I understand why people feel overwhelmed these days

 

The above picture was taken at a meetup with a group who now has gatherings when I am not free to attend due to scheduling conflicts.  Trying to live life around other's schedules and needs gets exhausting for many, and it's easy to see how many people (like my brother) get overwhelmed by life.  And I got to thinking this morning about how retirement doesn't always free us from our responsibilities to others, and the sacrifices we make to fulfill those responsibilities.

In my case, I've had to make a trade-off - go to meetups, or have a relationship with RQS.  Which would you drop?  If you said RQS, I'd slap you from here to next Tuesday.  She's a keeper.  But this has me run the risk of not being able to travel while I'm able to do so, as her health seems to be on the wane.  Even with healthy eating, her body is betraying her.  Do you think I'd want to give up on travel if something more important would get in the way?

While we're on the subject of travel, most of my readers know that I have often traveled as a female who carries male id.  With the current administration in Washington, I'm not sure of how long I can do this.  All it takes is for some person wanting to impress his supervisors by excessive use of authority to hassle me, and everything could fall apart in my life.  I now have to think whether I should travel as a female for one upcoming cruise I plan to take.

Yet, my problems pale in comparison to others.  For example, my brother's car was totaled (through no negligence of his own - his car was stopped at a light when someone hit him), his job is both life draining and a time suck, his volunteer efforts take up time, he manages the family homestead that we rent out, and he returns to a home which is not a refuge for him. RQS has to manage two life threatening ailments that could both cripple her and cause her to have an early death.  Since both ailments run in both her blood lines, she is scared. And these are only two of the people close to me.  Many others have it much worse than this.

Turning on the TV or radio is no escape, as we are bombarded by the latest atrocities going on in the world.  The orange snowflake keeps trying to destroy the rule of law in the US, while his actions are destroying the security enjoyed by Americans that took generations to build up.  Yes, globalization without a good social safety net has resulted in a lot of broken lives.  But a return to a society where no social safety net exists would be even worse for us.  It's bad enough when one person loses a job.  But when entire states lose large percentages of their work forces due to social, environmental, and economic change, how can people cope?  It's hard to feed, clothe and house one's family if no jobs are available, much less even afford proper health care.  No wonder why many in the "Red States" live in fear of losing what little they have - they have always lived as serfs tied to the estates of nobility which never cared about their subjects.

 

If I were speaking to an audience of "Minorities" who complain about being victimized, I'd say 

Get over it!

This does not mean to ignore those things that drain your soul.  Instead, I want for people to conquer their problems and take control over what they can in their lives.  We can not control what life puts in our way.  But we can control how we react when we encounter these problems.  Yet, sometimes, taking charge may involve doing the unthinkable.  Years ago, the wife of a close friend was dying of the same type of cancer which claimed my wife's life.  When she could no longer swallow any food and was in constant untreatable pain, she had to make an impossible decision - do I choose life or do I choose death?  Many people would tell her to get doped up for the pain, and live the rest of her few remaining days in hospice without any quality of life.  Without children to care for and a husband who could live without her, she chose to end her life while it still had meaning for her.  (I was with her husband when this happened.)  I don't know if I could have done what she did.  But I hope I could do it, instead of wasting away in a hospital bed, burning money that I'd rather go to my heirs.

 

Please note that I first focused on the exception to my rule instead of the rule I apply to my life. I feel that it is my duty to try and conquer what problems life puts in front of me.  It's hard enough getting by these days.  And for my transgender friends who read this blog, I say: 

 Don't Give Up!  

This too shall pass.

Some people may have to bear a heavier load in life than others.  But you don't have to break under the pressure.  Try to set limits.  Ration your media consumption.  Avoid "Friends" who are "Debbie Downers".  Find people and places which recharge your batteries when you are around them.  Even if you can't limit your responsibility to a ailing relative or friend, you must find time to nurture yourself. Just keep looking for hope, and you shall find it.

 

 

Parting is such sweet sorrow

 

So many odds and ends for people to catch up on, and I'm in the middle of many of them.

Let me explain.... 

I've been there for RQS through 2 emergency room visits, and forced diet changes caused by her ailments.  This is not a problem for me, as I need to have less ultra-processed food in my diet.  However, it may crimp our style when we choose places to eat for our once (or more) per week nights out.  In many ways, this will be a good thing, as I will need to clean much of the crap out of my cupboard, replacing it with healthy foods.

Before leaving RQS today, we decided on a place where we will have her birthday dinner.  It's a nice restaurant where we've held two of our co-op board's yearly dinners.  Since it will be the first weekend of Hudson Valley Restaurant week, I figured that we could have a nice dinner for a little less than I'd normally pay for such a dinner.

When I got home, I texted my brother to ask him how the house is coming along.  Well, we may have to make some hard decisions, so that we can rent the place out as soon as possible.  It looks like my brother's car got totaled by some idiot kid driving recklessly on a side street while my brother was patiently waiting for a light.  Given his workload, etc. I wasn't going to push him for information for my taxes.  However, he said that he should have things ready soon.  And I made arrangements to help him with work on the house next weekend - something I hate doing, but needs to be done.

I wish I could have stayed with RQS another day, but I have a doctor's appointment in the morning.  If I make the time AND get my bedroom cleaned up enough to have my bed delivered on Tuesday, I may decide to go into the city and see an old movie, completely recut and reedited with never seen footage - Caligula: The Ultimate Cut.  Will this end up being the final version of this production?  I doubt it.  Although this version has much of Bob Guccione's porn removed, it is still a flawed film.  Yet, I'll bet that someone will rework the film into something better than the the 2 versions that currently exist for sale.

It's been a long weekend, and I'm almost glad it's over

 

I'll bet that RQS was feeling like this on her way home today.  On Friday, she had lost her cell phone, and we drove to Queens on Saturday to retrieve it.  Most of the remaining weekend was spent resting, recharging ourselves for the week ahead.

But why do I mention this?

My brother had a busier weekend than I did.  My nephew lives on the west coast, and my brother went out there for a competition my nephew participated in.  As expected, my nephew did well, and is preparing for the next step in his competitive career.  This meant that my brother didn't have the time to take care of paperwork I needed, nor did he have the time to recharge his batteries after an over-full week at work.  There was no way I was going to pester my brother for paperwork with the stuff he has going on in his life.  Instead, I made sure to talk about my nephew for 20 minutes before asking any questions such as: Did my brother have the chance to find my grandmother's death certificate? Of course, he also had an answer for my unasked question.  And we then proceeded to talk about priorities for the rental property we jointly own.

- - - - - -

When RQS finally made it home, she found something in her mailbox - jury duty pay.  Someone had pilfered the original check sent to her, so she had to file a claim for the money owed to her.  Now, she can afford to treat me to a fine dinner at l'Arca del Oro. (That's Mickey D's, for those who don't get the reference.)  She's in a better place than she was a week ago.  And now, I gave her a much more pleasant task than the doctors did last week - choosing a restaurant to go to for Hudson Valley Restaurant Week (HVRW).

Last night, I had a disagreement with my brother.

 

My brother and I had a stiff disagreement last night, and it got me to thinking that we should sell the rental property we jointly own.  He is overworked, over-tasked, and overwhelmed.  And all I was asking him to do was to take care of the financials for the property, so that I can get my taxes done by April 15th.  Today, he called to apologize for getting upset, and I gracefully accepted the apology.  (I won't tell him that he triggered my emotional walls to go up and prepare for the absolute worst to happen.)

- - - - - - 

We are in the process of getting the house ready for another rental.  Recently, we were told that we need a new hot water installed.  This will cost about $3,000 or so, excluding permits. When the permits were filed for, we encountered another problem - our dad had converted the house from oil to gas heat.  But the paperwork wasn't marked as complete in the town offices, and we have more headaches because of things that happened years ago.

 

The work was done, but it appears that the final inspection wasn't taken care of.  So, my brother is contacting the plumbing firm that took care of the boiler install years ago, and we hope to get this resolved without spending too much money.  Once this is done, the new permit for the hot water heater could be issued, and we could finally be done with some of the work that's needed for the house.

- - - - - -

Looking at work we need to take care of , I feel that we need to replace windows in the basement, followed by installing a half-bath in the basement.  This way, we can up the rent and recover what we put into the house this year.

Right now, I have the money in my bank accounts to fund the work on my own if needed.  But that's not how things work.  My brother has to find ways of financing his home maintenance as well as financing his share of this house's maintenance.  This makes me glad that I only have to worry about my co-op board responsibilities, leaving general financing issues to a party of others.

I'm glad that I never bought a townhouse or detached home....

 

 

 

 

Eastern Caribbean Cruise - Debarkation Day (02/02/25)

 

Our ship was situated outside New York harbor until roughly 5 am, when the ship started to make port in Brooklyn and end our cruise. The above picture was taken from the ship's port side camera's TV feed.  It's far from the same view when taken from a balcony cabin.

- - - - - -

Neither RQS nor I got enough sleep overnight, and I was awake from 3 am onwards.  Around 7 am, we went to the main dining room for one last time for breakfast.  A lady at the table next to us was on the same cruise I was on for my first MSC cruise, and had similar opinions as I did regarding that cruise. Luckily for us, this cruise was much better all around - the food was better and the entertainment was better.  Yet, service was still hit or miss. Our conversation turned to the day's politics, and people at the table next to her joined in - none of us liked what the Orange Snowflake was doing in DC.

Once breakfast was over, we killed time waiting for our disembarkation group to be called.  Our number was called shortly before 9:30 am, and we proceeded to pick up our luggage and kill time inside the terminal, avoiding having to spend excess time in the cold waiting for a ferry that would take us to Atlantic avenue where we'd summon an Uber.  I noticed that staff was allowing handicapped people to take a shortcut and bypass the snaking line leading to the Customs/Immigration stations on our way out of the building.  So I told RQS to take out her cane, and we saved 15 minutes which we'd spend waiting for the ferry. The ferry came at 10:35, and we were at Atlantic avenue by 11 am, and the Uber got us back to RQS's place by 11:30 am.  However, I would still have to wait before I could go home - my brother couldn't pick me up until 4 pm.  So, I rested a while, and my brother arrived when expected.  

We were at the family homestead 30 minutes later, and we discussed what was needed to bring the house up to snuff for rental.  In addition to absolutely needed repairs, we may end up adding a half bath in the basement to increase the rent we can charge. Then, finally, I loaded my bags into my car and drove home.  With a stop for dinner and some food shopping factored in, it didn't take me long to get home.  Finally, I can sleep in my own bed again!

Lunch and Dinner, or: Where are the police when you need them?

 

I had two things on the docket for today.  But the thing of most interest today was an accident that almost happened.

- - - - -

I woke up around 9 am, not having much sleep last night.  So I took my time getting ready to go out to see Vicki for a late lunch.  But first, I had to shovel out the snow around my car.  That involved getting dressed as Mario, clearing the show off the car, and shoveling a clear path to the plowed section of the driveway.  Luckily, the snow wasn't too heavy, and I was able to get this done in 20 minutes.

After a brief stop for breakfast, I went home to shower and get dressed as Marian.  And then, it was off to Mt. Kisco to meet Vicki for lunch.  Arriving at the restaurant, I found that the meters weren't working today, as it was a Federal holiday.  Even though I was glad to see Vicki, I really wasn't in the mood to talk politics, as there's nothing we could do to avoid the upcoming 4 year disaster.

Once done with lunch, I drove over to Route 684, and was about to make a "California Stop" at the light for a right turn on red, so that I could get on the highway.  There was a police car to my left and an idiot that sped up along the shoulder and almost hit me as I was starting to make a right turn onto the highway.  (If I had started movement to the entrance ramp even 1 second earlier, my car would have been totaled.)  As I made my turn, the police car turned across traffic, sped past me, then pulled the idiot over before he got on the highway.  Boy, was I relieved!  The idiot was about to get what he rightly deserved - a very expensive ticket!

Next, I killed time at Starbucks before going to the meetup for dinner. Unfortunately, most of the people who reserved a place at dinner bailed without notice, and only 3 of us were there for dinner.  By the time I finished my cheeseburger, I was stuffed.  I couldn't eat another bite. 

On the way home, my brother and I chatted about the house we rent out.  Now that the tenants are gone, there are some improvements we may make.  Will it cost money?  Yes.  But we should recoup our money relatively quickly.  And then he got to talking about what should happen when my sister in law passes (hopefully, she will go first).  It makes sense for him to sell his homestead at that time due to the $500k tax exclusion he'd have that year, then take some of his capital gains to buy me out.  He'd live in the family homestead for a few years, and then repeat the process to get more tax free money out of his home equity.  

It was a good day.  But it certainly didn't go as I expected. 

- - - - - -

On other matters....

Sadly, the Orange Snowflake has been inaugurated, and he has already made some anti-transgender statements.  Hopefully, my readers who have needed to get their gender marker on their personal IDs updated, have already done so before today.  I think it will be at least 4 years before people will be able to do this for Federally issued documents again.

Doing nothing in the middle of the week.

 

Today's entry was written on New Years Day.  Neither RQS nor I felt like getting dressed today, so we took care of little things that we could do around the apartment.  Yet, most of the day, we were sitting around and watching YouTube videos.  RQS decided to bake some rye bread, and she took care of that during breaks in videos.

- - - - - -

So, why am I posting today's entry, instead of writing a "thought piece"?  The answer is simple.  I don't want to dwell on current events, as the prospects of what will happen on January 20th gets me upset.  With that being said, I am glad that the late President Carter's death will result in flags flying at half mast throughout most of January.

Over the past few hours, several people from my present and past sent me New Years' wishes, including a woman I once dated. However, the one communication I didn't expect was from DCD's ex-girlfriend, N.  Even though DCD is no longer N's boyfriend, she still tries to throw him some work to help him get by.  Unfortunately, DCD has gone incommunicado since the day after Christmas, and she hasn't been able to reach him for a shift scheduled for the end of the week.  I feel sorry for DCD, as both his age and health will get in the way of a "normal" job.

Several years ago, DCD had a benign brain tumor.  If I had heard him explain why he hasn't been working for a while, I wouldn't hire him due to the health insurance risk my firm might be taking on.  (Another reason for single payer healthcare.  For the time I've known him, DCD has never been able to own up to his failures and learn from them.  Last year, while driving him home from work (after a dinner at a diner), he talkws about his family holding an intervention for him.  Knowing him, he probably retreated into himself and walled himself off from honest criticisms of his behavior.  

When I sold DCD my Honda, I expected that he would be able to pay me $100/month until 24 payments were made.  Although I received 3 payments, he has avoided me since the 3rd payment.  I wouldn't push him into paying me, given that he still wants to try paying child support for his 2 kids.  It is unfortunate that he either refuses to get his support adjusted to reflect his lack of salary, or that he is unable to get the support amount changed due to other actions on his part. So, I will consider it a miracle if he ever finishes paying for the car, as I expect that he will pass away as an indigent without anyone being notified of it.

- - - - - -

On other matters....

RQS would like to get off of the ship at each port of our upcoming cruise.  I feel that it might be risky to travel as Marian and get off at some ports.  Since one of our stops will be in a port I have never visited before, I decided to write to the island's tourist bureau to find out whether I could travel as Marian, and still carry Mario's ID.  Depending on the answer to this question (and others I may have of other authorities), I will either travel as Marian (my preference) or as Mario (my default).

Given all of the positive feelings that have been expressed about Luigi Mangione and the healthcare CEO assassination, I wonder if he can get a fair trial.  A truly impartial jury will be totally ignorant of the world around them, something I wouldn't want for a jury evaluating evidence presented against me.  A biased jury will react to many things, including their opinions about the accused and their victim.  Given that our incoming president is being paid off by the highest bidder, I would love to see our current president pardon Luigi at the end of his term.  This will not affect the New York State case against this man.  But it can send a powerful message to the healthcare industry that the public is sick and tired of the abuses of that industry and will not take it any longer.

RQS noted that my brother tends to tune me out when I talk, possibly because I present facts with details before my conclusions.  Sadly, he doesn't realize that he does something similar.  But then, if we weren't related, we wouldn't bother being friends.  I find it amazing that we came from the same family.  But even more so, he is not a person who is introspective in any way.  I guess that my path in life made it possible for me to improve myself by learning from experiences - something I don't think my brother has done.

Well, enough for now.....

I inherited a dust collector. (And wish I didn't.)

 

As many of you already know, I scheduled a trip to California this past April to see my uncle, but he passed away 10 days before my arrival.  This weekend, I visited my brother to say hello and came back with the above "dust collector".

But first....

We had been waiting several days for notice that RQS's prescription had made it to the drug store.  Given all of the hassles RQS had at the hospital shortly before Thanksgiving, it made sense for her to pick up the prescription during 2024.  This would allow her to avoid the headache of getting this expensive prescription renewed by a new doctor shortly into the new year, when she'd be under time pressure to both get the prescription renewed and to pick it up.  This notice came two days after Christmas, so we scheduled our visit to RQS's neighborhood over the weekend.

It was strange driving to RQS's place on a Saturday, when there were none of the usual traffic jams that are normally endured while heading towards her place.  If we had choices, we would not have been on the roads, as the fog was so thick that one could barely see well enough to drive.  Yet, we made it to RQS's place, and took care of multiple pharmacy visits.

Next, it was off to see my brother.  It was good to see him, although things are not going well between him and my sister in law.  I won't go into details here, but I will say that he has a strained relationship with his wife that he may be making worse.  As soon as we got there, it was off to a seafood joint that my brother picked out.  Both of us picked the twin lobster dish, while RQS had the lobster roll.  All of us were filled to the gills by the time we left.

When we got back to my brother's house, I gave him a gag gift for Christmas.  This gift was a novelty takeoff on a "Magic 8 Ball", where one could get an answer of "Yes", "No", or "Maybe" by reading the message at the bottom of the ball.  My gift was a "Magic 6 Ball" that I found on Woot.com.  Unlike the 8-Ball, the 6-Ball produces only useless answers.  It'll make for a curious paperweight.  He asked me to hold on for a minute while he went inside the house to pick up something for me.  He returned with a statue that my uncle won for his work in TV.  Now, I have a dust collector that I can not sell, nor wish to give away.  However, I would have rather had the chance to meet him one last time, and to know him better....

Thinking about the year soon gone.

 

RQS and I seem to be spending most of our free time together, and we've got a routine that seems to be working for us.  This got me thinking about how my life has changed over the past few years, and how things seem to be crystalizing into something nice this past year.

- - - - - -

At the beginning of the year, I was concerned about visiting my uncle before he passed away.  Sadly, this did not happen, and I ended up taking a California Coastal Cruise by myself - one of the few times I've traveled lately without her.  (Yes, I will note that I booked my Hawaii cruise before I met her, but I did offer to have her come with me on the cruise.)  Our big trip was our Norwegian Cruise in June   And then, we took 2 separate cruises to Bermuda.  Cruising has become our favorite form of vacation, but the idea of visiting places already visited has diminished.  We want to experience new places.  And that may mean changing how we travel and where we go.

As we age, we have to worry a bit about changes in our health.  RQS has had her health problems, and I have had my issues.  I will soon need to search for a new GP, as my doctor is getting old.  He's a good doctor, but I have my issues about reaching his office, and the quality of his staff.  My sleep doctor is retiring at year end, and I need to find out who I will need to see for future follow-ups.  Luckily, the doctor who performed my colonoscopy is young, and I will likely be able to see him when I next need to have the lower part of my GI-Tract inspected.

Getting older often means that one will see his/her peers gradually die off.  Earlier this year, one of the people with whom I went to college suddenly passed away.  My cousin passed away just before RQS and I went on one of our Bermuda cruises.  And last night, I was told that the clinical supervisor for my feminine speech training at Mercy College had passed away due to a heart attack.  I live one of the more unhealthy lifestyles of people I know.  Yet, I've been lucky enough to maintain my addictions to air, water and food.  

Now that I've been out of the workforce for 2+ years, I miss work for only one reason - the social aspect of being in an office.  Towards the end of my work life, I knew that my efforts were underappreciated.  At the bank, I was no longer in the location where the company was growing, I was in a field that was quickly dying off, and I had been unable to make the transition to a new skill set in time to maintain my value to the corporation.  I was a misfit for the first job after leaving the bank .  And then, the next 2 jobs had no room for future growth.  So I'm glad that I have my days to myself.

Even with having days to myself, I'm finding that I'm attending fewer meetups.  More of them are being held on weekends, and I am no longer free on weekends.  More of my time is committed to being with RQS (and her time with me) than I ever had with XGFJ.  We stumbled into a solid relationship, and I make sure to tell her how lucky I feel that she's with me on this part of my journey through life.  Contrast this with my brother's life.  My sister in law's illness has put extreme stress on their relationship, and he stays away from the house to maintain his peace of mind.  Earlier in the year, he booked a Mediterranean cruise for August, and then cancelled it for reasons other than he wanted to mention - I think my sister in law's illness played a part in his decision.  Virtually all of his travel now is without his wife, and I feel sorry that they do not travel together to see their offspring.  I wouldn't trade my life with RQS for his life with his wife.  I prefer to spend my time with RQS when possible.

I am worried about what will happen over the next 4 years.  The president-elect is being reckless with his nominations, and will likely alienate us from the free world.  More important to me is the GOP's attitude towards transgender people.  Although I could live in stealth mode, I don't trust the powers that be not to violate my civil rights.  So I am working on getting a second passport.

So many things are in flux right now.  And yet, I feel calm.  Somehow, I'll find a way to survive and prosper - in spite of the world around me.

 

Other than driving North, this was a do-nothing day. (a short post)

 

I had originally thought that RQS and I would have come up to Croton last night, and I'd be spending the rest of the weekend in Marian mode.  Plans got changed, as we ended up sleeping in Queens on Saturday, then running a couple of errands in Queens before driving North.

On the way back to my place, I called my brother's place and reached my sister in law.  Although she has her own issues, she gave me her interpretation of what is going on with her and my brother - and it's not good.  Hopefully, something will happen to bring them closer together instead of driving them apart.

Once done with my sister in law, we went to BJ's and put a major dent into each of our wallets.  And finally, we were back at my place.

- - - - - -

Seeing some of the TG blogs I often read, they are now running scared of the incoming administration.  I plan to be out and about as Marian as long as I feel safe.  But the minute I think it's not safe, I may shut down this blog - and pray for the best.  Until then, please don't despair.  Even when evil runs the world, it burns itself out over time.  We just have to be cautious in these troubled times, helping each other as needed when needed.

A return to the Norman Rockwell Museum

 

This past Saturday would be a long day with my brother.  We had tried to get together on a weekend for a while for a road trip to the Norman Rockwell Museum.  Since I've seen the exhibition before, I figured that I'd look at things I didn't look at before, and let him wander around the place while I sat and took a load off my feet.

- - - - - -

I set my alarms to wake me around 8 am, so that I could be at our meeting place by 10:30 am.  It's hard to believe that I was early for a change, but I arrived at the parking lot around 10:15 and killed time waiting for him.  Unfortunately, he hit a lot of traffic, and didn't get to the lot until 11 am.  (It also didn't help that Google Maps gave him bad driving instructions.  But I digress.)

Once we were on the road, it took us a little over 2 hours to reach the museum.  (We were careful not to feed the bears.  We passed at least 3 "Smokeys" handing out citations on our way up.)  It was the perfect day for such a drive: traffic flowed smoothly and fast, there were no clouds in the sky, and it was the perfect temperature to drive to the Berkshires on an autumn day.  Eventually, we made it to the museum, and we went inside.

My brother took in all the exhibits slowly, while I picked and chose what I wanted to see next.  I didn't try to take everything in on this visit.  Instead, I looked for the exhibits that interested me most, and took some pictures before sitting down to ease my back pain.  Once we were done, I went to their shop and bought a couple of books related to the art of Mad, and then we departed the museum to find some lunch.

Once in Stockbridge, it was hard to find a vacant parking spot.  But we got lucky.  However, we did not find much in the way of open restaurants that weren't crowded at the time.  Yet, after a little bit of walking, we found a place to sit down for lunch.  (I won't mention where the place is, but as Arlo sang, "it's just a half of a mile from the railroad tracks.")  Sadly, Alice left the building many years before, and its current proprietors serve good food with mediocre service - so I will look for other dining venues when next in town.

After our late lunch, it was time to drive home.  I shared some of the driving duties, as my brother needed to nap a bit.  Boy, does he saw wood!  This wasn't as bad as I made it sound.  But he was tired, and he'd still have 90 minutes of driving ahead of him when he dropped me off at my car.  I was home by 6:30 or so, while he got home by 7:45.  (Again, he hit a lot of traffic.)  I was home in time to do laundry, but I didn't bother with this.  I could do it on Monday when I have some time.....

I finally saw the sequel. It was pleasant, but....

 

I had planned to go out as Marian today, but my lethargy got in the way.  However, I started packing my suitcase for an upcoming cruise (as Marian), and then decided to go out to the movies to see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.

But first....

As usual as of late, the sun woke me up.  This is not always a good thing, as I still am unable to fall asleep until well after midnight.  Although it could be caffeine related, I don't remember drinking any caffeinated soda after 6 pm. If anything, it was because I was watching a documentary about San Francisco's exotic dancer, Carol Doda.  Who'd have thought that this woman could have gotten so far just by taking off her clothes?  (Watch the film on Amazon Prime.  It's worth the time.)

So, this morning I woke up early, and took it easy most of the day.  Around mid afternoon, I started to pack things I'd need for my upcoming cruise.  Packing underwear and hosiery is easy.  Choosing dresses I can wear in Bermuda is something else.  Although the weather in the NYC suburbs ranges from a low in the 30's to a high in the 60's, Bermuda is warmer at this time of year.  So, one has to dress for weather that is 10 to 15 degrees warmer, yet be prepared for cooler weather.

Now that I got started with packing, and inventoried what I will likely need on a 7-Day cruise, it was time to take care of other things for a while before getting dressed.  Since I would be going out as Mario tomorrow (my brother and I are going to a museum), I figured that I'd go out as Mario tonight to both get a bite to eat and see a movie.

The first thing I did when out was to gas up the car, and I had an overflow that got on my hand.  AARGH.  This would get in the way of getting a bit to eat on the way to the movies.  Instead, I had to rush to the taco joint to wash my hands before ordering anything to eat.  Once I was done, I needed to kill some time before the late show.  So I took a drive, did an early chat with RQS and then went inside the theater for almost 30 minutes of ads before the movie started.

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is a pleasant sequel to the first film, where there are a lot of references to the first film to help people interested in the film.  If you liked the first film, you will like the second.  However, don't expect it to be as good as the first.  Additionally, you will see a setup for a third film at the end of this film.  I just hope they don't do it.

A meetup on a weeknight for a change

 

Lately, there haven't been that many dining meetups held on weeknights.  Since I am booked most weekends, it's been a long while since I've been out to eat with any of my groups.  So, tonight was a refreshing change of pace.

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Since RQS had stayed over until Tuesday morning, I decided to cancel attending Monday night's meetup with this group.  So I figured that I should get off my butt to attend tonight's gathering.  Only one problem - I was tired, and could have used another couple of hours napping on the couch.  But I made myself get up then got showered, made up and dressed to go out around 5:30.

Luckily, the meetup was in a restaurant 20 minutes from home.  Although parking wasn't hard to find, it wasn't as close to the restaurant as I'd have liked - the lot is shared with commuters, and they don't start clearing out until 6:30 pm.  So I had to walk a little more than I wanted to get inside.

As one can see from the picture above, there is a caboose on the left and an old coach car on the right.  The former Valhalla railroad station between them is the main body of the restaurant, with both non-mobile pieces of rolling stock now being used as dining areas.  Once inside, I looked to the left and saw my meetup group inside.  It was nice to be wearing a dress to dinner, as it will soon be too cold to dress as feminine as I'd like.

After greeting my fellow diners, I perused the menu to see if there was something interesting I'd like to eat.  There was, but I made a mistake in choosing it.  It's October, and the restaurant had Oktoberfest specials to choose from, and I selected the Wiener-schnitzel with a side Caesar salad.  I should have gone for the cheeseburger instead.When the Wiener-schnitzel arrived, the server didn't even know what it was, much less how to pronounce the name of the dish.  So the dish ended going back and forth between our table and the kitchen until someone realized that the waitress didn't know what the specials were.  I should have gone for the cheeseburger.  Not only was the schnitzel leathery and overcooked, but the potato pancakes served with it were devoid of moisture and flavor.  I should have gone for the cheeseburger!  But the Cookies and Cream ice cream truffle was pleasant.  Too bad I didn't go for the cheeseburger first....

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Once done with dinner, it was off to the supermarket to do some shopping.  While on the way, I chatted with my brother, confirming a visit to the Norman Rockwell Museum this weekend.  It'll be nice to spend the day with him, although it would have been nicer for me to spend the day with RQS visiting a few Open House NY sites.  Well, maybe next year....

Bermuda Cruise 2024 #1 - Disembarkation Day (10/06/24)

 

This morning, we returned to the Brooklyn Cruise Terminal. Here's the best view I could get of the ship before we got on the ferry at Red Hook.  But first....

Begrudgingly, RQS and I got up at 5:30 am in order to be out of our cabin by 7:30 am.  So, both of us finished repacking our carry-on bags, got showered and dressed, then headed off to the main dining room for our last breakfast on the ship.  After 7 days, we finally have the knack of getting what we want from the ship, and we'll miss ship life for a while.  Once done with breakfast, it was time to wait for a while, as our disembarkation group was not scheduled to be called until 9:45 am or so.

Having cruised with MSC before, I knew that we could wait in the "handicapped waiting area" across from the main dining room.  RQS and I asked if we could wait there instead of going to the theater and dealing with stairs, and then going back to the other end of the ship to leave it for the last time.  We were told we were welcome to wait in this area, and RQS was able to catch up on her reading for an hour and a half. 

Finally, our boarding group was called and we proceeded into the cruise terminal.  Compared with the task of finding our bags in the Manhattan Cruise Terminal, doing this in Brooklyn was easy, as luggage is scattered over a larger area and is easier to find. Once I located our luggage, it was off to US Customs' stations to be processed, and then we were free to leave the terminal.

Once out of the terminal, we figured that we'd skip the headache of dealing with getting an Uber at the pier. Instead, we'd deal with the headache of cars getting in and out of the cruise terminal area by taking the ferry to the Atlantic Avenue/Brooklyn Bridge park (Pier 6) and getting our Uber outside of the Brooklyn Marine Terminal area.  After waiting 45 minutes for the ferry to come, we took the ferry to its next stop, got off, and summoned an Uber.  The car arrived just 5 minutes later - we likely saved the driver at least 15 minutes (each way) by picking us up a mile away from the pier, saving us $30 as well!

We arrived at RQS's place at 11:30 am, and it was time to call my brother to pick me up.  He arrived at 12:30 pm, and I was on my way home with a stop at my brother's house to have lunch.  Around 3:00 pm, I was on my way home, and got there in a little over an hour.  Once I brought my bags upstairs, it was time to fall out for a couple of hours, as I needed some well earned rest....

Some random thoughts

 

Right now, I'm thinking about what will happen if Trump wins the election.  And it doesn't look good for anyone in the LGBTIQ community.  Recently, I  found a map of states which have passed "Bathroom Bills", and these tend to be the states which seem the most extreme in "traditional values".  One thing I've learned over the years is that when religion becomes too powerful (or too weak) a force in society, that society becomes more authoritarian in enforcing conformity.

Does this affect me?  You bet it does!  And it could get much worse if these religious radicals get even more power in a Trump administration.

Looking at the map, I found that my going to the loo in Florida was a criminal act.  Given that all trans people need to take bio-breaks now and then, it would be risky for me to get off a cruise ship in this state. This has placed an artificial restriction on how I visit this state - if I do visit it at all.  Just because I can still visit in stealth mode doesn't mean that I want to do this.  Instead, I'll avoid this state altogether, with the exception of when RQS and I visit her sister.

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Right now, my brother and I are looking to file paperwork to have dual citizenship with the US and one nation in Europe.  Both of us are doing this for completely different reasons.  Yet, both of us have the same goal - to have a place to escape to if the crud hits the fan in the United States.  Could this happen?  Sadly, the answer is yes.  When I see ominous parallels between this country and the Germany of 100 years ago, I get worried. Sometimes, it's just best to be able to get out of Dodge City before sundown.

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Not all is gloom and doom with me.  The other day, I had an fMRI done as part of a scientific study. Now that the study is underway, I received an Amazon gift certificate which is enough for me to replace a dying TV I have in the house.  The software I have to use on a daily basis is fun to use, albeit not excitingly so.  (I guess I am no longer into video games in the way I once was when younger.) 

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Dealing with bureaucracy can be a big pain.  Recently, as mentioned above, my brother got a bug up his behind that we needed to accelerate the progress in getting a second passport.  To do this, we need to get official copies of our birth certificates and that of our father.  I told my brother that I needed copies of our father's death certificate (I know how large bureaucracies work with official paperwork) before I went down to the city.  He forgot to send me this paperwork, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get our father's birth certificate for a few weeks.

My brother has way too much on his plate right nw, and he needs to feel that he's in control.  He told me of a problem that took 20 years to develop, and that he expects to clean it up in 2 years.  He may be able to clean up his firm's mess, but it will take longer for him (or someone else) to change the corporate culture that caused the problem.  He doesn't see that, as he focuses on the financial side of things and not the people side of things.

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RQS found a cruise to New England and Eastern Canada that we wanted to take in September.  Although I could afford to drop $1,200 on a whim, I knew that RQS spending this kind of coin now would get in her way of being able to afford next year's Alaska cruise.  After sending her some financial details, she realized that we would not be able to get the price of the cruise down to a level she could afford.  But damn!  The cruise was so near, and yet so far.

We certainly could use a cruise this winter.  I was thinking of taking a cheap MSC cruise and paying for RQS as a Christmas or Birthday present.  However, the cruises offered by MSC stop in Florida, and I certainly don't want to deal with Florida's bathroom laws while traveling as Marian.  I guess that we will need to find another trip to take early next year.

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When I bought my car, the salesman "helpfully" set up the radio presets in my car, as well as setting up my first service appointment.  One problem - I had to redo the presets to organize them the way I wanted and I had to schedule car maintenance earlier than he planned.  His "help" wasn't that helpful, as I now have a service appointment scheduled that I'll have to cancel soon.

While I'm thinking about my car, I shudder to think of how the auto companies will try to turn car features from purchase options to subscription options.  GM is trying to ditch Android Auto and Apple Car Ply, so that they can convert services provided by Google and Apple for FREE, and making the car owner pay for Maps, directions, etc when in the car.  I guess this may mean that I'll have to keep my car on the road longer than the 8 years I planned. 

Why do I want to replace my car within 8 years?  New York, like California is trying to force people to switch to EVs from ICE vehicles (EV- Electric, ICE - Internal Combustion Engine).  I want to buy what will likely be my last car while I can still get a gas powered vehicle.  I'll bet dollars to donuts that we will not have sufficient electric infrastructure in place to support the ICE->EV transition by 2035.  

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Enough for now.   I hope you enjoyed some of my thoughts.....

 

Being rudely awakened

 

This morning, I was enjoying a moment of relaxed semi-consciousness when my alarm went off to remind me to take my morning pills.  If that wasn't bad enough, my land line rang and a car salesman called to find out whether or not I was still interested in buying a new car. And then, my brother called to ask me what I thought of a house in Florida he was interested in buying to run as an AirBnb.   AARGH!

Of course, this wake-up call ruined my day.  Later on in the day, my brother called again.  Seems like he found a house that he'd like to rent out, and have me make a $100k investment with him.  He's thinking of renting the place out for a few years, and then use it as a retirement home. The last thing I want is to take this much of a risk with my money, especially when dealing with Florida real estate.  I don't know the region that well, and I don't trust the market in Port St. Lucie.  Ex-GF-M's parents used to live there, and they didn't see their house appreciate in value as much as they expected.  Even with the advent of Brightline high speed rail extending service to Orlando and Tampa, something tells me that this will not be a good bet for us.

Luckily, I remembered what George S. Moore said in his memoir, "A Banker's Life" - one should have at least 3 ways to get one's money out of a deal.  I mentioned this to my brother, and he only saw 2 ways to get his money out of this deal. So this slowed him down a bit.  I mentioned that Delaware property near the ocean might be a better bet, as it's a more mature market that would be easier to monitor while living in the New York City metropolitan area.

Hopefully, my brother won't rush into this deal.  I'm afraid that he might be in for a rude awakening if he goes through with it.  

Give some things time, and they start to sort themselves out.

 

Well - After a night of worrying, things are sorting themselves out.  My brother found the paperwork I needed, and my new accountant said that all she needed now was a copy of my 2022 tax returns.  So, I got that in order, and sent off the down payment (1/3 of predicted tax prep charges) to the accountant.

In my life, I have learned that when I'm worried, that I have to go to sleep and let my subconscious sort things out.  When I couldn't do so, such as when XGFJ and I broke up, my mind kept running in circles because the pandemic would soon get in the way of activities needed for distraction.  Four years later, I think of her now and then, but not in a pining over type of way.  Instead, she's just a milestone in life, an experience I had to go through before I was ready for RQS.

Life has a nasty habit of throwing me curve balls, and even my relationship with RQS is like an off speed pitch.  There is nothing wrong with it.  But it is something that you have to be ready for in order to get the most from it.  There are words I don't say and phrases I don't use out of respect for her.  (It's not that I'd use them often.  I'm just a little more careful because it would hurt me to hurt her feelings needlessly.)  And I'll bet that she goes the extra mile to try to keep me feeling good.

Years ago, XGFJ said that one of the reasons for our breakup (other than me being TG) was that I didn't show her enough affection, and say the little nothings she needed to hear.  I learned from that and try to make sure that RQS knows I care about her in both words and touch whenever possible.  Yes, holding hands while walking is still difficult, as the differences in our heights causes our arms to want to swing at different paces.  But we still try to do this.

Too bad that we don't teach our kids to rest on things a bit before tackling things that might be a little overwhelming.  Maybe we'd accomplish more if we took the time to think before deciding to act....

Frustrations with tax preparation

 

I got myself into this by retaining the financial tie that bound me to my brother - the old family homestead. Now, I have to get the paperwork regarding this property before the new accountant can start work.  AARGH!  This kept me up over the weekend, and my brother's unavailability is causing me grief.

- - - - - -

The other day, I dropped off paperwork with the accountant and was told that I didn't supply all the information needed.  Well, part of this was an oversight on my part.  And part of this was simply being in a rush.  Either way, I have to get things done within a month.

Now, my brother can and will make himself unavailable when he doesn't want to address an issue.  He does this with my sister in law, so that he can avoid the arguments that can and will come with a wife who is not always in control of her life.  I think he's making himself unavailable to me, as he knows that he didn't give me enough documentation so that I can go to a new accountant.

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My brother has always been a frustration to me.  As a younger child, he was coddled (as typical for younger children) and treated more leniently than I was.  (In his teenage years, he became a terror.) We were always at loggerheads, as he was trying to find his way in the world.  As an adult, he has taken on a lot of responsibility, maybe too much for me to depend on him for much.  He took on responsibility for looking after my dad in his final years, since he lived 5 minutes away from my brother.  And now, he takes care of the paperwork on the family homestead.

Although owning the house and keeping it as a rental provides me with some benefits, I'd rather not have this headache to deal with.  I don't really understand what my brother is doing, and I know that if he were to die before me, I wouldn't know what to do.  After this year's frustration, I think I will tell him that I want out of this partnership, as I don't feel in control of important things in my life anymore.  And I need that feeling of control.  The big question is - how to get this point across to him and preserve the family relationship between us?

Doing business with a new Tax Person.

 

I'm frustrated over a series of events.  For the past 40 years, I have been using the same tax preparer.  This winter, she announced her retirement.  And now, I had to hustle to find someone new.  So, I ended up reaching out to a transgender CPA I know, and was awakened to a hard fact - I've had it very easy over the past few years. Without mentioning this CPA's name, I know that she follows all the rules.  And that's a good thing for me.  I don't intend to break the law just to save a few pennies.  Privately, I will give this person's name out and make a recommendation - as I did for RQS.

Most of the information this new tax person is requesting is something my brother and I should have at hand.  Given that my brother is the financial expert in the family, I always took what he gave me and handed it to my old tax person.  Now, I have to provide more information, and have my brother explain what's going on.  I'm not looking forward to a conflict that will force me to look for a new person at the last minute.

This weekend, I had a chat with RQS and explained why I want to dissolve this tie that binds me to my brother.  I depend on him too much, and the extra complexity that owning an income producing property provides is not worth it.  Hopefully, my brother will soon feel the same way about the old family homestead.

A visit to see my brother

 

I don't get the chance to see my brother that often, and this was one time I knew he needed to talk with me. Without saying too much, he has both an important career decision to make and a decision that will affect his peace of mind.  So, I knew that I had to see him immediately after leaving RQS this evening.

Normally, I am not under any time constraints when leaving RQS's place, save that I have to be aware of alternate side of the street parking rules and on which side of the street my car is parked.  However, I knew I had to reach my brother's place by 5, so that we could get to dinner by 6.  Just as I was walking out the door, my brother called - and I told him I'd be there shortly.  

Arriving at my brother's place around 5, we chatted for a while, and then proceeded to a seafood restaurant in Oceanside, NY - Jordan Lobster Farms.  As much as I didn't need another big meal, it was hard to resist clams on the half shell, clam chowder, and a 1 1/2 pound lobster.  YUM!  We talked about many things:  career, family, friendships, and pastimes. We also talked about my uncle, who I will be visiting in April.  

All too soon, this visit had to end.  I drove back to my apartment to find several things on my doorstep, one of which was a pair of large door stoppers which I'll be using to keep my refrigerator door closed until I can properly level the device.  (Too bad I forgot about the shims my brother had saved for me back at his place.)  Although there was more that I could have brought in at the time, I left some stuff in the hall to retrieve in the morning.