One of the problems I've been having lately is that I'm too exhausted by the end of the day to do much of anything. It could be clinical depression. Or, it could be that I am no longer able to put in 40 hours of work every week.
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When the pandemic started, I got into a rut and let my apartment get too messy for me to have my cleaning lady come back. Now that she is able to work again, I haven't been able to call her in - my place is too much of a mess. It'll take me a while to dig myself out of the mess. But at least I can still present myself as an attractive person outside the apartment. (I use "attractive" loosely here, as I am not pretty by female standards.) Yet, if I devote a little time to the process of mess clean up every day, I will finally get my place in order.
Why do I mention the state of my apartment? Well, I believe that the apartment reflects my current place in my path towards femininity. Not everything goes as expected. None of us gets on this path and has everything go smoothly. I lost a girlfriend (in part) because of this path. Yet, I have no regrets. I miss one former friend because of my stupidity. Yet, I've grown stronger because of her exit from my life. This has been a benefit to me. I'm in my second job where I can go as Marian. Yet, I still have to maintain my identity as Mario. Finding romance is complicated, as I can never be sure of how a woman will react to my identity as Marian.
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Travel along this path can be exhausting, and I have no regrets. I'm finally out and about as my real self. And who can say that this is a bad thing?
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