Connecting with someone - A short post

 

Today's post will be short.  I had been exchanging emails with someone, and we finally had the chance to chat.  The chat was pleasant, and we will likely have lunch soon.

Why is this important?

Well, to answer that question takes time.  But I'm not going to answer it here.  Instead, I can say that this person was glad that I found someone nice in RQS, and I am glad that she has found someone nice.  It'll be a good thing when we finally meet again.

Reconnecting with people can be both a good and bad thing, depending on the types of ties that bind people together.  One person I know met up with a former roommate for a long weekend, and couldn't wait for that weekend to be over.  Other times, it's like the years that passed were like hours, and things pick up as if nothing happened in between.  In my case, it was good to reconnect.

- - - - - -

Lately, I've been trying to reopen things with a friend from my college days.  A lot of stuff has gone on in his life, much of it related to health and family issues.  His story reminds me of Tolstoy's opening quote from Anna Karenina:

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

With my friend, this is all too true.  I knew him to have an unhappy relationship with his parents and siblings from high school days.  Now, things are even worse.  Hopefully, things will get better from him soon.  At least, he's found a way to retire from his second career.....

Lunch with SJM

 

 

Another day, another lunch....

Today, I caught up with SJM, a former colleague from the imaging firm.  We try to meet every month or so to catch up on things, and I told her all about my December cruise.  Although I was a little long winded, she had a good chance to tell me what has been going on in her life - such as the saga of a car that has been in the collision repair shop more than it has been out of it.  (With these "new fangled computer gizmos," it's hard for the average body shop to get many cars working as if they were new without dealer/factory assistance.)

Normally, I am a few minutes late for lunch.  But I got there on time - even though I took a little extra time to wear tights under a dress, instead of a tunic and leggings.  (The process of putting on stockings is a small price I pay to look more feminine.) As usual, we chose to eat at one of the places in Croton, this time, the local Japanese restaurant - Samurai.  As much as I enjoy Sushi, I decided to order the lunch special which included Teriyaki Chicken, Miso Soup, Salad, White Rice, and a California Roll, while SJM ordered her usual meal.

As usual, conversation flowed like water, and she told me the story of having only one good car in a three car household.  Given that one of the cars is being held hostage, I offered to give her a ride when she has to put her one good car into the shop for service.  But I digress.  She looked much more at ease today, now that a lot of business issues are behind her.  Having many of the stressors removed from her life has made her feel good inside - and it shows on her face.

All too soon, we had to part.  But we made another date for next month - "Same Bat Time and Same Bat Channel."  And then, I went home to rest....

Talking with a rare set of parents

 

I'm not going to say how I know this pair of parents.  But they have a trans child, and love that child unconditionally.  If I were to live my life over, I'd love to have parents like this couple.  (No, I'm not complaining about my parents.  But I'm not sure of how they would feel if I came out to them before I hit puberty.)

Chatting with this child's parents, I was pleased to find out that they were disenchanted with the parental support group that meets while their children socialize with other trans kids.  Why is this a good thing?  Well, they accept their child for who they are: Male, Female, or Bi-Gendered.  They do not ask why their child identifies differently than the gender they were assigned to at birth.  They simply focus on what's best for their child, instead of the image of what they thought their child would be as an adult.  Others in the parental support group have major difficulties in this area, as they are dealing with their grief of not having a child growing up in the way originally expected.

What father doesn't want to see his son grow up to be just like him (in good ways)?  What mother doesn't want her daughter to grow up just like her (in good ways)?  It's hard on many parents to find out that their child is transgender.  There is no roadmap for this.  Parents have to "wing it" and find their way on their own, as many friends and family will insist that "this is only a phase the child is going through" or "this can be fixed with the right instruction."  But it's not.  Most transgender children know that there is something different about them from an early age.

In our conversation, I noted that I could never talk to my parents about being trans, nor can I talk to my brother about this today.  Most of my friends know I am trans, but some of my long time friends (who I haven't seen in years) would go nuts if they found out about this part of me.  So I have to be very careful, unless I want to burn bridges that I don't yet want to burn.  Thankfully, this trans child will likely not have this problem going through life, thanks to the their parents.

As I said earlier - their child is lucky to have these people as parents, and I am very glad that I know them.

Two meals out, and I feel bloated!

 

Lately, I haven't had much energy to do much of anything.  But when it comes to meeting people, I find the energy, as being with friendly folk is very important to me.  Today was a day where I might have overdone things a little....

- - - - - -

Last night, I received a text from my friend SJM asking if I could change out lunch from Friday to today.  And I said, "Yes," as I had nothing else planned for the daytime.  But I did have a meetup scheduled for the evening, and I wasn't too sure if I wanted to go.  So, I set my alarms to wake me up, and I got to the restaurant before her.

SJM and I discussed many things, my travels being one of them.  And then she discussed the details of her life, with some good news - her husband's gradual recovery from a health ailment AND a therapy program that he wants to go to.  He is finally optimistic about his life, and she will move heaven and earth to give him the chance to again live a normal life.

All too soon, lunch had to end, and I drove up to the Poughkeepsie Lane Bryant to see the costume jewelry they had in the store.  Unfortunately, nothing interested me.  So I drove home, with a quick stop at Walmart.  Arriving at home, I took a quick nap.  Then I realized that I'd be running late for the evening meetup at The Melting Pot in White Plains.  I texted the organizer to say I was going to be late, and got in the car.

30 minutes later, I was in White Plains, and in the restaurant before 7:00.  I didn't hold up dinner.  We sat down at the table and chose a pair of fondue dips for our veggies, and then had a good conversation while waiting for our food to arrive.  Not having fondue before, I was game to try it.  But it is not something I'll go out of the way for again.  I prefer to go to the meetup for human company, and not for novel food.

Just before 9:00, we left the place, and I drove home.  It was a nice day out as Marian, and something I haven't been doing enough of lately.

A conversation with a friend.

 

The other day, I had a conversation with my friend Vicki.  She's been a good friend for several decades now, and I've learned to deal with her style of communication.  But there was something in this most recent conversation that got brought my attention to something not being said.

But first....

Vicki and I have been trying to have a chat for a while.  Either she's been too busy at work, or I've been too busy in my own life.  So, it was nice to be able to catch up with her on the phone after dinner the other day. (Normally, we'd have already scheduled a dinner, but she has a cough that isn't going away soon.  So, a phone call had to do.)  I don't know how to describe Vicki's style other than to say that she is a dominant person who forgets that sometimes, she has to listen to others more and not try to solve problems that are not ready to be solved.  And this is what got to me a little in our chat.

We started out with Vicki talking about her cough, and how little could be done about it.  She didn't have Covid-19, or any other of the ailments that could explain the cough.  Instead, the docs told her that the bug she has is viral, and she'll have to wait until it's gone.  Then, we talked about Vicki's retirement planning - when she'll retire, where she will relocate (for tax purposes), and how she will divest herself of a New York presence to qualify as a resident of another state.  (Any more details, and I'll go into things that should be kept private.)  Like most people, she will have a lot on her plate to take care of when she transitions from a working person to a retired person. But I digress....

Our conversation shifted to my long term plans with RQS, And that's where the part of Vicki's personality that I don't like came out.  Neither RQS nor myself has been able to figure out how we'd merge our households, nor have we figured out where we'd live.  We both feel that we need to rid ourselves of a lot of the clutter in our apartments before we even try to figure out how to combine households.  Once I mentioned that we're with each other 3 or 4 days out of 7, she started to try to solve the problems RQS and I would need to deal with in a few years - and this was off putting.  These problems are a few years in front of us yet, and I had to remind Vicki that we're living in the present, and not dwelling in the future or the past.  We'll deal with these issues closer to the time they come up, as we're busy with issues of the present.  Eventually, Vicki got the hint and apologized - she sensed what she was doing, and noted that it is a problem that she has....

The rest of our chat went well, and ended a few minutes later when her coughing got the better of her.  Hopefully, the cough will go away soon, so that we can finally get together for dinner again.

Seeing TCL for Dinner

 

If I had had my choice today, I would have gussied myself up before seeing TCL for dinner.  But today was the second drab day of the weekend, and I felt that TCL would be happier if I met her as Mario.

- - - - - -

Like yesterday, I didn't do much until I had to get moving.  But I did get to TCL's place on time for a change.  And this was for the best, as the restaurant we went to was empty when we got there, but packed when we left.  

TCL lives in a nice little town in New Jersey, her house being less than 1,000 feet away from the local railroad station.  If the railroad wasn't there, we could have walked to the restaurant.  Instead, we had to drive 1/2 mile to reach the place.  (This is not a problem for us.)   On the way there, she mentioned the purchase of an undergarment to be worn in case she might get "lucky".  (This is something you'd say to a good friend, and she made sure I knew that it was for a "someone else" if he came along.)  I already knew that she had no intentions towards me, and I let her know that, so she could feel more comfortable after saying that.

A minute later, I parked the car at the restaurant. As expected, the place was empty, and we were seated at a nice table, where we proceeded to have a nice Italian meal with some red wine. (The place is BYOB, so TCL has taken care of the wine when we go to this restaurant.)  By the time we left, the place was packed with at least a dozen people waiting by the door. And then, it was the short drive home. 

We chatted in the car for about 45 minutes, and then she had to go in and I had to go home.  I was amazed that she didn't make a comment on my newly pierced ears.  But then, she was focused on something else - how to tell someone something without making that person feel awkward.  I gave her some ideas on how to approach discussing the topic with her friend, and hope she refines them into something she finds she can use for herself.

Seeing RQS's Cousin & Wife

 

This was an interesting day for us, as it was one where I screwed up a little and things worked out better because of it....

- - - - - -

RQS and I were supposed to meet her cousin and his wife at a local eatery.  Normally, one doesn't need a reservation to eat there.  But for Sunday brunch, they advise getting one ahead of time.  Not knowing this, I didn't make the reservation and found out that we'd have to wait an hour before having a chance to eat there.  So, we checked with her cousin and agreed to eat at a local diner.

Going to DD's diner in Ossining in the past revealed a limited menu.  But in a pinch, the diner was always a reliable place for me to eat.  This time, I was impressed, as they returned to their pre-pandemic full menu.  This gave us a chance to have a filling meal, and time to have a leisurely chat.  And chat we did!  We got along as if we have been the closest of friends for years.  I was surprised to find that her cousin noticed my tiny earrings.  But then, he is a doctor, and trained to notice these things.

All too soon, they had to leave for their home (they live 5 hours away), and we had to get back to my place to take care of things.  In a conversation we had afterwards, RQS and I had a feeling that they would be accepting of my Marian side.  Maybe one day, I'll reveal it to them and find out.

An unplanned early visit with RQS

 

I chose the above image for no particular reason.  It just fit my mood for the start of the day.  Yet, it fits how I felt on waking up - tired, semi-conscious, dry-eyed, and stumbling to the loo.  It was time to go back to sleep, but I didn't....

- - - - - -

Due to reasons I won't post here, RQS came up from the city a day early. This meant that we could have dinner together and go to game night together.  (RQS usually has a compressed day on Thursdays, as she takes care of things that nourish her soul, as well as things to prepare for her visit the day after.)  So, it was nice to be able to have her up here and share an experience that XGFJ wouldn't share with me because I'd be in Marian mode.

Upon arrival, RQS and I went to the local Mexican restaurant down the hill from us.  Unlike the last time we were there, the place was relatively empty and we had a nice meal with decent service.  Because the place was empty, there was little reflected noise from the hard walls, and we were easily able to hear each other speak, unlike the last time we were there.  (This has been my big complaint about the place, not the restaurant, since it was rebuilt years ago.  The walls reflect and amplify sound, making it hard to hear conversations when the place is crowded.)  As much as I enjoyed the fish tacos I ordered, I wouldn't order them again unless I wanted to make a mess of myself - they were overloaded with filling!

Our next stop was game night, where I got into a game which required a little bit of experience before playing well.  Mistakes I made early on caused me to lose the game.  But I'd play it again later on.  At least, we were able to get RQS into a simpler game afterwards - Qwirkle.  It's a simple game where one tries to match colors or patterns (in rows) for points. (Don't ask me to explain the simple rules of the game at this time of day.)  

All too soon, game night was over, and we had to go home. 

Now that I'm part of a couple....

 

RQS and I.  It seems like we're always together these days.  Not bad for a transgender woman who knows her limits.  And I hope that it keeps going as well as it has been so far.  But this post is not directly about RQS.

- - - - - -

Before I met RQS, I was thinking about getting more involved with the church I have sporadically attended. It would have been nice socializing with the other ladies of the church, and gradually perfecting my feminine persona.  But I would have felt a void, as an area for socialization was taken away from me due to the craziness between myself, XGFJ, and FCP.  This is not the place to rehash the past, so I'll skip all of the details.  Now that RQS is in my life, I no longer have the time or inclination to hang out with the FTF meetup group in Connecticut.

Life for me is very different than I envisioned a year ago.  For example, I haven't shared a dinner table on a cruise since meeting RQS.  And sometimes I miss the random element that chooses my dinner companions.  It was nice to meet people and find out new things from people not in my circle of acquaintances.  Even when I met a GOP couple from Louisiana (dining at a shared table) on a trip with FCP, I enjoyed the conversation as a single - until FCP got there and turned a learning experience into a debate.  People change their positions slowly, and a smart person avoids controversy when there is no gain to be had. 

Yes, there are times that I couch my words so that phrases I'd use in the past do not upset RQS.  This is a reasonable thing to do, as we come from very different social groups.  Yet, we are very much alike, and have developed a sense of trust that doesn't usually come as quickly as it has.

- - - - - -

Today, I drove RQS back home, so that she could go to the gym and do her exercises.  Why did I do that when there was a train that could be taken?  Well, RQS bought a large volume (space, not count) of paper goods and needed to get them to her house. So, we put them in the trunk of my car, and proceeded to her house.  In all the confusion when in her neighborhood when we arrived, we were rushing to get her luggage out of my car before the bus came by.  Of course, we forgot the paper goods in my trunk!

Luckily, we can smile at things like this.  To have a person in my life who makes me feel good, that accepts me for who and what I am, and communicates in sync enough with me that we have yet to have a major disagreement is some sort of miracle for which I am thankful.

Doctors - a short post

 

Today was a boring day with only one theme that carried through the day - Doctors.  First, I had to check whether I needed to renew my CPAP prescription before buying a new CPAP machine. Next, I received a call from my internist's office asking me whether I would be able to change my appointment. And then, the daughter of the couple hosting game night was dressed in a plague doctor's uniform.  It seems like doctors in one form or another set the tone for the day.

- - - - - -

Being serious, I hardly thought of medical issues today.  Instead, I rested all day until it was time to prepare for game night.  Since I didn't get out of the house until 5 pm, it made sense for me to go to the local Shoprite to pick up something sweet to bring to game night and something substantial to eat tomorrow night.

I  ended up getting dressed twice tonight, as I wanted to wear something that didn't pinch me on my waist line.  The first pair of leggings I wore were too tight, so I switched into something more comfortable that I could wear while sitting down for a few hours.

When I made it to game night, I saw the host's daughter wearing the above plague doctor costume.  I had to take a picture and send it to a couple of my friends. After that, I chatted with the host for an hour and a half, as there were not enough people attending to start a second game.  It was the longest chat I've had with him for a while, and it was a serious chat about work, family, and other assorted things. Eventually, the first game broke up, and I was able to join in a second game  - which I won.  It was a nice way to end the day.

Did someone recognize me from a prior job? (A short post)

 

Last night, RQS and I crossed the river and spent about 45 minutes seeing Pat, my former hypnotist at her care facility.  RQS could easily see how the two of us could get into long winded conversations, as well as how the two of us could be friends.  Today, however, was much less pleasant - it was the end of the weekend, and she had to go home.

Before RQS had to go home, we had planned to get pedicures.  So off to the nail salon we went, and we both enjoyed having our feet pampered. Once done there, we went for some pizza, and then it was off to the train station to drop her off.  Now that I was free for the rest of the day, my first stop was Walmart to pick up some cosmetics (Stick Concealer and Makeup Powder).  When I walked thru the aisles, I noticed that she shelves were picked clean.  Seeing another older woman in the same situation I was in, I started to chat with her - and we had a nice conversation for a few minutes.

My next stop was at Trader Joe's.  And this is where someone may have recognized me.  I couldn't find any bread crumbs, so I asked for help.  One of the employees (in passing) said that he thought he knew me, but I didn't respond to him.  The last thing I needed was to chat with someone in Marian mode about knowing each other in Mario mode.  To me, it's best not to have this conversation in a public place.  Yet, I wonder - could he place a name to my face?

Sometimes, the less said, the better.

Recently, I had a conversation with someone whom I rarely exchange messages.  I didn't say anything much about this conversation, as I didn't want to bother a third party.  Well, I got the other side of things today by simply saying nothing.

- - - - - -

If I could have learned one thing when younger, it would be better communication skills.  Who knows how far I could have gone, either as Marian or as Mario.  Yet, I feel that much of my recent growth has been because my Marian personality has strengthened Mario as well.

Right now, I feel that I have 20-30 years of life left in me, and I want to make the most out of the active years I have left to me.  To do that, I still need to improve my communication skills, so that what comes out of my mouth will make me more attractive instead of scaring people away.

I will not talk much about today's messages, save that they were very informative.  And I would have not received them if I had opened up my mouth.  Go figure....

The start of a long weekend doing nothing much.

 

If you're expecting a lot of "Sturm und Drang" from me and RQS this weekend, you'd be mistaken.  We still keep getting along better than either of us would have expected.

- - - - - -

We were very tired when we got to bed Friday night and we got up late the next morning.  This wasn't a problem, as neither of us had much of anything to do, save a little bit of shopping.  RQS and I wanted to stop by Bed Bath and Beyond, Christmas Tree Shops, and Trader Joe's.  So, it was off to lower county.  Both of us did some serious damage to our credit cards before returning home.

RQS and I had an interesting conversation regarding transgenderism, intersex, and gender preference.  I find it very interesting that she is open to new ideas in this area, unlike many women I've dated in the past.  And so far, she has not run away.  Although I don't think she'll do that many things with me in Marian mode, I don't think she'll run away from me either.

When we got back home, RQS suggested that she stay another night, and have me drive her home in the morning  - and I said, "Yes!" without need for thought....

Another quick post about some conversations

 

Tonight was a night of chatting.  If it wasn't KM from work, or Stephanie from Texas, it would be RQS keeping me chatting until after midnight.  So I won't have too much to say right now.

- - - - - -

The day at work dragged on, as I had a hard time staying awake.  At least, I was able to get a full day's worth of work done - even with the trouble I was having staying alert.  Since I planned to talk with KM after work, as well as Stephanie via Zoom, then chat with RQS, I knew I'd have no time to do any of the other important things I wanted to do tonight.

KM told me about the goings on at the office from her perspective.  She's looking at the company from a youngster's point of view, someone who comes from a bluish collar background.  She sees opportunity in its chaos.  As for me, at an age where I should be considering retirement, I see something else - a company struggling to define its core business for future growth.  Sadly, I had to cut her off, as I had to connect with Stephanie.

Stephanie and I had a more meaningful chat.  She wishes that she could have met me much sooner in life, as we would have developed a closer friendship.  Little does she know that she would have seen me in a very different light had she done so, as I had yet to come out as Marian at the time.  Yet, I can see myself being like an older sister to her.

Once done with Stephanie, it was time to chat with RQS.  As usual, we had a long chat where I did most of the talking.  That seems to be OK with her, as she seems to enjoy hearing what I am saying.  We'll see if this continues over time....

The difference between two friends.

 

 

Today, I sent a picture of RQS to TCL and Vicki and got two very different types of responses.  Unlike most of  my posts, I plan to adapt the normal format to account for two different conversation threads....

- - - - - -

I started out by sending a picture of RQS to my two friends.  She was wearing a purple coat and colorful leggings.  Vicki responded with:

Pretty. Love all the purple and colors. Makes me think she's a fun person 

 

We then talked about where RQS and I were meeting, with nary a mention of RQS's background.  Contrast this with TCL's responses:

Does she know you took the picture and sending it to me?
What does she think about you wanting to send it to me?
What ethnicity is she?
Is she taking a picture of you? I see she's holding a cell phone.

Notice the difference?  Vicki is focused on who RQS is, while TCL is concerned about whether I have permission to send the picture to her and what ethnicity RQS identifies as.  Who do you think is the more accepting person?

I'll admit that RQS is far outside of the type of person I usually find attractive and want to date.  My wife (and most of the women I've dated in middle age) was a "dirty blonde", and I am attracted to women with this color hair.  RQS is anything but.  This is not the time and place where I plan to tell my readers more about her.  But both of us are surprised that we get along together so well....

Today, I got half of the things on my checklist done.

 

Today's post is a quick one.

Lately, I've been chatting a lot with RQS, and she's enjoying my mouth run as if it is Niagara Falls.  This is a good sign, as she knows about my life as Marian and is intrigued about it.  So I tend to budget time for these phone calls towards the end of the evening, so that I can get other things done....

Tonight, I had to rush home to make it to a Zoom Webinar to train us in the specifics of Fair Housing Laws that co-op boards must obey in Westchester county.  As expected, they covered the limitations put up on co-op boards to insure that every possible tenant has a fair opportunity to rent/sublet/buy an apartment in Westchester.  Unfortunately, they provide too much protection for the tenant, and not enough for the property owner.  And that is a major annoyance to most of the co-op boards in this state.

When the meeting ended, I got on the line with RQS, and chatted for the better part of 2 hours.  This reminds me of the early days of dating my late wife.  It's not love yet.  And it's not at the state where I think about her every day.  But it's a good start.

But why did I mention my checklist?

Most of the time, I have a 20 item checklist, and only do about 1/3 of those items. Today, I broke the 50% level, and had enough time to start filling out an application for employment with New York State. Assuming that I get the job, I expect that I'll be in the workforce for another 2 years or so.  But I will need time to take a Hawaii cruise at year end - and I won't cancel that to work for the state.

I plan to add this application to tomorrow's checklist, as I don't plan on finishing the application tonight. Many things stay on the checklist in one form or another, as I neither complete them, nor get movement towards completing them.  Yet, there's one task that I must give a higher priority - cleaning the apartment.  Not only do I need my cleaning lady back doing her magic, but I want this place clean enough to have people over again. 

Keep your fingers crossed for me....

Pussycat, Pussycat, where have you been?

 

Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been?

I've been to London to visit the Queen.

Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there?

I frightened a little mouse under her chair.

 

- - - - - -

 

I may not have mentioned this before, at my place of work we will hire almost anyone capable of doing a very boring job.  Many of the positions would be perfect for functioning people on the autistic spectrum.  Today, one of these people made me think of the above nursery rhyme.

Years ago, my IQ was measured, and I scored high on two different tests.  Each put me into the top percentile.  (This explains many of the social problems I've had, as people like me tend to have a common set of issues that often go unaddressed well into adulthood.  But I digress.)  Yet, because of problems I had during my youth, I had to go to school for several years on the "Short Bus", meeting several youngsters on the spectrum along the way.

There is a person at my workplace who does not understand why people in London are eating dinner at the same time people in New York are having lunch. Compare that with me, a person who can explain why the clocks on GPS satellites run slightly faster than those on earth, and you'll find that I have a very hard time code switching to talk with this person.  So I'm polite, and leave the conversations with him to others.

 

Today, this fellow decided to try to have a conversation with me about the meaningless issue of the recycle bin exchanging places with the regular garbage bin - and I politely shut it down.  I didn't want a 10 minute chat with a person about this topic.  Later on, he made some comments to invite a conversation about a new corporate logo being applied to the break room walls.  Although I will agree with him that this change applies needed color to the room, it is a meaningless topic for me.  Once you get past saying that it looks nice, there is not much to talk about.  Yet, he wanted to say that it is unusual (it usually is on the first day), and have a 10 minute chat about the logo.  So, again, I shut him down politely, saying that it will become the new usual.  And then, I left the lunch area.

We all see different things in life.  To me, I saw a corporate logo writ large, while he focused on the colors.  I'm glad that someone has found a productive use for someone like him.  But I also wish that he wouldn't announce his every move so loud that you could hear it across the room.  Who needs to hear in a break room that he is eating lunch, when that is what people normally do around 12-1 pm?  He loudly announces that he is starting work, going on/off break, going to/from lunch, and going home.  About the only thing he doesn't do is shout that he is going to the loo to take a bio-break.  It's easy to understand why I try not to associate with him.  If someone gets on your nerves, you stay out of his/her way.  Yet, I have to say that he's lucky to never be able to understand how cruel this world can be.....

 

Conversations with two people.

 

Recently, I had a couple of conversations that I found very interesting.  The first was with my brother, as we discussed our mutual past, current family issues, and how to protect our assets.  The other with the newest member of our co-op board, where I outed myself to her and, discussed issues related to our co-op, and pleasantries regarding her father, grandfather, and great grandfather.

As I've mentioned before, my brother and I own a house we rent out to the best of tenants.  Hopefully, they will stay our tenants for a long time, as this income is a blessing to have in uncertain times.  Given that there is some maintenance that has been needed for a couple of years, we decided to take care of it before the weather gets cold.  Once done talking about the house, we talked about our past, and I found that I didn't remember that my brother was in the car when I was taken to therapy as a child.  I told him that I wish I could have given the notes from childhood therapy to my adult therapist.  And he responded that my dad wanted to protect me from what I might see.  Unfortunately, it should have been up to me to decide what happened to this information, and I wasn't given the chance to do so.  This is the one complaint I have about my father.  Eventually, we talked about his family and what he plans to do with his assets in his will.  (I won't go into those details here.)  Suffice it to say that I'd do the same things given his circumstances.

Once I was ready to go out, I stumbled into the new co-op board member.  We discussed an important issue that the co-op must deal with, and we agreed on the scope of the issue.  Hopefully, she will help me convince the other members of the board that this is an issue that can not be put off much longer. Next, we discussed family issues, and I mentioned some things about the recent past.  Specifically, that I saw her grandfather getting around on his scooter - and that I was happy that he was still active in his business.  Given that the co-op board knows of my transgender nature, I opened up to her - and she said that I looked good as Marian.  She couldn't believe it was me in the picture.  This way, if I come into a zoom meeting a little bit late, she won't get shocked at my appearance.

On the whole, I'm happy about these conversations, as it allowed for certain things to be said that needed to be said.  There was no hinting or guessing at what the other person meant.  These were some of the most effective chats I've had in a while.  And I'm very glad that I took the time out to have these chats....

A date with my niece

 

As you can see, my niece is fully masked up.  In an age where we finally got an "all clear" for being vaccinated, there are enough A--holes in our society that are putting the rest of us at risk by remaining unvaccinated.  She can't wait for the day that she will no longer need the mask, and that she and her husband can visit this country together.

My niece usually puts her friends first, and tries to squeeze her aunt/uncle in as free time permits.  Today was no different.  So when I received her text telling me that we could meet after work, I jumped at the chance to do so.  However, I would have to go home to change into something comfortable and feminine before seeing her in NYC.  And this delayed my arrival at the Rubin museum, as I arrived there shortly after 7:30 pm.  (The museum is usually open until 10, so even an 8:15 ticket time is quite reasonable.)

While waiting for our tickets to be valid for admission, I mentioned many things regarding what I plan to do with my assets when I pass away.  (Hopefully not for a long time....)  And she knows NOT to let my brother into my place until it has been purged of things I don't want him to know about (yet).  She was surprised when I told her about a conversation I recently had with my ex, and she noted - why should I still bother with her, given the way she treated me last year?  (She is wise beyond her years.) And I noted - in spite of everything, I'd sill like to be friends.  Not the excessive intimacy (non physical) that my former cruise partner and I once had, but someone who I can chat with and occasionally have as an activity partner.  However, I doubt that this will happen, as the ex-girlfriend tends to avoid social events I plan to attend.

My niece and I  walked through the museum, and marveled that there is so much beautiful art in one place.  However, the focus on this category of Asian art (Himalyayas and Tibet) is very different from Chinese and Japanese art.  It seems to focus on the temporary nature of life and the impermanence of things in this world.  Things that Westerners may see as sexual may be seen as a unity of all "forces" of nature to the cultures of these areas.

All too soon, our evening had to end.  We walked back to Penn Station, where she had to rush off to a train.  I picked up some grub there, as I knew that nothing would be open at Grand Central.  And I was right....

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One thing I will comment on in a future post is a transgender person living in her authentic gender tends to live a relatively boring life once she isn't switching gender presentations on a daily basis.  With the exception of putting on a wig, shaving my body hair off, and wearing chest prosthesis, most of my life is that of a typical female.  No, I will never have the natural plumbing of a typical female.  But that's OK.  I am not looking to reproduce.  Yet, it would be interesting if someone called me pretty....

A second night out with a new meetup group

 

 

 

As you can see, I'm having a great time with the girls.  This is the second time I've been with this meetup group, and I've been made to feel welcome again.  Yes, it's a group that Mario could have attended, but I fit in much more as Marian, with the exception of my size.  (It's another reason for me to figure out how to lose some weight.)

 

Some people wonder why I'd have rather been born with a female body.  It's not extreme dysphoria as some transgender people suffer.  Instead, it's the social role of women - they are the glue that hold societies together.  Their conversations are more interesting, and they often involve the nitty gritty of life that men usually ignore.  (Don't get me wrong, I'd have rather had all the inconveniences and headaches of being a typical woman in order to have lived life as one.) 

I figure that one day, I'll have to make some hard choices.  Until then, I'll have an interesting life observing how different and/or similar life is on both sides of the gender coin.