Things can get to a healthy normal, but....

 

Yesterday, I had dinner with a friend who knows me only as Marian, but knows that Mario exists. She is 80 years old, and has had her vaccinations against Covid.  In passing, she mentioned that she has rarely gone out to eat with anyone since the pandemic started, and is masked going everywhere.  So I was very glad that she took the chance to have a bite to eat with me.

Both of us know the risks of being unvaccinated, and are very upset at when is going on in this country.  It doesn't take that much to reach a stage of normalcy - we've had it for a while in the Northeast due to our high rate of vaccination.  But this could end very quickly if a variant were to breach the vaccines' defenses and get most people sick (with symptoms).  At 80, my friend knows she has 10 years or so left to live a healthy life.  But what about me?  My dad lived to 92, and that gives me almost 30 years I should expect to live.

I know that I will eventually have problems getting out and about.  And at that time, I will have some hard decisions to make.

- - - - - -

The other day, I interviewed with the NYS Court System for a position.  Today, I got the rejection latter that I expected.  (Can anyone say "Ageism?")  Luckily, I didn't need the job, and I hope that it goes to someone who can be in that job for more than 5 years or so.

This event frees me up to plan for a Hawaii cruise later in the year.  If people get smart, they will get vaccinated and will wear their masks - and the number of sick people will drop to levels where I will feel safe in taking the cruise.  However, if people keep being stupid, I'll play it safe and book a different cruise when the illness rates are at a level I feel safe in booking a cruise.

- - - - - -

My friend Vicki and I have felt comfortable dining out throughout the pandemic.  When the authorities loosened restrictions enough for us to dine indoors, that's what we did.  But there are people who took unrealistic chances, such as members in one meetup group whose meetings I never attended and never will.  I only wonder how many of these people will feel if they are told to isolate themselves again.  Will they do so?  Frankly, it's hard for me to give much of a damn, as I am not part of the group.  However, what I'll miss is the chance to do things with Vicki.

- - - - - -

Life involves making choices and hoping for the best.  One has to make tradeoffs.  One person I know wants a soul mate to keep her from being lonely.  The woman I dined with last night wouldn't know what to do with a man if one were interested in her - she doesn't want to become anyone's nurse at this stage of her life.  She has chosen to be a complete person without a partner.  She has made some important tradeoffs to do this.  And I think she'll eventually die (hopefully, not for a long time) with few regrets in her life.  Isn't this the type of person that can inspire us to be better versions of ourselves?  I certainly think so.

Sometimes, I feel like the world is closing down on me.

 

Lately, I have been feeling down in the dumps because of a few minor things.  But I can sum it up in a simple phrase that could be worrisome if I didn't know myself: "The Thrill Has Gone."

- - - - - -

Since my then girlfriend and I broke up in 2019, I haven't found a new spark to ignite my passions.The woman I called FH in this blog and I stopped seeing each other this spring. The woman I call MWL and I have developed a non-physical relationship.  Given my experiences with the late Ex-GF-M, I don't think I can afford to open up too much to her - even though she is accepting of Marian AND does some exercise. Part of me wants to have a romantic relationship, but is no longer thrilled by the effort it takes to have one.  But being alone is also unfulfilling.

If my "large" apartment was as neat, tidy and organized as the one in the picture, I'd probably be able to invite people now and then.  Alas, it's messy enough to keep me from getting any value out of having a cleaning lady come over.  Sooner or later, I'll have to try to get my cleaning lady back, and see if she can take over where she left off before the pandemic set in.

- - - - - -

The other day, I got an email saying that an interview had been scheduled for me with the New York Court system.  However, when I needed to print a document so that I could physically sign it, my printer ran out of ink.  Wouldn't you know it - I couldn't find any of the ink cartridges I had in my apartment.  So I'll have to go out and buy new ones.  AARGH!

I talked to the hostess of my Yonkers gaming group, and told her of the Court System interview.  She advised me to go as Mario.  And this is what I already planned to do before speaking with her.  This woman is a good resource for me, as she has her finger on the pulse of what is going on in the real world.

If I were to get the job, it'll feel a little strange going to work in trousers again.  But I found that being Marian helps keep me sane; this presentation just doesn't need to be an everyday occurrence.  Too bad that some people didn't understand this....

 

 

 

Things may be looking up - albeit several years late.

 

Although I haven't been happy on my job, I haven't been looking hard to find a new one.  Today, something popped up from out of the blue - an interview with the NYS Office of Court Administration.

Please be advised, you have been scheduled for a Clerical Assistant
interview with the 9th Judicial District. Details are as follows:

*_Date_*

mm/dd/yy

*_Time of Interview_*

hh:mm

*_Location_*

Westchester County Courthouse

111 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. – 9th Floor

White Plains, NY 10601

When you get to the 9th floor please advise the front desk that you are
there for the interview.

This floored me.  I had once thought I was totally forgotten by NYS-OCA, as I had taken the Civil Service Exam for this position several years ago.  However, I guess that they extended the time for this list due to the pandemic.  Who knows?  However, I received some paperwork a few weeks ago asking me if I were still interested in working for the court system - and I said yes.  The last few times I received letters like this, I was never called for an interview.  But this time, I was called.

Although I am living my life as Marian these days, I would take this job (if offered) as Mario, then socially transition (professionally) while on the job.  If asked to start this job this year, I would not be able to take any of the cruises I want to take.  However, I would likely be able to go to work and present as my authentic self, and not as Mario.  And if I enjoyed this job, I'd probably stay on the job until I am 70.

What would you do if you were in my shoes (2" heels)?  Would you retire with the resources I have?  (My 401k plus future Social Security will give me a nice income in a couple of years.)  Or, would you work to the age of 70, not being able to take the time to travel as desired.  (I like the idea of working as Marian, and wish I could have done it years ago.)  One way or another, it'll be a hard decision for me....

 

 

PS: I just checked one of the civil service tests I took.  It's 4 years, almost to the day.