Another day down, and I did nothing of note (a quick post)

 

I enjoy the days where I have nothing that I absolutely have to do.  Today was one of those days.  Could I have done my laundry?  Could I have gotten dressed and gone out?  Could I have finished my paperwork for a second passport?  The answer is NO to all of these questions.

 

After having to run to Long Island and back, it was time to relax - today was that day.  I'll be out as Marian for the next two days, and then I'll be in Mario mode for the better park of a week.  Two days of this will be spent with RQS, two days will be spent at the family homestead, and another day will be spent at the co-op's open shareholder meeting.

 

Rest was the order of the day, and they only thing I did was to shower to feel fresh.  And then it was back in my jammies for the rest of the day.  At least, I'll have two days out as Marian before being stuck as Mario for a while....

Game night: Pleasant, but not exciting (A short post)

 

The most interesting thing on today's docket was game night in Yonkers.  But that's not as exciting as it used to be, as there are fewer and fewer people coming to these bi-monthly sessions.  Part of this is due to the event being taken off the formal Meetup schedule.  And another part is that many of the people who used to attend have found new things to do on Thursday nights.  Soon, I'll have to start looking for new things to occupy my Thursdays, as there are fewer reasons for me to attend any more.

Tonight, I had to hunt for something to wear from my closet.  I have a small number of winter dresses that I can wear as tunics over leggings.  And I had some trouble finding one of them.  But I did find one, and made it out the door in time to fill up my gas take and still make it to Yonkers before the first game of the night.

It was a nice excuse to present as Marian and enjoy myself.  But soon, I expect that this venue will be gone, and I'll have to find something else I can do during the week.  Do I want to volunteer again?  I'm not sure.  My skills were poorly used when I volunteered at one place, and I'm not sure if I want to do it again.  I'd like something more social in nature, but what should I do?  At least I have some time to figure it out.

Upcoming Repairs in two buildings

 

The other day, my brother and I worked on doing a power wash of the foundation on one side of the family homestead. The sickly shade of green is (to the best of our knowledge) is the third layer of paint applied to these walls in the 84 years since the house was built.  While doing the power wash, my brother pointed out pitting on the walls, as well as a crack that needed repair.  And then we got to talking about plumbing issues that needed resolution, the most important of which was the need to have the water heater replaced.  So guess who is driving to Long Island to be there when the plumber arrives?  Me, of course.

I really don't mind driving down to Long Island for work on the house.  What I do mind is that I'll have to be there as Mario, and not as Marian.  And there's nothing I can do about this, given that I'm not going to out myself to my brother, his wife, or my nephew. So, I scheduled another weekend at RQS's place, where I can fix a problem that has existed with RQS's bed since the day it was installed.  

About a year ago, RQS bought an adjustable bed frame when she bought her new mattress.  Unfortunately, the installers gave her a problem about removing the old mattress and bed spring, as well as taking shortcuts in the installation of the new bed frame and mattress. The men claimed that the mattress needed a day or two to breathe before putting on the "bed protector" (think of a mattress protector that envelops the entire mattress on all sides, top and bottom), they didn't bother to install the mattress retainer bar, they didn't give her the manual for the adjustable frame, and they didn't explain what the extra box of parts were for when they departed.  Luckily for her, I bought the same exact bed that she has, and know what has to be fixed and how to do it.  So, this will be another task that can be accomplished on this trip to Long Island.

As you can guess, I try to accomplish more than one thing on each visit to Long Island when I can.  First, it costs me roughly $13-14 to cross an East River bridge each time I go through Queens.  And then, I have a hard time finding a parking spot whenever I use my car to visit RQS.  Although I grew up on Long Island, I wouldn't mind not having to go there again.  It is no longer my home.

 

I have to resist temptation these days.

 

In this uncertain age, I am easily tempted to write more about the crap that is going on in Washington, DC, and what is happening in my life as a transgender person.  It's all too easy to write about the breakdown in the administration of Law and Order, as evidenced by the actions of the Orange Snowflake, his cabinet, "his" congress, and his MAGA supporters.  These people are eager to make us transgender people the first of many whipping girls for the crimes being committed by his regime.  Yet, given how boring a non-op transgender person's life can be, I could easily go on for hours writing about politics, something I don't intend for this blog to be about.

Like many women, I enjoy shopping for, and buying new clothes.  My late wife would be amazed to see how many dresses I have fit in to what was her side of the closet. She'd probably tease me a little and then choose a dress for me to wear out - except when celebrating our wedding anniversary.  It's been almost 30 years since she passed away, and I still miss her presence.  No, I'm not putting her on a pedestal.  She had serious faults.  But I liked her as a person, and I miss the things that attracted me to her.

If I felt that I looked good in female clothing other than dresses, I'd have loaded up my closet with these garments.  Assuming that I lose a dress size or two, I will likely build a more varied feminine wardrobe which includes nicer tops, skirts, and trouser like garments. My ideal life would be to be able to go out in anything from my closet or dresser and only be seen as a woman and not a trans-woman. And this would include being able to travel, present my documents, and have no one hassle me on account of any gender marker on my documents.

This leads me back to politics.  The GOP doesn't give a damn about how it treats transgender people. The GOP congress has written rules for the capitol building which prevents a representative from Delaware from relieving herself in the facilities meant for women.  Should Sarah McBride suffer the indignity of being forced to use the men's room for her bio-breaks?  No.  But this is what the GOP thinks is important right now.

Months ago, my congressional representative, Mike Lawler, NY-17, said that he'd oppose any attempt to harm social security.  Yet, once the "DOGE" department started to decapitate Social Security, all we heard was crickets - he won't oppose anything being done to harm his constituents.  You can guess who is not getting my vote when next he runs.  Strangely enough, he may be looking to run for governor next year.  I hope we have someone strong running against him, with all the financial resources needed to retire him before he can cause even more damage to my district.

My goal is to be able to live as Marian full time and to be able to travel as Marian whenever I want.  Although I'll talk to people who support the GOP, I won't trust them to do the right thing when it counts. So, I'll have to do what I can within the law to stop them from taking away my human rights....

I have my new bed!

 

Bed, n. - A platform on which to sleep, have sex, read books, or watch TV.  Which do you think I do most?  I'll give you a clue - I'm coming close to watching all 270 episodes of the original Perry Mason series.

Why do I start off with the definition of a bed?  Well, I had to get up early, so that I could shower and get dressed as Mario for the delivery.  However, I did all the shaving that I knew I'd need to do to switch into Marian mode after they left.  This meant that I was up and showered by 8 am, eating breakfast by 9, and resting on my sofa until noon.

Shortly after noon, I received a text saying that the deliverymen would be here in 15 minutes.  So I made myself presentable and walked downstairs to greet the men.  A few minutes later, they were removing my old mattress and bed spring, and assembling the adjustable base on which the new mattress would sit.  A few minutes later, they brought the new mattress in and made sure that everything was working before they left.

Now, I have the same bed and mattress as RQS.  I think that the people who delivered her bed rushed through the job, as they did not attach the "footer bracket" to the bed frame.  As a result, her mattress keeps sliding to the foot board of her bed.  (I might be able to take care of this issue when I visit her this weekend.) Luckily, I noticed that the bracket was properly attached to my bed frame, and I expect no future problems with my mattress.

- - - - - -

With the delivery being done,  I made a call to my doctor's office to arrange for next month's appointment, and then I rested a bit before changing into Marian mode to go to the movies with DS to see The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie.  But, before I would get to the movie theater, I decided to buy a new printer - I do not intend to spend twice the price for ink as I need to simply because HP is now software blocking the use of re-manufactured ink cartridges.  This meant that I'd be running down to Micro Center in Yonkers, and then going back Northeast to Mamaroneck.

It felt strange to use my credit card with Mario's name while presenting as Marian.  But I wanted the printer, and no one gives much of a damn about how I present.  Before getting on the road again, I tried to reach my tax lady - to no avail.  So, I figured that I'd check with RQS on how to reach the tax lady, and send an email later in the evening.

My next stop was at Costco, where I bought another pillow.  Now, I have 4 new pillows, and have a completely new bed, pillows and bed linens. Finally, I made it to Mamaroneck, finding a parking spot without problems.  Then, I bought my ticket and found DS inside a darkened theater. As much as I am a fan of the old Warner Brothers' cartoons, there is no way a modern film can have the charm of the old films.  Yet, I enjoyed spending 90 minutes to watch this piece of fluff. Hopefully, we can do this again.

On the way home, I called RQS.  Some of the tests her doctors have ordered have delivered bad news.  This may get in the way of travel, if she can't get things under control AND stop the progression of a genetic weakness.  AARGH!  I'll be there for her.  But I'd like to have more of the good times with her, before things change for the worse.

At least, RQS will be able to get a comfortable sleep in my apartment when she's here next.

A social day for Marian

 

This was a day where I knew I'd be spending the day as Marian.  So I made sure that I'd be wearing a comfortable dress when I went out for lunch (but not the dress above).  But I had one thing I wanted to do, but didn't for reasons I'll mention later.

My first appointment in my calendar was meeting with CCS, my friend from the census, for lunch. Since she exercises with a personal trainer on Wednesdays, we decided to have lunch after her session.  This meant that I'd be having a late lunch. The day's plan was to have me start moving around 11, and leave the house by 1:15 pm for lunch.  While I was getting dressed, I got a call from Vicki suggesting that we meet for lunch today.  So what did I do?  I scheduled dinner with Vicki for tomorrow, and had lunch with CCS today. 

I arrived at the Ossining pizzeria around 1:30, and found CCS already sitting in a booth.  Both of us ordered hearty meals with dessert, and I was stuffed by the end of our meal.  We caught each other up on the things happening in our lives, including RQS's visit to the ER, and CCS's family reunion during Passover in Atlantic City.  By 3:30, we were finishing lunch, and scheduled next month's get together before parting our ways.

Next, I was too tired to take care of one errand I had planned for the day - going to Costco and getting a membership card with Marian's image on it.  (I have one with Mario's face on it.)  So I went home, and went into a digesting sleep for a couple of hours.  

After I regained full consciousness, I prepared for a Zoom meeting with RQS and our Texas friends.  It was a good meeting, and everyone had something to say. At 9:45, I ended the meeting, and finally had a chance to rid my face of the makeup I was wearing for almost 10 hours....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I received an unexpected package today

 

The other day, I received notice from USPS Informed Delivery that I should expect a package that originated from New Rochelle, NY.  Who could be sending a package?  What was in the package?  Why was this package being sent?  So many questions, and absolutely no clues.

When the package arrived, I saw my name listed as Marian, and not as Mario.  So, it had to be from someone who knows me as Marian.  But the package was in one of these USPS Priority Mail envelopes, so I had little information available to me.  So, I opened the envelope and found some paperwork for my 2023 taxes.  Now I had my answer - Fran (the TG accountant who bailed on preparing my taxes due to health issues) was cleaning out her files, and sent me what I once gave her instead of shredding the paperwork. What could this mean?  Was Fran giving up on having me as a client, given last year's issues?  Who knows?  But I had no plans to work with Fran this year, as I didn't like how she handled RQS's taxes last year.   

RQS has already had her taxes done by the same lady who prepared my taxes last year.  As soon as my brother has prepared the financials for our property, I'll be making an appointment with this woman and driving to Queens to get my taxes done.  Unfortunately, this will likely force me to spend 2 days as Mario, as I don't want to introduce Marian so someone who has to deal with me as Mario.  This is the most frustrating part of being both Marian and Mario on a part time basis.

Sometimes, it's too much of a bother to present as Marian (a short post)

 

Yesterday, we spent some time straightening out the apartment.  One of the things i did was to find a "new" blanket in my cedar chest and put it on my bed, along with a "new" mattress pad.  This meant that I'll have to restock with new ones later on - especially when the "new" blanket has been sitting in the chest for years, and is suffering from a form of dry rot (found this morning).

But this is not what I intended to talk about today....

I wasn't in the mood to spend the time to shave and apply makeup just to go to Walmart.  If I were a cisgender female, this wouldn't be an issue for me.  However, I am trans, and do not look that much like a female without makeup.  So, I figured it was time for Mario to make an appearance.

Walmart is only 15 minutes from my place.  Both RQS and I were able to get showered and dressed quickly, so that we could make it to Walmart and to the local grocery store before 7:30 pm.  (We were thinking of doing some laundry when the machines weren't busy.)  I was glad not to make myself up, as I would have hated to clean off the makeup after 2 hours out of the house.

Did we get around to doing laundry?  No.  But we did get out of the house for a couple of hours.

How do you talk to a friend named Maria....

 

I've known my friend Maria for almost as long as I've lived in my apartment.  We worked together near the beginning of our careers, and we've kept in contact with each other through the loss of my wife, her divorce, and the loss of her second husband.  Neither of us has been available when the other has been free, and that's a plus for a good friendship.  I'm probably the only person who can say that she slept in my bed every night for several months, and there was nothing immoral about it.  (I lent her a folding cot with thick mattress, as her ex-husband stole all of the bedroom furniture in the house.  My 'bed' was over 35 miles away when she slept in it.)

Maria knows me both as Mario and as Marian, and is comfortable with me in both presentations.  She leans to the right politically, while I lean to the left.  And yet, she finds what is going on in DC these days very disturbing.  So, when I started discussing politics, she didn't challenge me on the facts - she knew that the Orange Snowflake is up to no good.

The real reason for us getting together was to have lunch - we haven't been able to do so in months.  The secondary reason was to have some paperwork notarized.  Over lunch, I found out that her two grand-kids are living at home again, and that the eldest has already entered puberty.  (If I ever go through that experience again, it will be because of estrogen, not testosterone, like my first puberty.  But I digress.)  The younger of the two grand-kids is still cute.  I can only imagine what it will be like when this child enters puberty.  As you can guess, when a grandmother is raising her grandchildren, it takes a lot of energy out of a person, leaving little left for her volunteer work and for her social life.

Lunch lasted over 2 hours, and at the end, she notarized some of the documents I'll need to apply for my second passport.  And then, we left Cold Spring to go our separate ways....

- - - - - -

I had no energy when I got home, and it was all I could to so that 2 loads of laundry could get done.  By the time it was done, I had decided to blow off game night for a change.  I never do this.  But with RQS coming up tomorrow, I wanted to be ready for her arrival in the afternoon.

Later in the evening, RQS and I got into a long discussion about my brother, the family homestead, and interactions with  both friends and family.  I mentioned my friend Nan from the AOL Widows/Widowers chat room (long disbanded) and a wish to visit her in the "North Country"  RQS was up for it (she wanted some new photo opportunities), so I sent a DM to Nan to see if it would be OK.  Hopefully, she will be up for visitors, as I know that people in their 80's don't have a lot of life in front of them....

By the time you read this, I'll be back from my cruise.

 

I've been alluding to this cruise for a while.  However, for purposes of safety, I didn't want to start talking about it until I returned.

- - - - - -

When we booked this cruise, I was thinking of how RQS and I could spend some time together in a warm climate, while I presented as Marian for a few days.  Over time, we settled on the above 10 day cruise.  But the idea of me spending time as Marian went by the wayside, as I couldn't get information from the DR regarding whether I'd have problems with a gender presentation which conflicts with my legal ID.  In addition, we had a snowstorm the weekend before we left, followed by sub freezing temperatures until the day we were to board the ship.

After the holiday season, the thing I wanted to do most was to hunker down inside for a few months and come out of hibernation when spring comes.  Instead, I ended up having to plan for a trip I wasn't completely excited about taking.  About the only thing that interested me about this trip was the possibility of visiting historic sites in San Juan, something which was impossible when I made port there on an NCL cruise which arrived after 4 pm.

As I've mentioned in this and my other blog, I am not a fan of cruise lines "hot docking" their ships, so that multiple ships can be in port on the same day.  I feel that this is a disservice to cruisers, as one is often unable to have a chance to properly enjoy a port. In fact, I chose an Alaska cruise with one of my criteria being whether the ship spent a full day in each of the Alaskan ports where the ship docked.  Our January cruise does not "hot dock" at any of its ports, but it will spend 6 days at sea (including Embarkation day) on a 10-day cruise.  We made a trade-off to have full port days and extra days at sea to have our 10-day getaway.

Given that we are sailing on MSC in a sub-optimal inside cabin below the entrance to the buffet, I expect that we'll have to deal with noise coming from the deck above. Neither RQS nor I are impressed by the quality of MSC's entertainment.  Yet, it is good enough for us to have considered sailing the line again.  The same goes for the food.  Unlike what we got used to on Princess and NCL, MSC's specialty dinner package offerings do not give the same bang per buck. On this trip, we opted NOT to buy specialty meal packages in advance and to enjoy the food served in the main dining room, with the possible exception of going to the on-board taco joint..

MSC is a line known for low priced cruising.  It also has some of the most reasonably priced shore excursions compared with similar excursions offered by NCL  Both RQS and I feel that NCL's excursions have been excessively marked up by the cruise line.  Contrast this with MSC, where we get good excursions at a very reasonable price.  On our past Bermuda cruises, NCL was charging $140 for a tour that visited the Crystal Caves, while MSC charged $80 for a similar experience.  (I may be comparing apples to pears here, as NCL offered an extra stop on its tour.)  Yes, MSC does a quite bit of nickel-diming, but in general one will get decent value for money spent.

While I'm cruising, I'll be writing posts about the cruise that you'll be seeing here over the next few days. Hopefully, you will enjoy our exploits.  One thing I am certain to do will be to ask the people at the pier whether "My Sister" (as I refer to myself when presenting as Mario) will have trouble at the port if she presents as Marian, but presents Mario's ID.  (It worked in Bermuda, why not elsewhere?)

A day I should have done more things, but didn't

I had only one thing to take care of today, and I was lucky to even get that in because of how lazy I was feeling.  Did I really want to go out in the cold?  No!  But I had to pick up RQS's dress at the cleaner's, so that she'd have it onboard the cruise we'll be taking soon.  That forced me to get out of bed and get ready to go outside.  And today might be the last day I can spend even part of my time in Marian mode.

- - - - - -

The first thing I did upon waking up was to get my head together and figure out what I was going to do for the day.  One of the things on my list was to check in with DCD's ex to see if he made it back to her place.  (This would trigger her dumping him back at the hospital, saying that the man is homeless and has nowhere to live - her house was off limits.)  No news on that front.

Next, I expected a phone call from a firm which provides dietary and lifestyle coaching.  My doctor recommended this organization's services to me, saying that they could help me lose weight.  Given that I'm going on a cruise soon, I said that I'd look to start things up when I return from my upcoming cruise.

And then, I finally got showered and dressed to attack the world as Marian.  I wanted to wear my sweater dress.  But to do so, I needed to wear some thermal tights.  One problem.  The flannel tights I have are not control top tights.  So I felt that everything kept slipping down in back as I moved.  (Next time, I'll wear a pair of control top tights and put up with a little bit of the cold.)  Once dressed and made up, I was off to the tailor's to pick up the dress. The last time I was at this dry cleaning/tailoring shop, a different lady ran the place.  Now, the place looks more minimal than in the past, and the former proprietor was gone. This was a shame - I liked the former proprietor, and wished I could have struck up another conversation with her.

Not having any plans of where to go, it was off to Barnes and Noble to look at some books and kill time.  I knew that when I got home, that I would have to start packing for my upcoming cruise, as I had to drop off a large suitcase at RQS's place this weekend.  Arriving home, I found a package from Lane Bryant which contained matching panties for a nightie she gave me for Xmas.  I intend to wear the set for her when she's up here for Valentine's day.

Finally, I got around to packing.  This was my least favorite chore for the day, as I would have to be out and about as Mario for over a week.  At least, RQS and I agreed on the shore excursions we plan to take in San Juan.

Doing nothing in the middle of the week.

 

Today's entry was written on New Years Day.  Neither RQS nor I felt like getting dressed today, so we took care of little things that we could do around the apartment.  Yet, most of the day, we were sitting around and watching YouTube videos.  RQS decided to bake some rye bread, and she took care of that during breaks in videos.

- - - - - -

So, why am I posting today's entry, instead of writing a "thought piece"?  The answer is simple.  I don't want to dwell on current events, as the prospects of what will happen on January 20th gets me upset.  With that being said, I am glad that the late President Carter's death will result in flags flying at half mast throughout most of January.

Over the past few hours, several people from my present and past sent me New Years' wishes, including a woman I once dated. However, the one communication I didn't expect was from DCD's ex-girlfriend, N.  Even though DCD is no longer N's boyfriend, she still tries to throw him some work to help him get by.  Unfortunately, DCD has gone incommunicado since the day after Christmas, and she hasn't been able to reach him for a shift scheduled for the end of the week.  I feel sorry for DCD, as both his age and health will get in the way of a "normal" job.

Several years ago, DCD had a benign brain tumor.  If I had heard him explain why he hasn't been working for a while, I wouldn't hire him due to the health insurance risk my firm might be taking on.  (Another reason for single payer healthcare.  For the time I've known him, DCD has never been able to own up to his failures and learn from them.  Last year, while driving him home from work (after a dinner at a diner), he talkws about his family holding an intervention for him.  Knowing him, he probably retreated into himself and walled himself off from honest criticisms of his behavior.  

When I sold DCD my Honda, I expected that he would be able to pay me $100/month until 24 payments were made.  Although I received 3 payments, he has avoided me since the 3rd payment.  I wouldn't push him into paying me, given that he still wants to try paying child support for his 2 kids.  It is unfortunate that he either refuses to get his support adjusted to reflect his lack of salary, or that he is unable to get the support amount changed due to other actions on his part. So, I will consider it a miracle if he ever finishes paying for the car, as I expect that he will pass away as an indigent without anyone being notified of it.

- - - - - -

On other matters....

RQS would like to get off of the ship at each port of our upcoming cruise.  I feel that it might be risky to travel as Marian and get off at some ports.  Since one of our stops will be in a port I have never visited before, I decided to write to the island's tourist bureau to find out whether I could travel as Marian, and still carry Mario's ID.  Depending on the answer to this question (and others I may have of other authorities), I will either travel as Marian (my preference) or as Mario (my default).

Given all of the positive feelings that have been expressed about Luigi Mangione and the healthcare CEO assassination, I wonder if he can get a fair trial.  A truly impartial jury will be totally ignorant of the world around them, something I wouldn't want for a jury evaluating evidence presented against me.  A biased jury will react to many things, including their opinions about the accused and their victim.  Given that our incoming president is being paid off by the highest bidder, I would love to see our current president pardon Luigi at the end of his term.  This will not affect the New York State case against this man.  But it can send a powerful message to the healthcare industry that the public is sick and tired of the abuses of that industry and will not take it any longer.

RQS noted that my brother tends to tune me out when I talk, possibly because I present facts with details before my conclusions.  Sadly, he doesn't realize that he does something similar.  But then, if we weren't related, we wouldn't bother being friends.  I find it amazing that we came from the same family.  But even more so, he is not a person who is introspective in any way.  I guess that my path in life made it possible for me to improve myself by learning from experiences - something I don't think my brother has done.

Well, enough for now.....

The darned thing has been assembled, and the old chest is gone!

 

The chest has finally been assembled, and the old one is out of the house.  But this wasn't the simple thing that it sounds like.  

- - - - - -

When we awoke this morning, I had to figure out a way to get the old chest into a place in the living room with enough space for me to slide the new chest in its place.  This was not a task I was going to do as Marian, as I knew I was going to work up a sweat and ruin the nightie that I was given for Christmas.  Instead, I put on the clothes I had worn a couple days before and then started my process.

First, I had already emptied the chest of things I wanted to keep which were previously stored inside. However, I still had to disconnect the TV that sat upon the old chest and place it in a safe place - my bed.  And only then, could I extricate it from its space in my bedroom.  As I pulled it out, it started falling apart, due to it being a cheap piece of furniture from 40+ years ago. Even worse, there was a lot of dust and cobwebs behind the chest that I had to clean out, as I might never go back there for several years.

Once I got the old chest in a safe place, it was time to slide the new chest in its place.  The first problem I encountered was that the sliders didn't help me move the chest past the carpet protectors in my desk area.  To deal with this, I tilted the new chest up, and asked RQS to put sliders back into places where they could again do their function.  The next problem came soon enough.  The new chest was slightly wider than the old chest, and I had to snug it against another chest and my air conditioner.  AARGH!  And this led to the third problem: I had to use a slider to left the adjacent chest 3/8", so that the decorative overhang on the top of the adjacent chest would not be pulled up from the body of that chest. Finally, the new chest was in place, and I began to transfer clothing from another chest to the new chest, giving RQS a place to put her clothes.

Now, I had one more task to take care of: Bringing the old chest down to the dumpster area to be picked up with the next bilk trash pickup.  To do this, I had to lift the old chest over an end table, and then wedge it through the doorway and onto the top landing.  While doing this, the old chest started falling apart,  One crossbeam and a 3/8" laminate board came off the side, making the chest unusable for any scavenger that may come upon it in a dumpster dive.  Other pieces came undone while I dragged the chest down the steps and over to the dumpster area.  A little later, RQS took the drawers and placed them by the (now) destroyed chest.  Sadly, if this chest was as solid as the inexpensive Ikea chest that replaced it, it would still be in my apartment.

- - - - - -

Did I really need to deal with replacing this chest now?  Probably not.  But since the old chest's drawer glides were broken, I could no longer use the chest to store anything I wanted to get at on a regular basis.  Now, I can get to my lingerie and some of my feminine wardrobe without problem.  Maybe now, I can go shopping in my dresser and closet again, and not buy things to only end up in a donation bag several years later.

And now: Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel

 

When I was young, I loved watching this show.  Yes, it was campy.  But it was fun to watch.  It's a shame that this show was done with a campy style, as the tone of the Batman comics was much darker in spirit.  But what does this have to do with my life?

Well, many of us have to live two separate lives.  One out of circumstance, and the other out of choice.  The first life is what others expect of you.  The other is what you expect from yourself.  Most of the time, our outer and inner lives are in rough synchronization with each other.  Other times, they are not.  In the case of the fictional crime fighter, his Batman persona was a way of coping with the damage done to him in his past.  In my case, it is my true spirit coming out of a cocoon.

Last night (as I write this), I had a conversation with Vicki.  She noted that my personality as Mario and Marian is the same person, just expressed in two very different ways.  RQS sees this, regardless of what clothing I am wearing.  But what is this difference?  Vicki feels that Marian's personality expression reflects the lack of both the familial emotional damage done to Mario as a child and the social emotional damage that would have been done to Marian had she been born with a female body.  There is a certain emotional strength in Marian that Mario could never have, as she never suffered the blows that most children have received while growing up.

Why is this important?

I realize that I never want to give up my life as Marian for anything.  Yet, it is threatened by the undercurrents of today's politics.  A conservative gay man who made a case for same-sex marriage long before it was the law of the land once noted that he was surprised to see this happen in his lifetime.  Same-sex marriage only challenges one of one of our traditional beliefs: Heterosexual relationships are a cornerstone of our society's values.  Society begrudgingly acknowledged gay and lesbian rights and moved on to other struggles.  But that left transgender people with fewer allies.  

The existence of transgenders challenges something more basic in society, the idea that people could be born with the mind of one gender, but be housed in the body of the other.  I'm reminded of a joke from the "Addams Family Values" movie where Morticia delivers her newborn child.  Gomez pops out into the waiting room where everyone is asking: "What is it?"  And Gomex proudly announces: "It's an Addams!"  It's not the answer most of us were expecting to hear, but it is an equally correct one that challenges our standard mode of thinking.  To most of us, one's sex/gender is the most basic form of identification one can have - and it is fixed at birth.  To Gomez, it is simply that he had a healthy child.

Right now, my rights are protected in most of the "Blue States".  But they are being attacked in congress, as Sarah McBride may be denied her right to go to the women's loo in peace.  Sarah understands the nature of the game.  But most people do not.  They see the world in binary terms such as reproductive gender and not the fluidity found throughout nature.

As for me, I will continue exercising my rights to go out as Marian, as this is the personality that best fits who I am.  She may evolve, like most of us do over time.  Yet, she will feel more like a whole person while doing so. This is the most important thing to me - to be true to myself.

I don't have much to say for today, save that I couldn't eat the whole thing.

 

OK, I know I have to go on a diet other than "See Food".  But when it's a once-a-year dinner at a good restaurant and service is slow, it's hard for me NOT to chow down from the bread basket.

- - - - - -

I didn't want to get up today.  It was raining outside, and they predicted more extreme weather by dinnertime.  For the most part, I stayed in my jammies and watched videos most of the day.  That is until I found a 7-8 year old computer that was once my dad's machine until he passed away.  Although the computer runs Windows 10, it can't be upgraded to Windows 11 because it doesn't have a TPM module.  (Even more important, the machine still uses rotating disk memory and is way too slow compared to modern machines.)  So, I have two Windows 10 machines that can't be upgraded, and I don't know what to do with them.

Next, I had to get showered and dressed.  Although I really want to go out as Marian, I'm not going to out myself to people I'm not sure would respect me after the outing.  (There are still some advantages to presenting as a male, and I have to take advantage of them while on the co-op board.)  Just before I was to pick up my fellow board members, I decided to finally subscribe to a new anti virus platform.  This was easier than I thought it would be.  But it will be way too expensive to stay on this platform after this subscription period ends.

Once done with installing the new software, it was off to pick up my fellow co-op board members, and then to the restaurant.  At the restaurant, we met the new site manager, our accountant and our lawyer.  As much as we discussed formal business with our experts, we also participated in normal social chit chat.  Service was slow, and I ate too much - simply because the bread basket was right in front of me. And then the food came!  In this episode of "(Wo)man vs. Food", Food won this round.  I ended up bringing the seafood home, only to trash it in the dumpster.  After 2-3 hours, I wasn't going to trust the safety of a seafood dish, and I wasn't going to reheat it for tomorrow's meal.  So the only thing I figured I should do is toss the leftovers because it was the safest thing to do.

- - - - - -

Tomorrow will be another day.  And I am scheduled to go to another meetup.  Like the last one, I'm not certain about going.  I'll make a decision about it tomorrow morning....

The Co-Op meeting was the most I could deal with today.

 

It was raining on and off today, and I had to be home in the evening for a co-op board meeting. We had a lot to discuss today, and the (to be) former site manager didn't show up, as he had an excuse (as usual) that prevented him from attending our meeting.  

- - - - - -

If it had been better weather, I'd have liked to go out as Marian and do some shopping.  However, this was not a day to go outside and brave the elements - I wasn't in the mood to get showered and dressed, much less turn myself into Marian and return to Mario mode for the evening. So, I relaxed in bed most of the day, and decided to get ready for the co-op meeting at 6 pm.

6 pm came, and I started the zoom meeting.  Eventually, all of the board members arrived, and we got some more disturbing news about events that took place since our last monthly meeting.  Suffice it to say, that none of us were happy.  One board member keeps acting as if our president can do more than she's already doing, and this pisses off both the president and myself.  This person is as useless as tits on a bull. And we're both tired of her.

Soon enough, the meeting ended - and I am ending up driving 2 people to dinner tomorrow.  Too bad that I have to be in Mario mode for this dinner.  But, I am looking forward to Thursday when I can again present as Marian again.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming....

 

By the time you read this, Christmas will have passed.  I can't wait for the holiday season to end, as it will allow me to get back to my regularly scheduled activities - such as watching movies NOT related to the holiday.

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I'm writing this post a little over 2 weeks before Christmas.  And a lot will happen between now and then. For example, I will be seeing my doctor for the first time in a few months, and he will likely read me the riot act for not losing weight.  I'll  wear my hair suit, and note that the Zepbound he prescribed is not covered by my drug formulary.  (I'll have to check this out in 2025, as I want to finally do what I've should have been doing all along - live a more healthy life, and lose weight as a byproduct of my actions.  I may need to have a different GLP-1 Agonist drug prescribed for me, so that it is covered by Medicare.)  I'll also be seeing my sleep doctor for the last time before he retires, and get a referral to a new sleep doctor.  (I'll also ask him for a copy of my script, so that I can buy a travel CPAP unit.)

Not all of the things that will be going on in my life will be health related.  For example, RQS and I will be attending a choral performance where one of the singers has been a member of the Yonkers gaming group I belong to.  A week later, we will be seeing Darlene Love in concert again.  She doesn't yet know that I also plan to buy her tickets to a Broadway show that will be performed on the same day that her Boston friend wants her there for a baby shower.  RQS will be very happy that I've made it possible for her to decline the invite, saying that I surprised her with show tickets.

There will be some serious things that must be taken care of.  My co-op is switching to a new management firm, and we have to make sure that we do our part in this transition.  For example, I've already had to sign paperwork to give me signing authority for the co-op, and access to the bank accounts being opened up for us.  We'll soon have our yearly holiday dinner, and that will give us the chance to get to know our new site manager in an informal setting.  Hopefully, they will do a much better job for us than the old firm has done.

Of course, I'll be catching up on my social engagements, such as seeing my friend from the census, as well as attending a meetup or two that will take place before the holiday.  I expect that I'll be quite busy through year end.  Hopefully, I'll be spending most of my time as Marian, and not as Mario.  Christmas Eve dinner will be spent as Marian, and I'm hoping we get an invite, so that New Year's Eve can be spent this way as well.  Keep your fingers crossed....

It's been a long time since I was at a meetup

 

TCL will never understand why I attend meetups as Marian.  But then, she can never understand what it's like being transgender, and why I want to live life as a female.  So, I only try to get together with her when I know I'll have to be in Mario mode for something else that day.

- - - - - -

Today was not a day I would have wanted to see TCL.  I was lethargic for most of the day, and I would have skipped out on going to a meetup had I committed myself to this dinner in Pleasantville.  So I made sure to set several alarms to get me moving when I needed to do so.  

Around 4 pm, I got showered and dressed.  However, I didn't know what to wear.  It was too chilly for me to wear a dress, as I would have stood out from cisgender women on a day like this.  So I looked for a comfortable sweater top and a pair of women's trousers I could wear, and found something I haven't worn in a couple of years.

I arrived in Pleasantville 30 minutes early, and decided to play games on my phone to kill time.  Shortly after I walked into the restaurant, DS showed up.  A few minutes later, everyone else showed up, and we proceeded to order dinner.  After some more time, my Jambalaya arrived, and I was getting stuffed before I finished what was on my plate.  But I made sure to leave room for bread pudding for dessert.  

Around 8:30 pm, it was time to go.  As I walked to my car, one of the fellows at the meetup complimented me on what I was wearing.  Was this a polite comment?  Or, was he trying to show an interest in getting to know me better?  I didn't have the benefit of a young adulthood as a female, so I'm not always sure of how to read men while out as Marian.  But at least, I know this fellow to be a harmless gentleman....

It would have been my late wife's 70th birthday today

 

Above is a photo of my late wife.  She was a wonderful woman, but not without her flaws. She, like the building she was in, is long gone.  But why am I mentioning this here today?

- - - - - -

I've been widowed more than twice as long as I was married.  Little things such as the color of her eyes have become hard to remember.  Only other little things remain, such as she said the word "Nasty".  And yet, she has always remained a presence in my life - if only as a memory that connects me to being a young, immature adult.

My wife knew that I enjoyed wearing women's clothing.  But I never would dare going outside in such things.  She tolerated me more than anything else.  Yet, I wonder what she would think had she survived her cancer and lived to this day.  Would we have gotten divorced over this, or for other reasons.  (If so, it would likely be our lack of communications skills, and for resentments that built themselves up over time.)  Would she have embraced me, and encouraged me to become the trans woman I became?  (This is less likely, given that we would be Baby Boomers with all the prejudices absorbed during that era.)  Would I have been satisfied with her after another 10+ years?  Would the love still be there after all we would have gone through?  There are so many questions that can't be answered, as that time line never came to be.

Losing my wife at the age of 39 did one hell of a number on me.  It made me afraid of not having someone to cling to when times got rough.  Yet, I didn't have the emotional age to supply that support to others.  After she died, I ended up in a string of relationships over the next 25 years before finding my current partner.  Will we stand the test of time?  I don't know.  But we have gotten off to a good start.

- - - - - -

Being trans puts a crimp into finding romantic partners.  Aging puts a crimp into finding new friends. As an older trans person, I understand why many older trans people can get quite depressed - I've been a victim of depression myself.  Yet, I make the choice every day - do I get up and live, or do I give in to depression?  So far, I choose to live.

If my wife had lived, we'd likely have become poor parents.  Since she couldn't bear children, we'd have had to adopt a child.  But then, we'd have to move to a bigger place that we couldn't afford on my salary.  Could I have done better in my career and progressed further (with appropriate pay increases)? I'm not so sure, as I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a wide range of people.  So, I consider it lucky that we didn't have kids, as I don't think I'd have been able to raise them on my own.

- - - - - -

At this time of year, I often look backwards and examine where I have been and how I could have done better in life.  Recently, I realized something from childhood that I don't like - I used to look for the simple, brute force solution for problems.  It took me many years to look for subtle solutions to more complex problems.  Too bad that I didn't have this kind of insight earlier in life.

Yet, as I said in earlier posts, I now try to take life one day at a time.  I am concerned about the chaos our next president may bring.  But it is not triggering paralyzing fear, as it is now doing in many on the left.  There is a clarity I have now that I wouldn't have had a decade ago.  Is it because I've gained some wisdom?  Or, am I taking advantage of depression, and living life without a guarantee of a brighter tomorrow?  Who knows?  This doesn't mean that I can't get worked up when thinking about the possible chaos.  It only means that I'm choosing to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the potential chaos and not getting sucked into intense feelings when not needed.

As a trans person, I am concerned about what will happen over the next few years.  But, having lost a spouse, I have a better perspective on life.  She needed to be with someone with a cooler head than she had, and I now need to stay cool while chaos is all around.  And as long as I can, I'll try to keep posting here while I have something to say about the world we live in.

Lunch and Dinner with friends, interrupted by a walk around a mall.

 

Today was marked by two meals out.  Lunch was with MSJ (My friend from the imaging firm I once worked for) and Dinner was with Vicki #1.  I'm lucky I had extra money to spend, as I have another lunch scheduled for tomorrow.

- - - - - -

MSJ and I scheduled today's lunch, so that I could review and comment on her resume. For the most part, it is a good representation of her career, and had few areas needed changing.  The first was was to change her phrasing into

Action → Result

from

Result → Action

This was the easiest thing to do.  But then, we had to figure what could safely be pruned from her resume without significant loss of demonstrated skill sets.  And this forced us to leave in a job or two which she'd like to skip over, and forward fill some dates from self employment to allow her to omit an unwanted job.  Additionally, we changed a reference of a subsidiary to that of a corporate parent, to make her employment appear as she worked for fewer organizations.  

Hopefully, the edits I expect that she'll be making will help her get a new job.  We've scheduled another lunch to review her edits.

- - - - - -

Vicki called just as I was going to spend a little time at Woodbury Commons (outlet mall) to do some browsing.  Although the trip to the mall was a waste of time and car mileage, I was able to chat with Vicki for a while and schedule dinner for the evening.

While at the outlet mall, I found nothing interesting to buy.  Everything was either overpriced status brands, or clothing which would not fit me.  As I was walking back to my car, the front part of my right shoe separated from its base.  Since these were cheap shoes, I decided to trash them when I got home instead of fixing the sole with glue. To kill a little more time, I decided to write up meeting minutes for last night's co-op board meeting, and rest a little before going to the diner to meet Vicki.

- - - - - -

We met at the local diner, and both of us had the chicken.  She had grilled chicken breasts, while I had the roast.  Both were good.  And we grumbled about the short term mentality of the American public, and how America's greatest snake oil salesman will  likely hurt people like us.  It'll take a while for our anger to burn itself out.  But then, can you blame us given the radical changes he promises.  To make things worse, he will likely never be punished for the crimes he committed, as his party refuses to discipline him.

We left the diner around 8:45 pm.  From there, I took a little drive (adding more needless mileage to my car), and saw how Route 9A was being diverted in both directions onto other roads.  Needless to say, I took different side roads to get back home for the night. 

PS: One thing Vicki noted: When I'm with her, I defer to an alpha as a cisgender female tends to do.  When RQS is around, she defers to me in a similar way - regardless of my gender presentation.