The work looks done ...and none too soon

 

Although the photo quality isn't great, the retaining wall looks great this morning.  Why is this important? Over the years I've lived here, this wall was constructed and then failed.  My co-op needed to repair it, and I was one of the loudest advocates for this repair.  The repairs were finally completed while I was on my cruise.

Why is this important?

Given retaining wall failures which have affected the commuter rail line I live near, the last thing I want to see is a preventable landslide which could either destabilize our building, negatively affect downhill neighbors, or both problems.  

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As I've noted in the past, I live in a naturally occurring retirement community (for many of us long term residents), as apartment ownership has proven the best investment for our needs.  We know that someone else has to take care of the property, and that we can reside in the apartment as long as we are able to pay the maintenance.  (I won't get into other issues for leaving in this discussion.)  And that's where the problem lies.  Most of us, myself included, live on fixed incomes.  Older people usually have fewer resources to draw on, and are least likely to afford maintenance hikes or property assessments. 

Most co-op boards have to balance the needs of their shareholders.  Do we raise maintenance charges, knowing it might be a hardship for some?  Do we apply an assessment for needed repairs, as we did when we had to replace our windows many years ago?  Do we defer maintenance, so that we don't have too many bills being presented to the co-op at once?  There are so many things a co-op board must address, and there is no way we can make everyone happy.

I am lucky to have the resources to pay my bills (and a little bit more).  Many others are not.  The position a co-op board member has to take is similar to being a fiduciary - one must act in the best interest of the client, and not of his firm.  In my case, my responsibility is to the health of the co-op, and not any one individual member - including myself.  That's why I pushed for repairing the retaining wall as much as I did.  And now it's done... 

Connecting with friends

 

This is going to be another quick entry.

Over the past couple of nights, I have had 2 zoom meetings.  The first was with my ex-boss, a man who only knows me as Mario.  The other was with a woman who only knows me as Marian.  Normally, I would be energized by both zoom meetings, but I had no energy to really enjoy them.  This means that I couldn't wait to get off the zoom and do something else.

Once I leave my job, I will suggest to my ex-boss that we meet up for a lunch somewhere, as it will be nice to chat in person for a change.  Even though things will be very different from the last time we met in person, it will be a good thing to get back to normal - or, at least how we once thought of it.  Regarding the second person, if I weren't seeing RQS on a regular basis, I'd schedule a Chicago trip to see her for a long weekend.

Keeping in contact these days has become much harder for me than it was in the past. I never had a job that sucked as much energy out of me as this job does. Yet, this lack of energy forces me to make hard decisions regarding who I really want to see.  And maybe, that's the one benefit I'm getting from this exhausting job....

Things can get to a healthy normal, but....

 

Yesterday, I had dinner with a friend who knows me only as Marian, but knows that Mario exists. She is 80 years old, and has had her vaccinations against Covid.  In passing, she mentioned that she has rarely gone out to eat with anyone since the pandemic started, and is masked going everywhere.  So I was very glad that she took the chance to have a bite to eat with me.

Both of us know the risks of being unvaccinated, and are very upset at when is going on in this country.  It doesn't take that much to reach a stage of normalcy - we've had it for a while in the Northeast due to our high rate of vaccination.  But this could end very quickly if a variant were to breach the vaccines' defenses and get most people sick (with symptoms).  At 80, my friend knows she has 10 years or so left to live a healthy life.  But what about me?  My dad lived to 92, and that gives me almost 30 years I should expect to live.

I know that I will eventually have problems getting out and about.  And at that time, I will have some hard decisions to make.

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The other day, I interviewed with the NYS Court System for a position.  Today, I got the rejection latter that I expected.  (Can anyone say "Ageism?")  Luckily, I didn't need the job, and I hope that it goes to someone who can be in that job for more than 5 years or so.

This event frees me up to plan for a Hawaii cruise later in the year.  If people get smart, they will get vaccinated and will wear their masks - and the number of sick people will drop to levels where I will feel safe in taking the cruise.  However, if people keep being stupid, I'll play it safe and book a different cruise when the illness rates are at a level I feel safe in booking a cruise.

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My friend Vicki and I have felt comfortable dining out throughout the pandemic.  When the authorities loosened restrictions enough for us to dine indoors, that's what we did.  But there are people who took unrealistic chances, such as members in one meetup group whose meetings I never attended and never will.  I only wonder how many of these people will feel if they are told to isolate themselves again.  Will they do so?  Frankly, it's hard for me to give much of a damn, as I am not part of the group.  However, what I'll miss is the chance to do things with Vicki.

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Life involves making choices and hoping for the best.  One has to make tradeoffs.  One person I know wants a soul mate to keep her from being lonely.  The woman I dined with last night wouldn't know what to do with a man if one were interested in her - she doesn't want to become anyone's nurse at this stage of her life.  She has chosen to be a complete person without a partner.  She has made some important tradeoffs to do this.  And I think she'll eventually die (hopefully, not for a long time) with few regrets in her life.  Isn't this the type of person that can inspire us to be better versions of ourselves?  I certainly think so.

It's always something, isn't it?

 

Emily Litella (a.k.a. Gilda Radner) was one of the best characters on SNL's Weekend Update.  This character's shtick was to rant on something for a while until someone pointed out that she had misunderstood things, and then go "Never Mind."  Sometimes, I feel just as lost as Emily, but with no one there to point out when I've gone far off the deep end.

On the way home tonight, I was looking at many of the unforced errors in my life, and realized that I was mostly on my own in making my decisions.  My late wife was of little help while she was alive, as I was always bailing her out of her own problems.  My parents did the best they could, but they never understood the quality of the raw material I was as a person, nor did they know best how to raise me to be a fully functional adult.  I am very surprised at how far I've come in life, and am amazed that I did it with as little help as I got from people.  (I was extremely lucky to have the help of the right people at the right times in life.  Otherwise, I'd have been an underachiever who would have had no clue how far s/he could have gone.)

Most of us have a simple choice in life, and everything follows from there. Does one want to live in courage? Or, does one want to live in fear?  Most people choose fear, and limit themselves to a small part of the lives they could have led.  I was once one of these people.  Even though I'm at an age where I'm playing out the remaining cards life has dealt me, I'm choosing to live in courage.  

My dreams have always been modest.  Yes, there was the part of me that would have loved having money and power.  But the tradeoffs I would have needed to make without understanding the how or why were never worth it to me.  So, I had two dreams: The first one I achieved when young, becoming a successful computer technologist.  The second one I achieved in late middle age, being able to go out and about as a female without embarrassment.  And that took much more courage, as I had to overcome my fear of the larger society.

Yet, there is a part of me that is envious of someone like Fran, a TG woman who has marched to her own drumbeat for years.  She is truly unique.  She makes little effort to blend in with cisgender women. Instead, she is the type of person who would stand out in a crowd, no matter what her gender happened to be.  No, I don't think I'd be comfortable living as Fran does.  But I am envious of someone who can do so....