Do I talk about the fMRI, or do I talk about the brain function test?

 

OK, I must start by informing my readers that both things had to do with the scientific study I am participating in.  Neither was much effort, but both took valuable time out of my life for which I will be compensated.

- - - - - -

My day started with getting dressed as Mario.  There was no way I was going to go to the fMRI place in Laurelton, Queens with more clothing than I needed to wear.  Shaving closer than usual (something I wish I didn't need to do for presenting as Marian), I proceeded to get ready to cross the East River and make it to the MRI center by 2:30 pm.  Although I was in the area around 2:00 pm, I killed time, so that I could arrive at 2:30 sharp.

I had to wait a few minutes and fill in some forms before being directed to the MRI area to strip and get ready for the procedure.  When I put my clothes in the locker, I found that the locker door was off one of its hinges, and that I couldn't fully secure my property.  This didn't worry me too much, as access to this area of the property was controlled - no one would be likely to sneak in and steal my property.  

But I digress....

At 3:00 pm, I was brought to the MRI machine, and my head was placed in a position where it couldn't move.  Then, the "fun" began.  I was given headphones to deaden the noise from outside, a mask was put over my head to lock it into place, and then I was slid into the machine.  A cacophony of noise assaulted my ears even with the headset on, and then I developed an itch I couldn't scratch for 15 minutes.  

When the 15 minutes and noise ended, I slid out of the device and proceeded to get dressed to return home.  (I'm not going to like my next visit here at the end of the study.)  Traffic flowed, but slowed down a little the closer I got to rush hour.  Before I got home, I stopped in Pleasantville to get some lobster from the lobster truck, then continued home for the evening.

- - - - - -

The next thing on my docket was the webinar/base line assessment which gave the researchers an idea of what my performance levels were when the study started.  So, at 8:00 pm, I logged onto the webinar and spent the next hour filling in several questionnaires and playing "games" to determine my level of performance on each of several sets of tasks for their baseline.  (I'd love to know what each of these tasks were supposed to test.)  I'd describe each of these "games" as a version of the games "Simon" and "Bop It".  They started out easy, but got more challenging as short term memory and spatial recognition were exercised in these tasks.

I was off line by 9:00 pm, and am now awaiting further instructions.  Soon, the "fun" will begin.

 

 

PS: It took me about 30 minutes to get the studs back in my earlobes.  Overnight, one hole may have closed, and I may have forced it open without pain.  But the stud will need to stay in place for another couple of months....

Giving DCD his keys - A short post

 

I knew that if I were to go out today, it would be as Marian.  And the only thing on my docket was to meet DCD after work and give him the keys to his car.

- - - - - -

This morning, I woke up early.  So I made myself some breakfast, and went back to sleep for a while.  By the time I got up again, it was noon, and all I had the energy to do was to put folded laundry back into the drawers, and to hang some garments up in their appropriate closets.  When I finally was in the mood to get ready to meet DCD, it was 5:30 pm - and I put on one of the more comfortable dresses I have.

A problem I've been having lately is that one of my ear piercings wants to close up.  I may have to go back to the piercing studio and have the piercing redone.  But I'll wait until after I return from my Norway cruise to do this.  At least, I was able to push the pin through my earlobe without any pain, and wear some nice hoops.

I reached the diner where I was to meet DCD around 7:45 pm.  I figured that I'd get a seat and let him find me.  Well, he was a little bit late, so I made sure to hand him his keys before doing anything else.  Over dinner, we chatted about many things, but mostly his problems in dealing with confrontation.  He'll retreat from almost anything that makes him feel uncomfortable unless he has no escape.  So, tonight was not a night to prod him - I did more than that this past weekend.

DCD told me how he got the car off the car carrier, and into a parking space.  I wouldn't have known how to do this.  So, he must have part of a brain to work with.  This made me glad, as I feel that he didn't screw things up to get the car off the carrier.  What did bother me is that he didn't have enough cash to pay for his meal, and that I had to front him $10 for his share of the bill.

On the way to his mom's place, DCD started talking about his family (and his ex-family - he is divorced), and how everyone expected him to screw up.  He accused his ex-wife of sabotaging him towards the end of their marriage, and even to poison the relationship between him and his children. Later on, I discussed this with RQS, and we both agreed - DCD doesn't want to take responsibility for his mistakes in life, and that others' expectations were likely based on objective reality.

At least, there is one thing DCD and I agree on: Our former therapist would never have been able to deal with my gender issues, and that I was wise not to bring them up with him....

I was afraid I'd have to get my ear piercings redone - a short post

 

I bought the above jewelry in Hawaii, and it looks better on me than in this photo.  You'll notice that the earrings are for pierced ears.  Unfortunately, I hadn't worn any earrings in over a week and a half and I had trouble getting the hooks into the holes in my earlobes and gave up before going to dinner.

Getting my ears pierced was a big thing for me, as I had been afraid for a long while of the consequences of doing this.  Having studs in my ears would be obvious while presenting as Mario, and I didn't want anyone asking any questions.  I had thought about getting my ears pierced when I first started to go out as Marian, yet didn't do so.  A job that paid well could have been at risk, and the display of ear jewelry could have made my then bosses uncomfortable with me.  As it was, I was already on their hit list, and I was let go 10 years this coming May.

After being laid off, I was free to get my ears pierced, but still afraid to do so.  What would people think?  It took me another few years before I said "F**k It!" and stopped caring what people will think.  If I go to see my brother, my ears are unadorned.  But if I go out as Marian, I will try to hang something pretty from my earlobes.

Luckily, after I got home from dinner, I was finally able to get the earring hooks through my earlobes.  Now, I know that I have to do this more often, so that the hole stays easy to find and use.

Earrings and other jewelry

 

One of the things that women often take for granted is getting theirs pierced as a child or young adult.  It is so much easier to wear pierced earrings, and there is a greater availability of earrings for women with pierced ears.  So, I decided to finally get my ears pierced this past winter, in order to wear the above pierced earrings I had just bought on my Hawaii trip.

Now that my ears have been pierced, I have had occasional problems with the piercings.  The holes are not the easiest to find (which can be a good thing when seeing people who have no idea that I am TG), and this often frustrates me when attempting to wear dangling things such as the earrings in the picture. With a girlfriend who accepts my nature, I feel no guilt in getting ready to go out in front of her, as she wants me to look my best in either gender presentation.

Soon, I will start accumulating jewelry to fit every mood and situation.  For example, I love the idea of wearing pearls with a little black dress on a cruise's formal night.  Not all jewelry has to be expensive or formal.  Yet, the jewelry I buy has to be tasteful for a woman of my age.  Therefore, it has to be both simple and easily coordinated with what I'm wearing that day.  In the case of the above earrings and necklace (and pendant), I made sure that these items looked good with the dress I was wearing.

Unlike most women of my age, they have had decades to develop a feel for the jewelry that works best with their personality.  I'm lucky.  Since my fingers and wrists are too big to wear some of the jewelry given to my by my former cruise partner, I have been able to avoid many of the "loud" items that would draw attention to the non-feminine parts of my body.  In short, the jewelry I wear helps me blend in, not to stand out.

Given what I've said above, I am still surprised at how hard it is to see ear piercings when the piercings are not being used for jewelry.  A while back, I went to see my brother after taking my studs out, and he didn't notice a thing.  My fears of being noticed at the wrong time weren't fulfilled.  So, for any TG readers of this blog who are afraid of piercings, don't be.  Most people will ignore tiny studs in one's ears while the piercings heal, and will not notice those piercings when the studs are out.

Taking care of business (part 1)

 

I had several things I had to do today: See a friend for lunch, arrange for a handyman to come and repair the tile in my bathroom, postpone dinner with Vicki, get my earlobe piercings looked at, and confirm my car's appointment for the annual state safety/emissions inspection.  And I was amazed that I got everything done.

But first....

My alarms were set to wake me up at 7:00 am, so that I could attempt to get free tickets for the 9/11 museum in Lower Manhattan.  It was worth it for me to try to wake up early to get these tickets, but I was doing it with only 3 hours of sleep.  So I'd likely be tired most of the day until I've had a chance to nap.  Still, I didn't get to the site using the correct link, so refreshing the link at 7:00 am still resulted in failure as I was never presented with the option of getting free tickets.  AARGH!  Yet, failing to get 9/11 tickets would be a blessing, as I would be able to take a much needed nap later in the day.

Now that I was awake, I started to work on a blog entry.  Working on developing a travel blog that will develop into videos is work, as I have to be thinking of scripts I can use to make 10-15 minutes of useful content on a regularly scheduled basis.  (It'll need more meat and less filler than in this daily blog.)  So I worked on something based on my most recent trip.  Even though I'm not happy with this entry, it's good exercise for me.

About 11:00 am, I started getting ready to see my friend MAR for lunch.  I hated to get showered, as I don't like risking getting the failed section of the tiled wall wet.  (It's covered with both duct tape and a tarp now, but there is still a risk until a handyman fixes it.)  After showering and getting made up for the day, I put on a dress I bought several years ago, and went out for lunch.  We chatted for a couple of hours, talking about many things.  I'm glad that she is taking my advice, and trying to develop skills that will get her out of the job she is doing and into something better. She'll never be a rocket scientist, but she's capable of doing something that will make it possible to afford to live on her own.

Next, I had to make an appointment with a handyman.  My downstairs neighbor (who I haven't seen in weeks) had given me the name of a person who worked in his apartment for a contractor that the co-op used to fix damage from a plumbing problem originating from my apartment.  So, I called him, and we made an appointment for this Saturday (although he'd want to stop by after work today - something I couldn't do while out as Marian. Instead, I have him coming by tomorrow, while I'm out as Mario.)  Hopefully, this fix will both be done the right way and won't cost me too much money.  

Now that this was taken care of, I drove to the tattoo/piercing shop to have the piercing specialist look at my ears.  I was having trouble with one ear because there was a little gunk blocking the hole.  The other ear's problem was caused by the hole starting to close - and she took care of that.  However, she couldn't widen the hole without using studs that I'd never be able to take off and put back on easily.  So I went with replacing the studs I used to wear.

And then, it was home for a nap after a quick trip to the supermarket.  I'll have a lot to take care of tomorrow, but I'll deal with it then....

Getting rid of clutter - my apartment is a mess for now!

 

I've been taking my time in my efforts to clean out the clutter in my apartment.  The above picture illustrates an intermediate point in today's set of tasks at hand. 

But first....

There were 4 things on my docket for today:

1. Calling the appliance service person to figure out what can be done about my refrigerator and the overflow of the drip pan below the refrigerator's condenser.
2. Bringing my car to Mavis Tires to get its yearly New York State safety/emissions inspection.
3. Getting my ear piercings widened, so that I can more easily wear pierced earrings as Marian.
   
4. Donating a box of books to a local library's thrift store.

I had no plans to work on the stuff behind the loveseat (almost completely hidden by things in the center of the picture).  But I wanted a feeling of accomplishment, and I didn't get enough of it lately.

 

Around 8:00 am, I was awakened by the appliance service person.  It was good to finally chat with him.  After some back and forth, I got the feeling that he didn't want to waste my money when I could (for the most part) fix it myself - with minimal input from him.  Once I sent him the above picture, he clarified that the Screw/Bolt near the top of the picture above had to be turned to raise this corner of my refrigerator.

Finally knowing what needed to be done and how to do it, I got to work on this task.  I found my socket set (there was a lot of grime on the box), took out the correct socket and wrench, and raised the corner a little.  Let's hope that this did the job.  I'll find out over the next couple of weeks.

- - - - - -

Next came my trip to Mavis Tires.  This was the only reason that I went out in a male presentation today.  Unfortunately, the two nearby stores had problems with their new machines which print inspection stickers.  They couldn't do the job today, and they didn't know when they could do so.  (Could a trip down to the local mechanic be in the cards by mid month?)  

Since it was well before noon, I decided to skip dealing with my ear piercings, and go home for the day. On the way, I stopped at the thrift store, and unloaded a box of books from my car.  And then I was home with no plans for the day.

- - - - - - 

Around 2:00 pm, I got inspired.  I decided to tackle the task of making space behind the loveseat, and to get rid of some books I haven't read in years.  It's amazing how much I started to find as I went through the clutter.  And it was more amazing that I decided to throw out the long, 2-shelf bookcase I've had for almost 40 years.  (It came with my late wife moving in to this apartment.)  But I started on this task, and found a lot of things that I might keep, donate to charity, or toss in the dumpster.

Although I did more decluttering after I finished the bulk of this entry, I left the place a cluttered mess for the evening, and will remedy this soon.

I'm finding it hard to put the backs on my earrings - a short post.

 

Having not had my ears pierced until after I turned 65, it's hard for me to put the studs into my ears and correctly get the backs on the pin to lock the earring in place.  When I attempt to put the pin in one hole, I have trouble getting to make the pin come out the other side.  And then, it's even harder to get the little backing into place, so that the stud is locked in my earlobe. AARGH!  

Removing the studs after 7 weeks was a problem in itself.  But I did this, so that my brother wouldn't have much to talk about.  The last thing I needed would be to open up a conversation regarding my transgender nature with a brother who buys into Fox News' falsehoods.  Luckily, my sister in law never got close enough to notice the new holes in my lobes, nor did my brother pay attention to a face he's seen many times before.

Given that I irritated the lobe and caused a small amount of blood to come out (enough to discolor a Q-Tip), I figured that the piercing is healing slower than expected.  So I decided to see how my dangling earrings would look in my ears (they looked nice, but would have looked better had I was in Marian mode), and then put the studs back in.  And that was a big headache.  It took me over a half hour to get the studs through the pierced holes, and then to get the backings on.  I figure that I'll wait until month-end before I remove the studs again.

Will I wear the studs again after I give the piercings an extra month to heal?  I doubt it.  I will likely stay with jewelry that is much easier to put on and to take off - and these studs do not fit my needs.

A "Half and Half" day

 

I hate having to dress as Mario and then change into Marian (or, vice-versa).  Today was one of those days that I had to see the doctor in the morning, and then change into Marian before going to game night in Yonkers.  So, I had to partially make myself ready for the day to see my doctor. And then, I had to finish the job after I was home....

- - - - - -

My doctor has been looking for a way to get my blood pressure where he'd like it to be for several years now.  And today was a day that I knew he'd likely hector me a little about exercise and losing weight. What I didn't expect was that he ran a little bit late before seeing me, and that we'd be talking about vacations - specifically, him thinking of taking the same Hawaii cruise that I took.  The good news for the day was that the new medicine I am taking did what it was supposed to do with my blood pressure. This made him comfortable telling me to come back in a little over 2 months this time - something that I didn't expect.

Once done with the doctor, I picked up an egg sandwich at the local deli.  However, there was a minor mishap.  Just after I placed my order, a mob of teenagers came in to place their lunch orders (the high school is less than a block away) and that created confusion at the deli.  I was given the wrong order, and had to go back to the deli to get the right order.  Luckily, they didn't hand my sandwich to someone else.

I then went home and relaxed for a while before getting dressed as Marian for game night.  Luckily, I made it there early enough for me to play in the single game the group played this evening.  Although I didn't win, I wasn't in last place.  And that was a miracle for me.  When things broke up, I mentioned to the hostess that I finally have pierced ears, and will soon be able to wear the earrings that they gave me a few years ago.

- - - - - -

On the way home, I chatted with RQS and we discussed our plans for the next few weeks.  Yes, we will be quite busy going back and forth between our apartments.  But it will be fun....

Be careful when performing aftercare on a new ear piercing

 

Be careful when performing aftercare on a newly pierced ear.  If the stud is lose, it can easily be lost - and I did just that.

But first....

This would be my first weekend away from my home (Read: I would be at RQS's place) and would need to perform my 2x-3x daily aftercare routine in a new setting.. I didn't think too much of this, as the stud was loosely applied to its backing, so that I'd have room to clean the area around the piercing and move the stud a little bit to help with healing.

At my place, I'd usually sit at my computer desk and perform the aftercare ritual there. However, at RQS's place, I'd be standing by her sink to perform the ritual. And this is where and when the stud popped out.  All of a sudden, the stud was propelled forward by the backing and fell into the sink.  Damn!  If I had blocked the drain, I'd have never lost the stud.  Now, I'd need a new stud to keep the hole open.

The next morning, RQS and I went to a local jewelry shop, and I had new studs put in.  OUCH!  The woman was not delicate with what she was doing, and my ears would feel irritated for a few days.  The backing to the studs were on tight, and I knew aftercare would be harder to perform for the next month or so.

I can't wait until I can wear normal earrings for the first time.  Yes, I'll need to keep the studs in until then.  But I can't wait to show my friends at game night that I can now wear the earrings that they gave me one Christmas.

So...

Be careful when getting your ears pierced.  You will need to perform aftercare, and it'd be a shame to go what I went through if you aren't careful when doing it....

Ear Piercing - a short post

 

I finally did it!  This T-Girl finally has pierced ears!

This afternoon, RQS and I went to the local tattoo/piercing shop to get our ears pierced.  I had let her make the appointment for the two of us, as I was a little apprehensive about taking this next step towards my feminine self.  So, we got up early today and made it out the door by noon, arriving at Big Joe's Tattoo & Piercing at 12:30 pm.

The shop was cleaner than RQS expected, and the place felt "just right" for what we were doing.  The piercer first checked to see if RQS's holes were there, and they were.  So, she sold RQS a set of studs that would keep her earlobe holes open until they have stretched enough for RQS to use her own pierced earrings. Then it was my turn.  After sterilizing my loves, she marked out spots on each lobe and then took out a piercing tool. As quickly as the tool was taken out of its wrapper, the piercing was done and I had tiny studs in my ears. 

I'll be doing aftercare for 2-3 months, and then I'll be able to wear my own earrings.  Yay!  I'll be able to wear my own pierced earrings when RQS and I meet Stephanie in Chicago.

I've been hemming and hawing about getting my ears pierced - until now.

 

I've had a set of pierced earrings for ages, but have never used them because my ears weren't pierced.  I've hemmed and hawed about getting this done, and I'm about to finally bite the bullet and get this done. 

Some of my worries about this were related to how noticeable the tiny studs would be while the ear healed.  I didn't want either my doctor or my brother to notice the piercings at this time.  Once the piercing has healed, I could cover the hole with a dab of makeup and clean it up when I got home. Now, I'm more secure in myself, and I want to proceed on my next step to femininity.

Although RQS had her ears pierced once, the holes have closed and it is time to do it again.  Given that I've read that piercing shops do a better job than mall operators with piercing guns, I'm  planning on making an appointment with RQS to get our ears pierced at the same time.  Once done, we will be following a regimen of tasks to keep the piercings clean while they heal.

Am I nervous?  Yes.  But it could be much worse....