Cleaning out under my bed and an evening as Marian

 

By the time you read this, I will have my new bed delivered.  Now, I have to clean out the space under my mattress/bed spring, so that the adjusting mechanism for the new mattress can work unimpeded.  Starting this process opened up a lot of "might as wells" causing me to examine my feminine clothes closet for things I can give to charity. Although I know I will have my bedroom tidied up to some degree, it'll still be a semi-cluttered mess here. I figure that I'll complete the cleaning process on Monday afternoon, as I'll be spending the weekend at RQS's place. 

Around 4 pm, I started to get ready for dinner with Vicki.  We met at one of our go-to places and had a filling Japanese meal.  (The seafood soup for 2 is filling enough to be a complete dinner.)  In addition to the soup, we split a spicy tuna roll and a shrimp tempura main course.  Afterwards, I rushed down to Costco, so that I could get a second card with my Marian photo.  Although I got the card, I couldn't get it the way I wanted it - the first card associated with Mario and his image, and the second card associated with Marian and her image.  So I wonder what will happen if I go to Costco with Mario's card and Marian's image shows up.  We will find out soon....

On the way home, I tried to reach my brother.  But he wasn't answering his phone, nor could I leave him a message.  As much as I wanted to ask him about tax information, I deferred that question to ask about my grandmother's death certificate.  I'd like to finish the paperwork needed for dual citizenship and a second passport, and send it off before the end of the month.  Hopefully, I'll have the passport by the end of the year, so that I can get out of Dodge if the Orange Snowflake totally screws up this country.

A social day for Marian

 

This was a day where I knew I'd be spending the day as Marian.  So I made sure that I'd be wearing a comfortable dress when I went out for lunch (but not the dress above).  But I had one thing I wanted to do, but didn't for reasons I'll mention later.

My first appointment in my calendar was meeting with CCS, my friend from the census, for lunch. Since she exercises with a personal trainer on Wednesdays, we decided to have lunch after her session.  This meant that I'd be having a late lunch. The day's plan was to have me start moving around 11, and leave the house by 1:15 pm for lunch.  While I was getting dressed, I got a call from Vicki suggesting that we meet for lunch today.  So what did I do?  I scheduled dinner with Vicki for tomorrow, and had lunch with CCS today. 

I arrived at the Ossining pizzeria around 1:30, and found CCS already sitting in a booth.  Both of us ordered hearty meals with dessert, and I was stuffed by the end of our meal.  We caught each other up on the things happening in our lives, including RQS's visit to the ER, and CCS's family reunion during Passover in Atlantic City.  By 3:30, we were finishing lunch, and scheduled next month's get together before parting our ways.

Next, I was too tired to take care of one errand I had planned for the day - going to Costco and getting a membership card with Marian's image on it.  (I have one with Mario's face on it.)  So I went home, and went into a digesting sleep for a couple of hours.  

After I regained full consciousness, I prepared for a Zoom meeting with RQS and our Texas friends.  It was a good meeting, and everyone had something to say. At 9:45, I ended the meeting, and finally had a chance to rid my face of the makeup I was wearing for almost 10 hours....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was still feeling ill enough to cancel lunch plans with Vicki (a short post)

 

I almost thought I'd be well enough to have lunch with Vicki today.  But a laughing fit while watching TV with RQS proved me wrong.  So, I reluctantly put off lunch - and wisely so.

But first....

For the past few days, I've been kept awake by my unpredictable coughs waking me up as I was about to fall asleep.  It's amazing that I've been able to stay awake during the daytime lately.  Yet, I digress.  RQS got up an hour later than I did, and we started watching YouTube videos.  One of which was a video by Gabriel Iglesias ("Fluffy") talking about a "Racist Gift Basket."  And I ended up laughing so hard that my cough was triggered continuously, and I almost choked.  At this point, I decided to text Vicki to tell her that I couldn't make it to dinner.

Around 2 pm, Idropped RQS off at the train station, then picked up a slice of pizza as I was hungry.  After leaving a message for Vicki on her phone, she was finally able to get back to me to confirm receipt of my messages.  Then, I ended up going home for the rest of the day.  

At least, I'll be seeing my GP tomorrow.

And now: Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel

 

When I was young, I loved watching this show.  Yes, it was campy.  But it was fun to watch.  It's a shame that this show was done with a campy style, as the tone of the Batman comics was much darker in spirit.  But what does this have to do with my life?

Well, many of us have to live two separate lives.  One out of circumstance, and the other out of choice.  The first life is what others expect of you.  The other is what you expect from yourself.  Most of the time, our outer and inner lives are in rough synchronization with each other.  Other times, they are not.  In the case of the fictional crime fighter, his Batman persona was a way of coping with the damage done to him in his past.  In my case, it is my true spirit coming out of a cocoon.

Last night (as I write this), I had a conversation with Vicki.  She noted that my personality as Mario and Marian is the same person, just expressed in two very different ways.  RQS sees this, regardless of what clothing I am wearing.  But what is this difference?  Vicki feels that Marian's personality expression reflects the lack of both the familial emotional damage done to Mario as a child and the social emotional damage that would have been done to Marian had she been born with a female body.  There is a certain emotional strength in Marian that Mario could never have, as she never suffered the blows that most children have received while growing up.

Why is this important?

I realize that I never want to give up my life as Marian for anything.  Yet, it is threatened by the undercurrents of today's politics.  A conservative gay man who made a case for same-sex marriage long before it was the law of the land once noted that he was surprised to see this happen in his lifetime.  Same-sex marriage only challenges one of one of our traditional beliefs: Heterosexual relationships are a cornerstone of our society's values.  Society begrudgingly acknowledged gay and lesbian rights and moved on to other struggles.  But that left transgender people with fewer allies.  

The existence of transgenders challenges something more basic in society, the idea that people could be born with the mind of one gender, but be housed in the body of the other.  I'm reminded of a joke from the "Addams Family Values" movie where Morticia delivers her newborn child.  Gomez pops out into the waiting room where everyone is asking: "What is it?"  And Gomex proudly announces: "It's an Addams!"  It's not the answer most of us were expecting to hear, but it is an equally correct one that challenges our standard mode of thinking.  To most of us, one's sex/gender is the most basic form of identification one can have - and it is fixed at birth.  To Gomez, it is simply that he had a healthy child.

Right now, my rights are protected in most of the "Blue States".  But they are being attacked in congress, as Sarah McBride may be denied her right to go to the women's loo in peace.  Sarah understands the nature of the game.  But most people do not.  They see the world in binary terms such as reproductive gender and not the fluidity found throughout nature.

As for me, I will continue exercising my rights to go out as Marian, as this is the personality that best fits who I am.  She may evolve, like most of us do over time.  Yet, she will feel more like a whole person while doing so. This is the most important thing to me - to be true to myself.

Lunch and Dinner with friends, interrupted by a walk around a mall.

 

Today was marked by two meals out.  Lunch was with MSJ (My friend from the imaging firm I once worked for) and Dinner was with Vicki #1.  I'm lucky I had extra money to spend, as I have another lunch scheduled for tomorrow.

- - - - - -

MSJ and I scheduled today's lunch, so that I could review and comment on her resume. For the most part, it is a good representation of her career, and had few areas needed changing.  The first was was to change her phrasing into

Action → Result

from

Result → Action

This was the easiest thing to do.  But then, we had to figure what could safely be pruned from her resume without significant loss of demonstrated skill sets.  And this forced us to leave in a job or two which she'd like to skip over, and forward fill some dates from self employment to allow her to omit an unwanted job.  Additionally, we changed a reference of a subsidiary to that of a corporate parent, to make her employment appear as she worked for fewer organizations.  

Hopefully, the edits I expect that she'll be making will help her get a new job.  We've scheduled another lunch to review her edits.

- - - - - -

Vicki called just as I was going to spend a little time at Woodbury Commons (outlet mall) to do some browsing.  Although the trip to the mall was a waste of time and car mileage, I was able to chat with Vicki for a while and schedule dinner for the evening.

While at the outlet mall, I found nothing interesting to buy.  Everything was either overpriced status brands, or clothing which would not fit me.  As I was walking back to my car, the front part of my right shoe separated from its base.  Since these were cheap shoes, I decided to trash them when I got home instead of fixing the sole with glue. To kill a little more time, I decided to write up meeting minutes for last night's co-op board meeting, and rest a little before going to the diner to meet Vicki.

- - - - - -

We met at the local diner, and both of us had the chicken.  She had grilled chicken breasts, while I had the roast.  Both were good.  And we grumbled about the short term mentality of the American public, and how America's greatest snake oil salesman will  likely hurt people like us.  It'll take a while for our anger to burn itself out.  But then, can you blame us given the radical changes he promises.  To make things worse, he will likely never be punished for the crimes he committed, as his party refuses to discipline him.

We left the diner around 8:45 pm.  From there, I took a little drive (adding more needless mileage to my car), and saw how Route 9A was being diverted in both directions onto other roads.  Needless to say, I took different side roads to get back home for the night. 

PS: One thing Vicki noted: When I'm with her, I defer to an alpha as a cisgender female tends to do.  When RQS is around, she defers to me in a similar way - regardless of my gender presentation. 

A long drive to see someone who has a short time left to him.

 

What else can I start the day with but a mention of a long drive?  My cousin has terminal cancer, and I wanted to see him in the hospice while he's still alert and able to appreciate the visit.  (I wish I could have done this for my uncle in California, but he died before I had the chance to do so.  This is why I'm spending a day on the road, which I'd rather spend packing for my upcoming trip.)

- - - - - -

This would be a day I had to spend as Mario.  So I took my ID and money out of my female wallet and transferred it to my male wallet.  When one lives in two genders, one has to always be aware of the gender in which one is presenting and who one is meeting during the day.  It can be a major scheduling effort some days, but one well worth the effort when one is forced to live this way, female to close friends, family and many acquaintances, while male to others.  Otherwise, one can easily be outed when one is not ready to do so.

Around noon, I set out for New Jersey.  Although I hit some traffic, I was able to reach my cousin's nursing home/hospice around 2:00 pm.  (The minute one sees the land the church owns here, one can make a justification to eliminate the income tax exemption given to religious entities.  But I digress....) I drove into the complex, and about 1/4 mile into it was the nursing home/hospice which my cousin was admitted into yesterday.  They had no official receptionist by the door, so I had to rap a few times before I was let in.  And then the nurse showed me the way to where my cousin was sitting.

When I first saw my cousin, he looked like he was at death's door, and it got slammed on him a few times.  His arms were black and blue (likely from the times they had to put a needle in his veins, or from the blood thinners he likely takes - I should ask my niece about this one day) and he could barely talk.  We made conversation for a few minutes before my other cousin arrived.  I talked a little bit more, but saw that my cousin was very tired - and it was time for us to depart.

On my way home, I called Vicki to find out that I had double booked events for tomorrow.  To make room to bring Vicki to the hospital and back for a day surgery, I had to postpone lunch with my friend from the census.  From having a lunch and dinner get together with separate friends, I was now taking care of Vicki - something I was more in the mood for anyway.

When I arrived home, it was time to fold laundry.  I have underwear and socks to last me for the cruise.  Now, all I have to do is fill up my suitcases....

It'll be nice to get back into a dress tomorrow.

Bye Bye to RQS and Hello to "Tall Vicki". (A short post.)

 

This past weekend RQS came up to Croton, and we had a relaxed time together.  But like all good things, the weekend had to end, and RQS had to return home.  As much as I am always a little sad when she leaves, it also is the opening for me to have some "Me Time" which I can use to recharge my emotional batteries and be ready for us getting together later in the week.

Around 3:00 pm, I drove to Croton-Harmon and kissed RQS goodbye for a few days.  Hopefully, she got home before the rain started.  This gave me some time to take care of some things, such as filling up the gas tank in my car and mending an article of clothing.  I figured that I could kill a couple of hours before getting dressed again and going out to have dinner with Vicki #1.

The skies opened up around 5:00 pm, with loud thunder passing through the area.  As soon as it came, it was gone. And I proceeded to the Sushi joint in town to meet Vicki. Vicki suggested a change of pace in our meal, where both of us would share a house special seafood soup for 2, a noodle dish with shrimp, and a mild maki roll.  I'd order the first 2 dishes, but go with a simpler roll with more flavor the next time we eat there. It was a short dinner.  And all too soon, we went home.  

It wasn't much of a day, but a relaxing one.

A Clothes Horse on a Long Trip

I used to complain to my late wife about her being a clothes horse. Now, I find myself as much of a clothes horse as she was.  Unlike my late wife, I have the assets to refresh my wardrobe much more often than she did, and can afford to do so.

- - - - - -

Yesterday, Vicki and I drove upstate to Flax's annual barn sale. This means that I would need to be awake 4 hours earlier than normal for a weekend day and ready by 9:00 am, so that we'd be at the barn sale by 1:00 pm.  Both Vicki and I were on time for this long drive.

Given that I do not have a typical female body, I knew that I had to wear a garment to the sale which would allow me to try on clothing, but not strip down far enough to advertise this face.  So, I chose to wear a unitard under an airy duster.  But this made it awkward for me to take bio breaks.  To deal with this, I decided to carry a change of clothes I could wear after leaving the sale.

Neither of us had breakfast before the drive, so we stopped at a deli on the outskirts of Cold Spring for a bite to eat.  This is not something unusual for me when out for a long drive.  And we needed this stop, as we were feeling hungry again several hours later when we were nearing Flax's sale.  At least, there was an open rest area along the way where we could both take a bio break and pick up some nuts to sate our hunger until we were done with Flax.

Arriving at Flax, we saw a small factory with a large parking area.  On part of the parking lot was a tent 300' x 100' where pallets of clothing were available to be picked through in boxes 3' x 3' x 3' organized only by size.  If one wanted anything, one would have to sort through the contents of each box in one's size and hope that there was something interesting in the box.  At the entrance, we were greeted by several friendly people, and as usual, Vicki chatted them up a little before going into the tent where Flax's garments were for sale.  Once inside the tent, it was calm, but organized chaos - women were dressed in clothing which allowed them to try on other clothes without having to strip.  I was not out of place.

Flax's staff was both friendly and helpful.  One of the ladies I met mentioned that her mother worked there, and that she didn't know how good a value these sales were.  Another lady offered to help me find some dresses in these boxes, and found 4 which I ended up buying.  Vicki also got help and found several garments she could wear in her new size. (She has lost 1/3 of her weight on her diet, and I am still not used to seeing her this thin.)  By the time we paid for our merchandise and left the tent, it was close to 2:00 pm, and both of us were ready for something to eat.

Now, this is where a tickle of frustration came to me....

Vicki knows that I have traveled upstate often enough in my life to have a mental roadmap of how to get home from the NYS Thruway.  Yet, she punches in her home as a destination before driving home.  This is not a bad thing when we are driving from the middle of nowhere.  But it is a bad thing when she is driving me home.  I said that I know a nice Japanese restaurant in the Albany area that we could try.  Arriving at the restaurant around 5:00 pm, we settle down and have our first real meal for the day.  Both of us chose "bento box" dinners - and they were yummy!  I'd certainly go back to this place if I were in the Albany area again.

Leaving the restaurant, Vicki again chose to use the GPS for directions home instead of listening to me.  I drove the same route home often when I hung out with a Polyanorous group in the Albany area.  So I should know the best way home.  Instead, she chose to follow the machine's directions and take the long way home - but not on the thruway.  (Remember, she punched the code for directions to her home, not mine.)  An example of the GPS giving bad directions was in the Albany area, where it told her to take one exit, then make a U-Turn to get back on the same road.  It didn't know how to tell her how to deal with several successive forks in the road.  Yet, we still made decent time, switching away from heading downstate on the Taconic Parkway to using US 9 to reach my house.  Even though we hit some traffic in the Poughkeepsie area, we made good time. Yet, I could tell that she was getting tired because of her decision to trust the GPS (and spend more time in her drive) than directions I could have give.

It was a 4 hour drive up to the sale, and a 5+ hour return from the sale (exclusive of dinner).  Would I do it again?  Maybe.  But I know to insist that Vicki ignore the GPS when I have a better idea of how to get to a destination than it has....

 

You should see the mess on my desk - a short post

 

My computer desk is a dumping ground for everything that I haven't found the time or made the effort to put in a good and proper place.  So, when I look for things, they are often buried under lots of other stuff.

Tonight, I started looking for a favorite necklace.  Of course, I haven't been able to find it.  Since Vicki and I are going up to the Flax Barn Sale in the morning, I wanted to be wearing one nice piece of costume jewelry to help me feel a little more feminine.

Vicki will be arriving when I usually have become semi-conscious, shouting at Alexa to shut up!  Instead, I will need to get up 3 hours earlier than usual, get dressed in a unitard and duster (I want to be able to try on clothes in a place with no changing rooms) and be ready for a long day where much of the time will be on the road. I figure that we'll be taking Vicki's car to the Flax Barn sale, and will likely need to stop along the way.  Unfortunately, many of the NYS Thruway's rest areas care closed for renovations.  This means we may need to take an alternate route, so that we have adequate opportunity to take bio-breaks.

Once we're done with the barn sale, Vicki wants to try out a restaurant she knows up there.  I'm game for that.  But it will be a long day, and I will be exhausted when I get home.  At least, I won't have to drive to get to my brother's place for my uncle's memorial service the next day....

HVRW Restaurant Week - Le Provincal w. Vicki

 

Hudson Valley Restaurant week (HVRW).  It comes twice each year, and I try to have at least one fancy dinner with Vicki each time it comes by.

- - - - - -

As you would expect, I usually present myself as Marian when dining with Vicki.  During HVRW, I always try to dress up a little when going to nice restaurants, and I made sure that I was wearing a nice dress with stockings (actually, tights) when she picked me up.  (I rarely present as a male when with Vicki.) Tonight's dinner was at Le Provincal, a French bistro in Mamaroneck. This is one of our go-to places for French food, but one we rarely eat at because of its normal price.  HVRW makes this place affordable to us, as we would likely spend close to $200 for a meal for two.

Vicki drives differently than I do, and this is not a criticism or compliment.  Like me, she tries to drive safely, but I noticed the differences in driving style, as I was a passenger for this trip.  Arriving in Mamaroneck, Vicki moved close to the center of the street so she could slide into a parking spot both quickly and easily.  However, some woman (Vicki used another word) decided to slide in between her and the cars to her right, stealing the spot from Vicki.  I looked at the driver, and I noticed that she was likely an immigrant from a place where cutting into lines was accepted, and that there would be no gain from arguing with a person who is that inconsiderate.  Vicki wanted to block this woman from getting to the parking spot, and I wanted to get another packing spot which would likely open up near the restaurant.  Eventually, Vicki relented, and we got a spot much closer to the restaurant than the first spot was.

Dinner was excellent (as usual), but the wait staff we expected to see was off for the night.  The dinner more than made up for the loss of the parking spot.  Sadly, dinner was over too soon, and we took the long way home to chat.  (It helped that Vicki missed my exit, and took side roads back to my place.)  All in all, this was a pleasant evening.  But next time, I'll do the driving.

 

The new car is finally mine!

 

Today, I felt like the day had more than 24 hours.  Not only did the night before allowed me just 4-5 hours of sleep.  But I felt like I needed to go back to bed for most of the day.

- - - - - -

The day started by me waking up early, and trying to go back to sleep without luck.  Given that I had a doctor's appointment at 10 am, I knew that it was going to be a long day for me.  So, I got showered and dressed as Mario, and off to town to see the doctor.  When I arrived, I found the place unusually empty, as if the doctor had come to the office for only a handful of patients.  

Lately, the doctor has had quite a few student interns from various medical programs assist him in his office.  Today, he had a new person, a young woman training to become a nurse practitioner.  And she introduced a different routine for the day, asking me a lot of questions that she could answer from looking at the doctor's records.  (She has to learn how to ask questions, as well as what questions to ask.  So I am not complaining.)  Then, the doctor came in, and asked his questions - and looked to put me on a new drug.  AARGH!  At least, I have renewed the supply of my old drugs, so the new prescription will have to wait.

Once done with the doctor, I returned home and prepared to remove the license plates from the old car, so that they could be placed on the new car.  Only one problem - I couldn't unscrew the fasteners holding the plates to the car, and I was in luck - my co-op's superintendent had just pulled into a vacant spot, and he was able to remove the plates with a little bit of effort.

- - - - - -

My next stop for the day was the car dealership.  Vicki came by around 1:30 pm, and off we went to complete the deal on the new car.  When I arrived, the salesman made sure to take a lot of pictures of me in front of my new car, and then started the process of showing me around the dealership before depositing me with the sales manager who sold me a couple of add-ons.  $1750 later, I was out the door, and the salesman showed me around the car, so that I could get the car home safely.  By then, Vicki was leaving, so I had the salesman to himself.  (Vicki noted that the fellow who sold her the car she was driving didn't take the time to make sure she knew the features on her car.  It's no wonder that he's now working at a used car dealership....)

When done with the salesman, I drove home to rest for a while.  And then, I got into a conversation with one of my neighbors.  It could lasted quite a bit longer, save for the fact that I looked at my watch and saw that I had to open the co-op's zoom meeting in 20 minutes.  So I rushed inside, and took care of co-op business for the next 2 hours.

- - - - - -

After the meeting ended, I was feeling exhausted.  But I figured that I'd make a run to BJ's as an excuse to see how well the car's automatic lights worked.  (There are a few things I have to be aware of with this setting, but I'll get used to it in time.)  What really gets to me is that I have to learn a whole new way to deal with the car's infotainment system and with its driver safety systems.  And this will also take some time.  (I just have to remember to turn the collision avoidance system off before going into a car wash, as the brakes will mistakenly hold the car in place to protect the car and what's in front of it....)

I think it's going to take a while to learn the ins and outs about the car, and I'd better be careful while doing so.

I couldn't sleep, and I had a long day ahead of me

 

The above caricature seems fitting for today, as I had to go in for my colonoscopy today and then be awake enough to deal with a co-op board meeting.  Of course, I didn't get much sleep last night, so staying awake until I'm back home would be the most important thing on my mind.

- - - - - -

Around 6:00, I drank the last of the ghastly fluid, and I spent the next 2 hours treating myself like royalty - if you get what I mean.  And then I had the last liquid of the morning, as I wasn't allowed to have any fluids within 2 hours of my procedure.  Shortly afterward, I got myself ready to go to the hospital, and Vicki was waiting for me as scheduled.  She noted that it was a little bit of a surprise to see me as Mario today.  But then, she knows me in both modes, and part of her didn't realize that I'd have to present as Mario today.

Normally, I'd budget about 30 minutes to reach the hospital.  That's about how long it took, in spite of a few slow moving trucks that got in the way.  But we were there early, and that worked to our advantage, as I still had more paperwork to take care of when we got to the hospital.  And then it was upstairs to the floor where my procedure was to be performed.

Of course, my doctor was running late with other patients, and our expected procedure time was being delayed 30 minutes. Getting into my hospital gown, I realized that I'd be handing Vicki two of my most valuable things: my cellphone and wallet.  So I made sure to hand her these things before I packed my clothes into a small bag that would follow me into the procedure room and then to the recovery room.  At this point, I was "in for a penny, and in for a pound."  Any ambivalence I might have had became meaningless, as I was committed for the next 2-3 hours.

By the time the doctor was able to get around to me, he was an hour behind schedule.  Vicki noted that the doc looked like a famous singer - and I agreed with her.  Soon, I was whisked away to the procedure room, and was unconscious a few minutes later.  When I regained consciousness, I wasn't groggy, but I knew I was off.  Having Vicki with me gave me the confidence that nothing would be missed when the doc came to tell me what he found - nothing to worry about, but tissues were being sent to the lab just to be safe. Soon, I was dressed and ready to go.  Vicki and I went to the local diner where we both ate more than we should have.  The food was good, and well worth the extra calories.  And then I was dropped off at my apartment, where I'd spend the rest of the day.

- - - - - -

Once home, I took a nap, and woke up just in time to start the co-op zoom meeting.  It was a struggle to stay awake, as I was still recovering from both a lack of sleep and being anesthetized,  But I made it through the meeting, and was ready to go back to sleep once I finished my dinner....

????????

I didn't know what to write about when I started this entry.  Do I write about what went on in my life this weekend?  Do I write some commentary about what is going on in the world? Or, do I choose a topic at random and pontificate on it?  After a full day of thought, I had few ideas, so here goes....

1. I recently received a call from an old friend.  Although we both had said that if we reached the age of 60 without a partner, that we'd consider having a relationship.  As readers of this blog know, I am very happy with RQS as a partner, as we are alike in so many ways.  And I consider myself lucky that we didn't get together, as she is a train wreck of a person.

This friend knows I am transgender, and talked about a conspiracy to take children who question their sexual identity and treat them as either trans or gay/lesbian.  Although there may be some people who have this as an agenda, most trans people (and most schools) would never consider doing this.  At most, we'd want to have the child see a qualified psychotherapist for evaluation before anything else is done.

Our conversation morphed into talking about "Welfare Cheats", as if there was a moral problem with most of the people collecting social benefits.  She then started to think with her feelings and not her mind when she said that we should put unskilled people to work babysitting working folks' kids.  I countered with a single question: Would she want someone who us unvetted, unskilled, and otherwise unsuited to babysit children to be responsible for her child's welfare in any way?  The last thing I'd want to see is a person prone to violence in charge of my child.  Yes, people who have this philosophy will often backtrack and make exceptions for the flaws in their plans.  But in the end, they do not have well thought out positions.

2. RQS and I were looking for a place to have a fancy dinner on Christmas day.  It's amazing how few fine dining places are open on Christmas vs. Thanksgiving.  So I joked with my friend Vicki that RQS and I will become honorary Jews for Xmas and eat Chinese!  Vicki chuckled.....   She knew why Jews tend to go to Chinese places on Xmas - "Safe Treyf!"  (i.e. Non kosher food that is tasty, that doesn't look like the forbidden food it is.)

3. This morning, I received a call from UPS to ask me about a claim I filed regarding an item they claimed was delivered, but did not show up at my door until the following day.  As I was getting home (and prepared to make a return phone call to UPS), I met the UPS delivery guy in the hallway.  We chatted for a minute, and I explained what happened.  He confirmed my suspicion that UPS often uses USPS for last mile service (claiming the item has been delivered to my door when it wasn't) and that holiday season extra hires often do not know the routes and deliver goods to the wrong addresses. I was willing to confirm what happened on paper, and he said that I did the right thing.

4. I'm still trying to think of what to get RQS for a surprise Xmas gift.  She already knows the "big" item she is getting.  But I want to surprise her with something else.  (Any ideas?)

5. Now that my ears are pierced, I'm finding that I want to buy coordinated sets of earrings and necklaces w. pendant.  However, I'm finding that I end up doubling much of the expense, as I need to buy a longer chain for the pendant, so that it hits at the right place on my neck.

6. Every time I think of my upcoming cruise, I find that I missed something I should be packing. Today, I figured that I should pack a swimsuit, as I'll be in the Bahamas, and might want to take a dip in the hot tub. Will I end up doing this?  I'm not sure, as I don't want to wear my new falsies into the hot tub.  But I don't want to bring my older, ill fitting pool-safe falsies to stuff in my swimsuit's cups.

I could go on and on with my thoughts.  But I figure that my readers might be interested in the random thoughts going through my head these days.

 

 

I'll have returned from my cruise when you read this.

Although I wish I could go on a Hawaii cruise again this year, it is not to be.  The prices are right, and I could have booked airfare at a reasonable price.  (Un)fortunately, RQS and had  booked a Bermuda cruise for this time of year, and I had booked another cruise for two weeks after that.

As I write this, I am about to take a Bermuda cruise with RQS, and have started preparing for our trip.  Unlike previous cruises, we are going to the cruise terminal from my place, and we both think it will be an easier trip than taking an Uber from the middle of Queens.  This will be our first time in Bermuda, and I am looking forward to the experience.  Sadly, I will be traveling as Mario, and not my authentic self.

- - - - - -

Last night, I exchanged a set of messages with someone I've known for years, but am no longer close to.  We caught up with what was going on with our families, and chatted about what our plans were for Thanksgiving.  (I'll be eating my holiday meal on the ship, while she will be with family.)  What was of interest was that FCP was also in contact with her lately.  Rather than say too much, I noted what FCP had to say to me a few weeks ago, and that I didn't encourage or discourage future communication.

Later in the evening, I discussed this with RQS, and noted that I had a similar conversation with Vicki the night before.  Vicki has stronger feelings than I do about what happened several years ago, and feels that I have grown in ways I never could have grown had these people stayed an active part of my life. And in this regard I agree with her.

- - - - - -

When I cruise alone, I usually get a chance to reset what is going on in my mind and relax.  When I cruise with someone else, this process is broken.  I still relax, but my thoughts are not reset.  Yet, I am comfortable with this.  Having someone to share an experience with is important. And I'm glad that RQS will be with me on the cruise this time....

Dinner with Vicki - Alone

 

Tonight was the second night of the Hudson Valley Restaurant week dinner promotion, where a group of restaurants would serve fixed price dinners to show off what these restaurants can do (and get future customers as a result).  This time, the HVRW choice did not disappoint us, and I made a joke about it to one of the bus boys.  

But first....

It took the better part of an afternoon, but they finally figured out why my TPMS idiot light kept turning on.  To put it short, after resetting the car's diagnostic history, everything worked well, and the light hasn't come on since.  However, this got in the way of me getting my nails done for dinner tonight with Vicki, as I had to stay in male presentation for the better part of the day.  

Around 5 pm, I changed into a blue striped dress on which that Vicki later would pay me a compliment. Once ready for dinner, I drove over to Vicki's, and a few minutes later, we were at the Char steakhouse in Mahopac, NY.  (I knew the area well from my many trips to see FCP.  But I digress.)  It took us a while to find a parking spot, but we got lucky - the lot was overflowing when we arrived, and I snagged a spot as someone was coming out.  Since it was only a short walk to the front door, I could have left my wool coat in the car, but I decided to bring it inside with me.

I will start off by mentioning the one bad thing I could think about in regard to this restaurant. Instead of entering directly into the restaurant area where a host(ess) would greet us, then have someone show us to our table, we had to walk through the bar area, and then across part of the dining area to meet our hostess. (I don't think this is a normal setup for the restaurant, as I think they wanted to gain an extra few tables for use during HVRW.)  Once we checked in with the hostess, we were promptly seated and served both bread and water.  (Our menus also came at that time.)  A minute or two later, we placed our drink order, and took a few minutes to decide on what to have for dinner.  Vicki noticed a nice thing - within 60 seconds of my water glass being emptied, it was refilled without me having to ask for anything. Our waiter was very pleasant, and he treated me like the lady I was presenting myself as tonight. Service was efficient, friendly, polite, and professional.  Unlike our last HVRW, everything was top notch.  So, on our way out, Vicki took the time to pay a compliment to the waiter, letting him know that we appreciated his good service.

What can I say about the food?  The salads we had were delicious, as well as the strip steaks we ate (at a $6 up charge).  Although the cheesecake served was smaller than the average slice, its quality was up there with the steaks we just finished.  Would I go back there again?  Yes.  .But it will be when I have the money to spend on a good steak dinner.

On the way home, Vicki and talked of many things.  XGFJ came to mind, then FCP.  No, I won't go into the details of that part of the conversation here.  Let's just say that Vicki said that I've grown a lot in the past 4 years, and that RQS and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time for each other. In regard to RQS, Vicki mentioned that she has the best of both worlds in me, as she has Mario as a boyfriend, and Marian as a great gal pal. 

I went to the hospital today and came out with an appointment

 

I had some GI Tract issues a fewweeks ago, and I had to visit the hospital for a triage appointment to determine how soon I could schedule a procedure.  Today was that appointment.

My alarms were set to wake me up at 8 am, so that I could get myself ready to go to the hospital for a 10:30 am appointment.  (I was supposed to be there at least 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork.)  When I started filling out paperwork, I noticed something I haven't seen before - not only were they showing respect to the LGBTIQ community by asking both legal and preferred names, but doing the same for biological and identified gender related questions.  Although I went to my appointment as Mario, I could have gone as Marian without any problems.  This was a very pleasant surprise.  If I didn't have another appointment later in the day which required Mario's presence, I might have wished that I knew about this policy in advance, so that I could have presented myself as I want to be seen.

15-20 minutes after I arrived, I met with the nurse practitioner who would be examining me.  I talked about my symptoms, and she told me what likely happened.  Instead of repeating a procedure done in my doctor's office, she took my description of what was done as truth, and then told me that I was about 5 years overdue for the procedure,  So it was off to the front desk to schedule my procedure, then go on my merry way.

As I left the hospital, I made 2 calls: to Vicki, so that I have transportation to/from the hospital on the day of the procedure, and to RQS, so she knew what was going on.  I guess that I'm going to be living a busy life for a while....

We had high expectations of a restaurant, and they failed us.

 

Hudson Valley Restaurant Week came, and we decided to have an elegant dinner at Restaurant Six.  Years ago, Vicki was married here (in the restaurant's prior incarnation), and it would be our first time back in its new incarnation.  Sadly, we were less than underwhelmed by the experience, and I found that I had to write a complaint letter before I could get to sleep.

But first....

As usual, RQS and I relaxed throughout the day until the bug took us, and we started to clean up my closet, making room for homeless accessories I own.  Several pairs of shoes found their way to a donation bag, and I gained a better organized closet.  And then we started to get ready for dinner.  

Around 5:15 pm, we left my apartment and drove to Vicki's house.  She was surprised that I was there on time (I am usually a few minutes late), and we were off to the restaurant.  I had allocated much more time than needed to reach the restaurant, as I planned to avoid taking the Taconic parkway (the most direct way) to the restaurant for safety purposes.  (I don't like driving on the stretch of road in Putnam county, as people drive at high speed on a road that has no shoulders, and has steep inclines on a curving roadbed.)  However, I decided to drive this road, as the sun was still out, and we arrived at the restaurant about an hour early.  So, we killed time by driving around for 30 minutes, and went back to the restaurant hoping to be seated early - which we were.

Instead of  repeating what I said in my complaint letter, I have to say that I wished we went somewhere else to eat, and Vicki could see that by how my conversation style differed from my usual style.  Eventually, we left the place, and I drove home on the side roads I planned to take on the way up to the restaurant.  We dropped Vicki off, and then returned home.  And that's when I decided to write my complaint letter.

Hopefully, they will fix things after reading this email.....

To the management of Restaurant Six:

This weekend, my group had the experience of dining at your establishment.  We had high expectations of your restaurant based on its reputation. Arriving early, we were seated quickly without having to wait. Although we were impressed with the ambiance and the quality of the food, we were very disappointed for the following reasons:

1. Service was very slow.
2. No napkins were on the table.  None of your staff noticed this even after bread and water were delivered to the table, and we had to ask for napkins .
3. The time lapse between the serving of the appetizers and the delivery of our main courses was over 40 minutes.  After we finished our appetizers, no one cleaned up the dirty dishes on our table until one of our party asked about what happened to our main courses - and only then were the dirty dishes taken away.  Shortly after the table was cleaned, the main courses magically appeared.
4. There was a noticeable lull in service compared to what was being received by other tables in the room.  
5. At one point during the meal, we had an interaction with one of the wait staff, and he commented: "This is my first and last day working at this place."
6. When my dessert was delivered to the table, it was not delivered with the spoon needed to consume it.  I had to ask for this.
7. No one asked whether we would want coffee or tea at the end of the meal.
8. The service was inconsistent at best.  At the beginning, the wait staff engaged readily in conversation, describing the dishes with enthusiasm.  Then, they disappeared and dropped the ball. After we asked about our main course, and it was delivered, no one bothered to apologize for the delay.

As much as I would love to come back because of the ambiance and the food, I am soured on the idea of returning due to the spotty service your staff provided.  My dining partners share the same opinion, and were very disappointed because there are many fine dining establishments in the Hudson Valley, and we expected to add this place to our list.

Another Mystery Box Opportunity (and it may be the last....)

 

Do I believe that this will be the last Mystery Box sale by Universal Standard?  Maybe.  But I'm not as happy with what I've seen at Universal lately, and I'm not sure if I'm going to drop some coin on this sale. Both RQS and I have been disappointed by what we've seen in their sample sales, and I ended up buying something I could use - but not in a color scheme that I wanted.

I am not completely immune from temptation.  Vicki gave me information on one of her favorite clothing outlets having a tent sale this weekend.  Only one problem - I would have had to drive 3.5 hours to get there this weekend.  If RQS and I were going to Howe Caverns, I'd have made this a side trip.  But, without the caverns on our weekend calendar, it doesn't make sense to drive 200 miles to save a few dollars on a brand I have never worn before.

If Universal puts out more mystery boxes that capture my interest in this "final" sale, I may end up adding more dresses to my wardrobe.  But it is more likely I will not do so.

I had two reasons to get up, and I was glad I did

 

Strangely enough, I didn't need my alarm to wake up today.  Instead, I fell out quickly after a short bio-break, and still got moving early enough to do things during the day.  On my list was doing 2 loads of laundry, and then going out to dinner with Vicki.

Although this was going to be a Marian Mode evening, I presented as Mario when I went downstairs to do the laundry.  Two loads, and just in time.  RQS comes up tomorrow for a long weekend, and I want to make sure that she has clean sheets to put on the bed when she's here.  (It's a lot nicer for her with clean sheets, and I wait for her to arrive to put fresh ones on the bed.)  If I'm lucky, I'll find the time to fold everything before she gets here, but....

Around 6:00, I arrive at Vicki's place and we then go to Lefteris for dinner.  Vicki has lost the weight she wanted, and now should qualify for the procedure she wanted to have done several months ago.  Both of us consider Lefteris our go-to restaurant for Greek food, and both of us felt sated at the end of the meal.

As you can see, as long as I have something that motivates me to get up, I will do so.  Today was a good day for me, and I'll be looking forward to a long weekend with RQS.

Dinner with Vicki

 

Tomorrow, the handyman will come to repair the tile wall in the bathroom.  I dread this necessary headache, as it will soon be followed by electrical work that requires virtually all my furniture be moved for outlet replacement.  ARRGH!

With this looming ahead of me, I was glad to meet Vicki for dinner before she goes on her vacation.  Vicki is trying to get her health in order, so that she can have a needed medical procedure.  (And no, I won't go into any more details here.)  So, I know that getting together with me is a special occasion for her.  Over dinner, we talked about many things, and she made a comment that echoes with other people I know - they see me as the same person, no matter which gender I am presenting as at the moment.

I think that a key to understanding a transgender person is seeing that his/her soul is the same person, no matter how the person chooses to appear to the world.  Yes, there will be women who get upset at the M2F transgender person for invading "women's space". And I can understand that.  Many M2F transgender people want to carry their former male privilege into their female lives, and this can not be done and be accepted by females as equals.  Yet, I feel that the cisgender world should "get over it."  To me, being transgender is a form of intersex condition, where the brain is wired to be of one gender, but the body is programmed in utero to be the other.

The transwoman I mentioned in an earlier post has reverted to life as a cisgender, heterosexual man. And he seems to have found a new potential woman in his life.  I wish the best for them, as life for a person my age can be a struggle without the issues of being trans to complicate things.  At least, he'll be able to live a less complex life - for now.  As for me, I'll deal with my complexities as long as possible, as I have no intentions of eradicating what I've gained by being Marian from my life.