A more pleasant day, knowing that I'd be playing games tonight.

 

This is the way I wish my face could have looked when I was younger.  I'd have had a full head of hair, a female face, and a friendly, outgoing demeanor.  Instead, I grew up as a male, with all the repression of my authentic self that many transgender people have.

Given America's march towards an unchecked authoritarian regime, I needed something to cheer me up, as I wouldn't be able to present as Marian until next week.  Luckily, it was game night, and I made my trek to Yonkers for a fun night.  And tonight, both host and hostess were there for games, giving me to talk about their TG son after the games ended.

While there, I sent a link to one of our gamers (a leftist) for an article showing how close America is to having a "French Style" revolution.  I know he'll find that interesting when he gets the chance to read it. After the games were over, I had the chance to have a quick chat about the couple's TG son, finding out that almost everyone is trying to treat him with respect.  Something I didn't ask about, but got an answer I was glad to know, was that their son won't be getting any hormone treatments until he is 18.  I then mentioned that I felt they were doing the right thing, as he should be of legal age before making a permanent decision about his life and the body he will live in.

All too soon, it was time to leave.  It was pouring when I made it to my car.  So, I made my usual late night phone call to RQS (albeit, an hour early), while driving to Walmart for a second set of new bed linens. Now, I can alternate between sets on the bed and in the hamper.  I didn't have the time to get to the supermarket as planned, but this wasn't a real problem for me.  I can take care of that on my way back from Long Island this weekend.

In the end, they can't erase history.

 

The above is a photo taken after the Taliban destroyed the Buddhas of Bamiyan.  It was their intent to destroy all depictions of people (real or fictional) to conform with rules from the most regressive form of Islam.  The Taliban didn't care about historic preservation.  Instead, they wanted to erase things from history which didn't fit with their idea of reality.  

Why is this important?

Today, the Orange Snowflake is trying to erase minorities from America and its history.   One of his first actions was to remove the mention of Transgenders from the Stonewall National Historic Monument. Then came the removal of minority and female war heroes on websites in the Pentagon's DEI purge.  Can you imagine winning the war in the Pacific without the Navajo Code Talkers?  What about the Enola Gay?  Even Jackie Robinson was affected by this purge. Some parts of our history will be harder to remove from "official history" than others.  Yet, this is what happens when authoritarians wish to pit one group against another, so that the authoritarian can be the center of power in society.

How many people have read 1984?  Orwell picked up on the capricious nature of dictators by noting that their enemies could change in a heartbeat.  In 1984, during Hate Week, the enemy changed in the middle of Big Brother's speech, and no one batted an eyelash - the thought police were always present to force obedience.

Luckily, we have tools such as the Internet Wayback Machine to help us. But having one set of servers located in the USA isn't good enough to preserve historical records for the future.  We need redundancy in data which can be indexed, with servers located in several sites around the globe where no one government can shut them down for political reasons.  And yet, even without full digital redundancy, much of our history is currently preserved in books, pictures, and both video and audio recordings.  Whatever the Orange Snowflake decides to be erased will likely be returned to digital access when he's gone.  

What can we do to preserve our transgender history?  To me, that's one of the most important tasks we can do to oppose the Orange Snowflake.  In the case of the Stonewall Monument, we can create an alternate website with the full information once on the official site - the Wayback Machine can be a help there.  And then, we can expand on it, archiving the site's contents in places where the Snowflake has no ability to affect it.  At the site itself, we can develop our own leaflets, so that visitors know the real history of the place and why it is important to us.  We can be the models for other groups that the Snowflake wants to remove from history.

So, by our efforts, we can lead the way for other groups to challenge the Snowflake.  Let's do so!

 

PS: I found this link on the right-leaning Drudge Report site:

Trump & Musk Aren't Ready For What They Are Unleashing

We may be closer to a violent revolution than I'd desire.  I've had a feeling that the Snowflake and his band of Bandit Capitalists might trigger something like the French Revolution if they went too far.  And it looks like they might just do so.

 

 

PPS: In the guise of protecting Children from abuse, the Orange Snowflake has issued a proclamation that continues his war against us Transgenders.  If this isn't reminiscent of Central Europe in the 1930's, I don't know what is.  I hope my TG readers are in the process of securing their "Letters of Transit" before the last plane leaves Casablanca.

 

Although I took it easy today, I had things to do.

 

A while back, I met this woman and scheduled a lunch together.  I had a weird feeling about her, as she was asking me a lot of questions that one usually doesn't ask in the early stages of a friendship.  Although we said we'd meet again, this never happened.  And I think that this was good luck for me, as something didn't feel right about her, making me glad that I had already frozen my credit report a few months beforehand.

Why do I mention this today?

I've been getting weird feelings about what is happening in this country.  Last night, I watched a clip from a senate hearing, where a Democratic senator asked one of the Orange Snowflake's loyalists: Given the President's actions in regard to Ukraine (as well as other actions), do you think the man holding that office is a Russian Asset?  Of course, the loyalist ducked answering the question.  In a way, we have our answer, and us transgender folk should be planning our lives accordingly, given Russia's feelings about the LGBTIQ community  My big question is - why aren't more people talking about this?

But onto other things....

This was a day where I didn't get out of bed until 11 am, and even then, didn't get moving until 1 pm.  So, I started to clean out some more stuff from behind the loveseat, and filled up a donation bag which can go to Green Drop on Saturday.  It's amazing how many garments I had stored that I no longer wear. So, out the door it goes.

And then, it was time to get showered and dressed to go to a meetup. I arrived at 6:30, and only 4 people had arrived.  By 6:45, we had a total of 10 people, including DS from the Yonkers gaming meetup.  When DS arrived, she mentioned that she couldn't deal with political talk, and for the most part, we didn't do so.  But then, someone made a mistake, and DS left quicker than a speeding bullet.  I mentioned to the ladies who were left that DS is very unhappy with her present job, and probably has to hear a lot of BS coming from her idiot boss about the orange snowflake.  We got quiet for a minute, as everyone realized what happened, and then we got to venting about the latest atrocity the snowflake has thought up.

Right now, I'm not so sure of what I should say to DS, as I want to apologize for not reading her correctly, and not steering others away from this topic.  It's a sick thing, what the snowflake is doing to this country, and I fear that things will get much worse before things get better....

I apologize for ranting too much

 

Lately, it seems to me, that I've been complaining about things going on in the world too much.  Yes, Our rights as transgender people are under attack, and our president is "owned" by Russia, and is doing Russia's bidding.  Yet, I am grateful to live in a state where I can come and go as my authentic self, without worry that I will be hassled by any law enforcement authority.

Yet, I've noticed something.  For reasons other than fear, I haven't been getting outside of my place enough and living an authentic life.  Could it be the weather?  (As I write this, it is raining outside.)  Could it be commitments I have that requires me to present as Mario?   (I had to go out as Mario in order to buy a new Mattress and Bed Frame last night.) Could it be anything else? (I did spend part of the day sorting out some of the containers behind my loveseat.) There have been so many things that I needed to do, that I have felt a little overwhelmed and have retreated into my comfort space.

One has to keep one's focus on what's important, so that can take care of the most important things first.  I may not have been doing that.  Yesterday, I worked around the house, possibly to avoid spending the money I knew I'd have to spend on new bedding.  It could be much worse.  My brother is putting in 50-60 hours each week in a job for which should only need 40. He also has to deal with fire department financials, managing the project of bringing the family homestead into a shape where we can raise the rent on the place, and to prepare financials for the house, so that I can get my taxes done.  And, to top it all off, he is flying out west to see my nephew for the weekend.

As you can see, there are other people who are under more stress than I am.  But I expect that we all will start to suffer if the orange snowflake does half the damage to America that he could be doing.  If you find yourself starting to be overwhelmed by fear and worry about the future, just remember these words that are applicable in almost every situation:

 

"This too, shall pass." 

 

The trick will be to keep one's perspective while it passes....

I don't know about you, but it's time to get those "letters of transit" ready.

 

As I write this, the Orange Snowflake's DOJ refused to sign an arrest warrant against Rep. Cory Mills for an alleged assault. It seems like the DOJ is now thoroughly politicized, so that justice is being denied to people based on their alleged assailant's political party.  Justice is now transactional, and far from blind.

What does this mean for the transgender community?

I am lucky to be able to go stealth and leave this country.  I am working on getting a second passport, and possibly a third one as well.  But what about the rest of us?  The minute the economy sours, I expect that the snowflake will try to distract us from the damage he is causing to this country.  Since he has no current justification to round up transgender people, he has started to go after the illegal aliens (I won't call them "undocumented immigrants", no matter how I feel about letting more of them in to the US to do the work native born Americans won't do.) For the most part, his record of expelling these people is far from what he promised before the election.  So, he has a ready made excuse to restrict the freedoms of all Americans to facilitate his crackdown on those at the margins of society.

But what's next?

The snowflake has announced a "Golden Visa" program that would lead to citizenship.  Instead of upper middle class investors plunking down $100k-$200k in fees, plus another $800k-$1m to get a visa, he plans on selling one for $5m.  I guess he's trying to attract the Russian oligarchs he has become indebted to over the years.  

Yet, this is not the worst idea he has had.  He has changed our foreign policy to favor Russia, and refuses to acknowledge that Russia is the aggressor in the Ukraine war.  At least, the French president had the cajones to keep correcting the snowflake as he spouted out lies in a recent presser.  Now, the snowflake is making sure that the reporter pool excludes all who would ask him serious questions.  Hopefully, the foreign press will do the job ours won't do and force him into uncomfortable positions where the truth is spoken and he looks like an ass for defending his lies.

Am I saying that we should run away?  Far from it.  Some of us will have to lay low and hope for the best.  Others will be able to leave this country, and move to places where the rights of transgenders are respected.  Sadly, this will leave a large number of people who are vulnerable to this monster who is in office right now.  

Considering that Elon Musk reportedly told the snowflake that he would not support the snowflake unless Vance was made Vice President, one has to wonder - Who is really in charge of the government and the snowflake's cult?  The fact that the snowflake went after us first makes a lot of sense, considering that Musk has a transgender daughter and no relationship with her.  Could the snowflake merely be a puppet of Musk, as Musk can't ever be president by law?  Inquiring minds want to know.
 

Why are some people afraid and repulsed by Transgenders?

 

Why are some people afraid and repulsed by Transgender folk?

 

The above question is something that has been on my mind as of late.  Could it be religion?  Could it be a lack of a strong definition of self identity?  Could it be fear of what others might think of us and do to us?  There are so many reasons, but I think it goes back to the urge to reproduce.

Reproduction is a major effort for most species.  In primate species, the male has it easy - impregnate the female and the absolute need for his existence has ended.  However for the female, her body undergoes changes to accommodate the dependent life within her and eventually expels that life.  But the female's role is not over, as she usually has to take care of her offspring until they are ready to reproduce themselves. In our species, we have evolved to have our males contribute to the effort of raising our offspring, providing an evolutionary protection the premature loss of a parent. (This will vary between cultures.)  I'll admit that this is an oversimplification of something all of us know all too well.  But I think it's the fear of wasting our chances to reproduce that is the root of the fear of transgender people.

The fear of transgenders comes from something people fear: we can break out of virtually all socially assigned roles if we want.  Gender is the first thing people ask about when a baby is born.  A humorous example of this is a joke from the movie Addams Family Values:

Family Members: "What is it?"

Gomez Addams: "It's an Addams!"

The beauty of this line is that the answer is perfectly correct.  But it is not what the questioner wanted to know.  

I believe that sexual preference, sexual identity, and external sexual characteristics are all forms of intersex conditions that are baked into the person while in the womb.  "Normally," the vast majority of people are born as, identify as, and prefer the genders which society would assign at birth.  Statistics show that the lesbian and gay population may be somewhere between 3%-5% of the population. Transgender adults are about 0.5% of the population, and the rest of intersex people are about 0.05% of the population.  Given that most people never have their genes analyzed, they never know whether they are among those who have male external genitalia but have XX chromosomes, or among those who have female genitalia but have XY chromosomes.  Let's not get into all of the potential intersex conditions here.  Simply put, science conflicts with cultural norms, and we're in the middle of a culture war against our will.

The recent edict from the Orange Snowflake looks to deny our existence.  Hopefully, most of my transgender readers have been able to file paperwork for federal government IDs long before the snowflake shut things down for most of us. But this is not just a problem that affects transgender people.  For example, I knew a cisgender female who was mistakenly identified as a male on a Tennessee driver's license.  If she had to fix this problem today, the snowflake's edict would make this impossible.

But what should one do if one is young and pre-op transgender?  My first recommendation would only work if one lived in a state which allows gender markers to be changed AND allows for amended birth certificates.  DO NOT GET FEDERAL ID UNTIL YOU HAVE CHANGED GENDER MARKERS ON ALL STATE IDS ON FILE.  For example, If you live in California, do not travel on aircraft, or travel outside the US until you have your gender marker updated on all documents you may need to file with the Feds.  If this can't be done in your state, get your name changed to one acceptable for males and females, then dress and present androgynously when applying for federal id. This way, you will likely be ignored (as you would want) when going through TSA checkpoints. But most important of all - don't be flashy.  Just blend in as much as possible until this reign of terror is over.

There is too much information on me that is available to the public.  Therefore, I can't go into hiding.  Instead, I can go stealth on my way out of the country.  Others don't have it this lucky, and might as well lead protests as long is prudent.  Remember, our borders will be protected against intrusions, and not against people leaving - for now.   

What happens when you can't leave for whatever reason?  What can you do?  As I see it, one will need to migrate to areas of the country where one can blend in with a crowd.  People in Northeastern and West Coast large cities tend to be more tolerant of people of different styles, as these regions have been hot spots for immigration for generations.  They have attracted the risk takers, people who are willing to live completely different lives than their pasts would ordain for them.  Yet, one will always need to be on the lookout for others who would cause them harm.  

I can't understand the hatred of transgenders anymore, as I have learned to accept people who are very different than I am as long as we both interact with each other respectfully and with compassion.  The other day, I heard Warren Buffett tell a story about people who survived the Holocaust.  He noted that his judgement of people is based on whether they would hide someone from being scooped up in a pogrom and be sent to their deaths.  A truly wealthy person would have many friends who would help him/her hide from danger.  Build up those friendships now, as you may need them in the future.

 

A snowy weekend - and I left my car at home.

 

I had planned to be with RQS this weekend, but this put me at risk of getting fined by my co-op.  By the time I would get home, I expected to clear off 7" of snow from my car and possibly get dinged with a fine from my co-op.

- - - - - -

Friday started with laundry - 3 loads of it.  By the time I was packed, out the door, and on my way to RQS's place, it was 2-3 hours later than expected.  I didn't make it to RQS's place until 7:30 pm.  Luckily, she had already started to cook dinner when I left the subway and transferred to the bus to her house. The rest of the evening wasn't that exciting.  We fell into our usual routine and watched a couple of movies before felling asleep.

Saturday came, and with it, the exterminator.  Each month, the exterminator is scheduled to take care of RQS's building, and today was the day.  Once his visit was over, it was off to the library to drop off some books, and then to one of our go-to restaurants for a bite to eat.  They were about to close, so we decided to get this food to-go and eat it at home.

Around 7 pm, the snow started to fall and I knew we were in for the night.  Although we weren't planning on doing anything this evening, it made me feel a little worried - if I didn't get home early enough on Sunday, I could have some problems with my co-op.  As they say, "the die is cast", and I would deal with things after getting home.

Sunday came, and there was less snow on the ground than expected.  Even with this, I figured that I should leave RQS's place a bit early, so that I could shovel out my car in daylight and move it back into my assigned spot.  This way, the co-op has less of an opportunity to ding me for not getting my car into the street so that the driveways could be cleared.  I left RQS around 1 pm, and made it to Grand Central in the nick of time to make the 1:50 train to Croton.  By 3:00 pm, I was home, and had a chance to finish this post before shoveling some snow....

- - - - - -

On other matters....

It looks like the Orange Snowflake is trying to put the LGBTIQ community back in the closet.  (Not that we didn't know this already.)  We've seen him give executive orders to (fr now) make it impossible to get a gender marker changed on federal documents, as well as erasing any statistics that refer to LGBTIQ's from federal websites.  This is the first step among many in which he intends to hurt us.

Why do I mention this?

Stalin made sure that no statistics were kept for his reign of terror.  It is estimated that 28 million people lost their lives in the gulags while he was in power.  We may not be able to stop the Snowflake from deleting our history for now.  But we can throw a wrench into his plans in regard to another at risk group - the illegal immigrants.  How, you may ask?  Get congress to act by requiring that accurate statistics be kept.  The public has a right to know how much the Snowflake's removal efforts are costing, as well as being able to know how many illegals of each category are being removed.  The more data we have, the more tools we can have to force congress to act when the time is right.

Right now, GOP members of the house and senate are afraid of losing power.  What they don't know is by surrendering their chambers' powers to the Snowflake and the SA Nazi (Musk), they are surrendering their own power and won't get it back.  We've seen this happen before.  But now, we can take a different path of activism.  Lawsuits can be filed in friendly federal courts, and slow down the march to tyranny.  I suggest that everyone buy copies of On Tyranny, and How Democracies Die to understand what is going on, and how we can cause the Snowflake some grief.

The apartment is a total mess, and I can't find the energy to do anything.

 

OK, this is only a slight exaggeration - I don't find my energy until the afternoon is half over, and it doesn't make sense to do many things.  Yet, I feel that my lethargy is getting in the way of life as I once knew it.

- - - - - - 

One of the problems I have is a reluctance to deal with people when advocating for myself.  It's my simple reluctance to have potentially stressful interactions with people coming to play.  By nature, I am not a dominant person.  Instead, I am a person who likes to head off in one direction with as little interference as possible.  And I have been lucky enough to have the resources to do just that in my adult life.

My lethargy gets in the way of me doing simple tasks such as doing laundry on a regular basis.  So, it piles up until I have no other alternative but to do several loads at once.  This can be a pain in the ass at times, but I've noticed it getting in the way of being social with others.  Yesterday, I had a meetup that I went to, but could have just as easily bailed out on it - I was tired enough to have stayed in bed a bit longer.

- - - - - -

With all that being said, I still find it energizing to go out in the world as Marian.  Being my true self provides me with the energy I need to go out and live life.  I wonder how many older transgender folks feel the same way as I do?

It'll have been 11 days so far....

 

By the time you read this, the Orange Snowflake will have been in office for 11 days.  I have my worries about this man and his worsening dementia, and the people who support him without question.  Will some people keep him in check?  Or, will he go F'ing nuts when power is restored to him?  Only time will tell.

Right now, people like Sarah McBride are biding their time until they have the power to change things.  It doesn't pay for her to challenge the GOP leadership to assert her rights.  But that time will come.  The GOP will eventually lose control of government, as they have done in the past.  For those of us who can blend in, my advice is to do so - but to be honest about who you are if anyone asks.  This might not be a viable option for many deep in a red state.  But it has always worked for me in the Hudson Valley and elsewhere.

The Orange Snowflake knows nothing about how tariffs work, nor does he have a firm grasp on anything essential to the running of government, save to put "Yes Men" with major flaws in positions of power.  He can not afford to have anyone challenge him - especially with the 25th amendment in mind. When confronted by one friendly reported on who would pay the tariffs he proposes, he acts like China (and other countries) would pay to sell their goods here without affecting the purchasing price paid by the American consumer.  The problem here is that he wants to use a machete when a surgeon's scalpel is called for.  Do we need high tariffs on European goods, where wages and other costs are similar to that in North America?  Yet, it would make sense to have high tariffs on Chinese goods, considering their low wages, and the use of Uighurs as slave labor. Universally low tariffs have caused the decline of American manufacturing, as it was cheaper to export jobs to nations with low wages and few worker protections.  In short, a broken clock can be right twice each day, and the Orange Snowflake's idea of tariffs shouldn't be dismissed out of hand - it should be refined by professionals, so that the right approach is used by the US.

I expect that the Justice Department to be politicized.  The Snowflake doesn't care about justice.  He wants revenge against his perceived enemies.  I'll be watching the news to see if he goes after the January 6th committee, as well as anyone who opposed him.  Most people who read this blog know that I use an alias when communicating with the Transgender community.  This doesn't mean that I can't be found if someone wants to go after me.  Instead, it slows down any potential attack on me.

It is likely that some Transgender people will be persecuted by politicians who are also religious zealots.  They  may consider fleeing the country.  Although it is illegal to enter Canada without going through a legal checkpoint, our border is mostly unguarded.  There are towns (and buildings) that sit on the border.  If one feels that they might be targeted because of politics, one might consider finding a way to reach the border without leaving electronic bread crumbs.  No cell phones or late model cars would be safe in this attempt.  Remember, Abbie Hoffman stayed on the lam for years using the alias of "Barry Fried".  This might be a way to wait things out if things go sour in our country.

Remember - most people don't give a damn about us.  This will work for and against us.  Try to use that knowledge to your best advantage....

And now: Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel

 

When I was young, I loved watching this show.  Yes, it was campy.  But it was fun to watch.  It's a shame that this show was done with a campy style, as the tone of the Batman comics was much darker in spirit.  But what does this have to do with my life?

Well, many of us have to live two separate lives.  One out of circumstance, and the other out of choice.  The first life is what others expect of you.  The other is what you expect from yourself.  Most of the time, our outer and inner lives are in rough synchronization with each other.  Other times, they are not.  In the case of the fictional crime fighter, his Batman persona was a way of coping with the damage done to him in his past.  In my case, it is my true spirit coming out of a cocoon.

Last night (as I write this), I had a conversation with Vicki.  She noted that my personality as Mario and Marian is the same person, just expressed in two very different ways.  RQS sees this, regardless of what clothing I am wearing.  But what is this difference?  Vicki feels that Marian's personality expression reflects the lack of both the familial emotional damage done to Mario as a child and the social emotional damage that would have been done to Marian had she been born with a female body.  There is a certain emotional strength in Marian that Mario could never have, as she never suffered the blows that most children have received while growing up.

Why is this important?

I realize that I never want to give up my life as Marian for anything.  Yet, it is threatened by the undercurrents of today's politics.  A conservative gay man who made a case for same-sex marriage long before it was the law of the land once noted that he was surprised to see this happen in his lifetime.  Same-sex marriage only challenges one of one of our traditional beliefs: Heterosexual relationships are a cornerstone of our society's values.  Society begrudgingly acknowledged gay and lesbian rights and moved on to other struggles.  But that left transgender people with fewer allies.  

The existence of transgenders challenges something more basic in society, the idea that people could be born with the mind of one gender, but be housed in the body of the other.  I'm reminded of a joke from the "Addams Family Values" movie where Morticia delivers her newborn child.  Gomez pops out into the waiting room where everyone is asking: "What is it?"  And Gomex proudly announces: "It's an Addams!"  It's not the answer most of us were expecting to hear, but it is an equally correct one that challenges our standard mode of thinking.  To most of us, one's sex/gender is the most basic form of identification one can have - and it is fixed at birth.  To Gomez, it is simply that he had a healthy child.

Right now, my rights are protected in most of the "Blue States".  But they are being attacked in congress, as Sarah McBride may be denied her right to go to the women's loo in peace.  Sarah understands the nature of the game.  But most people do not.  They see the world in binary terms such as reproductive gender and not the fluidity found throughout nature.

As for me, I will continue exercising my rights to go out as Marian, as this is the personality that best fits who I am.  She may evolve, like most of us do over time.  Yet, she will feel more like a whole person while doing so. This is the most important thing to me - to be true to myself.

It would have been my late wife's 70th birthday today

 

Above is a photo of my late wife.  She was a wonderful woman, but not without her flaws. She, like the building she was in, is long gone.  But why am I mentioning this here today?

- - - - - -

I've been widowed more than twice as long as I was married.  Little things such as the color of her eyes have become hard to remember.  Only other little things remain, such as she said the word "Nasty".  And yet, she has always remained a presence in my life - if only as a memory that connects me to being a young, immature adult.

My wife knew that I enjoyed wearing women's clothing.  But I never would dare going outside in such things.  She tolerated me more than anything else.  Yet, I wonder what she would think had she survived her cancer and lived to this day.  Would we have gotten divorced over this, or for other reasons.  (If so, it would likely be our lack of communications skills, and for resentments that built themselves up over time.)  Would she have embraced me, and encouraged me to become the trans woman I became?  (This is less likely, given that we would be Baby Boomers with all the prejudices absorbed during that era.)  Would I have been satisfied with her after another 10+ years?  Would the love still be there after all we would have gone through?  There are so many questions that can't be answered, as that time line never came to be.

Losing my wife at the age of 39 did one hell of a number on me.  It made me afraid of not having someone to cling to when times got rough.  Yet, I didn't have the emotional age to supply that support to others.  After she died, I ended up in a string of relationships over the next 25 years before finding my current partner.  Will we stand the test of time?  I don't know.  But we have gotten off to a good start.

- - - - - -

Being trans puts a crimp into finding romantic partners.  Aging puts a crimp into finding new friends. As an older trans person, I understand why many older trans people can get quite depressed - I've been a victim of depression myself.  Yet, I make the choice every day - do I get up and live, or do I give in to depression?  So far, I choose to live.

If my wife had lived, we'd likely have become poor parents.  Since she couldn't bear children, we'd have had to adopt a child.  But then, we'd have to move to a bigger place that we couldn't afford on my salary.  Could I have done better in my career and progressed further (with appropriate pay increases)? I'm not so sure, as I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a wide range of people.  So, I consider it lucky that we didn't have kids, as I don't think I'd have been able to raise them on my own.

- - - - - -

At this time of year, I often look backwards and examine where I have been and how I could have done better in life.  Recently, I realized something from childhood that I don't like - I used to look for the simple, brute force solution for problems.  It took me many years to look for subtle solutions to more complex problems.  Too bad that I didn't have this kind of insight earlier in life.

Yet, as I said in earlier posts, I now try to take life one day at a time.  I am concerned about the chaos our next president may bring.  But it is not triggering paralyzing fear, as it is now doing in many on the left.  There is a clarity I have now that I wouldn't have had a decade ago.  Is it because I've gained some wisdom?  Or, am I taking advantage of depression, and living life without a guarantee of a brighter tomorrow?  Who knows?  This doesn't mean that I can't get worked up when thinking about the possible chaos.  It only means that I'm choosing to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the potential chaos and not getting sucked into intense feelings when not needed.

As a trans person, I am concerned about what will happen over the next few years.  But, having lost a spouse, I have a better perspective on life.  She needed to be with someone with a cooler head than she had, and I now need to stay cool while chaos is all around.  And as long as I can, I'll try to keep posting here while I have something to say about the world we live in.

I am sickened by petty politics

 

Sarah McBride.  The first transwoman elected to congress.  And the GOP scum is trying to make her life miserable by denying her the right to go to the women's room to relieve herself.  There is no end to the GOP's cruelty.

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Why do I bring up Sarah's name and not the name(s) of the human garbage who'd denied this woman a basic right?  The answer is simple.  The people elected to control DC for the next 2-4 years do not even deserve to be recognized as humans.  So why identify them by name, when they deserve only to be recognized as animals that squeal, bleat, and make noises which have little meaning for people with even a single iota of humanity.

As you can guess, I am angry.  There is nothing I can do about it, save to request that people in GOP districts write to their congress critters and tell them to squash this attempt to dehumanize trans people. I live in one of these districts, and will be writing my congress critter shortly.  Please do the same before this woman is victimized by her own "colleagues" for petty political reasons.

As I wrote this, I am still in mourning

 

Sadly, my worst fears have come true.  The most successful Snake Oil salesman has conned a large enough percentage of America to accept him as a "Strongman" leader.  This is likely the end of America as we know it.  Only time will tell if our institutions can hold out against this tsunami of evil.

Election day has come and gone.  We will likely see a return of the Orange Monster, if the grim reaper doesn't harvest him first.  What does this mean for us transgender folk?  Well, we are likely to see religious zealots get control of many levers of government.  We are likely to see this nation become a kleptocracy.  We are likely to see hyperinflation caused by reckless financial policies.  We are likely to see our taxes spike because someone has to pay the debt created by the plutocrats.  And we are likely to see a rise of anti-transgender hatred from religious zealots, as we are among the groups that are usually targeted for use as scapegoats.

What can we do about it?

For some, we can still go into stealth mode.  That might allow us to hide in plain sight.  But it will not remove the danger, as we've seen other nations perform purges against us with no provocation.  (I'm reminded of Kristallnacht (11/9/38), where Nazi violence against German Jews caused the streets to be covered by broken glass - Hence, the name "Crystal Night.")

How many of us have second passports?  This is the time to start paperwork to acquire them.  I've started mine.  What about liquid, transportable assets?  Many of us don't have the resources to leave this country in a hurry if needed.  This doesn't mean that it would be easy for us to leave, even if we had passports.  One had to surrender all of one's assets to the Nazis to leave Germany, even if one had the ability to do so.

So what do we do?

First, don't act out of fear.  Don't let fear get in the way of rational thought.  No matter what happens, it'll take time for any evil bureaucracy to get things running smoothly.  And that will be the time we need to make our preparations to leave - if leaving is called for.  Are you Jewish?  Israel is always an option.  What about Ireland, Italy, Germany, and the UK?  If you have the right ancestry, they can be havens for us?  There are also many nations which provide citizenship by investment - some nations offer sanctuary for only $50k.  If you can't get citizenship by birthright, one might want to explore this option.  A YouTube channel, the Nomad Capitalist can supply some of the information you need.  I like his most recent response to Trump's victory.

But in any case, start working on your exit plan now!  (You might need it soon.)

Meeting with RQS's friends (a short post)

 

I wasn't originally in the mood to meet a couple of RQS's friends.  Not because I was against meeting them, but because the two of us would have to wake up early on a Saturday to do so.

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Getting up early is not something RQS and I do on weekends.  As I write this at 9:15 am, I've been out of bed for 30 minutes and RQS is still sawing wood.  I expect that the lumber mill will be running for another hour or so.  (But I still could be wrong.) So, we wouldn't have as much energy as many people do when starting the day.

After getting showered and dressed, we drove down to Yonkers to the Irish Coffee Shop for brunch with her friends.  The conversation flowed like water, and it allowed all of us to be open about things we might keep to ourselves under other circumstances (e.g. the presence of a parent who has strongly different political views.)  Given one of her friends' career choices was to help the transgender community, I decided to out myself, and was met with open arms.  

All too soon, brunch had to end.  We promised to meet again, then RQS and I went to Stew Leonard's for food shopping. $100 later, we were out the door and on our way home for the day.  Although we planned to go out again, we were in for the night. 

I'd have never dreamed how free I feel these days

 

Yesterday, I outed myself as a part of getting a new BJ's card.  As a Transgender person, I have a sense of freedom being able to control how I out myself to others.  In the past, I tried to hide the fact that I am transgender. Now, I use caution in outing myself.  Yet, I am often taken for a cisgender female in many interactions.  This is a good feeling.

The other day, I went to a fast food joint and used the drive up window.  Using the best female voice I could muster, I ordered my food - and was taken for a female without anyone seeing me.  My voice is getting better, but it is far from perfect. And this woman's unseen acknowledgement of my femininity made me feel good.

One of the nice things about being out in the world as much as I've been as a TG woman, the more I'm taken simply as a cisgender female.  Although I have no interest in the male of our species, it would be nice if some male found me attractive as a female.  (Mind you, with this would come risk - men often have a hard time taking NO for an answer - and even worse.)  The more that I'm seen as a female (without qualification) the freer I will feel.  

All of this makes me want to participate in more women's groups.  Sadly, my past experiences on exploring being out as a female has closed many of these doors to me in my area of suburbia.  I figure that RQS and I may need to find a neighborhood that suits both of our needs, so that I can build a better social network with people who need not have any clues that I was once someone other than the Marian they are seeing.

Why do transgender people skew towards being Liberal?

 

Why do transgender people skew towards being Liberal?

This is a question that has a simple and logical answer.  Liberals put a greater priority on the rights of the individual than they do for the community's need for individuals to surrender their rights to the collective for its preservation.  For example, who do we value more?  Do we value the contentious objector to a war fought for questionable reasons, such as Vietnam?  Or, do we value the drafted soldier who may give up his life fighting in the same war where our nation's goals were not achieved?  Whose rights matter more, the individual or the community?

Historically, gender was viewed as a binary in Western culture. Either one was born male or female, and then slotted into the roles assigned to the associated gender.  Household and community tasks were assigned to the genders, and rarely did things not match accepted Western cultural norms. Reproduction was a higher priority than it is today, as both a large number of women died in childbirth, and many children died before they were adults. Homosexuality was discouraged, and being transgender was totally out of the question. As you can guess, people who did not meet these norms had to hide their true selves in order to survive.  

The 20th century brought us great change.  We had 2 world wars.  We entered the computer age. And Christine Jorgensen made news with her sex change (now called gender confirmation/correction surgery). Things people took for granted as unchangeable could now be changed.  Gender may be the first attribute assigned to identify a person, and traditionally has been based on a person's visible genitalia for good reason. This can scare people with weak self identities. These people tend to cling to traditional ways of identifying people, and reject transgender people as freaks - simply because they don't understand the emotional pains of people born with a brain that develops with the characteristics of one gender, while the body develops with the characteristics of the other. In short, those that reject transgenders as being weird are simply looking to conserve traditional ways of understanding the world.

When people are rejected by a collective group of people, they gravitate to others that will accept them. Liberals tend to be much more diverse in views and expressions, as they accept non-traditional ways of defining the world.  This is why transgenders tend to associate with liberals - we are accepted for who we are, and not being forced to comply with others' ways of looking at the world.

Yet, there will always be some transgender people who identify with others that hold "conservative" values - even when those others reject them because of being transgender.  I'll never understand why some people keep trying to belong to groups that would reject them. But then, humans are a tribal species, and none of us enjoys being rejected by our peers.  One trans person I've met moved to a "conservative" region of my state and decided to go to the local church - and was rejected because she was transgender.  I don't know what happened to this trans woman since then, but I know the rejection must have hurt her very much.

So I have to ask, have you noticed how political conservatives are using the "fear of the other" to control the masses?  Look at Trump's lie, saying that Haitian immigrants in Springfield, OH are stealing dogs and cats, then eating them.  This has "given permission" to crazy people to terrorize the residents of this city, and has forced schools, offices, and public events to be shut down for public safety. Contrast Trump's lies with objective reality - the Haitians have been a net benefit to Springfield, law abiding people who have helped in the rebirth of the city.  No wonder why transgenders skew towards being liberal - we have suffered like most of the groups that have been defined as "the other".

So, what do you believe and why do you believe it?

 

Where does a non-op trans person go to the loo?

 

Although this may be a short post, it poses a dilemma that can cause us problems if in the wrong place at the wrong time - Where can a non-op trans person go to the loo while traveling across the United States?

When I first started going out as Marian, I worried what people would think when I went to the women's room to relieve myself. In New York, I didn't feel that I had to worry much - even though I may not have looked as much as a woman than a man in a dress.  But I had serious concerns.  Over time, both my feminine presentation skills and my confidence in going out as Marian developed quite a bit.  Most of the time now, I think people see me as an oversized woman instead of a fat man in a dress.

I've traveled as Marian, having taken cruises to New England/Eastern Canada ports, to Eastern Caribbean ports (only getting off at St. Martin and St. Thomas), to ports along the California coast, and to Hawaii. In addition, I've traveled to Washington, DC and Chicago, Il as Marian.  But I know that I have to be careful where I travel, given laws that affect transgender people.  For example, GOP states have enacted laws that limit where transgender people can relieve themselves.  I was surprised to find that Texas (with its laws that prohibit gender changes on legal documents) hasn't yet (as far as this map shows) been enacted a bathroom bill.  (Maybe I can find a way to visit my friends in Texas after all....)

Soon, RQS and I may schedule a last minute cruise to New England/Eastern Canada on the same ship that will take us to Bermuda.  This will only happen if a co-op meeting has to be postponed.  I'm hoping that we can take this cruise, as it will be nice to cruise again as Marian. 

 

PS: I can say that I committed a criminal act in one of the states I've visited by going to the loo.  It's nice to be a criminal!

Politics: Another term for many flesh eating insects.

 

Huey P. Long - Former Governor of Louisiana.

Huey Long was a one of a kind politician.  He was a populist dictator in many ways, and someone who pissed off many of the wrong people.  Although he championed the cause of the poor white man and believed in checking the power of the former elite who once ran his state's government, he amassed unchecked power in his own right and could only be stopped by a bullet from an assassin's gun.

Why is this important?

Long's family continued to dominate his state's politics long after his death, and represents the danger of vesting too much power in one person and in one person's family. Today, we have a choice between "Honest Politicians" (def: One who when bought, stays bought) and others who will abuse power once they have it and destroy our political system for their own gain.

Given that I am a member of the LGBTIQ community, I am very concerned about what will happen if Trump gets elected.  How many people do you know that can go bankrupt several times and be considered a successful politician by his cult members?  How many of my readers know that he made $300,000 by endorsing an edition of the bible - a book that he never has read and never will read.  Every decision he makes is short term in nature, and is done to refresh his bank account or to indulge his desire for absolute power.  His alliance with hard line Christian Fundamentalists puts my life at risk, as I don't want to go back to living life as in the gender which I was assigned at birth.  Although I could go stealth, I don't trust that my privacy will be respected in any regime where he is the leader - I would not be safe if our community is hunted down as Jews were in Nazi Germany.

Sadly, many of the "Never Trump" Republicans have sold their souls to keep being elected and having their hands greased by people wanting favors.  They fear Trump's cult.  Even though many hate him, they are afraid of being voted out of power.  So, they mouth support for this evil man and make him stronger.  These people have as much use to me as a lone star tick, as I don't like what wither species can do to me.

Luckily, we have a good chance of keeping our former president far from the White House, now that Kamala Harris is the Democratic Presidential nominee.  The Democratic party is far from perfect - it wants to protect illegal aliens already in this country instead of shipping them back to their homelands. Yet, it does want to make sure that all asylum seekers get their day in court without having to wait for years due to an underfunded court system - a more humane way of dealing with part of the problem. We have a choice between humanity and inhumanity.  I'm choosing to err on the side of humanity.  How about you?

I did virtually nothing, save walk 3/4 mile.

 

Buying 3 exercise dresses has motivated me to go outside and walk.  Yes, I wonder if people see this T-Gal as just a fat woman trying to stay mobile, or whether they see this T-Gal as a man in a dress.  Given that I'm comfortable going outside as a woman in outfits like the photo above, I do so - and no one seems to be batting an eyelash.

I've found that in order for my face to look more feminine, prop glasses (no corrective lenses) are a must.  If I didn't wear them, people would focus on the parts of my face where I don't want any focus.  (Could facial feminization surgery be in my future?  Only RQS will be able to answer that in a few years.)

Over time, I'd like to find an inexpensive yoga studio near me where I could go as Marian and no one batting an eyelash.  I've come close, but finding a studio has not been at the top of my priority list.  Yet, my goal is to get back to a size 20-22 within a couple of years.  To do that, it'll take diet, exercise and maybe a few shots of a GLP-1 agonist.

Today, I decided to take a walk at George's Island Park.  I've yet to find the official hiking paths there, but I have found a few vantage points from which one can enjoy views of the Hudson River.  It was a little cool for me to be wearing just this exercise dress.  Next time, if it is as cool as it was today, I will bring a jacket I bought from the active wear section of Lane Bryant.

After I left the park, I had a nice conversation with TCL.  And then I called my brother.  I needed to find out the exact spelling of the name my dad used on his passport, so that I can request a copy of his birth certificate.  New York City has to do a manual search on birth certificates which have not yet been digitized, as they are in the middle of indexing the entire physical database of vital records and the year of my dad's birth has not been indexed yet.  

Tomorrow, it will be dinner with a new meetup group.  Wish me luck!

Sometimes, I don't have that much to say of interest.

 

As I sit here, the TV is playing in the background and I am not paying any attention to it.  It is making "familiar" noises, and that relaxes me.  Along with the presence of RQS on the sofa, I am doing well.  So I was having a big problem - what do I have to say today?

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Being transgender or bi-gendered doesn't have to be the biggest factor in one's life.  Whether I go out as Mario or Marian makes little difference to who I am inside my body.  However, it does affect how I interact with people.  For example, I have met a woman in the supermarket who brought up the topic of "change of life" with me - something which would be inconceivable had I been presenting as Mario at the time.  One of my closest friends (who knew me first as Mario) brought up the topic of her bladder control pads - something that I doubt that she'd mention to her husband.  She thinks of me more as a woman than as a biological male.  And even my niece brought up the subject of her monthly cycle when we were at a museum together a few years ago.Gender Communication Taboos,

But what is it that keeps women and men from talking about such intimate things?  I had a conversation with someone a year ago, and she said that most men wouldn't bother asking.  Although that's true, there is a deeper reason for this happening.  I think that women expect that the men in their lives should be more curious, while men are too embarrassed to ask about such things due to the social taboos we have in our society.  Yes, men may know about women having periods.  But do they know what a woman goes through?  Do women even think that men would listen if they opened up conversations like these?  I feel that many people feel that it is easier to avoid opening up "embarrassing conversations" rather than to communicate.  And this leads to ignorance, misconceptions and ill feelings.

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So, did I have something of interest to say today?  I don't know.  But I just had to maintain the discipline of having something to say each day....