Over the past couple of weeks, my ex girlfriend I have been having a civil exchange of emails. I can't say where this will lead. But it would be nice to have a friendship again. Yes, the topic that caused us to argue still makes me feel sad. But that's the price I pay for my side of the dispute. And I won't go into this much further.
- - - - - -
Life keeps throwing me curve balls, and I keep trying to hit them. Sometimes, I get a hit. Sometimes, I hit a foul. And at other times, I strike out. It's amazing that I find the energy to do this after all these years, even though my heart isn't always into it. That often applies to romance, as I don't like being alone for long.
Years ago, when I lost my wife, I didn't take the time to heal. No one was there to guide me, or to advise me. Such is life. Yet, I survived my past. A few months after her passing, I wrote a letter to a woman who I was once engaged to (CSN), and hadn't seen in 12 years. Strangely enough, we had a few dates, and then things petered out. She was still the same person that I remembered, save that she was clueless about how most people really are. Like me, she was a person who could not "code shift" her message to fit the needs of her audience.
Over the years, I've had some fun looking up CSN's information on the internet with no intention of getting together again. Since this woman has an almost invisible internet presence, I find it interesting how little information is available about her. Yet, I found out some interesting tidbits, such as an inkling of how her father was passing on assets to her without negative tax consequences or probate consequences. Hopefully, the financial advice she got was optimal, as I'd like to see this woman do well.
- - - - - -
I'd love to have a good reason to bump into some exes again, especially the woman who was my first girlfriend about 45 years ago. In her case, I'd like to thank her for causing me to think about my life and becoming a unique individual, not an imitation of someone else. Like CSN, she has a small internet fingerprint, and is even harder to find. She shares her name with a formerly popular Hollywood actress. Hopefully she's doing well, and that she has a pleasant memory of that summer we were together.
- - - - - -
So, my train of thought comes back to the most recent ex. Trust can only be rebuilt over time. The slightest screw up can cause much good will to be squandered in an instant. We both hurt each other a lot, either by design or by ignorance. Either way, I don't want to cause her any more pain....
