A visit to the doctor - something I never like.

 

This is not a photo of my doctor.  Only when I started living full time as Marian and moving towards a medical transition, would I switch to a female doctor.  (As long as I  have my original equipment, I'd feel a little uncomfortable with a doctor who doesn't have my "plumbing configuration."  With that being said, this is not a discussion about doctors for transgender people.  We need to choose doctors with whom we are comfortable, and advocate for the best treatment we can get in our healthcare system.

Today, I visited my doctor.  I knew that he was going to be upset that I gained a couple more pounds since I last saw him.  But he was surprised to find out that the pharmacy was going to charge me $500/month for a Mounjaro (GLP-1) prescription.  There was no way I was going to pay that much for a drug, when there are others that Medicare has approved and is covered by my prescription insurance plan.  

What I forgot as well as my doctor did was that I was supposed to get my yearly physical.  So, after my visit was "done", I was asked to stay a while to get my blood drawn and for an EKG to be taken.  I again mentioned the problem with the GLP-1 drug that was prescribed, and he said that his assistant would look into this for me.  Guess what?  I got a text from his service that an Ozempic prescription was now on file, and also got a text from the pharmacy that the prescription was ready for pickup.  I'll have to call up the pharmacy to ask how much this prescription costs before I start with it.

- - - - - -

Unfortunately, there was 2 inches of snow on my car when I left for the doctor.  When I returned, I found that my parking space hadn't yet been plowed.  So, when I heard the plow a hour later, I was out of the house again to kill some time for the plow to do its job.  With the expected slop to be on the ground for tomorrow, I'll have to give up on the idea of wearing a fancy dress to Christmas Eve dinner and  to church, and simply wear a sweater dress over leggings for practicality.

This is the kind of problem many of us have to deal with during winter in New York.  It could be much worse.  But I'd rather have the problems I have in a TG accepting state, than to live in Florida where we are treated like dirt.  And some people wonder why I stay in my high tax state....

It's hard to believe that this year passed so quickly!

 

The image of a hurricane from space.  It seems like a fitting metaphor for this chaotic year.  We went from relative calmness, steered by a caretaker president, to a lunatic who is steering us into the middle of a global storm.

For a transgender person in the United States, we were the first targets of Trump's hatred.  He tried to erase us from history - even at the Stonewall Memorial site.  Yet, he has failed to silence us and force us into the closet.  Although people like me are staying in stealth mode when we interact with the Federal Government, others are openly challenging this corrupt administration.  We were the canaries in the coal mine.  Next, he targeted women, people of color (I hate that phrase), anyone who looks Latino (they were in the Southwest before the Anglos), and now anyone who stands up to oppose him.

Yet, life has gone on as normal for many people, save that they have to make hard choices because of our president's foolish actions: pay rent, pay for food, or pay for medical care.  Everything has gone up in price for the average person, and yet, the president claims that "Affordability" is a hoax created by the Democratic party.  

What many people aren't seeing yet is the debasement of the legal system.  Promises to deport the criminals among the "undocumented" (I call them illegal aliens, as am not politically correct) have been broken, and now it's a numbers game to round up as many of these (generally) law abiding people as possible, herd then into prison camps without the rights to challenge their detentions, and then shipping them off to places such as El Salvador's CECOT, where these people are treated worse than most farm animals.  The DOJ is trying a third time to indict James Comey, simply because he did his job and investigated the crimes committed by Trump.

Fortunately, people are waking up. It's hard to believe, but even MTG is now on the president's shit list because she opposed him on releasing the Epstein Files.  In special elections held recently, the Democratic party has over-performed.  The snowflake knows if we have a fair election, the GOP would lose big time.  Even if the election is rigged slightly, they have no guarantee of winning in the general election.  I'm sure that my congress critter will be voted out - he has done nothing for his district, save make meaningless promises.

Sadly, I've had to stay in stealth mode when taking cruises this year.  Normally, I'd present as Mario when sailing to the Caribbean.  For convenience, I'd have sailed as Mario when we went to Alaska.  But I'd have sailed as Marian when going to Bermuda and on the New England/Canada run had the snowflake not weaponized branches of the government to terrorize people.  

Sometime late next year, I'll be filing to renew my passport and my global entry card.  I wonder what that process will be like, considering what he's already planning to do with ESTA applications which foreigners must submit before coming to the US.  (I'm appalled that we may soon be demanding to know foreign tourists' Social Media history and all Email addresses used in the past 5 years.)  What will his henchmen dream up to limit what US Citizens can do, especially their right to leave the country.

Earlier this year, I applied to be registered in a foreign nation's foreign birth registry.  If things get really bad here for transgender people, I will marry RQS and take her to Europe with me, hoping that I can bring enough financial resources with me to start a new life there.  

It's amazing - in less than a year, America has changed from a democratic republic into a fascist state.  Hopefully, we'll see this change soon....

I'm starting to pack for my upcoming cruise

 

I miss being able to cruise as Marian.  The Orange Snowflake is out to erase transgenders from the earth, claiming "it is all in our heads."  One problem - it is easier to change the body than to rewire the brain.  And even if it could be done, should it be done?  When the person who holds the presidency has no morality, no sense of justice, and no respect for others, then how can anyone cis or trans feel safe?

Safety for us trans people is important.  For those like me, we can go stealth and not worry much - but we still have our worries.  When presenting as a male, my whiteness helps keep me safe from the ICE raids going on in neighboring towns.  So, if I have to make contact with anyone from the Federal Government, I've decided to do so as a white male and assert my "privilege". This is not real safety.  I've been hassled by a TSA Officer before flying to London, simply because he had a bug up his ass.  Could you imagine what he'd have been like if I were presenting as a female for an international flight?

I remind people that Cisgender people are not safe.  The husband of one of my friends is an immigrant from the Philippines. He is not white, but he is a male US Citizen who has communications issues.  He lives in a town which has suffered ICE raids, and my friend (his wife) fears what could happen if he goes out during one of these raids. He could not advocate effectively for himself.  Given that we have deported US citizens caught in one of these ICE roundups, do you think he'd be safe.

RQS is a fair skinned black, somewhere in the mocha shade of skin tone.  She'd likely be tolerably safe, as she has an "American" accent. And that relative safety would likely extend to many "American Blacks" who speak with an "American" accent familiar to many ICE agents.  But that doesn't extend to their initial treatment by these "authorities", as there has been a different standard of justice for whites and blacks in America. I must note that Asian Americans may have similar treatment to American Blacks, but would be subject to similar risk factors.  Yet, even if I were a second or third generation Chinese American, would I feel safe if ICE was raiding a Chinatown neighborhood as they recently did in New York City?

The promise of the Orange Snowflake was to round up the criminals who were in the US illegally and deport them first.  Instead, he is aiming for quantity over quality, scooping up law abiding people (here legally or illegally) to make artificial quotas.  So, a wise gender nonconforming person can not feel safe in a society where every touch point with the Federal Government puts her/him at risk.

So, I've started my packing, and I'm disappointed that I won't be able to wear my summer dresses again. But, I still wouldn't do so on this cruise, as many of the islands in the Caribbean have similar backwards attitudes as our president.  I'll still be relatively comfortable and safe, but I won't be as happy as if I could present as my true self. 

 

 

 

 

 

The longer I'm out and about, the less I write about being TG

 

When I started blogging, I used to talk about how I worried about whether people would clock me as being TG.  I discussed things such as voice training, meeting people as Marian, and other things that would set me apart from cisgender women.  Over the years, I have gained much more confidence in who I am and where I can safely go.  But people like me are under attack from the Orange Snowflake.  Most of us don't flaunt what we are.  We simply want to go about our lives without being treated less than human from certain social groups such as religious fundamentalists. 

This entry is not about being TG as much as it is about life in general.  For the most part, the vast majority of people lead humdrum lives.  Even if one has become famous, such as being a movie star, a sports player, and a politician, most of our lives consist of relatively boring activities such as shopping, doing the laundry, cleaning our houses, etc.. So, what should anyone write about?  I'm not one who makes a big deal about what I'm wearing these days, save that I want to hide my less than feminine features.  Going into the ladies' room is no longer a big deal when I'm presenting as Marian - I just go into the stall, get my clothes out of the way, sit down and relieve myself.  Most people don't bat a eyelash, especially since most fat people tend to be "invisible" to others.

For a little over a week, I've been wearing red nail polish.  As a consequence, I've been presenting as a female. The only reason I removed my nail polish today was that it was starting to chip away.  I figure that I'll go get my nails done when RQS goes home, as I don't want to spend the time to redo my nails while she's here.  

- - - - - -

Today has become a sort of "maintenance day".  RQS decided to reorganize my kitchen cabinets, while I decided to pay some bills and to prepare to do laundry.  Since the light over the kitchen counter got damaged, we will end up going to Lowe's to pick up a replacement later on.  While we were sitting down, we booked a couple of shore excursions for our upcoming cruise.  Now, we have 3 out of 5 shore days where we have things to see when in port.

Cruising has become our preferred mode of taking a vacation, as it gives us the most bang per buck. We keep looking at cruises we can take.  I'm hoping that the snowflake is removed from office so that sanity can rule in the US again.  Then, and only then, will I consider the cruise I want to take - a transatlantic crossing on the Queen Mary 2, where I can return to the States as Marian.

Until then, I'll just have to keep living my humdrum life....

And now back to my regularly scheduled ranting and raging

 

As much as I am an out and about transgender person, I can go back to stealth mode if I need to do so.  Yet, I am upset because the Orange Snowflake won't be happy until the last one of us is gone from "HIS" America.

I try to keep my calm, as to give into anger, as it will distract me from staying calm in the face of danger. For example, I could rage at the world and accomplish nothing.  Or, I can do things such as participating in protest marches, notifying people when I see ICE come into my neighborhood, and do other non-violent things to foul up the snowflake's evil plans.  I choose resistance in the same way as followers of Martin Luther King Jr. did.  His henchmen are most afraid of being seen for what they are: Malignant Bullies who want to turn America into Nazi Germany.  (When was the last time you saw the snowflake cast a good light on anyone not an Aryan male?  Never.)

Tonight, I had a conversation with TCL.  When I said that I'm going for second citizenship (and associated passport) as a way to have an exit route if things go sour in the USA.  I said that if I am forced to leave the USA, I'll marry RQS and take her with me.  I'd be poor, but I'd be free.  TCL thinks that I'd be able to take my money with me.  I reminded her of the early days of the Nazi regime: They allowed Jews to leave, but they didn't allow the Jews to take their money with them as they left.  It's amazing that a woman with a history degree didn't know about that.  I guess that our collective memory about the Nazi era has faded too much for most Americans to recognize the scope and severity of today's dangers.

It's amazing that the mainstream news media isn't covering the violence being used by the snowflake's henchmen to terrorize people.  But then, these are people who thrive on "access" and are afraid to cooperate with each other to take down a threat to their industry.  The Fourth Estate was neutered by the Nazis, why doesn't it see that the same tactics are being used against it in America 90 years later?  Luckily, we still have independent news reporting on the internet, something which they don't yet know how to control.  (Russia and China have developed effective controls on their independent reporters, yet there are still some leaks - all wrapped in metaphors and coded language.  For example, don't talk about "Winnie the Pooh" in China, as that will get you in trouble for its connection to Chairman Xi.)  

Why am I still in America?  I still have hope that the authoritarian tide can be held back.  Yet, it feels more and more like a losing task every day, as people are giving up hope.  When/if I do, I'll be gone.

My internet is still out at home, and I'm connected to the world by a thin wireless tether.

 

It's now almost 48 hours since my cable went out, and I'm hanging onto the internet with a thin wireless tether.  What I mean to say is that I'm using my cell phone's data connection for my internet until the cable company fixes its equipment.

On night 1 of the outage, I called the cable company around 11 pm, and they went through some exhaustive tests on their end to find out what the problem was.  No help.  So we scheduled a service call for 11 am today.  During day 2, my next door neighbor's internet went out, and they placed a call to the cable company.  That night, I went through a form of withdrawal.  No longer could I watch my nightly dose of Perry Mason reruns, nor could I watch any of the YouTube channels from which I get solid information.  (I make sure that the channels I watch reference original source media, and not opinions on that media. In short, I don't let outlets such as Fox "News" cherry pick media clips and distort the news.)  Luckily, I kept in touch with the world via my cell phone.

This morning would begin the 3rd day of the outage, and I had the following exchange with my neighbor:

Neighbor: I think they're fixing something down stairs.

Me: Do you see their truck outside?

Neighbor: They came to our apt. It means we have to wait for a different service team to come fix the transmitter that is downstairs. The guy said probably no one in our building has Internet right now or it's very spotty because the transmission is very low. All he could do is put in a referral OSP, which is another service team. He said he marked it as critical, so hopefully it will happen quickly.
 
Me: I'm glad you got a call on this.  And yes I hope they fix it quickly.

Wonderful!!!!  When the service man comes to my apartment in 1 hour (as I'm starting this entry), I'll have to show him this text as well, so that he doesn't blame it on the wire on my side of the wall.

- - - - - -

The service technician came around 1 pm and checked the wire.  Seems like the cable was disconnected outside the building.  I wonder how that happened, and whether it could be connected to my neighbor's outage as well.

"Just because one is paranoid, doesn't mean that one doesn't have good reason to worry." 

Assuming that this is a benign disconnect, I'm not going to worry much.  The technician told me that the line for the 3 apartments in my group of apartments was disconnected.  Given that the ground floor apartment is vacant, that the people on the center floor are never around, that leaves me as the only one connected to the cable company's services at the moment.   Given how much our federal government has turned our national guard and other protection agencies of the government into personal "enforcement" agencies, I wonder whether they are tapping all of my communications mechanisms (with or without warrant).  Although I am probably too low on the food chain to take notice of, I could still be a target of theirs due to being a vocal TG.  

I can't bother to worry much about these jerks.  If things go sour here, I intend to be out of the country, safely ensconced in a retirement haven waiting for things to change.  As for younger people, I will give them as much help as I can while obeying the laws that the International Criminal Court would expect all "Civilians" to adhere to, and not assist in any crimes against humanity. 

 

We're now programmed to fail.

 

Years ago, when I started my career in technology, I had faith in a system that provided opportunity for all.  It didn't matter whether a person was black or white.  There was a relative meritocracy in this country, with an elite that cared somewhat for the conditions that the masses lived under.  I learned to analyze a situation, find the cause of a problem, and resolve it.  Over the years, I learned to look at larger systems and perform root cause analyses for problems in these systems.  Today, what I'm seeing frightens me.

We're seeing, in real time, the gradual destruction of American society.  A bandit class has gained control, a class which has no ability to care for the welfare of the masses.  The leader that we elected has exposed his toxic nature, and many of his followers are finally seeing the man for what he is - a man who only cares for himself, someone who has no ability to care for the little people who put him back in power.

People like me are under attack because we don't cleanly fit into the gender binary that his core supporters use to define their world. But we are not the only people under attack.  People who believe in science and the scientific method are under attack too.  We've seeing the destruction of the CDC, due to a crackpot in charge of the Department of Health and Human Services.  I can only wonder what epidemics will affect our nation, given the outflow of qualified, talented professionals from our government.  We're seeing a government ready to debase our currency, institute questionable tariffs, and do everything possible to create another great depression.  What's going to happen when people lose hope?

What is the root cause of society's current problems?  As I see it, it was a big mistake made by the elites 50-60 years ago.  America's business elites decided to globalize manufacturing without providing a safety net, a transition plan for those workers who would be displaced from their jobs as work migrated overseas.  Educated people in large metropolitan areas would still be able to find work.  But few jobs were being created in areas being hollowed out by globalization.  People in these areas lost hope in the system, and became ready to follow a populist leader who'd make idle promises.  They needed to show their anger towards the elites, and became more radicalized. 

Once people become marginalized and lose hope, they are willing to gamble on anything that would improve their lots in life.  They will often feel that restoring the oppressive social norms of the past will fix things.  But they only make things worse.  Instead of looking for ways to grow the economic pie, they look to keep others from getting their share the pie.  This only serves the bandit capitalist, as alienated people will blindly support leaders that make speeches that give lip service to the supposed needs of those people.

Right now, our president has set America on a course to fail.  As a result, he will likely collapse the world economy.  I shudder to think of what will happen if he succeeds in his plans.  What he will gain from this, I'm not sure.  I think he's a Nero who will fiddle while Rome burns - and enjoy the flames.  As for me, I want to be as far away from Rome as possible....
 

Now that I'm back from my cruise, it's time to catch up on things.

 

Now that I'm back at home, there was a lot waiting for me at my doorstep.  First, there was a large packet of held mail.  And then, were the packages waiting for me that were delivered while I was away.  And now, I'm thinking of what I have to catch up on before I go away again.

- - - - - - 

While I was away, I read something in the NY Times and Washington Post in regard to Transgender Youth treatment by medical organizations.  Seems like the Orange Snowflake is violating HIPAA rules to get access to personal information regarding these children.  To make things worse, it seems like they plan to force these children to go through "Conversion Therapy."  (I can only wonder how many of these children will commit suicide if forced into this kind of inhumane treatment.)  If of any readers knows of any transgender children receiving treatment, now is the time to get them out of the US by any means possible.  

I know one woman whose child is TG.  She's working on getting him German citizenship to protect him from the US government, with the idea of leaving the US and having his TG status protected by a democratic government.  I personally know one child who is receiving psychiatric care for being TG.  If needed, I will help this family bring the child to a foreign nation, so that the child will not be harmed by forced conversion therapy.

- - - - - -

Paying bills is always a chore.  However, I only had 5 bills to pay, and none of them were yet due.  So $660 later, I owe nothing to any bank - and my used credit is zero.  (Mind you, I'd probably have a better credit rating if I paid my bills between the billing dates and the due dates.  But I hate thinking about credit cards, when I treat them as cash for most purchases.)

Normally, I have a charge pending on one of my credit cards after a cruise.  On this cruise, I had a truck load of refundable and non-refundable cruise credits, and spent them down to within a nickel of exhausting them all.  When we take our next cruise, we'll have even more refundable cruise credits which we do not intend to spend.  This way, the money we got back for taking a "move over" cruise will end up in our pockets, and not in the cruise line's tills.

- - - - - -

Given that we only had 3 days of dirty clothes left from our cruise, I was able to unpack my large suitcase and carry-on, and be mostly packed for our next cruise.  (I'll take the laundered clothes and repack them when I'm next at RQS's place.)  It's nice to be able to do one's laundry on a cruise ship on a sea day.  How many times can one go to the buffet, ice cream shop or onboard movies before one has the itch to spend money?

Since I like NOT sending my laundry to the onboard (expensive) laundry service, I probably will keep cruising on Princess's ships, as their low-keyed attempts to pick a cruiser's pockets (and deliver value) is more my style of cruise line I like to cruise with.  Even though I get a free bag of laundry on NCL, the small size of their bags make it impossible to come back home without an overly large amount of laundry to clean.

- - - - - -

Tomorrow, I have to run a few errands.  I'll finally be back in Marian mode for the first time in over 2 weeks.  The next day, I'll see my doctor (who will read me the riot act for weight gained on this cruise), and I'll finally get the chance to have my nails done before going on our next cruise.  It's so nice to be able to spend the money to pamper one's self with a Mani-Pedi in a local salon.  

- - - - - -

RQS gained 5 pounds while on the cruise.  I expect that they will go away with getting back to normal eating habits.  But it is something we'll have to watch out for while we're on our next cruise.  (I guess I'll have to stop eating as much rich food as I became accustomed to on the ship.) 

- - - - - -

Of course, I expect that I will need to deal with both Co-Op related  business and family homestead related business.  I have been out of touch with both the co-op management corporation and the co-op president, as well as my brother (for the family homestead).  I expect to be dealing with some interesting issues when I'm considered back in the real world.

 

How things have changed

 

Last year, I wouldn't think twice about going on a cruise dressed like this.  Today, given what we're seeing on TV (mostly YouTube video blogs), I'm not so sure about how I'd be treated by federal authorities.  The DOJ is going after medical records of Transgender Youth, and we've seen erasures from the Federal record of all things that celebrate or recognize the contributions of people in American society other than Straight, Cisgender, White Christian males.  The rest of us don't count for anything these days.

Why is this important?

We are seeing the malicious destruction of the American way of life by a malignant few.  Even the people who once supported the Orange Snowflake are turning away from him, as he is keeping what would normally only be campaign promises - things that are said to make people happy before an election, and not to be delivered on when in power. 

Instead of stable trading relationships with our allies, we are using tariffs to kill these relationships.  Instead of looking the other way when illegal immigrants do the work that Americans don't want to do, we are seeing tens of thousands of jobs go unfilled affecting both rural and urban economies.  Instead of having a federal government who'd step in and help when natural disasters occur, we now have a central government that tells us that disaster recovery is only a state responsibility.  Instead of having a government which protects individual rights, we now have a central government overseeing the stripping away of these rights.  In short, instead of having relative peace, order, and a well-functioning government, we have a belligerent, capricious, poorly-functioning kleptocracy.

For the first time in my life, I wish I were born in a stable European country.  Yes, each major country in Europe has big problems.  But they remember what happens when a bombastic, hate-mongering, kleptocratic leader took control of Central Europe. And they fear what is happening with America, as they have long depended on a stable , democratic American superpower for their own prosperity and freedom.

Next week, I will file the paperwork to get my second passport.  I'm hoping that I won't need it for an escape from America.  But if that time comes, I want to be ready. 

In my heart, I can't understand ignorance.

 

In my heart, I can't understand ignorance.  Maybe it's that I have a desire to understand as much as I can?  Who knows?  But as I write this, MAGA is denying that the Orange Snowflake's birthday parade was hardly attended, while 11 million people attended No Kings protests across the nation.

One of my Facebook friends, a TG person who doesn't want to acknowledge the truth that only photographs can show, is caught up in the false narrative that there weren't that many people attending the protests.  But then, she hasn't seen the "Gender Correction" letter being sent out for passport renewals.

- - - - - -

Ignorance is either a lack of opportunity to see an objective truth, or a choice to ignore an objective truth.  If one sees the objective truth and recognizes it as such, then the person is rational.  Choosing to ignore an objective truth is something else.  I'm not sure of what to call this.  Yet, who defines "Objective Truth?"  Years ago, broadcast TV had something known as the "Fairness Doctrine."  Sadly, Ronald Reagan killed that off, and along with it died objective news casting. Today, people pick their "news" sources based on their prejudices, and never hear opposing points of view that would test their views of reality.

Sadly, news organizations without a Fairness Doctrine will slant the news to serve the wishes of their owners.  All too often people on both sides of the political divide claim that the other side is reporting falsehoods. This has resulted in the political divide we have today - to such an extent that rational people should be thinking: Should we split up the United States along its political divides and limit the harm done to people on both sides of the divide?  Or, should we put guardrails on the 1st amendment to the constitution, and somehow make all organizations claiming to report the news report it objectively.

- - - - - -

I have a transgender acquaintance who still yearns for some of the conveniences of her biologically male past, such as being able to pee standing up.  Another transgender acquaintance I met through a (former?) reader of this blog is obviously TG.  That shouldn't be a problem, but this person moved to the back woods of Upstate NY and was rejected by her conservative church.  They both have the same flaw - they think that their (political) tribal membership card will continue to be accepted after transition.  I'm reminded of the Jews who supported Hitler, thinking that he'd take care of ALL who supported him.  Yes, they were taken care of, but not in the way they thought.

The above two people are choosing to be ignorant.  I expect that reality will soon hit them in the face.  It's a shame, as us aware people understand the consequences of the actions of people like those two, and we hate the upcoming suffering that their type is causing to happen.  As for me, I will try to get out of the way and report what is going on objectively as long as I can.
 

I had lunch with "Short" Vicki today, and I'm glad we're friends who live in different worlds.

 

Last night, I didn't get a good night's sleep.  Although I went to bed earlier than usual, I passed out around 2 am, and woke up sometime around 5 am for a bio-break.  At this point, my body was awake enough to resist falling back to sleep, causing me to wish that I didn't have lunch scheduled with "Short" Vicki today.

- - - - - -

Vicki made a mistake in the choice of restaurant.  She thought it would be open at 11:30 am, and it didn't open until noon.  This didn't matter much, as I noted that I was feeling a little bit "Off" today.  Could it be the ennui I've been feeling as of late?  Or, could I be suffering with over stimulation to what's going on in the world as of late.  In short, I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much, and that I don't have the energy to participate in life.  Hopefully, Vicki will understand the mental malaise I've been dealing with lately.

We caught up on what's been going on in our lives, and I realized that she and I live in two very different worlds.  She's out and about regarding her sexuality, where I still keep part of myself in a closet - for practical reasons, given this administration.  Vicki said that I shouldn't fear US Customs upon returning to the US from a cruise, but I can't be sure of this given how border control has been hassling "certain people".  I don't want to get caught in their BS and be the person who has to fight to defend myself. But then, I'll admit that I could be over reacting to the news as of late.  Yet, I feel that my knowledge of history is telling me to be werry, werry careful - Elmer the snowflake may soon be hunting transgender wabbits.

- - - - - -

After lunch, I went home to rest.  And I know that I passed out on the couch watching TV.  This is what I needed, although I am likely to be up through the night.  I'll catch up on some of my chores tomorrow....

Bringing some of my 2nd wardrobe to RQS's place.

 

As most of my readers know, my girlfriend/partner, RQS, is comfortable with me being in Marian mode when we're outside together. She's traveled with me in Marian mode, and will likely do it again when the Orange Snowflake is out of power. In the near future, I'll be bringing some of my feminine wardrobe to RQS's place (she's OK with this), as the weather will be perfect for both of us to be spending time in dresses on warn NYC summer days.  

Why is this important?

Most of us gender variant people (transgenders, bi-genders, cross-dressers, etc.) who don't fit into the traditional gender binary do not have spouses/partners who are comfortable with our non-traditional presentations. I am one of those lucky ones that do, something I wouldn't have dreamed of 6 years ago when I was dating XGFJ.  

I will take things slowly, bringing only a small subset of my wardrobe to RQS's place - 4 or 5 sets of undies, socks, dresses, and the makeup I'll need to go out with her.  (I'll also bring some shoes and other accoutrements.) I'll take care not to overwhelm her with my feminine things, as well as keeping the space they take up to be a minimum.  (She has very little storage space in her apartment.)  But this will be a milestone for us, as both sides of me will be present in her place.  We are blending households - but in two apartments we are keeping for the foreseeable future.

Hopefully, I will have more good news to write about over time, as I'd rather write about things like this than write about how MAGA is trying to persecute us.  Either way, I'll write about it.

 

Resistance is Futile. (Yeah, right!)

 

Lately, the last thing the Orange Snowflake wants us to have is hope.  He wants us to feel that resistance is futile.  The reality is, resistance is not futile.  If one looks at the court cases he has been losing, and one can see that even a biased court system can hold him to account, or stop his attacks from a specific legal angle.

For some, staying off of his radar is the best thing to do.  For others, it makes sense to go out in the world without fear (but remaining cautious), as we need to show the world that we exist and are nothing to fear.  And still, for others, one has to take on a public fight.  If one can go stealth, one can still support the trans people who are unable to be stealth where they live,  If one can't go stealth, one can still try to live as normal a life as possible. And if one is already in the public eye, one can take on an open fight and force issues into the courts, where we have a better chance than with the snowflake's growing gestapo force.

 

I have scheduled 4 future cruises.  In normal times, 2 of them would have been taken as Marian.  Given that I don't know how US Customs is treating transgender people (pre-op, post-op, or non-op) with or without gender conforming id since the snowflake took office, I'm erring on the side of caution.  Yet, I am looking for ways that I can travel in a mode closer to my authentic self than I do now.  This will likely have me have photos of me in Mario mode wearing a toupee in an androgynous style, and use that when traveling as Marian.  (I'd be in full Marian mode, with wig and breast forms on a cruise ship, or when I reach my destination.)

 

My resistance is to live my life as openly as I can.  If someone challenges me, I will say that I am trans and see what happens, then act accordingly.  Hopefully, this age of lunacy will end soon, and we will see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Until then, I will resist the snowflake as best I can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's amazing where one finds evidence of trans people

 

I love this computer generated image of me as an action figure.  It truly reflects the life I wish I could have lived.  I'd have felt good about myself, and it would have shown in my face and my smile.  However, I didn't live this life - all because of a tiny chromosome.

Why did I mention this?

Today, I went to the bank to get some CDs renewed for the Co-Op, and to get some papers notarized for claiming Unclaimed Funds from New York State.  When I sat down with one of the branch officers, our chit chat turned to second citizenship.  She is trying to get citizenship for herself and her child in one EU country by birthright, and I'm doing the same with another country. Since the uncertainty of American politics came up, she felt safe in mentioning that her son is transgender, going on hormones at the age of 18.  Luckily, his US passport expires in 8 years, and we hope this this hateful regime is gone by then.  If not, she and her son will go to Canada.  As for me, I will go to Europe, and settle in a country with a low cost of living.

There are more of us out there than most people know.  Now is the find each other before any pogroms start.  Once/if they do, we will need the help of others sympathetic to our needs to get out of Dodge before sundown.....

Lunch with a friend, then more cruise packing. (a short post)

 

I've always been a fan of Bugs Bunny cartoons.  The "Waskelly Wabbit" (as Elmer Fudd would call him) was one of the few well developed characters from the age of animated shorts, a character who would almost always triumph over adversity.  Today, I had lunch with a friend who is overcoming adversity in her life, and whom I feel certain with most challenges she may encounter.

Unlike past lunches, we picked up sandwiches at the local deli and went to a local park to eat them.  And there we caught up on what was going on in each other's lives, including all of the stresses we had to deal with.  She mentioned family issues, some of which involve her son being away at school, her husband's health, and an in-law family who doesn't want to understand what she has to deal with.  And later, we got to talking about my transgender nature in passing.  I noted that I always preferred the female role in life, the nature of women's social connections, and that my genitals weren't as important to me as much as the role I would play in life.  What I didn't say is that I would likely not have been married had I been a cisgender female, as I am too independent to be in a relationship only for sex (no matter what my orientation would have been.)

All too soon, lunch had to end, and I had to return home to pack.  Cinderella's slipper had fallen off, and it likely won't be found until Thursday.

 

 

Retirement can be the life of some people and the death of others

 

A little under 11 years ago, I was laid off by the bank I worked at for 30 years.  Before this happened, I was in total fear of what would happen next.  Today, I think of this as a great blessing.  Before being laid off, I was worried about what would happen if word of Marian got back to the bank.  Afterwards, I felt free to explore this part of myself and grow as a person.

Being retired has given me the freedom to be my authentic self.  I have traveled as Marian, and I have grown because I've done so.  When my legal identity is not revealed, I am able to call myself Marian, and people accept me as such.  I've found that people accept me more as Marian, in part, because I am more open as my authentic self.  Yes, some people clock me as transgender.  But I am usually treated with respect, as I live in a state which expects that people like me will be treated with respect.

At first, being retired meant that I had an excess of free time.  But this only meant that the ways I use my time and energy would change.  Now, I find that it takes me longer to get many things done, but I am much more relaxed in doing so. My time is no longer ruled by the clock and calendar, instead, it is managed by them.  There will always be events that take place on fixed times and days (such as going to church services), but most tasks can be done at my convenience.  If being employed is like classical music with fixed structures and tempos, then retirement is like jazz, where one has freedom to improvise around a known theme.

But this freedom isn't good for all people.  My former therapist was an alcoholic in recovery who always seemed in control of his life.  The structures he built in sobriety (exercise routines, AA meetings, and client appointments) weren't there in retirement.  As soon as he left his practice in White Plains for retirement in Honolulu, his life fell apart.  Within 5 years, his son was in danger of repeating his father's life, he had divorced his wife, and he finally passed away.  It is no secret that a large number of men tend to die within 3 years of retirement - employment gave these men a structure needed to live as long as they did.

So what do I recommend for people, especially men, for whom retirement is in the near future?  To be direct - social engagement in late middle age is hard for most men, and it is much harder for them to connect with others and befriend them.  This is where women tend to have it much easier - their lives are built around the social glue that keeps society together.  Who tends to take care of babies?  Women.  Who tends to take care of household responsibilities other than physical upkeep of property - Women.  Who tends to dominate the nurturing jobs in society, such as Nurses and Teachers?  Women.  And to do this, they tend to build up networks that most men wish they could do.  When a woman approaches another person (especially other women), sexuality is not part of the equation.  Only when she deliberately sends out signals of interest does sex come in to play.  Men tend to be much more isolated, as their connections are usually built around their careers and not about their families' connections with other families.

For us transgenders, we send out more awkward messages - especially when we first come out.  What women learn over a lifetime of being female, we have to learn in  a crash course in femininity.  So, finding new friends is much harder for us than for cisgender people.  I am lucky that I was laid off from the bank when I was 57, and had time to develop myself into a person ready for full retirement.  Yes, making new friends is still awkward for me.  Yet, at least, I have done so.....  

 

I've been entering my cruises into The Cruise Globe, and some interesting things show up.

 

Lately, I've been entering information from my prior cruises into The Cruise Globe, and it has been mapping each of my cruises as I enter them.  Not all of my cruises have been entered yet, and I am doing the research to fill the rest of them in.

Why am I mentioning this?

The bulk of my cruises have been out of New York: NCL out of the Manhattan Cruise Terminal, Princess and MSC out of the Brooklyn Cruise Terminal.  My other cruises have been out of San Francisco, Los Angeles, Honolulu, Fort Lauderdale, and Southampton, England.  Some of these cruises have been with a travel partner, and others have been as a solo.  Some of these cruises have been as Mario and others as Marian. And on each of these cruises, I learn a little more about myself and the world as a whole.

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Some cruise ships, like NCL's Pride of America, act as floating hotels that take people from port to port for their sightseeing.  Others, like many Royal Caribbean ships, are resorts in themselves.  Most cruise ships are somewhere in the middle.  Yet, cruising is not for everyone.  If one wants to visit a city and get to know it well, cruising is not the way to do this.  But if one wants to sample several places in one vacation trip without having to unpack, then cruising might be the vacation for you.

Entering data into the Cruise Globe triggered memories of how I was treated as a transgender person on some of the trips.  Occasionally, I was addressed by my dreaded masculine name, which put me in an awkward situation at times.  Other times, I was treated properly for a woman of my age.  Sometimes, I was reminded how I slipped into my masculine voice in the early days of traveling as Marian.  Each entry brings up some memory from the associated cruise, some good, some bad, and some embarrassing. What I found most interesting was that I have spent almost 6 months on cruise ships since I lost my wife to cancer.

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Soon, I'll be going on another cruise and reporting on it here.  Hopefully, I will continue to learn more new things while revisiting places I've been to before.

Lunch with another Vicki - transgender issues were the theme of the day

 

Unlike yesterday's dinner with Vicki #1 (Tall Vicki), today's lunch was with Vicki #2 (Short Vicki)..  It's hard to keep my Vickis straight without a scorecard.  With that being said, we went to Chazz Palmenteri's restaurant in White Plains for a Restaurant Week meal.

Vicki ended up shoehorning me into her schedule, as unplanned things got in her way.  First, her 21-y/o TG offspring had to be picked up from college, as they had a power outage and were operating remotely for the day.  Since he had no power at school, he couldn't attend a virtual class without power and the internet.  So she ended up driving up to Purchase, back to Dobbs Ferry, and back to White plains to meet me.  While at lunch, she described the issues going on with her wife (who is transgender, and whose issues I won't mention here), as well as the vacation they plan to take next month.  All too soon, we had to go.  She had to take her offspring back to campus, reversing her morning's drives.

As for me, I took a long drive to stay out of the house.  I could have gone to Queens for a TG voice session at the LGBT center there, but I didn't want to risk getting caught in the rain.  So, I stayed home and rested. 

I have to resist temptation these days.

 

In this uncertain age, I am easily tempted to write more about the crap that is going on in Washington, DC, and what is happening in my life as a transgender person.  It's all too easy to write about the breakdown in the administration of Law and Order, as evidenced by the actions of the Orange Snowflake, his cabinet, "his" congress, and his MAGA supporters.  These people are eager to make us transgender people the first of many whipping girls for the crimes being committed by his regime.  Yet, given how boring a non-op transgender person's life can be, I could easily go on for hours writing about politics, something I don't intend for this blog to be about.

Like many women, I enjoy shopping for, and buying new clothes.  My late wife would be amazed to see how many dresses I have fit in to what was her side of the closet. She'd probably tease me a little and then choose a dress for me to wear out - except when celebrating our wedding anniversary.  It's been almost 30 years since she passed away, and I still miss her presence.  No, I'm not putting her on a pedestal.  She had serious faults.  But I liked her as a person, and I miss the things that attracted me to her.

If I felt that I looked good in female clothing other than dresses, I'd have loaded up my closet with these garments.  Assuming that I lose a dress size or two, I will likely build a more varied feminine wardrobe which includes nicer tops, skirts, and trouser like garments. My ideal life would be to be able to go out in anything from my closet or dresser and only be seen as a woman and not a trans-woman. And this would include being able to travel, present my documents, and have no one hassle me on account of any gender marker on my documents.

This leads me back to politics.  The GOP doesn't give a damn about how it treats transgender people. The GOP congress has written rules for the capitol building which prevents a representative from Delaware from relieving herself in the facilities meant for women.  Should Sarah McBride suffer the indignity of being forced to use the men's room for her bio-breaks?  No.  But this is what the GOP thinks is important right now.

Months ago, my congressional representative, Mike Lawler, NY-17, said that he'd oppose any attempt to harm social security.  Yet, once the "DOGE" department started to decapitate Social Security, all we heard was crickets - he won't oppose anything being done to harm his constituents.  You can guess who is not getting my vote when next he runs.  Strangely enough, he may be looking to run for governor next year.  I hope we have someone strong running against him, with all the financial resources needed to retire him before he can cause even more damage to my district.

My goal is to be able to live as Marian full time and to be able to travel as Marian whenever I want.  Although I'll talk to people who support the GOP, I won't trust them to do the right thing when it counts. So, I'll have to do what I can within the law to stop them from taking away my human rights....

A more pleasant day, knowing that I'd be playing games tonight.

 

This is the way I wish my face could have looked when I was younger.  I'd have had a full head of hair, a female face, and a friendly, outgoing demeanor.  Instead, I grew up as a male, with all the repression of my authentic self that many transgender people have.

Given America's march towards an unchecked authoritarian regime, I needed something to cheer me up, as I wouldn't be able to present as Marian until next week.  Luckily, it was game night, and I made my trek to Yonkers for a fun night.  And tonight, both host and hostess were there for games, giving me to talk about their TG son after the games ended.

While there, I sent a link to one of our gamers (a leftist) for an article showing how close America is to having a "French Style" revolution.  I know he'll find that interesting when he gets the chance to read it. After the games were over, I had the chance to have a quick chat about the couple's TG son, finding out that almost everyone is trying to treat him with respect.  Something I didn't ask about, but got an answer I was glad to know, was that their son won't be getting any hormone treatments until he is 18.  I then mentioned that I felt they were doing the right thing, as he should be of legal age before making a permanent decision about his life and the body he will live in.

All too soon, it was time to leave.  It was pouring when I made it to my car.  So, I made my usual late night phone call to RQS (albeit, an hour early), while driving to Walmart for a second set of new bed linens. Now, I can alternate between sets on the bed and in the hamper.  I didn't have the time to get to the supermarket as planned, but this wasn't a real problem for me.  I can take care of that on my way back from Long Island this weekend.