Sometimes, it can seem overwhelming.

 

Years ago, I used this tool to generate a more feminine version of my face, given the photo on the left. As of today, I'm still far from the surgery which would turn my face into a more androgynous version of the face I see every morning.  But first, I have to lose some weight.

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With that being noted, I try to focus first on the little things I can do now that will show a positive result quickly.  So I have taken this idea and started to apply it around my apartment.  Today, I started to restore the order that I destroyed when I moved media cases out of the way for the installation of my new refrigerator. By taking the CDs out of the storage containers I had temporarily placed them, sorting them back into some sort of order, and putting them back into the media shelves where they belong.  This took the better part of 2 hours, but it was worth every minute, as I gained a square yard in my living room that was formerly used by storage containers.

It'll take a long time for me to get my apartment in the shape I want.  But, by taking the approach of doing a little at a time when I can do something, I'll gradually see results.  If I focus on all the tasks that need to be done, I'll get overwhelmed and nothing will get done.  Soon, when my money supply has been refreshed, I think about more work to be done in my bathroom.  My vanity has seen better years, and I want to install both a new vanity/sink and a new toilet.  (My current toilet is in an ugly shade of yellow, and I want my new one to be in white.)  If I can, I'll ask about new electric wiring, so that I can replace the medicine cabinet (with built in lights and electric outlet) with something that looks nice and meets both my needs and the needs of current electrical code.

Once I'm done with the "easy stuff", it will be time to tackle something more difficult - redoing my kitchen.  I'm tired of 40 y/o linoleum, as well as ugly cabinets, an ugly counter top, and a poor placement of my refrigerator.  Reworking the kitchen layout could allow me to move my oven a little, and replace it with a full sized (30") unit. The only question is when this could take place, as I will not be able to live here while much of this work goes on.

I'll focus on the little things which will make this place more comfortable.  Many of those tasks will involve eliminating the clutter that wastes space.  I'll feel sad to get rid of perfectly good furniture.  But getting rid of things that no longer serve my needs will make life much more comfortable.  And isn't that what everyone should want in old age?

Cleaning out a closet - not much to say about today.

 

I'm not much of a believer in the principles of Feng Shui.  But I agree with this post, that having a messy apartment, as well as messy closets are bad for someone's health.  Excessive clutter reflects problems that a person has and must be dealt with.  Today, RQS and I attacked the closet in my hallway.

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RQS has been at my place from Friday to Wednesday, and on two of those days, it was too hot to do anything outside.  So, after a mild amount of prodding, I shifted our cleanup focus from making the bedroom neater to attacking the mess in the closet.  By the time we were done, we had 4 large bags to be donated to charity, as well as some garbage bags for the dumpster.

By the time we were done with the closet, it was too late to go out.  (This would have been a day spent as Marian if we had gone out.  But I digress.)  There wasn't much to do, now that Labor day festivities ended.  So we stayed in our jammies and watched a couple of movies and some old reruns. 

Although RQS has to go home to take care of some things, she'll be back this weekend.  Hopefully, we'll again find some inexpensive lobster to boil, and we can have another feast while the crustaceans are in season.  Until then, I'll get back to paying my bills and doing laundry, so that RQS can feel comfortable when she returns.

Less is More

Lately, I've been driven to gradually eliminate clutter from my apartment to make room for the electricians to work on my electrical outlets and switches.   As a result, there is a great improvement on how the apartment looks, and a higher likelihood that I will again have a cleaning lady make regular visits to the apartment.

Looking at the above two pictures, you can easily see an improvement in the appearance of the area around my loveseat. Still, the work is far from done.  I now need to clean up more clutter in my bedroom, and then make room in my downstairs storage compartment to hold stuff that I use on a regular basis.  I'd consider storing containers with out-of-season clothing in this compartment, along with large packages of consumables (i.e. Paper Towels, Toilet Paper, etc.) that need not be kept in the apartment proper.

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I liken this process to answering the question:

How do you eat an elephant?

The answer given is:

One bite at a time.

That's the philosophy that RQS and I have been taking with cleaning out our respective apartments.  Both of us are dealing with the emotional value of objects.  With RQS, it is furniture and glassware inherited from family members.  With me, it is furniture and glassware inherited from my late wife, as well as some items gifted to me years ago.

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This evening, I watched a YouTube video on how to tell if you have too much stuff.  I'd say that most people of my generation have had to deal with this problem.  This has been a problem of mine for years now, and I feel that I must attack it while I'm still healthy enough to do so.  In the past 12 months, I must have donated 8-10 large bags filled with unwanted items and clothes and delivered them to a nearby donation center.  I have also given away 6+ boxes of unwanted books to a local library's thrift shop.  And I'm not done yet.

Part of decluttering is to provide temporary organization to the things one wants to keep, so that space can be made to hold things that are to be given away or trashed.  Once enough space is available, one removes the scaffolding of the temporary organization, and repeats the process until enough clutter has been eliminated to make a home feel comfortable again.  In my case, I have also taken on a philosophy that old things that are needed, but no longer are comfortable or reliable (i.e. worn out sofas and mattresses, and TVs that no longer work properly) should be replaced as needed to create a more comfortable living space. This means that I will be improving what's left in my home.

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Hopefully, in a few months or so, I will have a place that I will feel comfortable having guests in again. Until then, it will be a process of pruning what I own to a level where I consider the apartment a home, and not just a cramped nest....

I didn't really want to go to game night, but I made myself do so.

 

My mind has been on overload lately.  First, it was the tile wall in the bathroom failing. Next, it was scheduling repair work on the wall to begin over the weekend.  And then, it was being told that the electricians will start their work replacing electrical outlets next week.  So, in addition to my regularly scheduled social appointments both as Marian and as Mario, I have to appear as Mario when the handyman is here on the weekend, and when the electrician is working in my apartment.  AARGH!!!  (At least, I can get in some Marian time when I go to my dentist.)

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Since I wanted to leave tomorrow open for last minute tasks, I spent today working slowly on cutting down on the clutter in the apartment, and then doing some laundry.  By the time I was done, I was not really in the mood to go to play games.  But, given that it'd be another 4 weeks before I'd get the chance to be with this group again, I forced myself to get showered and dressed, then out the door as Marian.

As usual, I got to Yonkers a bit late and missed the first game.  Then I got involved in the second game of the night, and did tolerably well until the very end of the game.  Yet, I had fun.  Sadly, there was some bad news.  The host/hostess' new dog (a 5 y/o rescue) bit one of the guests and had to be kept away from the group.  I'll bet that this dog may have been abused once and has yet to unlearn coping behavior, as none of the rescue dogs my dad adopted (including one that was abused) ever drew blood after living with my dad.  (Yes, this may be flawed reasoning, but it reflects my feelings on the matter.)

I would have liked to have participated in more conversation and less game playing tonight.  But I can't always get what I want.  At least, RQS and I had a nice chat on my way home, and we set our game plan for the weekend....

The high point of my day would be an evening Zoom Meeting

 

Yesterday, I did some serious "damage" to the clutter in my living room/dining room areas of my apartment.  Today, it was time to toss out all the garbage, rearrange things, and finding homes for things displaced from their previous storage spaces.  After yesterday, I didn't need any strenuous work, and I made sure not to do any.

So, I did a little bit more decluttering work, putting books in donation boxes, and others into the remaining bookshelves that I have in the apartment.  Yet, for the most part, I wasted time during the day, and I didn't get showered, dressed and out of the house until 6:15 pm.  And it was time to get something to eat before my zoom meeting.

At the diner, I was served by a woman who was the spitting image (and voice) of someone I worked with several years ago.  I knew that she was a doppelganger for my former coworker, as my coworker lived on Staten Island with her husband.  There was no way that she'd leave project management to be a waitress.  But I'd have loved to ask the waitress about her ethnic origins, just so I could ask if she had a doppelganger relative from the Philippines living in the USA.

All too soon, I had to rush home for my zoom meeting.  (The picture above is how I appeared before everyone started signing on to the meeting.)  I can't wait for all of us to meet in Chicago in two and a half months' time.  Four gals on the town in the big city - we won't have enough time to do it all on this trip, so we may have to schedule something for next year soon....

Getting rid of clutter - my apartment is a mess for now!

 

I've been taking my time in my efforts to clean out the clutter in my apartment.  The above picture illustrates an intermediate point in today's set of tasks at hand. 

But first....

There were 4 things on my docket for today:

1. Calling the appliance service person to figure out what can be done about my refrigerator and the overflow of the drip pan below the refrigerator's condenser.
2. Bringing my car to Mavis Tires to get its yearly New York State safety/emissions inspection.
3. Getting my ear piercings widened, so that I can more easily wear pierced earrings as Marian.
   
4. Donating a box of books to a local library's thrift store.

I had no plans to work on the stuff behind the loveseat (almost completely hidden by things in the center of the picture).  But I wanted a feeling of accomplishment, and I didn't get enough of it lately.

 

Around 8:00 am, I was awakened by the appliance service person.  It was good to finally chat with him.  After some back and forth, I got the feeling that he didn't want to waste my money when I could (for the most part) fix it myself - with minimal input from him.  Once I sent him the above picture, he clarified that the Screw/Bolt near the top of the picture above had to be turned to raise this corner of my refrigerator.

Finally knowing what needed to be done and how to do it, I got to work on this task.  I found my socket set (there was a lot of grime on the box), took out the correct socket and wrench, and raised the corner a little.  Let's hope that this did the job.  I'll find out over the next couple of weeks.

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Next came my trip to Mavis Tires.  This was the only reason that I went out in a male presentation today.  Unfortunately, the two nearby stores had problems with their new machines which print inspection stickers.  They couldn't do the job today, and they didn't know when they could do so.  (Could a trip down to the local mechanic be in the cards by mid month?)  

Since it was well before noon, I decided to skip dealing with my ear piercings, and go home for the day. On the way, I stopped at the thrift store, and unloaded a box of books from my car.  And then I was home with no plans for the day.

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Around 2:00 pm, I got inspired.  I decided to tackle the task of making space behind the loveseat, and to get rid of some books I haven't read in years.  It's amazing how much I started to find as I went through the clutter.  And it was more amazing that I decided to throw out the long, 2-shelf bookcase I've had for almost 40 years.  (It came with my late wife moving in to this apartment.)  But I started on this task, and found a lot of things that I might keep, donate to charity, or toss in the dumpster.

Although I did more decluttering after I finished the bulk of this entry, I left the place a cluttered mess for the evening, and will remedy this soon.

A conversation with a friend.

 

The other day, I had a conversation with my friend Vicki.  She's been a good friend for several decades now, and I've learned to deal with her style of communication.  But there was something in this most recent conversation that got brought my attention to something not being said.

But first....

Vicki and I have been trying to have a chat for a while.  Either she's been too busy at work, or I've been too busy in my own life.  So, it was nice to be able to catch up with her on the phone after dinner the other day. (Normally, we'd have already scheduled a dinner, but she has a cough that isn't going away soon.  So, a phone call had to do.)  I don't know how to describe Vicki's style other than to say that she is a dominant person who forgets that sometimes, she has to listen to others more and not try to solve problems that are not ready to be solved.  And this is what got to me a little in our chat.

We started out with Vicki talking about her cough, and how little could be done about it.  She didn't have Covid-19, or any other of the ailments that could explain the cough.  Instead, the docs told her that the bug she has is viral, and she'll have to wait until it's gone.  Then, we talked about Vicki's retirement planning - when she'll retire, where she will relocate (for tax purposes), and how she will divest herself of a New York presence to qualify as a resident of another state.  (Any more details, and I'll go into things that should be kept private.)  Like most people, she will have a lot on her plate to take care of when she transitions from a working person to a retired person. But I digress....

Our conversation shifted to my long term plans with RQS, And that's where the part of Vicki's personality that I don't like came out.  Neither RQS nor myself has been able to figure out how we'd merge our households, nor have we figured out where we'd live.  We both feel that we need to rid ourselves of a lot of the clutter in our apartments before we even try to figure out how to combine households.  Once I mentioned that we're with each other 3 or 4 days out of 7, she started to try to solve the problems RQS and I would need to deal with in a few years - and this was off putting.  These problems are a few years in front of us yet, and I had to remind Vicki that we're living in the present, and not dwelling in the future or the past.  We'll deal with these issues closer to the time they come up, as we're busy with issues of the present.  Eventually, Vicki got the hint and apologized - she sensed what she was doing, and noted that it is a problem that she has....

The rest of our chat went well, and ended a few minutes later when her coughing got the better of her.  Hopefully, the cough will go away soon, so that we can finally get together for dinner again.

Ashes - a short post

 

Laffing Sal at the Musee Mecanique

Later this year, RQS and I will be visiting San Francisco on a California Cruise, and I will be showing her some of the places in town that have meaning to me. One of which will be the Musee Mechanique, where Laffing Sal can be found.  But of more importance is the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes.  I haven't paid my respects in over 10 years, and it's time I go back - even for a short visit.

Sooner or later, RQS will need to scatter her late husband's ashes.  And I will be there for her when she does it, as a (now ex) girlfriend was there for me when I scattered my wife's ashes 25+ years ago.  Over time, we all need to scatter the ashes from our past, so that we can get on with living.  This doesn't mean that we forget the past.  Instead, it means we are moving forward into the future.

Both RQS and I are taking the time to clean up our places.  In my case, I'm doing my best to declutter my place, so that required work can be done in my apartment.  I figure that I still have a few months to take care of things, and hope to have the bulk of these things taken care of before my cruise.  It will be nice to again have a place in the basement where I can seasonally store unused items from both of my wardrobes.