This morning, I found an email from my former cruise partner saying all sorts of nasty things about me. To some degree, I can see some reason for short term anger. But after 2 1/2 months, anger should dissipate - especially when that person is no longer in your life. In this case, it looks like it hasn't dissipated, and that I'm going to be hurt by an angry woman.
The email I received is a postscript to a prior blog entry, so I won't go into it here. I feel very sad that someone can keep up this anger as long as she has. But it's my cross to bear. At least, I still have other friends that I can lean on when I need to do so.
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Seeing this email puts a lot of things into perspective right now. By totally disconnecting from one woman as a friend, I enabled her to get into a self fueled vicious circle of boiling anger. And when someone is angry and out of control, they lash out in whatever ways they can. Often, they try to sabotage others - just to cause their targets pain from sources other than the one commanding the shots be taken.
No one likes seeing themselves in a harsh light. I am no exception to that truth. If I had things to do all over again, I would have been a little more discreet about what I wrote in the old blog. And that blog has come back to haunt me several times lately. It has already cost me the friendship of someone in New Jersey. It has cost me the friendship of a former cruise partner. And it has catalyzed the breakup with GFJ. Could I be too open about my life (and of others' interactions with me)? It's possible.
One friend of mine said to me recently that she's glad she didn't meet a former close friend of mine. She doesn't want to deal with people who could hold onto anger for a long time. And I can't blame her.
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So when I finally got moving for the day, I decided to drive out to Paramus, where I could get a dress regularly selling for $79 for only $18 on clearance. This was too good to be true. So I made the drive, tried on the dress, and helped it into the trunk of my car. (I'll try to get a picture of me in the dress soon.) Next, I drove over to Catherine's to see if they had an "all in one" body briefer in my size. Unfortunately, they didn't have it in a size 48. So I did without. (You can guess what I'll be looking for in the confines of my apartment before the New Year's Eve parties.)
PS: Lane Bryant corrected their pricing, and marked the same dress $10 higher 24 hours later. I'm even more glad that I made the drive to Paramus when I did!
