Well - After a night of worrying, things are sorting themselves out. My brother found the paperwork I needed, and my new accountant said that all she needed now was a copy of my 2022 tax returns. So, I got that in order, and sent off the down payment (1/3 of predicted tax prep charges) to the accountant.
In my life, I have learned that when I'm worried, that I have to go to sleep and let my subconscious sort things out. When I couldn't do so, such as when XGFJ and I broke up, my mind kept running in circles because the pandemic would soon get in the way of activities needed for distraction. Four years later, I think of her now and then, but not in a pining over type of way. Instead, she's just a milestone in life, an experience I had to go through before I was ready for RQS.
Life has a nasty habit of throwing me curve balls, and even my relationship with RQS is like an off speed pitch. There is nothing wrong with it. But it is something that you have to be ready for in order to get the most from it. There are words I don't say and phrases I don't use out of respect for her. (It's not that I'd use them often. I'm just a little more careful because it would hurt me to hurt her feelings needlessly.) And I'll bet that she goes the extra mile to try to keep me feeling good.
Years ago, XGFJ said that one of the reasons for our breakup (other than me being TG) was that I didn't show her enough affection, and say the little nothings she needed to hear. I learned from that and try to make sure that RQS knows I care about her in both words and touch whenever possible. Yes, holding hands while walking is still difficult, as the differences in our heights causes our arms to want to swing at different paces. But we still try to do this.
Too bad that we don't teach our kids to rest on things a bit before tackling things that might be a little overwhelming. Maybe we'd accomplish more if we took the time to think before deciding to act....
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