Lunch with a friend, and a lost credit card.

 

I really didn't think I'd want to get up this morning, so I made sure to set several alarms to get me moving in time for lunch.  Each month, a friend of mine from the census gets together with me and we have lunch at a nearby restaurant.  Today was no different, save that I was a little bit "off".

Considering that it was finally too cool for me to wear my summer dresses.  So I had to pull out something a little bit warmer to wear - a long sleeved blue dress with matching blue tights.  Although it's been forever since I put on a pair of tights, I felt comfortable, knowing that my "junk" was safely tucked and would stay in place during the meal.  (Soon, I will be wearing my Fall/Winter wardrobe exclusively, and I will miss the comfort of my Summer wardrobe.  But I digress.)  Once dressed, I was out the door, and at the restaurant only a few minutes late.

Not seeing my friend's car, I knew to walk into the place and look for my friend - who was sitting by the front door.  However, we ended up moving from our original table, as it was too loud where we were.  So we took our napkins, utensils, and menus and proceeded to the back.  And this was much more comfortable than where we were first seated, making it much easier to chat without a lot of the noise being made up front.  For the most part, our chat was mostly about the trips we took and the trips we were about to take. So, I won't mention much here.  But I was uncomfortable, as I felt "off" from the time I got up.  As a result, I was glad when 2:30 came around, and we bid each other farewell.

With lunch being done, it was time to fill my car with gas.  And this is where I noticed that my Exxon card was missing.  Normally, I keep it with my cell phone, so that I can use it in either gender presentation.  But it was gone.  So I proceeded to the BP station in town and filled up there.  From there, I went home and filed a missing card report.  Dollars to donuts I'll find the old card before its' replacement comes in....

If you knew sushi, like I know sushi....

There is an old song that goes:

"If you knew Suzie,
 Like I know Suzie,
 Oh, Oh, Oh, What a gal..."

I rework that in my head, replacing "Suzie" with "Sushi", whenever I go out for sushi.  Today was one of those days I did just that.

- - - - - -

But first....

As has been happening lately, I didn't go to sleep when I wanted last night.  Knowing that I'd have a hard time waking up in time for lunch, I set multiple alarms on multiple devices to ensure that I'd be able to get ready and meet my friend with minimal delays. After showering, shaving, and making up my face, I decided to put my earrings in.  With q tolerable "struggle", I was able to do so without much effort.  This is important, as I don't want to go back to the piercing shop a third time.

At noon, I drove into Croton to meet my friend from the census.  We try to meet at least once each month to catch up on things, and today, we met at a sushi joint in town. The conversation flowed like water.  All too soon, it was time to go home - and none too soon, as I had GI Tract issues.  When done, I drove to Target to buy a bathroom / shower shelf, so that all my bath needs could be in an easy to reach place.

And then, it was time to go home.  I got on Route 133, and less than a mile from the Saw Mill River parkway was the site of a multi car accident blocking the road.  Instead of waiting for things to clear up, I drove back to the Saw Mill parkway, taking a wide detour to get home.  Given that it is raining as I write this, I'm going to close out this entry because I doubt anything more of consideration will happen tonight.

Lunch with a friend from the Census

 

Not getting enough sleep has become a habit with me, and my body keeps waking me up with the sun, only to have me hit the virtual snooze bar to rest another hour or so.  But today was different.  As much as I didn't want to get up today, I ended up doing so as I had a lunch date scheduled with a friend I met while working at the census bureau and I didn't want to disappoint her.

- - - - - -

My friend, CCS, is a member of Mensa, and her world intersected with mine in more than one way. When we met at the Mexican restaurant down the hill, she sent greetings from some I dated a long time ago.  (There wasn't much chemistry between me and the woman I dated.  She lived on Manhattan's West Side and I lived where I live now.  Dating her would be a headache that neither of us needed, as I was starting to come out as trans at the time. I just wonder how my name came up at CCS's out of town conference.) And then, we got down to ordering lunch....

Over lunch, we chatted about many things: my travel plans, her insurance issues, politics, and life in general.  She's the type of friend who accepts me for who and what I am.  And I am grateful to have this friendship.  CCS and Vicki will be the people I'm most likely to call when I finally get around to scheduling another colonoscopy, as these are the two friends who have volunteered to drive me on the day of my procedure.

All too soon, we had to part.  My next stop was to fill my car up at the local gas station.  I was glad that I was wearing a short, comfortable dress, as the weather was hot.  Given how hot it was today, I made the decision to be in Marian more tomorrow when I pick RQS up at the station.

Meeting up with a friend from the Census

 

When the above restaurant was split between two strip malls, as single slice pizza joint in one site, and a sit-down restaurant in the other site, I would always avoid going to the sit-down place when presenting as a female as I was a regular there in male mode.  However, when they consolidated operations in this place, they stopped serving slices and became a more classy, but casual, sit-down restaurant. The old staff went on to establish and manage other places, leaving this place open for me to be a regular while presenting as a female.

I met my friend while working the 2020 census, and we both had stories to tell each other.  No, I can't say that our stories were that exciting.  But we saw each other as peers, people with whom conversation flowed freely. And we kept in contact after our terms at the census ended. Although I can't say we're close (we don't reveal the types of intimate secrets that most women share), we have shared things that we don't want certain people to know. Both of us will soon be doing some distance travel, me to take a cruise and my friend to go to a wedding.  We'll have things to share when we get together next month. 

But why is this important?

Although it is harder for many trans people of my age to make friends because of learned prejudice, it is not impossible.  Many foreign born and younger people have fewer prejudices against us because, as I see it, they are also people trying to make their way in our American culture.  Hopefully, other trans people will successfully find their ways, not giving up on things....

A day where only one thing went right

 

I had only two things on the docket for today: (1) Lunch with my friend from the Census, and (2) going to NYC to see an Off-Broadway play.  Only the first thing went off as planned.

- - - - - -

My friend reminded me of our lunch date early in the week, and I would have forgotten it if she had not reminded me.  So I was glad to see her again for lunch at the local pizzeria.  For the most part, my friend dominated the conversation. We caught up on many of the things going on in each others' lives. And we finished at the right time - just before we would have stayed too long.

After lunch, I decided to stop by the local LGBT center to say hi to a couple of the "permanent" employees there.  Unfortunately, they were busy in a meeting.  So I waved hello, and left as quickly as I got there.  And then it was off to Lane Bryant to browse the dresses they had in stock.  Again, things didn't go as planned - the one dress I was looking for was not stocked in the stores.  So I'll have to order it online, and return it if I don't like it.

At this point, it was time to go into NYC to see Welcome to Clown Town.  Though I made the commuter train on time, I lollygagged when dealing with the subway and dinner - and missed the play because I got the starting time wrong.  (Luckily, RQS and I will be going to see the play on Sunday afternoon.) So, it was back home as quickly as I came into NYC.  For the most part, I could have gone home after lunch and done something productive.  But, I took it all in stride - sometimes, fortune gets in the way of life, and all one can do is avoid the worst of things that could happen.

Someone mentioned an opportunity to me.

 

The other day, I got an email from someone at a place I once volunteered.  She asked me about some work that needed to be done at this place, mentioning that this may be a part-time position in the making.  I was pleasantly surprised about this, as I've needed an excuse to get moving each day and to get out of the house.  Assuming I'm the person who fills this slot, I will go to work as Marian - even though key people will know that I am trans.  It'll be nice to have regular interactions with people again.  If I'm lucky, I'll get the part-time position and put some extra cash in my wallet.

Looking back over the past few years, I've noticed that I have fewer reasons to get up in the morning. than I had 10 years ago.  Yes, I was at the end of a 30 year career with the bank I once worked for.  But I had already checked out due to the lack of opportunities left for me in the New York office.  When I was laid off, it was a blessing to me, as it freed me to explore being out as Marian much more often than I could have been in the past.

Getting through the pandemic with my sanity (or, at least, most of it) intact was a lucky thing.  Having lost both my best friend and a girlfriend, and then my father took a toll on me.  I was lucky to have a short term job at the Census Bureau, and then the document imaging firm the year afterwards.  Yet, towards the end, I was having problems getting up when I had no social commitments for the day. Do I miss that friend and the ex-girlfriend?  A little.  But I miss my father most of all. In many ways, the years of the pandemic sapped much out of me that has yet to return.

I have no problems getting up when RQS is around.  Having someone in my life energizes me, and gives me a reason to get up and moving.  Is this normal for an older person?  Many males tend to die within 3 years of retirement.  So, could my TG identity be a factor in keeping me alive?  Or, is it a good romance?  Who knows?  But I know that the idea of having both a solid romance and a part time job may be factors in keeping me alive for another 2 or 3 decades.

When I started to write this post, I had nothing to say.

 

As I've said in a previous post, this is how I wish I could make my face look.  When I told RQS about the website that allowed me to transform my masculine face into a feminine face, she wondered how she would look as a male.  Today, I finished work on the edit, removing extra hair from "her" face to look like a typical male - and "she" looked like she could have been her father's brother!  If I were into males, I'd be attracted to RQS's male image.  I guess that no matter what gender we were born into, we'd still find each other attractive.

- - - - - -

Right now, I'm relaxing in my apartment, catching up on things.  I was pleased to find that our co-op's site representative sent out a mailing on time, as directed.  (I thought that he wouldn't realize how time sensitive the material was, and would have waited for a go-ahead before a second edit review to send it out.)  Now, we're on track to take care of some business in a timely manner.

Sometime later in the day, I'll be taking care of laundry.  Although I have two loads to put away, I have (at least) another two loads to catch up on things.  It's one of those "might as well" tasks that I can take care of when I have nothing urgent to do and need to get something done to feel good about the day. 

And this triggered the thought of a conversation I had last night....

A friend of mine has family duties (that I won't describe here) that limits the activities she can do to earn money. I said that I would look up an acquaintance from my Census days and see if she still has contacts for work that my friend can do at home.  Hopefully, I'll be able to help this friend.

 

 

How things have changed

 

This is not a flattering picture of me.  But it is a reminder that I need to do something about my weight.

Why do I mention this?

First, I started going out in the world as Marian, knowing I was far from perfect.  It took a lot of internal energy to start going out in the world as Marian, and I was very scared to have people know about me where I live. Now, I don't care who sees me in either presentation.

Second, at the beginning of the pandemic, I was having problems with an ex girlfriend regarding meetup groups which she didn't want me attending.  Although she was able to blackball me from the one surviving group from that time, it really doesn't matter much anymore.  I don't have the time or energy to go to many of these functions any more.

Third, as much as I like having a job to keep me from getting too lethargic, I'm now at the point where I'm planning to retire for good.  It's a strange feeling for me, as I have almost never left a job on my own volition. The census was a job that I knew was going to end as soon as I took it.  I was laid off from most of my other jobs, as I either didn't perform up to standards, or that I was caught up in a purge - as happened at the bank I worked for 30 years.

Now that I have other things to do with my life, I may end up changing the frequency of published entries here, as I do not have enough to say for all of the 7 days of the week.  I'm out and about socially as Marian these days, and I am fully comfortable in the role of Marian.  There is not much new to me as Marian anymore, so I've been talking about other things than my life as Marian.  So to keep publishing new entries, I will be talking more about things going on in the world than what's going on in my life.  Hopefully, my readers will find this interesting....

Interesting Reads

 

 

I'd like to  describe the job I now will likely hold for a few more days (at least, until my immediate supervisor returns from her Hawaii vacation.)

- - - - - -

Unlike my position at the US Census, people at my current job see me as an oversized older woman named Marian.  Only one person in HR officially knows my legal identity is that of a male named Mario.  Most of the tasks in the office are highly repetitive.  For example, I did QC on scanned documents.  This meant that I scanned the documents for blank pages, poorly scanned images, and other flaws that would require operator intervention.  Now, I perform document indexing.  This means that I will inspect a document such as (Disciplinary Suspension of Rudolph Guiliani's License to Practice Law) and then enter indexing data into a database where this document resides.  In both cases, I had the opportunity to do a little more than just do my job.  I took the opportunity to learn things people wouldn't normally learn by keeping my eyes open - and then keep my mouth shut about the details of what information to which I once had access. (I'll never be able to talk about personal data I may have gathered as part of my duties at the Census Bureau, and I treat the non-public data I've seen on this job in the same way.)  Privately, I might say a little bit more than what I've mentioned here - but not much.  The reason I reference the disciplinary action taken against Rudy Guiliani is that this is a public document, something which has been published in the New York Times.

Unfortunately, I can not say much more than I have done so far.  It has been a good experience for me, as it has shown me some of my shortcomings and my limitations.  Since I expect to be leaving this job soon, I am glad that I have been there for 6 months (so far), and I wish them all the best luck going forward.

The way I'm going, I'll learn to hibernate like a bear before this is over.

 

I no longer have this ID card, as my job with the census ended 2 1/2 months ago.  But it brings back good memories of a time where having a job kept me out of trouble.  Now that the pandemic is entering into a new phase of hunkering down, it makes sense for me to remember the good times while waiting for my turn to get vaccinated.

It's easy to get a little bit jealous when one sees her friends starting to get their vaccinations.  With all but one exception (my brother, a first responder), everyone who has his/her arm stuck has been a healthcare professional.  Even the woman I've been seeing is scheduled to have her arm stuck this week.

- - - - - -

You might be asking, "Why is this woman talking about hibernation?"   Well, I've been finding that I now have very irregular sleep patterns, and one day is blending into the next.  Today, it took a phone call from a friend to wake me up in advance of a co-op board meeting that I set up.  Thankfully, I wasn't too late for the meeting.  Although I'm usually awake through the night, I'm finding it easier and easier to sleep during the day. Without a job to go to, or social events to attend, it is very easy to lose track of time.  The other day, TCL had to ask me what day of the week it was - a question that neither of us would have to ask when we were both working and had social activities to attend.

The job at the census bureau was one I was thankful to have.  The tasks weren't that difficult, and the pay was good. Although I'll never have an opportunity like that again, I've started to apply to organizations for work.  Hopefully, one of them will come through, as it would be nice to have a few extra dollars coming in, as well as a reason for me to reset my circadian rhythm each week...

- - - - - -

I may have mentioned that one of my blog's readers was in bad health.  Several of us bloggers who know this reader noted that we had no way to find out whether this reader had passed away or not.  None of us knew the real name of this reader, and had no way to contact this person's wife.  Given that I'm all over certain parts of the internet, I stumbled onto this site: http://ifidie.org/learn that may be of use to our TG community. If our friend had used this site, her friends would receive an email within 30 days of her passing.  I plan to start using this site soon.

 

Thank God this year is almost over.

Years ago, an American president said that December 7, 1941 is a day that will live in infamy.  I say, that because of our current president, 2020 is a year that will live in infamy.  When a online dating site posts an ad that even Satan could have a successful match with 2020, then it's easy to claim that this will be the worst year in many of our lives.

Earlier this year, I lost my dad. And then, due to events related to an argument with an ex girlfriend, I got blackballed from a meetup group.  Such is life.  Other people had it much worse than I did. Can you imagine a young bride having to postpone her wedding three times due to the pandemic?  Even worse, what happens when both breadwinners in a small family have lost their jobs, and have to go on food lines to have enough for their family to eat? What about a teenager who loses both parents to the virus?  Even worse, what about an extended family of 23 who loses 17 members?  As I write this entry, over 300,000 lives have been lost.  Many of these deaths could have been prevented, had our president taken the pandemic seriously and had modeled proper use of face masks and hand washing. Instead, he turned mask wearing into a political statement, and helped cause super spreader events which made the pandemic even worse.

But enough about the troubles of 2020.  We've all had them, and there's not much we can do except to muddle through and carry on.  Instead, I'd like to focus on the good things that happened this year.  For example, many of us learned who our real friends are.  These are people who would stand with us in time of need, and be there for us whenever we needed help. Many of us started to realize that our votes could make a difference, and used these votes to remove the grifter in chief from office as of 1/20/21. Even "Big Pharma" looked at the pandemic as an opportunity to speed up development of new vaccines at a breakneck speed. We're learning that even in the worst of times, there's a lot of good to be said about an imperfect species such as ours.

In spite of the bad things that happened to me and my family this year, I have benefited from what I've gained during the year.  For example, I have developed new friendships while working at the census AND have had a chance to perfect my feminine presentation. When I was training a couple of new employees, one mentioned that she'd have never thought me anything other than a cisgender female, save for when she saw my name when I logged on to the computer. I've also learned better ways of projecting an authentic feminine image while doing things which would have me wearing trouser like garments - something many newly out transgender people need to learn.  Most of all, I have been able to retain my sense of humor and have found out who really appreciates having me in their lives.

Yes, there is a part of me that wishes I could turn the clock back a year or two and do different things.  I'd still have two people in my life that I cared about.  But we can't live in the past.  We can only move forward.  And forward means entering into 2021 with hope that the coming year will be better than 2020 - a relatively low bar to reach.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soon, 2020 will be over.

I pass over the Bear Mountain Bridge several times each month. But when I looked at the above photo, I was reminded of how rarely I go to this tower to get a view of the Hudson River "from above".  This picture was taken over a decade ago, before things started to go sour in my life. And it also reminds me that there will be a time after the virus is long past.

Why do I mention this right now?

For most of us, 2020 has been a terrible year.  I lost my dad.  My niece has had to postpone her wedding 3 times, and friends have lost their jobs due to the virus.  And I am one of the "Lucky" ones.  My dad lived a full 92 years, my niece is living with her fiancee (having recovered from Covid-19), and my friends have been able to find work.  Others have had it much, much worse than me, my friends, and my family.

Things are starting to look up for us.  Initial deliveries of the Coronavirus vaccines are being scheduled, planning for mass inoculations is taking place, and the economy is recovering.  If we're lucky, by this time next year, 2020 will be a bad, but persistent memory.

- - - - - -

2020 was remarkable in many ways for me. It was the first year in a long while where I didn't have a girlfriend to curl up with in private. Yet, it allowed me to go to work as Marian for the better part of 10 months. During the year, I met new people, and was able to develop at least 1 new friendship.  No, this friendship may not be as deep as the ones I lost last year.  But it is a start for me.

Having worked at the census for the better part of 10 months as Marian, I feel confident that I will be able to find work again as Marian.  This may turn off some people.  But I don't care much about them. Unless I'm living with a woman who needs to see Mario most of the time, I'd like to be living as much of my life as Marian as possible.

2021, I hope, will be a year which I finally get my weight under control.  My goal is to be wearing size 18 clothes within the next 2 years.  Yes, I'll have to replace both of my wardrobes, but it will be worth it if I'm successful.  Additionally, I'd like to be in a new serious relationship by the end of next year. (I miss the touch of someone next to me in bed.) Hopefully, I'll finally be able to take a Hawaiian cruise, preferably as Marian.

 

.

Being Thankful

 

I'd like to wish all of my readers a Happy Thanksgiving!

This is one of the rare entries which goes out on (or close to) the actual date I refer to in the post.  Yet, it expresses much about how I feel lately.

Earlier this year, I lost my dad because of the pandemic.  Yet, I'm grateful that he was my dad, and that he had 92 years on this planet.  Life is way too short.  Yet, in the grand scheme of things, my dad lived a full life.  And, most importantly, he raised two children to adulthood and made sure that they had the grit to take care of themselves after he was gone.  For that, I am grateful.

My brother has turned himself into a person I respect very much.  Even though we are very different in style and personality, I'm grateful that we have a good relationship.  No, we wouldn't have chosen each other as friends, as we don't have much in common.  But he is a good man, and someone I'm glad to know.

I'm thankful that I recently had 10 months of work with the census bureau, as I was able to replenish my bank account for future use.  It's nice to know that I have money enough to afford another vacation when the pandemic restrictions are gone.

I could go on and on about things today.  However, right now, I am more interested in the Thanksgiving dinner I expect to have with someone who could become very special over time.

 

   !

The end is near (or has come, by the time you read this).

 

The 2020 US Census.  There has been a lot of controversy surrounding this census both due to the pandemic and to the political leadership in charge of it.  I do not plan to discuss the politics of the census, as it has been covered much better elsewhere.  Instead, I will discuss my feelings about the census and the people I've met while working there.

 

When I first was in contact with the census bureau, I was up for two jobs.  One was an assistant manager position in charge of resolving technology related issues.  The other was for a clerical position, a position whose main responsibility was to recruit enumerators to do the decennial head count.  The former position was one I'd have done in my male presentation, as that could be a way for me to reenter the world of technology.  The latter position was the one I took, a position which I was allowed to come to work as a female.

 

Although its obvious that I am a transgender person, I was always treated with respect. And I earned the respect of many people there, as I was one of the go-to people to whom questions were posed to get problems resolved.  I enjoyed resolving problems with common sense solutions.  Recruitment was another issue - I hated reading off the awkward script provided us to use, especially when redundant questions were asked of the potential employees. However, recruiting helped me a great deal - it taught me what I needed to do to keep my voice sounding somewhat feminine over the course of a long day.

 

One of the first people I met was a woman whose own son is transgender. It was she who gave me the confidence to go to work presenting as female for the first time. And I'll always be grateful to her for the information that allowed me to be my authentic self at work. Next, was a woman whose goal was to work two or three months, earn a few dollars, and then start travels across the country in an RV with her husband, staying away from home for months at a time. Sadly, the pandemic put a hold on that dream. When people returned to the office after the 6 week pandemic break, both of these women were no longer coming to the office.  However, new people started coming in, including a woman who was born in Brazil.  She's a person who I'll likely be in contact with long after the census, as she is a very interesting person. Later on, we hired a woman from Mount Vernon, someone who could be a traveling partner if I were to go to the right cities.

 

Some people there are a little bit strange.  There is one man who seems to carry everything he owns in his car. In a way, he reminds me of an ex-girlfriend who started doing this after her separation from her ex-husband. Another person had a voice like a foghorn. Although she is a good person, her style rubbed a few people the wrong way.  Many people appreciated the peace and quiet in the office when she was not around.  There were two men with whom I could have serious intellectual conversations, and I wish there was a good way to keep in contact with them.   

 

As I write this, we've started the shut down process for the office.  Through a good part of the day, I was destroying messenger bags that enumerators carried while going door to door on their assignments.  It's a shame that we are doing this, but the census needs to make sure that no one has the tools to impersonate a legitimate employee.  Much of the printed paperwork unique to the 2020 census will be sent out to be destroyed. And other items will be given to other government entities.  It's only a matter of time before the office door is locked for good.

 

I'll miss this place.  It helped keep me sane during the worst part of the pandemic, and distracted me when I dwelled too much in thoughts of my ex-girlfriend.  The people were all decent people, and for the most part, I'd be glad to work with most of them again.

 

 

 

It was a long day for me....

 

Today was a busy day for me. It was the last 8 hour day at the census.  It was a short visit with the folks from my Thursday night gaming sessions.  And it was dinner with Vicki.  By the time I got home, I was totally exhausted and unable to pay any attention to a book I was trying to read, or to the TV on in the background.

Starting off the day, I woke up before the alarm clock and proceeded to get ready for work.  This would be the last day I officially had to be on site by 7:00 am, and I knew I'd be exhausted all day. As usual, I arrived at the office a few minutes late (don't tell my boss), and proceeded to surf the web all day.

After a quick attempt at napping, I drove to Yonkers to see my game night friends for what be my only chance to see them until next spring. The visit was way too short, and if I didn't have dinner scheduled with Vicki, I'd have stayed until the sun went down. But 6:00 came way too soon, and dinner was scheduled for 7:30 in Mahopac.

Picking Vicki up around 7:00, we got to dinner on time.  However, it was a blessing that the restaurant wouldn't allow us to open the bottle of wine Vicki brought with her.  We chatted about many things over dinner, not discussing the elephant in the room: What do I do with FH and FL? How do I sort things out?  So, on the ride home, we finally chatted about that.

When we got to Vicki's house, we chatted about relationships, and I learned something about her and about myself.  Vicki has strong feelings about my ex-girlfriend, and tends to get into a lecturing session if the ex comes up.  I only wanted to reference her in context of the other two ladies, and it triggered something in Vicki.  But Vicki mentioned something in passing about someone we once knew - the fellow who introduced us said I was cheap, and the ex mentioned that in her "nastygram" to me on my birthday.  

Am I cheap?  Frugal yes, but I don't think excessively cheap.  I only wish I had a person who knew me well enough to give me honest and objective feedback.

 

Things are warming up

 

It was a day off from the census, and I decided to accompany FL to see a house she was thinking of renting on the Jersey shore.  There is a big difference between driving 90 minutes through the Hudson Valley to see my ex girlfriend and 120 minutes driving through New Jersey to reach FL.  And I know that this will become a factor in the relationship as it develops....

- - - - - -

Right now, I have to think of how I will extricate myself from FH.  She's a nice woman, but I don't think I want to deal with the headaches of a girlfriend who can't drive and won't use mass transit in the age of COVID-19.  Yes, she's willing to spend $70+ on an Uber to get to Westchester.  But I don't like the idea of driving to the Catskills, then drive her back to Long Island.  Something bothers me, and it's related to the inconveniences of dating someone who has limited transit mobility at a time mass transit poses an infection risk.

In regard to FL, the drive to Brick and back was a way of seeing whether FL could be comfortable with me in Marian Mode.  Even though there was no hanky-panky, she was comfortable putting her hand in mine and laying it on my skirted leg.  This is a very positive sign.  Yes, the first time we get intimate, I'll be dressed as Mario. But she has no objection for me to be dressed as Marian.  

In many ways, my ex may have done me a favor by breaking up with me.  FL is making an effort to be comfortable with me both as Marian and as Mario.  I only wonder - is there something I should be concerned about that I'm not sensing?

 

 

A highlight of the week

It's been a while since I went to a meetup with the Fun Time Friends.  But this week, I finally was able to go.  And the headache of getting there was worth it....

Normally, I try to set a distance limit for meetups that I only drive an hour or so to get to a meetup.  However, once I reached Connecticut, traffic stopped moving. And what should have been a 70 minute trip became a 100 minute trip.  Since it was too late for me to cancel dinner with the group, I texted the hostess to let her know I was going to be late.  Although I was about 30 minutes late, this was not a problem, as people were still arriving for Milford's Restaurant Week dinners....

Unfortunately, I was not able to sit at the hostess's table.  But I can't complain, as I was able to sit with the great group of ladies in the picture above.  It was nice to feel acceptance as Marian again. People who do not know me treat me as an oversized lady.

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On the way home, I chatted with FL.  She's been dealing with a low grade bug for most of the week, and she had to cancel getting together on Saturday.  This is not a problem, as I am usually sleep deprived at the end of the week, and I need rest.

There's a part of me that can't wait for my census job to end.  As much as I can use the money from the job, I'm tired of this schedule. As much as I'm tired of the schedule, I'll both miss having a reason to get up in the morning AND having a place with good people who I meet on a regular basis.  When the census finally ends, I'll be able to do things with FL during the week - a benefit to having the census end.  My big question is - Is FL too good to be real?  She's making an effort to enjoy me in Marian mode, and liked the thought of going away with me in Marian mode.  Is she trying too hard to have a relationship?  If so, why?  It seems like there should be a red flag somewhere....

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Not much else to say.  More next time.

It's been an interesting weekend - and it began on a Thursday!

At the beginning of this weekend, I wasn't sure of how things would go.  There's a part of me that is very uncomfortable with the risk of letting FH go, so I can pursue a relationship with FL.  I still have to figure out where I stand with MH.  And, I have to keep my head clear for the last days of employment at the census.  So, I have a lot on my mind these days.

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On Thursday, I had a day off, and I took the opportunity to go for a walk with another woman who answered my personal ad in female presentation.  We had a nice afternoon together, and I found out that it is a very small world after all - she had done business with my ex-girlfriend before selling her old house, she exercised in the same building where my ex has her office, and she previously lived down the road from my ex.  When I asked her what she thought of my ex, she put her finger to her head and started twirling it.  This made my day, and I had yet to attend my Zoom meeting in the evening.  By the time we turned back to the parking lot, we were almost in Stone Ridge - and I was glad NOT to be too close to my ex's office.

I rushed home so that I could talk to several people, and yet have time to attend the Zoom meetup.  By the time I got in to the meeting, the host and hostess was about to leave, and control was being passed to my pen pal in Texas.  It was then I found out that the ex husband of one of the ladies had been sentenced to 3 life terms - he'll likely be "Bubba's Special Friend" before long.  Another of the ladies is in dire financial straits, and will need a quick influx of money to keep her in her home.  It's gotten me to the point where I may anonymously send her a few dollars to help her out.

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Friday came, and I was sleep deprived.  It was all I could do to stay awake at work. I was hoping to be able to hide myself away.  But I got stuck answering phone calls.  Most were from enumerators involving their work.  And I brushed off a news reporter, as we are not allowed to have the reporter come to our office, and we are not allowed to give interviews.  He was unhappy with how I treated him, but that's his problem and not mine. I was just doing my job.  Later on in the day, I made arrangements to see Vicki at a Sushi restaurant in Yorktown, and we had a nice night of it.  She liked how a dress looked on me, and I was glad that she suggested that I buy it.

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Saturday was another sleep deprived day at the office, and I had nothing to do.  So I surfed the web for the better part of my shift.  I scheduled a 6:30 dinner with FL, and we were at a restaurant in Briarcliff Manor until 10:30 or so.  Hopefully, things will keep going well for us, as she seems to be a keeper.  (And, NO!, I don't expect her to bob for cans of Foster's Lager from an ice bucket....)

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Sunday, I finally had enough sleep. When I arrived, I showed her my "Pregnant Phone", to explain the problem I had in talking with her the other night.  (Hopefully, I'll get the battery replacement from California by Thursday/Friday, so that I can have a fixed phone over the following weekend.) Then, FH and I went to Manhattan to walk around Greenwich Village.  .

It's been a while since I've driven on the LIE to the BQE, and then across the Williamsburg bridge.  So I was taken by how many things have changed since I was last on these streets.  Eventually, we found parking in the West Village, and we walked over to Washington Square.  Next, it was off to find a restaurant - and we ate at a small Indian joint which was doing its best to stay open with pandemic restrictions.  (I don't think t will survive the winter.  Hopefully, I'll be wrong about this.) At lunch, FH floated the idea of taking a trip to Amish country.  Although I said yes to the idea, I'm really not sure if I want to do so, as I don't know how far I should go with this relationship now.  Once done with lunch, it was back to Washington Square to enjoy people watching, and then to drive home.

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In the end, I will have to thank my ex girlfriend for setting me free.  Several of the women I've met after our breakup have only seen me in Marian mode and are very comfortable being with me this way. FL is comfortable with the idea of going to meetups this way and would consider a Hawaii cruise with me presenting as Marian.  Would FH be comfortable with me in Marian Mode?  who knows? 

Since I mentioned my ex several times lately, I have to mention that she is still avoiding meetups where I'm present as Marian.  She has a habit of posting a message, saying that she was sorry she couldn't make it, but had other plans.  I can only imagine what would happen if she slips up and sees me (as Marian) with one of the ladies I've been seeing.  Luckily, I'm in no hurry to see this happen in real life, as the last person I want to see is my ex.  That's one of the few things we can agree on these days.

It'll be sad when the census ends

 

This has been the first real job that Ive been able to work as Marian.  And sadly, it will soon end.  Whether it ends at the end of September, as the Trump administration wants, or at the end of October as originally scheduled, it doesn't matter - this gig will soon end.

I took this job knowing that it was a short term gig.  It paid well. But there is nothing much left for me to do except pack up my belongings and take my leave.  Yet, I've made a few friends here, and I hope to get together with them in the future.

Sometimes you swing for the fences, and sometimes you play small ball....

The above picture was taken about 7-8 years ago, when minor league ball was being played.  I was dating a woman from Staten Island, and we had bargain tickets to see the "Baby Bombers" play at home.  Those were simpler times, and the eventual break with this woman didn't hit me as hard as that in my most recent relationship.

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Why, you might ask, am I referencing a relationship that ended 7 years ago?  Well, the Baseball analogy seems to fit with this picture.  When dating, one either has to go for the Thunderbolt of attraction.  Or, one has to go for "something" that grows over time.  I tend to make the latter choice, as I am too slow to deal with a Thunderbolt if it were to strike me.  And that is just as well.

In my last post, I mentioned 3 ladies: FL, MB, and FH.  I thought MB was no longer interested when she dropped out of sight.  Instead, I'd bet that one of two things happened: (1) MB had a date with someone more promising, or (2) MB got herself into a funk and was not in a good position to date.  However, I touched base the other day, and she responded this afternoon.  We exchanged a series of messages, and it looks like I'll be in a good position to see her again.  FH asked me to help her buy an air conditioner for her daughter's room, and I'll be seeing the daughter when I lug the machine into her apartment. This leaves FL. Yesterday (as I write this), I went on a date with her, and we spent a good part of the evening in each other's arms, talking on a park bench in Tarrytown after a nice riverfront dinner. Over dinner, FL mentioned that in a way, I am the best of both worlds: Someone who could be both a boyfriend and a girlfriend.  When I mentioned that I was thinking of leading a meetup to Innisfree Garden in Dutchess County, FL said she'd be interested in going with me.  I let her know that I'd be going as Marian, and she said she understood that. YAY!  But I now have a dilemma.  Is it time to start getting more intimate?

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I feel obligated to mention XGFJ in passing.  When we were fighting over meetups, I know I played my hand way too hard and I lost access to the one functioning dinner group in the Hudson Valley because of my ex.  However, I have access to the music group, and have effectively blocked her out because of her hatred of me as Marian.  The other day, I came off the wait list for a meetup, and she a couple of days later.  When she saw me as an attendee, she bailed, saying that she had made other plans.  I guess that as long as I am an active member in the music group, my ex will stay away.  I feel sorry for her.  She won't be free until she is able to see me again as Marian and confront her fears directly.  But that's not my concern - I have to make a decision on which one of the three ladies I've dated is worth gambling on, and if not, do I want to try for someone else?

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Over the past 8 months, I've been able to save a reasonable amount of money by working at the census bureau.  I have postponed taking time off from work for two reasons: (1) I want to save up as much money as I can while the census is willing to pay me to work, and (2) The pandemic has severely limited the number of places I can travel to without having to quarantine myself upon return. Recently, higher-ups in Washington have directed the census to stop counting people a month earlier than planned, as POTUS feels that the GOP will benefit from an under count in the urban (Blue) states. Today (as I write this), a judge has issued an order to temporarily stop preparations to end the census on September 30th, and continue with the "original" (pandemic adjusted) end date of October 31st.  If the October 31 date holds, I will likely save an extra month's salary (after expenses) and be better prepared for a time where I'm not working.

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And this brings me back to baseball.  Sooner or later, I have to choose which direction I want to go in my life and what I want to do when I get there.  Do I swing for the fences and go for a relationship where I can live as Marian 24x7?  Or, do I play "small ball" and take my gains when I can, but risking little in the process?  I tried the latter in my last relationship, and it didn't work out.  But maybe I can do a little better this time around.