I have to resist temptation these days.

 

In this uncertain age, I am easily tempted to write more about the crap that is going on in Washington, DC, and what is happening in my life as a transgender person.  It's all too easy to write about the breakdown in the administration of Law and Order, as evidenced by the actions of the Orange Snowflake, his cabinet, "his" congress, and his MAGA supporters.  These people are eager to make us transgender people the first of many whipping girls for the crimes being committed by his regime.  Yet, given how boring a non-op transgender person's life can be, I could easily go on for hours writing about politics, something I don't intend for this blog to be about.

Like many women, I enjoy shopping for, and buying new clothes.  My late wife would be amazed to see how many dresses I have fit in to what was her side of the closet. She'd probably tease me a little and then choose a dress for me to wear out - except when celebrating our wedding anniversary.  It's been almost 30 years since she passed away, and I still miss her presence.  No, I'm not putting her on a pedestal.  She had serious faults.  But I liked her as a person, and I miss the things that attracted me to her.

If I felt that I looked good in female clothing other than dresses, I'd have loaded up my closet with these garments.  Assuming that I lose a dress size or two, I will likely build a more varied feminine wardrobe which includes nicer tops, skirts, and trouser like garments. My ideal life would be to be able to go out in anything from my closet or dresser and only be seen as a woman and not a trans-woman. And this would include being able to travel, present my documents, and have no one hassle me on account of any gender marker on my documents.

This leads me back to politics.  The GOP doesn't give a damn about how it treats transgender people. The GOP congress has written rules for the capitol building which prevents a representative from Delaware from relieving herself in the facilities meant for women.  Should Sarah McBride suffer the indignity of being forced to use the men's room for her bio-breaks?  No.  But this is what the GOP thinks is important right now.

Months ago, my congressional representative, Mike Lawler, NY-17, said that he'd oppose any attempt to harm social security.  Yet, once the "DOGE" department started to decapitate Social Security, all we heard was crickets - he won't oppose anything being done to harm his constituents.  You can guess who is not getting my vote when next he runs.  Strangely enough, he may be looking to run for governor next year.  I hope we have someone strong running against him, with all the financial resources needed to retire him before he can cause even more damage to my district.

My goal is to be able to live as Marian full time and to be able to travel as Marian whenever I want.  Although I'll talk to people who support the GOP, I won't trust them to do the right thing when it counts. So, I'll have to do what I can within the law to stop them from taking away my human rights....

In the end, they can't erase history.

 

The above is a photo taken after the Taliban destroyed the Buddhas of Bamiyan.  It was their intent to destroy all depictions of people (real or fictional) to conform with rules from the most regressive form of Islam.  The Taliban didn't care about historic preservation.  Instead, they wanted to erase things from history which didn't fit with their idea of reality.  

Why is this important?

Today, the Orange Snowflake is trying to erase minorities from America and its history.   One of his first actions was to remove the mention of Transgenders from the Stonewall National Historic Monument. Then came the removal of minority and female war heroes on websites in the Pentagon's DEI purge.  Can you imagine winning the war in the Pacific without the Navajo Code Talkers?  What about the Enola Gay?  Even Jackie Robinson was affected by this purge. Some parts of our history will be harder to remove from "official history" than others.  Yet, this is what happens when authoritarians wish to pit one group against another, so that the authoritarian can be the center of power in society.

How many people have read 1984?  Orwell picked up on the capricious nature of dictators by noting that their enemies could change in a heartbeat.  In 1984, during Hate Week, the enemy changed in the middle of Big Brother's speech, and no one batted an eyelash - the thought police were always present to force obedience.

Luckily, we have tools such as the Internet Wayback Machine to help us. But having one set of servers located in the USA isn't good enough to preserve historical records for the future.  We need redundancy in data which can be indexed, with servers located in several sites around the globe where no one government can shut them down for political reasons.  And yet, even without full digital redundancy, much of our history is currently preserved in books, pictures, and both video and audio recordings.  Whatever the Orange Snowflake decides to be erased will likely be returned to digital access when he's gone.  

What can we do to preserve our transgender history?  To me, that's one of the most important tasks we can do to oppose the Orange Snowflake.  In the case of the Stonewall Monument, we can create an alternate website with the full information once on the official site - the Wayback Machine can be a help there.  And then, we can expand on it, archiving the site's contents in places where the Snowflake has no ability to affect it.  At the site itself, we can develop our own leaflets, so that visitors know the real history of the place and why it is important to us.  We can be the models for other groups that the Snowflake wants to remove from history.

So, by our efforts, we can lead the way for other groups to challenge the Snowflake.  Let's do so!

 

PS: I found this link on the right-leaning Drudge Report site:

Trump & Musk Aren't Ready For What They Are Unleashing

We may be closer to a violent revolution than I'd desire.  I've had a feeling that the Snowflake and his band of Bandit Capitalists might trigger something like the French Revolution if they went too far.  And it looks like they might just do so.

 

 

PPS: In the guise of protecting Children from abuse, the Orange Snowflake has issued a proclamation that continues his war against us Transgenders.  If this isn't reminiscent of Central Europe in the 1930's, I don't know what is.  I hope my TG readers are in the process of securing their "Letters of Transit" before the last plane leaves Casablanca.

 

I apologize for ranting too much

 

Lately, it seems to me, that I've been complaining about things going on in the world too much.  Yes, Our rights as transgender people are under attack, and our president is "owned" by Russia, and is doing Russia's bidding.  Yet, I am grateful to live in a state where I can come and go as my authentic self, without worry that I will be hassled by any law enforcement authority.

Yet, I've noticed something.  For reasons other than fear, I haven't been getting outside of my place enough and living an authentic life.  Could it be the weather?  (As I write this, it is raining outside.)  Could it be commitments I have that requires me to present as Mario?   (I had to go out as Mario in order to buy a new Mattress and Bed Frame last night.) Could it be anything else? (I did spend part of the day sorting out some of the containers behind my loveseat.) There have been so many things that I needed to do, that I have felt a little overwhelmed and have retreated into my comfort space.

One has to keep one's focus on what's important, so that can take care of the most important things first.  I may not have been doing that.  Yesterday, I worked around the house, possibly to avoid spending the money I knew I'd have to spend on new bedding.  It could be much worse.  My brother is putting in 50-60 hours each week in a job for which should only need 40. He also has to deal with fire department financials, managing the project of bringing the family homestead into a shape where we can raise the rent on the place, and to prepare financials for the house, so that I can get my taxes done.  And, to top it all off, he is flying out west to see my nephew for the weekend.

As you can see, there are other people who are under more stress than I am.  But I expect that we all will start to suffer if the orange snowflake does half the damage to America that he could be doing.  If you find yourself starting to be overwhelmed by fear and worry about the future, just remember these words that are applicable in almost every situation:

 

"This too, shall pass." 

 

The trick will be to keep one's perspective while it passes....

My paperwork is almost ready

 

As I've mentioned before, I am in the process of getting a second passport.  It's not just because I want to reconnect with the nation of my grandmother's birth, but it's also due to politics in the USA.

- - - - - - 

I've said many times that the Orange Snowflake is a threat to us all.  First, he has targeted transgenders.  Now, he's going after many of the Federal workers which help keep this nation running smoothly.  As I like to describe it, he's on his 2025 revenge tour for his loss in 2020.  He is not as popular as he once was, and the polling over the past few weeks shows a precipitous drop in public approval.  

So what does this mean?

If history is my guide, he will use political persecution as a means of distracting the public from the greater evil he is trying to hide.  As for me, I intend to have an exit plan, just in case things get much worse than they are now.

Right now, I am following this guide from one of the nations that I qualify for overseas birth citizenship:

Documents relating to the applicant (unless stated, originals must be submitted):

• Completed, signed and witnessed application form (see list of witnesses at 1 above)
• Original civil birth certificate (showing parental details)
• Original civil marriage certificate (if applicable) OR other change of name document (if applicable)
• Photocopy of current state-issued photographic ID document (i.e. passport, drivers licence, national identity card) certified as a true copy of the original by application form witness
• 2 separate original proofs of address
• 4 colour photographs (2 of which to be witnessed) – do not attach these to the application form
• Documents relating to the xxxxx Citizen parent (unless stated, originals must be submitted):

Original civil birth certificate of xxxxx Citizen parent (showing parental details)

• Original civil marriage certificate of xxxxx Citizen parent (if applicable) OR other change of name document (if applicable)
• Photocopy of current state-issued photographic ID document (i.e. passport, drivers license, national identity card) certified as a true copy of the original by a professional from the list of witnesses OR original civil death certificate (if applicable)
• Documents relating to the grandparent born in xxxxx (unless stated, originals must be submitted):

Original civil birth certificate of xxxxx born grandparent (showing parental details)

Original civil marriage certificate of xxxxx born grandparent (if applicable) OR other change of name document (if applicable)

Photocopy of current state-issued photographic ID document (i.e. passport, drivers licence, national identity card) certified as a true copy of the original by a professional from the list of witnesses

OR

Original civil death certificate (if applicable)

 

All I need to do right now is get a copy of my grandmother's death certificate, get my proofs of address, pay my application fee, get the application form notarized, and send it in.   Right now, they are processing applications sent in during November.  So if all goes right, I'll be sending in my paperwork in March and getting my second passport around my birthday.  It won't be as dramatic as getting the Letters of Transit in the movie, Casablanca.  But it will have just as good a result for me, if things go very sour here....

I'm dying to ask this person a question

 

No, I am not talking about asking this character any questions.   He is the one making war against us transgender people.  However, I know someone who supported him once, and I would love to find out how she's doing, and what this war means to her....

- - - - - -

A while back, I met this acquaintance in Brooklyn.  Although we've met several times before, this was the first time in years that I've been to Downtown Brooklyn.  It was cold (like today) and it was dark.  But it was before the 2024 election, and this person was a supporter of the Orange Snowflake - even though she is a post-op trans-woman.

 

Neither of us had problems being able to talk with someone with different views.  Yet, I always wondered what would happen to trans folk, if the Snowflake was elected - especially, knowing the radical Christianist Nationalists he owes big time for their votes.  Within a few days of the election, we had our answer - the Snowflake has tried to erase transgenders from society, even having the gall to take the T off of the LGBT at Stonewall National Historic Site.

I do not know in which state my acquaintance was born, but I have a strong feeling that it will be hard for her to renew her passport when the time comes.  How will she feel that she is under attack from the very man she supported for president?  Will this be the first of many things that could be denied her because she is caught in the middle of a culture war?

Sooner or later, I will reach out to her and try to get together.  Right now, I sent a text message saying hello.  It's hard to hate people without reason, and most GOP'ers have a sense of ethics.  Sadly, as 1930's history has proven, it is easy for some people to develop a cult and cause people to ignore their own inner compasses for the sake of group loyalty and out of fear of being persecuted.

How would you feel in her size-13W shoes?

Why are some people afraid and repulsed by Transgenders?

 

Why are some people afraid and repulsed by Transgender folk?

 

The above question is something that has been on my mind as of late.  Could it be religion?  Could it be a lack of a strong definition of self identity?  Could it be fear of what others might think of us and do to us?  There are so many reasons, but I think it goes back to the urge to reproduce.

Reproduction is a major effort for most species.  In primate species, the male has it easy - impregnate the female and the absolute need for his existence has ended.  However for the female, her body undergoes changes to accommodate the dependent life within her and eventually expels that life.  But the female's role is not over, as she usually has to take care of her offspring until they are ready to reproduce themselves. In our species, we have evolved to have our males contribute to the effort of raising our offspring, providing an evolutionary protection the premature loss of a parent. (This will vary between cultures.)  I'll admit that this is an oversimplification of something all of us know all too well.  But I think it's the fear of wasting our chances to reproduce that is the root of the fear of transgender people.

The fear of transgenders comes from something people fear: we can break out of virtually all socially assigned roles if we want.  Gender is the first thing people ask about when a baby is born.  A humorous example of this is a joke from the movie Addams Family Values:

Family Members: "What is it?"

Gomez Addams: "It's an Addams!"

The beauty of this line is that the answer is perfectly correct.  But it is not what the questioner wanted to know.  

I believe that sexual preference, sexual identity, and external sexual characteristics are all forms of intersex conditions that are baked into the person while in the womb.  "Normally," the vast majority of people are born as, identify as, and prefer the genders which society would assign at birth.  Statistics show that the lesbian and gay population may be somewhere between 3%-5% of the population. Transgender adults are about 0.5% of the population, and the rest of intersex people are about 0.05% of the population.  Given that most people never have their genes analyzed, they never know whether they are among those who have male external genitalia but have XX chromosomes, or among those who have female genitalia but have XY chromosomes.  Let's not get into all of the potential intersex conditions here.  Simply put, science conflicts with cultural norms, and we're in the middle of a culture war against our will.

The recent edict from the Orange Snowflake looks to deny our existence.  Hopefully, most of my transgender readers have been able to file paperwork for federal government IDs long before the snowflake shut things down for most of us. But this is not just a problem that affects transgender people.  For example, I knew a cisgender female who was mistakenly identified as a male on a Tennessee driver's license.  If she had to fix this problem today, the snowflake's edict would make this impossible.

But what should one do if one is young and pre-op transgender?  My first recommendation would only work if one lived in a state which allows gender markers to be changed AND allows for amended birth certificates.  DO NOT GET FEDERAL ID UNTIL YOU HAVE CHANGED GENDER MARKERS ON ALL STATE IDS ON FILE.  For example, If you live in California, do not travel on aircraft, or travel outside the US until you have your gender marker updated on all documents you may need to file with the Feds.  If this can't be done in your state, get your name changed to one acceptable for males and females, then dress and present androgynously when applying for federal id. This way, you will likely be ignored (as you would want) when going through TSA checkpoints. But most important of all - don't be flashy.  Just blend in as much as possible until this reign of terror is over.

There is too much information on me that is available to the public.  Therefore, I can't go into hiding.  Instead, I can go stealth on my way out of the country.  Others don't have it this lucky, and might as well lead protests as long is prudent.  Remember, our borders will be protected against intrusions, and not against people leaving - for now.   

What happens when you can't leave for whatever reason?  What can you do?  As I see it, one will need to migrate to areas of the country where one can blend in with a crowd.  People in Northeastern and West Coast large cities tend to be more tolerant of people of different styles, as these regions have been hot spots for immigration for generations.  They have attracted the risk takers, people who are willing to live completely different lives than their pasts would ordain for them.  Yet, one will always need to be on the lookout for others who would cause them harm.  

I can't understand the hatred of transgenders anymore, as I have learned to accept people who are very different than I am as long as we both interact with each other respectfully and with compassion.  The other day, I heard Warren Buffett tell a story about people who survived the Holocaust.  He noted that his judgement of people is based on whether they would hide someone from being scooped up in a pogrom and be sent to their deaths.  A truly wealthy person would have many friends who would help him/her hide from danger.  Build up those friendships now, as you may need them in the future.

 

Lunch and Dinner, or: Where are the police when you need them?

 

I had two things on the docket for today.  But the thing of most interest today was an accident that almost happened.

- - - - -

I woke up around 9 am, not having much sleep last night.  So I took my time getting ready to go out to see Vicki for a late lunch.  But first, I had to shovel out the snow around my car.  That involved getting dressed as Mario, clearing the show off the car, and shoveling a clear path to the plowed section of the driveway.  Luckily, the snow wasn't too heavy, and I was able to get this done in 20 minutes.

After a brief stop for breakfast, I went home to shower and get dressed as Marian.  And then, it was off to Mt. Kisco to meet Vicki for lunch.  Arriving at the restaurant, I found that the meters weren't working today, as it was a Federal holiday.  Even though I was glad to see Vicki, I really wasn't in the mood to talk politics, as there's nothing we could do to avoid the upcoming 4 year disaster.

Once done with lunch, I drove over to Route 684, and was about to make a "California Stop" at the light for a right turn on red, so that I could get on the highway.  There was a police car to my left and an idiot that sped up along the shoulder and almost hit me as I was starting to make a right turn onto the highway.  (If I had started movement to the entrance ramp even 1 second earlier, my car would have been totaled.)  As I made my turn, the police car turned across traffic, sped past me, then pulled the idiot over before he got on the highway.  Boy, was I relieved!  The idiot was about to get what he rightly deserved - a very expensive ticket!

Next, I killed time at Starbucks before going to the meetup for dinner. Unfortunately, most of the people who reserved a place at dinner bailed without notice, and only 3 of us were there for dinner.  By the time I finished my cheeseburger, I was stuffed.  I couldn't eat another bite. 

On the way home, my brother and I chatted about the house we rent out.  Now that the tenants are gone, there are some improvements we may make.  Will it cost money?  Yes.  But we should recoup our money relatively quickly.  And then he got to talking about what should happen when my sister in law passes (hopefully, she will go first).  It makes sense for him to sell his homestead at that time due to the $500k tax exclusion he'd have that year, then take some of his capital gains to buy me out.  He'd live in the family homestead for a few years, and then repeat the process to get more tax free money out of his home equity.  

It was a good day.  But it certainly didn't go as I expected. 

- - - - - -

On other matters....

Sadly, the Orange Snowflake has been inaugurated, and he has already made some anti-transgender statements.  Hopefully, my readers who have needed to get their gender marker on their personal IDs updated, have already done so before today.  I think it will be at least 4 years before people will be able to do this for Federally issued documents again.

It'll have been 11 days so far....

 

By the time you read this, the Orange Snowflake will have been in office for 11 days.  I have my worries about this man and his worsening dementia, and the people who support him without question.  Will some people keep him in check?  Or, will he go F'ing nuts when power is restored to him?  Only time will tell.

Right now, people like Sarah McBride are biding their time until they have the power to change things.  It doesn't pay for her to challenge the GOP leadership to assert her rights.  But that time will come.  The GOP will eventually lose control of government, as they have done in the past.  For those of us who can blend in, my advice is to do so - but to be honest about who you are if anyone asks.  This might not be a viable option for many deep in a red state.  But it has always worked for me in the Hudson Valley and elsewhere.

The Orange Snowflake knows nothing about how tariffs work, nor does he have a firm grasp on anything essential to the running of government, save to put "Yes Men" with major flaws in positions of power.  He can not afford to have anyone challenge him - especially with the 25th amendment in mind. When confronted by one friendly reported on who would pay the tariffs he proposes, he acts like China (and other countries) would pay to sell their goods here without affecting the purchasing price paid by the American consumer.  The problem here is that he wants to use a machete when a surgeon's scalpel is called for.  Do we need high tariffs on European goods, where wages and other costs are similar to that in North America?  Yet, it would make sense to have high tariffs on Chinese goods, considering their low wages, and the use of Uighurs as slave labor. Universally low tariffs have caused the decline of American manufacturing, as it was cheaper to export jobs to nations with low wages and few worker protections.  In short, a broken clock can be right twice each day, and the Orange Snowflake's idea of tariffs shouldn't be dismissed out of hand - it should be refined by professionals, so that the right approach is used by the US.

I expect that the Justice Department to be politicized.  The Snowflake doesn't care about justice.  He wants revenge against his perceived enemies.  I'll be watching the news to see if he goes after the January 6th committee, as well as anyone who opposed him.  Most people who read this blog know that I use an alias when communicating with the Transgender community.  This doesn't mean that I can't be found if someone wants to go after me.  Instead, it slows down any potential attack on me.

It is likely that some Transgender people will be persecuted by politicians who are also religious zealots.  They  may consider fleeing the country.  Although it is illegal to enter Canada without going through a legal checkpoint, our border is mostly unguarded.  There are towns (and buildings) that sit on the border.  If one feels that they might be targeted because of politics, one might consider finding a way to reach the border without leaving electronic bread crumbs.  No cell phones or late model cars would be safe in this attempt.  Remember, Abbie Hoffman stayed on the lam for years using the alias of "Barry Fried".  This might be a way to wait things out if things go sour in our country.

Remember - most people don't give a damn about us.  This will work for and against us.  Try to use that knowledge to your best advantage....

And now, the "Fun" begins.

 

This is one of my rare entries (other than holiday posts) that comes out on the day something actually happens.  Today, we are about to enter 4 years of darkness caused by the selfish nature of a man who is about to take office.  He complains about flags flying at half staff to honor the late Jimmy Carter.  Yet, I think that Carter might have chosen to die when he did, so that he could show his contempt for the man about to take office.

- - - - - -

I am not concerned about the rich trying to extract more wealth from society.  They always have done that and always will do so.  Instead, I am concerned about a man-child whose sole interest is the destruction of our society in exchange for ill gotten gains from his benefactors.  Even that may not be the worst of things, as he has an ax (with many of his supporters) to grind against Transgender Americans.

My brother is well on his way to getting his second passport.  As soon as his passport is issued, I will submit the same paperwork as he did - just to have a place to go if the powers that support the new president aren't checked.  We already have seen the rules of the House of Representatives changed to prevent Sarah McBride from going to the women's loo.  I fear what could happen if America stumbles into being a Christianist Autocracy.  Could we have pogroms?  Who knows?

Right now, I am not going to worry.  But I will stay aware of things going on around me.  If we're lucky, we will get through this period of chaos with few lasting injuries.

- - - - - -

On other matters much less depressing....

Yesterday, I dropped RQS off at the station, so she could go home and take care of things that have piled up since before the holidays. After that, I decided to go out for a slice of pizza and met one of my neighbors.  There was something wrong with her, as she noted that she had some sort of brain injury about a year ago.  Yet, she couldn't understand why the co-op had to dismiss our former managing agent.  (She said she has memories, but couldn't connect them together to understand what has gone on.  Every minute or two, she kept apologizing for her inability to put things together due to this brain injury.)  As much as I didn't want to keep with the conversation, I did so because she needed to chat.  Luckily, I was able to get out of the conversation and go home for the rest of the day.

Thinking about the year soon gone.

 

RQS and I seem to be spending most of our free time together, and we've got a routine that seems to be working for us.  This got me thinking about how my life has changed over the past few years, and how things seem to be crystalizing into something nice this past year.

- - - - - -

At the beginning of the year, I was concerned about visiting my uncle before he passed away.  Sadly, this did not happen, and I ended up taking a California Coastal Cruise by myself - one of the few times I've traveled lately without her.  (Yes, I will note that I booked my Hawaii cruise before I met her, but I did offer to have her come with me on the cruise.)  Our big trip was our Norwegian Cruise in June   And then, we took 2 separate cruises to Bermuda.  Cruising has become our favorite form of vacation, but the idea of visiting places already visited has diminished.  We want to experience new places.  And that may mean changing how we travel and where we go.

As we age, we have to worry a bit about changes in our health.  RQS has had her health problems, and I have had my issues.  I will soon need to search for a new GP, as my doctor is getting old.  He's a good doctor, but I have my issues about reaching his office, and the quality of his staff.  My sleep doctor is retiring at year end, and I need to find out who I will need to see for future follow-ups.  Luckily, the doctor who performed my colonoscopy is young, and I will likely be able to see him when I next need to have the lower part of my GI-Tract inspected.

Getting older often means that one will see his/her peers gradually die off.  Earlier this year, one of the people with whom I went to college suddenly passed away.  My cousin passed away just before RQS and I went on one of our Bermuda cruises.  And last night, I was told that the clinical supervisor for my feminine speech training at Mercy College had passed away due to a heart attack.  I live one of the more unhealthy lifestyles of people I know.  Yet, I've been lucky enough to maintain my addictions to air, water and food.  

Now that I've been out of the workforce for 2+ years, I miss work for only one reason - the social aspect of being in an office.  Towards the end of my work life, I knew that my efforts were underappreciated.  At the bank, I was no longer in the location where the company was growing, I was in a field that was quickly dying off, and I had been unable to make the transition to a new skill set in time to maintain my value to the corporation.  I was a misfit for the first job after leaving the bank .  And then, the next 2 jobs had no room for future growth.  So I'm glad that I have my days to myself.

Even with having days to myself, I'm finding that I'm attending fewer meetups.  More of them are being held on weekends, and I am no longer free on weekends.  More of my time is committed to being with RQS (and her time with me) than I ever had with XGFJ.  We stumbled into a solid relationship, and I make sure to tell her how lucky I feel that she's with me on this part of my journey through life.  Contrast this with my brother's life.  My sister in law's illness has put extreme stress on their relationship, and he stays away from the house to maintain his peace of mind.  Earlier in the year, he booked a Mediterranean cruise for August, and then cancelled it for reasons other than he wanted to mention - I think my sister in law's illness played a part in his decision.  Virtually all of his travel now is without his wife, and I feel sorry that they do not travel together to see their offspring.  I wouldn't trade my life with RQS for his life with his wife.  I prefer to spend my time with RQS when possible.

I am worried about what will happen over the next 4 years.  The president-elect is being reckless with his nominations, and will likely alienate us from the free world.  More important to me is the GOP's attitude towards transgender people.  Although I could live in stealth mode, I don't trust the powers that be not to violate my civil rights.  So I am working on getting a second passport.

So many things are in flux right now.  And yet, I feel calm.  Somehow, I'll find a way to survive and prosper - in spite of the world around me.

 

It would have been my late wife's 70th birthday today

 

Above is a photo of my late wife.  She was a wonderful woman, but not without her flaws. She, like the building she was in, is long gone.  But why am I mentioning this here today?

- - - - - -

I've been widowed more than twice as long as I was married.  Little things such as the color of her eyes have become hard to remember.  Only other little things remain, such as she said the word "Nasty".  And yet, she has always remained a presence in my life - if only as a memory that connects me to being a young, immature adult.

My wife knew that I enjoyed wearing women's clothing.  But I never would dare going outside in such things.  She tolerated me more than anything else.  Yet, I wonder what she would think had she survived her cancer and lived to this day.  Would we have gotten divorced over this, or for other reasons.  (If so, it would likely be our lack of communications skills, and for resentments that built themselves up over time.)  Would she have embraced me, and encouraged me to become the trans woman I became?  (This is less likely, given that we would be Baby Boomers with all the prejudices absorbed during that era.)  Would I have been satisfied with her after another 10+ years?  Would the love still be there after all we would have gone through?  There are so many questions that can't be answered, as that time line never came to be.

Losing my wife at the age of 39 did one hell of a number on me.  It made me afraid of not having someone to cling to when times got rough.  Yet, I didn't have the emotional age to supply that support to others.  After she died, I ended up in a string of relationships over the next 25 years before finding my current partner.  Will we stand the test of time?  I don't know.  But we have gotten off to a good start.

- - - - - -

Being trans puts a crimp into finding romantic partners.  Aging puts a crimp into finding new friends. As an older trans person, I understand why many older trans people can get quite depressed - I've been a victim of depression myself.  Yet, I make the choice every day - do I get up and live, or do I give in to depression?  So far, I choose to live.

If my wife had lived, we'd likely have become poor parents.  Since she couldn't bear children, we'd have had to adopt a child.  But then, we'd have to move to a bigger place that we couldn't afford on my salary.  Could I have done better in my career and progressed further (with appropriate pay increases)? I'm not so sure, as I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a wide range of people.  So, I consider it lucky that we didn't have kids, as I don't think I'd have been able to raise them on my own.

- - - - - -

At this time of year, I often look backwards and examine where I have been and how I could have done better in life.  Recently, I realized something from childhood that I don't like - I used to look for the simple, brute force solution for problems.  It took me many years to look for subtle solutions to more complex problems.  Too bad that I didn't have this kind of insight earlier in life.

Yet, as I said in earlier posts, I now try to take life one day at a time.  I am concerned about the chaos our next president may bring.  But it is not triggering paralyzing fear, as it is now doing in many on the left.  There is a clarity I have now that I wouldn't have had a decade ago.  Is it because I've gained some wisdom?  Or, am I taking advantage of depression, and living life without a guarantee of a brighter tomorrow?  Who knows?  This doesn't mean that I can't get worked up when thinking about the possible chaos.  It only means that I'm choosing to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the potential chaos and not getting sucked into intense feelings when not needed.

As a trans person, I am concerned about what will happen over the next few years.  But, having lost a spouse, I have a better perspective on life.  She needed to be with someone with a cooler head than she had, and I now need to stay cool while chaos is all around.  And as long as I can, I'll try to keep posting here while I have something to say about the world we live in.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

 

Right now, many things have been going thru my head.  Here's a list of some of the things that are giving me a little angst:

1. Trump's Cabinet Choices. 
   
   All of our future president's cabinet choices so far seem to have escaped from a clown car.  People such as RFK Jr. should be nowhere near any positions of power in any agency related to public health.  While watching the news, I was reminded about RFK's visit to Samoa, and the misinformation he likes to spread regarding vaccines.
   
   
2. Trump's Political Revenge.
   
   DJT has vowed to take revenge on people who opposed him.  Can we afford for the Justice Department to be weaponized?  I doubt it.
   
   
3. A possible upcoming trade war.
   
   We get cheap goods from the world over.  We can no longer produce low-cost goods, as they depend on low-cost labor.  Who can afford to live in the US if paid Mexican wages?  Making threats against Canada and Mexico will be counter productive, as the economies of the 3 nations are tightly integrated.  Do we want to dismantle NAFTA (or, whatever it is called now)?  I don't.  Most US goods are produced with other goods sourced from around the world.  We can not untangle this profitable web of trade connections without becoming North Korea.
   
   
4. The Christian Nationalist war against the LGBT community.
   
   When blowhards are trying to deny Sarah McBride her right to relieve herself in one of the Capitol's lavatories, it shows how deep seated hatreds based on religious bias can cause us harm. We're seeing states like Texas, Louisiana, and Florida making moves to teach the bible in their public school classrooms.  Do we want to become like Iran, where only one religion and one standard of behaviors is acceptable?  I don't think so.
   
   
5. Health Care.
   
   Recently, my partner, RQS had a medical issue that caused her to go to the emergency room, and then be admitted to the hospital.  However, once admitted, the hospital's bureaucracy got in the way of her being released due to non-medical reasons, causing he to miss having a fancy holiday dinner at a local restaurant.  Something has to be done to monitor both the progress of medical care, as well as the administrative process that could result in a person being kept in the hospital longer than medically needed.
   
   No one likes feeling like a product on an assembly line, and that is how RQS felt during her stay in the hospital.  Somehow, patients' emotional well being has become the least important item in a hospital's priority list.  No wonder why people fear going to the doctor.  Once a person has no control over any part of what is being done to him/her, they avoid losing any control at any cost.  The emotional trade off isn't worth having good health.
   
   
6. Family.
   
   My brother and sister in law do not have the best of marriages.  One day, when my brother was out, I called the house and we got into a conversation.  Without going into details here, she still loves my brother, but feels like she is being neglected by him.  On his side, he resents how her illness has affected his life - as if it was a moral failure.  It is a recipe for disaster, as neither of them are able to communicate well with each other, and long standing resentments get in the way of breaking down the walls between them.
   
   
7. Friends.
   
   The divisive political climate we have in the USA reminds many of a dysfunctional marital relationship, where two spouses constantly bicker all the time.  Sadly, my country at a macro level reflects what many people are experiencing at a micro level.  For example, the friend who was the best man at my wedding has changed in a very different way than I have.  He has effectively consumed the Kool-Aid, while I have learned to detect it and avoid it.  His attitude towards transgender people would be acceptable in the backwoods of Texas or in the deep reaches of Louisiana's Bayou country, but not around here.  I believe in live and let live, not imposing yourself on others.  I can only imagine his reaction if he knew I was Trans.
   
   Other friends are more accepting.  The host and hostess of game night have a Trans child, and have no problems with me.  Yes, their child has to live in both worlds and make their way through life.  Yet, the parents are preparing their child for their life ahead.  It's amazing that when people are continually exposed to different people how accepting of differences they become.
   
   
8. Planned and Unplanned Expenses.
   
   I bought my car knowing that I'd be spending a prince's ransom to keep it in running order. This is not a bad thing.  If one has a well designed car, one can keep it on the road for a long time with proper maintenance.  I was willing to trade money for a safer car than I was driving for the past 10 years.
   
   However, cell phones are designed to be disposable commodities.  I hate spending money on a new phone when the old one works perfectly well, but should need only minor maintenance.  In my case, my current cell phone has a dying battery that needs immediate replacement.  (It shouldn't even be used until the battery is replaced.)  Sadly, my phone wasn't designed in a way that I could replace the battery (as I could with my first cell phone).  Instead, I have to buy a new phone, or order a replacement battery and have a specialist install it for me.  Something is very wrong here.
   
   Now that I am retired, I am much more sensitive to money that leaves my wallet.  Yes, I'm in the age bracket where one should expect to drain one's lifetime savings.  And yet, the weight of all these expenses will always bother me a bit.
   

I am sickened by petty politics

 

Sarah McBride.  The first transwoman elected to congress.  And the GOP scum is trying to make her life miserable by denying her the right to go to the women's room to relieve herself.  There is no end to the GOP's cruelty.

- - - - - -

Why do I bring up Sarah's name and not the name(s) of the human garbage who'd denied this woman a basic right?  The answer is simple.  The people elected to control DC for the next 2-4 years do not even deserve to be recognized as humans.  So why identify them by name, when they deserve only to be recognized as animals that squeal, bleat, and make noises which have little meaning for people with even a single iota of humanity.

As you can guess, I am angry.  There is nothing I can do about it, save to request that people in GOP districts write to their congress critters and tell them to squash this attempt to dehumanize trans people. I live in one of these districts, and will be writing my congress critter shortly.  Please do the same before this woman is victimized by her own "colleagues" for petty political reasons.

As I wrote this, I am still in mourning

 

Sadly, my worst fears have come true.  The most successful Snake Oil salesman has conned a large enough percentage of America to accept him as a "Strongman" leader.  This is likely the end of America as we know it.  Only time will tell if our institutions can hold out against this tsunami of evil.

Election day has come and gone.  We will likely see a return of the Orange Monster, if the grim reaper doesn't harvest him first.  What does this mean for us transgender folk?  Well, we are likely to see religious zealots get control of many levers of government.  We are likely to see this nation become a kleptocracy.  We are likely to see hyperinflation caused by reckless financial policies.  We are likely to see our taxes spike because someone has to pay the debt created by the plutocrats.  And we are likely to see a rise of anti-transgender hatred from religious zealots, as we are among the groups that are usually targeted for use as scapegoats.

What can we do about it?

For some, we can still go into stealth mode.  That might allow us to hide in plain sight.  But it will not remove the danger, as we've seen other nations perform purges against us with no provocation.  (I'm reminded of Kristallnacht (11/9/38), where Nazi violence against German Jews caused the streets to be covered by broken glass - Hence, the name "Crystal Night.")

How many of us have second passports?  This is the time to start paperwork to acquire them.  I've started mine.  What about liquid, transportable assets?  Many of us don't have the resources to leave this country in a hurry if needed.  This doesn't mean that it would be easy for us to leave, even if we had passports.  One had to surrender all of one's assets to the Nazis to leave Germany, even if one had the ability to do so.

So what do we do?

First, don't act out of fear.  Don't let fear get in the way of rational thought.  No matter what happens, it'll take time for any evil bureaucracy to get things running smoothly.  And that will be the time we need to make our preparations to leave - if leaving is called for.  Are you Jewish?  Israel is always an option.  What about Ireland, Italy, Germany, and the UK?  If you have the right ancestry, they can be havens for us?  There are also many nations which provide citizenship by investment - some nations offer sanctuary for only $50k.  If you can't get citizenship by birthright, one might want to explore this option.  A YouTube channel, the Nomad Capitalist can supply some of the information you need.  I like his most recent response to Trump's victory.

But in any case, start working on your exit plan now!  (You might need it soon.)

You've heard of "Gaydar." Now, there is "Transdar." - a quick post

 

Recently, I headed off to the local Walmart to pick up a corded mouse for a computer I had lying around.  After buying the mouse (and a few other things), I was on my way out of the store and one of the check-out ladies said hello....

After a few minutes of chatting with this woman and one of her associates, she said that I always looked good when I came into the store, then asked a question: "How long have you been in transition?"  In one sense, it floored me that someone would ask this question.  And in another, it confirmed something I already knew - my size often gives my "transness" away.  So, we chatted a few minutes, and found out that she was trans, and possibly young enough to be my granddaughter.  She had to leave school because her stepdad wouldn't accept her, and that she's paying her bills on a Walmart salary.  (Compared to her, I have it very easy.)

This was a reminder to me to be thankful for what I have - it could always be much worse.

- - - - - -

I can't imagine outing myself at the age of 17.  It must have been very hard for this trans woman to even find a place to live and a job to pay for it.  We're very lucky that most people don't pay attention to us, and let us live our lives in peace.  However, I was glad that I noted that this is not always the case, as I do not want to take the risk of visiting places like Florida and Texas while they have anti-transgender laws in place.....

Trans people are more varied than one might think.

 

When many people think of trans people, they think of predecessors such as Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen.  Although these two trans women had severe gender dysphoria, we all share one characteristic: we all wish we were born into the other gender.  But that's the one thing that bonds us together, as many of us deal with this condition differently.

Many trans women take a path that involves exploring their sexuality, their gender presentation, and finally, body modification to make their bodies look as much like the image of themselves they want to be.  But this is still a simplification.  For many, gender preference is locked in at an early age, and only gets loosened up a bit when a trans person is exposed to the hormones of their identified gender.  One trans woman I know enjoys the idea of "adult play" with both sexes.  And yet, she has not been able to explore much after Gender Corrective Surgery (GCS or "the operation").  About the only thing she misses about life as a male is the ability to "go" standing up. 

Being "Out" as a trans person often prevents a person from finding romance.  For every trans person who finds romance, there may be up to 100 who are forced to give up on romance.  One of the reasons an ex-girlfriend broke up with me was that I am transgender.  It seems like most relationships break up because a transgender person comes "out".  This may be related to a subconscious fear that a partner's sexuality will contaminate the sexual identity of the other.  (Am I a lesbian if my male partner comes out as trans?)  Yet, there are many trans folk who go back and forth between male and female worlds with their partners' acceptance - including myself.

Not all trans folk need GCS.  For example the porn star,. Buck Angel, hasn't felt a need to modify his body to have genitalia resembling that of a cisgender male.  As such, he has a unique category in the world of porn.  Some of my trans acquaintances have had GCS, and others have not.  Most are happy with their decisions regarding the surgery, as those with mild gender dysphoria are happy not having to go through a painful surgery and not having to dilate themselves several times each day.

You'll notice that I haven't yet mentioned social class, political affiliation, education level and sports.  Most trans folk remain interested in the same pastimes they enjoyed before coming out. identify as belonging to the same social class (not necessarily economic class), retain the same political affiliation (yes, it's strange to see GOP trans people staying loyal to the party when it is anti-trans), come from all levels of education and enjoy both "male" and "female" social interests.

Being trans may seem strange to many, but it is just as strange to us at times....

A very brief political interlude

 

I often don't pay much attention to political races not concerning my state.  But this article caught my eye a few days after the recent election - Danica Roem was just elected to the first transgender state senator in the South.

Danica first caught my attention when she ran for office and bested her GOP opponent, someone who deliberately misgendered her at every chance.  Obviously, this bigoted waste of a human did not win, as her district saw through his bigoted message and saw Danica as someone who could deliver for them.  After 2 terms in Virginia's lower house, she has now been elected to Virginia's upper chamber.

Will anti-Transgender propaganda hurt Danica?  Maybe.  But she's a tough woman, and believes that her duty is to serve the people first, and ignore the meaningless noises from the RED peanut gallery.  Hopefully, she will go on to the national stage soon, as I think she knows how to win against prejudice....

Congratulations Danica!!!!

Often, being Transgender is very mundane.

 

There are many trans people who get lost in the pink fog, and rush into things needlessly.  Yes, they have new found freedom in being able to express their authentic selves.  But they often forget that the real world usually doesn't care whether a person is trans or not.  As a result, many things slip while a trans person explores her/his new place in the world.  Eventually, the trans person and reality have to get back in sync with each other, and the mundane things in life take over.  This is not a bad thing.  A successful transition will enable one to experience the mundane as one's authentic self.

As my loyal readers will note, many of the entries I've posted in this blog are not those where going out in the world is a novel experience, as they were in my previous blog.  Instead, my current entries are those which deal with the issues I face in life - either as a male or female.  Many of them have unusual twists, such as my travels while presenting as a female and carrying male ID.  Yet, I try to say things that might be of interest to the trans person just coming out.  It takes a lot of courage for many trans people to out themselves.  And for many, they are unable to be completely out because of their real life commitments.  For example, one trans woman I know is a doctor whose wife accepts her presenting as a female, as long as she doesn't go 24x7. (There are issues with both her career and her family that get in the way of being out to the world.)  Another trans woman I know outed herself, and lost contact with many in her family. Trans people often lose family, friends and careers in order to be their authentic selves, so I encourage trans people considering outing themselves to think things through and be careful when they do so.

At my stage of being trans, I exist in a happy medium.  Since I am not very gender dysphoric, I can live in either gender as needed.  But I must revert to being Marian for my sanity.  I am comfortable staying at this point in the transition process for romance, unlike many trans folk. And in this way, I am lucky, as I have someone who accepts me for who and what I am now.  Others are not so lucky.  Recently, I found out that one trans woman I know reverted to her male identity for romance,  and has recently returned to a female identity.  (Did romance influence either or both changes?)   

One thing I wish I could change more effectively is my voice - it is still picked up as being male on the phone.  And this is something that many M2F trans people have to deal with.  A trans acquaintance of mine had surgery to raise the pitch of her voice. But she is still perceived as a male over the phone, as her speech patterns still have a masculine imprint.  It takes a lot of work to develop female vocal mannerisms, but it doesn't get in the way for most of us in our lives.

So now, we end up dealing with the mundane.  I still have to pay my bills throughout the month.  I still have doctors' appointments for our ailments (as I will have a week from today for a GI Tract issue).  And I still need to take care of the everyday tasks of life, such as laundry.  Most of the time, a trans person's life will be mundane, as other than our gender dysphoria, we are living everyday lives.  Even when something "exciting" happens (such as having a wallet stolen in Chicago), I do what I would be doing as if I were simply a cisgender person, and am treated the same as if I were just a cisgender person.  The only difference is that I have to be on the watch out for people who hate trans people because we don't fit into their view of the world.  And that's a small price I pay for being my authentic self.....     

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

 

The full quote — “There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics” — has been attributed to Mark Twain, who himself attributed it to British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli, who might never have said it in the first place.  In 2020's America, this phrase takes on even more meaning with the misinformation circulating in "conservative" information bubbles.  False information is being spread by certain "Newscasters" in order to keep pliable masses supporting people who don't give a damn about their welfare.

- - - - - -

Recently, I watched a YouTube video by Steve Shives featuring a political candidate who spoke the GOP's "quiet parts out loud."   Sadly, this fictional candidate's speech is too close to the truth for comfort.  For example, I was once "defriended" by a transgender woman who stated that New York's abortion law protected abortions up to and including the 9th month of pregnancy. There is a certain ignorance and suspension of reality in such a belief.  If a woman carries a fetus into the 9th month of pregnancy, she likely wants the baby to be born.  If there is an abortion, it is likely to be to save the life of the mother.  The same type of misinformation was said when the GOP bashed Obamacare - most people kept doing to their doctors of choice, and it reduced costs for the states that expanded Medicaid. Worst of all was our 45th president claiming that "secret evidence" proved that he won the election. People died in the January 6th 2021 assault on the Capitol building because of this man's lies, and yet, he still walks free.

The "Religious Right" has lost many of the cultural battles it has fought recently, and they are now focusing on Transgender people as convenient targets.  How does it hurt people to amend birth certificates when Gender Corrective Surgery is performed?  Yet, in some states, this change is banned, leaving many transgender people in a state of legal limbo.  What about transgender medical care, preventing TG youth from having an incorrect puberty?  Does this hurt the larger society?  Even going to the restroom can be a problem, as many states have passed "Bathroom Bills" which restrict people to use only those restrooms associated with the gender people were associated with at birth.  Being transgender, I can't risk seeing friends in Texas because of laws like this.

We must be on the alert when false information is being spread about us.  Even if we are in stealth mode, we must always speak out against the lies spread by our enemies.  Although it is a small segment of America which is out to attack us, it holds disproportionate influence over one of our two major political parties.  We can't let that one party win while radicals hold control of that party, as it is an existential threat to us.

Truth doesn't always win out.  People who believe in the truth must fight lies whenever their seed reaches fertile ground.  Take on the fight, and fight hard - our lives depend on it!

 

 

Game night and seeing an old friend - a short post.

 

My friend was up from Florida this week, but neither of us had the time to get together on our own.  She is blissfully ignorant of politics, and had no idea of how the governor of her state is hurting transgender youth.  Once I mentioned things as they are in the real world, she was a little upset.   But then, most people prefer to tune politics out of their lives, as they don't see the value of knowing what's going on behind closed doors leading to smoke filled rooms. I'm not out to knock this friend, as she has a warm and loving heart.  What I am out to say is that she made it to game night, and I had the first chance to see her in several years.

Tonight's game lasted way too long, and I tuned out long before the game was over.  There were way too many things to keep track of in this game, and my mind wasn't up to it - especially with two strong minded fellows "arguing" about the rules of the game.  I was only going through the motions, so that I'd have a pleasant evening - which I did.

After game night was over, I chatted outside with my friend and caught up on things.  She knows I'm trans, and it doesn't bother her.  If I weren't attached, I could see the two of us traveling together.  But, I am, and want to keep it that way.  All too soon, we had to part.  She had to drive back to Connecticut, where she was staying until the weekend, and I had to drive back to my apartment.  On the way home, I caught up with RQS on our nightly phone call.  It'll be nice to see her again, and I hope that nothing gets in the way of doing so....