Getting together with my brother to work on the family homestead

 

This is NOT my family homestead.  It is a house that a friend once lived in, and one that was rented out for a while before being sold.  And this will eventually be the fate of my family homestead when the time comes to sell it.  Right now, we're preparing it for our next tenant (whoever that may be).

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My brother expected me to be leaving RQS's house around 11.  I was already in his neighborhood by that time.  This would be important later on, as we'd be working all day on the house.

But first....

I met my brother around 11:15, and we were off to get breakfast.  After downing bagel sandwiches, we were off to Home Depot to get paint and other supplies we would need.  $400 later, we were out of the store and on our way back to the homestead to work in the basement.

Today's work would be messy.  My brother would be power washing the basement/foundation walls, and I'd be vacuuming up the mess with a wet/dry shop vac. For the next 6 hours, we worked non-stop on our tasks.  He'd spray the wall, chipping away at areas which would need patching and resealing, and I'd suck up all the liquid, getting up to empty the shop vac every few minutes.  Both of us were tired by the time 7 pm hit.  I had ruined my trousers beyond repair, but had a change of clothes available for the trip home.  So, I changed into clean clothes, and we went to the diner to chat and eat after a long day together.

My brother had been very thankful that I was there today, as he would never have been able to  have done this work by himself.  I was glad to be there, as it was the rare time I could make a contribution to work needed on the property.  And then, we started to chat about his life, his wife's problems, and his grown-up children.  This was an important chance for him to vent and to see that I'll be there for him as brothers should be.  (He doesn't know I'm TG yet.)

Soon, the day came to and an end, and I drove home after a long day out.....

I apologize for ranting too much

 

Lately, it seems to me, that I've been complaining about things going on in the world too much.  Yes, Our rights as transgender people are under attack, and our president is "owned" by Russia, and is doing Russia's bidding.  Yet, I am grateful to live in a state where I can come and go as my authentic self, without worry that I will be hassled by any law enforcement authority.

Yet, I've noticed something.  For reasons other than fear, I haven't been getting outside of my place enough and living an authentic life.  Could it be the weather?  (As I write this, it is raining outside.)  Could it be commitments I have that requires me to present as Mario?   (I had to go out as Mario in order to buy a new Mattress and Bed Frame last night.) Could it be anything else? (I did spend part of the day sorting out some of the containers behind my loveseat.) There have been so many things that I needed to do, that I have felt a little overwhelmed and have retreated into my comfort space.

One has to keep one's focus on what's important, so that can take care of the most important things first.  I may not have been doing that.  Yesterday, I worked around the house, possibly to avoid spending the money I knew I'd have to spend on new bedding.  It could be much worse.  My brother is putting in 50-60 hours each week in a job for which should only need 40. He also has to deal with fire department financials, managing the project of bringing the family homestead into a shape where we can raise the rent on the place, and to prepare financials for the house, so that I can get my taxes done.  And, to top it all off, he is flying out west to see my nephew for the weekend.

As you can see, there are other people who are under more stress than I am.  But I expect that we all will start to suffer if the orange snowflake does half the damage to America that he could be doing.  If you find yourself starting to be overwhelmed by fear and worry about the future, just remember these words that are applicable in almost every situation:

 

"This too, shall pass." 

 

The trick will be to keep one's perspective while it passes....

Miscellaneous Thoughts

 

Right now, many things have been going thru my head.  Here's a list of some of the things that are giving me a little angst:

1. Trump's Cabinet Choices. 
   
   All of our future president's cabinet choices so far seem to have escaped from a clown car.  People such as RFK Jr. should be nowhere near any positions of power in any agency related to public health.  While watching the news, I was reminded about RFK's visit to Samoa, and the misinformation he likes to spread regarding vaccines.
   
   
2. Trump's Political Revenge.
   
   DJT has vowed to take revenge on people who opposed him.  Can we afford for the Justice Department to be weaponized?  I doubt it.
   
   
3. A possible upcoming trade war.
   
   We get cheap goods from the world over.  We can no longer produce low-cost goods, as they depend on low-cost labor.  Who can afford to live in the US if paid Mexican wages?  Making threats against Canada and Mexico will be counter productive, as the economies of the 3 nations are tightly integrated.  Do we want to dismantle NAFTA (or, whatever it is called now)?  I don't.  Most US goods are produced with other goods sourced from around the world.  We can not untangle this profitable web of trade connections without becoming North Korea.
   
   
4. The Christian Nationalist war against the LGBT community.
   
   When blowhards are trying to deny Sarah McBride her right to relieve herself in one of the Capitol's lavatories, it shows how deep seated hatreds based on religious bias can cause us harm. We're seeing states like Texas, Louisiana, and Florida making moves to teach the bible in their public school classrooms.  Do we want to become like Iran, where only one religion and one standard of behaviors is acceptable?  I don't think so.
   
   
5. Health Care.
   
   Recently, my partner, RQS had a medical issue that caused her to go to the emergency room, and then be admitted to the hospital.  However, once admitted, the hospital's bureaucracy got in the way of her being released due to non-medical reasons, causing he to miss having a fancy holiday dinner at a local restaurant.  Something has to be done to monitor both the progress of medical care, as well as the administrative process that could result in a person being kept in the hospital longer than medically needed.
   
   No one likes feeling like a product on an assembly line, and that is how RQS felt during her stay in the hospital.  Somehow, patients' emotional well being has become the least important item in a hospital's priority list.  No wonder why people fear going to the doctor.  Once a person has no control over any part of what is being done to him/her, they avoid losing any control at any cost.  The emotional trade off isn't worth having good health.
   
   
6. Family.
   
   My brother and sister in law do not have the best of marriages.  One day, when my brother was out, I called the house and we got into a conversation.  Without going into details here, she still loves my brother, but feels like she is being neglected by him.  On his side, he resents how her illness has affected his life - as if it was a moral failure.  It is a recipe for disaster, as neither of them are able to communicate well with each other, and long standing resentments get in the way of breaking down the walls between them.
   
   
7. Friends.
   
   The divisive political climate we have in the USA reminds many of a dysfunctional marital relationship, where two spouses constantly bicker all the time.  Sadly, my country at a macro level reflects what many people are experiencing at a micro level.  For example, the friend who was the best man at my wedding has changed in a very different way than I have.  He has effectively consumed the Kool-Aid, while I have learned to detect it and avoid it.  His attitude towards transgender people would be acceptable in the backwoods of Texas or in the deep reaches of Louisiana's Bayou country, but not around here.  I believe in live and let live, not imposing yourself on others.  I can only imagine his reaction if he knew I was Trans.
   
   Other friends are more accepting.  The host and hostess of game night have a Trans child, and have no problems with me.  Yes, their child has to live in both worlds and make their way through life.  Yet, the parents are preparing their child for their life ahead.  It's amazing that when people are continually exposed to different people how accepting of differences they become.
   
   
8. Planned and Unplanned Expenses.
   
   I bought my car knowing that I'd be spending a prince's ransom to keep it in running order. This is not a bad thing.  If one has a well designed car, one can keep it on the road for a long time with proper maintenance.  I was willing to trade money for a safer car than I was driving for the past 10 years.
   
   However, cell phones are designed to be disposable commodities.  I hate spending money on a new phone when the old one works perfectly well, but should need only minor maintenance.  In my case, my current cell phone has a dying battery that needs immediate replacement.  (It shouldn't even be used until the battery is replaced.)  Sadly, my phone wasn't designed in a way that I could replace the battery (as I could with my first cell phone).  Instead, I have to buy a new phone, or order a replacement battery and have a specialist install it for me.  Something is very wrong here.
   
   Now that I am retired, I am much more sensitive to money that leaves my wallet.  Yes, I'm in the age bracket where one should expect to drain one's lifetime savings.  And yet, the weight of all these expenses will always bother me a bit.
   

And now, on to happier things...

 

As much as I'd like to show my readers a picture of RQS smiling in this blog, I will not do so because of what once happened with someone who once was a close friend.  However, RQS would not have cruised with me in Marian Mode, had she not been comfortable with me in both gender presentations.

- - - - - -

Soon, we will be booking another cruise.  And again, we will be traveling as two women.  Assuming we take the cruise I'm planning to book, we will not even bother getting off the cruise ship.  My rights will not be protected in Florida, nor will they be protected in the Bahamas.  So, the safest place for me to be will be onboard. This is OK with the two of us.

We have booked a nice Thanksgiving dinner at a nice place.  It's not the place where we originally wanted to go.  But it is affordable, and it is a place we've wanted to try for a while.  I've already bought RQS one of her Xmas gifts, and will soon buy her another to be opened on the holiday.  However, it'll be the cruise that she'll remember most of all - my gift to her.

- - - - - -

RQS has become a member of my family for all practical purposes.  I feel very lucky that this has happened.  But who knew that 5 years after breaking up with XGFJ that I'd be with someone who accepts my transgender nature?  Yes, that period in my life hurt.  Yet, it forced me to become more independent, making myself ready to make the sacrifices needed to have a caring partner in life....

I still play hopscotch across gender lines

Unlike an acquaintance mentioned in a prior post, I have no intention of backsliding on my path to femininity.  Even though the AI generated picture above is only an aspirational goal, it is a good idea of what I'd look like after Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS).  And I want to look like this (as appropriate for my age) at some time in the future.

The big question will always be: How far can I go along my path and have RQS as my companion?  I'd rather stop at a point before she starts feeling uncomfortable than to go too far and lose her.  For me, having companionship at this stage of life is more important than being fully female.  The equipment between my legs is less important than how I present myself to the world.  Additionally, the ability to present myself to the world 24x7 as a female is not as important as having a partner at this stage of life.

So, where does this leave me right now?

Well, I am comfortable crossing gender lines as needed to get things done during the day.  For example, I have to do some tile shopping for repairs being done on my bathroom wall.  This is something best done while I'm in male mode.  Yet, I feel more comfortable in female mode overall.  

Yet, this can get a bit awkward when I need to be in Male mode part of the day, then Female mode for the rest of the day.  For example, I have electricians coming to my apartment several days next week. (I can't move all of the furniture out of the way to get all the needed work done on one visit.)  I'll need to be in male mode these days, then change into female mode after they have gone for the day.

For the most part, everyone in my apartment complex knows that I live a bi-gendered life.  But, I have to be careful which mode I use when I deal with the outside world.  If a mechanic sees me as a woman, they will either treat me as someone who doesn't know much about mechanical things - or worse....  Yet, presenting as a male can be just as awkward in female dominated spaces, such as makeup counters. 

Will this crossing of gender lines ever end?

I don't have a good answer to the above question.  If I didn't have to worry about RQS's feelings, I'd probably move much faster towards living 24x7 as a female.  Yet, I'd still want a relationship with my family, and that would likely mean that I would either have to out myself to the rest of the family or find ways to hide it....

This will be my last weekend with RQS before my cruise.

 

 
Both RQS and I have been packing for trips.  As reported here, I have two bags going with me to Hawaii. RQS has two small bags going with her as she travels South to see her cousin.  I'm not going to say much about her trip here, save that her preparation is getting in the way of our time together.  😞

- - - - - -

It is normal for two people to spend time apart from each other.  After this weekend, we will be apart for the better part of 3 weeks - and I will miss her.  But there will likely be another period coming up where the 2 of us will be apart for just as long - assuming that I take a Panama Canal cruise as an excuse to see my 90 y/o uncle in California.

My uncle and I are not close.  Yet, he is my uncle, and he once gave me a gift more valuable than money - security in a stressful time.   Almost 27 years ago now, my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I was busy with several projects at work, and one of them was visible to the CEO of the bank I then worked for.  Bush #41 had just signed a bill that protected people who needed family leave to take care of sick relatives, but didn't provide financial help for those people doing so.  Without knowing that my uncle's checkbook was open to my needs, I might not have been able to play political hardball and threaten to leave in the middle of a politically sensitive project.  As a result of my uncle's actions, I was able to force my management to give me the resources I needed to get the project done and be able to take care of my wife's needs as well.

In a way, I want my uncle to know that I'll be there for him if needed.  He is going through a stressful time, and he has no family nearby to count on.  (Yes, he has friends that are as close as family, but that's another story.)  So I want to check in on him in 2023, as my brother did in 2022.  Hopefully, he will appreciate the visit....

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am very grateful that I have almost made it through the pandemic in "good health."  Although there are things I've lost due to the pandemic, I am happy that my brother and his family got through the worst in good health. I am happy that my real friends made it through the pandemic safely.  And, most importantly, I am grateful not to have infected by the virus.

Unlike many people, I didn't have financial worries during the worst of things.  I appreciate this luxury that I had that many didn't have.  The only important worries I had were for the sake of others.  And most of those worries didn't turn into problems.  The friends and family that caught the virus recovered from it and are mostly OK.  (I can't say for sure if any have/do not have any long term symptoms.)  

Other than this, I don't have too much to say.  I'd rather focus on having a good dinner with people I care about....

Game night came a little early this month.

 

The above picture has nothing to do with the subject of this entry.  I just thought it nice enough to be posted, and a reminder of travels I once made before the pandemic changed everything.

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Normally, game night is two weeks on, then two weeks off.  This month, the host made a minor mistake in scheduling, and we ended up getting together one week early.  That is more than OK with me, as I was there in time to play a game from the beginning AND play it until it came to a natural end.

The host and hostess of game night are good people, and I have signed some papers which should benefit their children if something bad were to happen to my family before I die.  Hopefully, this situation will never come to pass.  But it if does, I know of two people who will remember me even more fondly than they do now.  And this couple accepts me as Marian, not caring that my legal identity is still Mario....

- - - - - -

I've been going to game night for the better part of a decade now, and am considered one of the core group of people they will invite into their house to play games.  It's nice to be considered someone people wants to have around. 

Chatting with my family.

I wish my real life family could have been like the Addams' Family.  They all were able to show love, manage their own lives, deal with adversity, and be their authentic selves.  Instead, we did not demonstrate love, were poor at managing our own lives, had a hard time dealing with adversity, and could not be our authentic selves.

- - - - - -

Today, I  spent the first half of the day doing nothing, then drove to Long Island to see my father.  This visit was much more rewarding than usual, as some family "secrets" were revealed that needed to be revealed.

I didn't get moving towards Long Island until 2:00 or so.  And my first stop was at Stew Leonard's to get lunch.  Normally, I'd pick up a fresh Lobster Roll and something to drink. But I thought the $3.99 Shrimp Roll special was good from Sunday through Wednesday, when it was only good on Tuesday this week. So I picked up a Pastrami wedge and finished it before continuing on my way. 

Normally, I'd have continued along Route 87 until I reached the Cross County Parkway, then headed South to either the Throggs Neck or Whitestone Bridge.  Instead, I made a major time-wasting decision - I decided to take the Triboro Bridge to Long Island, then the Grand Centrap Parkway to the Long Island Expressway to reach my dad's nursing home.  This more than doubled my time on the road, as I was stuck in traffic almost all the way to Roslyn.

When I got to my dad, we went downstairs to the lobby to chat for an hour. My dad gave me the heads up on what was happening in my brother's life.  Of course, I told him what was happening with me and GFJ.  Although there is no way that I'll tell my dad that I'm TG, I did say that some of the issues we're having have been there since the beginning of the relationship, and that others are communication related.  That was both true and protective of GFJ's privacy. Since my brother told me to call him when I was leaving my dad, I did so, and we agreed to meet at his office.  Originally, he thought we had enough time to get to Flushing for an Oriental dinner, but he had a 7:30 appointment he had to make.  So it was a quick dinner down the block from his office.

The first thing my brother did when we sat down to eat was to show me a video of a burning house.  Last night, around 1 am, his fire company rushed to a nearby house on fire and extinguished the fire before it burnt down the house.  He explained that the fire was in the basement, and if it was able to find a form of "chimney" for its burning gases to escape, the house would have had no chance of surviving.  Luckily, the firefighters were able to get in the house and drown the fire with (as he put it) less than a minute of margin.  Any later, and the fire would have escaped the basement and totalled the house.  Next, the two of us started talking about events in our lives.  My brother has family problems related to issues from two codependent addicts.  It is not pretty.  But it has allowed him to get to know his only daughter even better AND to enjoy the time he has left with her before she gets married and starts living in Europe.  All too early, dinner had to end, and I was back home in roughly 60 minutes.

Ending the week on an off note

I only had a visit to Arts Westchester on the docket for today,  Last week, I said that I'd be making a return visit - and my contact at AW forgot that I was coming.  So she wasn't prepared for me when I arrived.  Yet, there was work that I could do that involved miscellaneous office chores . And I did that work for a couple of hours, until there was no more work to do. On the way home, I got a call from WDJ telling me about the first meeting of her new meetup group.  It didn't go as expected, but what first gatherings go as planned?  I wish her a lot of success with the group, and then remembered to sign up for it when I got home.

As you can guess, there wasn't much to occupy my day.  Since I was very tired when I got home, I stripped off my clothes and took a nap.  GFJ would likely not be coming down tonight, as she wasn't feeling that good.  Hopefully, she'll feel good enough to go for her hike tomorrow (with dinner afterwards).  If not, I'd better start looking for a meetup to go to on Sunday.  Or, I should prepare to drive to Long Island (in male presentation) to see my family. No matter what happens tonight, I still have no idea about what I'll be doing come Sunday....