It's been a long time since I was at a meetup

 

TCL will never understand why I attend meetups as Marian.  But then, she can never understand what it's like being transgender, and why I want to live life as a female.  So, I only try to get together with her when I know I'll have to be in Mario mode for something else that day.

- - - - - -

Today was not a day I would have wanted to see TCL.  I was lethargic for most of the day, and I would have skipped out on going to a meetup had I committed myself to this dinner in Pleasantville.  So I made sure to set several alarms to get me moving when I needed to do so.  

Around 4 pm, I got showered and dressed.  However, I didn't know what to wear.  It was too chilly for me to wear a dress, as I would have stood out from cisgender women on a day like this.  So I looked for a comfortable sweater top and a pair of women's trousers I could wear, and found something I haven't worn in a couple of years.

I arrived in Pleasantville 30 minutes early, and decided to play games on my phone to kill time.  Shortly after I walked into the restaurant, DS showed up.  A few minutes later, everyone else showed up, and we proceeded to order dinner.  After some more time, my Jambalaya arrived, and I was getting stuffed before I finished what was on my plate.  But I made sure to leave room for bread pudding for dessert.  

Around 8:30 pm, it was time to go.  As I walked to my car, one of the fellows at the meetup complimented me on what I was wearing.  Was this a polite comment?  Or, was he trying to show an interest in getting to know me better?  I didn't have the benefit of a young adulthood as a female, so I'm not always sure of how to read men while out as Marian.  But at least, I know this fellow to be a harmless gentleman....

It would have been my late wife's 70th birthday today

 

Above is a photo of my late wife.  She was a wonderful woman, but not without her flaws. She, like the building she was in, is long gone.  But why am I mentioning this here today?

- - - - - -

I've been widowed more than twice as long as I was married.  Little things such as the color of her eyes have become hard to remember.  Only other little things remain, such as she said the word "Nasty".  And yet, she has always remained a presence in my life - if only as a memory that connects me to being a young, immature adult.

My wife knew that I enjoyed wearing women's clothing.  But I never would dare going outside in such things.  She tolerated me more than anything else.  Yet, I wonder what she would think had she survived her cancer and lived to this day.  Would we have gotten divorced over this, or for other reasons.  (If so, it would likely be our lack of communications skills, and for resentments that built themselves up over time.)  Would she have embraced me, and encouraged me to become the trans woman I became?  (This is less likely, given that we would be Baby Boomers with all the prejudices absorbed during that era.)  Would I have been satisfied with her after another 10+ years?  Would the love still be there after all we would have gone through?  There are so many questions that can't be answered, as that time line never came to be.

Losing my wife at the age of 39 did one hell of a number on me.  It made me afraid of not having someone to cling to when times got rough.  Yet, I didn't have the emotional age to supply that support to others.  After she died, I ended up in a string of relationships over the next 25 years before finding my current partner.  Will we stand the test of time?  I don't know.  But we have gotten off to a good start.

- - - - - -

Being trans puts a crimp into finding romantic partners.  Aging puts a crimp into finding new friends. As an older trans person, I understand why many older trans people can get quite depressed - I've been a victim of depression myself.  Yet, I make the choice every day - do I get up and live, or do I give in to depression?  So far, I choose to live.

If my wife had lived, we'd likely have become poor parents.  Since she couldn't bear children, we'd have had to adopt a child.  But then, we'd have to move to a bigger place that we couldn't afford on my salary.  Could I have done better in my career and progressed further (with appropriate pay increases)? I'm not so sure, as I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a wide range of people.  So, I consider it lucky that we didn't have kids, as I don't think I'd have been able to raise them on my own.

- - - - - -

At this time of year, I often look backwards and examine where I have been and how I could have done better in life.  Recently, I realized something from childhood that I don't like - I used to look for the simple, brute force solution for problems.  It took me many years to look for subtle solutions to more complex problems.  Too bad that I didn't have this kind of insight earlier in life.

Yet, as I said in earlier posts, I now try to take life one day at a time.  I am concerned about the chaos our next president may bring.  But it is not triggering paralyzing fear, as it is now doing in many on the left.  There is a clarity I have now that I wouldn't have had a decade ago.  Is it because I've gained some wisdom?  Or, am I taking advantage of depression, and living life without a guarantee of a brighter tomorrow?  Who knows?  This doesn't mean that I can't get worked up when thinking about the possible chaos.  It only means that I'm choosing to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the potential chaos and not getting sucked into intense feelings when not needed.

As a trans person, I am concerned about what will happen over the next few years.  But, having lost a spouse, I have a better perspective on life.  She needed to be with someone with a cooler head than she had, and I now need to stay cool while chaos is all around.  And as long as I can, I'll try to keep posting here while I have something to say about the world we live in.

Lunch and Dinner with friends, interrupted by a walk around a mall.

 

Today was marked by two meals out.  Lunch was with MSJ (My friend from the imaging firm I once worked for) and Dinner was with Vicki #1.  I'm lucky I had extra money to spend, as I have another lunch scheduled for tomorrow.

- - - - - -

MSJ and I scheduled today's lunch, so that I could review and comment on her resume. For the most part, it is a good representation of her career, and had few areas needed changing.  The first was was to change her phrasing into

Action → Result

from

Result → Action

This was the easiest thing to do.  But then, we had to figure what could safely be pruned from her resume without significant loss of demonstrated skill sets.  And this forced us to leave in a job or two which she'd like to skip over, and forward fill some dates from self employment to allow her to omit an unwanted job.  Additionally, we changed a reference of a subsidiary to that of a corporate parent, to make her employment appear as she worked for fewer organizations.  

Hopefully, the edits I expect that she'll be making will help her get a new job.  We've scheduled another lunch to review her edits.

- - - - - -

Vicki called just as I was going to spend a little time at Woodbury Commons (outlet mall) to do some browsing.  Although the trip to the mall was a waste of time and car mileage, I was able to chat with Vicki for a while and schedule dinner for the evening.

While at the outlet mall, I found nothing interesting to buy.  Everything was either overpriced status brands, or clothing which would not fit me.  As I was walking back to my car, the front part of my right shoe separated from its base.  Since these were cheap shoes, I decided to trash them when I got home instead of fixing the sole with glue. To kill a little more time, I decided to write up meeting minutes for last night's co-op board meeting, and rest a little before going to the diner to meet Vicki.

- - - - - -

We met at the local diner, and both of us had the chicken.  She had grilled chicken breasts, while I had the roast.  Both were good.  And we grumbled about the short term mentality of the American public, and how America's greatest snake oil salesman will  likely hurt people like us.  It'll take a while for our anger to burn itself out.  But then, can you blame us given the radical changes he promises.  To make things worse, he will likely never be punished for the crimes he committed, as his party refuses to discipline him.

We left the diner around 8:45 pm.  From there, I took a little drive (adding more needless mileage to my car), and saw how Route 9A was being diverted in both directions onto other roads.  Needless to say, I took different side roads to get back home for the night. 

PS: One thing Vicki noted: When I'm with her, I defer to an alpha as a cisgender female tends to do.  When RQS is around, she defers to me in a similar way - regardless of my gender presentation. 

The weekend seemed way too short for us. (a short post)

 

Veterans Day.  Neither of us had any idea of what we wanted to do.  So, we ended up relaxing in the morning, then going shopping in the afternoon. To us, it was like having a second Sunday during the week, and we took advantage of it.

This was going to be a day spent as Marian, so I made sure to make myself look as nice as possible while looking comfortable. It was not a day to have one's legs exposed, so I decided to wear a pair of leggings under a dress I like using as a tunic top.  Is this what I would prefer to wear?  No.  But who likes having to wear fall/winter weather clothing?

Our first stop was the Mt. Kisco Target, where I bought a few items I would need for my makeup routine.  That's where we fond out that the CVS Pharmacy inside the store was so independent from Target, that the crew inside the pharmacy area didn't have a clue in which aisle RQS could find items she was looking for.  So, we trekked down to the CVS near the Mt. Kisco hospital, where remodeling got in the way of her finding the same items.  But she was in luck - those items were on the shelves, and made it into her shopping cart.

Then it was time for a rest before going out to the local Japanese restaurant to eat.  Both of us were full by the time we left the place, and both of us wanted sleep more than anything else. We were in for the evening, and felt good that we left the house when it wasn't needed.

I wish it were legal to kill rude neighbors, but we called the police instead.

 

When we first started to talk about what we were doing this weekend, I was originally planning to go to RQS's place as Marian.  However, I didn't have enough of my winter wardrobe ready for a cold weekend (cold by recent standards, that is) in NYC.  So, I surprised RQS by picking her up at the doctor's office as Mario and was lucky to find a spot near her house.

Why were we in NYC this weekend?

When one has an apartment in an older part of the city, one has to deal with vermin of all sorts (rodents, roaches, and other unwanted critters) on a regular basis.  This weekend, the exterminator was scheduled to come between 12 and 1 pm.  (In the past, he was scheduled to come between 10 am and noon, but things changed lately.)  So, both of us got showered and dressed, then waited - and waited for an exterminator who never came.  After a call to the super, we gave up and left for our next stop - RQS's storage compartment.

RQS has been cleaning out her storage compartment as long as I've known her.  Don't get me wrong.  She has a room sized compartment near her home which contains the detritus from her late parents' house which she has had to sort through over time.  So, we ended up spending time there, sorting through boxes, compacting empty cardboard boxes, and making it easier to get at things in the compartment.  After a couple of hours there, it was time to return to her apartment to rest a bit.

One of the movies we wanted to see is Conclave.  It is a story about what happens when a pope dies, and the political shenanigans which occur when some cardinals jockey to be elected pope.  Without giving away the final wrinkle in the film, there is bribery, there is a child born out of wedlock, and there is an incognito cardinal (with certification) who has been serving in Kabul, Afghanistan - all the things that would make a story about a papal Conclave interesting.  We highly recommend this movie for those who like intelligent drama.

Once the film was over, we ended up going back home.  And that's where things became sour.  One neighbor was having a party, playing music loud enough to make the glassware in RQS's curio cabinet rattle.  One could feel the floor thump a little due to the repetitive bass line from the loudness of the music being played.  It was 10:30 pm, and we wanted to sleep.  Our next door neighbor on the same floor was also being annoyed.  Since we couldn't be sure of whether it was the apartment below us causing the problem, or the noise was from the building next door, RQS called the police.  30 minutes later, it seemed as if things quieted down.  Just as well - I'd hate to see things continue like this because of an inconsiderate neighbor.

Bermuda Cruise 2024 #2 - Port Day # 2 (10/30/24)

 

This would turn out to be a nice day, in spite of our new friend accompanying us to breakfast, and then to St. George, Bermuda.  But first....

This would be my second day presenting as Marian on Bermuda.  The weather was a little windier and cooler than I originally planned for, so I knew that the dresses I wanted to wear on this trip might not cooperate with me while on the island.  Should I have brought a trouser like garment to wear on windy days?  As much as I'd have wanted one yesterday, I wouldn't need one by the end of the day - the winds died down quite a bit over the time we were there.

- - - - - -

Neither of us wanted to get up early.  Given that we had arranged to meet our new friend downstairs, we felt like we should keep our word and meet her.  However, this would prove to be a taxing decision, as our new friend is the type who latches onto people and expects them to do the work in a friendship.  For example, another friend of this lady said that she'd meet her at a bar near St. George.  However, she had no idea of how to get there.  Did this friend of ours do any research?  No.  It was if she expected everything to be handed to her.  Later, when we got on the ferry together, she could have asked the guides for help - but didn't.  RQS had gotten tired of this lady, and we were glad that she went out on her own after we got off the ferry.

Once on land, we saw the town crier as he announced that they would simulate the dunking of an old hag at 1:00 pm.  This sounded like too much fun to miss.  So we walked down to where the dunking was to be held, and we were not disappointed - it was fun to watch. (On the way there, we listened to a tour guide tell her group about Bermuda's connection to the American Revolution, and how it was treated before and during our war of independence - a truly friendly relationship.) But then, we wanted to get some food before going back to the ship.  So it was off to find a place where we could eat an affordable meal.

On the way back, we stumbled into a Bermuda museum dedicated mostly of Bermuda's connection to the American Civil War, and how many people in this neutral island profited off the war.  It's nice to know that this British possession had/has such a good relationship with the USA.  Although I didn't take many pictures there, it is a place well worth visiting when in St. George, Bermuda. After we found a place to eat, we went back to the ferry and took it back to our ship.  It was nice to be able to rest a bit before dinner.

 

 

 

Our next stop was the Italian restaurant onboard ship, La Cucina.  We weren't disappointed by this specialty restaurant's food.  However, we wouldn't make it a habit to eat here, as we can get good/great Italian food at many places int he NYC area. The house salad and the calamari were very good, and I couldn't finish the Osso Buco we each had as a main course.  The only disappointment, if we could have one was that we each had only one Cannoli without any espresso with Sambuca to finish off the meal properly/  Shortly after dinner, it was off to the main theater to see a show where 4 singers performed Broadway show tunes.  This was better than the usual fare on most ships, as both RQS and I were clapping by the end of the show....

Bermuda Cruise 2024 #2 - Port Day # 1 (10/29/24)

 

The day started out with having breakfast in the buffet with our new friend.  RQS mentioned that she is a relative newbie to cruising and travel, by the way she approaches things.  But I'll get into that later.

There was a part of me that was afraid to go onshore as Marian today.  Even though I asked the right questions of the right people, I am always concerned when I visit a new place as Marian.  So, when the ship pulled into port around 1:30 pm, I knew that I was going to confront my fear head on.  

While eating lunch, the ship made port and it took a while for Bermuda customs to give the ship clearance to discharge passengers.  Around 3:00 pm, we were off the ship and on our way to the Clocktower Mall to do some shopping.  And that's where I dropped $50 on a necklace and a bracelet that I could wear later on. However, the stores closed relatively early (in relation to the ship's arrival), and we ended up walking back to the ship around 5:30 pm.  

It was very windy, and my hair was all mussed up.  But I continued my walk to the pier knowing that I'd have to pull my passport out and possibly risk a confrontation.  Thankfully, my worries were all in vain.  Bermuda is now a port I can safely visit as Marian without worry.

 

Shortly after we got back on the ship, we decided to have dinner in one of the main dining rooms.  But first, we changed one of our French Restaurant reservations to the Italian restaurant onboard the ship.  Although it is one of the line's specialty restaurants, we are not impressed by Italian eateries, as they are a dime a dozen in the NYC area. 

I decided to have the Onion soup and the NY Strip steak.  Sadly, I was not impressed by the soup, as there wasn't enough cheese on top to balance out the flavor of the onions. However, the steak was as good as I remembered - not good enough for a place like Gallagher's in NYC, but good enough to enjoy on a cruise ship.  As we were about to finish our meal, we saw our friend again, and decided to meet up with her after she finished her dinner.

When we finally caught up with each other, we got a drink from the bar (a big mistake) and went to the buffet area where we could talk without shouting over the din of others yammering away.  Around 10 pm, we parted and agreed to meet tomorrow for another breakfast.

A long drive to see someone who has a short time left to him.

 

What else can I start the day with but a mention of a long drive?  My cousin has terminal cancer, and I wanted to see him in the hospice while he's still alert and able to appreciate the visit.  (I wish I could have done this for my uncle in California, but he died before I had the chance to do so.  This is why I'm spending a day on the road, which I'd rather spend packing for my upcoming trip.)

- - - - - -

This would be a day I had to spend as Mario.  So I took my ID and money out of my female wallet and transferred it to my male wallet.  When one lives in two genders, one has to always be aware of the gender in which one is presenting and who one is meeting during the day.  It can be a major scheduling effort some days, but one well worth the effort when one is forced to live this way, female to close friends, family and many acquaintances, while male to others.  Otherwise, one can easily be outed when one is not ready to do so.

Around noon, I set out for New Jersey.  Although I hit some traffic, I was able to reach my cousin's nursing home/hospice around 2:00 pm.  (The minute one sees the land the church owns here, one can make a justification to eliminate the income tax exemption given to religious entities.  But I digress....) I drove into the complex, and about 1/4 mile into it was the nursing home/hospice which my cousin was admitted into yesterday.  They had no official receptionist by the door, so I had to rap a few times before I was let in.  And then the nurse showed me the way to where my cousin was sitting.

When I first saw my cousin, he looked like he was at death's door, and it got slammed on him a few times.  His arms were black and blue (likely from the times they had to put a needle in his veins, or from the blood thinners he likely takes - I should ask my niece about this one day) and he could barely talk.  We made conversation for a few minutes before my other cousin arrived.  I talked a little bit more, but saw that my cousin was very tired - and it was time for us to depart.

On my way home, I called Vicki to find out that I had double booked events for tomorrow.  To make room to bring Vicki to the hospital and back for a day surgery, I had to postpone lunch with my friend from the census.  From having a lunch and dinner get together with separate friends, I was now taking care of Vicki - something I was more in the mood for anyway.

When I arrived home, it was time to fold laundry.  I have underwear and socks to last me for the cruise.  Now, all I have to do is fill up my suitcases....

It'll be nice to get back into a dress tomorrow.

A nice day with RQS, taken down a bit by medical news

 

No, I didn't eat any Hot Dogs today.  But I did eat some Chinese/Shanghainese Meatballs with RQS today. And then we went to Governor's Island for Open House NY and the Billion Oyster Project.

But first, I'll start at the end of the day.....

On our way home, I received a text message from my niece once removed (we're of the same age, give or take a few years.)   She told me that my cousin has pancreatic cancer, and that he will be moved to hospice in a few days.  This was not good news for many reasons, one of which was that I intended to get information from him regarding our mutual grandparents.  (I guess this is the least important thing now.)  So I will switch my ID from my female wallet to my male wallet and drive to Poughkeepsie to see him one last time.  

So now, with the better part of the day....

I got up early and dug out one of my fall/winter dresses from my closet.  Given that the overnight temperatures were in the 40's around here, I had to dress for two seasons - and neither of them that well. Luckily, I had a small day pack, in which I could stuff my denim jacket in case I needed it.  Yet, even with this dress, I felt a little bit warm - especially later when walking around Governor's Island.

RQS and I met at a Michelin rated Dim Sum joint near Penn Station: Nan Xiang Xiao Long Bao.  We feasted all too well - both of us were stuffed by the time the last of our 6 dishes arrived.  As much as I enjoyed the Soup Dumplings (their specialty), I enjoyed their udon noodles even more.  This is a great place to eat, and well worth the money we spent for the meal.

Our next stop was Governor's Island.  We took the 7th Avenue local to South Ferry, and made it to the Governor's Island ferry in time for the 2:30 shuttle to the island.  While waiting in line, both of us noticed a large number of Orthodox (and some Ultra Orthodox) Jews taking a day trip to the island.  Both of us commented in our own ways - are you sure we aren't on the ferry to Williamsburg?  (I also made a comment that I was reminded of J.H.Marx's (Groucho Marx's) reputed remark (which he denied) when chatting with a woman with 10 children - "I like my cigar too, but I take it out once in a while.") 

Once on the island, we walked to the Billion Oyster Project, (one of the places listed in this year's OHNY open houses) where the guide was describing their organization's function and telling our group about their efforts to restore oysters to NYC's marine habitat.  Although they will not be eaten, due to the pollution in our waters, they will help the region clean up its waters.  Unfortunately, the guide wanted to lead the group to the other side of the island - and we gave up after a 1+ mile(s) of walking.  At that point, we returned to the ferry and returned to Manhattan.

All too soon, our day ended.  I'll have to make preparations to see my cousin now, because he may not be back when I return from my upcoming cruise.

Odd Stuff Going On Here!

 

As I write this, it's 2  weeks before Election Day.  No matter what happens, I expect to see some serious problems resulting from the election.  Did the Orange Cry Baby Win?  Did the Orange Cry Baby Lose?  Right now, it looks like he's doing his best to undermine election results if he loses, and is trying to rally his cult members to do what they feel they have to in order to put their cult leader in charge of this country.

One of my Facebook Friends (a loose acquaintance at best) has drunk the MAGA Kool-Aid.   She loves to post anti-Democrat memes, even when objective evidence is all against her.  No amount of evidence can prove to a cult member that their view of the world is wrong - something from inside must trigger the self transformation.  The older one gets and the stronger a belief is held, the harder it is to see objective reality.

Why do I mention this?

In the case of the Orange Cry Baby, I worry that we'll see a repeat of the theme of January 6, 2021 - force the election to the house, and the GOP will put the Cry Baby in the White House.  I pray that this doesn't happen.

- - - - - -

Now that I've gotten my worries out of the way for now, I'd like to mention that I picked RQS's luggage up from her house, so that she need not schlep it on the subway and then onto Metro North to get here before our second Bermuda cruise together.  We had a nice meal together, and then it was time to leave.  Her neighbor was in the hall, and I was dressed as Marian, so I chose to wait a few minutes before leaving her apartment.

Just before leaving, DCD called - and I returned his call while on the road.  He's finally got my old car on the road, and it is enabling him to go to work.  No, he isn't earning that much.  But the car is doing what I wanted for it to do for him - have a way to get to work and start rebuilding his life.  We talked about a lot of things, and he was a little embarrassed about the mistakes he has made in his life.  I told him NOT to live in the past.  He can't change it, and dwelling there is not a good thing.  Instead, focus on today, and let tomorrow take care of itself.

When I got home, I found that I couldn't make reservations at the restaurant that RQS and I wanted to go to for Thanksgiving.  So I hunted around and found an acceptable place (a steakhouse) that is serving a traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  Hopefully, this place will be as nice as the place we wanted to go to.  And if a place opens up at Hudson House, we'll drop the old reservation and make a new one there.

I did plenty of nothing, and nothing's plenty for me. (a short post)

 

It was the day after my flu/covid shots, and I didn't have much energy to do much of anything today.  Yes, I got things ready for me to get dressed after a shower, but that's as far as I got today.

- - - - - -

I have found that I need an extra push to get anything done lately.  If there is something scheduled for me to do outside of the apartment, I'll end up doing it - especially when Marian's presence is expected.  There is something that energizes me when I'm able to be out as Marian.

My original plans were to do some laundry in the morning, then go out and see a movie in the evening.  Obviously, neither of these things happened.  Instead, it was time to do two loads of laundry.  It's not the most exciting thing to do, but it has to get done before RQS arrives here.

While starting to get myself moving, I opened my large suitcase to unpack what's left inside of it. I found that one of the soda cans I had packed from my cruise had leaked, but I haven't found out what it leaked into.  I guess it'll all come out in the wash.

- - - - - -

Sometime over the next few days, I'll have to unpack my winter wardrobe.  In it are some long sleeved dresses that I wear as tunics over leggings.  Thinking of leggings, I just ordered 3 pairs from Universal Standard.  Hopefully, they will feel as nice as the one pair from them that I already own.

The day after the cruise - back to reality

 

It's 10 pm and I'm back to reality.  There are two baskets of laundry waiting to be put into the washer, a bed to be straightened out before I go to sleep, and a dress to hang up for its next wearing.  I'm home, and I wish I were already on my next cruise.

- - - - - -

Although I woke up early after a short sleep, I didn't bother to get moving until noon.  There were clothes in a laundry basket left unfolded since before the cruise that had to be taken care of.  Of course, I was doing this on an empty stomach, as there was no fresh food in the house to eat.  About the only things I had to eat at home other than dried pasta and bottled tomato sauce were packages of instant oatmeal.  And that sated my hunger for a while.

Later on, I decided to get dressed and go out as Marian.  Once I showered, shaved and made up my face, I noticed one thing - I couldn't find the belt I normally wear with the dress I was wearing.  So, I knew what I had to do - shop!  This meant that I'd drive out to Paramus to see what Lane Bryant had lying around.  About 45 minutes later, I was in the store and carrying a bag with 2 belts and a necklace. 

Now that I spent most of my my discretionary money, I decided to have some dinner at a local diner. I chose the seafood over pasta - and I was stuffed!  I was lucky that the meal I ordered didn't include dessert, as I'd have to take it home in a pooch pouch.  And then, I was finally on my way home for the night with a quick stop at the supermarket to put something in the ice box.

Reality wasn't bad to me today - it's nice to sleep in my own bed again.

Bermuda Cruise 2024 #1 - Port Day (10/02/24)

 

The day opened with us rushing out to breakfast, so that we could make a 10:15 am bus to the Crystal Caves.  This time, we made it to the MDR, and enjoyed a leisurely meal before going outside to meet the bus that would take us to the caves.

Riding any bus in Bermuda is a trip.  No, I don't mean that the ride would be uncomfortable, or strange things would happen on the ride.  Instead, one will see beautiful vistas on the way to almost any destination, as the main roads often have picturesque ocean views worth capturing on one's camera.  However, it will take at least an hour to get from the Royal Naval Dockyard area to reach St. George or the Crystal Caves.  So make sure one doesn't need to use the rest room until one reaches the destination, as the twists and turns will aggravate one's bladder....

 

When we arrived at the Caves, we didn't know what to expect, save that we'd be underground and that we'd be seeing limestone formations.  We weren't disappointed.  One enters the cave from a point  which is over 125 feet above sea level, and takes a set of staircases to reach sea level.  This is where the tour begins.  After being told the history of the caves, one walks across a pontoon bridge to the far end of the cave, all while being amazed by the rock formations.  At the end of the cave, the tour guide talks a little more, then turns out the lights to give people an idea of what the cave looked like to its first explorers.  And then, it was back out the way we came, getting clammy climbing a staircase with a temperature of 80°f in 95% humidity.  Once outside, the first thing I did was buy a much needed bottle of ice cold water for the two of us.

Next, it was off to see a lighthouse, and then back to the ship.  Although we were back before 2:30 pm, we didn't want to do any more exploring before the ship left port at 4:45 pm. While at the pier, I asked the security guard if I (presenting as Marian) would have trouble with security at the pier if I came with male ID, and he gave a strong NO.  That's all I needed to risk taking the next cruise with RQS presenting as a female.

It was frustrating to know that our stay in Bermuda was being cut short by inclement weather, it was good to know that this was being done for the safety of the cruisers.  Yet, I wish we could have stayed longer  After a short rest, it was off to another specialty dinner, this time at the Butcher's Cut steakhouse.  As expected, the meal was wonderful, but I couldn't finish the lamb chops that were put in front of me.  But, I left enough room for dessert, 3 scoops of lemon sorbet.

After dinner, RQS went to guest services to explain some charges on her account.  We found out that we had been given both a $50 onboard credit and a $50 refund of port fees.  Not bad.  But it couldn't compensate us for the loss of 2 days in Bermuda.  Yet, I doubt that there's much the cruise line could do to make people feel better about the loss of 2 days at this port, especially after reading a letter from the ship's captain telling us that they did try to find other ports that we could visit on this cruise.

By now, I should be back from my cruise.

 

By the time you read this, I should be back from Bermuda.  Last year, I took this ship from the Brooklyn Cruise Terminal and had an almost forgettable trip.  But then, I'd have liked to forget it, as it was mostly 7 days of bad weather sailing, with a port diversion geared to place us in safe waters in between two nasty weather systems.  (I'm glad I wasn't on the cruise after this, as the ship ended up cruising to Canada in Med-December, instead of the Bahamas as originally planned.)

- - - - - - 

RQS and I planned on taking only one Bermuda cruise this year.  But we ended up scheduling two Bermuda cruises.  This will give me a rare opportunity to compare two ships, two cruise lines, two sets of dining & drink packages, and two equivalent cabins.  It's going to be interesting, as we will find out whether RQS likes the price/value equation on MSC enough to consider another trip on this line.

As I'm writing, I am taking care of last minute packing, laundry, and other little things I need to do before going away.  When I get back, I hope to be able to have some interesting things to say about this cruise and entertain you with my commentary. When I sort things out at RQS's house, I'll bet that I've packed way too much for my own good, and may prune things before we go to the pier. 

Although this trip will be done with me presenting as Mario, we're hoping that the next trip will be done with me presenting as Marian.  It'll be nice to wear some pretty dresses for gala nights....

Game night, and I wasn't initially in the mood.

 

Although the above game is often played at game night, tonight was not the night for it.  Instead, we played a card collection game which I do poorly at, but enjoy the company of the crew at our Host & Hostess's house.

- - - - - -

But first....

The weather was crappy again today, and this meant that the driveway work originally scheduled for Tuesday and rescheduled for Friday won't be done until next week.  AARGH!  That means I will need to visit my brother and leave my car at his place for a week.  Considering that I only trust him to drive the car AND that I hate giving up my keys to anyone, I will feel a little bit naked and vulnerable when my brother drops me off at RQS's place on Saturday.

Around 5:00, I started to get ready for game night.  It would likely be the last time I would be presenting as Marian for the better part of a week.  But once ready, I sped to Yonkers (I was late as usual) and made it for the second game of the night.  Because the weather would likely be a little chilly, I decided to wear a flowing tunic top over leggings - the first visible female garments other than dresses and shoes that I've worn since early Spring.  Given the humidity, I should have stuck to  one of my dresses.  At least I know I have to start rotating my clothes for the season soon.

Was I glad to get out of the house?  Yes.  I needed somewhere other than my apartment to be in for part of the night.  But I'm also sad that I will need to present as Mario as soon as Saturday comes.

I'd have never dreamed how free I feel these days

 

Yesterday, I outed myself as a part of getting a new BJ's card.  As a Transgender person, I have a sense of freedom being able to control how I out myself to others.  In the past, I tried to hide the fact that I am transgender. Now, I use caution in outing myself.  Yet, I am often taken for a cisgender female in many interactions.  This is a good feeling.

The other day, I went to a fast food joint and used the drive up window.  Using the best female voice I could muster, I ordered my food - and was taken for a female without anyone seeing me.  My voice is getting better, but it is far from perfect. And this woman's unseen acknowledgement of my femininity made me feel good.

One of the nice things about being out in the world as much as I've been as a TG woman, the more I'm taken simply as a cisgender female.  Although I have no interest in the male of our species, it would be nice if some male found me attractive as a female.  (Mind you, with this would come risk - men often have a hard time taking NO for an answer - and even worse.)  The more that I'm seen as a female (without qualification) the freer I will feel.  

All of this makes me want to participate in more women's groups.  Sadly, my past experiences on exploring being out as a female has closed many of these doors to me in my area of suburbia.  I figure that RQS and I may need to find a neighborhood that suits both of our needs, so that I can build a better social network with people who need not have any clues that I was once someone other than the Marian they are seeing.

Getting back to "Normal" - some thoughts about normal

 

In less than 2 weeks, I'll be on the first cruise to Bermuda for the year.  So, one of the things I have to do is pack for the cruise.  Since this cruise is being taken as Mario 😒, I won't be able to dress up nice to have a good photo taken of RQS and I together.  At least, I have almost 2 weeks' of clothes for my male presentation that I can pack in advance, as I don't wear them that often anymore.

Given that the first of the two cruises will be taken on MSC, RQS will get a chance to see why I'm ambivalent about taking cruises on this line after the treatment we've gotten used to on Princess and NCL. Do I think RQS will enjoy the cruise?  Yes.  Or, I wouldn't have decided on taking this trip.  However, I think that she, like myself, will use MSC only for inexpensive getaways.  There will be one benefit of us taking this first trip to Bermuda, followed by another one several weeks later - I can ask the pier personnel whether my "sister" would have problems getting back on the ship, showing her male, legal ID.

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Recently, my brother has prodded me to take care of paperwork required to get our dad's birth certificate.  When I went down to NYC to get dad's birth certificate, I found that I had to mail in the application, and not pick it up in person.  AARGH!  One of the tasks I'll be taking care of today is filling out the paperwork, sending in a copy of my birth certificate, dad's death certificate, and a check for $45 to cover NYC's paperwork charges.  Hopefully, we will get a quick response on this, as I'd like to get this over and done with soon.

- - - - - -

The other day, I started to notice a small gap forming between the caulking on the tub and the tiles on the bathroom wall nearest the bathtub's hot and cold faucets.  Today, I applied new caulk to fill in the gap, and hopefully keep things from getting worse for a while.  If in the future I need to do more about this, I may call in Bath Fitter to take care of all plumbing related issues.  At that time, I'll put in a liner over the bathtub area to make it look new, a new toilet, and a new vanity/sink combination.  After this, I'll take care of installing a new medicine cabinet and I will have an up-to-date bathroom.  (There goes another bucket list vacation!)

- - - - - -

Next week, I will have to park my car on the street outside my apartment complex, as we are getting our driveway resealed and restriped.  I have to make sure that I am home early enough one night, so that I don't have to walk far to my car the next morning.

- - - - - -

If there is one thing I can say to my trans friends out there it would be: Being able to be your true self doesn't eliminate the day to day problems from your life. Instead, it allows you to focus on the solution to those problems with one less distraction.

Game Night - Finally, an evening out as Marian!

 

Now that I'm back in New York, I can finally get back outside as Marian.  Yay!  I was starting to get very tired of wearing trousers....

- - - - - -

This morning, I woke up early and took it easy most of the day.  While relaxing, I received a message from the president of the co-op, asking me to move some money from our savings account to our operating account.  This will allow us to start a property improvement that our resident shareholders will notice.  However, I had to instruct the site representative about the scheduling of this work, as I didn't want to take the risk that my building's work would be delayed until I was away.  Luckily, I was able to get this fixed.  Rank does have its privileges.

While thinking of the co-op, I've had a problem sending messages to the co-op's board members.  One member's email address changed. Yet, my system had continued to send email to her old address.  It took me an hour to resolve this Gmail problem, and I did it the brute force way - I deleted her entry in my address book, edited the email list, and did all sorts of things until I got it working right.  Yay!

- - - - - -

Shortly after visiting the bank to transfer co-op money, I got some lunch from Mickey D's and sat down at my computer for a while.  I paid some bills and sorted out paperwork needed to get my dad's birth certificate.  Unfortunately, I had a GI Tract issue which required some cleanup.  I found out that I hated the mop I was using, and decided to replace it when I had the chance.

A little later, I drove to Game Night, and had a good time.  Today was different than usual - I was on the winning team for the two games I had the chance to play.  All too soon, the night had to end.  But I had one more stop to make - the supermarket.  And that's where I bought a new mop, as well as some food which we could eat over the weekend.

All in all, it was a good day, in spite of the mess I had to clean up.

I did nothing I needed to do, save for going to the dentist

 

Although I used to go to the dentist as Mario, I now usually appear at the dentist's office as Marian. I don't remember how this started, but I'm glad I could do so. I only wish I could do so with more people in my life. But, sadly, this is not yet possible.

- - - - - -

This morning, I woke up after not getting enough sleep.  I thought I'd be tired throughout the day, but I was wrong.  Around 1 pm, I got showered, dressed, and made up to go out for the day - just in time to make it to my 2 pm appointment at the dentist's office for my 3x yearly teeth cleaning.  after a little chit chat, I was out the door by 2:45, and off to get something to eat.

My next stop was in Peekskill, where I stopped for pizza.  After that, it was off to the supermarket to pick up tonight's dinner, and some ribs RQS and I could eat tomorrow night.  Once I got home, I put my goodies in the ice box, then rested.  Did I do laundry?  No.  Did I pack for my upcoming trip?  No.  As I said in the title of this entry, I did nothing except for going to the dentist - and I feel good about this.

We've just booked another cruise! (a short post)

 

RQS and I have booked another cruise!  Yes, we must be gluttons for punishment, as we will be sailing into the Bermuda Triangle twice in a little over a month. 😀

- - - - - -

Being serious, the idea of taking this cruise came about because RQS saw some cheap prices, and wanted to jump on one.  One problem - she might be biting off more than she can chew, and I'll end up helping her out more than I might have planned.  (We already have another Autumn cruise booked and an Alaskan cruise booked for next year.)  I guess that I'll have to be the voice of reason for our choices of vacations in the future.

I like the idea of taking this cruise, as it will allow me to compare apples to apples when evaluating two Bermuda cruises. (I have another blog, SlowTravel101, in which I post entries about cruising and other "slow" methods of getting from place to place while vacationing.)  The comparison between the two cruises should be published sometime in the next two or three months.  If all goes right, I will likely go on the second of these cruises as Marian - the way I prefer to travel.

- - - - - -

On other matters, I just got off of a co-op board meeting, and none of us are happy.  Our managing agent's site representative didn't show up again, and we were more than just disappointed by this. We haven't been happy with the quality of services being provided lately, and we needed to discuss this now.  Additionally, there are other issues that may cause us grief, and it looks like we'll soon be going back to twice monthly meetings until we get some of our issues resolved.

Hopefully, my duties to the co-op board won't interfere with the cruises RQS and I will be taking.