Ever have a day that you had no energy to do anything?

 

Today, even waking up felt like an effort.  Although I might have gained consciousness around 9 am, I wasn't out of my bed until 11 am.  And the lethargy lasted throughout the day and into the night.  What caused this, I don't know.  I wasn't feeling sad.  I wasn't feeling upset.  And I wasn't in a bad mood.  I simply had no energy to get out of bed, save to eat and for bio-breaks.

By the time I had any energy, it was after dark, and I found myself with little to eat, save for a couple of frozen meals.  (There's much more to eat in the ice box, but I didn't want to take the time to thaw anything out, or put things on the stove to be cooked.)  If I had showered and dressed, I'd have gone to Burger King for Whopper Wednesday - I was in the mood for burgers, and I didn't even have any frozen White Castle sliders available. 

Late in the afternoon, I sat down on my sofa and fell asleep again, only becoming semi-conscious when a documentary about the construction and first sailing of one of the cruise ships I've been on.  After nuking and eating a couple of these frozen dishes, I became fully awake - around 9 pm.  AARGH!  Could today's lethargy be caused by my blood sugar level?  I think I'll have to start testing this again when I notice some symptoms when waking up.

So what should I do with the rest of my evening?  I think I'll end up folding some laundry, and get ready to go back to bed again.... 

The apartment is a total mess, and I can't find the energy to do anything.

 

OK, this is only a slight exaggeration - I don't find my energy until the afternoon is half over, and it doesn't make sense to do many things.  Yet, I feel that my lethargy is getting in the way of life as I once knew it.

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One of the problems I have is a reluctance to deal with people when advocating for myself.  It's my simple reluctance to have potentially stressful interactions with people coming to play.  By nature, I am not a dominant person.  Instead, I am a person who likes to head off in one direction with as little interference as possible.  And I have been lucky enough to have the resources to do just that in my adult life.

My lethargy gets in the way of me doing simple tasks such as doing laundry on a regular basis.  So, it piles up until I have no other alternative but to do several loads at once.  This can be a pain in the ass at times, but I've noticed it getting in the way of being social with others.  Yesterday, I had a meetup that I went to, but could have just as easily bailed out on it - I was tired enough to have stayed in bed a bit longer.

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With all that being said, I still find it energizing to go out in the world as Marian.  Being my true self provides me with the energy I need to go out and live life.  I wonder how many older transgender folks feel the same way as I do?

I don't have much to say for today, save that I couldn't eat the whole thing.

 

OK, I know I have to go on a diet other than "See Food".  But when it's a once-a-year dinner at a good restaurant and service is slow, it's hard for me NOT to chow down from the bread basket.

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I didn't want to get up today.  It was raining outside, and they predicted more extreme weather by dinnertime.  For the most part, I stayed in my jammies and watched videos most of the day.  That is until I found a 7-8 year old computer that was once my dad's machine until he passed away.  Although the computer runs Windows 10, it can't be upgraded to Windows 11 because it doesn't have a TPM module.  (Even more important, the machine still uses rotating disk memory and is way too slow compared to modern machines.)  So, I have two Windows 10 machines that can't be upgraded, and I don't know what to do with them.

Next, I had to get showered and dressed.  Although I really want to go out as Marian, I'm not going to out myself to people I'm not sure would respect me after the outing.  (There are still some advantages to presenting as a male, and I have to take advantage of them while on the co-op board.)  Just before I was to pick up my fellow board members, I decided to finally subscribe to a new anti virus platform.  This was easier than I thought it would be.  But it will be way too expensive to stay on this platform after this subscription period ends.

Once done with installing the new software, it was off to pick up my fellow co-op board members, and then to the restaurant.  At the restaurant, we met the new site manager, our accountant and our lawyer.  As much as we discussed formal business with our experts, we also participated in normal social chit chat.  Service was slow, and I ate too much - simply because the bread basket was right in front of me. And then the food came!  In this episode of "(Wo)man vs. Food", Food won this round.  I ended up bringing the seafood home, only to trash it in the dumpster.  After 2-3 hours, I wasn't going to trust the safety of a seafood dish, and I wasn't going to reheat it for tomorrow's meal.  So the only thing I figured I should do is toss the leftovers because it was the safest thing to do.

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Tomorrow will be another day.  And I am scheduled to go to another meetup.  Like the last one, I'm not certain about going.  I'll make a decision about it tomorrow morning....

I did plenty of nothing, and nothing's plenty for me. (a short post)

 

It was the day after my flu/covid shots, and I didn't have much energy to do much of anything today.  Yes, I got things ready for me to get dressed after a shower, but that's as far as I got today.

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I have found that I need an extra push to get anything done lately.  If there is something scheduled for me to do outside of the apartment, I'll end up doing it - especially when Marian's presence is expected.  There is something that energizes me when I'm able to be out as Marian.

My original plans were to do some laundry in the morning, then go out and see a movie in the evening.  Obviously, neither of these things happened.  Instead, it was time to do two loads of laundry.  It's not the most exciting thing to do, but it has to get done before RQS arrives here.

While starting to get myself moving, I opened my large suitcase to unpack what's left inside of it. I found that one of the soda cans I had packed from my cruise had leaked, but I haven't found out what it leaked into.  I guess it'll all come out in the wash.

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Sometime over the next few days, I'll have to unpack my winter wardrobe.  In it are some long sleeved dresses that I wear as tunics over leggings.  Thinking of leggings, I just ordered 3 pairs from Universal Standard.  Hopefully, they will feel as nice as the one pair from them that I already own.

As cold as a witch's....

 

Today ended up being a stay-at-home day, as SJM had to postpone our lunch until next week.  That was OK with me, as I really didn't want to get dressed, go out in the cold to clean the snow off my car, then drive to lunch.  I was nice and happy in my warm apartment, and didn't want to change things or make any effort to do so.

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I figure that I have to fight off the lethargy that has taken over my life as of late.  And I plan to get out of the house tomorrow, if only to go to another meetup and get out in the world with people.  But that doesn't say much about today, does it?  For the most part, I did almost nothing of note other than watching videos and resting.  Could it be that I have a hibernation instinct?  I doubt it.  

Eventually, I had to take out the garbage.  So I got dressed enough to make it to the dumpster, brush the snow off the car, and get my mail from the mailbox before returning to my apartment.  While outside, I noticed how cold it was, and noted that it will be 10 degrees colder this coming weekend when I'm with RQS.  Given that it might snow again, I may just leave my car in a visitor's space while I use mass transit to visit RQS at her place.

Once done with the outside world for the night, it was on to a Zoom meeting with my friends from Texas.  We presented the option of getting together in the fall, but it looks like we'll have a better chance of getting together in 2025 when it is warm and dry.  (Or, at least, I hope so.) My one requirement is that if we meet somewhere, the place we meet must be LGBT friendly - especially to people of a non-conforming gender presentation. Although we talked of many things, I won't go into all of what we chatted about.  In short, it was nice to chat with these friends again....

Trying to get things done with no energy

 

Lately, I have been dealing with a lack of energy to do things. If I have something scheduled for the day, I have no problems getting moving.  But if not, then it is a different matter.  Over the past few days, I have felt out of sort, feeling like I was getting over a cold early last week, and then having a cough settle in my chest later on.  And a week later, this cough still lingers - even though I have been taking cough suppressant medicine to get to sleep and to make it through the day.

Considering that I will be taking a trip soon, I'm going to try to see my doctor for a last minute visit.  One problem, I also have a LONG co-op board meeting that I must attend because we are interviewing vendors and dealing with issues I won't describe here.  There is too much going on, and not enough of me to go with it.  Luckily, I found the time to do laundry tonight.

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Since this would be the last day for two weeks that I'd be able to present as Marian, I made sure to get out and about in the new dress I got from Universal Standard.

I love the color of the dress, but it's a little "off" for my figure, as I don't have a defined waist.  Yet, with the right cardigan over it, it'll work well for me.  So, I put the dress on, and went out to find something to eat.  Instead of heading North or East, I headed South - and ended up at a new Lefteris Gyro establishment in Hartsdale.  Yum!  After an enjoyable meal, I took my leftovers and went home before the expected rains were to come.

Once home, I changed back into Mario and took care of a last minute chore - Laundry.  Although my dresses are air drying, I still have a couple of baskets to sort and fold.  I think I'll try to do this during the co-op board meeting, as the co-op president has asked another board member to take notes for a change, and give me a much needed break.

I did plenty of nothing, and nothing's plenty for me.

 

Lethargy - It's something that plagues me early in the day, and keeps me from having the energy to do things until it is too late to do them.  In short, my body wants to live a life out of sync with the rest of the world, and it gets frustrating at times.

Today, I was thinking of doing laundry when I got up in the morning, and then go into the city to see the God of Carnage off-Broadway revival.  Instead, I didn't start doing anything until 2 pm, and didn't do laundry until 6 pm.  There was no way that I'd make it in time for the play, so I resumed work for another website I am developing.

The website I'm working on is travel related, and part of what I plan to do will be blog related.  Yet, I have yet to figure out how I want the site to look when I'm done with things, and I have yet to figure out how I want to handle video links on the site. And I'm glad that I was able to get back to work on the blog, as I'd like to have everything related to the project up and running by the end of the year, with content ready for people to view and enjoy.

Since I left the bank 9 years ago, I have done a decent amount of travel on a budget.  There are stories I have to tell and wisdom I have to share.  And this new site will be my medium to do so.  Hopefully, when it is ready, I'll be able to share things here as well....

Thank god for people who confirm lunches and dinners!

 

One of the problems with being retired is that one day can flow into the next, and one can lose track of time.  That often happens to me.  I'm grateful to have a girlfriend, someone who resets my internal calendar by her presence in my life.  But I am also grateful for my other friends who contact me the day before we get together, insuring that I remember our getting together in time to get ready for our lunches and dinners.

I now understand how my father became a large couch potato.  Without friends to visit and things to keep him busy, all he could do is spend time and become ever more lethargic.  The same signs are present in me as well, as I do not get out and about unless I have people to be with.  Maybe, this is why I gravitate towards planning future vacations.  My body knows it needs things to look forward to, and a bucket list vacation is a great way to keep one's mind active - even if just planning things to do on that vacation.

Today, SJM texted me to remind me about tomorrow's lunch.  I had totally forgotten about it, but will squeeze it in - even though I have to drive to RQS later on in the day.  I'd have hated to leave her lurking in the lurch.  At my age, it takes a lot to build new friendships, and I don't want to lose any due to being lazy and forgetful.

If it weren't for things to do, I wouldn't get up - A short post.

 

Being a biological male, I have to deal with a problem.  Once one no longer has to go to work, one loses a reason to get up in the morning.  In my case, I could stay in bed for days at a time, if I didn't schedule things to justify getting up sometime during the day.  One of the things I try to do when I'm up is to think about future travel plans, as they give me a reason to keep getting up.

Lately, I've been trying to book as much travel as possible into my schedule, so that I always have something real to look forward to. Three trips are already scheduled for the year, and I am looking to schedule one or two more trips.  So far, I have trips to DC, California, and Bermuda planned, and may book a trip to the Bahamas by the end of the year.

The California and Bermuda trips will consist of 7 day cruises, and be on cruise lines (Princess and NCL) that I have both sailed on before and enjoyed very much.  However, if I book the Bahamas cruise, it will be on a new line, MSC, and I have heard mixed things about this cruise line.  The things that most people complain about are the uninspired food offerings. If I take this trip, it will likely be without RQS, as I'm not sure if she'd be ready to gamble more money on a trip she might not enjoy. As for me, it will be an opportunity to travel as Marian and relax a bit.

Right now, the Bahamas cruise is only something that keeps my mind busy.  And even if I never take that trip, it's a pleasant diversion....

Sooner or later, I'll get back to being awake in the morning.

Over the  past few weeks, I have been unable to get up early in the morning unless there is an absolute need to do so.  This is frustrating to me, as I have missed being able to do things with people who are out and about at earlier times of the day than I have been.  I just can't find the energy to get moving unless I have a social engagement planned for the day.

Today was a typical example of this pattern.  Although the alarm first woke me around 8:00, I "hit the snooze button" and didn't get moving until noon.  Then, I lallygagged until 5:00, when I was reminded that I had a Zoom meeting with my friends from Texas.  At that time, I got showered, dressed, put some laundry in the wash, and off I went to the supermarket to pick up some food. Around 7:30, I met with my Texas friends, and then killed some time before talking with RQS.  Just before I called RQS, I remembered that I had clothes in the dryer and brought them upstairs.  

As you can see, this was a typical day for me.  I didn't get as much done as I wanted.  But I got as much done as I needed.  At least, I can say that I spent part of the day in Marian Mode - it was the first time I've been out as Marian in almost a week.

 

Random thoughts on a weekend day

I usually take care of shopping for the week on weekends.  When I'm at RQS's place I usually go to the supermarket on my way home.  This way, I'm able to pick up lunches for several days.  If I haven't done my laundry, Sunday is the day it gets done.  This weekend, I got a little bit done, but didn't have energy for anything else.

Yes, I've written about being tired many times before.  And I will likely do so again.  But I've noticed that when I don't have much at stake, I tend to do nothing - not forcing myself to gt up to do any of the things I need to do.  Is it old age, is it depression, or is it something else?  The root of my lethargy is a big concern to me, as I feel that as I approach traditional retirement age that I need to understand more about my health.

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Years ago, I could ride a bicycle all day, covering 50 miles without much thought other than the time it would take to do so.  Today, I couldn't even pedal a bicycle up the small hill that I live on.  Much of this can be explained by the weight I've put on over the years.  But that's not the only factor.  I never learned how to eat healthy, nor did I develop a taste for "healthy" things to eat.

One of the things I can do to help myself is to get outdoors more often.  Before I took my current job, I had no problem finding time to do this - even in the worst days of the pandemic.  Now, it's much harder for me.  I figure that things will get better once I finally retire for good, as I will both have no excuses not to get out and I will have the time (and energy) to do so when my body is ready to do so.

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In chatting with my brother for a few minutes, he mentioned that an operation he just had is healing nicely.  Hopefully, he'll still be glad that he took care of this when he has to go to work.  In many ways, he's in the same position I'm in - he can't ask a family member for help.  In his case, he'd prefer to ask a friend for help.  In my case, I'd need to ask a friend for help.  This will become more of a problem as we get older, as there will be fewer people around that we can ask for help when we need it.

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I could go on and on about little things.  But I'm not in the mood for regurgitating little things.  So, I'll end this entry here....