Swedish death cleaning - American Style

 

Have you ever looked at a messy apartment and congratulated yourself for getting rid of a lot of the clutter? That's how I felt yesterday after a closet clean out session.  In addition to rationalizing what I'm keeping in the closet, I have given it greater organization for future storage.  

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Some of the things I found in the closet were tools needed for painting and for bathroom tile work. Although I will likely hire out most of the future work of this ilk, it pays for me to keep some of these tools around - just in case.  Next, I found 12 bottles of distilled spirits, all of which I intend to give away over time.  The bottles are properly sealed, and will likely have retained their alcohol content after 30 years. Then, I found enough clothing to fill 2 large donation bags - which went to the donation center today. What I found most interesting is the amount of makeup supplies that I've been keeping in reserve for future use. I never realized how much stuff I bought planning to use, and then stored away as my makeup needs changed.

I will soon need to clean out my storage compartment, so that I can make room for things I don't need in this apartment on a regular basis.  For example, I want to rotating out-of-season clothing between the apartment and the storage apartment, so that the apartment (and its closets) doesn't feel cramped anymore.  Part of this cleanup will be the disposal of a 600+ Vinyl LP collection  I don't play these albums anymore, and I want to see them go where someone might enjoy them.

In both the apartment and the storage compartment, I have some cut glass decanters which have never been used.  I know that 2 of these decanters in the apartment were wedding presents, but I'm not sure of the others that are in the storage compartment.  There will be a tinge of sadness when I get rid of these items, as I will be feeling sad for hopes that died with my wife.  The decanters are among many items I have which provide connections to my late wife, and going through all the clutter has stirred up both memories and feelings.  The more "valuable" things were when my wife was alive, the more feelings I will need to deal with as I dispose of those things.

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Given where things are now, I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.  There's a part of me that wonders what my late wife would be doing had I been the one to pass away.  But I'll never have answers to those questions.  All I can do is move forward, so that I have a place that I can be proud to have guests in again.

Less is More

Lately, I've been driven to gradually eliminate clutter from my apartment to make room for the electricians to work on my electrical outlets and switches.   As a result, there is a great improvement on how the apartment looks, and a higher likelihood that I will again have a cleaning lady make regular visits to the apartment.

Looking at the above two pictures, you can easily see an improvement in the appearance of the area around my loveseat. Still, the work is far from done.  I now need to clean up more clutter in my bedroom, and then make room in my downstairs storage compartment to hold stuff that I use on a regular basis.  I'd consider storing containers with out-of-season clothing in this compartment, along with large packages of consumables (i.e. Paper Towels, Toilet Paper, etc.) that need not be kept in the apartment proper.

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I liken this process to answering the question:

How do you eat an elephant?

The answer given is:

One bite at a time.

That's the philosophy that RQS and I have been taking with cleaning out our respective apartments.  Both of us are dealing with the emotional value of objects.  With RQS, it is furniture and glassware inherited from family members.  With me, it is furniture and glassware inherited from my late wife, as well as some items gifted to me years ago.

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This evening, I watched a YouTube video on how to tell if you have too much stuff.  I'd say that most people of my generation have had to deal with this problem.  This has been a problem of mine for years now, and I feel that I must attack it while I'm still healthy enough to do so.  In the past 12 months, I must have donated 8-10 large bags filled with unwanted items and clothes and delivered them to a nearby donation center.  I have also given away 6+ boxes of unwanted books to a local library's thrift shop.  And I'm not done yet.

Part of decluttering is to provide temporary organization to the things one wants to keep, so that space can be made to hold things that are to be given away or trashed.  Once enough space is available, one removes the scaffolding of the temporary organization, and repeats the process until enough clutter has been eliminated to make a home feel comfortable again.  In my case, I have also taken on a philosophy that old things that are needed, but no longer are comfortable or reliable (i.e. worn out sofas and mattresses, and TVs that no longer work properly) should be replaced as needed to create a more comfortable living space. This means that I will be improving what's left in my home.

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Hopefully, in a few months or so, I will have a place that I will feel comfortable having guests in again. Until then, it will be a process of pruning what I own to a level where I consider the apartment a home, and not just a cramped nest....

Last minute preparations for the Electricians

 

My apartment, from what few pictures I've provided, is an obvious cluttered mess.  Although RQS and I have been working on getting this mess cleared out, there is still too much clutter in the way of my electrical outlets to do all the work on them at once.  This means that I will have people invading my space for several days to come.  AARGH!

It could be worse.  I have the resources to move furniture out of the way, as if I were playing a game of Jenga™.  But I will only be able to move furniture away from one wall per day (at best).  There is way too much heavy stuff (e.g.: 75 y/o file cabinets, beds, dressers) in the way of each wall outlet to get everything done in one fell swoop.

So, I expect to stay in Mario mode until this work is done. YECCH!  At least, RQS will be with me most of the first day of work.  And I will miss her when I drop her off at the station this afternoon.

The high point of my day would be an evening Zoom Meeting

 

Yesterday, I did some serious "damage" to the clutter in my living room/dining room areas of my apartment.  Today, it was time to toss out all the garbage, rearrange things, and finding homes for things displaced from their previous storage spaces.  After yesterday, I didn't need any strenuous work, and I made sure not to do any.

So, I did a little bit more decluttering work, putting books in donation boxes, and others into the remaining bookshelves that I have in the apartment.  Yet, for the most part, I wasted time during the day, and I didn't get showered, dressed and out of the house until 6:15 pm.  And it was time to get something to eat before my zoom meeting.

At the diner, I was served by a woman who was the spitting image (and voice) of someone I worked with several years ago.  I knew that she was a doppelganger for my former coworker, as my coworker lived on Staten Island with her husband.  There was no way that she'd leave project management to be a waitress.  But I'd have loved to ask the waitress about her ethnic origins, just so I could ask if she had a doppelganger relative from the Philippines living in the USA.

All too soon, I had to rush home for my zoom meeting.  (The picture above is how I appeared before everyone started signing on to the meeting.)  I can't wait for all of us to meet in Chicago in two and a half months' time.  Four gals on the town in the big city - we won't have enough time to do it all on this trip, so we may have to schedule something for next year soon....

Getting rid of clutter - my apartment is a mess for now!

 

I've been taking my time in my efforts to clean out the clutter in my apartment.  The above picture illustrates an intermediate point in today's set of tasks at hand. 

But first....

There were 4 things on my docket for today:

1. Calling the appliance service person to figure out what can be done about my refrigerator and the overflow of the drip pan below the refrigerator's condenser.
2. Bringing my car to Mavis Tires to get its yearly New York State safety/emissions inspection.
3. Getting my ear piercings widened, so that I can more easily wear pierced earrings as Marian.
   
4. Donating a box of books to a local library's thrift store.

I had no plans to work on the stuff behind the loveseat (almost completely hidden by things in the center of the picture).  But I wanted a feeling of accomplishment, and I didn't get enough of it lately.

 

Around 8:00 am, I was awakened by the appliance service person.  It was good to finally chat with him.  After some back and forth, I got the feeling that he didn't want to waste my money when I could (for the most part) fix it myself - with minimal input from him.  Once I sent him the above picture, he clarified that the Screw/Bolt near the top of the picture above had to be turned to raise this corner of my refrigerator.

Finally knowing what needed to be done and how to do it, I got to work on this task.  I found my socket set (there was a lot of grime on the box), took out the correct socket and wrench, and raised the corner a little.  Let's hope that this did the job.  I'll find out over the next couple of weeks.

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Next came my trip to Mavis Tires.  This was the only reason that I went out in a male presentation today.  Unfortunately, the two nearby stores had problems with their new machines which print inspection stickers.  They couldn't do the job today, and they didn't know when they could do so.  (Could a trip down to the local mechanic be in the cards by mid month?)  

Since it was well before noon, I decided to skip dealing with my ear piercings, and go home for the day. On the way, I stopped at the thrift store, and unloaded a box of books from my car.  And then I was home with no plans for the day.

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Around 2:00 pm, I got inspired.  I decided to tackle the task of making space behind the loveseat, and to get rid of some books I haven't read in years.  It's amazing how much I started to find as I went through the clutter.  And it was more amazing that I decided to throw out the long, 2-shelf bookcase I've had for almost 40 years.  (It came with my late wife moving in to this apartment.)  But I started on this task, and found a lot of things that I might keep, donate to charity, or toss in the dumpster.

Although I did more decluttering after I finished the bulk of this entry, I left the place a cluttered mess for the evening, and will remedy this soon.

Today was a day spent both lounging and cleaning in fits and spurts

 

This picture was taken a while back, when my desk was neater than it is now.  The clutter on my desk should give my readers an idea of what I let happen in my apartment since the pandemic started.  The rest of the bedroom was in worse condition, but I took some time today to clean things up a little in fits and spurts.

Cleaning up this apartment post-covid has been an exercise in frustration.  It seems like I take 2 steps forward while taking 1 step backward.  Thankfully, RQS has been with me to help on occasion, and things have gradually started to look better.  While straightening things up, I was able to clean up space in my dining area and make the area around my air conditioner much more accessible than it has been in a dog's age.  The same goes for the bedroom, as I've taken the time to throw out more stuff and sort through things that need to find better homes.

RQS notes that we have both accumulated a lot of stuff over the past 30-40 years, and that we don't have enough room to move about in our apartments.  Yet, neither of us likes having accumulated as much as we have accumulated.  We are not alone.  At least, we can gradually eliminate much of the unneeded stuff in our apartments by giving much of it away.  Hoarders can not and will not do so. Hopefully, we will continue the gradual clean out of unneeded stuff from our places, so that we have the option to merge our households sometime in the future.  Only time will tell...

Lots of clutter in 2 apartments

 

Both RQS and I have clutter from other people that resides in our apartments.  My clutter comes from artifacts of both my family, of my late wife and her family. RQS's clutter has similar sources, but more of them.  And we have taken it upon ourselves to help each other clean up the messes which define our apartments.

In our generation, possessions were handed down from generation to generation.  We expected our children to live in spaces bigger than the generations before them.  My late wife preserved the engraved crystal her parents and grandparents used on special occasions. Others preserved expensive place settings used (if ever) for these occasions. And I don't intend to get started on tchotchkes such as Hummel figurines. The baby boomers as a whole seem to believe in accumulating "stuff" to be handed on to future generations - even if it has no demonstrated value or use.

Right now, I am trying to being my apartment into a shape where I can have friends over to visit. RQS is good for me in this area.  And I know I'll have to pay her back this winter by helping her clear out the mess in her place.  By the time we are done, I figure that we'll have an idea of what our long term relationship will look like.  And that's a good thing....

How much is too much?

 

How much is too much?  That is a question I have to ask as I clean up my apartment.  During the pandemic, I had allowed clutter to reach a critical mass.  And, I allowed myself to be entertained by online retail therapy.  In cleaning out the place, I've already donated several bags of clothing to charity, and will likely to donate more in the near future.

One of my weaknesses is to surf the web for dresses that both fit me and will look good on me.  Most cisgender females do not own as many dresses as I own.  But I wasn't able to wear dresses until I reached my 50's.  So, in a way, I'm making up for lost time.  Yet, as I develop my own sense of style, I end up tossing dresses that no longer fit my needs.  In the past, I would stand out because I was wearing dresses when cisgender women would default to wearing trouser like garments.  Now, I have a style which includes these garments when appropriate to wear them.  

If one is a lucky transgender person, one will have the resources to make the mistakes I've made while coming into her own. A word of warning to people newly out - you will stand out like a sore thumb as I did. To some, we may look like drag queens, as we go too far in our attempts to look female. Over time, things will fit into place, and you will blend in if you try to do so.  This might just be a function of finding out how much is too much....

Life is strange

 

During 2020-2021, I let my apartment go to waste while I did my best to take care of myself.  The above image is typical of me - during one of the few chances I had to get to a meetup, I let myself have a little fun.

Why do I mention this?  Well, being transgender got in the way of my last relationship, and my former cruise partner (FCP) sent my (now) ex girlfriend a note that should have been forwarded to me without opening.  Of course, curiosity got the better of her, and the rest is history.  FCP is no longer a friend, and the ex is just an ex - we only have simple communications, and not that of people who were once intimate partners.

There has been a great upside to this.  If the ex and I had not broken up, I would never have been in the position to meet RQS.  And for that, I am very grateful.  She accepts me for who and what I am, something that my most recent ex couldn't do. Although it takes some effort for us to talk about uncomfortable things, we know we need to do so in order to have a solid relationship.  So far, all the signs are still green for us, and I hope that they stay this way.

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I see one of my flaws getting in the way of things, and that is something we've already talked about.  As much as I dislike my job, I am hesitant to leave it.  I know that there isn't much of a chance that I'll find another job at my age, and that leaving means that I'll have to solely live off of my nest egg.  RQS is already retired, and she seems to be doing well in retirement.  She has taken up new hobbies (read: artistic pursuits) as well as doing the exercises needed to improve her body and her health.  And she'd like for me to do something similar when I retire - if only to have me around as long as possible.

Hopefully, I will retire sooner than later, as I've already committed myself to do so with my Hawaii cruise later this year.  It's too bad that RQS will be unable to go with me....

Cleaning the mess that has become of my Apartment.

 

Strangely enough, my bed has more stuff on it today than when this picture was taken.  Yet, I was able to sort through more stuff today than I have been able to do in the past month.  And I have a fighting chance of having this place "clean" enough to have RQS up for a visit.

Vicki and I were supposed to meet today for dinner and a concert in Tarrytown.  The one catch - I really needed this day to clean things up, as I'd have the most free (and energy filled) hours to allocate to this task in one day.  So I skipped out on going to church as I originally planned and started work on the apartment.  

The corner of my bedroom nearest to the nearest part of the bed I sleep on has been an awkward mess for a while.  Now, I've cleaned out that corner.  Additionally, the pathway on the other side of the bad has been cleared out (for the most part), and I have been able to relocate some things into better locations in the room.  I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm hoping that it's not from an oncoming train.

When 3:30 pm came, I reluctantly stopped work on the room and got ready to see Vicki.  As many of my readers readily understand, I tossed several dresses onto my bed to wear tonight, and chose a blouse and trouser outfit in its stead.  (As much as I enjoy seeing Vicki, I'd have rather not gone to the concert.  But she had already bought the tickets assuming I'd be with her, and I didn't want to disappoint her.)

We ended up going to a Taco joint near the theater, and both of us said "Meh!" about the place.  The food was adequate, but not satisfying.  Next time, we'll go somewhere else.  And then it was off to the theater for the next 2 1/2 hours.  To call the first performer mediocre would be a compliment at best.  The second performer struck a chord with Vicki, but not with me.  Next time, I hope she remembers that I wasn't impressed with this guy and goes alone.

On the way home, I called RQS and introduced her to Vicki.  RQS noted that Vicki is like a sister to me.  It's nice to know that these two women will likely get along when they finally meet.

A quick note: being too tired to do anything

One of the problems I've been having lately is that I'm too exhausted by the end of the day to do much of anything.  It could be clinical depression.  Or, it could be that I am no longer able to put in 40 hours of work every week.

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When the pandemic started, I got into a rut and let my apartment get too messy for me to have my cleaning lady come back.  Now that she is able to work again, I haven't been able to call her in - my place is too much of a mess.  It'll take me a while to dig myself out of the mess.  But at least I can still present myself as an attractive person outside the apartment.  (I use "attractive" loosely here, as I am not pretty by female standards.)  Yet, if I devote a little time to the process of mess clean up every day, I will finally get my place in order.

Why do I mention the state of my apartment?  Well, I believe that the apartment reflects my current place in my path towards femininity.  Not everything goes as expected.  None of us gets on this path and has everything go smoothly.  I lost a girlfriend (in part) because of this path.  Yet, I have no regrets.  I miss one former friend because of my stupidity. Yet, I've grown stronger because of her exit from my life.  This has been a benefit to me.  I'm in my second job where I can go as Marian.  Yet, I still have to maintain my identity as Mario.  Finding romance is complicated, as I can never be sure of how a woman will react to my identity as Marian.

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Travel along this path can be exhausting, and I have no regrets.  I'm finally out and about as my real self. And who can say that this is a bad thing?
 

 

Twas the day of the snowstorm, and all through the apartment.

 

Sooner or later, I'll have to get rid of all the clutter in my apartment. What you can see in this picture makes the place less cluttered than it is today.  I've just been too lazy to pick up my mess, something I've been for about a year now, for reasons I don't plan to discuss here.

When I started this entry, it was the day before the storm.  However, I scrapped what I started to write, and left only this picture taken several years ago in my apartment. I figure that I have a little less than two weeks left to take care of what I need to take care of before my schedule gets screwed up.

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Although I can't say that I woke up with the sun, I can say that I woke up before my alarms started to make their noises.  I was glad of this, as my doctor's receptionist called to reschedule today's appointment.  So now, I have an appointment on a traditional doctor's day to play golf - a Wednesday. But to be a little more serious, I was glad that I didn't have to try to call the doctor's office to change my appointment.

When I finally looked outside, there was only a couple of inches of snow on the ground.  If I didn't know that the forecast said that the worst of the snow was expected around noon today, I'd wonder what all the commotion was about.  It's amazing how some people could be though. I received a call from a neighbor hinting that I should move my car to make it easier for the plows to shovel snow to the area behind my spot.  (If I had thought about it, I'd have parked in a visitors' spot last night, but I'm not in the mood to clear off my car, just to move it to another spot today.)  This is the first time I have received such a call, and I was a little leery of moving the car while it was snowing - so I didn't.  (This woman called me a couple more times until there was way too much snow on the ground to bother with moving the car.)

By the time 5:00 pm came around, there was at least 12" of snow on the ground.  This is when I started doing something constructive for the day - Laundry.  So I figured that this was as good a time as ever to perform a task I've been putting off for a week.  And this was the high point of my day....

 

A grab bag of things to talk about.

 

I haven't been doing much as Marian these days.  It's not because I don't want to take the time to prepare myself to use my feminine presentation these days.  Instead, it's because the both the weather and the pandemic has reduced the number of opportunities I have to go outdoors. As a result, my "normal" tendency to shift to a nocturnal sleep pattern hasn't been arrested, and I found myself going to sleep "last night" around 8 am this morning.

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The ex girlfriend and I have had some limited email exchanges as of late.  After we aired out things, our recent communications have been friendly, but guarded.  I'm not sure of how much either of us can open up to each other given our past. But I will admit that I miss our old and frequent communication - does she miss it as well?  Neither of us should live in the past. But is there enough there for a good friendship?

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As I write this, my nephew and his girlfriend will be soon returning home to the "left coast".  They are both in their mid 20's, so I think that if they catch the virus, that they will survive it with only mild symptoms.  Even though the airline industry claims that their planes' HEPA filtered air is "safe", I have to be a little skeptical of their claims.  Now that I have my nephew's email address, I can touch base with him after he's back home.

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My friend Vicki has been very busy lately.  Today we had a short exchange of texts regarding a dress that interested me.  Given its price point and material quality, it fascinated me.  But we both agreed that it would drape poorly on me, and that it would be a waste of my money.  Other dresses looked like a better option for me.  But I think I still need to fill in the gaps in my wardrobe (tops, bottoms) more than just buying things for the sake of buying them.

Since Vicki has dropped a size, she'll be bring me some hand me downs to try on this week.  This gives me a strong incentive to clean up much of the clutter in my place, so that it won't be an embarrassment to me to have people over here again.

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2020 has been a very bad year for me, and I'm glad it's over for me.  I let my apartment go wild, and I need to clean up a lot of the clutter that has accumulated.  Every attempt to declutter things has only ended in disaster.  I guess it is the low grade depression being multiplied by being lonely that has affected me this way, and manifested itself in an excessively cluttered space.  So 2021 will be a year for me to work on this.

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I decided to make my kitchen look a little more comfortable than it has looked for the past 35 years.  I have a storage cabinet that stands on the floor and can provide extra counter space for work, or to place appliances.  Since my wife moved into the apartment, it has always been placed in a way to effectively narrow the entrance to the kitchen.  Simply moving the cabinet to stand against an adjacent wall had some benefits: (1) It forced me to clean up some of the garbage that has been hidden for years, (2) It opened up the kitchen and made it more inviting, and (3) It gave me more effective use of the space in the kitchen - it allowed me to move my vacuum sealer into a corner, while making it easier for me to access my toaster oven.   

Once I got this task started, I noticed years of gunk that had accumulated on the ceiling fan.  So, I took some paper towels and removed most of the gunk.  (I'll save a thorough cleaning for another day, as I'll want sunlight to get a better idea of how much work I need to do for that cleaning.)  And then, I realized that I had mixing bowls which had been stored on top of my cabinets which likely had 25 years of gunk on them.  Since it was a "you might as well" task, I decided to find a step stool and give each of these bowls a thorough cleaning before putting them back on the cabinets.  Once they dried, I put these bowls in large, clear plastic bags, so that the gunk will go on the bags, and not on the bowls.  (Note to myself: If I ever do a complete kitchen remodel, go with cabinets that reach the ceiling, so that kitchen gunk stays on the outside.)

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Parting with things is very hard for me, but I think I'm going to finally clean out my downstairs storage compartment.  While doing this, I plan to get rid of my vinyl collection.  There are over 600 albums in the collection, and I haven't played any of them in years.  There are boxes of books downstairs that I could also give away.  Until places are accepting books for charitable donations, I will have to wait to dispose of them.  I wonder what else is in my storage compartment that I can get rid of. 

Once I clean out the storage compartment, I will move most of my unused, seasonal wardrobe into the basement.  While I do this, I will ask Vicki what she thinks of each piece, and determine whether I should donate the clothing to charity, keep it for future use, or pitch it into the dumpster.  Most cisgender women do not have as large a wardrobe as I have, and I want to pare it down to pieces that I will use often, and on a regular basis.

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Every time I go in my freezer and do a deep dive, I always seem to find food which has been frozen for too long, and that has to be tossed into the dumpster.  As a result, I will develop a plan to minimize the opportunities for this to happen again, and then gradually use up the good food left in the freezer.  Once there is enough room in my freezer, I plan to start buying some pre-made meals again. I plan to finally cancel my Freshly subscription instead of resuming it.  In its place, I plan to go back to Top Chef Meals, and buy 10 meals at a time.  To do this, I need freezer space.  And it's a good time to start cooking the food I put in the freezer over the past year. I guess I'll learn how to cook a little, so that I don't have to cook that much.

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Since politics has been a major part of most people's lives as of late (and will be until Biden takes office), I'll be glad when each day's news focuses more on the usual murders, fires, car crashes, and other disasters that befall us, instead of what our current president has/has not done to create chaos in our lives. Should we need to worry because a president leaves town without signing a needed Covid relief bill?  No.  But this is typical of a sociopathic 7 year old in a 74 year old body. And I'm very tired of his tantrums, and want him gone from the news.

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I figure that's enough for now.  Yes, many of these items are things I've covered before.  But as long as they have some importance to me, I will keep mentioning them....

 

 

 

You might be wondering...

 

You might be wondering how I spend many of my days lately.  No, I'm not talking of events I blog, but simply of the every day events that go on.  This post should give you a taste of the more boring parts of my life.

Lately, my sleep patterns have gone out of whack. It has become a common occurrence for me to go to sleep around 4-5 am, and wake up around noon.  This precludes me doing much during the day. But with sloppy snow on the ground, there's not much I really want to do outside.  Throw on the pandemic, and the high points of my week are the few times I go out to the stores to go food shopping and the times I've met with FH on the weekend.

Being with people always recharged me.  Now, with the pandemic around us, I have little interest in doing much of anything anymore.  It's easy for me to go for a day or two, not getting out of my jammies. It's not a good thing for me.

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Years ago, I used to send out boxes of Christmas cards. Now, I receive so few, that I tend to write holiday letters that are unique to each individual who writes me. And I feel that this is much more personal than a common greeting sent out to thousands of people who have bought the same package of cards.

Ever since I started with my meetup group's "Secret Pen Pal" activity, I've found that the mere activity of being "forced" to put my thoughts into words has helped me to have unique things to say to people.  No, I will never be a great wordsmith.  But I can organize my thoughts into things worth saying, and in a way that I hope brings other people a little bit of happiness when they read those words.

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You would think that the pandemic has given me time to clean up my apartment.  Without having someone nearby, it is a task that always seems to get waylaid. To make things worse, the place is not in shape to have my cleaning lady come over.  (But with the pandemic, I doubt she's entering many houses these days.)  I expect that by the time I am vaccinated, that I will need to make a serious effort to get this place cleaned up.

If I were to show you pictures of my place, you'd wonder why it got so cluttered.  With no place to go, and no one to have over, one easily gets into a "why bother?" mood.  I was one of those who did so.

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Well, it's time for me to stop writing and to get to do something else.  So I'll "see" you soon....