A long drive to see someone who has a short time left to him.

 

What else can I start the day with but a mention of a long drive?  My cousin has terminal cancer, and I wanted to see him in the hospice while he's still alert and able to appreciate the visit.  (I wish I could have done this for my uncle in California, but he died before I had the chance to do so.  This is why I'm spending a day on the road, which I'd rather spend packing for my upcoming trip.)

- - - - - -

This would be a day I had to spend as Mario.  So I took my ID and money out of my female wallet and transferred it to my male wallet.  When one lives in two genders, one has to always be aware of the gender in which one is presenting and who one is meeting during the day.  It can be a major scheduling effort some days, but one well worth the effort when one is forced to live this way, female to close friends, family and many acquaintances, while male to others.  Otherwise, one can easily be outed when one is not ready to do so.

Around noon, I set out for New Jersey.  Although I hit some traffic, I was able to reach my cousin's nursing home/hospice around 2:00 pm.  (The minute one sees the land the church owns here, one can make a justification to eliminate the income tax exemption given to religious entities.  But I digress....) I drove into the complex, and about 1/4 mile into it was the nursing home/hospice which my cousin was admitted into yesterday.  They had no official receptionist by the door, so I had to rap a few times before I was let in.  And then the nurse showed me the way to where my cousin was sitting.

When I first saw my cousin, he looked like he was at death's door, and it got slammed on him a few times.  His arms were black and blue (likely from the times they had to put a needle in his veins, or from the blood thinners he likely takes - I should ask my niece about this one day) and he could barely talk.  We made conversation for a few minutes before my other cousin arrived.  I talked a little bit more, but saw that my cousin was very tired - and it was time for us to depart.

On my way home, I called Vicki to find out that I had double booked events for tomorrow.  To make room to bring Vicki to the hospital and back for a day surgery, I had to postpone lunch with my friend from the census.  From having a lunch and dinner get together with separate friends, I was now taking care of Vicki - something I was more in the mood for anyway.

When I arrived home, it was time to fold laundry.  I have underwear and socks to last me for the cruise.  Now, all I have to do is fill up my suitcases....

It'll be nice to get back into a dress tomorrow.

This day didn't turn out as planned

 

Given the way things went today, I'd have rather "invested" my money in a Bialystock and Bloom production.  It would have been just as much of a waste of time as I had while trying to see my cousin in the hospital before he is moved to hospice tomorrow.

- - - - - -

The weather was perfect for a day out as Marian.  However, I planned to spend the day as Mario because I didn't want to visit my extended family as Mario - they have enough to deal with, given that my cousin doesn't have long to live.  So, around 3 pm, I started on my drive to Poughkeepsie.

When I reached the hospital, I stopped at the receptionist's desk and asked what room my cousin was in.  The receptionist couldn't locate him.  (Some people are just plain worthless for even the simplest of tasks, but I would find that out on my ride home.)  After 5-10 minutes of trying to locate him, she had no luck.  So I left, and started my drive home.  About a half hour later my niece once removed called me with the room number.  AARGH!  Since I was much closer to home than the hospital, I realized that it wasn't worth going back to Poughkeepsie in rush hour.

Tomorrow, I'll be driving to pick up luggage from RQS while my cousin is being taken to hospice in Central New Jersey.  As soon as I have the information, I will try to make it there - probably on Wednesday, if I do so at all.  If not, I doubt I'll be able to go until after my cruise - if he's still above ground.  Since my niece has my contact information, I'll be sure to have his current status when I get back.

- - - - - -

Now, where can I get my tickets to the revival of "Springtime for Hitler?"

I brought TCL and RQS together for the first time - a short post

 

No, that is not RQS next to me.  Instead, this strong, silent critter  just made me want to show some affection for someone who is a little different.

But to be serious....

I've been trying to get TCL and RQS in the same place for a while.  But circumstances never permitted it.  Recently, I was able to schedule a shopping trip to New Jersey to take care of some errands for RQS, and then meet up with TCL afterwards to chat.  However, I had to make sure that I was presenting as a male 😞 for this meeting to happen.

First, RQS and I went to the pet store to buy some "pill pockets" for use this coming week when we planned to take one cat to the vet for its periodic fur removal. After that, it was off to Home Depot to get some blinds for her apartment. And then it was off to Dunkin Donuts to meet with TCL for coffee. Who knew that we'd be chatting for over 2 hours, until the shop had to close.  Now, RQS has seen TCL and understands how she can ramble on and on at times.  (I do it too, and have to watch out for when I do so.)

Later on, I received a text from TCL - she loves RQS and sees how and why we get along.  I'm sure that the two of us will be seeing her again soon.

Seeing TCL for Dinner

 

If I had had my choice today, I would have gussied myself up before seeing TCL for dinner.  But today was the second drab day of the weekend, and I felt that TCL would be happier if I met her as Mario.

- - - - - -

Like yesterday, I didn't do much until I had to get moving.  But I did get to TCL's place on time for a change.  And this was for the best, as the restaurant we went to was empty when we got there, but packed when we left.  

TCL lives in a nice little town in New Jersey, her house being less than 1,000 feet away from the local railroad station.  If the railroad wasn't there, we could have walked to the restaurant.  Instead, we had to drive 1/2 mile to reach the place.  (This is not a problem for us.)   On the way there, she mentioned the purchase of an undergarment to be worn in case she might get "lucky".  (This is something you'd say to a good friend, and she made sure I knew that it was for a "someone else" if he came along.)  I already knew that she had no intentions towards me, and I let her know that, so she could feel more comfortable after saying that.

A minute later, I parked the car at the restaurant. As expected, the place was empty, and we were seated at a nice table, where we proceeded to have a nice Italian meal with some red wine. (The place is BYOB, so TCL has taken care of the wine when we go to this restaurant.)  By the time we left, the place was packed with at least a dozen people waiting by the door. And then, it was the short drive home. 

We chatted in the car for about 45 minutes, and then she had to go in and I had to go home.  I was amazed that she didn't make a comment on my newly pierced ears.  But then, she was focused on something else - how to tell someone something without making that person feel awkward.  I gave her some ideas on how to approach discussing the topic with her friend, and hope she refines them into something she finds she can use for herself.

So mundane...

 

One of the more mundane things I have to do each year is to get my car inspected.  It's usually not a headache, but I dread it because of the unknown - what expensive thing could be wrong with my car, and how quickly can it be fixed.

Today, I took my car in for its yearly inspection, along with an oil change, tire rotation, and wiper replacement.  And I got out of there for only the expected price.  No, this is not a negative comment about a bad mechanic.  Instead, it is a positive statement on how a reputable shop services its clients. After spending $2,000-$3,000 in the past year to keep my car in good operating condition, I expected that my car would pass inspection - and it did.

A friend in New Jersey felt that New York's system is much more convenient than the system used there.  That may be true.  But New Jersey's system has a bias towards honesty in its inspections.  The inspection stations have nothing to gain by failing a car.  The mechanics get paid no more or less if a car passes or fails inspection.  Contrast this with New York, where some inspection stations employ unscrupulous people out to make money from cars failing inspection.

What do you think about your state's method of getting unsafe cars off the road?  I'd love to find out....

 

PS: Shortly after I went out for the evening, the TPMS Warning (Tire Pressure Monitoring System) showed up on my car's display.  It looks like I'll be going back to the mechanic sometime next week if this doesn't reset by itself.

The first part of the day was a dud....

 

Yes, a rainy morning puts a damper on doing things outside.  Given yesterday's activities, I only had enough energy to do laundry on a dreary day.  So that's what I did.

- - - - - -

After I had the chance to wake up, one of my newer acquaintances gave me a call, and suggested that we meet for an early dinner. And that we did, out in Jersey.  Too bad that I couldn't stop by TCL's place afterwards. But that's another story.

I hope that I will be able to see my new friend again.  We have similar ideas about what is needed in a good relationship.  However, there are drawbacks which could get in the way of things.  So we'll see what happens in the long term.

- - - - - -

Later on, I received a text from FCM.  She wanted to get together again. So I'll have to figure out some time that I can squeeze her into my schedule.

It was the end of the week, and things are catching up with me.

  

 
Several  weeks ago, Vicki suggested I buy the above top to go with the wide leg trousers I wore to dinner with her.  Today, due to Lane Bryant not having the top in its warehouse, I decided to drive to New Jersey to buy it.  This top and the top below were the results of this shopping trip, a trip that cost me more in gas and tolls than what I may have saved if I could have bought either top online.

With my face, I am far from a 10.  The weight also makes me look fat - because I am.  Yet, I seem to blend in well enough to be accepted by people in the female role.  Of course, the voice training I got at Mercy College helped a lot in making my female presentation workable for everyday use.  (Now, if only I could get rid of my male body fat distribution and develop a set of hips in its place....)

But why do I say that things were catching up with me?  People I didn't expect to get in contact were getting in contact with me, and I didn't have the time to do all the things I needed or wanted to do.  For example, my friend from game night wanted to confirm going on our hike and wanted to bring another friend from game night along.  I wasn't going to miss seeing this other friend as well, so I made sure to say YES to that.  Then, one of the two women I befriended from Mercy contacted me and wanted to schedule getting together.  With two events already on my calendar that took up days I'd normally use to get together, I decided to use a Thursday, now that my Texas friends are meeting in person and not via Zoom.  And I had to consider my get together with FH, along with my weekly chores of buying food for the week, with laundry afterwards.  How do I fit everything in to my schedule, now that things are opening up again?  I haven't had to think this way since the last time I was gainfully employed.

If I were dating someone who were coming to my apartment on a regular basis, I wouldn't have done what I did after work today - go shopping for the above two tops.  I would have been with the woman, as I would have put her needs first.  Since I had nothing better to do, I decided to take a drive to look at the above two tops. It's been ages since I was in Clifton, NJ - almost 40 years ago, when on a gig for a "consulting" firm (read: Rent a Programmer) that has been gobbled up by even larger firms since then.  The firm I was contracted to also has been gobbled up.  So I didn't expect many professional memories to be stirred up while on the drive - and they weren't.  Yet, I didn't expect to see how much the area had changed since I was there last.  All the landmarks I might have remembered were gone, and either large strip malls or apartment complexes were left in their wake.  The Lane Bryant store I went to was in one of those malls.

By the time I left the store, all the rush hour traffic I saw along the way had dissipated. So I decided to take a leisurely ride back home.  Could I have bothered to do laundry?  Yes.  But I was too tired from getting up at 6 am.  Instead, I decided to rest, and fell out with the TV on....

And soon, I must make a hard decision....

My current dating situation reminds me of some advice given by Julius Henry (Groucho) Marx. He advised a young man that: (1) He should find a woman who knows how to cook, (2) He should find a woman who will care for you when you are sick, (3) He should find a woman who will laugh at his jokes, and (4) He should find a woman who is good in bed.  But lastly, Groucho advised: He should never let these women meet.  Given the juggling I've been doing over the last few weeks, I feel like the man to whom Groucho gave his sage advice.

Let's call the 3 ladies I've been dating, FH, MB, and FL.  If one of these ladies ends up being a long term "girlfriend", I'll assign a new name for ease of reference.  FH lives on Long Island, and doesn't drive.  MB lives in the Hudson Valley, has seen me as Marian, but I've only met her twice.  FL lives in New Jersey, knows about my feminine side, has seen me twice, and is already interested in spending a weekend together.  All 3 of these ladies might be good choices for me, but each one has some unknowns that could derail a relationship. Things have come to a decision point with one of them, and I have to figure out whether I want to move forward with this relationship, or take a pass and bet on one of the other 2 working out.

One advantage that my most recent round of dating has had for me, is that it has helped me finally heal from the wreckage of my last relationship.  During the worst of the pandemic, my ex blocked me from accessing one of the few groups meeting virtually that would transition to in person meetups later in the year.  Of course, she couldn't deal with my existence as Marian, and grew to hate this side of me over the last year we were together.  So she did her damnedest to blackball me from one group, but she wasn't able to blackball me from the other.  In the end, we wound up in the same place had we negotiated a settlement between us, but with much more anger along the way.  

Of the women I've dated recently, FH is someone I like.  But I'm not sure if we share enough chemistry to move forward. We like each other, but I think the habits formed during the first days of "pandemic dating" may yet get the better of us.  MB already accepts me as Marian, and has yet to see me as Mario.  What will she think?  What would it be like if we were to get intimate?  Would she mind if I were the one to wear the silky nightgowns?  And then, that leaves us with FL.  She likes this area where I live.  Yet, I think she might want to live closer to her family in New Jersey.  Could we find a happy middle ground?

So many questions.....

I didn't plan on buying a new pair of boots. But they were so comfortable!

The other day, I decided to go to a meetup in Connecticut.  I could have spent the day with JS, but I said I was going to a Saturday meetup.  Yet, by the time I got moving, it was too late to go to the meetup.  So I ended up going to Catherine's instead.

Driving on New Jersey's back roads can take an extra half hour to get to where you want to go.  But when roads like Route 4 and Route 17 are jammed with holiday traffic, it actually makes sense to take back roads to get to the shopping malls.  And that's what I did on the Saturday before Christmas.

As I expected, they were having a "last minute" sale, with their clothing priced the same as it was on "Black Friday". So I looked over most of what was in the store, and I didn't see much that said "Buy Me!"  However, I saw a couple of sweaters I had previously bought selling for less than I paid for them previously.  Instead of buying a third in a color I didn't have, I went to the back of the store where I fount a pair of boots in a size 12-W.  Normally, I don't look at women's 12-W shoes, as they are usually a little bit snug on me.  But this time, the 12-W boot at Catherine's fit perfectly.  And at half price, the boot was perfect for my needs. So they jumped into the trunk of my car with a couple of pairs of socks that I can wear with other informal women's shoes.

Sometimes, its nice to be able to spend a little more than expected on something one didn't plan on buying.  I will likely get more use out of these boots than the ones I bought from the Avenue....