My apartment used to look something like this in the not so distant past. However, when the pandemic struck, everything changed in my life. One of those things was an incentive to keep things tolerably neat. Now, I'm trying to eliminate much of the clutter that has taken over this place.
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Right now, the space behind the loveseat is being used for storage. However, it is a manageable accumulation of boxes stored in the least worthwhile area of the apartment. And most of this will be moved into my storage compartment downstairs when I've cleaned that out.
My closets are showing more open space than I've had in years. Yet, there is so much more pruning I have to do. Ideally, I'll only need one tall dresser/chest and one closet to hold each of my masculine and feminine wardrobes. But until then, I'll have to gradually build donation bags from clothing I haven't worn in a season or two.
When I started this cleanup process, it was a bit overwhelming. There is light at the end of the tunnel - but it's so far away. I figure that there is a lot more that I can get rid of before this place starts to feel like the home it was for me when I moved in here 40+ years ago. But then, like many baby boomers, I thought that this would be a stepping stone purchase - I'd eventually own a house that could hold all of the stuff that I'd accumulate over the years.
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I guess that the same thought process goes for maintaining one's health as well. One can not do everything all alone. The impetus to finally to do the work on this apartment wouldn't have been there, had RQS not been in my life and been in the same position in life. We work well together. Years ago, my former cruise partner (FCP) wanted a diet and exercise buddy - something I wasn't prepared to do. There was a certain desperation in communicating this need for a partner, and I knew I wasn't in a position to help her out. She would eventually have Bariatric surgery, as well as skin reductions to make her body reflect who she wanted to be.
So, this leads to the question: Who do I want to be? To answer that takes a lot of hard work. To welcome people into my life, I have to have a home worth visiting. That involves apartment cleanup and some help. Something similar is needed to get my body into shape. Will I do anything as drastic as my former cruise partner? No. I saw how miserable she felt in the early days after her surgery, and I felt bad when I saw her binge eating afterward. She dealt with the symptoms, and not the underlying problem. I want to deal with both the underlying problem and its symptoms.
Over the years, I've learned that I need to be able to be out as Marian. I would never have been happy if several of my previous romantic relationships got further than rolls in the hay. I'll always be grateful to FCP for her help at the beginning of my journey. Yet, to continue along this path, I had to go it alone. Sadly, the way it happened was not a good thing. But I'll bet that she's better off having been forced to open herself up to the world a little.
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In the end, I'll end up being the person I want most - who and whatever that person may be.
