Game night came a little early this month.

 

The above picture has nothing to do with the subject of this entry.  I just thought it nice enough to be posted, and a reminder of travels I once made before the pandemic changed everything.

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Normally, game night is two weeks on, then two weeks off.  This month, the host made a minor mistake in scheduling, and we ended up getting together one week early.  That is more than OK with me, as I was there in time to play a game from the beginning AND play it until it came to a natural end.

The host and hostess of game night are good people, and I have signed some papers which should benefit their children if something bad were to happen to my family before I die.  Hopefully, this situation will never come to pass.  But it if does, I know of two people who will remember me even more fondly than they do now.  And this couple accepts me as Marian, not caring that my legal identity is still Mario....

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I've been going to game night for the better part of a decade now, and am considered one of the core group of people they will invite into their house to play games.  It's nice to be considered someone people wants to have around. 

Things can get to a healthy normal, but....

 

Yesterday, I had dinner with a friend who knows me only as Marian, but knows that Mario exists. She is 80 years old, and has had her vaccinations against Covid.  In passing, she mentioned that she has rarely gone out to eat with anyone since the pandemic started, and is masked going everywhere.  So I was very glad that she took the chance to have a bite to eat with me.

Both of us know the risks of being unvaccinated, and are very upset at when is going on in this country.  It doesn't take that much to reach a stage of normalcy - we've had it for a while in the Northeast due to our high rate of vaccination.  But this could end very quickly if a variant were to breach the vaccines' defenses and get most people sick (with symptoms).  At 80, my friend knows she has 10 years or so left to live a healthy life.  But what about me?  My dad lived to 92, and that gives me almost 30 years I should expect to live.

I know that I will eventually have problems getting out and about.  And at that time, I will have some hard decisions to make.

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The other day, I interviewed with the NYS Court System for a position.  Today, I got the rejection latter that I expected.  (Can anyone say "Ageism?")  Luckily, I didn't need the job, and I hope that it goes to someone who can be in that job for more than 5 years or so.

This event frees me up to plan for a Hawaii cruise later in the year.  If people get smart, they will get vaccinated and will wear their masks - and the number of sick people will drop to levels where I will feel safe in taking the cruise.  However, if people keep being stupid, I'll play it safe and book a different cruise when the illness rates are at a level I feel safe in booking a cruise.

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My friend Vicki and I have felt comfortable dining out throughout the pandemic.  When the authorities loosened restrictions enough for us to dine indoors, that's what we did.  But there are people who took unrealistic chances, such as members in one meetup group whose meetings I never attended and never will.  I only wonder how many of these people will feel if they are told to isolate themselves again.  Will they do so?  Frankly, it's hard for me to give much of a damn, as I am not part of the group.  However, what I'll miss is the chance to do things with Vicki.

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Life involves making choices and hoping for the best.  One has to make tradeoffs.  One person I know wants a soul mate to keep her from being lonely.  The woman I dined with last night wouldn't know what to do with a man if one were interested in her - she doesn't want to become anyone's nurse at this stage of her life.  She has chosen to be a complete person without a partner.  She has made some important tradeoffs to do this.  And I think she'll eventually die (hopefully, not for a long time) with few regrets in her life.  Isn't this the type of person that can inspire us to be better versions of ourselves?  I certainly think so.

People enter and leave your life for a reason - I just wish I knew what those reasons were.

 

The title of this entry may say it all.   

I once dated a woman who broke up with me, and then resumed our intimate relationship.  (I'm talking about Patty here.)  She may have been trying to get my attention, and then again, she may have had second thoughts about what she did after she did it.  When I finally broke things off later on, it was several years before we were in contact again.  And then, it was because she had a surgical procedure that prevented her brain from being starved of blood.  Recently, someone mentioned a symbolic breakup as a tactic for getting the attention of the other partner, and I would advise against it.  The partner may assume that the breakup is complete, and prematurely start the process of moving on.  In the case of Patty, we were able to reconnect as friends, and we still get together to this day.

Not all exits are permanent, as my experience with Patty shows.  However, some exits are permanent.   Years ago, I was close friends with a fellow who yearned to be a Lutheran Minister.  I was instrumental in his attempts to convince his parents that a career in Medicine, Law, or Accounting wasn't for him.  He demonstrated that a degree in Computer Science would always make it possible for him to find work, and his parents didn't protest too loudly when he followed his calling, getting his Doctor of Divinity degree, and set himself up as a local parish's minister.  Although his parents are long gone, and I haven't seen him or his wife in over 25 years, I can safely say that they should be proud of what their son has accomplished. Hopefully, I'll be able to take a long weekend at the Jersey Shore and visit him one last time (at his parish) before he retires.

Some exits are unpleasant, as in the case with one of my former friends.  I will not go into any of the details here, as I've talked way too much about her in the past.  In some of these cases, one wishes s/he could rewrite the past.  But that's not possible.  These are teachable moments - where one should learn what not to make, so that these kind of exits won't happen again.  Recently, I made a comment about one former acquaintance, noting that she spoke and wrote loudly.  This was one of the rare times where I wanted to disconnect from someone who could not be a true friend.  For the most part, I try to avoid unpleasantness, but it seems to happen no matter what I do.

Most of the people who enter my life enter as a result of some trauma they have experienced, or as a way to deal with some of the stresses they are dealing with.  I can say this is true about several of the girlfriends I've dated, but won't go into the details here.  Those people who have already gotten their acts together look for someone in a better place than I am.  As a result, I'm left to help others deal with their problems.  Sometimes, I can do so.  Other times, it's too much for me - as in the case of FH.  Her problems were related to her personality.  Yet, I found her interesting enough to hang out with for the better part of a year.

If you look at the picture at the top of this entry, it is the image of a British artist (Grayson Perry) after being being awarded his CBE title from Prince Charles.  I would love to have a woman support me in my endeavors such as his wife (pictured on his immediate right). This couple has been together for years, and have raised a beautiful daughter together. Luckily for me, I have been able to maintain a motley crew of friendships as people enter and exit....

Dumpsters and injuries

 

What would you do if you accidentally tossed your key chain into the dumpster?  That's the question I was forced to answer the other day as I was about to go out.  

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Imagine the following situation: 

It was a holiday weekend, and no help was available to me.  Getting in and out of the dumpster would be a problem, and I wasn't sure of how foul smelling the refuse deposited there would be.  I needed the keys to get back inside my apartment, and I was already running late to meet up with someone and go out to dinner.  What would you do?

Well, for a big T-Gal like me, I got to the front rim of the dumpster, applied all my weight, and tipped over a 800+ lb. dumpster.  It would be the only way for me to sort through the trash.  (Too bad that I didn't have a good way to upright the dumpster afterwards.  Thankfully, it was almost empty.)  In the process of tipping over the dumpster, I fell flat on my back and injured my tail bone.  Sitting would be very uncomfortable for the rest of the night.  

Eventually, I found my keys, and tried to find some people to get the dumpster upright again.  Sadly, I couldn't do this.  After the weekend, I will call my complex's super to see what could be done.  And if it costs the co-op money, I will reimburse the co-op for its expenses.

 

 

PS: I laid in bed all the next day to avoid aggravating my injury.  When I did have to bend or flex, my lower back reminded me that it was hurting and that I needed to take it easy. 

PPS: When I got home from work (following the long weekend), I noticed that the dumpster was uprighted.  I'll have to find out whether it cost the co-op any money to do this, and I'll reimburse the appropriate people.

 

 

So mundane...

 

One of the more mundane things I have to do each year is to get my car inspected.  It's usually not a headache, but I dread it because of the unknown - what expensive thing could be wrong with my car, and how quickly can it be fixed.

Today, I took my car in for its yearly inspection, along with an oil change, tire rotation, and wiper replacement.  And I got out of there for only the expected price.  No, this is not a negative comment about a bad mechanic.  Instead, it is a positive statement on how a reputable shop services its clients. After spending $2,000-$3,000 in the past year to keep my car in good operating condition, I expected that my car would pass inspection - and it did.

A friend in New Jersey felt that New York's system is much more convenient than the system used there.  That may be true.  But New Jersey's system has a bias towards honesty in its inspections.  The inspection stations have nothing to gain by failing a car.  The mechanics get paid no more or less if a car passes or fails inspection.  Contrast this with New York, where some inspection stations employ unscrupulous people out to make money from cars failing inspection.

What do you think about your state's method of getting unsafe cars off the road?  I'd love to find out....

 

PS: Shortly after I went out for the evening, the TPMS Warning (Tire Pressure Monitoring System) showed up on my car's display.  It looks like I'll be going back to the mechanic sometime next week if this doesn't reset by itself.

If I cooked more at home, I'd be tempted to do this.

 

The above is the cover page from a web site of a firm that sells shares of butchered meat to the public.  This firm, Walden local meat, sells shares which they will have delivered to your home in the NYC area and in New England.

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I first got wind of this firm several years ago, when I received a post card describing their service.  During the pandemic, if I found myself driving to Hudson to go to the former Applestone Meat Company to get butchered meat, I'd have tried out a Walden subscription.  (There is no way I'd have driven to Boston to visit their shop.  Too bad they don't open a second in-person outlet in the NYC area.)  The prices are reasonable for high quality meats, but it might not pay for a person cooking for one to get a subscription.

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During the pandemic, many wholesalers such as Baldor decided to open their doors to the general public.  Many kept minimum order requirements to avoid loss generating transactions.  But it opened up the door for the public to get ingredients usually available only to restaurant chefs.  If the worst of the pandemic restrictions stayed with us preventing us from going shopping in person, I'd have ordered from these firms.  We were very lucky to get back to some "normalcy" within a short few months of quarantine. So I didn't have to change my ways that much.

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One day, I expect that I will try out Walden's services.  That will likely be when I've found someone with whom to settle down.  It'll be nice to eat something healthy again. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was 20 years ago today....

How many of you remember 9/11/01?  Do you remember where you were when the towers were hit?  I certainly do.  Virtually all New Yorkers knew people who were directly affected by the terrorist attack, people who died, as well as survivors.  

I began writing this entry on the day where the last US serviceman/woman was evacuated from Kabul, with the idea that this would be the rare post to appear on the day being discussed. 

 

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Politicians certainly know how to get us into wars - the loss of roughly 3,000 people in one set of attacks was more than enough to justify this war.  But once Bin Laden was killed, it was time to leave.  And leaving a war zone when a nation hasn't really won a war will always be messy.  We saw this in Vietnam, and we just saw this in Afghanistan.  We ended up depending on our enemy to provide security while we exited the theater of war.

Politicians will be long arguing about what Biden did right and what he did wrong.  But the deal to get out was made by Trump (one of the few good things for which I'll give him credit), and left for others to implement.  As for me, on the whole, I think Biden did the right thing.  Yet, there was much room for improvement.  At least we got over 100k people evacuated before the Taliban took over.

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But how many of us remember what it was like before 9/11/01?

20 years ago, airports and other public spaces were relatively free from "Security Theater".  (Much of what we see is meant to impress the public.  What the public doesn't see is really meant to protect us.) One could meet family at the arrivals gate, going through minimal security inspections which were meant to keep people from bringing firearms on planes.  If one wanted, one could go to the airport, go shopping inside (why, I don't know - but Pittsburgh once advertised its airport shopping), and then go home.  I could bring my soft drinks through security, and not have to pay outrageous prices to quench my thirst.  

One of my trips had me traveling from San Antonio, TX to White Plains, NY with a change of planes in Chicago, IL.  However, the plane coming from Denver, CO was late, and I'd never make my connection to New York.  Luckily, the gate agent changed the booking the second leg of my trip fly on on another airline (something not done today), and said that I had 30 minutes to make it from American Airlines' terminal to United airlines' terminal.  Little did I know that I'd be running from the far end of one part of the airport to the far end of another part of the airport, going through security (exit and reentry) in the process with only 2 minutes to spare.  I could not have made this connection less than a decade later.

Two decades ago, corporations were much more lax regarding building security.  I could go to a job interview without having to present any identification when I entered a building.  In the years that followed, I'd eventually have to go through 2 or 3 sets of security checkpoints in one building to get to a job interview.

 

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We were much better off 20 years ago.  But once our image of being secure was punctured, we went crazy trying to restore it - and went to war.  No politician would "man up" and say it's time to "bug out". Americans never want to look weak. Our politicians kept making excuses to justify staying in the war zone.  I am very thankful for our president being smart enough to exit this war, and keep future generations of American servicemen/women from dying in a "forever war".  

 

 

 

PS: I'd love to find out what Joe Haldeman would think of our exit from Afghanistan.

 

PPS: I think you may be interested in this song by Gilbert O'Sullivan:

"All they wanted to say."

So appropriate for 9/11, don't you think?