exhibited by my apartment, and it's been taking me a long time to get any traction on cleaning things up.

A quarter of a century ago, one girlfriend helped me clean up the mess that accumulated while my wife was ill.  I can't ask anyone for help with this mess today - and I wouldn't do so if I could.  This is going to be a big project, and one that will take me a long time to finish. I've been trying to do a little bit of cleaning every day.  But, given this image of my mess, you can see that it can be overwhelming.  So I'm trying to take my project management experience and use it at home - break up the work into little pieces, schedule it, and then perform the tasks.

I just wonder - How many more people were like me, and let their residences go to hell during the pandemic....?

Wednesday, March 16, 2022



It's been a long while since I've gotten a mani-pedi.  And if things go the way I want this weekend, I will finally be able to do so.  All too often, I've had to deal with the headache of switching back to Mario Mode, and this prevented me from getting my nails done.

- - - - - -

The other day, I was talking with my new travel partner, and we got to talking about people we will meet on our next trip. My new partner wants to catch up with a cousin, while I want to catch up with a friend from Fantasia Fair.  When I contacted this friend, she said that she will appear in "Mermaid Mode".  I have no objections to that, as it will give my partner an idea of what has to be dealt with when being with me.  It's going to be interesting, to say the least.

Last week, FH suggested that we get together this weekend.  I never confirmed anything with her, and the way I feel, I'll be too tired to do much of anything.  After I came home from Game night, it took me an hour to fall asleep, and then I woke up twice - resulting in an interrupted sleep.  I woke up 30 minutes late, then rushed to do all my morning routines so that I could make it to work "on time".  Luckily, I was only a few minutes late, and I was able to stay awake enough to do my job.

Right now, I have weekend plans that haven't been confirmed.  Will I see FH?  I'm not sure.  Will I see CWS?  I hope so.  I'd like to see her now and then until I know what's going to happen with RQS.  Given my transgender nature, it pays to have a (non roached) backup....

Tuesday, March 15, 2022

It's nice to know that some governments are giving citizens a tax break


Tax free if you want it - just go out and get one!



Being serious, you will likely read this entry 2 weeks after I wrote it.  A lot of things could happen in those 2 weeks.  Yet, as I write this, Russia has not been able to conquer Ukraine as quickly as once thought.  And that's a good thing.  Given Russia's attitudes towards the LGBT population, we don't need the Russians to expand their territory to satisfy Putin's ego.

When I read the headline on a Newsweek article I read on the phone this morning, I had to laugh - what government in the middle of a war would have the time to consider the tax implications of enemy military equipment captured in battle?  But to be serious, I am concerned about what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen in Ukraine.  

A coworker of someone I know has family in Ukraine.  Her mother is safe with her brother in upstate New York.  But her father is near the Polish border. He's in the middle of the area from which refugees are fleeing into Poland.  Hopefully, he will survive the next few weeks.  Another person I know (she used to go to our game nights) also comes from Ukraine.  I should check on her to see if her family is OK.  I'll bet that most of us know at least one person who has family in the conflict area.  Hopefully, their family members will all be safe....




Monday, March 14, 2022

I'm planning a trip


The other day, I decided NOT to take a 5 day cruise to Bermuda.  If all goes right and I have some spare cash, I may still book a cruise to New England & Canada later this year.  It'll be nice to have been able to take 3 cruises in less than a year.  But right now, It'll be even nicer to visit DC again.

If I remember my trips, the last time I traveled to DC, I was in Marian Mode when my car started to warn me that it wanted to break down.  I was lucky to make it to the hotel with my car still running, and even more lucky that I could change back to Mario before AAA came to check out my car and replace my battery.  This was not my favorite trip, as the weather was bad every day I was there that weekend.

Sometime in the near future, I will make another trip to DC.  This time, it will be in Mario Mode, as I'll have a friend with me that knows me only as Mario.  (This is not the time to spring Marian on my friend.) When we get there, my first place to visit will be the above building.  No, it's not because there is a lot of interesting things there.  Instead, it will be to pay my respects to a man who died more than a century before I was born, and who never set foot in America while he was alive.

After I visit this building, almost everything is open on my schedule.  I plan to reach out to someone I met at Fantasia Fair a while back, and see her and her wife while in Mario mode.  (I've seen her in Boy mode, so it shouldn't be a shock.)  As for my friend, we may go to a cousin's house for dinner.  Who knows?  But I think we will quickly book up an evening or two if everything goes right.  (Maybe I can try to squeeze in a 3rd night of dinner out with Meg and her wife?  That might be too much to ask..  But I will send a message....)

This will be the first time since childhood that I'll be in DC in male presentation.  Strange!!!!

Sunday, March 13, 2022

Dating issues


I can still remember the days when I was getting to know my late wife.  These were the fun days in our relationship, where the future was wide open for the two of us.  After she died, forming relationships became much more complicated, especially with my transgender nature now being a factor.  And still, I would love to be like the girl in the picture above, save another woman sitting across from me. My most recent ex-girlfriend didn't understand this.  Although I am comfortable in both gender presentations, my generation looks at people like me with a strange gaze.  People like me confuse many people, and often make them feel uncomfortable.

Recently, I have had "the conversation" with a woman I've dated (I would now do this before any relationship started to become serious), and she hasn't run away from me yet.  Can I say that she is truly comfortable with me in Marian Mode?  No.  She has yet to see me in person as Marian.  And I wouldn't bet on anything until she does.

As much as I am not sleeping around, I figure that I have to move forward with my life.  A couple of weeks ago, FCP sent me a message with a picture of her grandson.  Even though she still made a big deal about my stupid actions of the past, she brought up the ex-girlfriend.  Along with another comment made at the ex-girlfriend's son's wedding, I got to wondering - does she want me to restore a broken relationship with my ex, so that FCP can forgive vicariously?  Who knows?  But I feel I can reasonably assume that what passed between me and my ex in 2020 makes it almost impossible for us to be intimate again - in any meaning.  (Maybe, the next time FCP reads this blog, she can send me a private message?  Nah, this would mean that she wants to figure out how to build a bridge to replace one which was burnt to cinders....)  

Right now, RQS and CWS are at the top of my list.  And I've deactivated my OK Cupid account, so that I can focus my efforts on women with whom I have a good shot of sharing a good future.  RQS is in the lead, and we're enjoying each other's company.  As I said, I will not "Roach" these women.  So I'll have to be very careful to stay friends with one until I'm absolutely sure that I'm in a solid relationship.

An early dinner with a friend

  Last night, I mentioned to Pat that I wish I could have been born a cisgender female who looked like this when younger.  If I were younger...