I was going through my library of photos a while back. When I stumbled across this picture, I decided to scan it. This was an act of providence, as I now have no idea where this picture was hidden by my pooka.
The above picture of CSN was taken over 40 years ago, and it reflects an image of a woman I once loved when she was in her youth. We were never meant to be together. She wanted a man who could climb the corporate ladder to the top, and I wanted to climb to the top of the technology ladder. Yet, I was poorly placed to achieve my dream, and I had no mentor to help guide me to where I wanted to go. In short, youth did not give me the lens to understand the path in life I'd take, and I may have ignored any advice I might have received if any had been given. This woman may have achieved more in her life. But, given what little I have found out over the years, I'm not sure if she led a happy life.
Why do I bring up this woman? Well, our romance was one of those whirlwind things that started up quickly, and ended just as quickly. It was zero to sixty in 3 seconds, then sixty to zero in another 3 seconds. We had chemistry, but I was wise enough to realize that a relationship between people like us would be a train wreck. But I digress....
The two of us were madly in love, and we had started to shop for places to live. One day, I stayed overnight, but brought nothing to wear the next day. This wouldn't be a problem most of the time, but she wanted to present an image - so she handed me one of her sweaters to present a new image for the day, and out the door we went. Little did she know that this would be the first time I'd venture out in any woman's garment in public. (Yes, I know that sweaters can be unisex, but that's not the point here.) I wonder what she would think about me now, if she knew that I look better as a fat female than I do as a fat male.
Occasionally, I do a Google search to see if any new information has popped up on the web about her. In the past, I found that she sold fruit at a weekly farmer's market held at a church in Putnam county. I also found that she once owned a small farm in Northern Dutchess county. But through it all, she has cobbled together some money teaching economics at colleges through the New York City area. Given what I remember of her these reviews of her class fits the model of her style I have in my mind:
Yes, a person who doesn't communicate well will likely also have train wreck romances. In my case, I found this person to be "full of herself." I can easily believe that she falls asleep during class, as I'd bet she feels that that teaching Economics 101 is beneath her, because she feels that she should have a tenured position as a prestigious university. Yet, there is a part of me that would get a kick out of auditing her course in person after the pandemic ends, just to see what she has become since we were in contact. Would she even recognize me after the decades? Would the similarity of my male and female names trigger a memory for her? I doubt it....
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