The other day, I had a conversation with my friend Vicki. She's been a good friend for several decades now, and I've learned to deal with her style of communication. But there was something in this most recent conversation that got brought my attention to something not being said.
But first....
Vicki and I have been trying to have a chat for a while. Either she's been too busy at work, or I've been too busy in my own life. So, it was nice to be able to catch up with her on the phone after dinner the other day. (Normally, we'd have already scheduled a dinner, but she has a cough that isn't going away soon. So, a phone call had to do.) I don't know how to describe Vicki's style other than to say that she is a dominant person who forgets that sometimes, she has to listen to others more and not try to solve problems that are not ready to be solved. And this is what got to me a little in our chat.
We started out with Vicki talking about her cough, and how little could be done about it. She didn't have Covid-19, or any other of the ailments that could explain the cough. Instead, the docs told her that the bug she has is viral, and she'll have to wait until it's gone. Then, we talked about Vicki's retirement planning - when she'll retire, where she will relocate (for tax purposes), and how she will divest herself of a New York presence to qualify as a resident of another state. (Any more details, and I'll go into things that should be kept private.) Like most people, she will have a lot on her plate to take care of when she transitions from a working person to a retired person. But I digress....
Our conversation shifted to my long term plans with RQS, And that's where the part of Vicki's personality that I don't like came out. Neither RQS nor myself has been able to figure out how we'd merge our households, nor have we figured out where we'd live. We both feel that we need to rid ourselves of a lot of the clutter in our apartments before we even try to figure out how to combine households. Once I mentioned that we're with each other 3 or 4 days out of 7, she started to try to solve the problems RQS and I would need to deal with in a few years - and this was off putting. These problems are a few years in front of us yet, and I had to remind Vicki that we're living in the present, and not dwelling in the future or the past. We'll deal with these issues closer to the time they come up, as we're busy with issues of the present. Eventually, Vicki got the hint and apologized - she sensed what she was doing, and noted that it is a problem that she has....
The rest of our chat went well, and ended a few minutes later when her coughing got the better of her. Hopefully, the cough will go away soon, so that we can finally get together for dinner again.
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