The title of today's entry is misleading, as it leaves out the context of how one memorizes things. In my case, I have driven to a particular town in Jersey many times, and I could get there very easily from TCL's house. However, since MWL takes a different way to the same town via back roads, I can't seem to remember the route because I'm not driving the route.
In the past, I didn't need to develop a form of mental muscle memory for routes from one town to another. Now, I have to drive them a couple of times to pick up on the details my subconscious needs to know to do the route by myself. This makes me worry a little about whether my memory is starting to betray me. But I'm remembering enough things to make me realize that things are normal for a person my age, and that it'll take much more for me to be at risk for major or rapid cognitive decline.
There's a part of me that wishes I could selectively forget things. Yet, in many ways, I'm glad I can't forget some things. Forgetting things makes it possible to make the same mistakes again. And I don't want that. When I started going out as Marian, I needed encouragement and help to continue doing so. For this, I will take a former friend for being there when I needed her. Although there was one person who said I should be proud of what I accomplished, I feel sad that this person couldn't accept me for the person I became. These are the types of memories I'd like to forget.
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Yet, I ask myself: "What would happen if I go further down this path?" Would I want to forget more of my past, and manufacture a new one for public consumption? That I will never know. All I can say that I wish I had a roadmap for the future. And this doesn't exist yet.
2 comments:
I sometimes wonder if life WOULD be easier if we had a road map of the future. But then I think how scared I would be if I did know what is to come of me and the rest of the world.
Michelle -
A road map for the little things that could help make/keep me happy might be a good thing. But I certainly wouldn't want to know too much about the future. It might sadden me too much - especially if I were helpless to change that future.
M
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