Thoughts on a past lost to time

 

 
Something got me thinking about my former travel partner.  I'll admit that it was because of my stupidity that I lost her as a friend. Yet, I'm not really sure about the quality of the friendship we once shared.  Thinking back on it, there may have been a codependency factor involved that made the dissolution of the friendship more painful for the two of us.

I'm very glad that FCP has had two happy events occur in her life in the past few months.  And I'm sad that I couldn't be there to share them with her.  Yet, she's not with me as I explore things with RQS, building up a shared set of happy experiences..  We both lost a lot when the friendship ended, but this is a part of life.

One of the things that FCP said to me in the process of cutting off communications was that I did not betray XGFJ, and that she is glad that I am communicating with her again.  What she doesn't want to see is the fact that XGFJ betrayed me.   Although I have forgiven XGFJ for her actions, I doubt that we'll be any closer than we are now - two people with a shared past that have less and less to talk about as time pulls us away from each other.

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But enough about FCP and XGFJ.  There are other things that time has erased from my life.  For example, the older I get, the harder it gets for me to remember many of the details of my late wife.  She had a habit of saying "N double-A s t i" for "Nasty".  There were many more quirks that she had, but most of them have moved into inaccessible areas of my memory.  I miss those memories, yet it is a good thing that most of them are inaccessible.  It would be a bad thing to bore RQS with things about my late wife's life, and for her to bore me with things about her late husband's life.  We are only able to share the most important things about our late spouses' lives, and we understand the losses that the other has felt....

There's a part of me that mourns the loss of the career I enjoyed (for the most part) for the better part of 40 years.  The opportunity to work as a programmer again is tantalizing, as it was the type of work I most enjoyed.  Yet, I'm way past my prime, and I would not gain much from retooling for work best done by a younger person. Yet, I could sacrifice some of the time I have left to me to end my working career doing the type of work that gave me pleasure when I started in the workforce.

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One of the things I miss since I've been employed at my present job is reading for the enjoyment of it.  By the time my day ends at the office, my mind is fried.  I've made so many micro decisions that I have no energy left to make any of the big ones.  This has resulted in an inability to clean up my apartment, and an inability to do much of the reading I enjoy so much.  Hopefully, by the time I get to take my next long vacation, I will have recharged my energy enough so that both my apartment has finally gotten cleaned up and that I've regained my ability to enjoy a long book.  I'd hate for these things to have gotten lost with time.

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All of us have friends and family we have lost over the years. Many of us have had to reinvent ourselves to live with a purpose in life. As for me, I live to learn - about myself, about others, and about the world in which we live.  From each loss comes an opportunity to grow.  And I intend to use those opportunities to grow instead of being burdened by them....

 

Here's one cruise ship I won't sail on with a friend

Above is a screen clipping from a blogger whose posts I read now and then.  This woman cruises on the cheap and provides advice to people on how to take more cruises for less.  In this case, she notes the most unusual "bathroom" layout she's found on a cruise ship.

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Most cruise ships use a bathroom layout similar to that pictured on the left.  There is a toilet, a shower stall, and a sink in the same compartment.  Once in that compartment, one has complete privacy.  This is not the case on the Norwegian Epic, whose bathroom layout is illustrated on the right. The picture below should give you a better idea of how this looks from the inside.

What bothers me most about this layout is that I would have no privacy if a friend entered/exited the room while I was showering or relieving myself.  There is little reason for a layout like this, save to skimp on passenger space.

And this leads to the selection of a potential cruise partner.  Having cruised alone, and with 3 different women, I've learned that being in close quarters with the same person for a week (or more) can be better than sailing alone, or much worse than sailing alone.

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I have taken only 2 cruises by myself.  The first was a solo cruise to Alaska after losing my wife to cancer.  The second was an 11 day cruise to the Caribbean where I had a great time on the ship and made a couple of new friends.  Both of these cruises were taken in an inside cabin, and the only thing I can remember about the first cruise ship was how dark it was when the lights were out.  With the second ship, I don't remember the cabin much at all.  This, I think, was related to the mood I was in before taking the cruise.

My second cruise was taken with the girlfriend I had met shortly after losing my wife.  We were joining another couple who was celebrating their honeymoon and invited us to join then on the cruise.  (No, two couples, two separate rooms.)  I have stories I can tell about this cruise, but can't remember much about the ship, save for the main dining room where they served Baked Alaska on the cruise's final night. Then there was the cruise to Florida and the Bahamas I took with another (now) ex-girlfriend.  This was not a good cruise for the two of us to take, as it illustrated the problems that two people with two different styles would have being together - the activities on board and on shore days were not those that would bring the two of us closer together. Lastly, there were the cruises I took with my former cruise partner.  Although we had very different interests, we meshed well on all but one cruise.  We did different things, and got together for dining and for shows.  (I won't go into any detail regarding the last cruise we took together, as that was problematic from before the start. Even my Ex-Girlfriend said that going on that cruise was a big mistake for both of us, reminding me that I didn't want to go in the first place.  The former cruise partner was lonely, and needed something I could not give her in my role as a friend.)  Because I wasn't expected to entertain this partner, we got along well for our good cruises.  But on this last cruise, she exploded as she was dealing with too many stressors, with an action of mine catalyzing the explosion.  (I hope she does better with her next cruise partner.)

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Finding a compatible cruise partner can be hard.  First, you have to know whether the two of you have compatible personal habits.  ("How much space does he/she use in a cabin?"  "Is this person messy?" "Does this person snore?" are among the questions I might ask.)  Then, you may want to know whether that person needs to be "entertained" while on the cruise.  For example, I can do shore excursions by myself, and I can do them with someone.  But they have to be ones I want to do, and they will usually be ones I haven't done before.  You'll want to know whether a person is a night owl or an early bird.  This is important for the last night of the cruise, as the ship's crew is trying to get everyone off the ship as early as possible the next morning, so that they can make up the rooms for the next group of passengers.  (Who wants to hear complaints from someone who doesn't share the same sleep/wake cycle as you when dealing with the stresses of disembarkation and going home?)

Once you find this travel partner, get as much travel in as possible.  Cruises, land travel, etc. are fun, and best done with a friend.  Some of my best trips were shared with someone close to me.  Even now, I can still chuckle about a summer trip we took where we stayed in a hotel without air conditioning. (We didn't need it.)  I still want to return to a hotel on the banks of the Merced river, just outside of Yosemite park, where I stayed with a then girlfriend.  And I wish I could have traveled more with my wife while she was alive.  Now that I can have both money and time, I expect that I will be traveling again soon.  And I hope to have a friend with me with whom I can build memories.



What advice would you give to someone regarding travel partners?