The older I get, the more I know when to get worried or not.

 

There is one big advantage to being young: The invincibility that one often feels propels us to take chances in life that older and wiser people might not take.  For example, when young, we often choose our mates on superficial characteristics.  For example: Is s/he good looking?  This question may have evolved as a way to determine the health characteristics of a person during the age that they are most fertile.  It also can reflect how high a status level a mate might have (especially in males), as both attractiveness and height can reflect both physical health and social position. 

But what questions should we ask as we get older?  What advantages do we have because we have successfully made it to old age?  This is where I feel that I have gotten better as I've gotten older.  Yes, my body is slowly breaking down as a normal part of aging.  But the memories and skills I've developed over those years have given me the insights to ask better questions when choosing a mate.

Lately, I've been thinking about how many big mistakes I've made in my life.  Some of these mistakes occurred because I didn't have enough knowledge to make wise decisions.  Others were made because I didn't have the skills to implement those wise decisions.  When I was young, I had low expectations - if the woman I dated accepted me and we didn't kill each other, then she was acceptable.  Can I say that I'd have married my late wife had I known what would happen in the future?  Maybe not.  But would she have chosen me had she known what would occur in our marriage?  Again, maybe not.  I could say similar things about other women I've dated.  But with RQS, both of us knew what we were getting early on in our relationship, and we have similar values with complimentary communication styles.  This makes having a healthy relationship possible, and we have yet to shout "Tastes Great!" or "Less Filling!" at each other..

Many men look for "a nurse and a purse" when they look for a woman in their senior years.  Women also look for the same, with emphasis on the purse due to inequality of wealth between the genders.  Neither of us wanted that.  We simply wanted companionship, with a little romance on the side.  RQS knew I was transgender from our second date, and I knew about her issues the day I met her.  We feel good when we're together, and I'm glad that she brings up issues for me to handle before they have the chance to fester and cause us problems.

I'm hoping that we'll be able to take advantage of the benefits of being old before the drawbacks cripple us and make it impossible for us to enjoy the rest of our lives.  After my mom died, my dad became less active over the years, and eventually not able to live on his own.  Neither RQS nor I want to have old age take away our abilities to live life without being in a care home.  The care home may be in our futures.  But until then, we will try to live as best we can.  (Albeit with me in dresses most of the time.)

- - - - - -

But what do I worry about?

Lately, I find myself worrying about the possibility that the United States will become a fundamentalist "Christian" autocracy led by a bombastic narcissistic grifter.  It's bad enough that this person is a cult leader.  Unfortunately, we have seen the mess he made of this country in his 4 years in power.  Now, he has had 4 years to learn how to cement his control over the country, I'm afraid of what he will do to anyone who is not a white, straight, christian, cisgender male.  As it stands GOP loyalists have turned the clock back to 1973.  I'm afraid that it will turn the clock back to 1925.  

If we examine the events that occurred to end the "Roaring Twenties", American society changed from being an optimistic, outward looking people to a pessimistic, inward looking people within a few years.  What will happen if the GOP gets full control of the country again?  Will they screw things up as they did in the 1920's?  Will America become more like Nazi Germany than the USA under the New Deal?  Who knows?  But this is what I worry about at night....

 

Lunch with a friend from the Census

 

Not getting enough sleep has become a habit with me, and my body keeps waking me up with the sun, only to have me hit the virtual snooze bar to rest another hour or so.  But today was different.  As much as I didn't want to get up today, I ended up doing so as I had a lunch date scheduled with a friend I met while working at the census bureau and I didn't want to disappoint her.

- - - - - -

My friend, CCS, is a member of Mensa, and her world intersected with mine in more than one way. When we met at the Mexican restaurant down the hill, she sent greetings from some I dated a long time ago.  (There wasn't much chemistry between me and the woman I dated.  She lived on Manhattan's West Side and I lived where I live now.  Dating her would be a headache that neither of us needed, as I was starting to come out as trans at the time. I just wonder how my name came up at CCS's out of town conference.) And then, we got down to ordering lunch....

Over lunch, we chatted about many things: my travel plans, her insurance issues, politics, and life in general.  She's the type of friend who accepts me for who and what I am.  And I am grateful to have this friendship.  CCS and Vicki will be the people I'm most likely to call when I finally get around to scheduling another colonoscopy, as these are the two friends who have volunteered to drive me on the day of my procedure.

All too soon, we had to part.  My next stop was to fill my car up at the local gas station.  I was glad that I was wearing a short, comfortable dress, as the weather was hot.  Given how hot it was today, I made the decision to be in Marian more tomorrow when I pick RQS up at the station.

Another friend bites the dust - a quick post

 

Years ago, I dated the woman above.  It turned into a simple friendship, as we were in different stages of life.  Mary was about to retire, and I was trying to stave off a forced retirement for a few years.  Sadly, thanks to Facebook and its habit of reminding people of posts they made years ago, I found out that my friend had died a couple of years ago.

Mary once wanted to become a nun.  However, that was not her calling.  Yet, she ended up serving people in her own way, running a restaurant, running an Airbnb, and even managing hospitality for a service organization's guest house overlooking the Hudson river.  When I last was in contact with her, she had moved back to the San Francisco Bay area, and had just found subsidized housing that she could afford.

I always wanted to visit Mary the next time I returned to the SF Bay area, but we had lost contact and I had other things on my mind for the past few years.  When I was in SF on my recent cruise, I had forgotten all about her.  So I was very surprised to find out that she passed away in 2021.  Could it have been Covid-19?  Who knows?  I remember that she had a blood disorder that she knew could kill her one day.  Could this have happened?  I doubt that I will ever find out, as I was never in her close circle of friends.

By my calculations, Mary was 77 years old when she passed away.  She lived a good life, and she was one of those rare people that no one would have a bad word to say about her.  I consider myself lucky to have known Mary for a short period in life, and I will miss having the chance to see her again....

Going for a long drive to meet a friend

 

I wouldn't drive the above car more than a couple of miles, and then at a very low speed.  That is the opposite of the driving I often need to do, as most of the people I know are at least an hour away from me. Today's drive was to meet a friend who lives over two hours away from me, at a mid point agreeable to both of us.

- - - - - -

RO and I have known each other for a while.  We first met on a date, but things didn't work out between us.  A few years later, we stumbled into each other again and became friends.  Since then, we get together now and then, and today was one of those meetings.  Although she knows me as Mario, she sees me more often as Marian, and that's the way I prefer to be when seeing her.

The restaurant that we used to go to is halfway between our houses.  Today, we decided to meet for lunch at Fuddrucker's, a hamburger joint whose chain has seen its better days.  My late wife and I always enjoyed going to the Fuddruckers in Yonkers.  Sadly, virtually all of the outlets near me closed many years ago, leaving a small number too many miles away for a casual lunch on my own.  But today was different.  Fudd's has an outlet in Parsippany, NJ, and that's where we met.

When I first encountered Fuddrucker's as a chain, their outlets focused on the display of the meat that would be served to the customer.  The place was wide open and well lit. You could see all of the spaces open to the customer upon entry, including condiments, fixings (onions, tomatoes, lettuce, etc.), and.beverage stations.  This outlet felt different.  It felt cramped, and the main seating area was separated from the entry area by a wall.  But the burgers were as good as I remembered.

RO talked about her most recent trip with her hubby, and having booked a new trip to the same area for next month.  I talked about my trips (past and upcoming), as well as my relationship with RQS.  By the time lunch was over, RO asked if I would introduce her to RQS, and I said "sure".

All too soon, we had to return home - and parted until next time.

. 

Someone in one of my meetup groups passed away - a quick post.

 

 
The other day, someone from one of my meetup groups passed away.  The only reason I know this is a weekend meetup being held to celebrate this man's life.

- - - - - -

I always felt it strange that this fellow wanted his picture taken with me when we attended the same FTF meetup.  Was he interested in dating me?  Who knows?  If I were interested in dating men, he might have been on my radar, as I'm told that he was a sweet person.  Luckily, I met RQS at the beginning of last year, and I didn't have to tell him that I wasn't available to date, nor did I have to reveal to him that I am trans.

Although I would have liked to be able to find out how he died and to attend his memorial, I have a higher priority in my life - RQS.  Assuming that I'm able to attend a mid-week meetup with this group, I will ask the leader about how he died, and whether it was expected.  Until then, I will accept that there are some things I am not meant to know right now - and leave it at that.

Now my telephone chats are getting in the way of posting here

 

Now that I have a life, I have lost some of the time I usually spend blogging.  As a result, I feel that the length of my entries has gotten shorter, but reflect more of what's gone on in my life.

Since it looks like RQS is going to be a long term girlfriend, I'd like to find a way to keep CWS as simply a female friend. The way we have gotten along so far, this might be possible, as so much of her life has been dedicated to the care of people not related to her.  If it isn't possible, it made sense for me to delay making a decision between these women as long as possible.

The last time I had a regular nightly call with a woman other than TCL (who is a platonic friend), it was with MWL.  I'm hoping things work out between me and RQS, as I'd hate to go through their early stage of dating again.  But only time will tell - and her reaction to seeing me in person as Marian for the first time. 

- - - - - -

If I had more time, I would have been writing about how a problem I see between two people reflects at a micro level a problem I see between nations.  Hopefully, I will get the chance to write that post over the weekend.

Dating issues

 

I can still remember the days when I was getting to know my late wife.  These were the fun days in our relationship, where the future was wide open for the two of us.  After she died, forming relationships became much more complicated, especially with my transgender nature now being a factor.  And still, I would love to be like the girl in the picture above, save another woman sitting across from me. My most recent ex-girlfriend didn't understand this.  Although I am comfortable in both gender presentations, my generation looks at people like me with a strange gaze.  People like me confuse many people, and often make them feel uncomfortable.

Recently, I have had "the conversation" with a woman I've dated (I would now do this before any relationship started to become serious), and she hasn't run away from me yet.  Can I say that she is truly comfortable with me in Marian Mode?  No.  She has yet to see me in person as Marian.  And I wouldn't bet on anything until she does.

As much as I am not sleeping around, I figure that I have to move forward with my life.  A couple of weeks ago, FCP sent me a message with a picture of her grandson.  Even though she still made a big deal about my stupid actions of the past, she brought up the ex-girlfriend.  Along with another comment made at the ex-girlfriend's son's wedding, I got to wondering - does she want me to restore a broken relationship with my ex, so that FCP can forgive vicariously?  Who knows?  But I feel I can reasonably assume that what passed between me and my ex in 2020 makes it almost impossible for us to be intimate again - in any meaning.  (Maybe, the next time FCP reads this blog, she can send me a private message?  Nah, this would mean that she wants to figure out how to build a bridge to replace one which was burnt to cinders....)  

Right now, RQS and CWS are at the top of my list.  And I've deactivated my OK Cupid account, so that I can focus my efforts on women with whom I have a good shot of sharing a good future.  RQS is in the lead, and we're enjoying each other's company.  As I said, I will not "Roach" these women.  So I'll have to be very careful to stay friends with one until I'm absolutely sure that I'm in a solid relationship.

I may have dodged a bullet, but what type?

 

Today's post will be a short one.  And it involves transportation, travel, and a possible travel companion.

- - - - - -

At one time, FH wanted to have us spend a weekend away in Amish Country.  I'm glad we didn't do this, as we never got past first base with each other.  Any trip we would have taken would effectively have me being her chauffeur. And that's not something I want to be after seeing her for her real self.  If things had progressed far enough with FL, I'd have been glad to travel with her, as we get along well with each other, and enjoy each other's company.  Too bad she couldn't deal with Marian being part of my whole.

Recently, I met RQS, and she's already interested in taking a trip to Washington with me.  At least, I wouldn't be serving as her chauffeur - we'd be taking the train and splitting the cost.  She wants to do special things with me.  But is it too soon?  It's similar to the experience I had with FL, but yet, it's different.  So when I found ways of putting off a trip to DC, I felt good for now as if I dodged a bullet.  Yet, she will eventually want to do more things together, while I'm still trying to figure things out.  

My big question is: Am I trying to avoid the wrong kind of projectile?

A first date

  

Tonight, I went on a first date with a woman I'll call RQS.  I met her on OK Cupid, and we've hit it off quicker than I have with CWS.  Luckily, I have done nothing that could be considered "Roaching".  I have not been physically intimate with anyone for over 2 years now.  And this has helped me determine that MWL and I could only be friends for the long term.  By taking things slowly, we got past the initial chemical attraction phase, and into the phase where two people really start getting to know each other.  And that's allowed me the time to come to a decision.  The same will likely apply to CWS and RQS.

Before the date, I had to look up train schedules for me to get to the museum.  And I had to change into Mario mode before going into the city.  (How I hated having to do this.)  By the time I made it out the door, I was running late for the train out of Croton, so I decided to drive to Pelham.  And if it weren't for my desire to have a snack before going to the museum, I'd have made that train.  Instead, the train had pulled to the platform just before I could get a ticket.  So I ended up waiting 30 minutes before the next train.  Eventually, I got to the museum, and RQS shortly after that.

In the above picture, RQS is about to hit a gong in the Rubin Museum's "Mandala Lab".  (I'm being careful NOT to show you her face, or to describe what she did before retiring.)  From this angle, she could be "any woman".  But a smart person might notice that I am going against my usual type.  She is the first woman since FL to give me a strong signal that she is attracted to me.

As the museum was closing at 10pm, we decided to get a bite to eat nearby, and we stumbled into a place that had my wife's name - this might have been an omen for the evening. Our conversation flowed like water.  Strangely enough, both of us are widowed, and we were having as upbeat a conversation about death as is humanly possible outside the Twilight Zone. (I can only imagine Rod Serling asking an introduction to us having this conversation.) All too soon, the night had to end.  RQS took an Uber home, while I made perfect connections to my train.

It's still too early to tell her about the Marian side of me.  But if things keep going well, I'll have a hard decision to make.  At least, it will be a good one - as long as I don't mislead either of these woman.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

2021 was one heck of a year!  It started off with me still dealing with the issues from the pandemic, but got better as the months went on.  Not only did I start having friendly conversations with an ex girlfriend, but I was able to find a second job where I could work as Marian.

Now that 2022 is finally here, I'm looking forward to the future again.  It took a long while to get me out of my funk. But that's OK.  The pandemic that started in 2020 did a number on me, making my lows lower and my highs higher (as few as they were).  2021 was much better for me, as life seemed to open up again for me.  Dating opportunities opened up, and I also enjoyed being able to meet new people again.  Yes, one avenue for this was wrongly closed off to me.  But I won't dwell on that.  Instead, I'll dwell on the positive - this past year was like a year long spring season.

Hopefully, 2022 will be even better than 2021!

 

 

 

We all have baggage!

I can still remember when people with money traveled with steamer trunks like the one pictured above.  These were sturdy items meant to take abuse - and many of these cases did.  Although I'm going on a cruise soon, the days of these trunks are long gone, and many have been repurposed for use as furniture. Even the luggage I had up to a couple of years ago is obsolete, as the goal now is to make a suitcase as strong and light as possible.  This allows a person to carry more items (usually clothing) in a suitcase, and still not get hit with overweight charges when taking a flight.

- - - - - -

Today, I am thinking of the problems I might have when I tall one woman that I live a good portion of my life as Marian.  Will she run away, as several other women have done?  Or, will she be intrigued?  How do I phrase things as not to scare this woman off?  The woman I want to reveal myself to has baggage of her own.  She has taken on a responsibility that few women would accept - all to help two people who are not in a position to help themselves yet.  So there might be a positive ending, if we could see things through to a positive ending. 

Right now, it's been over 2 years since a woman has shared a bed  with me, and I miss the experience.  Yet, this period has been one of growth.  I've had to learn NOT to lean on two people I once depended on - and I've come out OK.  (I wonder how well one of them is doing - but I'm not going to ask about it.)  It seems that losing important people in my life causes emotional growth spurts for which I see things differently at the end of the process.  

- - - - - -

I have more baggage than just being Marian.  But I only plan to show it to someone who is comfortable trusting me enough to see all of her baggage.  I wonder how long it will take for that to happen....

All went well, although I lost something I could use.

 

How many of my readers remember John Cameron Swayze?  Although he had a career as a journalist, he is better known to my generation as a pitchman for Timex watches.  The trademarked line "Takes a licking, but keeps on ticking" immediately brings to mind his stress tests of Timex watches in extreme environments, such as having a watch strapped to the propeller of a "cigarette boat".  The watch would work flawlessly after such tests, and this made Timex a best seller among affordable mass market watches.

Recently, I decided to buy an inexpensive Timex smart watch.  The watch is not that great, but for the price, I couldn't go wrong.  Although I doubt it would pass any of Swayze's stress tests, it provides decent value for $50.  The problem - I can't find my other watch (also a Timex, a sheer coincidence) that I use on a regular basis.  Given the mess in this apartment, I can understand how it got lost.  But I am annoyed at myself, as I wanted to wear it today on a date.

My date, I'll call her DWS for now, worked in a field similar to mine, and was a little more successful at it than I was.  She seems down to earth, and may be a good partner for me if she is able to deal with the Marian side of me.  (One can only hope.)  Is it immediate chemistry?  No.  I just feel comfortable talking with her, and I have more than a friendly interest (to phrase it politely) in the relationship we could have.  It would be nice to find out she feels the same way.

But I don't have much time to write today.  I've got to get ready to go to a concert with Vicki, and I must shower and dress for the second time today.  (I got sweated up replacing the carpet mat under/near my computer desk, and I want to be fresh for tonight....)

Still thinking of a bucket list cruise.

 

Two years ago, I could have gotten last minute deal on a balcony cabin for the above Thanksgiving time cruise for roughly $1,300 excluding taxes and port fees. (They dropped the single supplement a few days before sailing.  Otherwise, the cabin would have sold for $2,600.)  Today, a similar cruise would set me back roughly $8,000.  What's the difference?  Pent up demand for cruising combined with limited availability of cabins has made this cruise unaffordable for many. 

Two years ago, I posted an entry about cruises I considered taking.  Ships are not being repositioned in a way one can predict from year to year. In the past, you might find ships that did the West Coast Alaska run now doing a Mexico run.  Sometimes, ships would be repositioned through the Panama Canal, so that they can do a Caribbean run in the Winter.  (The reverse run would take place in the Spring, preparing for the yearly Alaska cruising season.)  Now, due to the pandemic, cruise lines are moving ships to regions where they can make the most money with limited capacity.  Before the pandemic, one could easily find cruises that did a full transit of the canal.  Today, many more ships do only a partial transit - and people seem happy with that.

When the time comes, I will make sure that I have a nice one piece bathing suit ready to go for a trip to the sun.  I can't wait to be at pool side on either a Hawaii or Panama Canal run.... 

- - - - - -

On other matters....

Casual readers of this blog will notice that I am not going to as many meetups as I used to in the past.  There are two reasons for this.  First is the problems I had last year.  The groups I was able to attend have either disbanded, or simply stopped meeting.  Second is that I'm simply too tired to go out for the sake of going out.     

When I look at my schedule, I find that I do not have enough hours in the day to keep up with the social demands on my life. There are people I want to keep up with that I haven't been able to do so.  They are available to meet, but not at times I am available - and vice versa.  

Dating is another wrinkle.  I'm getting tired of "swiping right" and then having conversations peter out before we get to a phone call stage or meeting for coffee.  No, I am not stretching things out too far.  I might be seen as a viable but 2nd/3rd choice candidate.  I have to find the time and energy to keep up my efforts in this area, but it's not that easy.

- - - - - -

All work and no play may be making Marian a very boring girl.  Before I took my current job, I could easily find the time to read books.  Today, I am way too tired to do this.  I can't remember the last time I borrowed a book from the library and finished it before it was past due.  I'm at the stage where I'm considering buying a few books, simply to have them available to read without having to wait for their availability via the library system.

- - - - - -

Luckily, my health hasn't failed me yet.  But I have to be careful, given my age and current risk factors....

 

 

It felt much warmer than it was today

 

No, this was not the outfit I wore today.  It was a Mario day - and I couldn't visit either of my friends wearing an outfit like this.  Not only would it be inappropriate to meet a new friend this way, but the skirt doesn't go well with the top.

- - - - - -

The first thing on my docket was a date with a woman with whom I wanted to get together for a while.  Things seemed to go very well, and we will find out where it goes when I call her next.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  Maybe, this time I'll get lucky in love.  Right now, I don't want to count any chickens before they hatch.  But we had a longer conversation than either of us had planned for a first date.  We'll see what happens when I tell her about Marian.

Afterwards, I went to see MWL.  By the time I got there, it felt too hot to do much of anything outside.   So we ordered a pizza, and brought it back to her place before going to see "Free Guy".  This movie is a well crafted piece of fluff.  It is a story of an AI becoming self-aware, where it is no threat to humanity.  Instead, humanity is a threat to the AI.  Without spoiling things, I will say that like most "fluff", this film has an appropriate happy ending.

When the film was over, we went back to MWL's place to chat for a while.  The dog she babysat took a liking to me - and it felt comfortable with me from the minute it came into the room.  Too bad it won't be there the next time I see MWL - I like the pooch.

It's nice to be able to play games on a Thursday night again

 

It's been almost a month since I've been able to join the group playing games in Yonkers.  And it was great fun being there, even though I had to leave early so that I could go to work early the next morning.  

- - - - - -

Like one person I know, for whom going to her meetups are like going to church, this meetup is like a church for me.  It's where I feel at home.  Unlike that person, I wouldn't be bothered if she were to come to my meetup and meet the welcoming people there.  It is a warm and friendly bunch of people.

I have a simple rule of thumb that I will use to determine whether a person is a good fit for me.  First, will she accept me both as Mario and as Marian?  And if so, would she fit in with this group of people.  Unlike the girlfriend in my last relationship, I will invite the special person in my life to join me now and then.  I won't want for that person to feel excluded from my life.

- - - - - -

Why do I reference the past here?  Well, even when one is looking forward, one has to look in the rear view mirror to make sure that what's in the past stays there.  If the connection between two points is a line, then I want to make sure that I'm heading in the right direction, and not doubling back on my path.

Right now, I'm seeing a nice lady.  But I don't think she'll be the right person for me.  She's not as well versed in as many things as I am, things that help to define the popular culture of the age in which we grew up.  For example, I don't expect a potential partner to have watched as many movies as I have.  But I do expect that partner to know that "As Time Goes By" comes from the movie "Casablanca."  I would expect that woman to know that "When I'm sixty four" is a classic Beatles' tune.  I could go on and on, but I'd be making this person sound much worse than she is.  And I don't want to do her an injustice.  (There is one red flag that I can not ignore, but I won't mention it here right now.)

Compared to last year, things are looking up for me in the dating department.  There are some people I'll want to keep as friends.  And there are some people who are total bores.  Over time, I expect that things will work themselves out.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

This chicken crossed the road to get some food....

 

This chicken did more than cross the road today.  But then, he knew that he could scarf up a lot of fatty food hanging out near people at the Walkill Valley Winery.

- - - - - -

This weekend was one spent in Mario mode.  Just as well.   It makes it easier for me to go dating.  But there are some people with whom I don't feel comfortable talking about my dating life - and one of them has been upset at me for not opening up about this. Recently, I told this one person about FH, saying that I had an argument with someone who was too comfortable with confrontation, and that I decided to shut FH out from my life.  What I didn't say is that FH wrote me another text today noting that I shouldn't have cut her off without explanation after a year of being together, and saying that I need psychological help. I also didn't say that I have a letter I am sending her via snail mail to explain my feelings in regard to our argument.  One thing I will say is that if I am in an argument and that the woman doesn't listen to me when I say that if she continues along this path, that I will sever communication with her - that I mean what I say even in the heat of an argument.

Saturday was a day spent with a woman I'll call LMW.  We agreed to get together at 1:30-2, and we were together until almost midnight.  I have to be careful of going too far with her until I know I want to pursue the relationship.  Sunday was a day spent with a woman I'll call AMH.  We met at the winery at 1:00, and spent 3 1/2 hours there, enjoying some food, some wine, and some music.  Unfortunately, the trip home was marred by Sunday traffic on the bridges crossing the Hudson.  Right now, I won't say too much more about either of these women, save that they are nice women and would be decent choices for me.

Tomorrow, I go back to work.  I'm starting to feel more comfortable in regard to my job.  But I know that I'll have an awkward chat with my boss when it's time for me to move on with my life....

Dinner with another friend

 

Even though I still am in contact with an ex, I don't say everything about what I do to her, and the same with her not saying everything to me.  She won last year's battle, but at a great cost to both of us.  And I think that cost is trust in the other person's motives.  

Why do I bring up the past, even in passing?

My air conditioner sleeve was being reset today, so that water condensate would drain outside instead of inside.  The ex made a comment (very true) regarding my use of the air conditioner and its use to me.  It is one of the things we can safely talk about without dredging up uncomfortable topics.  Since we got off on the wrong foot after our breakup when I talked about dating again, I don't want to talk about any of my dates with her.  Even then, I brought up FH, as this was another woman who left me with a sour taste in my mouth.

I've been chatting with a woman in New Jersey for a while, and it is time to see her in person.  Hopefully, we will get along in person over time as well as we've been getting along on the phone.  It is not the time to mention this to the ex, but not because she would object.  Instead, I would rather wait until I have a new relationship before mentioning it to the past one.  No, not to rub things in.  Instead, as part of a healing process we both need to go through.

- - - - - -

Contractor personnel was on site early in the day, and I had to let them into the place to get an idea of what they would need to do in the afternoon.  Starting around 1:15 or so, they were done with inside work around 3:15 or so, but were still working on the outside of the building after 4:45.  I can only guess what contractor will be charging for this work.  And when I do find out, I won't be mentioning it here, as this is between only the board and the contractor.

Back to the dinner....

We had agreed on a Chinese restaurant that I had gone to before.  When I got there, I found that it was open - but not for dining in.  So when my date arrived, we had to punt.  Instead of having Chinese again (I had eaten at a local Chinese joint the day before), we decided to eat at the Pizzeria next door.  Although the place was noisy, the food was good and the conversation was pleasant.  Afterwards, it was dessert at an ice cream shop down the road - another place I knew of because of TCL.

We'll see what happens with this woman.  She has a nice personality, but I'm not so sure if I'm attracted enough to get physical with her.  (And of course, I still have to reveal Marian to her....)

 

 

Dating is such a pain in the ass

 

My ex broke up with me shortly before the pandemic struck, and it was all downhill for a while.  When I received a hurtful email on my birthday, I knew that I could either continue to make things worse for myself and others, or to figure out a way to start healing.  In many ways, the less I say about the ex, the better.  So I will focus on the healing process.

- - - - - - 

A long time ago, I dated TCL.  And we decided to be "just friends" shortly afterwards.  Why did I not pursue a relationship with her?  She's the type of person who will meander from topic to topic, getting lost in the process.  In a way, it's like a programmer tracing code through a series of "nested IF statements" and getting lost in the depths of the statements.  TCL has to be interrupted in order for you to get a word in, and I don't think she realizes she does this.  If I don't get the chance to speak once in a while, I get bored.  Who wants to be bored by a person one might want to live with someday?  She was typical of many of the women I dated before meeting my ex girlfriend - all had one obvious trait that would get under my skin.

- - - - - -

My personal ad was out before the pandemic struck, but I met FH shortly after people were told they could meet outdoors while wearing masks.  No one really know how the virus spread in those days, and I can still remember driving FH home from the heart of Forest Hills.  She wasn't perfect, but she was better than having no one to keep busy with on weekends. However, this doesn't say much about FH.  She's an educated woman who was always commenting on her crazy family.  As the old saying goes, "it takes one to know one."  I'll always wonder if she asked herself whether she was as crazy as her siblings.  From what I can tell from her brother, he is a product of his environment and of his news bubble.  FH lives within NYC limits, and her brother in the suburbs. She's a Democrat, and he's a Republican.  Both siblings often see each other through a political lens.  Needless to say, I've heard her make incendiary statements about all Republicans.  Although they may be true of many in the GOP, it would be unfair to paint them all using the same brush.  Sadly, she's a person who doesn't know how to let things drop - and one has to do this in order to have a successful relationship.

During this time, I met FL, and we had a few dates before she backed away.  Of course, she was spooked by me as Marian, and broke up with me before we things got too serious.  FL and I are still friends, and we get along well.  Unfortunately, she now lives too far away for me to visit on a regular basis. 

But there were other women. GS lives in the Hudson Valley, and we had a handful of dates before the weather got cold.  There was no real chemistry between us, but my female presentation wasn't an issue for her.  Instead, I think that her financial situation was precarious due to the pandemic, and she had bigger problems to worry about than dating.

I won't go through the whole list here, but I've gotten to hate having to learn a bit about a person, only to forget it later on.  I want to spend my time building memories with someone who cares for me.  Maybe that's why I said I wasted 5 years dating one woman - I have only so much time left to build memories, and I hate wasting time before I find that person I can build memories with.

- - - - - -

Lucky, the pandemic seems to be easing off, and things are slowly returning to "normal".  Hopefully, some nice women will "swipe right" on my profile, and that one of them is a good match for me, and me for her....

It's going to be a long weekend

 

I'm going to be brief today.   It's going to be a long weekend, as I'm starting off with seeing FH tonight.  Normally, I see her on a Saturday due to our work schedules.  However, this week, her daughter wants to see her alone on a Saturday (mom works on Sunday) to celebrate Mother's Day.  So, guess who has to change back to Mario on Friday for a late dinner?

Saturday is a second date (if all goes right) with one woman from Jersey, and FH's change of schedule works out for me, as I can see this woman at a normal time and day.  Most importantly, I am free on Sunday.  And this means that I will be able to make a drive to Cooperstown to see Roy Hobbs' uniform again.  This trip will be one done as Marian - I hope.  

You might ask, why Cooperstown?  I have a goal in mind.  There is someone I've had a disagreement with who has mentioned what I did for her once.  Well, I want to riff on that theme and give this person a similar (but very different) gift.  In short, I want to shock the shit out of her, but leave a smile on her face.  

Let's see if all my planning works out on a busy weekend....

I think I'm going to cut back on the frequency of this blog ...soon.

 

The above is a picture of me in happier days.  I had gotten my first job (part time) where I could work as Marian, FCP was a good friend, and my ex wasn't an ex then.  Things were looking up for me in the year before Covid-19 struck.

In the almost 2 years since the above photo was taken, my life has turned upside down.  Things I shouldn't have said turned FCP into someone who hates me, the ex became an ex (I don't think she'd mind that simple reference), and my father died during the pandemic.  About the only good thing left to me from that era was the ability to work as Marian.

We are far from being back to normal.  Meetup groups are slowly opening up to in-person gatherings.  And I am dating again (as Mario), hoping to find someone who fits me better than my last partner.  Now that I am working full time as Marian, I don't have the time to keep up with my friends, nor do I have as much time (or energy) to post entries on a daily basis.  So if I skip a day or two, I hope my loyal readers will understand....