The new car is finally mine!

 

Today, I felt like the day had more than 24 hours.  Not only did the night before allowed me just 4-5 hours of sleep.  But I felt like I needed to go back to bed for most of the day.

- - - - - -

The day started by me waking up early, and trying to go back to sleep without luck.  Given that I had a doctor's appointment at 10 am, I knew that it was going to be a long day for me.  So, I got showered and dressed as Mario, and off to town to see the doctor.  When I arrived, I found the place unusually empty, as if the doctor had come to the office for only a handful of patients.  

Lately, the doctor has had quite a few student interns from various medical programs assist him in his office.  Today, he had a new person, a young woman training to become a nurse practitioner.  And she introduced a different routine for the day, asking me a lot of questions that she could answer from looking at the doctor's records.  (She has to learn how to ask questions, as well as what questions to ask.  So I am not complaining.)  Then, the doctor came in, and asked his questions - and looked to put me on a new drug.  AARGH!  At least, I have renewed the supply of my old drugs, so the new prescription will have to wait.

Once done with the doctor, I returned home and prepared to remove the license plates from the old car, so that they could be placed on the new car.  Only one problem - I couldn't unscrew the fasteners holding the plates to the car, and I was in luck - my co-op's superintendent had just pulled into a vacant spot, and he was able to remove the plates with a little bit of effort.

- - - - - -

My next stop for the day was the car dealership.  Vicki came by around 1:30 pm, and off we went to complete the deal on the new car.  When I arrived, the salesman made sure to take a lot of pictures of me in front of my new car, and then started the process of showing me around the dealership before depositing me with the sales manager who sold me a couple of add-ons.  $1750 later, I was out the door, and the salesman showed me around the car, so that I could get the car home safely.  By then, Vicki was leaving, so I had the salesman to himself.  (Vicki noted that the fellow who sold her the car she was driving didn't take the time to make sure she knew the features on her car.  It's no wonder that he's now working at a used car dealership....)

When done with the salesman, I drove home to rest for a while.  And then, I got into a conversation with one of my neighbors.  It could lasted quite a bit longer, save for the fact that I looked at my watch and saw that I had to open the co-op's zoom meeting in 20 minutes.  So I rushed inside, and took care of co-op business for the next 2 hours.

- - - - - -

After the meeting ended, I was feeling exhausted.  But I figured that I'd make a run to BJ's as an excuse to see how well the car's automatic lights worked.  (There are a few things I have to be aware of with this setting, but I'll get used to it in time.)  What really gets to me is that I have to learn a whole new way to deal with the car's infotainment system and with its driver safety systems.  And this will also take some time.  (I just have to remember to turn the collision avoidance system off before going into a car wash, as the brakes will mistakenly hold the car in place to protect the car and what's in front of it....)

I think it's going to take a while to learn the ins and outs about the car, and I'd better be careful while doing so.

Another weekend with RQS - Day 3

 

 

Yesterday was a day spent as Mario.  Today was a day spent as Marian.  Who'd have thought that RQS would feel this comfortable with me as Marian?

- - - - - -

As we got up today, we knew that we'd be getting a Mani-Pedi at the same place.  I just wasn't sure of which nail salon we were going to until I remembered a special at one of the shops in town.  So I shaved my face, arms, legs, and the rest of my torso to look nice enough to go out as Marian.  So, around 2:00 pm, it was off to the nail salon in a local strip mall.

When we arrived at the shop, we ended up being asked to come back at 3:00, when staff was coming in for late afternoon appointments.  So it was off to the diner for a quick bite to eat.  While in the parking lot, she grabbed my hand as a PDA.  Did she realize it until I told her?  Who knows?  But I know she is comfortable with me as Marian, though she prefers to see Mario.

We got our meal, and we got back to the salon at 3:00 - and had a nice time as two girlfriends only can.  Yet, she made it clear that she wants to see Mario, and I will gladly comply.  All too soon, it was time to drop RQS off at the station, and for our weekend together to end.

I'm hoping that this will be one of many weekends together that include time as Marian, and maybe a trip or two together with me presenting as a female....

The detrius of someone's life

 

The other day, I saw this scooter put out in the trash area for bulk pickup.  Given that the scooter likely came from the belongings of a woman who died a few months ago, I feel a little sad seeing the scooter  here to be taken out with the trash..

We all get old, and we all die.  It's just a matter of how and when that these things happen.  For many of us, it's hard to get our heads around the idea of a time in which we won't exist.  Since our lives can end at anytime, it makes sense to plan for tomorrow, but live for today.

- - - - - -

This morning, I came home from a doctor's appointment and met my next door neighbor.  He said that he hadn't heard any noise coming from my apartment and hadn't seen my car move in several days.  If he hadn't seen me come in today, he might have called the police to check in on me.  This got me to thinking: What if something did happen to me?  Who'd care other than distant family and friends?

Right now, my apartment is a total mess.  I'd feel sorry for the people who would be responsible if I were to die suddenly, as they would need to figure out how I arranged things in my financial life and then clean out, freshen up, and sell my apartment.  So, I will need to take care of a few things while I still have the ability to do so.  (No, I don't expect anything to happen to me.  But how many of us do?)

As my readers know, I maintain two wardrobes.  I can only imagine what my brother would think if he saw what was in one of my closets.  Whoever handles the closeout of my life will be in for some surprises.  It's too bad that I won't be around to see their reactions....

A meetup that I didn't plan on attending.

 

Last night, I forgot to cancel a meetup.  So, instead of going home for the night to relax, I had dinner out at a local Hibachi steakhouse with the group.  

But first....

In the past, when most of my life was in male mode, I'd be rushing home to change into female clothing, apply my makeup, and transfer my legal id into my feminine wallet before going out for the evening.  Tonight, I drove home from work, changed into a dress, freshened up my makeup, and made sure that I had my ATM card in my purse.  Same stuff, but different starting wardrobe.

I made it to the restaurant on time, and saw several people that I knew from other meetups.  It was nice to see them again, as well as meeting someone new.  I was lucky that the people I most wanted to speak with were near me, as the noise from the kids in the other room made it almost impossible to be heard over the din.  Luckily, one of those 2 birthday parties ended by the time our main courses were served, and we were able to chat over dinner without shouting.

All too soon, the night ended, and I was back at home.  

- - - - - -

Tomorrow, my coach turns into a pumpkin.  It is possible that RQS and I go to the Museum of Sex.  If we do, we'll be sure to visit Super Funland.  (I'll let you follow the links on your own for more information.)

Postmodern Jukebox

 

This will be a short post, as I don't have too much to say today.

Today, I had to rush to do a week's worth of laundry, so that I could be ready for dinner with Vicki and to see Postmodern Jukebox in Tarrytown.  It was nice to get back into Marian mode for this trip, as I feel more comfortable in female mode than in male mode.  No, I'll never be mistaken for a pretty woman.  But at least, people will say that my clothes look good on me - as Vicki said tonight.

Vicki arrived 15 minutes later than originally planned, as I was running late with things in the apartment. As I was returning to the apartment to get our e-tickets, Vicki rang me to tell me she was here.  She was pleasantly surprised to see me coming out the front door as she hung up the phone, as I always seem to be late for the things we do.  And then, it was off to Tarrytown for both dinner and the concert. When we arrived in Tarrytown, we found that our favorite Indian restaurant was closed for good.  So we ended up going the the Green place down the block - and had no problem getting a table.  I told Vicki that I had Indian the night before, and she noted that it was just as well that we were forced to eat Greek tonight.

Once done at the restaurant, it was off to the theater, and they were still checking vaccination cards.  Both of us were lucky to have everything recorded online, and we went inside, not needing to wear masks.  YAY!  Even better, the seats we were in had much more legroom than the balcony seats that I was in the last time I was in the theater.  Better than that was the performances of the musicians and singers.  Wow!  This was a show well worth the money we paid for our tickets to attend.  I'd gladly pay the money to see this group of people perform again.

All too soon, it was time to go home and strip off my bra.  It was a long day, and sleepy-time comes quickly to me in my "old age".

A slow leak that has yet to be fixed

 

This morning, I found that the air pressure in my tire was dangerously low.  It may not have been this bad, but I knew I had to inflate the tire before driving to work.  So, off to the local gas station I went....  Arriving at the gas station, someone else was using the air pump, and he handed me the hose with about 30 seconds to spare on the vend.  The tire needed more air, so I dropped another 4 quarters into the machine, and filled my tire with 3 minutes of air.  Yet, this still may not have been enough.  You can bet that this car will be paying a visit to Mavis in the near future....

Now that I was late, it was a leisurely drive to the office.  I arrived 20 minutes late, but no one made mention of it.  If anyone complained, I'd say that I planned to make the time up at day end - which I did.  And it was another 8 hours of mind numbing work.  As usual, the first half of the day went slowly, but things went faster in the afternoon.  If I could only have the second half of the day, I'd be comfortable staying at this job for another 2 years.  But, with the agonizing mornings, I want to be out of there soon.  AARGH!

- - - - - -

And that leads me to thoughts on dating....

The other day, I told RQS about Marian and it is still something she has yet to experience before she can make any forward moves.  But things look good right now.  CWS may fall by the wayside, as she hasn't been available as much as I would like, given the time I have known her. Yet, I'm not closing any doors until I know how RQS reacts to Marian when she meets her in person.  (In this case, it pays for me to use the 3rd person for clarity.)  For me, it's a race to find the first decent catch that accepts me as Marian and Mario.  The one thing I will say - I will not "roach" either of these women.

Right now, I made a decision to suspend my OK Cupid account, as it would be way too tempting to swipe right and keep making superficial contacts with new women..  The way things go, I can get a refreshed list of women at any time if I need to go back into the dating pool.  No matter what happens with RQS and CWS, I think I'm going to take a break from meeting new women for dating.

 

 

PS: The tire is leaking air at a faster rate than in the past, probably due to the recent cold spell.  So it'll be off to Mavis on Thursday to see what they can do for me.

PPS: Mavis screwed up the appointment.  I'll have to put up with the leak for another week, or take off a day from work.

I shouldn't have bothered with the meetup tonight.

 

Lately, I've been feeling very tired, and I haven't had much energy to do much of anything when I get home.  But tonight was the first chance I've had in a while to go to one of my remaining meetup groups to "Celebrate" National Pizza Day.  So I said "to heck with it", and took the 1 hour drive to hang out with the group as Marian.  I wasn't prepared for a place so noisy that I could barely could make myself heard over the din.  Yet, I had a nice time.  But it wasn't worth the drive when I needed to catch up on my sleep. 

On the way home, I realized that I was feeling bloated, and have had way too many carbohydrates in my diet lately.  So I'll have to change this, so that I can fit into my dresses as spring approaches.  But if I were to get another job, it would likely be as Mario - and those dresses would still stay in the closet.  The big question is: Do I really want to keep working?  This job has triggered bad eating habits, and I have gained 10 lbs. over the past year.  Would I eat better if I were working at a job I enjoy more?  Would I eat better if I finally retired for good?  Who knows?  But I know one thing: I shouldn't have gone to the meetup tonight or pigged out on pizza....

Ennui - It's part of what I've been dealing with for the past 2 years.

En·nui
noun: ennui

a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

"he succumbed to ennui and despair"

- - - - - -

I'm not sure of whether I was experiencing ennui before I broke up with my last serious girlfriend. But I certainly felt it after we broke up.  As BB King titled one of his songs, "The Thrill is Gone."  Or, it has been for a while for me.  It was important for me to find something to excite me, and I was lucky not to fall into the rabbit hole of abuse of mind altering substances.  I had to identify and confront my feelings during the past two years.

The act of going to work in Marian mode was a thrill at first. But now, it's simply a matter of personal comfort and preference.  The problem is that I want romance, and for that, I have to live in both modes. It doesn't bother me to go out as Mario.  It's simply that I prefer going out as Marian.  But this is not the cause of my ennui.

When I was young, a lot of things excited me.  Now, I take many things in stride, knowing that any excitement I get is only momentary.  My last cruise invigorated me, but it was a great let down when I had to come home and go to work the next day.  Now that I have a bucket list cruise on my docket, I an looking forward to the change of pace it will deliver.  I will be in a much better mood when I travel, as I will be a little bit out of my comfort zone - and being energized because of that.

Each time I go to work, I end up being depressed for the first part of the day.  The repetitive nature of my work puts me to sleep, and I want to be doing something different if I have to wake up so early.  Yet, by the time afternoon comes, I am more energized, and I can sail through the rest of the day without many problems.  Is the job worth the money I get for doing it?  I'm not sure.  Sooner or later, I will quit this job, and I know I will feel relief.  Yet, it may put me into the funk I felt in 2000 when the Covid shutdown took place.

- - - - - -

2002 leaves me looking forward to change.  I just hope that I feel more energized soon....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wish I could take this cruise again.

 

This is a cruise I wish I could take again.  Not only was it the first cruise I had taken in over 20 years without a travel partner, but it was a cruise on which I made a new friend.

- - - - - -

In my old blog, I documented this cruise in more detail than I will detail here.  Not only did I mention issues related to cruising with my former cruise partner, but the details of this cruise now seem to have melded with details from other cruises.  Instead, I'll note the highlights, and remember this cruise fondly.

In the past, FCP would either have someone drop us off at the cruise terminal, or park at the terminal herself.  This can be cost effective for short cruises when two or more people are traveling.  But it is not so for someone traveling alone on a long cruise.  For someone like me, it makes more sense to take the train into NYC, then taking a cab to the cruise terminal. If I spend $60 each way to get to/from NYC Pier 88, I have still saved $160 that I could spend on drinks onboard the ship.  Until I am traveling with someone again, I expect that this is the way I will go between my apartment in Croton and the Manhattan cruise terminal.

On this cruise, I met two people, one of which I still communicate with.  First is a singer, Katy Setterfield, with whom I had several great conversations before she left my ship to perform on another ship.  Sadly, we lost contact, and I haven't heard of her performing in public venues since then.  The other was my pen pal, LKC from Canada.  Although we haven't seen each other since this cruise, we've stayed in contact in the 3 years since.

There is a part of me that wishes that I did the cruise in Mario Mode.  That would have made it possible for me to visit the islands of St. Kitts, Barbados, St. Lucia, and Antigua.  But many of the islands hold LGBT travelers in disdain, and I didn't want to risk getting trouble in a foreign land.  So traveling as Marian eliminated some of the places where I'd have liked to get off the ship and walk around.  But if I had done this, I'd never have met the two people who made this trip enjoyable.

 

 

As much as I'd like to go on this cruise, I can't do so.

 

A year and a half ago, I was thinking of a Panama Canal cruise that went from New York City to Seattle. This cruise route is no longer being offered, and I doubt it will be offered until 2025 at best.  So the above route is the best alternative I can find that does both a full transit and will bring the total cost of the trip in at a price under $5,000 (at the time I'm writing this entry).

Now that I'm sailing alone, I have to focus on being more frugal than I was a couple of years ago.  Although this cruise sails out of Florida and ends in California, I can fly to Florida, meet up with a friend or two, then sail to San Francisco (via the canal), and then fly home with minimal difficulty.  However, this would be a trip made in Mario Mode.  So I'd leave all my feminine trappings at home.  

This trip would have one big advantage - I could change my plans and have a new travel partner come with me.  If I'm very lucky, a woman with whom I've had a few dates will be coming with me, as we share the same interests in trips.  But I'm not counting chickens before they hatch - I'm still waiting for the eggs to be laid.

As I said, I won't be going on this cruise.  One of these two conditions will be true: (1) I'll still be employed by the firm where I work now, or (2) I'll be working in a new organization.  Either way, conditions will make it impossible for me to take this trip in 2022.  And, I'm not sure if I want to take this bucket list cruise in the same year that I want to take my Hawaii cruise.

I finally went to a Hudson Valley Meetup and found the group owner is stepping down.

 

This is a happy and sad post at the same time.  The other night, I went to a meetup with a friend.  Tonight, I found out that the hostess of this group is leaving in October.  One less group in the Hudson Valley that I want to go to.  I'll have to give my ex-girlfriend credit - she chose to keep me out of the one group that survived Covid using methods that I consider unethical.  But then, she's very afraid of dealing with her feelings if she were to see me in person again.

But I don't want to dwell on the past - only reference it.

Now that the worst of the pandemic seems to be over, people are starting to attend meetup groups in person again.  This is a good thing.  There is a new group that I might choose to attend soon.  It'll be much better for me to go there than to schlep into Connecticut.  And yet, I'm not planning on filling my calendar with meetups.  I don't want to get addicted to going out.  Instead, I want to start nourishing my soul again, visiting museums (for one thing) without worrying about whether I'd be missing out on human connections. 

Lately, I've been seeing a lady (as Mario) that knows of my existence as Marian, and hasn't yet run away from me.  No, I don't think we'll be a couple for the long term.  But I'm working on developing a relationship (as friends) that will survive the end of dating.  The other day, I read an article  (Most romantic relationships start as friendships, study finds) on CNN's website.  I want to date the kind of person who I'd want to have as a friend first, and not the kind of person I'd get bored with quickly, and this article helped me understand why I do so.  There are other women I'm chatting with that I have yet to meet.  And I'm holding out some hope that one of them may like the overall package I'm offering when the time comes to see them....

https://www.cnn.com/2021/07/20/health/romantic-relationships-start-as-friends-wellness/index.html

It's nice to be able to play games on a Thursday night again

 

It's been almost a month since I've been able to join the group playing games in Yonkers.  And it was great fun being there, even though I had to leave early so that I could go to work early the next morning.  

- - - - - -

Like one person I know, for whom going to her meetups are like going to church, this meetup is like a church for me.  It's where I feel at home.  Unlike that person, I wouldn't be bothered if she were to come to my meetup and meet the welcoming people there.  It is a warm and friendly bunch of people.

I have a simple rule of thumb that I will use to determine whether a person is a good fit for me.  First, will she accept me both as Mario and as Marian?  And if so, would she fit in with this group of people.  Unlike the girlfriend in my last relationship, I will invite the special person in my life to join me now and then.  I won't want for that person to feel excluded from my life.

- - - - - -

Why do I reference the past here?  Well, even when one is looking forward, one has to look in the rear view mirror to make sure that what's in the past stays there.  If the connection between two points is a line, then I want to make sure that I'm heading in the right direction, and not doubling back on my path.

Right now, I'm seeing a nice lady.  But I don't think she'll be the right person for me.  She's not as well versed in as many things as I am, things that help to define the popular culture of the age in which we grew up.  For example, I don't expect a potential partner to have watched as many movies as I have.  But I do expect that partner to know that "As Time Goes By" comes from the movie "Casablanca."  I would expect that woman to know that "When I'm sixty four" is a classic Beatles' tune.  I could go on and on, but I'd be making this person sound much worse than she is.  And I don't want to do her an injustice.  (There is one red flag that I can not ignore, but I won't mention it here right now.)

Compared to last year, things are looking up for me in the dating department.  There are some people I'll want to keep as friends.  And there are some people who are total bores.  Over time, I expect that things will work themselves out.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

A second night out with a new meetup group

 

 

 

As you can see, I'm having a great time with the girls.  This is the second time I've been with this meetup group, and I've been made to feel welcome again.  Yes, it's a group that Mario could have attended, but I fit in much more as Marian, with the exception of my size.  (It's another reason for me to figure out how to lose some weight.)

 

Some people wonder why I'd have rather been born with a female body.  It's not extreme dysphoria as some transgender people suffer.  Instead, it's the social role of women - they are the glue that hold societies together.  Their conversations are more interesting, and they often involve the nitty gritty of life that men usually ignore.  (Don't get me wrong, I'd have rather had all the inconveniences and headaches of being a typical woman in order to have lived life as one.) 

I figure that one day, I'll have to make some hard choices.  Until then, I'll have an interesting life observing how different and/or similar life is on both sides of the gender coin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This chicken crossed the road to get some food....

 

This chicken did more than cross the road today.  But then, he knew that he could scarf up a lot of fatty food hanging out near people at the Walkill Valley Winery.

- - - - - -

This weekend was one spent in Mario mode.  Just as well.   It makes it easier for me to go dating.  But there are some people with whom I don't feel comfortable talking about my dating life - and one of them has been upset at me for not opening up about this. Recently, I told this one person about FH, saying that I had an argument with someone who was too comfortable with confrontation, and that I decided to shut FH out from my life.  What I didn't say is that FH wrote me another text today noting that I shouldn't have cut her off without explanation after a year of being together, and saying that I need psychological help. I also didn't say that I have a letter I am sending her via snail mail to explain my feelings in regard to our argument.  One thing I will say is that if I am in an argument and that the woman doesn't listen to me when I say that if she continues along this path, that I will sever communication with her - that I mean what I say even in the heat of an argument.

Saturday was a day spent with a woman I'll call LMW.  We agreed to get together at 1:30-2, and we were together until almost midnight.  I have to be careful of going too far with her until I know I want to pursue the relationship.  Sunday was a day spent with a woman I'll call AMH.  We met at the winery at 1:00, and spent 3 1/2 hours there, enjoying some food, some wine, and some music.  Unfortunately, the trip home was marred by Sunday traffic on the bridges crossing the Hudson.  Right now, I won't say too much more about either of these women, save that they are nice women and would be decent choices for me.

Tomorrow, I go back to work.  I'm starting to feel more comfortable in regard to my job.  But I know that I'll have an awkward chat with my boss when it's time for me to move on with my life....

I woke up early, and wished I could wake up late

 

Last night, I went to sleep early in an attempt to recharge after a long weekend.  However, my body clock had its own way, and woke me up almost 2 hours earlier than I wanted.  So, again, I was barely awake as I did my job in the morning, and became more awake as the day went on.

As Covid-19 worries recede into the past, people are starting to go in to their offices again.  This means that there is much more traffic on Route 9a heading South, and many more times that traffic will get screwed up by either an accident or a series of ultra slow moving vehicles.  (Garbage trucks and cement mixers come to mind here.)  So, getting out of the house by 7:15 may not be a viable choice anymore, if I want to get to work on time with time enough to get my breakfast sandwich.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should have taken this job in Mario mode.  I feel much better in a feminine presentation these days.  (I'm not uncomfortable as Mario.  I simply prefer to go out in the world as Marian, as I feel freer in a woman's role than in a man's role.)    The extra 30 minutes it takes for me to get ready to go out in the world as Marian is a small price for me to pay.

After work, I chatted with TCL, and then with FH.  However, I never made it to call any of the other women on my list, as I didn't have it in me to chat much.  Yet, I made it to my Tuesday night Zoom meeting with my friends in Texas.  This left me with no time to take care of any of the other items on my to-do list.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a day that I can catch up on things....

Mavis Tires - The second, but not final visit.

 

You might wonder why I show pictures of a car's exhaust system.  Well, the long pipe connecting the engine to the rest of the exhaust system failed, along with the parts closest to the tail pipe.  Yesterday, I brought the car to Mavis Tires, expecting to have the work completed by the end of the day.  However, the parts supplier couldn't get the parts to Mavis on time to get me out the door by 5.  So I was told to come back after work to get this work done and to get my wallet emptied.

Whenever I get work done on my car, I go as Mario.  Yesterday, this meant a quick stop at home to change into Marian before going to work.  Today, it meant changing into Mario after work before going to Mavis.  So I had to plan out my day very carefully.

- - - - - -

This morning, the Route 9A Southbound traffic jam from Croton to Route 134 was much worse than usual for 7:20 am.  Cars were bunching up at the end of the bridge out of Croton, and I had to take side roads to bypass much of the jam.  Another jam was around Route 133, and I had to again reroute to side roads instead of getting stuck in traffic.  If I didn't know the alternative routes on side roads, I'd never have made it to work on time.  But I did lose my chance to have a cup of coffee before starting work.

At lunchtime, I received the following message from WDS:

Hello Dear Friend,

1. My brain may recover, but there are no promises. The pressure of the two hemorrhages between my cranium and brain has already killed a whole bunch of brain cells.

2. I'm staying at a house that I rent. No, please don't try to help me. I don't want to live forever, and I definitely don't want to survive as a vegetable. Quality of life is very important to me. Remember that I have had personal experience with that subject and that I understand it well.

3. No, thank you. I get tired easily, and I have to allocate my efforts to selected activities.

I appreciate your friendship and offer to help, but this is an end of life state. I must choose the right path for me at the right time. 

Hopefully when the time comes, he will have someone near him to keep him company as he starts his trip to the great unknown.  Also, I hope that he has someone lined up to inform his friends and family of his demise.

Next, I received a text from FH that something was wrong, and she wanted to talk this evening.  It seems like she wanted more time to talk with her friend, and asked me to come for dessert instead of a midday dinner.

After 8 hours of playing digital "Whack-a-Mole", I was tired and ready to go home.  Instead, I could only stop there long enough to clean myself up, change clothes, and then go to Mavis.  While at Mavis, I texted Vicki, and she picked me up for an unplanned dinner at Panera Bread.  So, at 7:30, I returned to Mavis with a hope that my car would be ready.

My hopes for a quiet car were dashed when I was told that the pipe at the end of the muffler (see bottom left photo) was about 5 inches too short.  It couldn't connect with the rest of the tailpipe.  So I ended up with a noisy car that will have to take me up to see a friend tomorrow.  At least, the fellow assures me that this will be fixed for good on Saturday morning.  Damn.  It would be the only day I could wake up late, and now I can't do so.  AARGH!

Tomorrow, I'll be meeting up with Maria #2 after work.  It'll be nice to catch up with her again.

Until I find my new normal, I look both ways....

 

I often find myself thinking of mistakes I made in the past and what I could have done differently.  No, I can not change the past, nor do I regret many of the decisions I have made.  Instead, I want to learn as much as possible from my past, and make sure that I don't make similar mistakes in the future.

- - - - - - 

When crossing a road, we are taught to look both ways before crossing.  Now, I look both at the past and my future to figure out what I want to do next in life.  For example, I looked at my most recent past relationship, and realized that I needed to place a higher emphasis on communication in a relationship, instead of just getting along too smoothly.  I also look at the future, and wonder if someone like FH would be what I need.  She is not shy about making her needs known to me, and can drive me up the wall sometimes while doing so - and I'm glad she can do this, given the failure of my recent past.

I also wonder whether I should stay in the workforce as a full time worker, and whether I would work as Mario or Marian.  If I were to get a receptionist or office worker type position, I want to work as Marian.  There is something I like about appearing as a professional woman that fits my image of myself as Marian.  Yet, I like the image of a technical worker that I was as Mario. Which path should I choose if both were to be open to me at the same time?

It's not easy making these decisions, as I will have to live with them for a long while.  But I am glad that I'm in a position to make these decisions, instead of being held back by fear.

Not much to say today

 

 

Today was a dreary day, where I wanted to stay in bed all day.  And for the most part, that's what I did until I had to get up and start taking care of laundry for the week.

- - - - - -

Normally, I try to get my weekly chores done on Sunday, as I reserve Saturday for being with friends. Some of these Saturdays, you'll find Mario going out on a date, hoping to make another love connection with someone who could become special.  Other Saturdays, you'll find me spending time with a friend, just to keep from getting too lonely.

Given that it was wet and foggy outside, I decided to go outside as Mario - only to shop for a few lunches I could eat during the week at work, and to go downstairs to wash a load of colors.  (I can do whites during the week, as I now spend 5-6 days per week as Marian, and don't need them as much.) Soon, I expect that I'll see the new resident in both of my modes.  But I was glad I didn't see her today, as her dad was helping her move in. (He used to work on my car until I got better scheduling of regular maintenance from other shops.)  Sometime later this year, I'll see if she wants to be part of the board, as she suggested that she'd be willing to help out with things.

Towards mid evening, I worked with a fellow board member, and showed her the ropes of using zoom for a meeting.  Now, she has the tools to run a meeting without my assistance - and that's a load off my back.

It's hard to believe how much things have changed.

There's a certain timeless twisted quality in the movie UHF that defies description.  It's a great spoof of the nature of (then) UHF TV, where most stations made their money by showing reruns.  Today, all broadcast TV is digital, and there is no physical difference between what were UHF stations, and the original VHF stations - they all share the same area of spectrum reserved for broadcast TV signals.  Yet, when one gets past the technology used to deliver media to people, the gags still work. In the image above, the man at the right is asking for "change"  One man gives him a penny (later found to be a valuable 1909-S VDB penny), while Weird Al's character gives him $1.00 in change, and receives a $1.00 bill in exchange for it.  "Change?" My favorite gag from the film involves a shipment of Badgers for "Raul's Wild Kingdom."  When Raul sees the Badgers, he says: "Badgers?  Badgers?  We don't need no stinking Badgers!"  Raul's show stinks, but it's popular - just like many UHF shows of the past.

Why do I mention "Change?"  Well, I never thought I'd be working in female mode.  Now, I'm employed for the second time as Marian.  If I had been able to get another technology job, I'd have worked as Mario.  But, since these jobs are not open to me right now, why not work as a female and enjoy how many people react to me? If the ex had stayed in my life, I never would have taken this step - romance was always more important to me.  She never understood that, and never will. But that's water under the bridge now.

Because of my new job, I have started wearing clothing more typical of the average American female.  Instead of wearing dresses all the time, I'm wearing tunics with leggings, or long sweaters over trouser like garments.  I seem to be blending in better than I did in the past.  I truly have a foot in each of the male and female worlds.  And this is a good thing....

 

Sunday tends to be my day to take care of weekend chores.

This is what my laundry basket feels to me at the end of the week.  With the exception of one day (or two) which I must go out in the world as Mario, virtually all the clothes in my laundry basket are for Marian. This is a good thing, as I am able to live most of my week as a woman, and enjoy my time both as Marian and as Mario.

- - - - - -

Today, I had 2 things on the docket.  First, I had to buy pre-made meals for lunch at the office. Then, I had to do some laundry so that I'd have something clean to wear during the week.  However, I neglected to do some items, and this will force me to do another load later in the week.  But I digress....

This was not the day to go out and do anything.  It was rainy when I went out to Wegmans, and I ended up spending more money than I planned.  To make things worse, I wanted to get some extra cash from the ATM, and Chase's machines were down at my branch.  (I have no idea whether the whole network was down or not, but this is an inconvenience that justifies my maintenance of more than one checking account for cash withdrawals.

When I finally got around to doing laundry, I forgot a few tops that needed washing.  This is the type of problem a transgal has if she builds up a wardrobe geared to be an office worker, and suddenly finds work in a factory like setting.  Although I have a couple of tops on order, I have to keep all of then clean for work.  So I use all 5 tops I have, and wash them on weekends.  Unfortunately, I forgot to wash some of these tops, so it neccisitated use of a second wash cycle to get these tops ready for the coming week.  It is similar to what I needed to do when presenting as a male.  However, I couldd get away with doing things as a male that I can't do as a female.  So, I'm extra cautious when keeping up my appearances as a female.

Hopefully, by next week I'll have settled into a simple weekend routine.