Filling out paperwork for my next cruise.

 

A while back, I decided to buy stock in two cruise line corporations: NCL Holdings and Carnival corp.  Although both stocks have given me acceptable market appreciation, I may have gained more by taking advantage of the benefits that each shareholder can receive by filling in a form.  Today, I mailed out forms to give me $350 worth of cruise credits ($100 for my first cruise and $250 for my second cruise taken on Princess this year.)

Over the past couple of years, I have already received $500 of onboard credits from NCL and Carnival.   I expect that over time, these stock purchases will have paid for themselves in cruise credits alone.  The only reason that I didn't buy RCCL when I bought these stocks is that I didn't want to pony up $6,000 to own shares in a company whose products I don't use.  (I'm not knocking RCCL.  Instead, I simply didn't want to take the risk of investing this much money in a firm when I wasn't sure of when cruise line business would recover.)  All 3 corporations have performed well over the past 2 years, so I have nothing to complain about.

I am not addicted to cruising.  It is an inexpensive way to get away for a week or two and chill out.  I enjoy not having to drive when visiting a new city.  But I wish cruise ships spent more time in each port, so that I could see more of the associated city.  For example, last year's California Coastal cruise spent two days in San Francisco.  This gave cruisers a goodly amount of time to explore this great city.  This year's cruise will spend only one day in San Francisco, far from enough time to take in "Fog City's" beauty.

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When I first started making cruises a standard option for my vacations, my former cruise partner (FCP) encouraged me to go on these cruises as Marian.  The ships were good places for me to practice and develop my feminine presentation.  Given that I'd never see most of these people again, it didn't matter what these people thought of me.  I just had to be careful at which ports I'd get off the ship for shore excursions.

One of my next two cruises will be in Marian mode.  I can't wait to take it, although I'll be spending the day before the cruise as Mario when I see my uncle in his nursing home.  As for the other cruise, I'll be presenting as Mario for over two weeks.  You can bet that as soon as I get home from this cruise, that I'll rush to my closet to figure out what dress I'll wear the day afterward.....

I find myself more interested in travel than before

 

When I was married, my late wife and I would take yearly vacations and not go too far from home.  The only places more than a day's drive away that we visited were California and Nova Scotia.  I think that had she lived (and our marriage had survived), we would have found a way to travel more.  However, that's one thing among many things that is impossible to know.

After my wife died, I had a good income and I found myself traveling to widows/widowers gatherings across the country, organized by AOL chat room hosts.  For the most part, I was looking to meet friends, while others were looking to find new mates.  That pattern continues today with me attending meetups.  But I digress....

Over the years, I found myself flying out to places such as Biloxi, MS; San Jose, CA; and Pigeon Forge, TN.  Yet, I only found myself traveling out of the country on the two cruises I took and on the trips I took to Niagara Falls and Toronto.  I never put my desire to travel into high gear, and visited places that were truly far and wide.  Without someone with whom to share my experiences, I feel that I might have been afraid to take the risk of leaving my comfort zone.

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When the Twin Towers were attacked on 9/11/01, two of my colleagues from the bank were caught outside the US.  One was North of the border visiting Montreal and the other was vacationing in Salzburg, Austria. They were stuck outside the US until our government figured out what to do. I could only imagine what they were thinking, not being able to come home when they planned to do so.  As for me, I was one of many people tasked with getting our bank up and running after losing our data center in that disaster.  Although I was safe at home, travel seemed a bit scary.  Yet, within 6 months, I went to another widows/widowers gathering in Las Vegas, NV.

It wasn't until my former cruise partner (FCP) suggested it in the 2010's that I took my third cruise.  And I found that I enjoyed the experience, as it was comfortable and allowed me to leave my comfort zone a bit, because I started traveling as Marian.  Yes, I got some strange looks.  But it forced me to learn how to overcome my fears and be the person I am today.

Although my upcoming Norwegian Fjord cruise will be done as Mario, I figure that it is time to get out of my comfort zone again (albeit, just a little) and experience overseas travel.  Who knows?  It could become addicting....

One more night to go....

 

I got my Mani-Pedi, money from the bank, and I'm now almost done with packing for the cruise.  This will be the first cruise I've taken as Marian since my Hawaii trip.  And I'm looking forward to it.  Yet, I will likely NOT get off the ship, as none of the ports protect my right to go out as Marian.

So, why am I taking this cruise?

The answer is relatively simple.  I want to spend some time as Marian and try out a new cruise line at the same time.

Right now, I'm almost packed and ready to go.  I still have to find things such as a lanyard, and water shoes.  But that's about it.  Given the weather that's going to be coming up the coast, I expect that I must be prepared for anything.  One thing I'm sure of is that we're not going North or East.  South is the only practical direction at this time of year.

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Regardless of how well this new cruise line performs, I don't think I'll be a regular customer for their cruises.  This line sails out of New York and Florida (for the most part) for its North American routes, and I've seen enough of the Caribbean to last a lifetime.  If anything, I want to explore sites on the West Coast, something this line doesn't do yet.

The more I vacation as Marian, the less I want to go out as Mario.  Sooner or later, I'll have to do something about my legal ID to make it easier to travel as Marian.  Yes, I've said this before, and I'll say it again. It is very important to me that I be able to travel in any presentation that I see fit to be in.  This is one of the times I "sorta" wish that I still had FCP as a traveling partner.  She'd back me up if I were to go through a port with Mario's ID and got hassled by the local authorities.  But that chapter in my life is in the past, and we no longer are in contact.

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So, instead of making a long post, I'll get back to packing.....

I'll have returned from my cruise when you read this.

Although I wish I could go on a Hawaii cruise again this year, it is not to be.  The prices are right, and I could have booked airfare at a reasonable price.  (Un)fortunately, RQS and had  booked a Bermuda cruise for this time of year, and I had booked another cruise for two weeks after that.

As I write this, I am about to take a Bermuda cruise with RQS, and have started preparing for our trip.  Unlike previous cruises, we are going to the cruise terminal from my place, and we both think it will be an easier trip than taking an Uber from the middle of Queens.  This will be our first time in Bermuda, and I am looking forward to the experience.  Sadly, I will be traveling as Mario, and not my authentic self.

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Last night, I exchanged a set of messages with someone I've known for years, but am no longer close to.  We caught up with what was going on with our families, and chatted about what our plans were for Thanksgiving.  (I'll be eating my holiday meal on the ship, while she will be with family.)  What was of interest was that FCP was also in contact with her lately.  Rather than say too much, I noted what FCP had to say to me a few weeks ago, and that I didn't encourage or discourage future communication.

Later in the evening, I discussed this with RQS, and noted that I had a similar conversation with Vicki the night before.  Vicki has stronger feelings than I do about what happened several years ago, and feels that I have grown in ways I never could have grown had these people stayed an active part of my life. And in this regard I agree with her.

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When I cruise alone, I usually get a chance to reset what is going on in my mind and relax.  When I cruise with someone else, this process is broken.  I still relax, but my thoughts are not reset.  Yet, I am comfortable with this.  Having someone to share an experience with is important. And I'm glad that RQS will be with me on the cruise this time....

Dinner with Vicki - Alone

 

Tonight was the second night of the Hudson Valley Restaurant week dinner promotion, where a group of restaurants would serve fixed price dinners to show off what these restaurants can do (and get future customers as a result).  This time, the HVRW choice did not disappoint us, and I made a joke about it to one of the bus boys.  

But first....

It took the better part of an afternoon, but they finally figured out why my TPMS idiot light kept turning on.  To put it short, after resetting the car's diagnostic history, everything worked well, and the light hasn't come on since.  However, this got in the way of me getting my nails done for dinner tonight with Vicki, as I had to stay in male presentation for the better part of the day.  

Around 5 pm, I changed into a blue striped dress on which that Vicki later would pay me a compliment. Once ready for dinner, I drove over to Vicki's, and a few minutes later, we were at the Char steakhouse in Mahopac, NY.  (I knew the area well from my many trips to see FCP.  But I digress.)  It took us a while to find a parking spot, but we got lucky - the lot was overflowing when we arrived, and I snagged a spot as someone was coming out.  Since it was only a short walk to the front door, I could have left my wool coat in the car, but I decided to bring it inside with me.

I will start off by mentioning the one bad thing I could think about in regard to this restaurant. Instead of entering directly into the restaurant area where a host(ess) would greet us, then have someone show us to our table, we had to walk through the bar area, and then across part of the dining area to meet our hostess. (I don't think this is a normal setup for the restaurant, as I think they wanted to gain an extra few tables for use during HVRW.)  Once we checked in with the hostess, we were promptly seated and served both bread and water.  (Our menus also came at that time.)  A minute or two later, we placed our drink order, and took a few minutes to decide on what to have for dinner.  Vicki noticed a nice thing - within 60 seconds of my water glass being emptied, it was refilled without me having to ask for anything. Our waiter was very pleasant, and he treated me like the lady I was presenting myself as tonight. Service was efficient, friendly, polite, and professional.  Unlike our last HVRW, everything was top notch.  So, on our way out, Vicki took the time to pay a compliment to the waiter, letting him know that we appreciated his good service.

What can I say about the food?  The salads we had were delicious, as well as the strip steaks we ate (at a $6 up charge).  Although the cheesecake served was smaller than the average slice, its quality was up there with the steaks we just finished.  Would I go back there again?  Yes.  .But it will be when I have the money to spend on a good steak dinner.

On the way home, Vicki and talked of many things.  XGFJ came to mind, then FCP.  No, I won't go into the details of that part of the conversation here.  Let's just say that Vicki said that I've grown a lot in the past 4 years, and that RQS and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time for each other. In regard to RQS, Vicki mentioned that she has the best of both worlds in me, as she has Mario as a boyfriend, and Marian as a great gal pal. 

For auld acquaintance be forgot....

 

In a way, this post is a birthday card to a former friend, and commentary on peaceful communications that have taken place over the past few months.....

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I have mentioned my former cruise partner in many a post, and wish we had found a way to bridge the gulf between us. Sadly, this did not happen.  A few months ago, she wrote me an email to say that she was glad that I have a solid relationship with RQS.  In the past week or so, she wrote me in regard to weight loss.  No, I don't think it's an attempt to rekindle a friendship.  To do that, she'd have to send me an email and suggest getting together over coffee (or something similar). But I do appreciate the communication, and wanted to wish her a Happy Birthday today, as I know that she reads this blog now and then.

There are friends of mine that I haven't seen in years.  One of which was the best man at my wedding. What I found interesting was that before he encamped to Florida a decade ago, he gifted me a top of the line, fully loaded iPad which I still use today.  Yet, he makes no effort to initiate contact with me.  Until recently, I didn't even have a phone number for him.  Still, I miss him very much.

Other friends are the types who are transitional in nature.  One of these friends (JS) was a woman who was very needy and destroyed her security for the sake of her children.  She had virtually no home equity when I met her, and she didn't have a good plan for her retirement.  Before she encamped to Florida, she had taken a job as a principal of a girl's school in Coney Island while living in Ridgefield, CT.  It was an unsustainable commute for her, and one which was destroying her health and her car's life.  Even her (then) financial advisor had to "read her the riot act" to get this woman's attention, and still, she didn't listen.  She now lives in Florida, is caught up in the MAGA cult, and is oblivious to reality.  I mention her, simply because she was a catalyst for trouble, and whoever tried to help her ended up having to abandon her because of her self destructive actions.

It is much harder to develop closeness as one gets older.  And I have lost several close friends over the years, friends I once could call on (when needed) for favors.  Some of my current friends will do these favors for me (such as driving me to/from a colonoscopy, etc.), but only if it works with their schedules.  It's not the same as when I was married, and could count on my wife to be there for me.  (I still miss her after 27 years.) But I've made do, by searching for a new love and finding one in RQS.  It's just a damned shame that she can't drive.  Yet, nobody's perfect.

As I get older, the more I realize that real wealth is the quality of friendships that one has.  And I am very grateful for the ones who are in my life....

Giving away some wigs - a quick post

 

The other day, I found a couple of wigs of the style (and quality) I used to wear when I first started going out as Marian.  By the standard of wigs I wear today, these were the equivalent of cheap costume jewelry. Although the style looked good on me, I would have to replace the wig on a monthly (or even, a bi-weekly basis) to be wearing something that looks good on me.

Years ago, I started wearing inexpensive wigs that cost $60 or so.  They served my purpose way back when, but I knew I needed to wear something better.  So, I graduated to wearing wigs in the $300-$400 range, and replacing them every 6 months or so.  (I still can't believe that one of my current wigs still looks OK after 9+ months of wear.  But I will soon be using it as a backup when I take my upcoming Bahamas cruise.)  There's a part of me that would like to try a much more expensive human hair wig that costs $1,800-$2,500 or so (as once recommended by my former cruise partner, FCP), but I am uncomfortable spending that kind of money on a wig when my face still looks relatively masculine - even with properly applied makeup.

What might the big deal be in regard to the human hair wig?  To answer this, one has to understand the psychology of the largest group of consumers (in the New York Area) for human hair wigs - the ultra orthodox Jewish women whose faith prohibits them from showing their real hair in public.  To get around this, they wear wigs in place of their own human hair as a way to skirt around laws of their faith. (Don't get me started about their Eruvs.)  FCP came from such a tradition, and wanted me to upgrade my look.  But, I realized that it made more sense to be able to replace my wigs in the same way that women might try new hair styles and colors until they get one that works - then stick with it for a while.

Right now, I have 4 unworn wigs in my closet, and will be taking it out to replace the oldest wig that I now wear.  Hopefully, I will be able to get as much wear out of this wig as I have its predecessor.....

 

 

 

PS: One can feel the difference between an old and new wig.  And that's how I usually determine when to retire a wig.  So keep a new one around to compare the feel between old and new wigs.  When the old one starts feeling worn out, replace it.  You'll be glad you did.

Earrings and other jewelry

 

One of the things that women often take for granted is getting theirs pierced as a child or young adult.  It is so much easier to wear pierced earrings, and there is a greater availability of earrings for women with pierced ears.  So, I decided to finally get my ears pierced this past winter, in order to wear the above pierced earrings I had just bought on my Hawaii trip.

Now that my ears have been pierced, I have had occasional problems with the piercings.  The holes are not the easiest to find (which can be a good thing when seeing people who have no idea that I am TG), and this often frustrates me when attempting to wear dangling things such as the earrings in the picture. With a girlfriend who accepts my nature, I feel no guilt in getting ready to go out in front of her, as she wants me to look my best in either gender presentation.

Soon, I will start accumulating jewelry to fit every mood and situation.  For example, I love the idea of wearing pearls with a little black dress on a cruise's formal night.  Not all jewelry has to be expensive or formal.  Yet, the jewelry I buy has to be tasteful for a woman of my age.  Therefore, it has to be both simple and easily coordinated with what I'm wearing that day.  In the case of the above earrings and necklace (and pendant), I made sure that these items looked good with the dress I was wearing.

Unlike most women of my age, they have had decades to develop a feel for the jewelry that works best with their personality.  I'm lucky.  Since my fingers and wrists are too big to wear some of the jewelry given to my by my former cruise partner, I have been able to avoid many of the "loud" items that would draw attention to the non-feminine parts of my body.  In short, the jewelry I wear helps me blend in, not to stand out.

Given what I've said above, I am still surprised at how hard it is to see ear piercings when the piercings are not being used for jewelry.  A while back, I went to see my brother after taking my studs out, and he didn't notice a thing.  My fears of being noticed at the wrong time weren't fulfilled.  So, for any TG readers of this blog who are afraid of piercings, don't be.  Most people will ignore tiny studs in one's ears while the piercings heal, and will not notice those piercings when the studs are out.

The more I work on cleaning my place, the more it seems I need to do.

 

My apartment used to look something like this in the not so distant past.  However, when the pandemic struck, everything changed in my life.  One of those things was an incentive to keep things tolerably neat. Now, I'm trying to eliminate much of the clutter that has taken over this place.

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Right now, the space behind the loveseat is being used for storage.  However, it is a manageable accumulation of boxes stored in the least worthwhile area of the apartment.  And most of this will be moved into my storage compartment downstairs when I've cleaned that out.

My closets are showing more open space than I've had in years.  Yet, there is so much more pruning I have to do.  Ideally, I'll only need one tall dresser/chest and one closet to hold each of my masculine and feminine wardrobes.  But until then, I'll have to gradually build donation bags from clothing I haven't worn in a season or two.

When I started this cleanup process, it was a bit overwhelming.  There is light at the end of the tunnel - but it's so far away.  I figure that there is a lot more that I can get rid of before this place starts to feel like the home it was for me when I moved in here 40+ years ago.  But then, like many baby boomers, I thought that this would be a stepping stone purchase - I'd eventually own a house that could hold all of the stuff that I'd accumulate over the years.

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I guess that the same thought process goes for maintaining one's health as well.  One can not do everything all alone.  The impetus to finally to do the work on this apartment wouldn't have been there, had RQS not been in my life and been in the same position in life.  We work well together.  Years ago, my former cruise partner (FCP) wanted a diet and exercise buddy - something I wasn't prepared to do.  There was a certain desperation in communicating this need for a partner, and I knew I wasn't in a position to help her out.  She would eventually have Bariatric surgery, as well as skin reductions to make her body reflect who she wanted to be.  

So, this leads to the question: Who do I want to be?  To answer that takes a lot of hard work.  To welcome people into my life, I have to have a home worth visiting.  That involves apartment cleanup and some help.  Something similar is needed to get my body into shape.  Will I do anything as drastic as my former cruise partner?   No.  I saw how miserable she felt in the early days after her surgery, and I felt bad when I saw her binge eating afterward.  She dealt with the symptoms, and not the underlying problem.  I want to deal with both the underlying problem and its symptoms.

Over the years, I've learned that I need to be able to be out as Marian.  I would never have been happy if several of my previous romantic relationships got further than rolls in the hay.  I'll always be grateful to FCP for her help at the beginning of my journey.  Yet, to continue along this path, I had to go it alone.  Sadly, the way it happened was not a good thing.  But I'll bet that she's better off having been forced to open herself up to the world a little.

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In the end, I'll end up being the person I want most - who and whatever that person may be.

A short weekend with RQS as Marian

Even though RQS and I were going to spend less time together than what has become usual, this was going to turn out to be a special weekend - we would be getting pedicures together.  Finally, a whole weekend together where I'd be in Marian Mode!

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Unlike the past few weekends that RQS came to visit, she had things to do before getting on the Northbound train to Croton.  Arriving at dinnertime, RQS said that she wanted to eat either Mexican, Indian, or Japanese (Sushi) cuisines.  And the first place I could think of was near the Walmart in Mohegan Lake - Wild Fusion Asian Sushi Bar & Grill.  

Arriving at the restaurant around 6:00 pm, we found that the restaurant was almost empty.  Shortly after being seated, our orders were taken - and then we were forgotten about for a while. Things had changed since I was last here with FCP several years ago.  While waiting, I noticed that the seating area which once existed in front of the sushi bar was now a staging area for to-go and delivery orders. RQS noticed that the restaurant had filled up in the time between our orders were taken and the time our dishes reached the table.  Although we enjoyed the food and would normally eat there again, the slow and inadequate service turned us off from going back anytime soon.

Our next stop was the above mentioned Walmart.  I had lost (or misplaced) my set of keys to RQS's place, and needed a replacement set.  So, I figured that we could stop by the Key cutting kiosk there, and be out in 5 minutes.  Well, RQS forgot her login code for the machine, and we had to recut replacement keys from scratch.  (This time, I saved the key info under my email address, just in case I lose the keys again.) 10 minutes later, we were off to the supermarket to pick up goodies for the next night's dinner.  After our supermarket visit, RQS looked at her seat and noticed something unexpected - the missing set of keys.  At least, I now have 3 sets of keys to her place, one of them on Mario's key chain.  That should be the last time I misplace keys to her place....

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Saturday came, and we took our time before going out to get our nails done.  Since RQS has pottery class this coming week, she chose to only get a pedicure.  I chose to get a mani-pedi, and was now committed to going out in the world as Marian for the next week or so. For the next hour or so, we enjoyed being pampered by the ladies at the nail salon.  

Our next stop would bring us across the river, and down to Paramus, NJ.  I wanted to have RQS look at a dress I was interested in, as I wanted to be able to wear it on my upcoming cruise to the Bahamas;  RQS wanted to look at some clothes that would help her refresh her wardrobe.  So, I tried to find the dress that had been in plentiful supply at the Lane Bryant in Pelham, NY, while RQS browsed the store for things she was interested in.  Although I found the dress in an out of the way nook of the store, it was not in my size.  RQS said that she liked the dress, and I made a note to buy it online when it hit my net price point.  RQS found two tops that fit her well.  This was a very productive trip.

And then, it was time to go home for the evening.

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When we got up, RQS said that she was taking me out for brunch.  It was nice to be treated for a change. But neither of us had much energy, and we didn't get to the diner until 1:30 pm.  As we arrived, the heavens opened up, and we waited a little before dashing inside to eat.  Luckily, the rain had eased off by the time we left the diner, and it was back to my apartment to pick up RQS's bags for her return home.  A few minutes later, it was time to go - and this was fortuitous, as there was a (unscheduled?) train waiting to take RQS into Grand Central.  (Later, I'd find that there were floods on the line North of Croton-Harmon.)  Although RQS would get home later than expected, I'll bet that her cat wouldn't leave her alone once she opened the door to her apartment.

By the time you read this....

 

By the time you read this, I will have both gone to a doctor to see about my persistent cough and have gone on my California cruise with RQS.  And I'll have much to report when I get back.

I'm not one who is comfortable going to new doctors, dealing with new procedures, etc. when it comes to my health.  So, it took a badly abscessed tooth to get me going to a dentist on a regular basis.  It took me almost getting pneumonia to start seeing my internist on a regular basis.  It took a former girlfriend to get me to see a sleep doctor. And it took a former friend to get me to see a dermatologist (who I should see again soon). As you can guess, I am nervous about going to the Doc in a Box today, and may write another post about it later on.

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Tomorrow, we'll be flying to LA for our cruise.  On our one full free day in LA, we intend to see my uncle, and then do a little of the tourist thing.  Unfortunately, many of the attractions will close at 5 pm, not giving us enough time to do more than one museum or attraction.  But then, I never loved LA.  Its sprawl befits the description, "LA is a suburb in search of a city." I prefer to be in a traditional city.

Afterward, we will go on our cruise and stop in San Francisco for a couple of days. In a way, this trip is our way of connecting with family on the West Coast. First, we'll visit the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes. RQS won't mind that, as I was with her when she scattered her husband's ashes. (Of course, we'll spend the better part of the two days in San Francisco doing the typical tourist thing.) Then we will sail off to San Diego, where we'll meet up with RQS's cousin for the day. And all too soon, we'll be home.

It's been hard to identify why I am ambivalent about taking this trip.  And now I think I've figured it out.  It will likely be the last time I see my uncle while he's alive.  It may be the last time I visit San Francisco and go where I scattered my late wife's ashes.  It may be the last chance that RQS gets to meet her older cousin.  In short, it's a trip with a set of "Lasts" that is giving me a sense of sadness before it begins.

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A while back, FCP criticized me, saying that I had nothing going on in my life. (I take this slightly out of context, as I don't want to rehash old wounds.)  I think she'd now say that I have a life of my own. It's far from perfect, but it's my life and I'm living it.

RQS makes me glad that she's in my life.  Unlike Ex-GF-M, RQS is willing to try new things when with me.  She is willing to get a little lost along the way, and explore what serendipity brings to us.  Unlike XGFJ, she's willing to force the issue and make me tell her how I feel.  And unlike my relationship with Patty, our relationship is built on solid ground - we both feel secure.  It's a shame that it took me almost 25 years to find a relationship that really works for me. But as they say, "you've got to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince(ss)."  

A surprise contact.

 

I've gained and lost friends over the years.  Sometimes, it's because we no longer serve each other's needs anymore.  Other times, one (or both) people screw up and say/do things which create an unbridgeable chasm between those people. So I was surprised when someone, no longer a friend, emailed me the other day. I will not mention what this person said, or anything more about the contact, save that it was a surprise. Is it an opening to bridge a chasm?  I doubt it.  So I'm going to avoid responding to this person unless I get another contact, just to avoid another awkward exchange of emails.  But it got me thinking about how people screw things up and sever relationships that should be strong.

Tonight, I had a conversation with a friend who has a family problem similar to what I was dealing with before my wife died.  In my case, my wife's death was the event that gave my brother and I the ability to bridge our chasm.  Sadly, with this friend, I don't see the friend's chasm being bridged because of accusations made of a spouse and a family's reactions to those accusations.  Given that I know everyone involved in this family disaster, I feel that it is something that could have been avoided had some of the people involved had acted rationally instead of enabling someone's behaviors.  (I side with my friend on this issue, as I think that the other person has serious issues that are not being addressed.)

With my friend, a family has been torn apart because of a false accusation.  Not even a death in the family has given the parties involved enough of an opportunity to start healing their wounds. And until the accusation is properly addressed by all parties, the key players in this saga will not be able to be in the same room at the same time.  Given the health of one of the family members, I expect that the next death in the family will make it impossible for these people to address the elephants still in their rooms.

So sad.  So very sad....

Sometimes, I wonder what some people are up to.

 

Sometimes, I wonder what some people from my past are up to these days.  With some people, like FCP, I will likely never know, and it doesn't bother me much.  With others, like FH and MWL, I don't mind knowing, but I don't try to find out much.  And with others, I try to keep in some contact, and learn about their lives through the filters of friendship.

Occasionally, I think of FCP, and quickly put her out of my mind.  She left enough breadcrumbs around for me to know what she and her family was doing without me doing any research.  The last time we were in contact, she was upset at me, because I sent a "Congratulations!" card to her son and daughter in law to celebrate the birth of their son. And then, she wanted to rub in the pain of the loss of a friendship by showing me more pictures of this son as if I'm estranged family.  Without knowing even the name of this son, how could I miss someone who wasn't even a part of my family?  But I think she has deeper scars than I do, and that dwelling on this part of my past doesn't help at all.

A few weeks ago, I was finally able to get in contact with Pat (my former hypnotist).  I would have thought that she (or her daughter) would have contacted me to let me know that she was moving to a care facility.  Once I found this out, I made it a point to visit her there, and to get her out of the facility for a bite to eat now and then.  This past visit, she invited her new boyfriend out to eat with RQS and I, and "expected" that we would take them out to a restaurant of their choice instead of mine.  Although I would later find out that their place wasn't that expensive, it still would have cost me 3 times what it cost to go to the pizzeria we went to.  RQS and I agreed that Pat doesn't realize that the little impositions she makes without thought are the same things which can alienate her from friends and family.

MWL and I have maintained very loose contact since I started dating RQS.  She will occasionally initiate contact to catch up on things and to let me know about the developments in her life (such as turning her storage room into a finished living room).  Given that we went nowhere in our relationship, and that we had little chemistry between us, I will not try hard to maintain contact.

Every so often, FH pops up to say hi.  She's seeing someone now, but I'm not sure of how well it's going, considering that she is in contact with me.  The last time we communicated, she sent me a picture of a status symbol handbag that a "special person" gave her.  When I mentioned this to RQS, we chuckled.  We both knew that if I made the mistake of bonding with this woman, that the relationship would have been a slow motion train wreck.

Yes, I still communicate with XGFJ now and then.  And her life has continued with the same routine that it followed when I was in it.  This relationship would have been another train wreck had it not ended, as she is incapable of communicating her needs, nor is she able to make the compromises needed to make a relationship work.  (I refer to incidents we had where it was a non negotiable requirement that we be with her family on the holidays.  I wonder if this is still true with the fellow that she mentioned seeing a while back.)  I wish her the best.  Yet, there will always be a part of me that wishes that I didn't waste 5 years of my life dating her.

On better and worse notes, I still am in contact with Vicki #2 ("Short Vicki").  It's good that we are in contact with each other.  But she has only had sad news to report lately, as one of her family is very ill and needs constant care.  If I were to say "hopefully, it'll be over soon", that could be taken as wishing some relief for her, or hoping something sad will happen.  So I say very little, and let her do most of the talking.  Hopefully, we will be able to get together for dinner soon, and catch up on things.

I haven't had much to say about BXM these days.  She's doing well, and has settled down into domestic life with her boyfriend.  It'll be nice to see her again, but she's not the type I easily warm up to.  It takes me a while to get into sync with her when we chat, and it's because we come from different worlds.

It'd be easy to go on and on about people who pop in and out of one's life.  Once one has a steady relationship, it subtracts one or two people from the wider circle of friends I might be visiting if I didn't have a girlfriend.  Although it's a normal and good thing, I still wish there were enough hours in the day to see these people, and money in the wallet to afford to have dinners with them.

Sometimes, being transgender can be quite boring.

One thing I tell most newly "out" transgender people (or, those who are thinking of coming "out") is that living as one's true gender does not erase any problem one is having.  If one is having family problems, living authentically may only make things worse.  (In the case of one TG woman I know, living an authentic life forced her into poverty, and put walls up between her and her family.)  But what should a TG person do?  Should one live a lie, and preserve a family and a career?  Or, should one make the decision to be authentic, and risk losing many of the things we value most?

As readers of this (and my previous) blog know, I lost a love (in part) because of my transgender nature.  I also found out what a former friend really thought of me, with her words of anger.  At least, I know that my immediate family and close friends would have stood by me had the ex carried through on her threats. But should anyone have to risk things like this?

Many of us worry about our jobs, as a large number of TG people live in states where we are not protected (or actually harmed) by law.  One inactive blogger I know lives in one of these states.  Although her family knows that she travels en-femme, she would have little protection in her state if her management took a dislike to her for this reason.  Because of this, she is careful when she comes out of the closet.

But what happens when one has paid the price to live an authentic life?

To answer the above question, I feel that the answer is best answered by the phrase: "It Depends."  In my case, I still have my foot in both the masculine and feminine worlds.  It's a trade off I'm willing to make to have a romantic life with a good woman.  I live on a pension, soon to be supplemented by income from social security and a 401k.  Yet, if things were different when I was much younger, I'd have rather lived as Marian for most of my adult life.

Now that I'm able to go out and about, my life has grown rather mundane.  I don't have that much to talk about at times - just like a "normal" cisgender person.  I still remember my former cruise partner getting mad because I mentioned too much about her life in my former blog.  Sadly, parts of her life were like a soap opera, and it was hard to keep on the correct side of the blogging line.  So, I'm much more careful in writing this blog, knowing that I might bore people from time to time with the mundane details of my life.

So what will I be writing about in the future?

Although I will continue to write about my mundane life, I will also be writing about my travels.  Some of these travels will be as Marian.  And other travels will be as Mario.  Hopefully, I will be able to continue my travels to more and more places and provide my readers with interesting stories based on my adventures along the way.

Thoughts about Gender Non-Conforming Travel

 

One of the things that a transgender person might like to do is travel.  However, when the name and image on one's legal identification does not match that expected for one's gender presentation, this can get a person into a lot of trouble.  There is still a lot of prejudice against us out there, and I have been a worry wart about going places where I might not be welcome.

- - - - - -

I live in a relatively liberal area of the United States.  Yet, there are many people who would hate me simply for being transgender.  The closer to coastal metropolitan areas one is in this country, the more likely it is that transgender people are accepted.  (This doesn't mean that we don't suffer due to societal prejudices.  It simply means that most people tend to respect our rights as human beings.)  The further away one gets, the less we are accepted and the more we are subject to discrimination (and worse). So, I have learned to be very careful about travel outside my region, as I could get killed if I am in the wrong region.

Now, I've been told that I would be relatively safe in the Dallas, TX area.  But I can't be sure of this.  So I will avoid seeing my friends in the Dallas area until I look more feminine than I currently do.  Yes, I'd love to meet my friend Stephanie again, but it will be much more difficult now that I have RQS in my life.  Kim (of Traveling Transgender) has had few problems with her interstate travel (from the Austin, TX area), flying across the country on her business trips.  Sadly for her, she doesn't travel as much anymore, and she no longer posts about her exploits.

When I had FCP as a cruise partner, I had the pleasure of beginning to cross national boundaries while in gender non-conforming presentation.  At first, I worried about how people would treat me on the cruise, and I found that there was nothing to worry about.  However, I didn't know how I'd be treated when I left the safety of the cruise ship and landed on foreign soil.  In Canada, I found that my rights were protected by law.  And on islands part of the EU (St. Martin), I had no problems as well.  Yet, I feared getting off the ship in places like St. Kitts, as they are hostile towards the LGBT community. So, I developed confidence in cruising, but realized that I had to do some research before getting off the ship at foreign ports.

Recently, I took a Hawaii cruise.  And this time, I heard the dreaded "S" word, instead of the welcomed "Ma'am".  This was not true in most cases.  But it was true where my ID came into use - such as at the airport.  Yet, people took my dress in stride, and treated me with respect.  Did this mean that my biological gender was not an issue?  Who knows?  But I had no problems with gender presentation on my last trip.

But what about future trips?

I am thinking of taking at least one of the following cruises next year:

1. Panama Canal, with stops in several Latin American countries, including Columbia.
2. Norway (and Iceland?), with routes within the EU and also Great Britain.

The stops on the first cruise concern me, as I need to do research before deciding to travel in Marian mode.  Are my rights protected in Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Panama, Columbia and other countries along the way?  Since Cartagena is a port that I want to visit, I need to know this as soon as possible.  Although I've reached out to Rhonda (of Rhonda's Escape), I've yet to hear from her about documentation she used in her travels.  Hopefully, I will be able to get more information from more sources regarding transgender travel to these ports, so that I can be safe when I make this trip.

In the future, I hope to do more and more of my travel as Marian - even if I have to preserve my Mario identity for purposes I've discussed elsewhere.  But to do so, I'll need more information, and I will document what I find out in this blog to make travel easier for the transgender people who follow me.

It's amazing how 3 years of time changed things.

 

It's hard to believe that it's been 3 years since XGFJ broke up with me. Unlike FCP, XGFJ is not angry with me, and this is a good thing.  Although FCP was at the wedding of XGFJ's son, this friendship was not meant to last long.  They only thing they had in common was me, and that was not a good enough connection for 2 people to maintain a friendship.  (I won't go into details about what each of these 2 people said about each other, but what they did say gave me the information I needed to find a sense of closure to the ending of both relationships.)

Sometimes, I find myself thinking about my past and the mistakes I made with XGFJ.  Yet, they were unavoidable - people have to effectively communicate their wants and needs in a relationship to get them.  Goodwill breaks down when effective communication doesn't occur.  Right now, XGFJ and I have goodwill, though our relationship has ended.  I can't say the same for FCP, as she can never forgive me for exposing too many of her inner feelings to the outside world.  Nor can I give her a hall pass for yelling at me, when calmer communication would have given her what she wanted much quicker and with fewer headaches.  

But I digress....

Since the end of these relationships, I have been able to establish a friendly communications channel with XGFJ.  Recently, she sent me a message that she was finally enjoying her long planned (and postponed) vacation in Greece. Although Greece is not a place I have on my bucket list, I might have gone with her if we were still in a relationship and we were able to include each other in activities with our friends.  Hopefully, the rest of her trip will go well, as I expect that we will be out of touch until I get back from Hawaii.

Rebuilding a social network takes time, especially after a pandemic.  I'm at the stage where I have to pick and choose who I want to see and how I spend my money to be with them.  Obviously, RQS is my highest priority.  I still see FH when our schedules permit.  But that's not often anymore. I'm still in loose contact with MWL, but we don't have much to say to each other either.  Although I still go to meetups, they are not as important to me as they used to be.

In many ways (but not all), RQS has it better than I do.  She is confident in herself, and actively pursues things that nurture her.  She keeps busy with her hobbies, and still finds time to be with me - as if I'm one of the (formerly) missing pieces in her life's puzzle.  It's a good thing for both of us that we have a relationship, and I hope it keeps growing as time goes on.  

Yet, I still wonder....  Will I ever need to rebuild my connections again?  And if so, will it be possible, given my age at the time?

A last minute dinner with a friend

 

I found the above Garfield comic on the internet today, and felt it captured the spirit of today's dinner with a friend.  But first....

- - - - - -

Last night, I found that the scanner on my "all-in-one" scanner/printer stopped working when I tried to scan documents needed to be given a $100 cruise credit by the cruise line's shareholder relations department. Today, I started tearing apart boxes of stuff I stashed behind my loveseat to find the single purpose scanner I used to use.  After making a total mess in my living room, I found the scanner and tried to install it on my computer.  Unfortunately, there were no Windows 10 drivers for the scanner, and I ended up tossing the scanner in the trash.  

Once I was done with scanning futility, I decided to get showered and dressed to have dinner with my friend from the meetup group, MAR.  This woman is young enough to be my daughter, and works in a services field.  (I don't want to say too much more about what she does for a living here.)  We discussed many a thing, including my upcoming cruises.  And she surprised me by asking if she could come along with me on one of my less expensive trips.  (This woman has never traveled.)  There is no way I'd do this while seeing RQS, and I wouldn't ruin my relationship with RQS to do so.  (I wonder if my cruising with FCP negatively affected my relationship with XGFJ.  If so, I don't want to make that mistake again.)  I told MAR that if we were to do so, she'd find out much more about me than I think she'd like. (I've never mentioned that I am transgender to her, and I think that she believes that I am a cisgender female. Why ruin that image?)

So why did I mention Garfield and lasagna?  Like the cartoon cat, I love lasagna, and polished off a large portion at dinner.  Yum!  We may have lost a good pizza shop in town, where one could get a quick slice.  But we have a good Italian joint in its place, where I have never had a bad sit down dinner.

Thinking of a street in Portland, ME.

 

About a week and a half ago, we were exploring the shore front in Portland, ME, and we came across the above sign.  Unlike my past trips to Portland with my former cruise partner (FCP), I was able to take the lead with RQS and found a street which time left alone enough to have a pleasant, unique character.

You'll note that the street is unevenly paved with cobblestones, and that there are old buildings with an excess of character on both sides of the street.  I'd never have gotten to explore this street had I been with FCP.  But, with RQS, we had a great time exploring this street on our way back to the ship.

 

 

One can easily tell that the above is an old building left from the days when Portland was a major seafaring town.  This street is way too short.  But for its length, it has more character than many old streets in NYC.

 
I didn't bother taking too many pictures here, as I'd have needed more time to plan my shots, and we wanted to get off of our feet.  There was a "coffee shop" on this street near the above establishment that RQS captured on her camera.  (The "coffee shop" is a hybrid of a coffee shop and a "medicinal" cannabis dispensary.)  I didn't think the place was too interesting, and I didn't want to disturb the privacy of people wanting to enjoy their time at the shop.

Hopefully, we'll be able to go back to this street soon.  There were several places where we could get a good lobster at a reasonable price.  Who knows, maybe we'll get a prescription at the coffee shop the next time we visit.

By the time you see this.... (a short post)

 

By the time you see this post, I'll have returned from my cruise.  I'm looking forward to getting on the ship and spending a week and a half with RQS away from our troubles.

- - - - - -

It's been a while since I've cruised with anyone, and the last cruise was a disaster.  My former cruise partner (FCP) and I had a blow out, and we never were able to patch things up.  (There is more to the story - regular readers will know what I'm talking about.)  Although FCP said that we could have recovered our friendship if the problem was just our cruise kerfuffle, I doubt that.  The troubles we experienced at the end of our cruise made it clear that I no longer wanted to ever cruise with her again.

So, it's with a little bit of worry that I go on this cruise with RQS.  Will 10 days together strengthen or weaken what we have together?  Who knows?  But she is much more level-headed as a lover and friend than FCP was as a friend.  I'm grateful that I'm with someone who has no drama in her life....

Thinking of things that were, things that are and things that could be.

The above picture was taken about 3 years ago - just before the beginning of the epidemic.  As much as I thought I had a decent female presentation, I realize that 50 years of testosterone have taken their toll on me.

Turning 65 makes me think that I must start losing weight by cutting back on caloric intake and by being more active. RQS has done so, and it shows.  She could gain a lot by one of the surgeries that FCP had - a skin reduction.  I hope that I can get to that point as well.  But once I do so, I will then consider partial facial feminization surgery (FFS).  According to one TG writer, having FFS on the lower face allows her to be seen as a female while wearing a wig, and as a male when the wig is off.  This is something I'd like to do if possible.

I have no plans to push RQS to accept any more than cosmetic changes to my appearance, save for those changes that make me more healthy.  If I get to the stage where partial FFS is an option for me, she will have a say in how far I go with it - if I go with it at all.  She's too good a person to risk losing for this dream of mine - especially when she is accepting me for who and what I am.

Eventually, RQS and I will need to discuss living arrangements.  But this assumes that we continue to get along as well as we do now.  Whatever place we live in must be near convenient mass transit, must have adequate parking for my car, and be appropriate for two people in their later years.  Most of all, this place must have enough room for 3 wardrobes - RQS's, Mario's and Mine.  Only one problem: Will we be able to find such a place at an affordable price?