Sleep? What is that?

 

Last night, I didn't fall asleep until some time after 4 am.  As a result, I set my alarms to start waking me up around, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30 and 10 am.  What I didn't expect was a phone call from my bank to ask questions about a credit card which was stolen in Chicago about 2 months ago.  By the time 10 am came around, I was wide awake, and getting ready to drive down to the Bronx to see BXM,  (This was the main reason for the alarms, as I would hate to oversleep and forget about her.)

There were several things I had on the docket for today.  First was a call into my 401k custodian to see whether my distribution check was cut (or not). Next, was a visit to BXM.  Finally, I had to restock my refrigerator with fresh food, and this would likely mean a trip to Trader Joe's  Given that I had to get the 401k check cut before year end, I logged onto the 401k site and found that the 401k check had been cut overnight, and that it should be in my mailbox shortly after the New Year.  Whew!  Now, I could get ready to deal with things I wanted to deal with today, such as lunch with BXM, food shopping, and taking care of laundry.

- - - - - -

I was running a few minutes late to meet up with BXM, and hit a traffic jam on the Saw Mill Parkway at the Bronx border.  (No wonder why my GPS kept telling me to get on a toll road,  the NYS Thruway, instead of taking the more direct and free route to Riverdale.)  She looked better than I remembered, in part because life has been going well for her as of late - and it shows on her face.  I told her about what has been going on in my life since we last met, and she told me of what's been going on in hers. (Not too much or too little, as her job is very rewarding and takes up a lot of her time.)

On the way home, I passed by the Saw Mill's traffic jam (the trucks were still blocking one lane of the road) and proceeded to Trader Joe's.  This was a big shopping run, as I broke the $50 barrier and came close to spending $75.  But I still needed to go to Foodtown for some mayonnaise, and spent another $20 while there.  Thankfully, today's shopping run will last me into the weekend.

 

A Holiday Weekend with RQS (Part 1)

 

This was going to be a LONG weekend for us, as I planned to drive down to RQS's place on Friday, and then the two of us would return to Westchester for the rest of the weekend.  So, I made sure that I could get by on what I had left at RQS's place the week before, so that I would have room in my car to bring the remaining luggage from our California Cruise back to my place.

- - - - - -

As usual, I didn't get out of my apartment until 3 pm, and had few traffic problems until I reached Queens.  Then, I couldn't avoid traffic problems until I reached side streets that would take me to RQS's neighborhood.

Normally, I take the Whitestone Bridge into Queens, and then the Whitestone Expressway / Van Wyck Expressway to the Jewel Avenue exit.  From there, I usually take side roads to RQS's place instead of fighting traffic to reach the Jackie Robinson Parkway.  However, the first of the jams I hit was on the Whitestone - traffic on the Van Wyck wasn't moving.  So I decided to take the Grand Central to Jewel Avenue  - and hit traffic until I passed the LIE.  (For those not from the NYC area, I'm talking about major traffic choke points in one of NYC's outer boroughs.)  Then, I got off at Jewel Avenue with only a minor issue with street repaving going on. At this point, I was committed to taking side streets.  Since I expected a major traffic jam when crossing Queens Boulevard in Forest Hills, I took an alternate route that brought me to Rego Park before heading inland to RQS's place.  This proved to be a fortunate choice, as I saved a bit of time in getting to RQS's place.  And even better - I found a parking spot in front of RQS's place!

- - - - - -

The next day, we woke up early, loaded up my car, and proceeded to my house.  While on the way there, RQS remembered that she didn't replace the litter in her cat's litter box.  So it was a quick call to her cat sitter, and we were lucky that he could make it over to her place on a day he was fully booked - the litter box was empty, and the cat wasn't happy about it. 

We were lucky to have started out earlier than RQS had planned.  Traffic was much worse than expected for a Saturday morning, and it took over 2 hours (minus time for lunch) to get back to my place and unload the car.  Once the car was unloaded and we had a chance to rest, we had a choice to make:  Do we go out to see some fireworks, and suffer in the hot and muggy air?  Or, do we go across the river to the historic Lafayette Theater to see the latest Indiana Jones movie, and enjoy a performance on the Wurlitzer Organ?  Comfort won out.  How often can one see a first-run movie for $6/pp and hear a performance on the Wurlitzer organ?  As much as RQS liked the movie, I felt that hearing the Wurlitzer again was worth the $6.  To me, the movie was a nice bonus for a live organ performance.

It's too bad that I couldn't upload the other video I had of this person's performance.  Given the film being shown AND the song being played in this clip, it's an appropriate way to end today's entry.

We decided to take a couple of short "cruises"

 

 

"All Under Heaven Are Equal."

Today, RQS and I decided to see a movie in the city.  One problem: We had to take the subway to get there, and her line wasn't running due to construction on the line.  So, it was off to the bus stop where we waited for a long time.  No, it was not the normal 5-10 minute wait.  Instead, it was a close to 20 minute wait, as the construction going on 2 blocks away was fouling up traffic for blocks around.  

As we usually do when we decide to take the bus to the subway, we walk a couple of blocks to the nearby express bus stop. And that's where we waited.  Buses tried to make the left turn onto an Eastbound street, only to find out that construction related jams were forcing everyone to back into the intersection to turn and take a circuitous route around the construction zone.  Flushing bound buses were taking roads usually used by Brooklyn bound buses causing even greater confusion for many riders. And as far as I can tell, it was all because a single key intersection was closed to vehicular traffic for the weekend.

We eventually made it to a subway line that was running and made it into the city.  And then we took the "backdoor" route to Chinatown to reach the Nom Wah Tea Parlor. (Ping's was closed for renovations, scheduled to be open next weekend.) Sadly, there was a 60 minute wait to get into the place.  So it was off to find another nearby place - and we did just that.  The food was acceptable, but not as our other go-to places. 

 
After lunch, it was off to the Staten Island Ferry.  Neither of us had taken the ferry in years, and I figured that it would be a nice way to kill some time.  So, off we went to the ferry, and onward to Staten Island.  For those who want a pleasant way to kill 60-90 minutes, a round trip on the ferry would be a good way to do this.  Once we were done with the ferry, it was off to the movies and  that's where our problems began.  

RQS had read the theater's movie schedule, and we believed that the movie we wanted to see was showing at 5:30.  One problem - the movie was scheduled for Sunday, not Saturday.  Now, we were on the West side of Manhattan with an awkward walk to take us to a subway station from where we could go home.

We finally made it to the subway, and it was almost a case of "you can't get there from here."  But we did get to the line we wanted to reach, and made it to a station near her home.  After a stop at the supermarket, we had to wait for a bus to take us home. By now, it was 3 miles of walking for us, and we were too tired to cook.  So, again it was Door Dash to the rescue - albeit with 30% higher prices than if the restaurant had been doing its own delivery.  (I avoid using them at all costs, as I don't believe that they should be nicking the restaurants 30% of the bill, instead of levying a fixed service charge.) At least, we didn't have to go back outside to pickup the fixings for dinner.

Seeing FH for a seafood dinner

 

It's been a while since FH and I got together, Part of me was ambivalent about seeing her, as we do not have too much in common.  But then, I think my ambivalence was related to once dating FH.  Today's post has almost nothing to do with me being transgender, save that I showed FH pictures of me in Marian mode while in Hawaii.

- - - - - -

When I have nothing to do, I relax as much as possible, and relax I did. By the time I was ready to drive to FH's place, it was 4 pm, and I still had to gas up the car, then get cash for the week before proceeding to FH's place.  As much as I tried to avoid some traffic jams, I still took longer than expected to get to Forest Hills.  Once FH got in the car, it was like old times.  No, I don't mean that things went smoothly.  Instead, I mean that it was obvious why I could never have a serious romantic relationship with her, and why she could only be the type of friend I could meet for an occasional dinner once in a blue moon.

We arrived at the restaurant a little bit early, and sat down for dinner as soon as we arrived.  Yes, it was a little bit of sticker shock for FH, but I wanted her to make sure that whenever we get together that it is "dutch treat". She wanted an adult drink, while I could have settled for something a child would drink. Yet, she didn't know what she wanted to drink, and had the waiter suggest a drink.  Too bad that she didn't like it - she had to flag down our waiter to get a different drink.  As for me, I have several go-to adult drinks that I will order, and I decided to have one with dinner.

After waiting a while (and eating the bread, carrots, and celery that was in front of us), dinner came - and we both were filled to the gills. And then it was time for us to go home.  By the time I dropped FH off, I realized how much I missed RQS and wished that she were here with me. 

Fireworks!

Although this is not one of my better photographs, it gives the viewer an idea of what RQS and I saw this weekend....

- - - - - -

One of the things about living in the Hudson Valley is that we have a choice of fireworks displays to choose from on any given holiday/holiday weekend.  This year, I decided to take RQS to see the Labor Day fireworks display at West Point, but view it from across the Hudson River in Cold Spring.

For those of my readers who don't know the Hudson Valley, Cold Spring is a sleepy little river town about 90 minutes from NYC by train.  Like many river towns around here, there is a little area near the river front where one can often find a park, a railroad station, and some marinas; with a main street that goes up a long hill.  When I moved to the area, Cold Spring was about to be found by the artistic community, and housing prices were about to zoom beyond the ability of locals to afford them. Today, Cold Spring is one of the more expensive towns in which to live in the Mid Hudson Valley. And it has kept much of its small town charm.  This year, it coordinated its neighborhood street fair to coincide with West Point's fireworks display. 

I normally don't pay close attention to what happens in many of the river towns, so I was a little surprised to find out about the street fair, as it blocked direct access to the river.  However, I was able to find a set of side roads which led us away from Main Street and to the river.  Once I found a convenient parking spot, we had a couple of hours to kill before the fireworks started. So we found a vacant park bench and listened to the Slambovian Circus of Dreams until the fireworks began.

Although watching West Point's fireworks from Cold Spring did not provide us with an optimal view, it did make it very easy to go home from the park.  We didn't have to drag lawn chairs for 3/4 to a car nor did we have to deal with traffic jams getting out of West Point and getting across the Bear Mountain Bridge.

Come on baby, drive my car....

I'll bet that you don't know what this car is. One thing I can say is that you couldn't pay me to drive one.  With that being said, my latest drive home from RQS's place took over twice as long as it should have taken, and some of that was caused by me refusing to listen to routing instructions from my phone's GPS app.  At least, we were able to see "The Automat" this weekend, as we didn't need a car to get into NYC.

- - - - - -

Yesterday, I drove to RQS's place to visit with her and to see "The Automat" at the Film Forum.  She offered me the choice of watching this film or The Godfather in a 4k restoration.  Given that I can watch the latter on either of 2 days this coming week, it made more sense to see the documentary while it's in the theater.

One of the things about watching documentaries is that one has to have a moderate interest in the subject for it to hold your attention.  Given that the last Automat closed roughly 60 years ago, it's amazing that this restaurant chain still tugs at the hearts of many New Yorkers and Philadelphians.  Yet, it does, and it's a concept that should have been able to survive had the chain had good management in turbulent times.

I won't go into my analysis of the chain's demise.  However, I could have done some historical work for a thesis to be presented at a business school.  Let's say that I could see several easy to fix reasons for the corporation's demise, and wish that someone in power had explored them before shutting down the chain.

I woke up early, and wished I could wake up late

 

Last night, I went to sleep early in an attempt to recharge after a long weekend.  However, my body clock had its own way, and woke me up almost 2 hours earlier than I wanted.  So, again, I was barely awake as I did my job in the morning, and became more awake as the day went on.

As Covid-19 worries recede into the past, people are starting to go in to their offices again.  This means that there is much more traffic on Route 9a heading South, and many more times that traffic will get screwed up by either an accident or a series of ultra slow moving vehicles.  (Garbage trucks and cement mixers come to mind here.)  So, getting out of the house by 7:15 may not be a viable choice anymore, if I want to get to work on time with time enough to get my breakfast sandwich.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should have taken this job in Mario mode.  I feel much better in a feminine presentation these days.  (I'm not uncomfortable as Mario.  I simply prefer to go out in the world as Marian, as I feel freer in a woman's role than in a man's role.)    The extra 30 minutes it takes for me to get ready to go out in the world as Marian is a small price for me to pay.

After work, I chatted with TCL, and then with FH.  However, I never made it to call any of the other women on my list, as I didn't have it in me to chat much.  Yet, I made it to my Tuesday night Zoom meeting with my friends in Texas.  This left me with no time to take care of any of the other items on my to-do list.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a day that I can catch up on things....

Dinner with the Fun Time Friends

This is not the normal way I enjoy Sake.  However, when a Hibachi chef is squirting it into your mouth, why say "No?"  The Fun Time Friends meetup was in full force tonight, and it was Marian's time to shine.

- - - - - -

My original plans for the day were to go to work, drive home, take 15 minutes to change, then drive to the meetup.  I thought better of it when I remembered that I'd be driving during rush hour, and that a 60 minute drive in off hours would take 90+ minutes during rush hour.  So I started off from my office and was making great time until I reached Stamford - and then the problems began.  First, Google Maps routed me from the Merritt Parkway to I-95.  And then, when I reached the Sherwood Island connector, Maps routed me (and several other people) along some nice side roads to bypass the traffic jam.  Unfortunately, Maps had to put us back on I-95.  But I was a little lucky.  I was able to pull off into a rest area, and then make myself presentable for dinner.

Eventually, I arrived at the meetup, and most of the bunch were early.  At least, this time, I was able to sit with the group's organizer (when she was sitting down at the table).  The organizer doesn't know how good she looks.  Nor, does she know that Mario has seen her personal ad.  It would be a hoot if she swiped right, not knowing that she already has met me in Marian Mode, as had CMF.  A little bit later, the fellow who always wants a picture with me got his picture, and I was free to chat with the two ladies sitting next to me.

- - - - - -

Once dinner was done, I tried to call FH.  Her fax line came on.  About 20 minutes later, she called me - and we were chatting until the line cut out.  However, she got pissed at me because (1) I didn't call back right away, and (2) that she had to call me 20 minutes later.  Who knows what her mood will be when I see her this weekend....

Later on, when I got home, I took some pictures of my SoClean CPAP disinfecting unit.  Seems like a piece of plastic broke, and the lid won't stay shut.  (My workaround is to put a weight on top of the lid.  But I shouldn't have to do this.)  So I wrote to customer support, sending in pictures, and stating that a product shouldn't break after a year's use.  Hopefully, they will agree with me and work with me to get this problem resolved.

 

 

PS: It took several days for SoClean to get back to me.  They asked me for information to see if my unit was under warranty, and told me NOT to use the unit as it might leak ozone.  With a weight on top of the lid, there is no risk of an ozone leak.  And I thought that it would make some sense to use a Velcro strip to hold the lid down if I don't want to use a weight on top of the lid.

So I will continue using the unit AND pressure them for a replacement if I need to do so.  However, if I don't get a replacement unit, I will pester the CEO of the firm a little, so that s/he knows I am a very unhappy customer.

Mavis Tires - The second, but not final visit.

 

You might wonder why I show pictures of a car's exhaust system.  Well, the long pipe connecting the engine to the rest of the exhaust system failed, along with the parts closest to the tail pipe.  Yesterday, I brought the car to Mavis Tires, expecting to have the work completed by the end of the day.  However, the parts supplier couldn't get the parts to Mavis on time to get me out the door by 5.  So I was told to come back after work to get this work done and to get my wallet emptied.

Whenever I get work done on my car, I go as Mario.  Yesterday, this meant a quick stop at home to change into Marian before going to work.  Today, it meant changing into Mario after work before going to Mavis.  So I had to plan out my day very carefully.

- - - - - -

This morning, the Route 9A Southbound traffic jam from Croton to Route 134 was much worse than usual for 7:20 am.  Cars were bunching up at the end of the bridge out of Croton, and I had to take side roads to bypass much of the jam.  Another jam was around Route 133, and I had to again reroute to side roads instead of getting stuck in traffic.  If I didn't know the alternative routes on side roads, I'd never have made it to work on time.  But I did lose my chance to have a cup of coffee before starting work.

At lunchtime, I received the following message from WDS:

Hello Dear Friend,

1. My brain may recover, but there are no promises. The pressure of the two hemorrhages between my cranium and brain has already killed a whole bunch of brain cells.

2. I'm staying at a house that I rent. No, please don't try to help me. I don't want to live forever, and I definitely don't want to survive as a vegetable. Quality of life is very important to me. Remember that I have had personal experience with that subject and that I understand it well.

3. No, thank you. I get tired easily, and I have to allocate my efforts to selected activities.

I appreciate your friendship and offer to help, but this is an end of life state. I must choose the right path for me at the right time. 

Hopefully when the time comes, he will have someone near him to keep him company as he starts his trip to the great unknown.  Also, I hope that he has someone lined up to inform his friends and family of his demise.

Next, I received a text from FH that something was wrong, and she wanted to talk this evening.  It seems like she wanted more time to talk with her friend, and asked me to come for dessert instead of a midday dinner.

After 8 hours of playing digital "Whack-a-Mole", I was tired and ready to go home.  Instead, I could only stop there long enough to clean myself up, change clothes, and then go to Mavis.  While at Mavis, I texted Vicki, and she picked me up for an unplanned dinner at Panera Bread.  So, at 7:30, I returned to Mavis with a hope that my car would be ready.

My hopes for a quiet car were dashed when I was told that the pipe at the end of the muffler (see bottom left photo) was about 5 inches too short.  It couldn't connect with the rest of the tailpipe.  So I ended up with a noisy car that will have to take me up to see a friend tomorrow.  At least, the fellow assures me that this will be fixed for good on Saturday morning.  Damn.  It would be the only day I could wake up late, and now I can't do so.  AARGH!

Tomorrow, I'll be meeting up with Maria #2 after work.  It'll be nice to catch up with her again.

Too tired to post much of anything

 

Getting up today at the sound of the alarm, I knew this was going to be a long day - and it was. Not only did I barely make it to work today, but being tired caught up with me.  If it weren't for a friendly face or two, I might have had more problems....

- - - - - -

Waking up, I normally read my emails, putz around a little bit, then get ready to go to work.  Well, all seemed to be going OK until I started out the door. Then I noticed that I was wearing my reading glasses, and not my "cosmetic" glasses.  (The latter are non correcting, and only serve to make my face look different enough for people not in the know not to connect Marian with Mario.)  So I went back upstairs and switched glasses.

Finally heading out the door for good, I managed to make it to the deli in time to pick up an egg sandwich on the way in to work. And I was still eating it when I encountered a traffic jam on Route 9a.  From what I heard, one lane of the stretch from Briarcliff Manor to Pleasantville was blocked due to an accident, causing a several mile traffic jam.  So I took side roads to the Taconic, and then missed my exit.  After doubling back to my exit, I barely made it into work on time - without having my needed cup of coffee to keep me awake.

Later in the morning, I found out that I screwed up a box of work yesterday, as I was typing too quickly for the system to keep up.  In short, I made too many proofing errors because I was trying to save some time. Luckily, the person who trained me offered some help, and I was able to repair things before it got to the customer.

Once I finally had my cups of coffee, I was alert for most of the day.  And I was sure NOT to take the shortcuts that almost got me in trouble.  But I knew that I would have to go to sleep early, as I was not in shape to go another day without enough rest. So, when I finally made it home, I was greeted by a pleasant surprise - a package containing two tops I need for my everyday work.

- - - - - -

I only wonder what tomorrow will bring....

 

 

It's too easy to stay in bed all day

 

 

With the exception that I sleep on my back, I often look as spent as this woman does as I wake up each morning.  And if I didn't have something to take care of today, I would have stayed in bed and rested....

- - - - - -

My docket was filled with one task - driving FH and her dog to the vet. This meant one thing, I had to get to her place on time, so that the dog could make it to the vet's on time.  However, FH asked that I arrive at her place a little bit early so that she could stop at the drug store beforehand.  So I didn't have the time I needed to find the Valentine's Day card I had lost in the clutter on my desk.  I figured that I could pick up a V-Day box of Torrone (Italian Nougat Candy) at the local deli - and they had run out.  AARGH!  Now I had nothing to bring with me, and I knew I'd have to lie a little, saying that I left everything at home.

Most of the way down to Long Island was uneventful, save for a traffic jam near the Whitestone Bridge.  I skirted around that jam on local roads, and made it to FH's house ar 2:45.  After our stop at the drug store, we drove to the Vet's office in Richmond Hill where we dropped the dog off for a while. 30 minutes later, it was back on the road, and off to another drug store to pick up her friend's syringes. And finally, we returned to Forest Hills.  FH brought her friend's syringes up to her friend's apartment, and she was concerned about how bad her friend's place was.  (It makes me wonder what she'd think of my place.)  They talked for 15 minutes or so, and then she came back to the car (where her dog was finally resting nicely on my arm.) Now it was time to drop the dog back at FH's place, and then go out to dinner.

Along the way to Herricks, FH brought up the topic of Gender Preference vs. Gender Identity and Gender Presentation.  She still thinks that I am interested in males as partners - and that's the furthest thing from reality.  But I understand the views of people who don't understand what being transgender is all about.  She's living with a misconception that many people have.  And that's one of many reasons I don't think it will work out between us.  We first looked into an Italian restaurant my dad used to like, and it was too crowded for FH's taste.  Then we went next door to the Korean/Japanese restaurant where we had a nice meal.  At the end of the meal, she was chatting with the waitress about "Chinese" new year, not realizing that many Asian cultures celebrate Lunar new year, and that to the waitress it was Korean new year.

There are many things might get to me if I felt that I'd end up with FH.  But for now, she's a nice person to hang out with.... 

 

Do the lights really seem to shine brighter at Christmastime?

 

This is the type of photograph that most people try to take when in NYC around Christmas time.  True New Yorker's tend to avoid the tourist spots, as they hate the crowds there.  I'm one of those people who prefer to avoid the city around Christmas.  But this year may be an exception, as the area will not be as filled with tourists.

Originally, my plans were to meet FH at her place at 5 pm.  Instead, she asked me to get there at 5:30 pm, and I was glad to oblige.  (I needed the extra time to fill up the car, and to get some cash out of the ATM.)  When I got there, FH wanted to pick up some food.  At the same time, I was hearing a weird noise coming from the car, as if something was dragging on the ground.  So I stopped in a lit area to check if something was caught under the car.  And then, it was off to a pizzeria a block away.  Normally, Pizza is not the meal I'd eat inside a car. But we pulled over to a safe zone to have a bite to eat, and then we were off to NYC to see some of the store windows.

Sadly, I made the mistake of trying to get to Queens Boulevard from the East instead of the South.  And this put me into the traffic jams caused by the shopping zones near  the Queens Center mall.  AARGH!  It took us 45 minutes to travel the distance I could normally travel in 5 minutes.  And then, FH was very concerned that we were hitting traffic lings on the way to the Queensboro bridge.  It was not a pleasure having her in the car for a trip (that in normal times) would be better taken on the subway. With all the traffic jams and with FH being a back seat driver, I was unhappy that we chose this trip for our weekly activity.

Just before we reached Saks and the Rockefeller Center tree, FH's daughter called, and FH wanted to go home.  (Her daughter has a health issue that causes FH to worry.)  Again, the trip home was plagued by poor road signage, questionable road signaling, and FH pushing me to drive unsafely.  I was glad to be on the way home, even if it was going to take me 90 minutes to get there.

Would I go into Manhattan again?  Probably, yes.  But I'll avoid areas of bad traffic and park the car in a safe lot.  And even then, I'll be very cautious, as there were more people on the sidewalk than I would like given the pandemic.

 

A highlight of the week

It's been a while since I went to a meetup with the Fun Time Friends.  But this week, I finally was able to go.  And the headache of getting there was worth it....

Normally, I try to set a distance limit for meetups that I only drive an hour or so to get to a meetup.  However, once I reached Connecticut, traffic stopped moving. And what should have been a 70 minute trip became a 100 minute trip.  Since it was too late for me to cancel dinner with the group, I texted the hostess to let her know I was going to be late.  Although I was about 30 minutes late, this was not a problem, as people were still arriving for Milford's Restaurant Week dinners....

Unfortunately, I was not able to sit at the hostess's table.  But I can't complain, as I was able to sit with the great group of ladies in the picture above.  It was nice to feel acceptance as Marian again. People who do not know me treat me as an oversized lady.

- - - - - -

On the way home, I chatted with FL.  She's been dealing with a low grade bug for most of the week, and she had to cancel getting together on Saturday.  This is not a problem, as I am usually sleep deprived at the end of the week, and I need rest.

There's a part of me that can't wait for my census job to end.  As much as I can use the money from the job, I'm tired of this schedule. As much as I'm tired of the schedule, I'll both miss having a reason to get up in the morning AND having a place with good people who I meet on a regular basis.  When the census finally ends, I'll be able to do things with FL during the week - a benefit to having the census end.  My big question is - Is FL too good to be real?  She's making an effort to enjoy me in Marian mode, and liked the thought of going away with me in Marian mode.  Is she trying too hard to have a relationship?  If so, why?  It seems like there should be a red flag somewhere....

- - - - - -

Not much else to say.  More next time.

I didn't plan on buying a new pair of boots. But they were so comfortable!

The other day, I decided to go to a meetup in Connecticut.  I could have spent the day with JS, but I said I was going to a Saturday meetup.  Yet, by the time I got moving, it was too late to go to the meetup.  So I ended up going to Catherine's instead.

Driving on New Jersey's back roads can take an extra half hour to get to where you want to go.  But when roads like Route 4 and Route 17 are jammed with holiday traffic, it actually makes sense to take back roads to get to the shopping malls.  And that's what I did on the Saturday before Christmas.

As I expected, they were having a "last minute" sale, with their clothing priced the same as it was on "Black Friday". So I looked over most of what was in the store, and I didn't see much that said "Buy Me!"  However, I saw a couple of sweaters I had previously bought selling for less than I paid for them previously.  Instead of buying a third in a color I didn't have, I went to the back of the store where I fount a pair of boots in a size 12-W.  Normally, I don't look at women's 12-W shoes, as they are usually a little bit snug on me.  But this time, the 12-W boot at Catherine's fit perfectly.  And at half price, the boot was perfect for my needs. So they jumped into the trunk of my car with a couple of pairs of socks that I can wear with other informal women's shoes.

Sometimes, its nice to be able to spend a little more than expected on something one didn't plan on buying.  I will likely get more use out of these boots than the ones I bought from the Avenue....

Sometimes, I'm stuck in the "wrong" presentation

Last night, my brother returned from England, and didn't text me to let me know he got in. He and his two adult children were doing a little sightseeing while visiting my niece's future in-laws.  I'm jealous of them.  But I'll eventually have the chance to visit my niece and her future husband in their new home.  So I have something to look forward to.  Until then, I'm just an afterthought for my brother and his family.  But more on that later....


Today is my dad's birthday.  That means I will need to be in my male presentation when I go to Long Island.  Because of this scheduling requirement, I was sure to schedule my annual physical for the same day, so that I wouldn't need to change from Marian to Mario. And this meant that I had to be ready to start my day early, then not know exactly when I'd be expected to be at my brother's place.

- - - - - -

The first thing I had to do was to go to the doctor.  And I arrived at his office at the same time as the doctor.  Since this was my yearly physical, he had a few more questions to ask of me, and suggested that I get my eyes checked and to schedule a colonoscopy.  Even though it is less than an hour after I left the office as I write this, I already forgot what I should be asking for with my eyes.  (I can ask the doc about that again when I see him in a month.)  But I'll have to see if the doc who performed my last colonoscopy is covered under my insurance and whether his assistant staff is also covered.  Otherwise, I will need to ask my internist for other recommendations of people who may be on my insurance plan.

When I got out of the doc's office, I got a call back after picking up breakfast - they forgot to ask for a urine sample.  So back to the office I went for 5 minutes, and then onto the house to rest.  Looking at the phone, my brother finally acknowledged my messages, telling me that he is back from England.  Unfortunately, he hadn't yet figured out what he plans to with my dad for his birthday.  So it meant that I would have to be ready for anything.  And I found out that my brother was going in to work today, then do something tomorrow.  As for me, I decided to drive to Long Island to see my dad in the daytime.

- - - - - -

It took me over 2 hours to reach my dad.  Traffic was much worse than usual, and I hit all the traffic jams that I could have expected and more.  But I made it there a little bit before my brother, and by 6 pm, we were on our way to the Japanese buffet to enjoy dinner.  Luckily, my sister in law did not join us, as she had a "meeting" to go to tonight. So the 4 of us felt free to each have a beer and to relax over a leisurely dinner.

Towards the end of the evening, my brother started showing photos of the family trip to England, and I started getting bored.  Yet, I didn't want the evening to end.  There are not that many family gatherings left in my dad's life, and I want to be there for as many as possible.

- - - - - -

Around 8:30-9:00 or so, we brought my dad back to the nursing home, and I started my drive back to my apartment. Shortly before I got home, GFJ returned my call and we chatted for a few minutes.  It appears that she will also be busy during the holiday season, so this will be the second straight holiday with us not being together.  Although I will make New Year's Eve open for her if she wants to be together, I have plans in mind if she were to make it a third holiday of being apart.  At that point, unless I am misinterpreting things, she will have sent a signal without saying anything definite....   Such is life.

A weekend whose plan changed before it really started

Considering how busy GFJ and I would be this Thanksgiving, we decided that we'd get together for a date sometime after her two sons left for home.  With the expected snow to come on Sunday, we changed our plans, so that we could see a movie on Saturday night, then go out to eat.

- - - - - -

Saturday came, and I didn't bother getting up until noon.  Not only didn't I have much to do.  But a couple of books that I placed on hold with the library had yet to come in.  So my original plan of spending the day as Marian was completely scotched because of the change of plans mentioned in the prior paragraph.  That was OK with me, as I hate getting dressed, only to switch into my alternate presentation for the second half of the day.

Around 3 pm, I left for Newburgh where Midway was playing.  It was the only film that the two of us could agree on - either she had seen the film before, or it didn't hold interest to her.  So we agreed to meet at 4 pm, and I started my drive at 3:10.  Why do I mention exact times?  Well, I got stuck behind a couple of tourists on Route 9, and couldn't push the speed limit as much as I'd like.  (This is just as well, as I know I drive a little over the limit at times.) But what bothered me is that when I crossed the bridge, there was a big traffic jam just beyond old exit 10.  So I bailed out before the jam, and took back roads to the theater.  Luckily, I had taken most of these roads at least once before, and knew enough to follow the convoy from old exit 10 to a spot near old exit 7a, ending up less than a block away from the theater.

I arrived at the theater 5 minutes late, and we sat down to watch the film just as the movie started.  Perfect timing - we didn't have to sit through the trailers.  Midway is an enjoyable war flick, but I have one unavoidable criticism: They had to use CGI animation for all of the external aircraft carrier, US/Japanese aircraft, and air battle scenes, as there are no longer enough aircraft from either side to simulate the air battles.  With this being said, I had to give the film makers credit for making things look as real as possible.  If I weren't so familiar with CGI renditions of real life objects, I wouldn't have thought about CGI being used in the film.

When the film ended, GFJ noted that the air battles had too much gun fire.  Part of me wanted to say "Duh!" but I didn't want to upset her - she probably compromised to find a film that I might like.  Instead, I said that we should go for dinner - and it was off to the Chinese Buffet nearby. All too soon, dinner ended and we had to go our separate ways. 

Later in the evening, my brother responded to a message I sent him.  And he surprised me by telling me that he finally bought a new phone - a Motorola Z4.  I think he'll be very happy with it.  If I didn't already have the Z3, I'd be buying the Z4 for less than I paid for the Z3.

- - - - - -            - - - - - -            - - - - - -

Sunday came, and I woke up early enough to go to church.  As much as I don't plan to be a regular church goer, there is something I like in the old rituals that gives me comfort.   Due to the nature of religion, change comes slowly to the traditional service structure, and it's easy to pick up where one left off.  If one is Catholic, you might remember when the church gave its approval for services to be given in the vulgar (read: common) tongue.  In my church, the idea of "sharing the peace" was cribbed from changes occurring in the Catholic church at that time. 

Sometimes, during a church service, my mind veers away from the service itself and onto simple ideas I wouldn't put together outside of a serene setting.  Today, my mind started focusing on the word "communion" and how it relates to "community."  From there, I connected the dots to the word "Communism" and I could see the disconnect between many "Conservative Christians" and the belief structure contained in the scriptures.

John Calvin posited that if you were going to be blessed by God in the afterlife, that God would be rewarding you in this life.  Prosperity would become an indicator of being blessed. In short, we have the beginnings of the false gospel of prosperity that many people believe in.  Today, many Evangelicals have given up the underlying message of Christianity (Feed the hungry, heal the sick, help the poor, etc.) and are doing the exact opposite. They are judging people without knowing the circumstances which affect those in need.

Communion, Community and Communism - What is the link connecting these words?  It is a community coming together to take care of its needy.  Sadly, the word "Communism" has been contaminated by the flawed political system and flawed economic theory that is associated with that word.  The Red Scare of the 1950's still haunts us today.  Use the words "Communism" or "Socialism" and one triggers up cultural memories of an era where America's propaganda machine labeled the Eastern Bloc as Atheists without morals or ethics. If one lived in this bloc before the Soviet Union fell, one would see his/her government as a problem, and see America's propaganda as just that.  They would feel that America has no soul - we were caught in crass commercialism and materialism.

When the service ended, I was again reminded of the healthy version of these words.  Communion - coming together to share ideas which make us better as individuals and as a group.  Community - being part of a larger group, and not needing to be alone in this world. Communism - the idea that we voluntarily share with others so that their needs can be taken care of.   No matter what that faith is, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc., a healthy faith teaches us that we are all part of something larger than we are, and that we should take an active part in improving that larger whole.

- - - - - -

After church, I took a quick trip to the grocery store in advance of the incoming storm.  Unlike many people, all I needed was enough stuff to get me through a day or two. When the storm passes, the roads will be quickly cleared, and I can go out again.  Until then, I might as well do another load of laundry.

Thanksgiving - And nothing got in the way to mar it except traffic.

I'm not sure of what I can and should say about today.  Nothing bad happened.  But part of me would rather have stayed in Westchester and taken advantage of an invite I had to spend the day with my friends from Game Night.

- - - - - -

Not sleeping well last night, I set the alarms to get me moving around 11 - and slept through my favorite TV show of the day.  I prefer the fictional courtroom drama of Perry Mason to the real life political drama going on today.  There is a part of me that always wants to see justice done, and real life doesn't provide enough of that for my taste.  By the time I finally got out the door, it was 1 pm, and I was about an hour late.

My drive to Long Island was uneventful until I reached the Bronx.  From there, traffic slowed to a crawl, and I was forced to get on side streets to make it to the bridge.  Once I was across the bridge, I went back onto side streets again to make it to my brother's place, arriving there at 3 pm, when I was expected at 2.  This was not a problem, as my brother had already picked up my dad from the nursing home, and the turkey was almost cooked.

We chatted about many things, and brought my dad back to the nursing home around 8.  One area of discussion covered addiction, choice of mate, and how relationships flounder. And that gave me an opening to discuss my criteria for choosing my late wife, my issues with Ex-GF-M, and some of the issues GFJ and I are having with each other.  (By my mention of complacency in the relationship, I avoided the need to talk about my transgender nature.) He touched on similar issues he had with his wife.  And we both (at different times) brought up our problems with my niece to make sure that she knows when to cut and run from a dysfunctional relationship.

Eventually, it was time to go home. And I hit only one small traffic jam on the way home.  On the whole, it was a good day - especially, since my brother was able to open up to me and that I didn't have to see my sister in law as expected.  (Nothing against her, save that her presence would have gotten in the way of my chat with my brother.)

Did I go to the first day of the Trans Forum? Nooooo.....

As usual, I've been having a hard time getting to sleep at night.  Last night, I was to blame, as I was editing this blog and taking care of little things well into the "third shift".  So when I woke up this morning, I turned off the alarms and stayed in bed until the afternoon.  As a result, I skipped today's session of the Trans Forum being held at the LGBT Center, and  gave myself a few more hours to rest before going into NYC to see my niece at the Rubin museum.

Around 3 pm, I started getting ready to meet my niece.  Although I took a little longer than usual to get ready, I was out the door by 5:10 pm, with an expected ETA at the museum of 7 pm.  Sadly, this was not to be.  At several points along my way, there were unexpected jams that made it impossible for me to conveniently reach Pelham for a train into NYC.  First, the Southbound Sprain Brook Parkway had a several mile backup leading to the Route 287 exit.  Once past the exit, it took several miles for traffic to resume highway speeds.  Once in Yonkers, traffic jammed up again, forcing me to bail at Tuckahoe road. So I decided to get on Route 87 - another mistake, as the exit for the Cross County Parkway was also backed up much more than usual.  Instead of a trip that gave me 15 minutes of wiggle room to reach the museum, I was running over 30 minutes late. When I finally reached Pelham, the 6:15 train had just left.  I had to wait for the 6:33, which itself was delayed getting into Grand Central.  It took 45 minutes to reach NYC, and another 20+ minutes on the Subway to reach the Rubin museum. 

My niece and I finally connected with each other about 45 minutes late - on a day that she was running an hour early.  At least, she was the one waiting on me for a change.  One thing we noted on this visit to the museum - it seemed as if there was less space being devoted to exhibits than usual.  But we still enjoyed the place, even though we were focusing more on our conversation than the art itself..

While walking around, we talked about many things.  One of these things was her family situation.  She was very uncomfortable thinking about it, so I dropped the topic as soon as I got the information I needed - it looks like my brother and my niece will be cooking for Thanksgiving this year.  So I'll have to do something for dessert.  (Maybe another batch of Chocolate Almond Brownies?)  What surprised me was that my sister in law might be there.  (I won't go into the reasons why I am surprised right now. Let's say that my brother didn't feel safe with her in the house a few weeks ago.)  Hopefully, I won't see her eldest son.  (He's a waste of genetic material, and offends me with his lack of basic intelligence.) I don't want to treat him with more respect than he deserves.

After we were done with the museum, we walked over to A Salt and Battery - a wonderful British style Fish and Chips place.  No atmosphere, but great fish.  And it was there that I talked about my situation with GFJ, as well as the situation with my former cruise partner that caused us to end our friendship.  My niece was shocked about this cruise partner's actions, having the same feelings that Vicki #1 had when I told her the full story. And my niece understood (in a different, but healthy way) why I had to disconnect from this woman and go on my own.  (My niece had to leave home for several years due to the insanity at home. As a result, she's not the kind of woman who'll put up with bullshit from anyone.)

All too soon, it was time to go home.  I accompanied her to Penn Station, where she caught a train home.  While I was on my train home, she texted me and told me how lucky she was.  The train after hers derailed as I remember her text, and all later trains were being backed up on the main line of the LIRR.  As for me, I had an uneventful trip to Pelham, and an uneventful drive home.

Another meetup with the Fun Time Friends

I had two things on my docket for today, and I almost forgot the one I wanted to take care of the most....

- - - - - -

When I got up this morning, I didn't feel fully rested.  Instead, I felt like a battery that was charged to 90% of capacity, but needed a little more juice to bring myself to full alertness.  For a change, I awakened before 7:00, and was out of the bed for the day before 8:00.  If my 7 hours of sleep could be counted from the time I put my CPAP mask on, I'd have had a full night's sleep.  But I didn't start falling out until 1:30 or so, and that was reflected in how I felt.

Taking it easy all day, I didn't start to get ready to do a volunteer stint at the LGBT center until 2:00.  This meant that I'd get to the center around 3:30 for my shift.  And today, my tasks were a little more interesting than usual (but not much).  First, I had to do a Powerpoint slide, a flyer and a couple of calendar updates for an LGBT related movie to be shown next month at a community theater.  Once done with that, I checked all of the LGBT Center's resource website links, making sure that their site contains only validated links.  This took up the better part of my 2 hours there. And then the alarm pop-up came on my phone - I had a meetup scheduled in Southport, Ct. for dinner - OOPS!  I almost forgot that!!!.  So I walked over to my car, started to play some tunes, and off to dinner I went.

When traffic is running smoothly, driving from White Plains to Southport takes about 35 minutes.  However, if one is dealing with rush hour traffic, the drive can take 3 times as long. Tonight's drive took only twice as long - and I got to the restaurant shortly after 7:00.  I remembered this restaurant's location from years ago.  It is the former site of the Southport Brewing Company, a brewpub that an ex-girlfriend and I used to frequent a few years ago.

Parking my car and entering the restaurant, I noticed that there were no seats available at the table in the background of the above picture (where the meetup's hostess was sitting). So I sat down with the ladies at the table in the above picture.  It was a pleasure being treated as one of the ladies, and even more of a pleasure when the hostess came over and greeted me very warmly.  (If I were presenting as a male, I'd interpret this woman's physically warm greeting very differently.  But I digress.)  She makes me feel that it is worth the effort to come to this group's meetings, as I know she remembers how long it's been since I've been around to one of the group's meetups.

Service at the restaurant was very slow.  We didn't have our orders taken until 8:00, and didn't even have food until 8:45 or so.  For a busy night (this was Fairfield County Restaurant Week), they didn't staff the place well.  And by the time we were finished with dinner and paying our checks, it was coming on 9:45.  Even our hostess was unimpressed with the place, and will likely never schedule another dinner there in the future.

Leaving the restaurant at 10:00, I called GFJ for the ride home, and we chatted for the next hour.  As much as neither of us had a lot to say, it was good to know that there was someone on the other end of the line who cares for me, someone to keep me company on a boring drive home.  She is the reason why I said in one email: "There are some things I want more than transition." Hopefully, GFJ knows that our relationship is that important to me....