Dreams

 

For those of you who don't know me that well, I rarely dream when I sleep.  This could be due to an inability to go into deep sleep.  Or, it could be something else I've had for ages.  As long as I feel healthy, I don't care much, as a good sleep can be quite restful.

Years ago, I fell asleep on a train and felt that I was having a conversation with my late wife.  I felt wide awake and totally aware of my circumstances, and this dream made me feel quite good - until I asked one question: How could I be having this conversation when you passed away?  Then, POOF! she was gone.  

I've changed a lot over the years, and I can say that a lot of the time I've been a total jerk without realizing it.  Other times, I realized it after it was too late and couldn't stop.  And this leads to a dream I had recently.

Now for some background.

I met this couple at an AOL widows/widowers gathering about 26-27 years ago.  They eventually got married, and the gentleman adopted his wife's son.  This son has a visual impairment which will prevent him from ever driving.  As such, he will likely live near a big city for the rest of his life, due to transportation issues.  The day that the couple adopted their other son, their house caught on fire, and they were living in temporary digs for a year while their house was rebuilt.

At the time this was going on, I was dating Ex-GF-M, a woman who was morbidly obese. We planned to go to the couple's celebration of being able to return home, but I got the date and time wrong - but still arrived at the party late.  I didn't have the self esteem to simply leave my to be ex at the time - this is a big problem when a person has an unhealthy relationship glued together by a mutual addiction (food).  But I was aware of it, and was trying to get up the gumption to leave.

Well, I mentioned this to the couple (who were both obese as well), and was later cut off from being Facebook friends.   Could this be because I was a jerk in other ways without knowing it?  Could it have been because they saw my rejection of my then GF as an insult to them?  Who Knows?

Now to the present.

I have lost contact with this couple, and wouldn't mind being in loose contact again. The other night, I had a dream involving this couple.  They hadn't been on my mind for ages.  Could my subconscious be trying to tell me something?

So I wonder?  Should I try to reach out to this couple?  Should I address the elephant in the room from the past?  Again, who knows?  For all I know, it could be a signal that something bad has happened to them - but with no real evidence that this could be so.  Yet, I'd like to get some closure on the past.   And I'd like to apologize for being a jerk when I knew them.