I often find myself thinking of mistakes I made in the past and what I could have done differently. No, I can not change the past, nor do I regret many of the decisions I have made. Instead, I want to learn as much as possible from my past, and make sure that I don't make similar mistakes in the future.
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When crossing a road, we are taught to look both ways before crossing. Now, I look both at the past and my future to figure out what I want to do next in life. For example, I looked at my most recent past relationship, and realized that I needed to place a higher emphasis on communication in a relationship, instead of just getting along too smoothly. I also look at the future, and wonder if someone like FH would be what I need. She is not shy about making her needs known to me, and can drive me up the wall sometimes while doing so - and I'm glad she can do this, given the failure of my recent past.
I also wonder whether I should stay in the workforce as a full time worker, and whether I would work as Mario or Marian. If I were to get a receptionist or office worker type position, I want to work as Marian. There is something I like about appearing as a professional woman that fits my image of myself as Marian. Yet, I like the image of a technical worker that I was as Mario. Which path should I choose if both were to be open to me at the same time?
It's not easy making these decisions, as I will have to live with them for a long while. But I am glad that I'm in a position to make these decisions, instead of being held back by fear.
