Last minute packing

 

In a couple of days, RQS and I will be heading down to Philadelphia for a few days. If it weren't for the fact that we would be seeing RQS's cousin, I'd be in Marian mode for this trip.  But to be safe, when in doubt, don't come out (of the closet).  So, I'll be leaving my wig, falsies, and dresses at home for this trip.

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I expect that soon, RQS will enjoy the comfort of staying home - as we have 4 days in Philly and 2 7-day cruises to Bermuda coming up.  By the time Thanksgiving comes, we'll both be tired of eating rich food.  And yet, we'll both do our best when Hudson Valley Restaurant Week comes in November.

We're looking forward to our upcoming trips.  I've never had the chance to explore Philly that much, as I was there with Ex-GF-M on one of her business trips, with another ex on an overnight stay, and with XGFJ on a visit to the Barnes Foundation museum.  Seeing the Mutter museum is on top of my list of things to do, as well as seeing the 30th Street Amtrak station when we get off the train.  Of course, we'll visit all the traditional tourist sites such as the Liberty Bell and the US Mint.  Yet, I'll be looking for some of the more interesting sites, such as the Eastern State Penitentiary.

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But first, I have to get my bags packed, so we can head down to RQS's place for the night.

More later....

My last day of packing, and I still can't find some things.

 

This is one trip that I'm glad to be traveling as Mario.  I don't have the right 3-season wear to travel as Marian.  And even as Mario, I  still have problems packing clothes that would take me from Summer to Winter and back during a single day.  What makes things worse, is that I misplaced (or donated) some of the cold weather gear that I bought (or was given) when I was with XGFJ.  

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My mind has been spinning in regard to what unknown unknowns could trip me up.  One of those things is what happens when we get off the plane and have to go through customs.  Another is what happens when we get to the cruise ship with different documentation requirements than I've needed for all of my other trips.  And then, there are the many currency/credit card issues that I have yet to experience for the first time.  AARGH!

Once I've gone through this experience, I'll be more relaxed for future trips.  Yet, I still have to do some research for future international trips to be taken as Marian.  When I go to Bermuda, I'll try to find out for sure whether it will be safe to go there as Marian, though my ID will say Mario.  Assuming that I end up going there as Marian, I still have a goal: To cruise around the British Isles as Marian, then return home on the Queen Mary. I'll be able to enjoy "Dressing to the Nines" and live even more of my life as Marian than I could have dreamed when I was much younger.

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But back to packing....

Now, I'm finishing up my packing.  Most of my electronic gizmos (chargers, wires, etc.) are going in my knapsack along with a week's worth of pills.  The rest of my medicine is going in my carry on bag.  I'll have a change of clothes in the carry-on, as well as enough underwear and socks for 3 days.. All of my paperwork will be stashed in the carry-on, as that will be the safest place to store them while in transit.  Once I arrive in London, I can put the passport in my trousers for when I reach customs.

Hopefully, I haven't missed anything major.  If so, I'll be writing about it soon.

Give some things time, and they start to sort themselves out.

 

Well - After a night of worrying, things are sorting themselves out.  My brother found the paperwork I needed, and my new accountant said that all she needed now was a copy of my 2022 tax returns.  So, I got that in order, and sent off the down payment (1/3 of predicted tax prep charges) to the accountant.

In my life, I have learned that when I'm worried, that I have to go to sleep and let my subconscious sort things out.  When I couldn't do so, such as when XGFJ and I broke up, my mind kept running in circles because the pandemic would soon get in the way of activities needed for distraction.  Four years later, I think of her now and then, but not in a pining over type of way.  Instead, she's just a milestone in life, an experience I had to go through before I was ready for RQS.

Life has a nasty habit of throwing me curve balls, and even my relationship with RQS is like an off speed pitch.  There is nothing wrong with it.  But it is something that you have to be ready for in order to get the most from it.  There are words I don't say and phrases I don't use out of respect for her.  (It's not that I'd use them often.  I'm just a little more careful because it would hurt me to hurt her feelings needlessly.)  And I'll bet that she goes the extra mile to try to keep me feeling good.

Years ago, XGFJ said that one of the reasons for our breakup (other than me being TG) was that I didn't show her enough affection, and say the little nothings she needed to hear.  I learned from that and try to make sure that RQS knows I care about her in both words and touch whenever possible.  Yes, holding hands while walking is still difficult, as the differences in our heights causes our arms to want to swing at different paces.  But we still try to do this.

Too bad that we don't teach our kids to rest on things a bit before tackling things that might be a little overwhelming.  Maybe we'd accomplish more if we took the time to think before deciding to act....

Now, I have some plans for more than the next couple of days.

 

This won't be a long post.  But I know how I'll be dressed for the next week or so.  And it'll be nice to spend another week solely as Marian!

In the past, I have mentioned how I use a calendar to keep track of which days I'll present as Mario and which days I'll present as Marian.  Tomorrow, RQS and I are going to the nail salon - and that means that I'll be spending the better part of next week as Marian.  Yay!  Yes, it helps that RQS will be coming up for Game Night this week.  And I'm always glad that she can spend time with the people I call my friends.

When I dated XGFJ, there were people with whom I only socialized with as Marian.  This situation made XGFJ uncomfortable accompanying me to certain gatherings.  Now that we've been out of each other's lives for a while, we've been able to live our lives without encumbrances posed by each other's comfort levels.  And that's been a blessing for me, as I prefer to be out as Marian as much as possible.

The other day, I chatted with a friend about this, and she was glad that RQS and I are in a place where she's comfortable with me in either presentation.  Yet, I know that when V-Day comes, I'll likely be in Mario mode for that night - I think she'll be happy to see me that way on that special day.  Yet, it would be nice if we could both get dressed up in elegant red dresses and spend that night on the town.  One can dream, can't she....?

Looking forward to traveling again.

 

Next year, RQS and I are planning on taking another "Bucket List" cruise, this time to the Norwegian fjords.  It'll be the last year that traditional cruise ships will be allowed into several of the fjords, so we decided to do it now and hold off on other cruises we may have taken first.

Right now, I have only 3 cruises planned, 2 of them fully paid for.  One of these cruises will have RQS and I spending 3 days in Bermuda, and the other will be an effective repeat of a cruise I took with XGFJ several years ago.  On the latter cruise, I'll be alone and presenting as a female.  Unfortunately, the one time I want to spend the money to have a portrait photo taken of me presenting as Marian, the cruise ship doesn't seem to have to have the portrait studio experience I want - something similar to what I experienced on Princess as Mario.

One of the things that excites me is the opportunity to travel and see new places.  Sometimes, I want to go back to places such as Alaska and Hawaii. And that brings me to the topic of last minute trip booking.  A while back, I started looking at last minute prices for the Hawaii cruise I took last year. And I could take the cruise portion of that trip for a very cheap price this year.  If you look at the pricing for the cruise above, you'll note that there is an important anomaly - the studio cabin is priced more than both an inside cabin and an ocean view cabin. For only $300 more than the studio cabin, the solo cruiser could cruise in a balcony cabin.  Add $1,000 for the airfare, and $500 for hotel stays,  and one could do this bucket list trip for about $3,000-$3,500, excluding shore excursions.

Although cruising is getting more expensive these days, it still can be a relative bargain.  One has to be willing to get into the nitty gritty and search for pricing anomalies like the one above.  But bucket list trips such as a Norway cruise are rarely discounted.  Hawaii prices will soon go back to normal, and I expect Alaska prices for good itineraries to be at a premium next year.  

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Not all of my travels will be by sea.  RQS and I are planning on doing another "Girls' Trip" with our friends from Texas.  Hopefully, they will be able to fit this trip into their schedules and budgets.  Shortly after our Chicago trip, I floated the idea of visiting San Francisco in the fall, given the low prices I've seen at a few hotels there this year. Some of the places I stayed in a decade ago are very reasonably priced, and I have found a few bargains that are accessible via mass transit.  We could fly into SFO, then take BART to Embarcadero, then take the Trolley (or bus) to a hotel at Fisherman's Wharf. This is a trip which deserves more time than we spent in Chicago, and may require the rental of a car for a day.

RQS and I may do another trip to Washington, DC, as well as a trip to Philadelphia and a trip to Boston. All of these cities are easily reached by Amtrak, and that helps keep our costs down.  Unfortunately, being in the Northeast poses another set of problems - it's harder for a frugal traveler to find bargains here. But if one avoids using a car and uses mass transit efficiently, one can make many a trip in this region affordable.  So don't be surprised to find me reporting on a spur of the moment trip soon....

My late wife and I had a lot in common.

 

After my wife passed, and before I met RQS, I often felt that there would be no one who could fit well into my life.  In retrospect, it is obvious why several exes and I couldn't make things work.  Add my transgender nature to the normal complications of life, and I felt that it would be a fluke to find a woman who felt comfortable with my full and authentic self.  I felt like the woman pictured above - alone, but hopeful.

Yet, after a few conversations I've had lately, including a recent one with TCL, I started thinking of one of my wife's habits.  She was a clothes horse who never pruned her wardrobe.  I, too, am a clothes horse, but one who is pruning her wardrobe.  And some of the pruning efforts have shown me that in my haste, I might get rid of things I really wanted to keep.  To give the pruning process too much thought can result in paralysis - something I've experienced when the contents of my apartment reached a critical mass.

A while back, XGFJ helped me get some order in the corners of my bedroom.  This order was lost during the pandemic.  Lately, RQS has helped me go through the clothing I accumulated and quite a few donation bags have been delivered to a local charity.  Yet, when I look at my closet, I am still finding clothes which are eligible for the next donation bag.

I'll bet that my late wife would be laughing if she could see me today.  She had clothes hanging from the molding over the doors and closets, and I have done the same thing on occasion.  Like her, I accumulated way too much, and couldn't muster enough energy to get rid of the things I no longer need, want or use.  Unlike her, I've had assistance in getting this place into order.

Would she have felt comfortable with me wearing dresses outside the house?  I'll never have the answer to that question.  Would she be comfortable living with someone who was "out"?  Again, I'll never know.  But I do know that she coped with life the best way she could, and wasn't able to reach out for the help she needed when she needed it.  Hopefully, as I get older, I'll know where to find help and be able to get it when needed....

By the time you read this....

 

By the time you read this, I will have both gone to a doctor to see about my persistent cough and have gone on my California cruise with RQS.  And I'll have much to report when I get back.

I'm not one who is comfortable going to new doctors, dealing with new procedures, etc. when it comes to my health.  So, it took a badly abscessed tooth to get me going to a dentist on a regular basis.  It took me almost getting pneumonia to start seeing my internist on a regular basis.  It took a former girlfriend to get me to see a sleep doctor. And it took a former friend to get me to see a dermatologist (who I should see again soon). As you can guess, I am nervous about going to the Doc in a Box today, and may write another post about it later on.

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Tomorrow, we'll be flying to LA for our cruise.  On our one full free day in LA, we intend to see my uncle, and then do a little of the tourist thing.  Unfortunately, many of the attractions will close at 5 pm, not giving us enough time to do more than one museum or attraction.  But then, I never loved LA.  Its sprawl befits the description, "LA is a suburb in search of a city." I prefer to be in a traditional city.

Afterward, we will go on our cruise and stop in San Francisco for a couple of days. In a way, this trip is our way of connecting with family on the West Coast. First, we'll visit the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes. RQS won't mind that, as I was with her when she scattered her husband's ashes. (Of course, we'll spend the better part of the two days in San Francisco doing the typical tourist thing.) Then we will sail off to San Diego, where we'll meet up with RQS's cousin for the day. And all too soon, we'll be home.

It's been hard to identify why I am ambivalent about taking this trip.  And now I think I've figured it out.  It will likely be the last time I see my uncle while he's alive.  It may be the last time I visit San Francisco and go where I scattered my late wife's ashes.  It may be the last chance that RQS gets to meet her older cousin.  In short, it's a trip with a set of "Lasts" that is giving me a sense of sadness before it begins.

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A while back, FCP criticized me, saying that I had nothing going on in my life. (I take this slightly out of context, as I don't want to rehash old wounds.)  I think she'd now say that I have a life of my own. It's far from perfect, but it's my life and I'm living it.

RQS makes me glad that she's in my life.  Unlike Ex-GF-M, RQS is willing to try new things when with me.  She is willing to get a little lost along the way, and explore what serendipity brings to us.  Unlike XGFJ, she's willing to force the issue and make me tell her how I feel.  And unlike my relationship with Patty, our relationship is built on solid ground - we both feel secure.  It's a shame that it took me almost 25 years to find a relationship that really works for me. But as they say, "you've got to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince(ss)."  

Seeing another friend for dinner

 

RQS knows that I have more female friends than male friends, and most of them know me as Marian, even though they know of Mario's existence. Today, I visited one of those friends.

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RO and I have known each other for several years.  We once dated each other, but things didn't work out. When we stumbled across each other a few years later, we developed a friendship and kept in loose touch with each other.  I had my relationship with XGFJ while RO got married to a nice gentleman.  

The last time I met RO in person was last September.  Neither of us realized how long it had been, as both of us had been busy living our lives since then.  RO has retired, while I have taken 3 cruises, as well as a trip to Washington, DC since then.  So we had a lot to catch up on over an early dinner at the same Italian restaurant we've eaten at before.  Both of us have the ailments that come with getting old, and I was reminded of why things didn't work out between us. (I didn't want to be with someone who would have similar health problems as Ex-GF-M was having, and Ex-GF-M's death proved me right.)  Yet, we could be good friends, especially given that RO is a warm and caring person.

All too soon, dinner had to end, and I had to drive home. We agreed to eat at Fuddruckers down the road a piece.  Neither of us like dropping $75 on dinner when we're living on a budget.  So next time, dinner will be much more affordable, and much more casual.  And for me, this will be the first time I will be eating at a Fuddruckers since the last of the New York State (New York City region) restaurants closed years ago.

Considering that I wanted to look at some clothes at Lane Bryant, I took the long way back home through Paramus.  While on the road, I told TCL about another dress store that RQS and I have visited: Karina Dresses. And she looked up the dress pattern that made me think of TCL when I saw it.  Sadly, the dresses were not available in her size for the fabric pattern she liked.  But she will keep an eye on the site for future dresses she might enjoy wearing.

When I got to Lane Bryant, I tried on a couple of dresses.  One was in a pattern and style I liked, and if I didn't have one being shipped to me soon, I would have bought it at the store.  The other left a lot to be desired.  So I left those dresses at the store, and went home for the evening.

Thinking of taking a short trip to Atlantic City for its cheap midweek rates

 

RQS and I have discussed taking care of a personal errand somewhere on the New Jersey coast.  But most of the good places to stay are way overpriced for this time of year.  So I had a thought: Why not stay in Atlantic City overnight and save a few dollars?  There are some good places to eat near the casinos, and we could be wide awake when we took care of our errand.

Assuming we take this trip, we'll be taking advantage of a midweek special, where the hotel part of the complex is giving away the rooms to make a few extra dollars.  There is no way that I'd pay to stay in Atlantic City on the weekend, as a room I could get for roughly $50+tax could cost me over $300+tax. Ouch! The big question which I might have asked would be whether I would travel as Marian or as Mario. But I think it would be best for me to travel as Mario, so that I can avoid possible complications with hotel/casino security.  Could I change while in the room?  Yes.  But why bother?

I have gone to Atlantic City several times in the past.  Once with a former GF from Staten Island, and two/three times with XGFJ.  Most of the time, gambling bores me.  So, on the last trip with XGFJ, I was in the room reading a book when she came to the room escorted by security.  She had won $7,500+ at a slot machine, and didn't want to get mugged on the way to the room.  As for me, I was happy for her. But I simply didn't want to allow myself to get used to sitting in front of a one armed bandit and letting it suck money from my wallet because I got into a zone.

So what do I expect from this trip?

RQS and I will get to Atlantic City in the evening, have dinner, and go to bed.  The next morning after breakfast, we'll drive to Ocean Grove and take care of an errand before returning home.  I expect that we will have a nice time, and that RQS will finally take care of something she was unable to take care of before.  Yet, there is not much that will get me to go to Atlantic City again, as there is little to do except to gamble in this seaside resort town.

Valentine's Day Cards - a short post

 

A while back, I lost a Valentine's Day card I had bought for XGFJ.  (No, it was not the card above.) So I ended up buying her another card, relatively neutral in sentiment, as I wasn't sure about our relationship at the time.  Later on, I found that this was a problem for her, given things said by my former cruise partner in an angry exchange of words. So, my original card was lost in the mess on my desk until recently.

The other day, I decided to look for this card, as I would be spending Valentine's day with RQS, and thought that the card I originally bought for XGFJ would be perfect for RQS.  I found this card, intact and ready to be used.  (I'm glad that I didn't write anything in the card, as I would have had to go and find something I liked just as much.)  

Would you use an unused Valentine's Day card if you bought it for use with a former love, but now use it with a current love?  It's certainly not an engagement ring which should be sized for a woman's fingers.  So, is this being cheap?  Or, is this being frugal?

A friend invited me to a Broadway play.

 

Recently, I got together with Vicki #2 to have a bite to eat, and a drink to go with it.  It was nice to see her again, as we hadn't gotten together in months.  I said that if she ever had a mid week break in her routine, that she should call me, so that we could get together.  That call came the other day....

Although Vicki has seen me once as Mario (I was with XGFJ at the time), she knows me as Marian, and that's the way I always go to see her.  It's pleasant to get together with a person who knows and accepts my authentic self, and I was pleasantly surprised when Vicki invited me to see a Broadway play.  At the time I'm writing this entry, Broadway theaters are having a half price sale, and she was able to snag orchestra tickets for $80.  Since this was in my price range, I said 'Yes' and we proceeded to set a time and place to meet.

I wouldn't have chosen this play.  But I'm always open to new experiences if they do not take me too far from my comfort zone.  So I'll reserve judgement until I've had the chance to see the play.

Sometimes, I wonder what some people are up to.

 

Sometimes, I wonder what some people from my past are up to these days.  With some people, like FCP, I will likely never know, and it doesn't bother me much.  With others, like FH and MWL, I don't mind knowing, but I don't try to find out much.  And with others, I try to keep in some contact, and learn about their lives through the filters of friendship.

Occasionally, I think of FCP, and quickly put her out of my mind.  She left enough breadcrumbs around for me to know what she and her family was doing without me doing any research.  The last time we were in contact, she was upset at me, because I sent a "Congratulations!" card to her son and daughter in law to celebrate the birth of their son. And then, she wanted to rub in the pain of the loss of a friendship by showing me more pictures of this son as if I'm estranged family.  Without knowing even the name of this son, how could I miss someone who wasn't even a part of my family?  But I think she has deeper scars than I do, and that dwelling on this part of my past doesn't help at all.

A few weeks ago, I was finally able to get in contact with Pat (my former hypnotist).  I would have thought that she (or her daughter) would have contacted me to let me know that she was moving to a care facility.  Once I found this out, I made it a point to visit her there, and to get her out of the facility for a bite to eat now and then.  This past visit, she invited her new boyfriend out to eat with RQS and I, and "expected" that we would take them out to a restaurant of their choice instead of mine.  Although I would later find out that their place wasn't that expensive, it still would have cost me 3 times what it cost to go to the pizzeria we went to.  RQS and I agreed that Pat doesn't realize that the little impositions she makes without thought are the same things which can alienate her from friends and family.

MWL and I have maintained very loose contact since I started dating RQS.  She will occasionally initiate contact to catch up on things and to let me know about the developments in her life (such as turning her storage room into a finished living room).  Given that we went nowhere in our relationship, and that we had little chemistry between us, I will not try hard to maintain contact.

Every so often, FH pops up to say hi.  She's seeing someone now, but I'm not sure of how well it's going, considering that she is in contact with me.  The last time we communicated, she sent me a picture of a status symbol handbag that a "special person" gave her.  When I mentioned this to RQS, we chuckled.  We both knew that if I made the mistake of bonding with this woman, that the relationship would have been a slow motion train wreck.

Yes, I still communicate with XGFJ now and then.  And her life has continued with the same routine that it followed when I was in it.  This relationship would have been another train wreck had it not ended, as she is incapable of communicating her needs, nor is she able to make the compromises needed to make a relationship work.  (I refer to incidents we had where it was a non negotiable requirement that we be with her family on the holidays.  I wonder if this is still true with the fellow that she mentioned seeing a while back.)  I wish her the best.  Yet, there will always be a part of me that wishes that I didn't waste 5 years of my life dating her.

On better and worse notes, I still am in contact with Vicki #2 ("Short Vicki").  It's good that we are in contact with each other.  But she has only had sad news to report lately, as one of her family is very ill and needs constant care.  If I were to say "hopefully, it'll be over soon", that could be taken as wishing some relief for her, or hoping something sad will happen.  So I say very little, and let her do most of the talking.  Hopefully, we will be able to get together for dinner soon, and catch up on things.

I haven't had much to say about BXM these days.  She's doing well, and has settled down into domestic life with her boyfriend.  It'll be nice to see her again, but she's not the type I easily warm up to.  It takes me a while to get into sync with her when we chat, and it's because we come from different worlds.

It'd be easy to go on and on about people who pop in and out of one's life.  Once one has a steady relationship, it subtracts one or two people from the wider circle of friends I might be visiting if I didn't have a girlfriend.  Although it's a normal and good thing, I still wish there were enough hours in the day to see these people, and money in the wallet to afford to have dinners with them.

Stone walls don't a prison make, nor iron bars a cage

As we age, we begin to see many of our friends enter assistive care facilities.  Sometimes, as in the case of XGFJ's mother, little assistance is needed to live a rewarding life.  In the case of my father, much more assistance was needed because my dad was no longer self ambulatory.  Like my father, some people prosper when in the right assistive care facility, as they can resume the socialization denied them by their former isolation.  But in the wrong facility, a social person can feel imprisoned.

When I visited Pat, I noticed how sterile and empty her new place seemed.  Save for the receptionist at the front desk, the place was devoid of people.  There was a small area to the right of the reception desk where kids could play, but I wondered - how many people are bringing very young kids to see their elders in nursing homes these days?  I rarely saw them when I visited my dad, and thought that this room was there more for show than anything else.

RQS and I walked to the elevator and got off on the 3rd floor. I was surprised at how quiet this place was.  Looking to my left, I saw another reception desk in front of us, this one being empty.  In another nursing home, or a hospital, it would be staffed by nurses in charge of patient care.  In this place, it looked like it was set up for a different kind of care facility, but left unused as it wasn't apparently needed to service the patients currently housed in this building. So, we walked down the aisle to Pat's room, knocked on the door, and were greeted warmly.

Pat and her daughter visited several care facilities before choosing this one.  It must have been heart wrenching for her to dispose of many of the things she accumulated over the years.  There was almost nothing from her old life present in the room.  The room was almost as sterile as the hall outside. And this said that this room was not "Home" for Pat.  It was simply a place to stay.

Unlike my dad's nursing home, Pat's place didn't seem to have the on-site services that my dad's place had.  For a place doing some of its business as a memory care center, I found it amazing how few safeguards were there to keep memory care patients from wandering off site.  People like Pat were tasked to find their own transportation to off-site doctors - and possibly get dropped off at the wrong sites with no one to help them get where they need to go.  Yet, they are prohibited from leaving the facility's grounds - even for a healthy walk.  Go figure.

The economics of nursing homes in the United States appalls me.  Like our prisons, many are places which have evolved to warehouse people who have no economic value to the larger society.  (I will not go into prison economics here, save that the "for profit" sector has very little incentive to treat inmates with the full respect that most humans deserve - something it has in common with nursing homes.)  As America ages, "for profit" nursing homes have sprung up, many with the goal of raking in as many Medicare dollars as is possible.  Service quality is not a major factor.  If it was, I'd see more evidence of "enrichment activities" than I did in Pat's facility.

Pat noted several things I won't mention here.  Let's say that one has to take what she said with a grain of salt - even if what she said rang true in my ears.  Without people to socialize with, Pat is now a lonely person with few ways of dealing with her feelings. In short, this place is a prison for her, a cage without bars.

 

Things are starting to get serious

 

Have you ever read the passage from "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that reads:

 The time has come,' the Walrus said,
      To talk of many things:
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
      Of cabbages — and kings —
And why the sea is boiling hot —
      And whether pigs have wings.

Well, to some degree my life has been like that as of late, as RQS and I have discussed the subject of me being transgender.  And I've let her know (in no uncertain terms) that I will not make any body changes that would get in the way of our romance.  But this sounds much more serious than the conversation we had. 

One of the things we can laugh about is my preference for presenting as a female and enjoying as much of my life as possible as one.  She is comfortable going to restaurants with me this way, as she sees the same person when I present as a male and when I present as a female.    RQS enjoys going shopping with me in female mode, as it is another activity we can share with each other.  But there is more to this relationship than laughter.  We seem to be able to read each other's mind at times.  Even with incomplete information, we seem to understand what the other is trying to say.  And, even more importantly, she is comfortable raising troublesome topics with me before they become major irritants.

Neither of us are sure of what our long term living arrangements will be.  But we are comfortable talking about arrangements for travel that will take place a year from now.  This feels much better than the relationship I had with XGFJ, as we both assume that we have a future together - and talk about it. It's a damned shame that I had to through the hell I experienced 3 years ago to get where I am now....

It's amazing how 3 years of time changed things.

 

It's hard to believe that it's been 3 years since XGFJ broke up with me. Unlike FCP, XGFJ is not angry with me, and this is a good thing.  Although FCP was at the wedding of XGFJ's son, this friendship was not meant to last long.  They only thing they had in common was me, and that was not a good enough connection for 2 people to maintain a friendship.  (I won't go into details about what each of these 2 people said about each other, but what they did say gave me the information I needed to find a sense of closure to the ending of both relationships.)

Sometimes, I find myself thinking about my past and the mistakes I made with XGFJ.  Yet, they were unavoidable - people have to effectively communicate their wants and needs in a relationship to get them.  Goodwill breaks down when effective communication doesn't occur.  Right now, XGFJ and I have goodwill, though our relationship has ended.  I can't say the same for FCP, as she can never forgive me for exposing too many of her inner feelings to the outside world.  Nor can I give her a hall pass for yelling at me, when calmer communication would have given her what she wanted much quicker and with fewer headaches.  

But I digress....

Since the end of these relationships, I have been able to establish a friendly communications channel with XGFJ.  Recently, she sent me a message that she was finally enjoying her long planned (and postponed) vacation in Greece. Although Greece is not a place I have on my bucket list, I might have gone with her if we were still in a relationship and we were able to include each other in activities with our friends.  Hopefully, the rest of her trip will go well, as I expect that we will be out of touch until I get back from Hawaii.

Rebuilding a social network takes time, especially after a pandemic.  I'm at the stage where I have to pick and choose who I want to see and how I spend my money to be with them.  Obviously, RQS is my highest priority.  I still see FH when our schedules permit.  But that's not often anymore. I'm still in loose contact with MWL, but we don't have much to say to each other either.  Although I still go to meetups, they are not as important to me as they used to be.

In many ways (but not all), RQS has it better than I do.  She is confident in herself, and actively pursues things that nurture her.  She keeps busy with her hobbies, and still finds time to be with me - as if I'm one of the (formerly) missing pieces in her life's puzzle.  It's a good thing for both of us that we have a relationship, and I hope it keeps growing as time goes on.  

Yet, I still wonder....  Will I ever need to rebuild my connections again?  And if so, will it be possible, given my age at the time?

I'm counting the days until my next trip.

 

As much as I'd like to be taking my next trip in female presentation, I'll take it as a male because RQS is traveling with me.  This is not the trip I would have made for a first choice, as I would have preferred to go somewhere new.  However, RQS saw a bargain, and we jumped on it.

Going somewhere at the end of a season often means that many attractions, stores and restaurants that cater to tourists will be closed.  It can also mean that one gets a chance to see what a town is like when most tourists are gone and only locals remain.  To me, I've found that going somewhere off-season can be just as enjoyable as going to a place in-season.

Years ago, my late wife and I stayed at her boss' oceanfront house in Bridgehampton.  It was Thanksgiving week, and we had the place to ourselves.  All the rich people were gone, having vacated their summer digs for places in warmer climes. This left us enjoying the area, interacting with the locals.  This was much more enjoyable than had we been there during the busy season.  The year before XGFJ and I broke up, we traveled to Lake George and Bolton Landing for a weekend away from home.  When we left Lake George for the Sagamore, we were able to spend a romantic weekend in the "North Country" unencumbered by throngs of tourists.  These are the types of trips I enjoy most - trips where I can get away from the world and chill out.

Soon, I'll be on my next trip and I expect that RQS and I will be able to chill.  Hopefully, she's enjoying it as much as I do....

A last minute dinner with a friend

 

I found the above Garfield comic on the internet today, and felt it captured the spirit of today's dinner with a friend.  But first....

- - - - - -

Last night, I found that the scanner on my "all-in-one" scanner/printer stopped working when I tried to scan documents needed to be given a $100 cruise credit by the cruise line's shareholder relations department. Today, I started tearing apart boxes of stuff I stashed behind my loveseat to find the single purpose scanner I used to use.  After making a total mess in my living room, I found the scanner and tried to install it on my computer.  Unfortunately, there were no Windows 10 drivers for the scanner, and I ended up tossing the scanner in the trash.  

Once I was done with scanning futility, I decided to get showered and dressed to have dinner with my friend from the meetup group, MAR.  This woman is young enough to be my daughter, and works in a services field.  (I don't want to say too much more about what she does for a living here.)  We discussed many a thing, including my upcoming cruises.  And she surprised me by asking if she could come along with me on one of my less expensive trips.  (This woman has never traveled.)  There is no way I'd do this while seeing RQS, and I wouldn't ruin my relationship with RQS to do so.  (I wonder if my cruising with FCP negatively affected my relationship with XGFJ.  If so, I don't want to make that mistake again.)  I told MAR that if we were to do so, she'd find out much more about me than I think she'd like. (I've never mentioned that I am transgender to her, and I think that she believes that I am a cisgender female. Why ruin that image?)

So why did I mention Garfield and lasagna?  Like the cartoon cat, I love lasagna, and polished off a large portion at dinner.  Yum!  We may have lost a good pizza shop in town, where one could get a quick slice.  But we have a good Italian joint in its place, where I have never had a bad sit down dinner.

Finally, a day back in Marian Mode

 

Since RQS was sick today, I decided to spend the day in Marian mode and do things I wouldn't likely be doing with her - such as going to church on a Sunday morning.  And it was a refreshing break from the routine weekend that I enjoyed, but won't say much about to her.  (I don't want to have her feel that I'd rather be doing things alone than to be with her.  XGFJ and I did too much alone for our own good, and I don't want to make the same mistakes in this relationship than I did in my past one.)

- - - - - -

My alarm was set for 8 am, and that gave me enough time to regain consciousness and make a simple decision - do I want to get dressed and go to church.  For me, going to church means getting dressed in my Sunday best.  So, it was on with my bra, etc., and I put on my stockings like a traditional woman would before going to church.  It was nice to see some familiar faces at the church, as I haven't been to any services since I dated XGFJ about 3 years ago.

Shortly after church (and coffee), I drove to a local diner for breakfast, and then went home for a nap.  Vicki was next on my schedule, and I knew I needed to rest before dinner.  (I was surprised to find that I fell out for a couple of hours before waking up again.)  Then, it was a chance to watch some videos before meeting Vicki for dinner.

I was on-time, while Vicki was late.  This is the opposite of what usually happens, and I was glad that our usual scenario didn't play out today.  We met at a hole in the wall place called Brothers Fish and Chips, and proceeded to order dinner.  I had a big bowl of soup, followed by salmon over a black bean sauce.  Vicki had the fish and chips.  Both of us felt the same way about the meal - the quality was very good, but the price was excessive for what one gets.  Next time, we'll try another place at the other end of Ossining.

After dinner, it was time for me to pick up some goods from Wegman's.  I was lucky to be driving through Briarcliff Manor when I did - it looked like some construction work would soon start on the overpass that connects Route 117 to Phelps Memorial Hospital.  Shopping at the supermarket was a non issue, and I had the chance to chat with RQS on the way home.  She said that she wouldn't be surprised to find out if what she has is a mild case of Covid.  If so, then I was luckier than her, as I felt better than I usually do when I have the flu and was only weak for 3 days or so.

Cruising issues

 

I don't want to belabor something that frustrated me today - billing issues from my doctor's office caused by the office sending paperwork to the wrong insurance company.  So I'll talk about something more pleasant, and deal with this issue tomorrow....

- - - - - -

 

The above cruise route has already been changed to deal with the problem at Skagway.  Many ships originally scheduled to port at Skagway are now going to other Alaskan ports due to multiple rock slides making it unsafe to use the Railroad Dock.  Hopefully, they will be able to stabilize the land above the dock before next year's cruise season.

Skagway is my favorite port in Alaska.  The White Pass & Yukon Railroad is a must for any Inside Passage trip.  And I'd like to take this train again, if I can find a way to get to Alaska on another cruise.  However, I had no intentions of taking this "2 bucket list trip" cruise, and coming back with Covid-19 as my souvenir. (I also did not want to pay a high price for airfare, given both the high cost and inconvenience of air travel this year.)  Now, with the Railroad Dock unavailable to most cruise ships, ships are either stopping at Haines or Icy Strait Point, or they are adding an extra Sea Day to their cruises.

Assuming all goes well with my current relationship, I expect that we will be in Alaska and/or Hawaii sometime in the next few years.  Will we take a repositioning cruise like the one in the route map at the top of this entry?  Will we take a Hawaii cruise (from the West Coast or from Oahu?)  Will we take an Alaska cruise (Inside Passage or Northbound/Southbound to/from Denali)?  RQS has never taken what I'd call a bucket list trip, and it would be nice to share one with her.

- - - - - -

Thinking about what is going right in my relationship with RQS makes me think about what went wrong in my previous long term relationship.  Strangely enough, learning the things that bothered XGFJ have made it possible not to make those mistakes with RQS.  All XGFJ needed to do was put me on the spot and make things clear.  Instead, she decided to take the "easy" way out and hint to me what her needs were - dooming the relationship via a lack of effective communication.  Yes, there are other issues I see in the rear view mirror. But I put the blame for our relationship's failure with a lack of effective communication - a mistake I intend to prevent myself or RQS from making in our current relationship.

There is one problem with retirement other than money....

 

I have touched on this theme before - if I have no reason to get up in the morning, I simply do not do so.  And I've been doing this a lot lately, as I have no energy to get up and do things.

Since I decided to stop working, I have only gotten up early if I had something to do.  Otherwise, I'd wake up late and stay up late.  There is no routine I have to follow, and I am much more relaxed.  Yet, I'm afraid of becoming a couch potato like my dad was, and then being unable to take care of himself in his old age.

- - - - - -

Last night, I chatted with RQS and she said that she needed another pedicure and asked if we could go to the nail salon when she arrives for the weekend.  Since I wanted to get my nails done as well, I said that if we did so on a Friday, I'd have to be in Marian Mode all weekend.  Knowing that she likes to see Mario, I figured that this would get her to think about doing the pedicure on Sunday before she leaves for her place.

Even though it is left unsaid, I know I am walking a tightrope as I expose RQS to my Marian presentation.  I always want her to know that Mario is always there for her, no matter how I'm presenting at the moment.  One of the things I learned as I examined the failure of my last relationship is that we didn't communicate enough.  XGFJ always thought that a hint would be enough for me to know what is going on in her head, while I knew that important things had to be bluntly stated.  In my current relationship, I make sure to "reward" RQS for speaking her mind - especially if it's not an easy thing to say.

So far, encouraging RQS to be open with her feelings has worked for me, as well as the slow approach I've taken to getting her used to my Marian presentation.  Hopefully, things will keep working out well for the two of us - she's a good reason for me to enjoy waking up in the morning in retirement....