The most important thing on my docket was a sleep test.

 

Imagine me going to bed.  Then imagine me shoring, with a touch of sleep apnea.  That is what is going to be measured tonight....

- - - - - -

Several weeks ago, I noticed that my CPAP machine was generating a message telling me that it has exceeded its projected life span.  Since life without a working CPAP machine would not be good for my health, I had to visit a sleep doctor AND schedule a sleep test.  Well, tonight is that sleep test.

Normally, I sleep in some form of feminine nightwear.  So, to take this test, I had to buy a pair of men's pajamas from Amazon and hope they fit.  They arrived yesterday, and now I'm packing a to-go bag for an overnight stay.

My problem is that I'm usually awake until 1-2 am.  This is not good for someone taking a sleep test.  Hopefully, this won't be a problem this time around.  But I wonder - will they be starting from scratch to determine if I have sleep apnea, or will they be measuring my breathing for the prescription I'll need for a new CPAP machine.  

Ideally, I'll have the new machine by mid-October.  If not, I hope I have it before Thanksgiving.  Keep your fingers crossed. 

 

PS: Tomorrow, I can revert to Marian mode and go and get a Mani-Pedi.  Yay!

RQS has gone home. (But I'll see her tomorrow.)

This past Friday, RQS came up to spend the weekend.  Because I had purchased tickets to Lawrence of Arabia for a Sunday evening showing, she stayed over until Monday morning.  It was unusual for her to leave so early in the day.  But she had to get her hair done before meeting me tomorrow.

Once RQS was safely on the train, I took care of some business for the co-op at the bank, then went home to chill a little before meeting with my sleep doctor.  Soon, I'll have an appointment to take a sleep test (hopefully, at a lab and not at home) as a precursor to getting a new CPAP machine.  And then, I went home to rest some more before having the first interview for a study I've volunteered to participate in. Around 6:45 pm, I had my interview for the study, and all went well.  So I know what I'll be doing for the next 3 months or so.

- - - - - -

Tomorrow, it'll be my turn to meet RQS in Manhattan for a nice dinner.  Thankfully, the weather will be nice enough for me to dress relatively nice, so we won't look like Mutt and Jeff.  Since RQS will have her hair nicely done, I'd like to get a nice picture of the two of us together....

Visiting TCL for lunch.

 

It's been a while since I've seen TCL.  She prefers to see me as Mario, and I try to schedule "Mario Days" as rarely as possible.  So, I scheduled a Mario Day, in order for her to feel comfortable wen I visited.

- - - - - -

As I've mentioned in this blog, I prefer to spend as much time as possible as Marian.  But, having spent the past holiday and a long weekend as Marian, it was time for me to go out in the world as Mario for a change.  And this was the right call, not only because of TCL's preferences, but because TCL had me assist her in both the search for a lost TV remote control, and in corralling her cat so he could be pilled.

But first....

Parking near the chosen restaurant gets very crowded by 1:00 pm.  This meant that I'd have to get to TCL's place by 12:30 pm, to be able to park near the restaurant.  We were able to find a parking spot and get inside the restaurant by 1:00 pm, and settled down to a nice, filling lunch.  In addition to the Chicken Gorgonzola, I had soup, salad, and an appetizer of Eggplant Rollatine.  Everything we ate was yummy, neither of us having room for dessert.  While eating, my meal was interrupted by a call from my sleep doctor's office.  Now, I have my appointment for a consult, which will be followed by another sleep test, and hopefully another CPAP prescription.

When we drove back to TCL's place, it was "the hunt for the lost remote control."  We moved chairs, sofas, side tables, and storage containers in this search - and I couldn't help but work up an unneeded sweat.  Eventually, we found the remote control and it was time to rest for a while before pilling the cat.  This wasn't has hard as it sounds, as her cat was totally under her control while it was fed its medicine.

Soon afterward, I had to go home.  I was glad to get out of her place by 3:30 pm, as traffic was starting to back up in Rockland county on the bridge approach.  Although I had planned to do 2, 3 and maybe a 4th load of laundry, I stayed in my air conditioned apartment and relaxed all evening.

Now that I'm back home, I'm catching up on things.

 

OK, it's been a while since I've been able to sleep in my own bed.  And it feels strange!  I guess that I'll have to make it into NYC with RQS and have her try out the Saatva mattress I liked so much.  Given that RQS has fallen in love with her mattress from Bob's Discount Furniture. I figure that I will have a hard choice to make sometime soon - do I want a bed with a fixed base, or one with an adjustable base?

While I was away, I received a letter from a lawyer in Los Angeles that I am one of the beneficiaries of my uncle's trust.  My brother is more upset at the terms of what hell get from it than I am.  I guess it's because my uncle considered a close friend in LA that he's known for years to be as much a family member as his blood family is.  Given that I have seen a list of the beneficiaries, I have a strong feeling that my uncle wanted to see most of his money go to causes that he cared about.

I'm glad that I did a load of laundry on the second to last day that we were on the ship.  I only have a couple of days of dirty laundry from the cruise to add to my laundry basket for another load I have to put in to my co-op's washers/dryers before the end of the week.  The rest of the laundry in my suitcases can be put back into my dresser drawers.

Bill paying is a pain in the neck, and I had a small stack to take care of.  One of these bills was a credit card charge related to a cruise I'll be taking next year.  (More details on that later.)  I'm lucky that I have overpaid my co-op maintenance charges enough to skip one payment and still have a hefty surplus in my account.  (The same went for my electric bill as well, but not to the same degree.)  At this point, I am in good shape financially, even with an unexpected expense.

Depending on where I stand with my accounts, I'm thinking of surprising RQS with an expensive gift that we both can enjoy.  (No, it's not a ring.)  If I do so, it'll be closer to year end that I spring this on her.  She's a good woman, and I want to show how much I appreciate her being in my life.

Just before I took my recent trip, I found out that my online pharmacy was unable to reach my doctor's office to renew my prescription.  So I called the office this morning, and reached a receptionist who may not have bothered to see that the prescription is called in.  I'll have to double check this tomorrow, as I'm running low on this medicine.  Thinking about doctors, my CPAP machine is near the end of its life.  Tomorrow, I have to call the sleep doctor to see whether I need another consult and another sleep test before I can get a new machine.  (I also want to buy a second machine, just for travel.  But I'll talk with the doctor about that first....)  It's hard to believe that I got this machine 9 years ago!

As I said in the title of this post - I'm catching up on things....

Going to RQS's place to drop off luggage for our trip.

Since we will be leaving for our cruise next week, I decided to bring my luggage to RQS's place so that I don't have to handle two rolling bags, a CPAP machine and a small backpack on the subway the day before our trip.  And this is where my apprehension kicked in - I am a little nervous about flying overseas and going through customs in a foreign land.  To make things a little worse, I fear losing my travel documents (and other important things) while overseas.  Yes, I am a little out of my comfort zone.  But it takes a willingness to leave one's comfort zone in order to grow.

I called a cab to take me to the train station, then headed down to Manhattan on a local.  (I prefer express trains, but I didn't want to wait the extra 20 minutes and arrive within 5 minutes of the first train.) And then it was a descent into the bowels of the NYC Subway.  The MTA says that Union Square is an "accessible" subway station, but it is not so if you are traveling on one of the numbered lines (4, 5, & 6). There was no way that I was going to hump a 50+ lb. suitcase up a flight and a half of stairs to make a connection there.  So I made my transfer at Bleeker street.  I'm not sure if this was a mistake, as I ended up standing for my entire trip to Queens.  Luckily, the bus arrived within 5 minutes, and I was able to make to RQS's within 2 1/2 hours of leaving home.

Shortly after I got there, we went out to eat.  This was one day that I wish I had been able to do out as Marian, as it was a perfect day to wear a nice dress.  When we got home, RQS joked (but was half serious) that we're getting to the point where she's comfortable seeing me in a dress all the time.  Wow! Who'd have thought this 2 1/2 years ago?!?!

- - - - - -

The next day, we decided to go into Manhattan to see a play at the Irish Repertory Theater.  But first, we had to go to the bus stop.  On the way there, we saw a resident of this apartment building putting this sign up as a protest against the building's owners.  (There was a commotion at this building that made the news from what RQS said, and that the 2 owners come from an insular section of Williamsburg, Brooklyn where ethnic bonds are very tight.)  RQS is grateful that she has a harmonious relationship with her landlord, even though he lives at least 2 hours away from her.  But I digress....

Molly Sweeney is a 3 person play about a blind woman, her husband, and the doctor who allows her to see for the first time since she was 18 months old.  The actors were fantastic, and the play was moving.  It is tragic, as giving this woman sight ended up removing her from the world in which see without the benefit of eyesight.

After the play, we stopped into the above hot dog joint for a bite to eat before returning home.  While there, a bum started hassling the owner, demanding food and creating a nuisance of himself.  It got so bad, that the owner had to chase the bum away by swinging a 2" x 4" at the bum.   When the bum was gone for a while, the owner noted that the police don't bother coming to chase these people away anymore.  Store owners in the area are helpless, and have to defend themselves against these crazies who return on a daily basis.  A few minutes later, the bum returned and started hassling a lady.  Luckily, the bum stopped bothering her.  But if he had laid a finger on RQS (or myself), I would have slammed him to the ground, stomped on his balls, then make sure that he needed medical help before calmly walking away from the scene.

- - - - - -

The next day, it was time to go home.  In one sense, the return home was uneventful save for 2 things: 

• I made the mistake of going to White Castle and ordering the wrong food.
• My belt buckle broke, which rendered the belt useless. 

Why do I mention White Castle?  Well, I have loved "Belly Bombers" since I was young.  And this outlet was at the transfer point between bus and subway, a very convenient spot for me to indulge in a guilty pleasure.  However, Puerto Rican day was being celebrated a block away from the Castle, and several young children were getting in the way of the soda machine - which had run out of the syrups for the choices I'd like to have made.  The distraction of children near the order window caused me to order the wrong thing - 2 chicken sliders instead of the 4 burgers I usually get.  I also ordered clam strips - another mistake, since they were overdone and had no flavor.  (I should have gone to the local Mickey D's a block away.)  On the way out, I noticed that my pants were a little loose and found that the reversible buckle had broken.  Since I couldn't fix it, I had to toss it and go home with loose pants.  It would have been another perfect day to be out as Marian - especially if I could have been wearing a dress.  But I'll have to save that for tomorrow.

Lunch with a friend & Zooming with Friends

Today, I had lunch with my friend, C, from the US Census, and had a monthly Zoom meeting with RQS and my Texas friends.  And I realized that monthly get togethers are the perfect time interval for each, as this gives us enough time to build up enough things we can talk about that happened in our lives.

But first....

Sooner or later, I will need to schedule an appointment with the sleep doctor.  I am falling asleep, but still feeling tired when I wake up - which is happening after a sleep of short duration.  I know that my CPAP is working, but there could be something else disturbing my sleep.  Also, I want to get a new CPAP machine prescription before the old one wears out.

Once I woke up, I got showered and dressed in one of the summery dresses I had in my closet.  (I decided not to take the tags off of either of my Universal Standard outfits, as I might end up returning one of them after RQS has a chance to see them on me.  But I digress.  I was very surprised to find that it was over 80 degrees outside, and that I didn't need to wear the denim jacket I had planned to wear.  So when I saw C,  she complimented me on what I was wearing.  Then, we caught up on all of the things that have gone on in or lives over the past month.

All too soon, we had to leave, and I stopped off at the apartment to put my leftovers in the refrigerator. The, it was up to Lane Bryant in Poughkeepsie to do some browsing through the racks.  Luckily, I didn't spend any more money on clothes I didn't need.  (I'll wait to find things other than dresses that both I can wear comfortably and that look good on me.)  On the way home, I stopped off at Aldi to see what the "cousin" of Trader Joe's was like and picked up a few things.  (See: Aldi History.)  Then, I went home for the night.

Once home, I rested a little before a Zoom meeting with RQS and my Texas friends.  Although I hope we can all get together again soon, I doubt this will happen as a foursome.  Instead, I think we have better odds if one or the other friend were to meet RQS and I in one of our travels.  We had a good chat, as usual, and around 10 pm, we bid each other farewell until next month.

Florida-Bahamas Cruise 2023 - Day 6 - Sea Day

 

Florida-Bahamas Cruise - Day 6 - Sea Day - 12/14/23

Today, choppy seas were the order of the day.  Barf Bags were found by all the staircases, and people were complaining in the cruise forum about the rough seas.  Although there is not much that the captain of the ship can do other than to try to find a calmer path to sail, newbies don’t have enough experience cruising to understand this.  They don’t know what really rough seas are like, and will likely complain about the slightest problem

I decided to go to the buffet for both breakfast and lunch, and was glad I did so.  There was no way I was going to get out of my cabin in time for a more formal meal, when I could get what I wanted when I wanted at the buffet. Between meals, I heard several announcements that informed passengers of activity location changes from the pool area to locations in the interior portions of the ship.  With weather the way it has been for the past 24 hours, it was prudent to do this.

 

Since tonight is gala night, I made sure to have everything ready to go.  My LBD with a zipper puller is hanging in the closet.  My stockings (and a backup) are ready to be worn.  And my flats (I chose not to wear heels) are out.  All I needed to do was wait until 6:00 pm to dress to impress.  And I couldn’t wait for this time to come, as I want some nice pictures taken of me tonight.

All too soon, I’ll have to start packing, and I’ll be sad.  Even with all my negative comments about this cruise, I am enjoying it.  At least, I’ll soon be at home and in my own bed with a new CPAP mask.

Finally, the first chance to go out en-femme in 2 weeks.

 

It's been a while since I've been able to go out as Marian.  The logistics of my most recent vacation in California made it impossible for me to switch back and forth between male and female gender presentations.  Now that I've been home for a couple of days, I can finally go out as Marian and interact with the world as my authentic self.

Yesterday, I was supposed to go out with my meetup group to see another session of Drag Queen Bingo. After taking care of a couple of things, I decided not to go - using GI Tract issues as my excuse.  The one problem was that this was true - I didn't want to need to rush to a toilet and find out that I had to wait for it.  As it was, I got home, and barely made it to the toilet before soiling myself.  (I guess that I picked up a mild bug towards the end of the cruise.)

Today, things were better.  I was able to meet one of my friends from the Census and have a leisurely lunch.  Again, my GI Tract acted up a little bit.  But this time, I had a minute or two to spare.  After I was done, I ran down to Micro Center to pick up some Sugru (to repair a fraying power wire on my CPAP machine) and a 30 watt USB-C power plug for use in rapid charging my cell phone.  Although one of the people from my game night meetup was having game night at his house, I had to bug out - I didn't trust my GI Tract.

It was nice to be able to finally go out as Marian.  But this weekend, it will be several days in Mario mode again....

Doctors - a short post

 

Today was a boring day with only one theme that carried through the day - Doctors.  First, I had to check whether I needed to renew my CPAP prescription before buying a new CPAP machine. Next, I received a call from my internist's office asking me whether I would be able to change my appointment. And then, the daughter of the couple hosting game night was dressed in a plague doctor's uniform.  It seems like doctors in one form or another set the tone for the day.

- - - - - -

Being serious, I hardly thought of medical issues today.  Instead, I rested all day until it was time to prepare for game night.  Since I didn't get out of the house until 5 pm, it made sense for me to go to the local Shoprite to pick up something sweet to bring to game night and something substantial to eat tomorrow night.

I  ended up getting dressed twice tonight, as I wanted to wear something that didn't pinch me on my waist line.  The first pair of leggings I wore were too tight, so I switched into something more comfortable that I could wear while sitting down for a few hours.

When I made it to game night, I saw the host's daughter wearing the above plague doctor costume.  I had to take a picture and send it to a couple of my friends. After that, I chatted with the host for an hour and a half, as there were not enough people attending to start a second game.  It was the longest chat I've had with him for a while, and it was a serious chat about work, family, and other assorted things. Eventually, the first game broke up, and I was able to join in a second game  - which I won.  It was a nice way to end the day.

Almost too late to play any games

 

 

Today was a do-nothing kind of day.  And yet, I knew that if I didn't go to play games, I'd be disappointing people who expected me to come to play games.  So I went.  

But first....

I've been quite a bit of an insomniac as of late, not going to sleep until the wee ours of the morning.  This is not good if one wants to live a "normal" life, nor is it good if one wants to take care of things best taken care of in the daytime.  For example, RQS and I are both night owls (to one degree or another), and love to sleep late.  But if we sleep too late, we run the risk of not being to do as many of the things we want to do.

The other night, I couldn't get any sleep because the frame on my CPAP mask broke. Unfortunately, I couldn't find parts from another mask to build a working mask that I could use to safely get some sleep. So I ended up going to sleep around 8:00 am.  Last night, it wasn't much better.  And, tonight, I feel that I will still have problems going to sleep.  So I knew that I had to take it easy during the day before going out to game night.

It's very easy to become a couch potato when one lives on a non-standard sleep schedule.  This is why I fought the instinct to stay home, and chose to go to game night today - albeit 45 minutes late.  Luckily, I was able to get in 1 game (Sushi Go!) and won.

Maybe next time, I'll arrive early for a change....

Sleep Problems

 

 

Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of a sleep cycle for no good reason.  So, I feel tired when I go in to work, and my productivity is down until lunch time.  It doesn't help that I am naturally awake late in the evening, and the effects of sleep deprivation have set in.

- - - - - -

When I was dating XGFJ, I always had problems with her nestling in my arm in bed.  It is not a romantic problem - it's an issue with RQS as well, but she accepts that I will need to shift my body now and then to keep comfortable.  The difference is simple - we communicate better now.  My previous relationship failed because of poor communication, and I wish it had ended earlier, so that we could have stayed close friends. 

- - - - - -

Going away for a short trip has its own problems.  In my case, if I don't bring my CPAP machine with me, I will fall back to having my sleep apnea cause me problems. When I was with XGFJ, she noted that the machine trained my subconscious to keep my airways unobstructed.  RQS notices that I sleep better with the machine, and has no problem with my use of the machine.  

- - - - - -

Even when all things are going right, there's a part of me that's restless.  If no one is with me, this is not an issue.  But, if someone is staying over, I can't just get up and put my thoughts into this blog.  Yet, I have less and less to say on a regular basis, and I am thinking of giving this blog a break for a while.  (I'll bet that FCP will be happy with that, as it was my previous blog that caused our rift (and, according to FCP, signaled the end of our relationship to XGFJ.))

- - - - - -

Luckily, I can get my sleep on weekends.  It's not enough.  But it will have to do until I retire.

Dinner with the Fun Time Friends

This is not the normal way I enjoy Sake.  However, when a Hibachi chef is squirting it into your mouth, why say "No?"  The Fun Time Friends meetup was in full force tonight, and it was Marian's time to shine.

- - - - - -

My original plans for the day were to go to work, drive home, take 15 minutes to change, then drive to the meetup.  I thought better of it when I remembered that I'd be driving during rush hour, and that a 60 minute drive in off hours would take 90+ minutes during rush hour.  So I started off from my office and was making great time until I reached Stamford - and then the problems began.  First, Google Maps routed me from the Merritt Parkway to I-95.  And then, when I reached the Sherwood Island connector, Maps routed me (and several other people) along some nice side roads to bypass the traffic jam.  Unfortunately, Maps had to put us back on I-95.  But I was a little lucky.  I was able to pull off into a rest area, and then make myself presentable for dinner.

Eventually, I arrived at the meetup, and most of the bunch were early.  At least, this time, I was able to sit with the group's organizer (when she was sitting down at the table).  The organizer doesn't know how good she looks.  Nor, does she know that Mario has seen her personal ad.  It would be a hoot if she swiped right, not knowing that she already has met me in Marian Mode, as had CMF.  A little bit later, the fellow who always wants a picture with me got his picture, and I was free to chat with the two ladies sitting next to me.

- - - - - -

Once dinner was done, I tried to call FH.  Her fax line came on.  About 20 minutes later, she called me - and we were chatting until the line cut out.  However, she got pissed at me because (1) I didn't call back right away, and (2) that she had to call me 20 minutes later.  Who knows what her mood will be when I see her this weekend....

Later on, when I got home, I took some pictures of my SoClean CPAP disinfecting unit.  Seems like a piece of plastic broke, and the lid won't stay shut.  (My workaround is to put a weight on top of the lid.  But I shouldn't have to do this.)  So I wrote to customer support, sending in pictures, and stating that a product shouldn't break after a year's use.  Hopefully, they will agree with me and work with me to get this problem resolved.

 

 

PS: It took several days for SoClean to get back to me.  They asked me for information to see if my unit was under warranty, and told me NOT to use the unit as it might leak ozone.  With a weight on top of the lid, there is no risk of an ozone leak.  And I thought that it would make some sense to use a Velcro strip to hold the lid down if I don't want to use a weight on top of the lid.

So I will continue using the unit AND pressure them for a replacement if I need to do so.  However, if I don't get a replacement unit, I will pester the CEO of the firm a little, so that s/he knows I am a very unhappy customer.

Ambivalence is the order of the day

Lately, I've been caught in a web of ambivalent feelings.  Now that options are being made available to me, I have mixed feelings about my choices.  This may be a good thing, as 5.5 years of semi-retirement have taught me the value of having time to myself.

- - - - - -

Today started with a couple of calls, one of them being spam.  The other was a reminder that my iPad was ready to be picked up from the fixit shop, and that I should get there today. But I was tired from the night before, as I first went to sleep without my CPAP mask on, and then stayed awake until 5-6 am or so.  There was no way I'd be up and out the door around 10, so I let myself wake up when my body wanted to do so.

Around 1 pm, I moseyed over to the fix-it shop and picked up my iPad.  Then, it was over to the library to pick up some books that were being held for me. Unfortunately, only 2 of the 3 books were available.  But that should give me a head start in catching up on things, as 1 of the books looks like it'll be a heavy read.

- - - - - -

The other day, when I got the first call from the census bureau, I wasn't sure if I wanted the position.  My reason was simple - unless the money was too good to refuse, I didn't want to work as Mario again.  Instead, I wanted (and still want) to work as Marian.  But with the current anti-TG political regime in Washington, I wasn't sure about taking on the Office Operations Supervisor position. Did I want to go to work as Mario to earn a few extra dollars, or did I want to spend as much time as possible as Marian?

During the past week, I surveyed several people I knew from the TG community about whether I should: (1) Go to work as Mario for the duration of the job, (2) First go to work as Mario, and transition to Marian on the job, or (3) Start off going into work as Marian, even if it meant not getting the position in the first place.  Given that I knew of at least one cisgender male who goes to work in female garb, I figured that I needed to find out whether I could do so before starting the pre-employment process.
 
When I got home from today's errands, I returned yesterday's call asking whether I received paperwork. While on the phone, I took the opportunity to ask whether there would be any problems with me being gender non-conforming.  And I was told that this would not be a problem.  YAY!  Now, I am much more comfortable with the idea of taking on this position, as I can go in to work in female mode every day.

I don't know how I woke up without the alarm, but it was worth the effort to get out early.

It's always hard to get an oil change at Mavis these days.  The place is usually very busy, and that means business like mine gets pushed to the side to accommodate more profitable efforts, such as selling tires.  But if you get to the shop early enough, you can usually get in and out of the place before 10 am.  Instead of a trip for minor service costing me $500 at the dealership, my car can get what it needs for under $200.  And when one is living on a fixed income, the $300 is better in my pocket than in the dealership's till.

- - - - - -

Last night, I knew that I had to wake up early the following morning.  So I went to bed around 1 am, started the "white noise" maker, put on my CPAP mask, and readied myself for a few hours of sleep.  While I was semiconscious, my phone rang.  Seems that RO accidentally dialed me, and killed the call as soon as she started it.  But that didn't keep me alert for long, as I passed out again shortly afterwards.

When I got up, it was a couple of minutes before 7.  So I turned off all my alarms, took my shower, and went out the door as Mario.  I arrived at Mavis at 8, and asked them to look at my front end when they did the oil change and rotated the tires.  I was right, when I hit the curb last Thursday, I knocked the front end a little out of alignment.  So I was glad I got this taken care of before I ruined my tires by uneven tread wear. About $160 later, my car was ready, and I was ready to drive home.  So back to Croton I drove, and back to bed I went for a little while to try and catch up on a few Z's I missed the night before.

- - - - - -

Of course, with the coffee I consumed earlier, I didn't have a chance to catch those Z's.  Instead, I took care of a couple of little things around the house and took it easy for a while. But then, I realized that I may have an interesting set of schedule conflicts.  Either I will need to cancel my attendance at a FTF Meetup dinner or cancel my attendance at a Beacon Meetup dinner due to a dinner engagement with RO.  It'll be nice to be able to see her again this year, as she had some good news to share - her daughter is finally getting married!  YAY!

But I digress a little....

Around 5:00, I started to get ready for tonight's meetup by changing into my female presentation.  It took a little longer than expected for me to get out the door, and I barely made it in time to the Meetup's restaurant.  The usual gang was there, but I couldn't sit at the table I wanted to be at - the last 3 seats had already been taken, so I ended up at another table with other people I don't get the chance to speak with that often.

Originally, I figured that I would order a small dish and get out of the place for $25 or so.  Instead, I ordered the prix fixe 3 course dinner, and ended up spending roughly $50.  (I was glad I took a $50 bill with me, as it made it possible for me to leave a nice tip without going overboard.)  Of course, I fluttered between our 3 tables, chatting with people I wanted to chat with.  However, I didn't chat with all the people I wanted to chat with - the appetizers and main course came while in the middle of chats with friends.  (At least, I'll get to chat with these people the week after Thanksgiving.)

All too soon, the evening had to end.  So it was on with my coat, and back down to Croton and home. Although I can't keep up spending money at this rate without cracking open my 401k, I'm roughly where I expected to be today.  Hopefully, one of the jobs I'm applying for will come though, and I'll be able to stop the short term drain on my savings account.

Waking up early on a Sunday morning.

Since GFJ dropped her bombshell last weekend, I haven't been sleeping that well.  And I was very surprised that I could wake up early, chat with GFJ by text, and then go to church for the first time in a couple of years. 

But I am getting ahead of myself....

Last night, it was the "Fall Back" part of the year - just as the clock struck 3 am, my phone shifted back to standard time and now read 2 am.  And that's when I put my CPAP mask on and tried to go to sleep.  Several hours later, I realized that it was a little before 8 am, and I had the option of going to church.

Looking again at my phone, I saw that GFJ sent a message.  I figured that I would reply, and that got us into a chat.  She'd like to see me again for dinner tomorrow - and that doesn't bode well for a relationship already on life support.  So, I have to gird myself for further potential feelings of grief and lose a night out with a meetup group.  (Why couldn't her timing be better?) By the time our chat was done, I realized that I could make it to church.  So I got showered and prepared to attack the world as Marian.

Leaving the house at the same time as my neighbor, I knew that I was going to get to the church before her.  It's a nice feeling to know that people remember and accept me there, as I was greeted by one of the church's more active members when I arrived.  After the service, I had some nice chats with several people there before retreating to have lunch at an Ossining diner.

I sat down at my seat, and placed an order for breakfast - something (strangely) that was not on one of the menu pages.  (Was the menu put together properly?  Or, is there a separate breakfast menu?)  While waiting for food, I looked at my phone and noticed that my former travel partner had started her own meetup group, and scheduled meetings for Thursdays.  I took two things away from this.  First, without the ability to use me for a crutch, she was forced to do this on her own - something I'm glad she did.  Second, I feel that she chose Thursdays so that I wouldn't join her group or go to its meetups - more her problem than mine.  I sent a quick message to GFJ on this and mentioned the first point.  What I didn't say is that I was glad that I cut off contact with my former travel partner, as I didn't want to be in a codependent relationship with her - something that could easily happen given our mutual weaknesses.

On other matters....

Throughout the day, I exchanged messages with JS.  Her daughter has lined up a job, but with no way to get there and back from where they live.  It's a shame that Mother and Daughter don't make a move to a more mass transit friendly community, so that the daughter can get a job and establish herself as an independent entity.  JS is killing herself with her long commute and is not doing what needs to be done to see that her daughter can make it on her own.

If I don't get together with my niece next weekend, I'll end up accompanying JS to see a psychic in Massachusetts.  Do I really think this person will be of help to JS?  NO!  But I want to see the scam for myself.  JS is an emotionally weak person, and I fear that she will get preyed on by an unscrupulous person - and many psychics are unscrupulous by the nature of their "profession".

Wish me good luck.  I think I'll need it.