Being rudely awakened

 

This morning, I was enjoying a moment of relaxed semi-consciousness when my alarm went off to remind me to take my morning pills.  If that wasn't bad enough, my land line rang and a car salesman called to find out whether or not I was still interested in buying a new car. And then, my brother called to ask me what I thought of a house in Florida he was interested in buying to run as an AirBnb.   AARGH!

Of course, this wake-up call ruined my day.  Later on in the day, my brother called again.  Seems like he found a house that he'd like to rent out, and have me make a $100k investment with him.  He's thinking of renting the place out for a few years, and then use it as a retirement home. The last thing I want is to take this much of a risk with my money, especially when dealing with Florida real estate.  I don't know the region that well, and I don't trust the market in Port St. Lucie.  Ex-GF-M's parents used to live there, and they didn't see their house appreciate in value as much as they expected.  Even with the advent of Brightline high speed rail extending service to Orlando and Tampa, something tells me that this will not be a good bet for us.

Luckily, I remembered what George S. Moore said in his memoir, "A Banker's Life" - one should have at least 3 ways to get one's money out of a deal.  I mentioned this to my brother, and he only saw 2 ways to get his money out of this deal. So this slowed him down a bit.  I mentioned that Delaware property near the ocean might be a better bet, as it's a more mature market that would be easier to monitor while living in the New York City metropolitan area.

Hopefully, my brother won't rush into this deal.  I'm afraid that he might be in for a rude awakening if he goes through with it.  

Give some things time, and they start to sort themselves out.

 

Well - After a night of worrying, things are sorting themselves out.  My brother found the paperwork I needed, and my new accountant said that all she needed now was a copy of my 2022 tax returns.  So, I got that in order, and sent off the down payment (1/3 of predicted tax prep charges) to the accountant.

In my life, I have learned that when I'm worried, that I have to go to sleep and let my subconscious sort things out.  When I couldn't do so, such as when XGFJ and I broke up, my mind kept running in circles because the pandemic would soon get in the way of activities needed for distraction.  Four years later, I think of her now and then, but not in a pining over type of way.  Instead, she's just a milestone in life, an experience I had to go through before I was ready for RQS.

Life has a nasty habit of throwing me curve balls, and even my relationship with RQS is like an off speed pitch.  There is nothing wrong with it.  But it is something that you have to be ready for in order to get the most from it.  There are words I don't say and phrases I don't use out of respect for her.  (It's not that I'd use them often.  I'm just a little more careful because it would hurt me to hurt her feelings needlessly.)  And I'll bet that she goes the extra mile to try to keep me feeling good.

Years ago, XGFJ said that one of the reasons for our breakup (other than me being TG) was that I didn't show her enough affection, and say the little nothings she needed to hear.  I learned from that and try to make sure that RQS knows I care about her in both words and touch whenever possible.  Yes, holding hands while walking is still difficult, as the differences in our heights causes our arms to want to swing at different paces.  But we still try to do this.

Too bad that we don't teach our kids to rest on things a bit before tackling things that might be a little overwhelming.  Maybe we'd accomplish more if we took the time to think before deciding to act....

Frustrations with tax preparation

 

I got myself into this by retaining the financial tie that bound me to my brother - the old family homestead. Now, I have to get the paperwork regarding this property before the new accountant can start work.  AARGH!  This kept me up over the weekend, and my brother's unavailability is causing me grief.

- - - - - -

The other day, I dropped off paperwork with the accountant and was told that I didn't supply all the information needed.  Well, part of this was an oversight on my part.  And part of this was simply being in a rush.  Either way, I have to get things done within a month.

Now, my brother can and will make himself unavailable when he doesn't want to address an issue.  He does this with my sister in law, so that he can avoid the arguments that can and will come with a wife who is not always in control of her life.  I think he's making himself unavailable to me, as he knows that he didn't give me enough documentation so that I can go to a new accountant.

- - - - - -

My brother has always been a frustration to me.  As a younger child, he was coddled (as typical for younger children) and treated more leniently than I was.  (In his teenage years, he became a terror.) We were always at loggerheads, as he was trying to find his way in the world.  As an adult, he has taken on a lot of responsibility, maybe too much for me to depend on him for much.  He took on responsibility for looking after my dad in his final years, since he lived 5 minutes away from my brother.  And now, he takes care of the paperwork on the family homestead.

Although owning the house and keeping it as a rental provides me with some benefits, I'd rather not have this headache to deal with.  I don't really understand what my brother is doing, and I know that if he were to die before me, I wouldn't know what to do.  After this year's frustration, I think I will tell him that I want out of this partnership, as I don't feel in control of important things in my life anymore.  And I need that feeling of control.  The big question is - how to get this point across to him and preserve the family relationship between us?

Doing business with a new Tax Person.

 

I'm frustrated over a series of events.  For the past 40 years, I have been using the same tax preparer.  This winter, she announced her retirement.  And now, I had to hustle to find someone new.  So, I ended up reaching out to a transgender CPA I know, and was awakened to a hard fact - I've had it very easy over the past few years. Without mentioning this CPA's name, I know that she follows all the rules.  And that's a good thing for me.  I don't intend to break the law just to save a few pennies.  Privately, I will give this person's name out and make a recommendation - as I did for RQS.

Most of the information this new tax person is requesting is something my brother and I should have at hand.  Given that my brother is the financial expert in the family, I always took what he gave me and handed it to my old tax person.  Now, I have to provide more information, and have my brother explain what's going on.  I'm not looking forward to a conflict that will force me to look for a new person at the last minute.

This weekend, I had a chat with RQS and explained why I want to dissolve this tie that binds me to my brother.  I depend on him too much, and the extra complexity that owning an income producing property provides is not worth it.  Hopefully, my brother will soon feel the same way about the old family homestead.

A visit to see my brother

 

I don't get the chance to see my brother that often, and this was one time I knew he needed to talk with me. Without saying too much, he has both an important career decision to make and a decision that will affect his peace of mind.  So, I knew that I had to see him immediately after leaving RQS this evening.

Normally, I am not under any time constraints when leaving RQS's place, save that I have to be aware of alternate side of the street parking rules and on which side of the street my car is parked.  However, I knew I had to reach my brother's place by 5, so that we could get to dinner by 6.  Just as I was walking out the door, my brother called - and I told him I'd be there shortly.  

Arriving at my brother's place around 5, we chatted for a while, and then proceeded to a seafood restaurant in Oceanside, NY - Jordan Lobster Farms.  As much as I didn't need another big meal, it was hard to resist clams on the half shell, clam chowder, and a 1 1/2 pound lobster.  YUM!  We talked about many things:  career, family, friendships, and pastimes. We also talked about my uncle, who I will be visiting in April.  

All too soon, this visit had to end.  I drove back to my apartment to find several things on my doorstep, one of which was a pair of large door stoppers which I'll be using to keep my refrigerator door closed until I can properly level the device.  (Too bad I forgot about the shims my brother had saved for me back at his place.)  Although there was more that I could have brought in at the time, I left some stuff in the hall to retrieve in the morning.

Tax Paperwork - a short post

 

Getting ready to have my taxes done is always an awkward experience.  Gathering up my forms is the easiest part of the process, save for the rental property that both my brother and I share an interest.  Given that my brother is a well paid, but overworked person, I rarely have received this last set of financials on time.

I'm glad that I'm not an accountant at this time of year.  One's person's numbers and forms would likely blend into someone else's in my mind - and I'd screw up both people's returns.  So I respect my brother a lot for starting a second career in his 40's, and doing well up to this point.  

Right now, my brother has got the weight of the world on him, and all I can do is give him encouragement.  He will soon have a lot of hard decisions in front of him, and all I can do is listen when he needs an ear, as well as remind him of what he's already accomplished in such a short time in a career.

In the end, my brother will still end up doing tax forms, if not for a large corporation, then for his family.  I wish him the best....

It's been a long while since I've been in Queens

 

It's been years since I've been to Zum Stammtisch in Glendale, Queens.  The QCLC used to go there on occasion, as it was one of the last good German restaurants in the area and we knew that all beers served there would be acceptable under the Reinheitsgebot (German Beer Purity Law).  I have enjoyed many a good dinner there from the time I was attending college, and wanted to introduce RQS to some "stick to your ribs" German food.  So, a visit to RQS's place was a perfect excuse for me to invite my brother to join us for an after work dinner.  

- - - - - -

On Friday, I started running errands in order to prepare for an upcoming colonoscopy, as well as depositing a 401K distribution in my local bank.  Now, I have enough money available to buy the new car that I put off buying due to the Covid-19 pandemic and its associated supply chain disruption.  Unlike most times I've driven to RQS's place, I knew that I had to make it to her place before 4:30 pm, as people would not be moving their cars from their parking spots until Monday.  (One can usually find a spot during the day on Saturday and Sunday.  But with a winter storm coming, no one would want to risk not having a parking spot to last the weekend.)  I was lucky - I found a spot in front of RQS's building, and there was no way I was going to leave before Sunday.

My brother arrived at RQS's place at 6:00, and we drove over to Zum Stammtisch for dinner.  My brother had been to this place once (or, so he said), but this was RQS's first time there.  So we sat down to enjoy a deceptively filling meal.  About 2 hours, we finished our meal and it was time to go home for the night.  And this was just as well, as both of us fell asleep before the 11 pm news.

- - - - - -

I have nothing much to say about Saturday, as we didn't bother to go out of the apartment for anything.  But Sunday was something else.  I had to leave, and start getting things ready for my colonoscopy prep to start on Monday.  So, I packed up my stuff and left for home with a quick stop at Stew Leonard's along the way.  Looking at the road, I noticed that NYC had been spared the brunt of the storm.  But as I crossed into Westchester, snow had stuck on the ground.  By the time I got home, I figure that there was 3 inches of the white stuff on the ground near my place.  I can only imagine what it was like further North and West of here....

Sad News, with more to come (eventually)

 

Today's post will be a short one.  But it involves sadness caused by a situation that I have no control over, and frustration because I have limited access to information.

As I have mentioned before, both my aunt and uncle are in nursing homes for the ailments of old age.  When RQS and I were in Los Angeles earlier this year, we were not able to see my uncle, as he was just told that he'd never be leaving the nursing home due to his frailness.  Today, I finally heard from my uncle, and he is in a bad way.

Last year, my uncle fell and broke his hips.  From what I can understand, he is not a candidate for hip replacement surgery.  All they could do is patch him up.  He has been in the nursing home since then.  When I spoke to him in December, he still had the voice of a man who would resume his life as soon as he was certified able to do so.  Of course, this time never came.  In June, I talked with him for 5 minutes, and he still had a tolerably strong voice.  But it was one weakened by circumstance.  Tonight, he could barely hear me on the phone, and his voice sounded like someone with no interest left in living.

He is depressed, in part, because he has no children, and because his nearest relatives live a continent away.  Neither my brother nor I can hop in a car to see him.  If we were to visit, he'd have to hop on a plane, spend at least one night in LA, and then fly home after the visit.  This is why I scheduled a California Coastal Cruise for this past June.  If he was unable to see us, we'd still have a great time on the left coast.

After our too short phone call, I called my brother to report on things.  My brother gave me another tidbit of information which I did not have.  And I asked him to relay my concerns to my uncle's agent, as I do not have the agent's name, nor do I want to be the point of contact for information regarding my uncle's affairs.  (Also, I feel that my brother knows more than he lets on, and doesn't trust me with anything.  But that's another story for another day.)  Hopefully, I'll get more information soon.  But I know that in the long term, it will only be bad news.  And I feel sad about things that eventually must come.

Earrings and other jewelry

 

One of the things that women often take for granted is getting theirs pierced as a child or young adult.  It is so much easier to wear pierced earrings, and there is a greater availability of earrings for women with pierced ears.  So, I decided to finally get my ears pierced this past winter, in order to wear the above pierced earrings I had just bought on my Hawaii trip.

Now that my ears have been pierced, I have had occasional problems with the piercings.  The holes are not the easiest to find (which can be a good thing when seeing people who have no idea that I am TG), and this often frustrates me when attempting to wear dangling things such as the earrings in the picture. With a girlfriend who accepts my nature, I feel no guilt in getting ready to go out in front of her, as she wants me to look my best in either gender presentation.

Soon, I will start accumulating jewelry to fit every mood and situation.  For example, I love the idea of wearing pearls with a little black dress on a cruise's formal night.  Not all jewelry has to be expensive or formal.  Yet, the jewelry I buy has to be tasteful for a woman of my age.  Therefore, it has to be both simple and easily coordinated with what I'm wearing that day.  In the case of the above earrings and necklace (and pendant), I made sure that these items looked good with the dress I was wearing.

Unlike most women of my age, they have had decades to develop a feel for the jewelry that works best with their personality.  I'm lucky.  Since my fingers and wrists are too big to wear some of the jewelry given to my by my former cruise partner, I have been able to avoid many of the "loud" items that would draw attention to the non-feminine parts of my body.  In short, the jewelry I wear helps me blend in, not to stand out.

Given what I've said above, I am still surprised at how hard it is to see ear piercings when the piercings are not being used for jewelry.  A while back, I went to see my brother after taking my studs out, and he didn't notice a thing.  My fears of being noticed at the wrong time weren't fulfilled.  So, for any TG readers of this blog who are afraid of piercings, don't be.  Most people will ignore tiny studs in one's ears while the piercings heal, and will not notice those piercings when the studs are out.

My brother just booked a cruise.

 

I won't go into many details here, save those which do not identify my brother in any way.  This means that I won't identify him by name, the ship he will sail on, or when he will sail.  But I can tell you about how quickly he made the decision to take his first cruise.

- - - - - - 

Yesterday, I received an email from my brother containing the cruise itinerary of one of his friends.  Given that I had no warning about this, the message took me by surprise.  Later in the morning, I found that my brother left me a message on the phone to look at this itinerary to find out what I thought about it.  So I gave it some thought and came up with the following items:

1. Sailing on a new ship costs more money than sailing on an older ship.
2. Booking airfare via the cruise line can be hit or miss.  I did well with NCL booking my air for my Hawaiian cruise, even though its choice of flights may not have been what I would have chosen. Others have reported that NCL's flight bookings left much to be desired, and often had unrealistic times between flight segments.
3. The Mediterranean during peak season is hot.  Often, temperatures stay above 40°c (104°f) for days at a time.  American travelers often stick out like sore thumbs, as we look for "American" ways to deal with the heat, and not dealing with it the way the natives do.
4. His route's cruise ports are 60-120 minutes from their associated cities.  This means that he will need to plan his shore excursions carefully.

My list was longer than this, and it included details specifically related to him and his wife.  When I called my brother, he was overwhelmed by what I was saying and made an excuse to end the call.  RQS and I fleshed out the list a little mode, along with suggestions that he view some videos made by cruise vloggers we watch regularly.

This evening, I was surprised to find that he booked this cruise with less than a couple of days of thought.  He really wanted to take this cruise.  Hopefully, he'll have taken my advice in regard to booking an internet package for when he's on the ship.  (I expect that he'll keep up to date on his commitments at home.)

I'd have recommended that he take a shorter, more local cruise before taking this cruise.  However, he has a habit of trying to bite off more than he can chew.  Hopefully, he has not done so with this cruise. We'll find out sometime towards the end of 2024.

A too short weekend with RQS

 

I've gotten spoiled.  RQS has been up here on a weekly basis, and I've enjoyed the little things she does for me - and I've told her how much I appreciate what she does for me.  Unlike my former relationships, RQS knows how I feel about her, and she's not afraid to tell me how she feels about things.  We both feel that we're fortunate to have each other in our lives.  We feel a little depressed when we have to part at the end of each weekend.

- - - - - -

Relaxation would become the theme for the weekend....  On Friday,  I was late getting to the train station to pick up RQS, and apologized  - Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa!  It didn't bother too much, as we ended up going for a nice drive before dinner.  (We had to pick up groceries, etc. before I could cook....)  Once home, we had a quick dinner and then relaxed.  It was nice to be able to spend a day in Marian Mode, as for the next 3 days, I'd have to present as Mario. 

The next morning, we slept late, and then took a long drive up to Dover Plains and back, stopping in a local supermarket for some Tipsy Scoop ice cream.  Unfortunately, they had only one flavor in the freezer, Mint Chocolate Chip, but it was good enough for our purposes.  So we went home, and I prepared some ribs for dinner. (You can guess what we had for dessert - something green....)

Sunday came too quickly, and I decided to drive RQS home.  I gave her a set of TV tables (small tables often used for eating TV Dinners in front of the TV) to get them out of my house.  But first, we went to my brother's place, as he had something he wanted to take care of with me.  The 3 of us had dinner, and then it was back to his place for a few minutes.  We then went to RQS's place, where Iwas lucky to find a spot in front of her place in which I could "almost fit" my car, and then unloaded stuff before heading home.

Being alone is such a lonely thing these days.  Now that I have someone in my life who accepts me as Mario and Marian, it is a little depressing when we separate at weekend's end.    But on the whole, I consider myself lucky.  How many TG's have given up on romance because they feel no longer date-able?  It's nice to know that I will not likely be in the dating pool again....

The handymen have arrived!

 

As I write this, the work on fixing my wall has started.  The sheet rock panel behind these tiles have been removed, and the studs and the sheet rock of the apartment adjacent to mine is now visible.  The work my brother did about 15 years ago finally failed, and the handyman gave me a simple explanation as to why it happened - we didn't mount the replacement sheet rock correctly.

- - - - - -

My brother has gone from having several dead-end jobs in his youth to being a lead financial comptroller in a multi $100mm corporation.  While raising a family, he bought a house needing a lot of TLC, and learned how to take care of all of its repairs himself - he couldn't afford any help to do most of the needed work.  Now, he's able to spend some coin to do the kind of repairs to his place that is not worth his effort to do himself.

Why do I mention this?

I give my brother a lot of credit for improving his life under a great amount of stress.  Now, he plays catch-up with his life, and I hope he's happy with the trade-offs he has had to make to get by.  I did not have to make the same trade-offs, as I was widowed almost 30 years ago, never had children, and didn't need to buy a house to "keep up with the Jones's."  Yet, at this stage of life, I wouldn't mind having some of what he has.  And he wouldn't mind having some of what I have.

It was a good thing that my dad got to see both my brother and I develop the skills to live life on our own without parental assistance.  A wise friend once said that a parent's job is to raise children so that the parent is no longer needed, but will always be wanted and always loved.  That's one thing my dad did well.

- - - - - -

One thing I learned from my dad is that some jobs simply need to be done, and others needed to be done well.  In the case of the bathroom tile wall, this time the job needed to be done well.  So I hired it out to a professional.  I could have done a crappy job myself, then need to do a bigger repair in a few years.  Instead, I spent some coin (which I am lucky to have) to do it right and to forget about it.  I hope my dad would be happy with how I make my decisions now, as I still think of what he might do had he been in my position in life.

I'm finding it hard to put the backs on my earrings - a short post.

 

Having not had my ears pierced until after I turned 65, it's hard for me to put the studs into my ears and correctly get the backs on the pin to lock the earring in place.  When I attempt to put the pin in one hole, I have trouble getting to make the pin come out the other side.  And then, it's even harder to get the little backing into place, so that the stud is locked in my earlobe. AARGH!  

Removing the studs after 7 weeks was a problem in itself.  But I did this, so that my brother wouldn't have much to talk about.  The last thing I needed would be to open up a conversation regarding my transgender nature with a brother who buys into Fox News' falsehoods.  Luckily, my sister in law never got close enough to notice the new holes in my lobes, nor did my brother pay attention to a face he's seen many times before.

Given that I irritated the lobe and caused a small amount of blood to come out (enough to discolor a Q-Tip), I figured that the piercing is healing slower than expected.  So I decided to see how my dangling earrings would look in my ears (they looked nice, but would have looked better had I was in Marian mode), and then put the studs back in.  And that was a big headache.  It took me over a half hour to get the studs through the pierced holes, and then to get the backings on.  I figure that I'll wait until month-end before I remove the studs again.

Will I wear the studs again after I give the piercings an extra month to heal?  I doubt it.  I will likely stay with jewelry that is much easier to put on and to take off - and these studs do not fit my needs.

A Cat's Health and seeing my Brother

 

I used to own too many cats.  4 cats in a 1-Br apartment are too many.  But what about 2 cats in the same space?  What happens when one of those cats die, and the older cat isn't feeling well?  That is what RQS was dealing with today.

- - - - - -

RQS had to put a cat to sleep last week, and now she's worried about the surviving cat.  Although the cat is showing its age, its health is on the decline. And today, she decided to call the vet and take the soonest appointment she can get.  Hopefully, this cat can be treated with affordable medicine, and that it will be healthy until its eventual passing away.

After RQS took care of the Vet appointment, it was off to lunch before heading out to my brother.  Traffic was still snarled due to yesterday's subway maintenance work, but we were able to avoid the worst of it to get to a diner.  It's hard for me to believe that there is a diner with a parking lot in Glendale, just 500 feet away from my favorite German restaurant, Zum Stammtisch.  But there it was, a small place with an unlit sign and a parking lot just big enough for 7 cars.  So we stopped in to eat.  Yum!  We'll keep this place in mind for Sunday mornings and afternoons.

When I dropped RQS off, it was time to visit my brother.  I figured that he wanted to show me some work to be done for the house.  Instead, he gave me some of the money he owed me.  Now, I have some play money for my upcoming cruise and for further car maintenance.  And then, we were off to dinner at Benihana. As much as Hibachi can be a fun meal, this restaurant left a bit to be desired.  First, it was over priced. And then, the confusing orders given by one party of 8 regarding food allergies and food preferences caused problems with the cooking of the food, resulting in my brother and I getting our meal 10 minutes before the rest of the table received their meals.  At least, we were able to get back to my brother's place in time for me to take care of a GI Tract issue.

- - - - - -

I may have mentioned the Dunning-Kruger effect before.  But I am surprised to find out how little my sister in law understands about how our government works, and how she blames the federal government (i.e. the President) for the organized criminals wreaking havoc in stores in our nation's large cities.  It is not the federal government's responsibility to stop crime in these cities, it is the state and local governments that are responsible.  She thinks she knows much more than she does, and blames the Democrats at the federal level for the problem. What happened to teaching how our government is supposed to work in our schools? But then, she watches Fox "News".  Need I say more?

All too soon, it was time for me to leave my brother's place and go home for the night.  My brother and sister in law hate night time driving.  As for me, I find it restful, as there are few traffic jams at this time of night, and I can get home quicker than had I left a few hours earlier.

I thought the day ended well until....

 

For the past few years, my brother has done the books and took care of the management duties for the house we rent out.  So I was glad when my brother texted me to let me know that the paperwork for 2022 taxes was ready, and that I could send it to my accountant.  I was in a good mood until I checked back on my computer and found a message from a friend's son.  His dad was killed in a hit-and-run incident, with a drunken driver leaving the scene of the accident.  If I had not texted my friend today, I'd have never known this had happened.

My former boss was one of three people that I wanted to stay in contact with after leaving the bank.  The first of these three passed away 365 days after we were both laid off in 2014.  Hopefully, he was able to collect his full pension in a lump sum payment, as he would have gotten a small fraction of that if the bank paid him the value of his ESOP shares.  The second person died about 4 years ago, and I was the only person from the bank who attended his wake.  And now, the last person has died due to some drunk's stupidity.  

Sometime this week, I expect to visit his family as they sit Shiva. Although I just had a mani-pedi, intending to spend the week as Marian, I will remove the polish and visit in Mario mode.  Neither he, nor his family knew about Marian, and this would not be the time or place to let them know.  Instead, it's the time to show respect for my friend and to try and comfort his family as best as possible.

Trying to keep on top of things - a short post

 

 

As my long time readers are aware, I am on my co-op's board of directors.  And the thing I hate doing most is paperwork - especially the type that I need to take notes for, or to record financial information.  So what happened to me?  I am now the official note taker for our monthly meetings, and have to deal with monthly minutes.  What bothers me more is that my brother is asking me to take care of all the paperwork for the family homestead, something I know I'll screw up no matter how easy he tries to make it for me.

It's hard for me to deal with paperwork, as I will gloss over things that should have been recorded and that I will misfile things in logical places.  And now, I'm trying to keep on top of things for which my actions could affect others.  AARGH!

Soon it will be time to take care of my taxes.  Hopefully, I will have overpaid enough during the period that I worked last year, so that what I underpaid from my pension will not cause me any negative tax consequences.  Next year, I can fix this issue by over withholding taxes from my social security payments.  Until then, I have to stay on top of things, so that I have enough money in the right places to pay my taxes.... 

Unused Tableware and Coincidences

Years ago, my late wife bought 28 table settings with the idea (expressed to me) that she could entertain her extended family at one sitting.  Unless someone has either a large family, or a large circle of acquaintances she entertains lately, as well as a dining area large enough to entertain them, I can't see this being a reasonable purchase. 

These place settings were purchased before I met my wife, and were never used while we were married.  About a year after she died, my girlfriend and I packed these table settings into two large Rubbermaid containers, and transported them to my brother's place for storage.  My intentions were to give these place settings to my niece when she got married.  But this was not to happen, as she got married in London and is living a minimalist lifestyle unlike that of her parents and grandparents.  These place settings ended up sitting in my brother's basement for over 25 years, and didn't need to be dealt with until now.

Recently, my brother decided to deal with long deferred maintenance on his money pit of a house.  One of the things he needed to take care of was fixing the foundation of his house and doing a fresh pour of cement in the basement of his house.  This meant that everything in the basement had to be cleared out. As a result, I decided to keep 6 place settings, and give the rest to charity.

So, I drove to my brother's place and sorted through these table settings, separating them into a set of 6 for me, and a set of 22 for the charity.  Once done with that, my brother and I went to a German Restaurant in Franklin Square.  I was looking for something tasty to eat, and I noticed the lack of Sauerbraten on the menu.  (This was the last dish my wife cooked for me before she was too weak to cook anything.)   Coincidentally, It was about this time of the year when she became too ill to go to work, and the severity of her illness couldn't be denied any longer.  My memories of my late wife were getting triggered right and left. Yet, it wasn't strong feelings of sadness I felt.  Instead, it was a feeling of letting go of the past.  Part of my wife was moving on to a (hopefully) better place.

Would my late wife approve of what I did?  Who knows?  But I'm hearing no complaints from the great beyond....

Looking back at a long Christmas Weekend

 

RQS and I have talked about going to church together for a while.  With her, I think it's a form of curiosity about where I came from, and with me, it's a form of gaining comfort from old rituals from childhood.  So I was pleasantly surprised when she said "Yes" to going to Christmas Eve services.

But first....

It's been a while since I've been to RQS's place, so it was my turn to go to her place on Friday. Considering the frigid weather we were expecting, I didn't want to leave my car at Cortlandt station and have the engine fail to turn over when we got back there on Saturday.  The weather made my mind up for me - take a cab to Croton Harmon, and then take the train into NYC from there.  As usual, getting a cab wasn't as easy as it was before the pandemic, as no one was answering the cab service's main number.  I was lucky to find an alternate number, and then get my ride to the station.

Once at Croton Harmon, I found that I missed my train. There was a lady sitting next to me, and I chatted her up to kill time.  Seems like her Amtrak train to NYP was delayed for several hours, and that she was stuck waiting for it, as she had a linked connection to Boston.  If she took Metro North to GCT, then the subway to NYP, her second trip would be cancelled.  Hopefully, her daughter was able to make the itinerary change for her, as waiting for the tracks to get cleared between Poughkeepsie and Peekskill might take several hours more.

On the way to NYC, I saw the above "ship," and was unable to identify its purpose.  A couple of people identified it as a dredge.  But why is it being held above the water line?  Do any of my readers have an idea of what this is?

It's always a pain taking the subway to RQS's neighborhood, and on this trip it was no different.  When I got off the subway to take the bus to her place.  Boy, did I hate standing in the sub-freezing weather for the bus.  Once there, it was in for the night, and dinner came from a neighborhood pizza parlor.

- - - - - -

The next day, we trekked back up to my place, so that I could pick up a cheesecake from a local bakery. It was a much nicer trip going North, than it was going South.  However, I still had a minor problem getting a taxi to take us home to drop off our bags.  Usually, there is at least one cab waiting at Croton Harmon when trains come in.  This time, we had to wait about 20 minutes - and then, the driver had car problems.  AARGH!

Our next stop, after a pause for a bio-break was Homestyle Desserts in Peekskill for the Cheesecake.  This place has been here longer than I've lived in the area, and it is still going strong.  I was glad not to have left the car at the train station, as I had to clean ice off the car before driving it the 5  miles to the bakery.  After a quick stop at the bakery, then a stop at the local supermarket, we were home for a couple of hours.  Although it was tempting to stay warm and stay home, I changed into Marian mode and we went to church together.

People at the church know me only as Marian, and that's how I want them to know me.  I present as a tall, heavy 65 y/o woman, and want to be treated as such.  RQS was pleasantly surprised that this church experience was very similar to that she experienced as a child.  I chuckled that my mother would have mixed feelings about me going to church as Marian - she'd be glad to see me in a church, but be perplexed to see me as Marian.

- - - - - -

Christmas was special - this was the first one that RQS and I spent together, and the first one that she spent with my family.  After opening our gifts at home, we got ready to go to Long Island to my brother's place.  (I'm always in Mario mode for that.)  On the way down, I picked up a last minute gift for my step nephew.  None of us think much of him, as he's wasted his life.  But it would be a shame NOT to include him in the gift giving that took place that day.  (Thank god for Dunkin Donuts' gift cards and for CVS being open on Xmas.)  Traffic moved quickly, and we were at my brother's place in 90 minutes.  The gift exchange took place shortly after we arrived, and my brother gave me a gift for which I'll have a hard time finding a place - the Marx Brothers' Movie Poster (reproduction) above.  He loves finding things on action sites, and I'm pretty sure that he knew of my love for the Marxes' movies.  

We were at my brother's place for a few hours, and made plans to see my niece and her husband in NYC this week.  It'll be nice to see them again without other family members being present, and it will be nice for RQS to get to know them better.

- - - - - -

Boxing Day was one of relaxation.  However, we decided to make an unannounced run to Pat's place to take her out to dinner.  As usual, things aren't always as expected when seeing her.  She has latched onto the one available man at the care facility, and made sure to invite him to dine with us.  So RQS and I cleaned out my car to make the back seats available for 2 passengers, then met them at her place.  Pat suggested that we eat at a place that I was unprepared to pay for.  (I could afford pizza and beer for 4 people, but not a white linen tablecloth dinner for 4.)  So I headed to a local pizza parlor (not the place she wanted) and we had a nice dinner for a very affordable price.

After dropping Pat and her friend back at her place, it was time to go home.  As usual, the Tappan Zee was jammed, so we crossed at Bear Mountain.  And then it was time for bed.....

Dealing with legal issues.

 

When my father died, my brother and I gained control of the family homestead.  We were lucky that my dad protected the house from claims from his creditors by giving the house to his 2 offspring, but retaining a life interest in the property.  In the years since my dad moved into the nursing home (and after he died), we have been trying to get around to seeing a lawyer to protect our interests in the property, so that it can be passed on to our heirs.

Recently, my brother and I finally got around to seeing the first of 2 lawyers to get proposals in how best to protect the property.  The first method we received is based on a constructive use of Trusts and an LLC (Limited Liability Corporation). We expect that the second law firm we visit will propose a similar approach.  Although my brother can set up a LLC (he does this quite often in his line of work), we agreed that if a LLC were to be set up for us, it should be done by external counsel.  This way, we won't be the ones to possibly screw things up if we have problems.

Admittedly, this is what people do when they have something valuable to protect and enough money to protect it.  I am very thankful that my parents raised us well, and that both of us have the resources and skills to provide for the rest of our lives. If anything, this is better than most gifts I could have received in life....

Closing out a weekend with RQS

 

Last night, RQS and I stopped at the local Walmart to pick up some storage containers for her apartment.  Today was the day I had to drive her and those containers home.  And it was the perfect chance to introduce her to my brother and my sister in law.

We didn't get out of the house until early afternoon, and I took the chance to show her my old neighborhood on the way to my brother's place.  Things went well, and my brother picked up some Chinese food for us to enjoy before going home.  (I ate way too much of it.)  All too soon, it was time to go, and we drove back to RQS's place.

Now, it's always hard to find a parking spot in RQS's neighborhood, and I warned her that I might have to double park for a minute to unload the car, then leave.  Luckily, we found a parking spot after 10 minutes of cruising, and we spent another few hours together before I had to drive home.

This was one weekend that neither of us wanted to end.  One wonders when "reality" will set in....