Exchanging emails, a helpful lunch, zooming with Texas, and another lost friend.

 

Well, I had an exchange of emails with the ex, and I found out that either the leader doesn't want me at the meetup, or that the ex doesn't really want me there.  I have learned to distrust anomalous situations.  However, something good came of this exchange - we said a lot more in the exchange than we said when we were together.  No, I won't go into details here, but let's say that our problems were set in motion by a clash in communication styles, a few mistakes from me, and fear on her part.  I can easily say that if we understood each other's methods of communication, we'd have been able to be friends. But I have many doubts that this is possible, as I feel that she is still holding in way too much anger towards me to risk having that friendship.  So this put my mood for the day into a "down" mode, and I was glad I had lunch with a friend coming up.

There are only a handful of times that I have ever felt so down when someone leaves my life. And it always has been a woman who triggers this depressed feeling.  The ex triggered it last year, and it still plagues me.  Today was a day I needed to talk with someone, and FL was my scheduled lunch date.  She made me feel a lot better, telling me two things of note.  First, she noted that many women are socialized to be excessively nice, and do not stand up for themselves in ways that men will understand.  As a result, when women finally get to the point where they can't stand something, men have totally misread their mates and the women are ready to exit. (It doesn't help that many men don't know how to restrain themselves physically. But that's another issue - and I'll side with women here.)  This was likely the case with the ex and me.  Second, she gave me a clue of how I should bring up my bi-gender nature with a new woman, noting how what I said to her caused her to have issues. (I won't go into this here and now.  Maybe I will at some future date.)  I'm grateful that she wants to be a good friend.

Later on, I had my Zoom meeting with the folks from Texas.  There were only the three of us ladies on the line, and we had a good chat.  I couldn't help but to note my depressed state, and I was glad that these two women were there for me.  

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You may wonder why I didn't call Vicki today, when I really needed to be with and talk with friends.  First, she's the type of close friend who I can call on for almost anything.  But I can't call on her often.  She'd be upset at me if I were to mention the ex, as Vicki feels that the ex is playing a game with me.  And she could be right.  I wonder what will happen in the other meetup groups next year when Covid-19 is "extinguished."  I'll deal with that problem when it comes.

Sometime soon, I expect another email from the ex which will trigger more feelings in me.  However, I hope I made her think about some things - not to cause her grief.  Instead, to trigger some introspection, in order to see that we both screwed up big time in the last year we were together.  As much as Vicki would tell me to run away, I wouldn't mind finding a way to have a friendship with the ex.  (I'd hate to feel that extreme sense of loss again, especially twice triggered by the same woman.)

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On other matters, I have been trying to find a close friend who has totally gone off the grid. WDS was my best man at my wedding, and I was there for him when his wife died. Even after a few years of not seeing each other, when he found out that I got a new job, he gifted me a top of the line iPad. We emailed each other every few months, and last communicated in May. Well, I tried to reach him by email several times, and no response.  Given that we are living in the age of the pandemic, I have grown very concerned for him. So I read through our past emails, and found the name of someone who helped him Agility train his dog. And I sent an email to this person (after doing a Google search for her), asking if she knows how to contact him.  Hopefully, I'll be able to locate him, alive and kicking.  Given that he lives in Florida (a high Covid-19 infection rate state) and that he has a minimal traceable presence, it would be nice if this person can give me a phone number, or tell me what happened to him.  I'd hate to find out that I lost another friend, and that he left no instructions to contact people like me.

 

PS:  He finally responded to my email.  In the past, he'd respond quickly.  After my follow up, I asked for his phone number.  No reply yet on that request.