Today, I saw 2 friends I haven't seen in a dog's age. The first was my friend Maria, and the second was my friend Vicki (#2). My 2 friends and I share a common bond - we have all been widowed, and we have all had to deal with a great loss.
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It has been 26½ years since I lost my wife, 3 years for Maria, and less than a week for Vicki. We are all on the road of processing our respective losses. And I still remember enough of the pain I felt to provide some comfort to my friends.
At lunch today, Maria and I talked about our losses and how ignorant people could magnify the pain we still feel in regard to our losses. I mentioned that it is not uncommon for songs to trigger crying fits, for people to say things without malice that can trigger anger, and (at times) for ourselves to lose our reasons for being. Widowhood is not easy, but the grief we feel is needed to tell us how important a person was to us. Confronting it and processing it is the way for us to heal - even if the loss scars us forever.
All too soon, Maria had to leave, and I was off to see Vicki before taking care of errands of my own. When I arrived at Vicki's place, I was warmly greeted and we sat down to chat for an hour. Her mind wasn't fully there, as there was similar sense of numbness to what I felt when I lost my wife. The constant care-taking had ended, and the continual processing of new pain was over. Now, she has to move forward with her life, process the pain she will feel because of her loss, and figure out what her next act will be.
You will note that I did not give many details about my two friends, save when they were widowed. These 2 friends share more than membership in a sisterhood of widows. They share a common humanity - people who have been there for people until that need has ended. And for that, I will be there for them when they need a friend.
