I can't believe I made such a dumb mistake

 

I just received a dress today, and I can't believe that I made such a dumb mistake as I made.  As most women know, women's sizes are all across the chart.  Depending on the vendor, I run from being a woman's size 1X to 5X.  Usually, I order size 3X when ordering from Catherine's, and 2X when I'm ordering from Woman Within.  Because I wanted to avoid the BOGO 50% off deal, and get the above dress at 75% of list price, I ordered it through Amazon.  But I made one BIG mistake.  Being a size 28, many of the places I shop at put me into a 3X dress, as consistent with the sizing on the Catherine's site. But this dress has a Woman Within label, and a size 3X is a size 30-32.  I'll have to return it before I travel. (As if I didn't need any more things do I?)

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Getting home after a weekend with RQS is a little sad.  Yet, there's a part of me that still enjoys being by myself, and not having to answer to anyone.  Today was one of those days.  I always enjoy it when we're together.  But sometimes, I like being alone.  I guess many widows and widowers get this way in our old age.  But I had the chance to see my neighbors, and inform them of my travel plans.  They will look for any deliveries that come after mid week,  and hold them for me until I get back from my trip.  It pays to have good relationships with one's neighbors.

 

 

 

Once inside my apartment, I proceeded to take care of installing a 6 outlet adapter that I had just received from Amazon.  Although one can get these at Home Deport, Lowe's Target, Walmart or any decent hardware store, I decided to bundle this with the above order for ease of bookkeeping.  As usual, I did things the hard way, and didn't wait until the morning to start this task.  Instead, I had to look for a flashlight to see things, and then screw this in for security.  I don't want to think of this again when I have my reclining sofa delivered in a couple of days.

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As you can guess, I have lots left to do before my trip, and not enough time to do them....

I just ordered a new dress. (Now to find one to donate....)

 

The other day, I saw this dress on the One Stop Plus / Catherine's site.  Before I decided to buy it, I consulted with RQS, as I will be wearing (sometimes) it when we go out together.  However, I won't be sure if I like the dress until I see it on me.  This is one reason why I wish Catherine's still had its retail stores.

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Over the years, I have learned how to dress as a woman by buying many things that didn't work that well on my figure.  Most of those garments have been donated to charity, with more to come as I clean out my closets and drawers.  I have found that long tunics and leggings work best for me in casual mode (when I'm not wearing a dress), but there are some blouse/trouser combinations that work for me as well.

My rule of thumb is to donate one article of clothing for every one I buy.  Last night, I decided to get dressed (in female presentation) and drive to Wegman's for a grocery run. However, I couldn't find the lightweight duster I would wear over my unitard. So, I wore a shirt dress from a Universal Standard mystery box for the first time.  Just as I was about to turn into the store's parking lot, I discovered that I left my wallet at home.  As a result, I didn't bother stopping to pick up food, and proceeded to go back home slowly and on side roads.

This morning, I was too tired to do much of anything, and didn't bother getting showered until mid-evening.Before I left, I found the duster I was looking for last night, and put it aside for the next time I wear the unitard. So, I moved my ID and money back to Mario's wallet and made my drive to White Plains.  $88.00 later, I was on my way back home with most of the things I was looking for, and a couple of things that were unplanned purchases.

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During the ride home, I touched base with RQS at our usual time.  Something must have been wrong with one of our phones or the phone network, as her voice was coming in muddy - even after a couple of tries to get a clear signal. Luckily, neither of us had that much to say to each other, and we will catch up with each other at the "Same Bat Time and Same Bat Channel."

Can a T-Girl have too many dresses?

 

I had a hard time making a choice the other day.  J.C.Penney had the above dresses on sale for $15/ea.  Given the quality I usually find in the dresses they sell, I figure that it was worth the gamble to have 2 more summer dresses.  Yet, both are similar to dresses I already own: the first one by its pattern, and the second one by its color.  But I will be able to wear both of them now, and when I take a cruise to the Bahamas later on this year.

Even though I purchased the first two dresses,  I'm planning on buying the above dress when it eventually goes on sale.  I already own the same dress in a different pattern, and want to get it in this pattern as well.  Then, I will be done with summer shopping, and ready to fill out my winter wardrobe.

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I figure that I'll soon be moving dresses into storage bins dedicated for summer storage, and out of ones dedicated for winter storage.  Hopefully, I won't misplace dresses I have grown to love, like I did the dress from Catherine's above.  This time, when I put the above dress away for the season, I will be sure to remember where I put it.

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But what does this mean for the other dresses in my closet?

Well, I expect that I will do some more pruning over the next few weeks, and make some more donation bag contributions to charity.  Have I spent way too much money on dresses?  Yes.  But the question still remains: Can a T-Girl have too many dresses in her wardrobe?

Where can a zaftig woman shop now?

It's sad to see a store chain die - especially when it is one that you depended on for clothing that fits.  In my case, it was Catherine's, a brand of the Ascena Group.  This firm also owns the Lane Bryant chain, and will be keeping many of their stores open.  Unfortunately, there will be no Lane Bryant stores near me, nor will there be any stores left that cater to the larger, plus size woman.

Over the years, shopping has migrated to the internet.  For many, this has been a good thing.  But I've yet to believe that this is the case with women's clothing lines.  There is little standardization in sizes, and one firm's size 2X could be another firm's size 5X.  This is one of the many reasons why I didn't like a former friend buying clothes for me.  Not only did this former friend's taste differ from mine in important ways, but she didn't know how to make sure something would fit me (or look good on me) once it was given to me.  Her heart was in the right place for the most part, but she didn't understand that I didn't want to get caught up in needless gift giving - her friendship was the gift I valued most, not the goods she gave me.  Since this woman is no longer a friend, I have the memories of the friendship and some of the little gifts I found use for.

In the past, I never thought twice of making a run to The Avenue in Newburgh, Catherine's in Paramus, or any one of the many Lane Bryant stores.  By the time you read this post, The Avenue will have been gone for almost a year, all Catherine's stores will be closed, and only a handful of Lane Bryant stores will be left open.  Even so, it was a shock to see the Lane Bryant in the Palisades Park Mall in West Nyack devoid of 90% of its merchandise.  I thought that was going to be one of the few stores that would have survived.  But with internet shopping the way it is, and the Pandemic hurting Mall sales, I shouldn't have been surprised to see this store being closed.

Luckily, I get a lot of paper catalogs from "successful" online sales outlets such as Woman Within and Ulla Popken.  However, once I lose weight, I'll probably internet order the plus size offerings from Talbot's and JJill.  Eventually, if I get to a size 18 and stabilize at that figure, I'll probably invest in a few Eileen Fisher outfits.  But that won't be for a couple of years....

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

This morning, I found an email from my former cruise partner saying all sorts of nasty things about me.  To some degree, I can see some reason for short term anger.  But after 2 1/2 months, anger should dissipate - especially when that person is no longer in your life. In this case, it looks like it hasn't dissipated, and that I'm going to be hurt by an angry woman.

The email I received is a postscript to a prior blog entry, so I won't go into it here.  I feel very sad that someone can keep up this anger as long as she has.  But it's my cross to bear.  At least, I still have other friends that I can lean on when I need to do so.

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Seeing this email puts a lot of things into perspective right now.  By totally disconnecting from one woman as a friend, I enabled her to get into a self fueled vicious circle of boiling anger.  And when someone is angry and out of control, they lash out in whatever ways they can.  Often, they try to sabotage others - just to cause their targets pain from sources other than the one commanding the shots be taken.

No one likes seeing themselves in a harsh light.  I am no exception to that truth.  If I had things to do all over again, I would have been a little more discreet about what I wrote in the old blog.  And that blog has come back to haunt me several times lately.  It has already cost me the friendship of someone in New Jersey.  It has cost me the friendship of a former cruise partner.  And it has catalyzed the breakup with GFJ.  Could I be too open about my life (and of others' interactions with me)?  It's possible.

One friend of mine said to me recently that she's glad she didn't meet a former close friend of mine.  She doesn't want to deal with people who could hold onto anger for a long time. And I can't blame her.

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So when I finally got moving for the day, I decided to drive out to Paramus, where I could get a dress regularly selling for $79 for only $18 on clearance.  This was too good to be true.  So I made the drive, tried on the dress, and helped it into the trunk of my car.  (I'll try to get a picture of me in the dress soon.)  Next, I drove over to Catherine's to see if they had an "all in one" body briefer in my size.  Unfortunately, they didn't have it in a size 48.  So I did without.  (You can guess what I'll be looking for in the confines of my apartment before the New Year's Eve parties.)

PS: Lane Bryant corrected their pricing, and marked the same dress $10 higher 24 hours later.  I'm even more glad that I made the drive to Paramus when I did!

I didn't plan on buying a new pair of boots. But they were so comfortable!

The other day, I decided to go to a meetup in Connecticut.  I could have spent the day with JS, but I said I was going to a Saturday meetup.  Yet, by the time I got moving, it was too late to go to the meetup.  So I ended up going to Catherine's instead.

Driving on New Jersey's back roads can take an extra half hour to get to where you want to go.  But when roads like Route 4 and Route 17 are jammed with holiday traffic, it actually makes sense to take back roads to get to the shopping malls.  And that's what I did on the Saturday before Christmas.

As I expected, they were having a "last minute" sale, with their clothing priced the same as it was on "Black Friday". So I looked over most of what was in the store, and I didn't see much that said "Buy Me!"  However, I saw a couple of sweaters I had previously bought selling for less than I paid for them previously.  Instead of buying a third in a color I didn't have, I went to the back of the store where I fount a pair of boots in a size 12-W.  Normally, I don't look at women's 12-W shoes, as they are usually a little bit snug on me.  But this time, the 12-W boot at Catherine's fit perfectly.  And at half price, the boot was perfect for my needs. So they jumped into the trunk of my car with a couple of pairs of socks that I can wear with other informal women's shoes.

Sometimes, its nice to be able to spend a little more than expected on something one didn't plan on buying.  I will likely get more use out of these boots than the ones I bought from the Avenue....

I went shopping the other day.

No matter what happens between GFJ and I, I figured that I'd play it safe and buy her a Christmas present.  Shopping to buy her a gift is the one type of lie I will tell her.  But if things go totally sour, I can always exchange the sweater for one in my size.  (That is one advantage of being transgender - I am familiar with the offerings in stores that cater to women, and know when something good is on sale at a reasonable price.)

A common complaint among many plus size cisgender women is they have nowhere to shop for clothes in person.  Dress Barn is closing (at the time I'm writing this) by the end of the year. The Avenue stores have all closed down, though there is still an on-line presence for that store.  That leaves a diminished version of Catherines selling clothing staples, and Lane Bryant selling more trendy clothing targeted to the younger plus sized woman.  While at the store, one of the salesladies mentioned some of the complaints (not at Catherine's) that former Avenue shoppers have, now that that chain has closed up shop.  These women feel that they have nowhere to shop anymore.

In that conversation with the saleslady, she mentioned that she liked the coat I was wearing, and that she wished that her store carried such merchandise. Although the store was filled with coats, none of them had the look of the classic wool coat.  She complained that district management had no idea of what customers wanted in the stores, and that no one listens to what is going on where it counts - in the stores.  I'm afraid that if this company keeps ignoring its front line, that it will end up just like the Avenue.  And that'll be a damned shame.

As it stands, I have a large enough supply of women's clothes to last me for a while (in my present size).  Hopefully, the owners of Catherine's and Lane Bryant will figure out how to make more money from their stores and keep more of them open....

A quick stop at Arts Westchester, then off to a meetup in the rain

I feel that I photograph terribly.  No wonder why one of my ex girlfriends never wanted pictures taken of her.  Luckily, I have a couple of photos of her to remember the time we spent together.  However, I doubt that we'll ever bump into each other again.

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Just as I was about to leave for Arts Westchester, I heard two men working in the apartment downstairs from me.  From appearances, the two young people and child that occupied the apartment for 6 months did some damage to the place as they left, also leaving unwanted furniture behind.  Already in female presentation, I walked into the place and started to take pictures until I was asked to leave.  But there are some issues that will need to be taken care of before anyone moves into the apartment.

You'll note that the deck has rotted away.  We have a program to replace all failing wooden decks with more durable material.  However, with no one living in the apartment, there is no one who would complain about this safety hazard.  Therefore, I intend to report this to the co-op board for further action.

Here, you'll note that the glass has a crack, and the window will need to be replaced.  If we get extreme weather, it is possible that the window will fail, allowing outside elements to get into the apartment, causing damage to the building.

And finally, you'll note that the wires to the thermostat have been disconnected.  The light switch below it looks like an amateur installation, not being done by a licensed electrician.  Unfortunately, I did not get the chance to examine things further, as I was asked to leave after taking these pictures.

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I got to Arts Westchester just as the monthly meeting was ending.  Since my only reason to go there today was to drop off a review of the performance of the Westchester Collaborative Theater, I accomplished what I needed to take care of.  After a quick stop at Barnes and Noble for a cup of coffee, I decided to drive to Catherine's to see if I could pick up a second sweater. 

Driving along Route 95 wasn't too bad until I got to Stamford. And from there, it was one long traffic jam to the suburbs of New Haven.  I entered Catherine's while the two employees were taking their dinner break, telling them that they didn't have to stop their meal while I was in the store.  Looking around, I didn't find much that I was really interested in without discounts (I forgot my discount coupon at home - aargh!) other than the sweater I was looking for.  So I put the sweater on the counter and continued my browsing.  When I meandered over to the bras (there were two there that I should have bought while they were half off) the saleslady asked me if I wanted a bra fitting.  (I guess I passed well enough today to be taken as a cis female.)  I declined, but made sure to chat with her for a while before buying the sweater.

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Once done there, it was back to Norwalk for dinner.  While in transit, I stopped by a Mobil station for gas.  I mention the brand and the pit stop because I had problems paying for gas on the way to Catherine's.  When I selected "Pump 3", the phone app mistakenly opened up the pump on the other side of the highway and not my pump. (The location said Route 95 Southbound, where I was at a Northbound pump.) So I cancelled the transaction, and proceeded to drive to the store.  On the way back, I decided to buy gas at the Southbound pump - and everything worked correctly. 

Although I expected to be late for dinner, I was only a few minutes late.  Luckily, I saw the organizer of the meetup at the bar, and she told me where the group was sitting.  It was a smaller group today, but we were able to have better conversations.  All too soon, dinner had to end and I had to make the drive home. 

At least, I made it home safe, after driving on roads which I don't like driving on following heavy rains.

A little volunteering and a little clothes shopping.

The above picture was taken when I first started trying to dress androgynously.  I was not yet ready to wear a dress or skirt in public, nor was I prepared to present myself as a female.  I've sure come a long way since then!

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Last night was not a good night for sleep.  I woke up at 8 am with only 4 hours of sleep, and went back to sleep shortly after 10, waking up at 1 pm.  Of course, this meant that I was not going to get out and about early in the day as I had hoped.  Instead, I got to the LGBT Center for a 90 minute volunteer stint at 3:30-4:00, and left around 5:30.  This was truly non-eventful, as I wasn't that busy when doing my tasks.

Afterwards, I drove over to Catherine's in Paramus to browse the store.  I could use a new pair of leggings or two, but I didn't find ones I liked in my size.  So I ended up not buying anything today.  (I have my eyes on a scarf and a chenille sweater that go very well together.  The sweater is so soft and cozy, that I'll buy it as soon as it goes on sale.)  Since this will likely be my last visit before "Black Friday", I took note of the price points on garments I wanted to buy and will likely buy them as soon as they reach the point I feel they are worth my money.

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After I got back home, I chatted with GFJ for the better part of an hour.  She had just returned from Florida, enjoying a few days at a housing development ("The Villages") that they hope to market to potential snowbirds like GFJ.  However, GFJ will likely never move to a development like The Villages, as there is not enough there to make her comfortable living there.  As for me, if I ever get to the stage where I want to live down south part of the year, I'd consider living in a development like that - as long as I'm not stuck with excessive costs in doing so.