Often, Transgendered Life Can Be Very Mundane - but it takes some time to get there.

 

What is it about being transgender that most of us wish we could have?  The answer to that question is relatively simple: We wish to live our lives and be perceived as the gender in which we identify.  

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Let's say one chooses to live life in the gender opposite to which as one was identified as belonging to at birth.  One would then have to navigate a maze of challenges in order to be accepted in one's "New" identity and not stand out as Transgender:

• Presentation.
  - Dressing appropriately for each situation.
  - Makeup (Where, When, and How Much?)
  - Development of vocal traits appropriate to one's gender.
  - Surgeries (if needed) to live in one's authentic gender
• Social Skills.
  - Learning behaviors appropriate for one's "New" Gender.
  - Learning verbal language skills appropriate to one's "New" Gender.
  - Learning non-verbal language skills (body language) appropriate to one's "New" Gender.
•  Legal Issues.
  - Name changes on legal documents (Birth Certificate, Driver's License, etc.).
  - Financial Arrangements (updated name on bank accounts, insurance policies, etc.)
• Medical Issues.
  - Treatment for body parts part of "New" gender.
  - Treatment for body parts remaining from "Old" gender.
  - Choosing new doctors (as needed)
• Social Life.
  - Building up friendships with others of your "New" gender
  - Development of interests of your "New" gender to share common interests.

The above is not a complete list of these challenges, nor will all of them apply to every transgender person.  For example, many transgender people live in the role of their "New" gender without any intent to undergo Gender Correction Surgeries.  Others may consider this step necessary for their unique journeys. I feel that my journey depended on learning how to speak as a female, and I underwent voice training to help my voice sound more feminine.  

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Often, one has to ask a very important question:

How "Passable" do I need to become? 

This might be the most important question a transgender person needs to ask.  Ideally, I'd like to be able to have Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), Breast Augmentation, and Hair Restoration (I hate wearing wigs!) When it comes to bottom surgery (a.k.a. Gender Correction Surgery - GCS), I can take it or leave it.  To me, the only benefit from GCS would be the ability to go into a woman's locker room and not have to hide my private parts.  Since I don't go to a gym, it's not a big deal for me.  But this could be a problem for other trans people.

Some trans people do not have a need to pass.  Instead, they simply want to blend in as much as possible, or they don't mind being seen as part of the "Queer Community".  One trans woman I know has no desire to have bottom surgery, as she feels she could lose her ability to have an orgasm.  Her voice still sounds masculine, and the nose on her face is the only visual feature that would identify her as a M2F trans woman.  Yet, she's happy with her presentation.  She participates in local women's groups, and persues her dreams in retirement.

Not all trans people can become "passable".  One trans woman I've met stands 6'6".  The lack of feminine curves combined with her height gives her away as being transgender.  Another trans woman I know still have the physical appearance of being a linebacker.  For these trans women, "Blending In" is the best that they can do.  And, hopefully, this will be enough for these trans women.

The issue of "Passing" is not unique to trans women.  I have also met trans men who are very short, and still have their feminine curves.  At work, one of these trans men (when I was last in contact with him) had to present as a Butch Lesbian at work, instead of being outed as transgender at work.  (He worked in an environment where being a Butch Lesbian did not affect "her" social standing, but being transgender would have caused people to discriminate against him.)

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Eventually, most of us are able to find a new normal in life.  Our existence becomes much more mundane, filled with activities in which cisgender people would be involved.  Their transgender identities become less and less a factor in their lives.   They have navigated through their mazes, and found ways to live within the boundaries of objective reality.  The mundane has finally become a new normal.  And, hopefully, the transgender person can live the full life s/he hoped for with a minimum of hassles.

Why are some people afraid and repulsed by Transgenders?

 

Why are some people afraid and repulsed by Transgender folk?

 

The above question is something that has been on my mind as of late.  Could it be religion?  Could it be a lack of a strong definition of self identity?  Could it be fear of what others might think of us and do to us?  There are so many reasons, but I think it goes back to the urge to reproduce.

Reproduction is a major effort for most species.  In primate species, the male has it easy - impregnate the female and the absolute need for his existence has ended.  However for the female, her body undergoes changes to accommodate the dependent life within her and eventually expels that life.  But the female's role is not over, as she usually has to take care of her offspring until they are ready to reproduce themselves. In our species, we have evolved to have our males contribute to the effort of raising our offspring, providing an evolutionary protection the premature loss of a parent. (This will vary between cultures.)  I'll admit that this is an oversimplification of something all of us know all too well.  But I think it's the fear of wasting our chances to reproduce that is the root of the fear of transgender people.

The fear of transgenders comes from something people fear: we can break out of virtually all socially assigned roles if we want.  Gender is the first thing people ask about when a baby is born.  A humorous example of this is a joke from the movie Addams Family Values:

Family Members: "What is it?"

Gomez Addams: "It's an Addams!"

The beauty of this line is that the answer is perfectly correct.  But it is not what the questioner wanted to know.  

I believe that sexual preference, sexual identity, and external sexual characteristics are all forms of intersex conditions that are baked into the person while in the womb.  "Normally," the vast majority of people are born as, identify as, and prefer the genders which society would assign at birth.  Statistics show that the lesbian and gay population may be somewhere between 3%-5% of the population. Transgender adults are about 0.5% of the population, and the rest of intersex people are about 0.05% of the population.  Given that most people never have their genes analyzed, they never know whether they are among those who have male external genitalia but have XX chromosomes, or among those who have female genitalia but have XY chromosomes.  Let's not get into all of the potential intersex conditions here.  Simply put, science conflicts with cultural norms, and we're in the middle of a culture war against our will.

The recent edict from the Orange Snowflake looks to deny our existence.  Hopefully, most of my transgender readers have been able to file paperwork for federal government IDs long before the snowflake shut things down for most of us. But this is not just a problem that affects transgender people.  For example, I knew a cisgender female who was mistakenly identified as a male on a Tennessee driver's license.  If she had to fix this problem today, the snowflake's edict would make this impossible.

But what should one do if one is young and pre-op transgender?  My first recommendation would only work if one lived in a state which allows gender markers to be changed AND allows for amended birth certificates.  DO NOT GET FEDERAL ID UNTIL YOU HAVE CHANGED GENDER MARKERS ON ALL STATE IDS ON FILE.  For example, If you live in California, do not travel on aircraft, or travel outside the US until you have your gender marker updated on all documents you may need to file with the Feds.  If this can't be done in your state, get your name changed to one acceptable for males and females, then dress and present androgynously when applying for federal id. This way, you will likely be ignored (as you would want) when going through TSA checkpoints. But most important of all - don't be flashy.  Just blend in as much as possible until this reign of terror is over.

There is too much information on me that is available to the public.  Therefore, I can't go into hiding.  Instead, I can go stealth on my way out of the country.  Others don't have it this lucky, and might as well lead protests as long is prudent.  Remember, our borders will be protected against intrusions, and not against people leaving - for now.   

What happens when you can't leave for whatever reason?  What can you do?  As I see it, one will need to migrate to areas of the country where one can blend in with a crowd.  People in Northeastern and West Coast large cities tend to be more tolerant of people of different styles, as these regions have been hot spots for immigration for generations.  They have attracted the risk takers, people who are willing to live completely different lives than their pasts would ordain for them.  Yet, one will always need to be on the lookout for others who would cause them harm.  

I can't understand the hatred of transgenders anymore, as I have learned to accept people who are very different than I am as long as we both interact with each other respectfully and with compassion.  The other day, I heard Warren Buffett tell a story about people who survived the Holocaust.  He noted that his judgement of people is based on whether they would hide someone from being scooped up in a pogrom and be sent to their deaths.  A truly wealthy person would have many friends who would help him/her hide from danger.  Build up those friendships now, as you may need them in the future.