Spring is coming and I am not!

 

With a title like that, you'd think that this non-op trans gal would want to be in an advertisement for ED drugs.  But you'd be wrong!  What I'm talking about here is our political landscape and the lies that were implied by the rebuttal to our president's State of the Union address.

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Now, I rarely listen to any political speeches, as they tend to be things to stir up a politician's base, that of his party, or both.  Nothing important is usually said, except when they are causes for alarm.  Even Trump's rants are not worth listening to, as nothing important is being said, save that he claims to be a victim of the "Deep State" and that he intends to get even if he is returned to power.  Yet, some people hang on every word.  

To me, she shorter the speech, the better.  Lincoln said a lot in a few words at Gettysburg.  It remains one of the most powerful speeches ever written in the English language.  Yet, it was so short, that photographers didn't have the time to set up their cameras to capture Lincoln while at the podium.  Does anyone remember much about Kennedy's speeches, other than the phrase "Ask not what your country can do for you..."?  What about Churchill's "Iron Curtain" speech?  If anything, we remember a catch phrase from these speeches, such as Reagan's "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."  So, I didn't bother watching Biden's SOTU address, as nothing of note (other than its tone) might be worth noting.

However, I did get convinced to watch the GOP's rebuttal to Biden.   It was so bad, that I couldn't get through watching the whole thing, as it could be right out of an ad to become a handmaiden in "A Handmaiden's Tale."  Several comedic takes were made of this speech, including a version on Saturday Night Live.  In short, the rebuttal showed how the mainstream of the GOP wants to return America to the 1950's, where white women were kept at home, LGBTQ's were kept in the closet, and where Blacks, Latinos, and Asians were nowhere to be seen - except as "domestic" workers, farm hands, and Chinese laundries.

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If the GOP thinks that their rebuttal speech will cause more people to come to the GOP's way of thinking, they must be "nucking futs!"  They have shown how out of touch they are with the American public as a whole.  Yes, much of the GOP still lives in areas where it is 1955.  But even then, Jackie Robinson was leading Brooklyn's beloved Dodgers to their only World Series title earned in Brooklyn.

The world has changed, in most ways for the better.  I hope that we can get as many of our friends in swing states to vote our way - if only to protect the hard earned freedoms we now have.  The only return to the 1950's I want is on a functioning time machine, so that I can see the Dodgers win the Series, and to see Don Larson pitch his perfect game in the Series the next year.

Trans people are more varied than one might think.

 

When many people think of trans people, they think of predecessors such as Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen.  Although these two trans women had severe gender dysphoria, we all share one characteristic: we all wish we were born into the other gender.  But that's the one thing that bonds us together, as many of us deal with this condition differently.

Many trans women take a path that involves exploring their sexuality, their gender presentation, and finally, body modification to make their bodies look as much like the image of themselves they want to be.  But this is still a simplification.  For many, gender preference is locked in at an early age, and only gets loosened up a bit when a trans person is exposed to the hormones of their identified gender.  One trans woman I know enjoys the idea of "adult play" with both sexes.  And yet, she has not been able to explore much after Gender Corrective Surgery (GCS or "the operation").  About the only thing she misses about life as a male is the ability to "go" standing up. 

Being "Out" as a trans person often prevents a person from finding romance.  For every trans person who finds romance, there may be up to 100 who are forced to give up on romance.  One of the reasons an ex-girlfriend broke up with me was that I am transgender.  It seems like most relationships break up because a transgender person comes "out".  This may be related to a subconscious fear that a partner's sexuality will contaminate the sexual identity of the other.  (Am I a lesbian if my male partner comes out as trans?)  Yet, there are many trans folk who go back and forth between male and female worlds with their partners' acceptance - including myself.

Not all trans folk need GCS.  For example the porn star,. Buck Angel, hasn't felt a need to modify his body to have genitalia resembling that of a cisgender male.  As such, he has a unique category in the world of porn.  Some of my trans acquaintances have had GCS, and others have not.  Most are happy with their decisions regarding the surgery, as those with mild gender dysphoria are happy not having to go through a painful surgery and not having to dilate themselves several times each day.

You'll notice that I haven't yet mentioned social class, political affiliation, education level and sports.  Most trans folk remain interested in the same pastimes they enjoyed before coming out. identify as belonging to the same social class (not necessarily economic class), retain the same political affiliation (yes, it's strange to see GOP trans people staying loyal to the party when it is anti-trans), come from all levels of education and enjoy both "male" and "female" social interests.

Being trans may seem strange to many, but it is just as strange to us at times....

Forgetfulness

 

One thing many seniors notice as we age is that we have a harder time recalling things.  I fear extreme memory loss, as I would lose many of the emotional skills I've developed since I was middle aged.  

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We all have times where a word takes time to come to mind, where other mental pathways need to be used to access the right word to communicate an idea. As we get older, many of us get up and forget for a minute why we did so.  Given that people close to me have suffered with dementia, I can say that is one of my least favorite ways that I could progress to meeting my maker.

So, what does this have to do with being transgender?

Well, if I go too much further down my path, I could be in a situation where my body doesn't match what mind tells me I am at the current moment.  In the extreme case, I could see a totally feminized version of me thinking I was male, only because that is how I identified while younger.  That would be a form of hell for me and the people who would take care of me.

These are the type of thoughts that slow me in my path towards femininity.  If I were in my 20's with years to reprogram my mind, I wouldn't worry much.  However, I am in my mid 60's, and realize how important mental imprints are when a person ages.  In senility, the oldest memories are the ones that go last.  And this is what can keep me up at night.

Sometimes, one has to take a break to think a little

 

My original plan for this Sunday was to get up and get out of the house by noon, so that we could visit one or two car dealerships (Mazda & Subaru) to close out the weekend.  Well, that didn't happen, because we decided to stay indoors and not brave the cold.

However, I found that I might need to buy a new refrigerator soon, and I must start preparing for that day.  It's amazing how much food I have stored in the freezer, and how much I'll have to either store at a friend's place (or eat) before the ice box dies.  Luckily, I can afford to replace the refrigerator right now.  But I'm hoping that I can empty the old ice box before it dies.

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As I write this, I am watching "The Doors" on Amazon.  It's a good film, but it makes me feel sad.  No one would do an intervention for him, and he was a walking time bomb ready to destroy himself at any moment.  It seems like great musicians die of car crashes, plane crashes, drug overdoses, or gunshot wounds.  An unnatural death for a musician, as I like to put it, is to die in one's sleep at a very old age.  But why is this so?  I think greatness in the arts is often counterbalanced with a sickness in the soul that comes out in unhealthy behaviors.

I look at myself in my former career.  My greatest achievements took place when I was fighting off my worst demons.  When I started to get my act together and heal my soul, I got less interested in what I was doing. By the end of that career, I was just going through the motions - I'd been there and done that.

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I consider myself lucky.  Although I have lost most of my passion, I have peace of mind.  And this allows me to have a healthy relationship with RQS.  I am very thankful for that. And I am also very thankful that she accepts me for who and what I am, as most women would be scared of being in a relationship with a transgender person.

Precious Time and Bucket Lists

 

When I was younger, I sometimes felt like there were never enough hours in the day.  Although I feel this less and less as I get older, I find that there are not enough days in the week.  Today was occupied by two things: Shoveling my car out from the snow, and a co-op board meeting to be held in the evening.  As I get older, I dislike shoveling snow more and more, and would prefer to have a garage where I can put my car in case of bad weather.  

Why might you ask that I'm complaining of not having enough time?

The answer is simple.  The older we get, the less time we have to spend.  And, we're also fighting the body's normal decay process as well.  I have less energy to spend on things, which means that it takes me more time to do the things I could do in less time when younger.

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Knowing that I have only so much time left to me makes me think - what do I want to do with the rest of the good years of my life?  The process of answering that question also spends a portion of the time I have left to me.  Although my apartment is a mess (being perfectly tidy is a low priority for me), I still want the creature comforts that money can buy for me - such as a working range hood fan over my stove.  Being serious, I've already generated a bucket list of things to do and see.  Yet, like in the movie, the Bucket List, I've found that many of the things must be done by more than one person, including the completion of that list.

I consider myself lucky that RQS has been with me for the past 2 years, as I have a companion for that ride into old, old age.  And I feel that she feels the same way about me, especially when I have opened her up to new possibilities in life.  Yet, I don't think that either of us will complete the things we want to do on our bucket lists.  There is only so much time, and it becomes more precious every day.

Fortunately, I am out to the world in regard to being transgender.  This takes a big load off of my mind. Overcoming the fear of wondering what people might think made it easier to pursue other things on the bucket list with much less fear, as I have found that most of us worry about many things needlessly.  If we were to ask ourselves "what's the worst thing that could reasonably happen?" in a given situation might free us up to do things we might not otherwise do.  Heck, I've had to deal with a stolen wallet last year, and I was able to recover from it.  Many of us have had to deal with broken limbs, or worse.  Yet, we recovered.  So, if these are the worst things that could happen, why not try to check off items on your bucket list before it's too late to do so?

I'd love to see your opinions on this....

Dinner with a Transgender friend

 

It's not every day that I can get together with another person from our transgender community.  It takes a while for our conversations to get going because we come from opposite sides of the spectrum.  But, in the end, we get to chatting like typical ladies - albeit, not in the way one would expect.

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We arranged to meet at the restaurant at dinner time, but we screwed up which dinner time that was.  So, I ended up being 1/2 hour early, yet 1/2 hour late according to SKB's initial impressions of our time frame.  (I take half of the blame here, as I could have chosen the earlier to get there and we both could have gotten there at the originally expected time.)  One thing I can say - I don't want to be walking out on a side street near Atlantic Terminal / Barclay's Center after rush hour.  But I digress.  SKB ended up being later than expected due to a hunt for a parking spot. (There are many good reasons that I use mass transit in congested parts of big cities.) 

In many ways, SKB is the opposite of me.  I identify as a person who is left of center by today's standards. (I'd likely be considered a Goldwater Republican, the way he was towards the end of his life.)  SKB identifies as a person who is right of center.  I have almost no interest in sports, save for an interest in the history of baseball.  SKB has an interest in the most American of sports, football.  We should be like oil and water, but we always seem to have good conversations.

All too soon, our conversation had to end.  SKB was able to reach her house in 30 minutes, while it took me 30 minutes to reach Grand Central Terminal.  Since it was after 9:00 pm when I got there, almost every place where I could get a bottle of fizzy water was closed (or was closing down).  Luckily, one place was still open at 9:30, and I was able to get my seltzer before hopping on the train.

Normally, I get on a train that has a stop or two before reaching Croton.  This time, I caught the express whose first stop is in Croton.  As a result, I had to fight to stay awake just enough not to miss my station, instead of being able to fall asleep until the last stop.  Yet, I made it home by 11:00 pm, and was ready to fall asleep by midnight.

Planning for the future

 

I am a male with gender non-conforming presentation, or I am a transgender woman with very mild gender dysphoria.  In either case, I have to think about my future, and my potential needs as I grow old.  This means I may need to find senior care facilities which accommodate and cater to people like me.  I don't think I'll feel comfortable if I'm forced to present as Mario for the rest of my life.  And I don't think I'd feel comfortable if I'm only able to be with queer people like me.  I need to be in a place where I can mix between both worlds - something which may not be possible for a baby boomer like me.

Although there are services for the senior LGBT community, such as senior housing and senior centers, I will try to live on my own for as long as possible.  Yet, I will eventually need to find housing that fits the needs of an older version of myself, and I expect that there will not be enough of this type of housing when I need it.  So what will I do?  I have no children.  My niece and nephew live far enough away that they might as well not exist.  Having a spouse/partner in old age may help for a while, but she will also be suffering the slings and arrows of old age at the same time as I do.  If I were to dwell on it much, I'd be scared.  But I look at things like this as they come and address them when they come.

Yet, I wonder - what will the future bring?

As I see it, it's very important for me to build up a social network now, so that I have people I can ask for help as I need it.  For example, my tax preparer, an enrolled agent, has retired, and I have been asking around for references.  Hopefully, I will find one soon, as I would prefer to use someone other than the person I could use as a fall back.  I can only imagine what it will be like when I can no longer drive or go up/down stairs and have to move.  Who will be there to help me handle my affairs?  (Maybe I can ask my uncle about this when I visit him this spring.)  This is only the tip of the iceberg that is "growing old in today's America" and I have yet to find the answers I need.

Any ideas?

The high point of my day was at lunch

 

It's hard to believe that it has been 4 years since I've worked at the census, and 4 years since I felt comfortable with being 'out' as a transgender person.  Today, I met with one of my friends from the census and had a nice lunch.

My friend (let's call her CSC) and I have been trying to meet on a monthly basis since our work on the census ended.  And we've been able to keep up to date on happenings in our lives since then.  She's shared information on family events, her travels, and on things in general - and I've done the same.  The one thing I'll share about our conversation is how her dietary restrictions have affected her when dining out....

CSC comes from a Jewish family.  As a result, she lived in a kosher household and has never eaten pork or shellfish.  That is not an issue for her.  She is allergic to peanuts, peas, and bananas.  She is also a vegetarian who once ate meat in the past.  So, she finds herself having to talk about dietary issues every time she goes out to eat.  Even when she does so, things can go a little wrong as it did today; A pea was found in the yellow rice served to her, and she had to send it back for some white rice.  (A minor issue, Yes.  But she could have suffered a severe allergic reaction.)  She told me about visits to restaurants which had no vegetarian options on the menu, where the chef concocted some very tasty dishes just for her.  And she told me about restaurants that said they couldn't accommodate her - then they did.  Nowadays,  it's much easier for her, as most restaurants are willing to have both vegan and gluten free foods on the menu, as well as knowing how to keep "special requirements" food prepared separately from "regular" food.

All too soon, it was time to go.  So we made plans for the following month and went on our way.

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Once home, I had to switch back to Mario mode.  I had a handyman coming over to see about replacing the exhaust fan/ceiling light in the bathroom.  This will be a slightly more expensive project than I planned, as he suggested that he repaint the ceiling after he finishes installing the fixture.  (The ceiling paint has started to flake off in one area, and I've deferred doing this work.)  So, I handed him a deposit, and he will buy all the supplies needed for the job - and he will get back to me to schedule the work.

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Now that my 15 minutes as Mario was over with, it was time to switch back into Marian mode for a zoom call with my friends from Texas and RQS.  I'll bet that they noticed that I was exhausted, but I was able to stay awake during our meeting.  (Again, I didn't get enough good sleep the night before.)  Hopefully, we will all be able to get together again in 2025.  But that's another story.  Shortly afterwards was my nightly call with RQS to end my day.

Sooner or later, I'll have to figure out a way to wear jeans

 

One of the problems with being transgender is that I have a woman's mind with a male body.  Most of the time, I have a nice combination of the two worlds, as I have insights into both male and female ways of life.  This has allowed me to give good advice to TCL as she navigates the dating world and sees how flaky men can be when they have the upper hand.  (The demographics of senior life can be a bitch when one looks for a partner.)  But this combination gets in the way when I shop for clothes, as the lower half of my body prevents me from wearing many garments well.  Jeans are among those types of garments.

Women have bigger hips than men.  Any trouser like garments I want to wear from the women's side of the aisle must have stretch in them so that they fit on my masculine waist.  This is why I tend to wear upper body garments that drape over the middle of my body - I need to hide my waist line (in part because I am fat), draping cloth over areas where my clothes don't fit that well.. This limits what kind of trouser like garments I can wear well, and when I can wear them.

Yet, there are certain situations where a jean like garment is useful - such as when one wants to dress very casually.  And this is where I have problems.  Women's trousers tend to hang in the wrong place and roll down at the waist.  So I have avoided jeans for my wardrobe.  But I have embraced leggings under tunics.  So, I may consider jeggings in the future, as they look like jeans and fit like leggings. It's a compromise, but not the one I really want: a pair of women's jeans that also fit my body well (an oxymoron, at best).

Talking with a rare set of parents

 

I'm not going to say how I know this pair of parents.  But they have a trans child, and love that child unconditionally.  If I were to live my life over, I'd love to have parents like this couple.  (No, I'm not complaining about my parents.  But I'm not sure of how they would feel if I came out to them before I hit puberty.)

Chatting with this child's parents, I was pleased to find out that they were disenchanted with the parental support group that meets while their children socialize with other trans kids.  Why is this a good thing?  Well, they accept their child for who they are: Male, Female, or Bi-Gendered.  They do not ask why their child identifies differently than the gender they were assigned to at birth.  They simply focus on what's best for their child, instead of the image of what they thought their child would be as an adult.  Others in the parental support group have major difficulties in this area, as they are dealing with their grief of not having a child growing up in the way originally expected.

What father doesn't want to see his son grow up to be just like him (in good ways)?  What mother doesn't want her daughter to grow up just like her (in good ways)?  It's hard on many parents to find out that their child is transgender.  There is no roadmap for this.  Parents have to "wing it" and find their way on their own, as many friends and family will insist that "this is only a phase the child is going through" or "this can be fixed with the right instruction."  But it's not.  Most transgender children know that there is something different about them from an early age.

In our conversation, I noted that I could never talk to my parents about being trans, nor can I talk to my brother about this today.  Most of my friends know I am trans, but some of my long time friends (who I haven't seen in years) would go nuts if they found out about this part of me.  So I have to be very careful, unless I want to burn bridges that I don't yet want to burn.  Thankfully, this trans child will likely not have this problem going through life, thanks to the their parents.

As I said earlier - their child is lucky to have these people as parents, and I am very glad that I know them.

I'm surprised that I never heard about this man before

 

The other day, I attended a meetup at a local brewpub where a weekly trivia night was being held.  Given that I am transgender, I was very surprised that I didn't know about this man, NYPD Detective Ori Harbor.

Mr. Harbor is the first openly transgender detective in the NYC Police Department.  I guess that my ignorance was caused by two things: (1) I rarely watch the old-line broadcast networks anymore, and (2) I often take it for granted that the LGBT community gets to participate fully in social life in this area.  

I will admit that I live in a news bubble that skews to the left these days.  But then, the American right wing has gone so far off the rails with its form of Christian White Nationalism. As a result, I discard much of what they have to say because their media of choice uses fear to keep people in line and to keep its plutocratic leaders in power.  

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A while back, I started saying that the one thing a MAGA supporter fears most are law abiding black men with guns, as they can't be intimidated (as a group) by threats of violence.  I'm glad that I have to amend this slightly, as I can include the LGBT community in the group that can't be intimidated.  With groups such as the Pink Pistols out there, I have growing faith that we can survive this wave of hatred and oppression that MAGA stands for.

 

????????

I didn't know what to write about when I started this entry.  Do I write about what went on in my life this weekend?  Do I write some commentary about what is going on in the world? Or, do I choose a topic at random and pontificate on it?  After a full day of thought, I had few ideas, so here goes....

1. I recently received a call from an old friend.  Although we both had said that if we reached the age of 60 without a partner, that we'd consider having a relationship.  As readers of this blog know, I am very happy with RQS as a partner, as we are alike in so many ways.  And I consider myself lucky that we didn't get together, as she is a train wreck of a person.

This friend knows I am transgender, and talked about a conspiracy to take children who question their sexual identity and treat them as either trans or gay/lesbian.  Although there may be some people who have this as an agenda, most trans people (and most schools) would never consider doing this.  At most, we'd want to have the child see a qualified psychotherapist for evaluation before anything else is done.

Our conversation morphed into talking about "Welfare Cheats", as if there was a moral problem with most of the people collecting social benefits.  She then started to think with her feelings and not her mind when she said that we should put unskilled people to work babysitting working folks' kids.  I countered with a single question: Would she want someone who us unvetted, unskilled, and otherwise unsuited to babysit children to be responsible for her child's welfare in any way?  The last thing I'd want to see is a person prone to violence in charge of my child.  Yes, people who have this philosophy will often backtrack and make exceptions for the flaws in their plans.  But in the end, they do not have well thought out positions.

2. RQS and I were looking for a place to have a fancy dinner on Christmas day.  It's amazing how few fine dining places are open on Christmas vs. Thanksgiving.  So I joked with my friend Vicki that RQS and I will become honorary Jews for Xmas and eat Chinese!  Vicki chuckled.....   She knew why Jews tend to go to Chinese places on Xmas - "Safe Treyf!"  (i.e. Non kosher food that is tasty, that doesn't look like the forbidden food it is.)

3. This morning, I received a call from UPS to ask me about a claim I filed regarding an item they claimed was delivered, but did not show up at my door until the following day.  As I was getting home (and prepared to make a return phone call to UPS), I met the UPS delivery guy in the hallway.  We chatted for a minute, and I explained what happened.  He confirmed my suspicion that UPS often uses USPS for last mile service (claiming the item has been delivered to my door when it wasn't) and that holiday season extra hires often do not know the routes and deliver goods to the wrong addresses. I was willing to confirm what happened on paper, and he said that I did the right thing.

4. I'm still trying to think of what to get RQS for a surprise Xmas gift.  She already knows the "big" item she is getting.  But I want to surprise her with something else.  (Any ideas?)

5. Now that my ears are pierced, I'm finding that I want to buy coordinated sets of earrings and necklaces w. pendant.  However, I'm finding that I end up doubling much of the expense, as I need to buy a longer chain for the pendant, so that it hits at the right place on my neck.

6. Every time I think of my upcoming cruise, I find that I missed something I should be packing. Today, I figured that I should pack a swimsuit, as I'll be in the Bahamas, and might want to take a dip in the hot tub. Will I end up doing this?  I'm not sure, as I don't want to wear my new falsies into the hot tub.  But I don't want to bring my older, ill fitting pool-safe falsies to stuff in my swimsuit's cups.

I could go on and on with my thoughts.  But I figure that my readers might be interested in the random thoughts going through my head these days.

 

 

A very brief political interlude

 

I often don't pay much attention to political races not concerning my state.  But this article caught my eye a few days after the recent election - Danica Roem was just elected to the first transgender state senator in the South.

Danica first caught my attention when she ran for office and bested her GOP opponent, someone who deliberately misgendered her at every chance.  Obviously, this bigoted waste of a human did not win, as her district saw through his bigoted message and saw Danica as someone who could deliver for them.  After 2 terms in Virginia's lower house, she has now been elected to Virginia's upper chamber.

Will anti-Transgender propaganda hurt Danica?  Maybe.  But she's a tough woman, and believes that her duty is to serve the people first, and ignore the meaningless noises from the RED peanut gallery.  Hopefully, she will go on to the national stage soon, as I think she knows how to win against prejudice....

Congratulations Danica!!!!

Tapas

As I understand things, Spanish style Tapas are supposed to look like the dishes above.  Last night, we went to a restaurant that claimed to serve tapas, but served (what at best) could be called American style appetizers) - and we enjoyed the meal.

But first....

This was not going to be a day out as Marian, as I had to carry a couple of heavy donation bags to my car to be dropped off at Green Drop and didn't leave myself much time to do so.  Once I took care of this effort (which wasn't too much of an effort at all), we went back home to take care of laundry before going out again.

NoMa Social is a Tapas restaurant located in a hotel with the same name.  It's in the old Radisson space in New Rochelle, NY, and primarily serves the people staying at the hotel.  In a bid to gain more local business, they partnered with Groupon.com to sell 50% off coupons that could be used for meals.  Since our coupon would expire soon (given our busy November/December schedule), we decided to use it now.  (My doctor would scold me, if he knew how many rich meals I'd be eating in a two week period. But I digress....)  So, it was off to New Rochelle, where we found NoMa with the help from Google Maps.

The restaurant part of the hotel is located to the side of the hotel's entrance.  It is bright, minimalist in appearance, where the bar is the center of attention.  Most of the place is a contrast of white and black, with animated deep sea images being projected on the full width and height of the wall.  We were told to sit down where we pleased, and our waitress arrived shortly afterwards.  We ordered the special for $68, which included a pitcher of sangria, with five dishes of our choice.  We chose the following dishes: Crispy Pork Belly, Fried Chicken Dumplings, Tacos (Shrimp, Chorizo, and Beef), Calamari, and Buffalo Wings.  Although none of these dishes were out of this world tasty, they were filling and left us with a feeling that we will return again if we're in the neighborhood.

Why did I feel like talking about a restaurant today, instead of talking more about my bi-gendered life?

Well, the answer is that most of us TG people live mundane lives.  Being TG is not the focus of our lives.  But most importantly, Restaurant Six (that RQS, Vicki and I went to the other night) didn't even have the courtesy to even apologize after receiving a harsh (but polite) complaint email. (See yesterday's post for more info.)  I simply wanted talk about having pleasure eating out for a change, and had the opportunity to do so.

Often, being Transgender is very mundane.

 

There are many trans people who get lost in the pink fog, and rush into things needlessly.  Yes, they have new found freedom in being able to express their authentic selves.  But they often forget that the real world usually doesn't care whether a person is trans or not.  As a result, many things slip while a trans person explores her/his new place in the world.  Eventually, the trans person and reality have to get back in sync with each other, and the mundane things in life take over.  This is not a bad thing.  A successful transition will enable one to experience the mundane as one's authentic self.

As my loyal readers will note, many of the entries I've posted in this blog are not those where going out in the world is a novel experience, as they were in my previous blog.  Instead, my current entries are those which deal with the issues I face in life - either as a male or female.  Many of them have unusual twists, such as my travels while presenting as a female and carrying male ID.  Yet, I try to say things that might be of interest to the trans person just coming out.  It takes a lot of courage for many trans people to out themselves.  And for many, they are unable to be completely out because of their real life commitments.  For example, one trans woman I know is a doctor whose wife accepts her presenting as a female, as long as she doesn't go 24x7. (There are issues with both her career and her family that get in the way of being out to the world.)  Another trans woman I know outed herself, and lost contact with many in her family. Trans people often lose family, friends and careers in order to be their authentic selves, so I encourage trans people considering outing themselves to think things through and be careful when they do so.

At my stage of being trans, I exist in a happy medium.  Since I am not very gender dysphoric, I can live in either gender as needed.  But I must revert to being Marian for my sanity.  I am comfortable staying at this point in the transition process for romance, unlike many trans folk. And in this way, I am lucky, as I have someone who accepts me for who and what I am now.  Others are not so lucky.  Recently, I found out that one trans woman I know reverted to her male identity for romance,  and has recently returned to a female identity.  (Did romance influence either or both changes?)   

One thing I wish I could change more effectively is my voice - it is still picked up as being male on the phone.  And this is something that many M2F trans people have to deal with.  A trans acquaintance of mine had surgery to raise the pitch of her voice. But she is still perceived as a male over the phone, as her speech patterns still have a masculine imprint.  It takes a lot of work to develop female vocal mannerisms, but it doesn't get in the way for most of us in our lives.

So now, we end up dealing with the mundane.  I still have to pay my bills throughout the month.  I still have doctors' appointments for our ailments (as I will have a week from today for a GI Tract issue).  And I still need to take care of the everyday tasks of life, such as laundry.  Most of the time, a trans person's life will be mundane, as other than our gender dysphoria, we are living everyday lives.  Even when something "exciting" happens (such as having a wallet stolen in Chicago), I do what I would be doing as if I were simply a cisgender person, and am treated the same as if I were just a cisgender person.  The only difference is that I have to be on the watch out for people who hate trans people because we don't fit into their view of the world.  And that's a small price I pay for being my authentic self.....     

Poly = Many, Tics = Flesh Eating Insects

 

As I write this, the House of Representatives has just elected a new Speaker - an ultra conservative lunatic. Why do I call him a lunatic?  Anyone who opposes late term abortions to preserve the life of the mother has to be crazy.  His policies, such as a total late term abortion ban, if enacted, will put the lives of many cisgender women at risk.  Even though I am transgender, and never will directly have anything at risk with this policy, I have to fight for those that do - else, I will have no excuse to ask cisgender women for help when these lunatics attack us transgender people.

The previous speaker was elected after 15 votes.  Before the election was over, no actions could be taken by the house.  Due to an action from a radical from the far right, the first speaker was removed from his position, and it took 3 weeks for a new speaker to be elected.  Since they didn't change the rule which allowed the former speaker to be removed, I fully expect that we will see someone invoke it to remove this speaker when the current spending bill expires.  (Will we have a government shutdown or not?  A House without a speaker when the spending bill expires will be a disaster. But I don't put it past the far right....)

So, where am I going with this?

Right now, the "right" is busy fighting amongst its allies.  Moderate "conservatives" are being coerced to give their votes to the radicals. (Look at how Jim Jordan's allies allegedly gave death threats to people who didn't support him for examples of this coercion.)  My congressional representative voted for the current speaker of the house.  This cemented my resolution to be part of the bloc that (hopefully) votes him out next year.

Given that transgender people will continue to be a target of the far right, I expect that attacks against us will resume soon.  This means that we must continue our efforts to get more trans people into positions of power, so that we (and our allies) to check and balance the power of the lunatic right until sanity (hopefully) can be restored to the GOP.

Most of us are not ready to "out" ourselves and be targets for the lunatics on the right.  But we can vote for our allies.  So, it's time to register to vote, and participate in local politics when possible.  As they say, all politics are local.  That's where we can make our first stand against lunacy.   And I intend to do just that....

I forgot it was a holiday, but the post office didn't.

 

I decided to return a dress I bought through Amazon.  It looked "just OK", but not good enough to keep right now.  So I boxed it up, printed a return label, and got set to bring the dress to the post office to be returned for credit.  One problem - today was a Federal Holiday, and I can't bring a package to a post office that's closed.  AARGH!  That's one more task I'll have to take care of tomorrow before my new sofa arrives.

After that, I figured that I should make a quick run to Walmart to pick up a couple of pairs of leggings.  Unfortunately, I misplaced those I used to wear to work under my tunics, and needed a couple to wear on my upcoming trip.  Again, a problem - the local Walmart didn't carry in my size.  So, I decided to drive up to Fishkill, where I found 2 pairs in my size in a color I could wear under tunic length dresses.

Do I intend to wear dresses without leggings if I can?  Yes!  I prefer wearing dresses whenever I can.  As a TG who lives on both sides of the gender coin, I prefer to wear dress like garments that reaffirm my feminine nature.  However, I'll have my leggings, so that I can be practical in the cooler autumn weather.

The awkwardness in my plan is that I'll be with RQS at her place the day before our trip, and there the night we return.  Why is this an issue?  No counter space in her bathroom.  I'll have to get made up in a hurry, and can't afford to skip anything, or to leave anything behind.

Keep your fingers crossed....

Keeping up with the laundry is so hard to do

 

Last night, I did two loads of laundry. What shouldn't surprise me anymore is that most of the clothing I was laundering was that of the female gender.  Yet, it does at times, as I find myself doing more and more things in my female presentation.  

With the above being said, I was surprised not about the contents of my laundry basket.  Instead, it was the surprise that I found another two loads more to do, and may have a third in a short while.  Given my age, I am fortunate that I can make it up and down the staircase to the laundry room three times (or more) when laundering my clothes.

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Unlike many cisgender males, this transgender woman prefers to do my own chores, albeit in a simplified masculine way.  This means that I look for garments that are able to be washed in warm water, even though they may be dried on a hanger or rack.  Yes, I have my delicates.  But they are few, and washed more carefully than my other garments.  I am the same way about dishes in the sink.  I wait until I have enough to spend a few minutes with my hands in hot and soapy water.  I am not in a rush to use my dishwasher, but when I do, everything is in its place.

In short, this transgender gal is a result of her masculine upbringing.  The little tasks that cisgender women are trained to do from girlhood are not tasks which I am good at.  Instead, I do "just enough" to keep things from falling apart.  In that way, I am very much like my father. I could have done worse than to have had him for a role model.

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Many women of my age say that a good number of men that they meet are looking for "a nurse and a purse."  One noted that a man she met was looking for another wife in the "June Cleaver" mold - someone you screw on the bed to get the housework done.  Luckily, I am not that kind of person.  All I ask for is a little bit of encouragement for me to get my needed things done, and I will do the same for her.  Thankfully, I have that in RQS. 

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

 

The full quote — “There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics” — has been attributed to Mark Twain, who himself attributed it to British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli, who might never have said it in the first place.  In 2020's America, this phrase takes on even more meaning with the misinformation circulating in "conservative" information bubbles.  False information is being spread by certain "Newscasters" in order to keep pliable masses supporting people who don't give a damn about their welfare.

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Recently, I watched a YouTube video by Steve Shives featuring a political candidate who spoke the GOP's "quiet parts out loud."   Sadly, this fictional candidate's speech is too close to the truth for comfort.  For example, I was once "defriended" by a transgender woman who stated that New York's abortion law protected abortions up to and including the 9th month of pregnancy. There is a certain ignorance and suspension of reality in such a belief.  If a woman carries a fetus into the 9th month of pregnancy, she likely wants the baby to be born.  If there is an abortion, it is likely to be to save the life of the mother.  The same type of misinformation was said when the GOP bashed Obamacare - most people kept doing to their doctors of choice, and it reduced costs for the states that expanded Medicaid. Worst of all was our 45th president claiming that "secret evidence" proved that he won the election. People died in the January 6th 2021 assault on the Capitol building because of this man's lies, and yet, he still walks free.

The "Religious Right" has lost many of the cultural battles it has fought recently, and they are now focusing on Transgender people as convenient targets.  How does it hurt people to amend birth certificates when Gender Corrective Surgery is performed?  Yet, in some states, this change is banned, leaving many transgender people in a state of legal limbo.  What about transgender medical care, preventing TG youth from having an incorrect puberty?  Does this hurt the larger society?  Even going to the restroom can be a problem, as many states have passed "Bathroom Bills" which restrict people to use only those restrooms associated with the gender people were associated with at birth.  Being transgender, I can't risk seeing friends in Texas because of laws like this.

We must be on the alert when false information is being spread about us.  Even if we are in stealth mode, we must always speak out against the lies spread by our enemies.  Although it is a small segment of America which is out to attack us, it holds disproportionate influence over one of our two major political parties.  We can't let that one party win while radicals hold control of that party, as it is an existential threat to us.

Truth doesn't always win out.  People who believe in the truth must fight lies whenever their seed reaches fertile ground.  Take on the fight, and fight hard - our lives depend on it!

 

 

Dinner with Vicki

 

Tomorrow, the handyman will come to repair the tile wall in the bathroom.  I dread this necessary headache, as it will soon be followed by electrical work that requires virtually all my furniture be moved for outlet replacement.  ARRGH!

With this looming ahead of me, I was glad to meet Vicki for dinner before she goes on her vacation.  Vicki is trying to get her health in order, so that she can have a needed medical procedure.  (And no, I won't go into any more details here.)  So, I know that getting together with me is a special occasion for her.  Over dinner, we talked about many things, and she made a comment that echoes with other people I know - they see me as the same person, no matter which gender I am presenting as at the moment.

I think that a key to understanding a transgender person is seeing that his/her soul is the same person, no matter how the person chooses to appear to the world.  Yes, there will be women who get upset at the M2F transgender person for invading "women's space". And I can understand that.  Many M2F transgender people want to carry their former male privilege into their female lives, and this can not be done and be accepted by females as equals.  Yet, I feel that the cisgender world should "get over it."  To me, being transgender is a form of intersex condition, where the brain is wired to be of one gender, but the body is programmed in utero to be the other.

The transwoman I mentioned in an earlier post has reverted to life as a cisgender, heterosexual man. And he seems to have found a new potential woman in his life.  I wish the best for them, as life for a person my age can be a struggle without the issues of being trans to complicate things.  At least, he'll be able to live a less complex life - for now.  As for me, I'll deal with my complexities as long as possible, as I have no intentions of eradicating what I've gained by being Marian from my life.