Who'd have thought 2 years ago that we'd still be feeling the effects of the pandemic on society? Over the past few months, most of us have been living "normal" lives. Yet, there have been sporadic shortages which have affected our lives in ways we'd have never expected - such as the lack of computer chips creating a shortage of cars on dealer lots. Although most people I work with don't fear catching the virus (we're all vaccinated, and the Omicron wave hasn't been as painful as expected), we still cringe if we see people who aren't wearing masks.
In 2020, I felt energized to go to work as Marian. This year, it's normal - but the work exhausts me. I still enjoy wearing a dress, and I'm much more comfortable wearing women's trouser like garments than I was in the past. Yet, I'm likely going to call it an end of a career soon, as I'm simply tired of feeling tired most of the time. I'll likely be in trousers more often, as I have reasons to spend more time as Mario these days.
Does this mean I'll be giving up my dresses? Absolutely not! It means that I again have a life that calls for the presence of Mario. I have not changed. My circumstances have changed. And this will mean that my scheduling of Marian and Mario time will get more complicated, as I will be doing more switching back and forth between the genders, as I did years ago.
So what am I tired of? It's not of being Marian. I'm much more comfortable as Marian than I am as Mario. But that doesn't mean I'm uncomfortable as Mario. I'm simply tired of all the other energy sucking factors in my life that make it hard to enjoy the place in life I've worked hard to achieve.
I never thought I'd be feeling this way many years ago. Is this what being old is all about?
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