Being Widowed

 

Today, I saw 2 friends I haven't seen in a dog's age.  The first was my friend Maria, and the second was my friend Vicki (#2).  My 2 friends and I share a common bond - we have all been widowed, and we have all had to deal with a great loss.  

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It has been 26½ years since I lost my wife, 3 years for Maria, and less than a week for Vicki.  We are all on the road of processing our respective losses.  And I still remember enough of the pain I felt to provide some comfort to my friends.

At lunch today, Maria and I talked about our losses and how ignorant people could magnify the pain we still feel in regard to our losses.  I mentioned that it is not uncommon for songs to trigger crying fits, for people to say things without malice that can trigger anger, and (at times) for ourselves to lose our reasons for being.   Widowhood is not easy, but the grief we feel is needed to tell us how important a person was to us.  Confronting it and processing it is the way for us to heal - even if the loss scars us forever.

All too soon, Maria had to leave, and I was off to see Vicki before taking care of errands of my own. When I arrived at Vicki's place, I was warmly greeted and we sat down to chat for an hour.  Her mind wasn't fully there, as there was similar sense of numbness to what I felt when I lost my wife.  The constant care-taking had ended, and the continual processing of new pain was over.  Now, she has to move forward with her life, process the pain she will feel because of her loss, and figure out what her next act will be.

You will note that I did not give many details about my two friends, save when they were widowed. These 2 friends share more than membership in a sisterhood of widows.  They share a common humanity - people who have been there for people until that need has ended.  And for that, I will be there for them when they need a friend.

Be careful when performing aftercare on a new ear piercing

 

Be careful when performing aftercare on a newly pierced ear.  If the stud is lose, it can easily be lost - and I did just that.

But first....

This would be my first weekend away from my home (Read: I would be at RQS's place) and would need to perform my 2x-3x daily aftercare routine in a new setting.. I didn't think too much of this, as the stud was loosely applied to its backing, so that I'd have room to clean the area around the piercing and move the stud a little bit to help with healing.

At my place, I'd usually sit at my computer desk and perform the aftercare ritual there. However, at RQS's place, I'd be standing by her sink to perform the ritual. And this is where and when the stud popped out.  All of a sudden, the stud was propelled forward by the backing and fell into the sink.  Damn!  If I had blocked the drain, I'd have never lost the stud.  Now, I'd need a new stud to keep the hole open.

The next morning, RQS and I went to a local jewelry shop, and I had new studs put in.  OUCH!  The woman was not delicate with what she was doing, and my ears would feel irritated for a few days.  The backing to the studs were on tight, and I knew aftercare would be harder to perform for the next month or so.

I can't wait until I can wear normal earrings for the first time.  Yes, I'll need to keep the studs in until then.  But I can't wait to show my friends at game night that I can now wear the earrings that they gave me one Christmas.

So...

Be careful when getting your ears pierced.  You will need to perform aftercare, and it'd be a shame to go what I went through if you aren't careful when doing it....

Welcome to Clown Town - Finally!

 

Picture this: the audience rolls into a seemly delightful birthday party filled with bright colors and balloons. The sounds of children laughing with glee are heard as Pixie rolls onto center stage. With her sweet smile beaming, she pops a balloon with a hint of murderous rage: "Awwww, may it rest in pieces". This begins the rock 'n' roll ride through outlandish personal stories of working as a party clown in NYC and Hollywood.

 - - - - - -

I had tried to see "Welcome to Clown Town" the other day, and got to the theater too late to get in.  So I suggested to RQS that we go to see this play before I had to go home at the end of the weekend.

But first....

The day before, we went into Manhattan to see a film at the Quad Cinema.  Due to the weather and weekend subway schedules, RQS and I had a hard time reaching the theater from her place due to the rain and the subway's weekend schedules.  (The subway's weekend schedule usually terminates the M Train's service at Essex street, a location not convenient for most of the connections we needed to make.)  So we took a bus to catch the L Train to Union Square (where service terminated due to maintenance work), then walked the rest of the way to the theater.  Once we reached the theater, we found that we arrived too early and needed to kill an hour before the showing.  So, it was off to get something to nibble on to ease the rumbling in our stomachs before walking back to the theater in the rain to see the film.  And then, we ended up walking over to the West Village for dinner before going home.

- - - - - -

Sunday came, and it was time to see Welcome to Clown Town.  RQS had gotten some virtually free tickets (we only paid a service fee) to see the play, and we left for the theater an hour and a half before the scheduled performance time.  We needed each and every minute of this time, as we had to reach 36st street and 8th avenue from an area of Queens served by (formerly) BMT lines.  Like yesterday, we ended up taking the L Train into Manhattan. But, instead of walking 1.8 miles to the theater in the rain, we took a convoluted path via subways to reach the Penn Station area.

Finally we got to the theater, and had the chance to see the play.  Although it was short, it was very entertaining.  I can only imagine what this woman felt when she was hired out to perform for an hour at a gang member's children's birthday party, and the family attempted to use force to prevent her from escaping their clutches. (She was lucky to be able to use her to escape.)  If I'm in the mood, I might go to see it again before it closes.  But I doubt I'll have the chance to do so.

Next, it was out in the pouring rain and off to a diner for an early dinner.  By the time we were seated, the heavens opened up, and we were lucky to get inside without getting drenched.  And then, it was into the subway system to attempt getting home.  For what should have been a 2 or 3 train ride, it took us 5 trains to get home.  Weekend subway maintenance and the rain made a 1 hour trip take almost 2 hours, as we avoided certain bottlenecks where crowds would either force us to wait a long while for a train, or cause us to stand for an hour.

- - - - - -

We reached RQS's place as the rain was easing off. All too soon, I had to leave her and go home.  It'll be a bit longer than usual until I see her again.  But, this will give me a chance to see some people I don't usually have the chance to see, and to do some of the things I don't usually have the chance to do.

Queer at the Quad

 

This was a terrible weekend to go outside in NYC, as two separate storms would drench the city with inches of rain, and cause many streets to flood.  So, what would two intrepid movie goers do? Trek into NYC, of course, and visit the Quad Cinema to see "Little Richard - I am Everything."

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Little Richard (a.k.a. Richard Penniman) was one of the Rock & Roll greats, but one who never was able to profit from his music in the way he deserved.  As a member of the LGBT community, his hedonistic music, lifestyle and gender preference was forever at odds with his religious upbringing and the times in which he lived.  No, I am not going to recite Little Richard's life story here.  Instead, I simply want to acknowledge his ability to make being Queer less frightening to the "Rock & Roll Generation" coming to age as Richard was in his prime.

How would I have felt if I were in my prime at the same time as Little Richard? Given that I was deep in my closet, I would have been appalled by his presentation but in love with his music.  I guess that many people of his era felt the same way about the man and his music, and let him be because of those mixed feelings. If people knew how hedonistic he was when "Rock and Rolling", I think he would have drawn more hatred in an era already being threatened by the freedom that Rock & Roll could bring. So, I'm glad that he was able to survive the era, and pass on a legacy for the rest of us.

RQS and I came out of the theater with a newfound appreciation for this man, his music, his life and his accomplishments. Hopefully, my readers will take the opportunity to see this film when it plays near them, as it will be a pleasant eye-opener for those unfamiliar with his music.

A day where only one thing went right

 

I had only two things on the docket for today: (1) Lunch with my friend from the Census, and (2) going to NYC to see an Off-Broadway play.  Only the first thing went off as planned.

- - - - - -

My friend reminded me of our lunch date early in the week, and I would have forgotten it if she had not reminded me.  So I was glad to see her again for lunch at the local pizzeria.  For the most part, my friend dominated the conversation. We caught up on many of the things going on in each others' lives. And we finished at the right time - just before we would have stayed too long.

After lunch, I decided to stop by the local LGBT center to say hi to a couple of the "permanent" employees there.  Unfortunately, they were busy in a meeting.  So I waved hello, and left as quickly as I got there.  And then it was off to Lane Bryant to browse the dresses they had in stock.  Again, things didn't go as planned - the one dress I was looking for was not stocked in the stores.  So I'll have to order it online, and return it if I don't like it.

At this point, it was time to go into NYC to see Welcome to Clown Town.  Though I made the commuter train on time, I lollygagged when dealing with the subway and dinner - and missed the play because I got the starting time wrong.  (Luckily, RQS and I will be going to see the play on Sunday afternoon.) So, it was back home as quickly as I came into NYC.  For the most part, I could have gone home after lunch and done something productive.  But, I took it all in stride - sometimes, fortune gets in the way of life, and all one can do is avoid the worst of things that could happen.

Drag Queen Bingo!

 

It's been a long time since I've been to a meetup with this group, so I decided to attend a gathering at a bar where Drag Queen Bingo was going on.  I guess I'm confident enough in my presentation that I wouldn't been seen as anything but a lady (albeit transgender) when in the presence of a man exaggerating feminine mannerisms and styles.

Drag is an art.  And, as such, should be protected by the US Constitution.  Unfortunately, anything that is "Gender Variant" is being attacked in GOP states.  Attacking transgenders is easy for them to consider, as many of us simply wish to be left alone to live our lives and do not yet have the critical mass of defenders to repel these attacks.

Many transgender children are at risk because of laws being passed in the GOP states.  Their religious leaders are preaching messages of hatred, giving their parishioners permission to unleash their hatred at these defenseless children.  Many parents are both taking these children to other states for gender related treatment, and are moving their families so that their children will not become victims of the cultural war.

As much as I would have liked to visit my cisgender female friends from Texas in their home town, I could not assume I could safely take the risk.  Texas has passed a law requiring that people wear "gender appropriate" clothing - and as a pre-op/non-op transgender person, I could get into serious trouble.  So, we're meeting up in Chicago instead.

But back to Drag Queen Bingo....

In a way, it takes balls for a man to go on stage and present as a female.  The art of drag has been with us for ages, and is quite entertaining because it pokes fun at gender roles.  It subverts those roles while allowing us to examine what is real, and what is not.  As such, it is fun to watch when it is done well.  

In the long term, I will try to defend those drag queens - especially when they are reading stories to children at the local library.  Children are not afraid or offended of what drag queens are.  Why should the rest of us be so?

Thank god for people who confirm lunches and dinners!

 

One of the problems with being retired is that one day can flow into the next, and one can lose track of time.  That often happens to me.  I'm grateful to have a girlfriend, someone who resets my internal calendar by her presence in my life.  But I am also grateful for my other friends who contact me the day before we get together, insuring that I remember our getting together in time to get ready for our lunches and dinners.

I now understand how my father became a large couch potato.  Without friends to visit and things to keep him busy, all he could do is spend time and become ever more lethargic.  The same signs are present in me as well, as I do not get out and about unless I have people to be with.  Maybe, this is why I gravitate towards planning future vacations.  My body knows it needs things to look forward to, and a bucket list vacation is a great way to keep one's mind active - even if just planning things to do on that vacation.

Today, SJM texted me to remind me about tomorrow's lunch.  I had totally forgotten about it, but will squeeze it in - even though I have to drive to RQS later on in the day.  I'd have hated to leave her lurking in the lurch.  At my age, it takes a lot to build new friendships, and I don't want to lose any due to being lazy and forgetful.