With certain exceptions, I am most comfortable with women.

 

If I could have been the woman in the picture above, there would have been no stopping me.  This version of me would have been very confident in her shoes (preferably low heels) and unafraid to tackle any challenge put forward to her.

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As you can see, I've been playing around with ChatGPT a little to figure out what a cisgender female version of me would have looked like. This is the "should of" version of me that could not have been due to when I was born and the life is was born into.

Even as a child, I was more comfortable with women, although I received the typical male programming.  Yes, I played with wax molded "action figures" (think of wax GI Joes cast in plastic molds) when I was in lower grade school. But I was equally comfortable playing hopscotch with the girls up the street.  You can guess what would happen when puberty hit the children of my generation.  No longer would boys and girls see each others as equals - the social customs related to reproduction came into play.

If I were born with XX Chromosomes, I likely would have been a girly girl, modeled as such by my mother.  What she didn't know was that I wish I could have been born with those XX chromosomes, even with the adult knowledge of how inconvenient a female body could be.

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One of my friends described me as her straight gay best friend.  What she meant by that is that I have a gender preference for females, but have many of the interests of a gay male (theater, music, arts, etc.) in our culture.  (This woman is married to a stereotypical male - nice looking body, but not too much brain in the head.)  

When I present as a male, the first thing women think if I offer friendship is whether I am interested in them sexually.  I can't blame them: our culture doesn't provide well for cross-gender friendships.  It also doesn't help that male primates (save for the Bonobo apes) tend to be male dominant.)  So, presenting as a female puts me on a more equal plane with women - especially if I can blend in enough for my masculine features not to be noticed.

Life isn't always fair, but we have to make the most of it.  At least, as a transgender person I can do so as long as hateful people stay out of my way....