Dating issues

 

I can still remember the days when I was getting to know my late wife.  These were the fun days in our relationship, where the future was wide open for the two of us.  After she died, forming relationships became much more complicated, especially with my transgender nature now being a factor.  And still, I would love to be like the girl in the picture above, save another woman sitting across from me. My most recent ex-girlfriend didn't understand this.  Although I am comfortable in both gender presentations, my generation looks at people like me with a strange gaze.  People like me confuse many people, and often make them feel uncomfortable.

Recently, I have had "the conversation" with a woman I've dated (I would now do this before any relationship started to become serious), and she hasn't run away from me yet.  Can I say that she is truly comfortable with me in Marian Mode?  No.  She has yet to see me in person as Marian.  And I wouldn't bet on anything until she does.

As much as I am not sleeping around, I figure that I have to move forward with my life.  A couple of weeks ago, FCP sent me a message with a picture of her grandson.  Even though she still made a big deal about my stupid actions of the past, she brought up the ex-girlfriend.  Along with another comment made at the ex-girlfriend's son's wedding, I got to wondering - does she want me to restore a broken relationship with my ex, so that FCP can forgive vicariously?  Who knows?  But I feel I can reasonably assume that what passed between me and my ex in 2020 makes it almost impossible for us to be intimate again - in any meaning.  (Maybe, the next time FCP reads this blog, she can send me a private message?  Nah, this would mean that she wants to figure out how to build a bridge to replace one which was burnt to cinders....)  

Right now, RQS and CWS are at the top of my list.  And I've deactivated my OK Cupid account, so that I can focus my efforts on women with whom I have a good shot of sharing a good future.  RQS is in the lead, and we're enjoying each other's company.  As I said, I will not "Roach" these women.  So I'll have to be very careful to stay friends with one until I'm absolutely sure that I'm in a solid relationship.