Wednesday, August 19, 2020

Sometimes, I find people amazing. Today was one of these days.

Without mentioning names, someone from my past called me today.  No, it was not an ex of any type.  Instead, it was someone who dropped out of contact for reasons connected to exes of one sort or another.

Chatting with this acquaintance reminded me of why I found chatting with this person to be awkward.  This person is not that sensitive to social cues, and one has to perform abrupt conversational breaks to get words in edgewise.  But I wonder why this person came out of the woodwork now.  And I have my guesses that I won't publish here.

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I got to exchange messages with the 3 women I've dated recently.  Let's call them #1, #2, and #3 for now.  I've dated #1 several times, and she has commented on my lack of PDA.  Thinking back, I don't remember seeing my dad hold my mom's hand, and I think that's where I get part of my awkward style with women. There is one potential show stopper - she doesn't drive, and would need to use mass transit to reach me. I've dated #2 twice, and it looks like we'll get together again next week.  This is the woman who has met me while I'm presenting as female.  She's a decent woman, and I haven't detected any show stoppers - save that she has had dental problems.  Lastly, I dated #3 once, and she would normally have the most promise in a world where I were not transgender. She's pretty goal oriented in dating me (for lack of a better expression) and I think she might be OK when finding out about my nature.

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This week, I've been going to work in the evening, taking Friday off to take TCL to the hospital for a minor procedure.  While at work, I had the chance to chat with one of my coworkers, and she mentioned the possibility of working from home with the folks from her primary job.  Would I be interested?  Probably.  But it's all a matter of how much work I want to do.  And therein lies the question - how much work do I really want to do?

While at the office, I decided to take a break and go outside to connect with my friends in Texas.  I haven't been able to participate in the Zoom meetup for a while, and figured that things were slow enough to spend 15 minutes chatting with the group.  And, of course, I was in rare form.  Too bad that one woman I dated could never see this side of me bloom.

I figure that my current publishing schedule works for me right now.  No longer do I need to rush to the computer to write my daily posts - I know that my most recent ex was a little peeved at me spending as much time as I did near a computer.  And I'll bet that whoever is next in my life will want to be a little more touchy-feely than I was in my prior relationships.  (This is one of woman #1's complaints she voiced to me this morning.)  So, cutting back on blog posts may be an inexpensive part of the price I have to pay to have a better relationship than I had for the past few years.

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As much as I find people strange, I accept most people for what they are - flawed, and a little insane - just like me.  I miss a few of the people who have passed through my life. But I don't miss the "Sturm und Drang" that I had to deal with to get to this point in life. 

Sunday, August 16, 2020

It seems a little strange

It's funny how things have changed in the past few years....  The other day, I had plans to meet a woman for a date. Normally, this would not be an issue for me.  However, I was so comfortable in the casual female outfit I was wearing that I didn't want to change into male mode for this date.  What does this say about who and what I am becoming?  Although I finally changed into a pumpkin and went on the date, there was a part of me that missed being able to stay in my female presentation.  After spending Monday through Thursday working in female mode, it became hard for me to change into male mode - something I used to do much more often than I do now. 

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Recently, I received a message from the host of our Thursday night gaming group.  The family misses our weekly gaming sessions, and would like to host another outdoor session.  Hopefully, the weather will be good enough for a comfortable get together.  It will be nice to see everyone again.  I just wonder - what will winter be like?  Will they be comfortable having the usual gang in their house?  Or, will they play it safe and wait until there is a vaccine for the virus? 

Thinking about the gaming group, I'll soon be seeing one of the ladies from the group for lunch.  I have to treat this person with kid gloves, as I need to be sure if her intentions are friendship or something else.  I will entertain both options, but play the passive recipient of interest - showing my interest, but in a way that she has to initiate the next step forward.

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So far, none of the groups I'm really interested in (save Thursday night gaming) has had an in person meeting, other than the Live Music group.  And this group has several more meetings scheduled during the Summer - until the colder weather sets in.  Until then, I am registered for several meetups, while the ex girlfriend has stayed in her group for the most part.  And this suits me fine.  Sooner or later, our paths will cross and I will treat her civilly - as if I were meeting a total stranger.  (Actually, I'd be more friendly to the total stranger, as I'd have the possibility of making a new friend.  With the ex, I just want her out of my way so that she doesn't interfere with me participating in any other social activities.)

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WDJ came out of the woodwork a little, sending me this message a little over a week ago:

I'm going out today, need to shower, shampoo, get dressed etc & leave early so my time is limited. BUT if you give me a ph # where I can call you, I can talk a little bit-no gossip, just some straight up convo.
I wonder what's going on with her.  She has my phone number, so what does she want to talk about?  I know that she is now Facebook friends with the ex, so I wonder....

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Right now, I have 3, maybe 4, dating irons in the fire and I'll have to let some go soon.  The woman from Long Island is nice, but I'm not sure if there is enough chemistry there to make things work.  The woman I have seen twice in Marian Mode is nice, but I don't yet know enough about her to know what her baggage is.  And then, the woman I saw this Thursday is nice, has a similar set of goals as I do.  But can she accept me as Marian as well as Mario?  Of course, I should not forget the possibility of the woman from my gaming meetup - is she interested in me as more than a friend?  

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Given what 2020 has been like so far, I'd like to turn the clock back a few years and do a reset.  I spent too much time with someone who couldn't accept me for who I am.  I looked for work that I wasn't that interested (or qualified) in doing. And, I talked too much about someone else's life in my blogs.  I'd bet if I had made a few different decisions, I'd have been in a better place when 2020 came along.  Since there is no such thing as a working time machine, I guess I'll have to learn from my mistakes and prepare to make new and different ones....

Was she dead or alive? Inquiring minds wanted to know.

  I hadn't seen Pat in months, and I haven't been able to reach her by voice or text.  Given that she's 84 years old, I figured ...