I seem to be burning the midnight oil lately, not going to sleep early enough and waking up too early. Work is not easy for me these days, as it's hard to stay awake and do a mind numbing job.
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Last night, I figured that I was going to go home, relax a little, and enjoy my Zoom meetup with my Texas friends. Yet, it seemed like Grand Central station to me, as I did not manage my time well. This is a skill that I think I've lost in the years since I had to work a 9 to 5 job. (The census had a schedule, but it was not one of these jobs.)
The big question is: Will I get used to a schedule where I have to be up by 6 am? I need to do all the things required of me to present as a female when at work. In many ways, I am living the life of a woman with a body that was born with the wrong equipment. And this keeps getting in my way in subtle things such as having to shave every morning.
Yet, there are only a few things I'd change, one of them is living half and half, so that I could have a woman in my life who accepts me warts and all. Being Marian gives me energy. But being Mario can give me companionship. It's hard to find a middle ground, but it's a place I need to find to have optimal happiness....
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